Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of light. Uh oh! Did you motherfuckers really think you would be making it through the goddamn one hundredth episode without a feature from me, Horny Parrot, and his close friend, Hacey! Tony, let's go! Now I know that in my other themes I give these jerks a ton of shit, cause bullying your friends is just a classic fucking But this time I'ma try a different thing since I have a chance, Casey. Let's hit him with a compliment avalanche. He's super kind, he's super nice, gives good advice, a mighty brain that he loves to flex.

Just go for what the meaner says.

Casey, I'm not certain that you get what we're doing. He's a compliment out of what Jeff wants to give it to him. But it's weird. Okay, move on to JPC. You're brilliant and hilarious. I mean that unironically. The funniest man in the frickin' room. It's honestly so tragic that you dropped that raccoon. Hey, Casey, man, you don't bring that up now. It's actually a compliment. Explain how.

No. Erin, you already know that I think you're the best.

And Erin wants to kiss her clone.

Casey, you're a fuckin' mess. I'm out. That may be true, but while I'm out or two, let me sing the theme. On a pretty please, let me sing the theme.

No shit, all Sherlock, it's Hey Riddle Riddle.

Uh, I... I don't like it. Huh? Yeah, I don't like our lead-in.

Okay, um... Adal, we have so many inside jokes from the show, just can you like pick another one maybe?

Right, right, right.

Um, that's a dead stop. No, that's more of like Erin's thing, so I don't want to be saying it.

That's like episode three. I think we moved away from that pretty fast.

Papa Horny for Puzzies, or Bingo Bingo, Hot Tata Canoe Dog, Maria CVS. That's like a bunch of Erin and I's bits, so... Yeah, sort of like a me and J.P.C.

thing.

Maybe do like one of yours. Phoebe, pee, pee, old man puzzles. Okay, I guess so. Spooky Sleepy Witch with Kid Riddles and Kid Riddy and I dab on my haters gray Fortnite, keeping it real.

What is it? Early 2019? Get the hell out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I got it. Some of our t-shirts. Here we go. Restarting, restarting episode 100. Here we go. Fresh Slate. Baby, baby. Crab Rangoon. Or Dr. Funny Comedy. Santa, baby. Oh, for most of the Patreon stuff. Thank you, snake. No, okay. Yeah, you're right. Reading is important. Wishbone's in heaven.

Oh, I like that.

Wishbone went to hell.

Shut up, TPC.

What about Whizzy and Post Potatoes and Hymns a Ghost? Alan Alda?

My wife. Some of those are just awesome stuff I said.

Yeah. I do like my wife. Has that been used before? Or is that you just invented that?

I don't think we've said that before. I don't think so. Hiyah! Master sheep! That sucks that rules. You live in Seattle. Oh, I like that. That was a good moment. I'll have the cum sandwich.

Zatarans.

Zatarans. That's my Tuesday, bitch. Okay, good one. Fuck pudding, put your limp dick in it. Full, uh, full anal penetration. Ooh, gold bloom. Gold bloom's back. Or also, I'm insane and these are my puppets. And that one I like. My name is Tronto and I'm here with Pronto. Oh, is that me?

That's Riddle.

Shrek me daddy. We're to here to go and make teams so complicated. Welcome to noon. I like that one.

That's not the show. That's not the show. That's another show.

And twins. Popular one. I'm the Danny DeVito one. Kiss or Climb.

No, I'm the Danny DeVito one.

Okay, I have nipples, Fokker, can you milk me? He says Greg, he never says Fokker.

Okay, that's on you. Yeah, that's actually not the exact right quote.

Okay, right, right, right. In space, no one can hear you jam. This guy's got me scared to death. We had that episode with Sherlock Holmes, Dr. What Son, and Minecraft. That was pretty fun. Yeah, it's a deep hole, really. Chucky Cheese, more like fuck me please. Speaking of pizza, better be Papa John. That's right, I do a rip of that. That was a good one. How far up the egg do the pants go? Booty butts? Blown man group? NASA stands for no airplanes. Space? All right.

You're saving the best for last.

It's a living. Or finally, it's mommy's little fuck order.

Um, I like this. Erin, what if I throw one by you? What about this one, Erin? Tell me how this hits you. No, shit, oh Sherlock, it's Hey Riddle Riddle!

That feels just better and familiar and good. I like that.

Does that feel new and fun? I like that.

I don't know, what do you think? That feels good.

I wanna hate it, but it's, honestly, it's pretty good, James. Let's stick with that. Okay, cool. Uh, and who are you? I'm Chaboy, Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm the lady, Erin Keif!

And this is our 100th episode.

And we'll edit confetti in here. I don't know how confetti sounds. Casey, what does confetti sound like? He'll figure it out.

That's a lot of coughing.

Y'all, we did it!

Y'all, it's like a mass allergy outbreak. We have a Honey Eppies. Wow. A hundred episodes, one dozen laughs. That should be the tagline. A hundred episodes, a dozen laughs. I like that as a tagline.

And not one laugh in sight.

A hundred episodes. Wow. That's eight. You know what? It's quite an accomplishment. We have sat in front of these mics. Let's see. For a hundred episodes, each recording is about an hour. For about four hours, we have put together. And it feels like 40 years.

I want to thank you guys for both sending me like a really thoughtful and meaningful hundred episode gift in the mail. That's really, really sweet of you guys. Thank you so much for sending me. Wait, wait a minute. You didn't send me shit.

Erin, you started this episode asking if anyone would postmates Dunkin Donuts to your house.

She literally did. And I said, oh, is your phone not working? And she goes, no, I could get it or Sean could get it, but I don't want to.

I wanted to see it. They liked me. It was a test and they, no one sent me Dunkin Donuts.

Erin, you keep doing these tests. We don't like you. Stop doing the tests.

Okay, okay. If I were to get you guys a hundred episode gift, at ABC, I wish I had gotten you like an ant farm.

Oh, because my favorite band is an alien ant farm and you know, my favorite song is movies and I can't go to the movies anymore.

Exactly.

Great.

And Adal, I would get you A new life.

Oh, because my favorite band is Alien Ant Farm and I can't go to the movies anymore?

Exactly. You guys, 100 episodes.

We should have made each other fun, like, custom 100th episode t-shirts for each one of us.

That's what we should have done. We need hoodies. We need, like, personalized hoodies.

Yeah, Adal, perfect for fucking June. Can I have one that says, I'm with stupids? I want I'm with stupids. Oh yeah.

And it's pointing to your asshole.

You should have one that says, I'm with Stupids, and it's just a map of Chicago with Adal's apartment pinned in my apartment.

It says your exact addresses.

I'm with Stupids.

Um, GBC, you could have a sweatshirt that says, I made a hundred episodes of a podcast and all I got to do is kiss my cousin.

Do they make sleeveless sweatshirts?

I don't even know if I would. Those are called vests, my man.

And then Adal's sweatshirt could say, I asked the two wrong people.

We need to go back in time.

Who would you ask to do this podcast with?

I'd do it solo, baby. Erin, I feel like you've asked that question to Adal on an episode maybe 10 times.

And sometimes I call him drunk and ask him, who would you rather have it be?

Could you post me to be Dunkin' Donuts?

I'm going to sleep. Who would you have?

Are they prettier than me? I want to fix my butt. We're about eight minutes in and we should say if this is your first time listening, welcome.

We're going to re-pilot after this.

What is our... Yes, so Erin brings up a good point, which is we're 100 episodes in. There are like fossil fuels, there are a finite... I don't know if people know this. Riddles are made when dinosaur bones meet pressure. When they're pressurized, they turn into sort of this sort of black goop. And then over time, they solidify into this precious gem with a question and an answer. For the next hundred, we may have to pivot. Unless people want to email us at hrrpodcast at gmo.com and send us some riddles we've never done or- Or riddles that we have done.

We'll take those as well.

As long as you don't complain. Change around a few words. We'll renew riddles. We're not above it. Or rent us some unique original riddles. But I think we can go for a little bit longer and then at some point we will have to pivot. What are we doing? Maybe after episode 200 we'll pivot. Erin, what do we want to do at episode 200?

Um, at 200 we should just pivot to complimenting me. Everyone has to come with 40 compliments per episode. And if I don't like them, I'll boo you and you have to come up with another compliment.

Cool. Call it fishing with Kiki. Of course, fishing for compliments. Um, Japes, do you think there'll still be a world left at episode 200?

No way. But if there is, I think that we do a true crime politics podcast that we do in a different chain restaurant every week.

Oh my god, I love it.

Hard pivot. And we just corner the market. It's called hard pivot.

I did love the episode we recorded in a red lobster because it's the only episode I've been able to eat chips in without you guys getting mad at me.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Fair enough.

Fair enough. My favorite part about recording that episode on the Red Lobster is giving that audio to Casey and Casey being like, I can't do anything with this. This is real bad. You want to release it?

It's bad. But then Aaron saved the day by recording it on my phone, too.

Remember? Did you record this in a Red Lobster? This is awful.

That's a Red Lobster. Here's what I want to do. Oh, Erin, go ahead.

Oh, go ahead. No, I was just going to see if you guys had a favorite moment from the last hundred episodes.

Uh, a favorite moment. I think my favorite moment is buying JPC time so that when it's his turn to say his favorite moment, it's better than mine.

Oh no, this is a real gift of the Magi because of my favorite moment is buying Adal some time. Who are the Magi's? That's just no different pronunciation. Okay.

And I liked Maria CVS.

Perfect. What I thought to do is start off with something, this is a little unorthodox, but I'd like to start off with something called Money, Money, Money, Puzzies, Puzzy, Puzzies. It pays to be right. Adal Rifai's Honey Dollar Giveaway... Adal Rifai's Honey Dollar Giveaway... Based on book attitude, my life in riddies and puddies, Uncle Adal writes a check.

So this is just going to be one question with one answer, and if one of you gets it, you get a check for $100.

Are we ready?

Okay, but it's not going to be like the last check that you wrote me and bounced so hard that the teller at the bank is going to say, was that a flubber check?

I found so high, even the Kumaigma Tumble couldn't block it. So, a hundredth episode, we have to do a bunch of stuff that we love, a bunch of stuff that encapsulates all of our last 99 episodes. We have to do it. We have to do it. So, are we ready for this one question, and if you get it right... Is it a riddle? Kind of. It involves riddles. Was that Erin's question? Yeah, I think it was. That's her one answer. So the question is, what was our first ever riddle on this podcast? Episode one, the very first riddle, I think it was a warm up one.

Erin? I have to ask a qualifying question.

No, no.

Okay, she wants to know if she qualifies.

Hold on, if Erin asks a qualifying question before she gets to answer, I also get to ask a qualifying question.

I do want to state that this offer is not valid in Illinois, Maryland, Vermont, or Wisconsin. Erin, go ahead. What's your qualifying question?

Okay, you said Illinois. Okay, so in the first episode you go through like the famous three episode, or famous three riddles.

The Holy Trinity.

The Holy Trinity. Is that what you mean by riddles? Or is it the first one you asked us?

This is the first one we asked, the first one that we're trying to guess. That's mentioned after I mentioned those three, I believe.

Okay, and I have a qualifying question as well that I get to ask. So, if my credit is, say, less than perfect, but I do have cash down, not 20%, but 15%, so close, and I really want that Mazda. What can you do for me?

Zoom zoom.

Is that Monsta?

Sure.

He should get the hundred dollars. That's my favorite.

Here I have a quick riddle for JPC. Who's the lead singer of the Smiths? Monsta. In Britain they call Morrissey Mons and they call Paul McCartney Macca. Erin, what was your question?

Puzz.

Great. She puzzed in. What's the answer?

I know this was our first long riddle. It might not be the first one, but is the electric ear splitters one?

Ooh, that's a great guess. I believe the Electric Earsplitters, which is one of the worst riddles of our 99 episodes, is in that episode, but that is not the first one. Japes, you want to give it a try? If not, I forgot to mention you both owe me $100 if you get this wrong.

That's fine, add it to my bill. I will guess that it is that polar bear with its fur being white riddle. That's the riddle that I'm gonna guess.

Okay, that's incorrect. I believe that was in Arnie's original theme song. She said it's not six, which was a great answer. That's an excellent answer.

That was so smart. Y'all, how old was I when this started? 25? Something stupid like that? I was such a dumb age when this started and I was still smarter than both of you.

And I was a boy of 15. Erin coming out of the gates hot. That's a compliment.

I literally have no memory of how old I was.

Damn, that's a hot gate. Well, Erin, we started about two years ago today, so... Okay.

No, okay. I think this is pretty easy now. Yeah, it's 26. I guess that was 26.

Your birthday is not in the summer. Nope, nope, nope. It doesn't matter. We won't dox Erin. We won't say her real age. 41.

Yeah, behind the scenes we call Erin Hines because she's 57.

Um, I was talking to a friend today and he lived as a woman who wouldn't tell him her age. And I was like, that is wild. We don't know!

That is wild. Didn't you say, you mentioned on this podcast before, you had a boyfriend who lied about his age?

Yeah, for like a year. It was very creepy. Yeah.

So wait, the person that, I don't want to dox this person, but the person who's living with the person, it's not like a romantic partner, they're just like a roommate.

No, just a roommate.

Got it, got it, got it. I do want to dox someone, that's Otis Redding. Check out his song, sitting on the docks of the bay. Very good singer-songwriter. Here we go, let's do some warm-up riddies and puzzies. Are we ready for this?

Where does that $100 go? You know what, since we didn't get it, can you donate it?

Mm hmm. I'm going to donate that to a charity called Gemma Stember Young.

So you say she's the charity case?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let me make like a talented cowboy and walk this back.

Adal's cutting a hole in his wall and he's climbing out of it.

We're going to do some hink pinks for a warm up here. So of course I'm going to give you a clue and the answer to these clues are two words that rhyme, a hink pink. Do we remember these? Yeah, I remember these hink pinks. So for example, a dog-like sound coming from a large dangerous marine fish would be a Sharkbarkman. Follow me on Twitch. Sharkbarkman. At? Sharkbarkman. Twitching. That's a Sharkbark. That is correct. Here we go. A Flaming Hot Personal Journal. Ooh.

Fiery Diary.

Fiery. That is a fiery diary. Guys, I went to a Mexican restaurant last night and I had the best tacos. Fiery diary. No, what?

I was just saying, I had great tacos. I want to see a scene. The two of you are... Terrible diarrhea.

I hate it.

Just awful. Office of. Hate to see it. The two of you are editing this out of the episode. The two of you are, let's see, Erin, I'm sorry, JPC, you are writing in your diary. You have a lot of hot topics, a lot of gazooks, a lot of really fun Ariel Postel. It's a lot of gossip and dishing. Erin, you are the voice of the diary and you are a little fed up with how much sort of hot content is going into the diary and you want him to sort of pump the brakes.

Dear diary, today I was in the bathroom at work and I heard Steve from the urinal.

Thank you so much for putting me to sleep.

What? What? No. This is a hard, it's a hard story. It's a hard guy. She's cheating on his wife.

You know what? It changed jobs. What? Do something exciting. I cannot hear another moment about your office.

I love marketing cat food. I'm a frisky man for life. What do you mean? Change jobs.

Just please do something exciting. Be like a professional skydiver. Go on The Bachelor.

That's not a job. A professional skydiver is not a job. That's a recreational thing.

Yes it is, no. People do like they jump with people. You have to jump with someone who's professional.

Go on The Bachelor? I work in marketing. That's essentially what everyone on The Bachelor does. They work in app development. Not app development, that's an actual career.

I don't mean to be a bitch, but your life is lame.

Okay. Okay. Let's go back.

All my other diary friends have the best life. They're all like, it's like 17 year old girls. And I got put in the lap of a 40 year old man who works at Friskies.

36. We cut to Erin. No way. We cut to Erin as a diary talking to the other diaries. Oh my gosh, you'll never believe what Melissa wrote in me today. She got her first period.

Hey guys, can I come in? Sorry, I'm out in the rain and it feels like Oh, is the door locked?

Well, I guess if the door's locked, it's gonna stay locked. I mean, this is Diary Fan Club in here, so... We're all full rock capacity, so... It's Diary Fan Club in there?

We're celebrating ourselves, we're feeling ourselves.

Anyway, Jeff got a handjob at a Mazda Miata. I wasn't in his Miata. Yes, Jeff fucking rules.

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry, what?

What did you say? I wish someone would write about getting a handjob on... Hey, I couldn't... How do I say this?

Melissa wrote me that she gave a hand job, but she said she didn't come from it.

She... I'm sorry. She bothered writing that part.

Hashtag never come from a hand job.

Sex education is not good if she thought that maybe she could come from giving someone else a hand up.

I think Tony told her that.

Honestly, if Jeff's being honest, he didn't come either. He was just excited to get it. Aw. It's been a long dry spell for Jeff. Seen.

You guys!

Here we go, let's do a few more hink pinks. How about a billionaire large monkey? A grape ape. A billionaire large monkey. Rich. Uh-huh. Follow that train of thought. Shimp. Shimp.

A Bezos Gorilla.

I don't know. A billionaire large monkey. We'll talk about some large monkeys.

I watched the Jane Goodall documentary on Disney Plus. It's crazy. It's so good. She's amazing.

Is she with monkeys or apes? Is she gorillas in a mist? Apes. Or no?

Is that Jane Goodall?

Or Diane Fosse? Who's gorillas in a mist?

I don't know.

Okay, I want to see you seeing Erin, you are following in Jane Goodall's footsteps and you are coming across Japes and I playing We Will Be Bonobos monkeys since JPC used to shop at Bonobos. It only makes sense to play some really fashionable monkeys.

Sure. Hey, I've been watching you guys for six months and I just thought I'd come over and say hi. I'm not a very sick monkey. I'm a human woman. I know that I must look like a very... Sick monkey?

Oh yeah, you look awful for a monkey, yeah.

Yeah, but I look very beautiful for a woman. Opinions, opinions, opinions.

My name is Cookie, and my name is Cookie. You're both named Cookie. That's interesting. Two cookies and a jar. Are you all named Cookie? Yeah, because we're both fucking midnight snacks. What the fuck? Are we all named Cookie? Well, come on, we are. Come on. Yeah, I mean, but she doesn't know. What's your name? What's your name? Can we guess? Can we guess? Yeah, sure. Haha, flush. Sleepy. Tapioca. Tired.

Do I look tired?

No, I'm just guessing name. Can Cookie ask questions of tired?

Listen up you little shits. Everyone is gonna listen to me because I'm the only one studying your species. So I'm gonna go back there and what do you want me to tell the world about you?

Well, I want you to tell people that you didn't wear a mask when you met us. The pandemic's not over because you're bored. Six feet! Six feet!

Yeah, I'm just gonna let these guys go extinct. I'm kidding. Don't do that.

Don't do that. So we talked about bonobos. We talked about gorillas and great apes. What are some other types of monkeys? So apes aren't monkeys. Are we looking for an apron monkey here? Not fucking doctor.

What are you? Doctors are all of you? Come on.

Actually, apes are monkeys.

Okay, so the apes are on the table, I guess. So, a regentang? No.

Is it rich? Well, it is rich. What I'm trying to do is get you to guess the monkey and then from there you can work and try and find out what the rhyming word would be.

Oh, so the rhyming word isn't rich?

The rhyming word is not rich. What type of monkey rhymes with rich?

That's what I was confused about.

What about a Beamer lemur? You know, a lemur driving a BMW. The richest car money can buy.

So once I said eight on the table, you're going... The answer is Australopithecus, damn I'm rich with this.

Come on.

Guys, it's the 100th episode we have to move on. The answer is Baboon Tycoon.

Oh, I did play Baboon Tycoon. It's like SimCity, but it's covered in shit.

Just awful. Last one, a person who conceals the hot apple juice. Oh.

Cider Hider.

Erin, you're close. It's Cider Hitler.

Cider Hitler. I love that board game.

The best part of fall.

Cider Hitler starts such fights. It's always starting fights.

But it's so fun. Autumnal Goebbels. That was pretty fun, right? Yeah, I had pretty fun. Okay.

I'm pretty and fun. Next thing.

What I'd like to do now is not too long ago, maybe 15 to 20 episodes ago, who cares time is irrelevant, we did something with some cake lyrics. Do we remember that? Yes, I can't remember how many episodes that was.

We wrote cake songs?

We wrote some cake songs. So what I'd like to do, this is called Word Ass Cake. That's short for Word Association Cake. What we're going to do is we'll have Japes go first. I'm going to give one word. Erin's going to give another word. And Japes, you have to start singing in cake lyrics starting with my word and word associate until you get to Erin's word. Does that make sense? Got it. Okay. So I'm word associating between two words and a cake song.

Mm-hmm.

And you have to try and work your way to the other word. Ideally, if the words are like, you know, dolphin in France, you don't go like, dolphin, de de de de de de de Eiffel Tower France, right? Try and make it a logical connection.

Okay, don't tell me how to do it because if I want to say dolphin Eiffel Tower France, that's the whole fucking song. But it's a three-second song.

Great. This segment is all called Dolphin Eiffel Tower, France. And do you want some cake music in the background from us? Nice beat behind you?

We can have Arnie Parrott add some.

I would love either one. So we can either... I'll give you a nice bass behind it.

Great. Thank you. So the word I'm going to give you is granola. So you're going to start with that word, and Erin, give him the word he's going to end on. From Granola to boarding school, this is a weird-ass cake. Okay.

Eating granola on the floor, only four years old, and I want some more. When I reach into the pantry, my mom comes behind me and she does something. My wrist is burning. My wrist is so hurt. I've tried to get the granola. Now I'm down in the dirt. My life is over for sure. She's shipping me out to a bo-ding school. Yeah.

Thank you. Wonderful. 10 out of 10. Um... Erin, do you want to go... Actually? Do you want to go next or last?

Oh, I have to do this?

Yeah. For sure. If you want, we can stop here.

Oh boy. How about you go next?

Okay. So, Erin, you give me a word to start on.

Butterfly.

Butterfly, great. And your word to end on is cargo plane. Great. So, from butterfly to cargo plane, from Justin and Kelly was what I was hoping for, but I didn't get that. So, from butterfly to cargo plane. Can someone give me that nasty back and beat? Absolutely.

I got a CD.

Mariah Carey's new album, It's Hot. Red Hot I bought it and I drove my car to the river banks. I slapped a fish in the mouth cause it called me a fucker. I threw it back in the ocean near New Jersey and I walked on water like the Lord Himself and I sank to the bottom and I ended up in South America. Machu Picchu! Oh boy, got some yogurt in my mouth and I can't spit it out. Got Tabasco in my eyes. I see red hot fire ants eating me. Like Crystal Skull in the Anna Jones cargo plane.

Short round. Is this gonna be seven minutes? Oh my gosh.

Erin, do you want to go? That one has a journey to it.

I would like to go. I would like no backing tracks, so professional musicians can give backing music to me if they are inspired.

Okay, Akapoko, you're going to do it, Akapoko. Erin, your starting word is, let's see here, your starting word is forgiveness.

And Jape's ending word. Is it okay if we use proper nouns? Absolutely. Okay. Your ending word is Jane Fonda. Great.

So from forgiveness to Jane Fonda.

I'm here to talk about my favorite story. It's the one called Monster in Law. It's about forgiveness and change and getting along with your mother-in-law. It's hard to do, but J.Lo shows us how. She starts. She falls in love with a man on the beach. He likes her eyes. He knows the color of her eyes. They fall in love. Everything is perfect. He's a doctor, maybe. It doesn't matter, but he's hot. Jane Fonda comes into the picture. She's a talk show host who recently went crazy. I'm going to keep going. The whole movie, they're torturing each other. I think at one point they actually poisoned each other. But in the end, she knows that JLo loves her son. Her son! And she forgives her. Jane Fonda's number one.

Okay, very good, very good, very good day. That was my cake song about the moving monster. Stop.

What? What is it? I'm busy right now.

So your first word was forgiveness. Your ending word was Jane Fonda. You started by talking about a Jane Fonda movie, then mentioned it was about forgiveness, and then just listed the cast.

I think I went a little bit into the plot.

I think Erin did a really exemplary there.

I forgot to mention Wanda Sykes!

Great, yep, we all know Cake is audio piss, but I thought to do that because it was a fun segment we did previously.

And I think we all learned a little something about the movie Monster in Law.

Mm-hmm. And we all know that I drink piss for $800, so nothing wrong with audio piss.

Yep. Let them eat cake. And speaking of cake, why don't we have a nice slice of commercial break here? You could have said commercial cake. Oh, well, did I?

We have to start over.

Okay. All right. Let's have a nice slice of commercial cake. A commercial cake could be a Kirkland brand cake. Guess we're advertising cake, does that still work? Yeah, it works.

Here's some fucking cake.

Hey Adal, Erin, I have been meaning to ask you to. Yes? What kind of mattress did you sleep on in college? And no, the one in your own dorm, you freak. The mattress I slept on in college was my roommate. Okay. Oh yeah, they called him the mattress, right? He was a football player too?

Well, he was a football player and also a member of the Mafia.

And Erin, what about you?

I slept on a lofted bed of sadness.

And I slept on three rats.

It was a shitty mattress.

Three rats all smushed together. We all had terrible mattresses in college, but now we are all doing much better and we love our mattresses, don't we folks? Don't we love our mattresses?

Oh folks, we love our mattresses, folks.

I got married to mine. Because we got our mattresses at Helix Sleep!

Did you hear what I said? Helix Sleep!

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Did you guys hear what I said?

I'm married to your mattress. You're married to your mattress.

I know we were there. Okay, that's right.

I was best mattress man at your wedding.

And Erin was my best box spring.

And if you want to have a wedding with your mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com, take a sleep quiz that just takes two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Now that won't, not emotionally, just for sleeping.

Uh, well kinda.

Well, I guess that's true. I don't want to brag. I know you met my mattress, but my mattress is a Helix Sleep, and it was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2019 by GQ and Wired Magazine.

My wife is a mattress. It's the perfect place to go if you're a side sleeper, a hot sleeper, if you like a plush or a firm bed. You can get whatever you need at Helix.

And it's got a 10 year warranty. You can try it out for 100 nights. Risk free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it. But guess what? You will. And you made a commitment to have it to hold forever until death do your part.

I have, like I said, I have a healing sleep. And my fianc, who my mattress is jealous of, my fianc Gemma and my two cats, Fries and Brisket, we all can basically do like snow angels on the mattress and not even touch one another. It's the most comfortable sleep I've ever had.

And that's love.

That's true love. I sleep like a baby. I sleep like a baby, the cats sleep like kittens, it's the best thing in the world.

So go to helixsleep.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. Take the two-minute sleep quiz. It'll completely change your life. And right now, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders for our listeners only at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $200 off. Now tell me you've heard of a better deal than that.

Folks, folks, that's helixsleep.com slash riddle, folks. Folks, it's helixsleep.com slash riddle.

And we'll see you back at college.

College.

Helix sleep. That's love.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Welcome back to episode 100. Here I am, Puzzbot. I thought I would not be asked to be on, but here I am anyway. And I have two special guests. I've brought my parents here. First, I would like everyone to meet my mother, Coco Kashmir.

Hey, what's the big idea? You said that I could be the one to introduce myself when I came back from break. And then you made me wait. You're just as bad as that tampon thief I once knew.

Please, I thought we wouldn't talk about that anymore.

Tampon thief!

And mommy, I've also brought daddy on here as well. Please, everyone.

Oh, that old so-and-so boo!

Please welcome my father, JP Riddles.

Take me back to my home, you cretin. Oh, it's my son. It's my boy. It's my buzzbot. How you doing, boy? I love you daddy.

Ask me why we got a divorce.

Mommy, why did you two get a divorce?

Isn't it obvious?

I don't remember. I was high out of my mind on methamphetamines and I signed a Burger King rapper when I saw what was handed to me by a police officer and the next thing I knew I was getting kicked out of my ass!

Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it.

We got married by a raccoon who had recently been ordained by your website.

Yeah, she's leaving out that that's my half-brother. That dastardly raccoon stole 200 silver pieces from me, and by silver pieces I made parts of a toaster that I discombobulated, and I was gonna use that toaster to cook a big batch of milk. Water, but I ended up not drinking it after all, and lost spoiled.

Check's out. Hey mother.

Yes.

Would you mind singing a song about when you met daddy?

Okay fine, but after I'm done he better tell the story about how he proposed. It was the worst day of my life!

I just want to say thank you for giving me some time to prepare.

You're welcome! Okay, here's my song. Singing on a moonbeam, singing on a starbeam, singing all in the sky. I swung to the sun to sing on the sun, and I burnt out my eye. Tippity tappin', she's tippity tappin'. This doesn't count, but it sounds like rappin'. Rappin' paper in my body, because I wear it as a dress, and it went up my butt. Coco gave me it, and she's here, and she's at the microphone, and she likes to call it home, cause she's having a good time solving riddles. And she married Jake Riddle, and Pa's butt is a son.

Thank you so much. Applause sounds. That brings some blood to my eye. Clap, clap, clap. I forgot that mother burned down her eye. What a travesty.

Oh, and I met your father in a dumpster.

Daddy, would you please tell us Swan Lumps number 100, a.k.a. the time you proposed.

Mm-hmm. All right, here it is. Okay, Swan Lumps number 100, The Haunted Caterpillar. So old JP Riddles was taking his lady friend to Cordon and they were doing all the normal human dating activities. They were going to the pond and trying to get scum to throw it on the cop car so they could take the cops wallet. They were doing all the nice dating activities that young couples in love to. And then, oh, one day old JP Riddles, he really stepped in it because he got her in the old family way. That's right, she had a robot in her belly and she was gonna give a little bit of birth to that. It's all JP Riddles. He was confused. He was young. He had no idea what to do, but he got down on one knee and he said, will you make me the happiest half bat in the world and will you be my lovely wedded wife? And she said, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last half bat half dog alive. And he kicked him to the curb and he howled and he cried and he gnashed his teeth and he said, God damn you, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last woman on earth you god damn haunted caterpillar. The end. Ah, that's the haunted caterpillar. Uh, my old J.P. Riddle Swanlumps, number 100.

That was a beautiful story and beautiful song, Mommy and Daddy. Thank you for giving birth to me.

You know what? This, all of this, this family reunion, it's got me in what kind of wild way? What do you say, Coco Kashmir? Will you give it another shot? Will you take me back and we could be a family again?

Never, you absolute weirdo. If I remember correctly, you have a plastic fork sticking all the way through your neck.

Okay, fine. Will you at least give me my damn spaghetti-o-cans back? I need those. I got coupons inside of those.

I keep the dog.

So sad to see Father crying root beer. Back to you.

That's his blood.

Back to you, Adal. Thanks, Buzzbot. Wow. What a special little moment. Well, that was great. Japes and Kiki, you still there? Uh-huh, yeah.

I was listening. I'm checking on my vocal cords because they are bleeding.

Why are they bleeding?

Oh, because just listening to Coco Cashmere's voice make my vocal cords start to bleed.

Mine is fine. I won't feel it all tomorrow.

Just in case you knew what I was asking. How about we do some main course, Riddies and Puzzies. Here we go. Here's our first one. Do we still remember how to do these?

No.

Okay. My dear boy, I never knew how to do these. Here we go. This is called the deadly suitcase. A woman opened a suitcase and found to her horror that there was a body inside. How had it got there? Hmm.

Okay, she is an old-timey performer on the road, and she has a little, what is it called? Ventriloquy. A ventriloquy act, and that body is her puppet that she has too many feelings for.

Okay, that's a wonderful guess. Okay, I will give a hint that it is not an inanimate object, it is an actual body, and it is dead.

Her suitcase got switched.

Okay, explain. Show your work.

I never can. I'm bad at math. Okay.

My dear boy, is it necessarily a human body? Uh, it is. Oh man.

Um, somebody was carrying a body in a suitcase and then their luggage got mixed up.

Okay, lazy, but I'll take it. Does she have a, um, does she have a clue board in her luggage and it's Mr. Body with two Ds? Okay, very fun, very fun, very topical. Uh, no, it is not. Okay. Is the body chopped up in any way that would make her be like horrified? It is not.

The cause of death seems to be asphyxiation. Ooh.

Oh, someone snuck into her suitcase. Her husband snuck into her suitcase to go on the vacation with her.

Warmer, insane, but warmer. I would like to see a seed.

JBC, Adal, you guys are married. You're going on a weekend away to be with your friends, and Adal, you have snuck into JBC's suitcase, and now you're in your hotel, JBC, and you're unwrapping your suitcase to reveal Adal.

Jesus Christ! Alright, let's get this guy's weekend started. Oh my god. What?

Mark, what is going on? Holy shit, Mark. Your legs are shattered. Oh my god, Mark.

I ate a full Old Spice deodorant. Hey, I'm sorry, what? I ate a full Old Spice deodorant. Mark, your legs are broken in like 16 places. They're all over the place.

I broke them myself to distract me from the taste of the Old Spice.

Mark! Why? Why do you keep doing this? Surprise! You got pulled over two weeks ago and you broke your leg in four places. Mark, this is not a compelling disguise.

It's the best trick the devil ever played.

I'm sorry sir, we can't treat him. He could be healthy but all the doctors can't stand the smell of him because he smells like a 14 year old boy going through puberty who just sprayed the shit out of himself. Old Spice.

Seems like doctors should look past that.

No, we think it's yuck. To be honest, we've talked and we think it's really yuck.

And just to be clear, when I said I ate your Old Spice deodorant, I meant I drank your Old Spice body spray.

I think we'll get a second opinion. We'll go to a different hospital. My husband needs emergency leg surgery immediately.

What does that smell?

Is it my two broke legs?

No, that smells good.

I don't know what it could be. My husband does need the leg surgery. You may be smelling me. I had Old Spice.

Pardon me. Sorry to intrude. I was caught down the hospital hallway by a waft of smell. I work for Yankee Candles. My name is Richard Yankee Candle. And I can't help but want to ask, can I buy this scent, whatever it is?

Old Spice are broken legs.

Oh, broken legs? Could we package that? A candle? A Yankee candle that's broken legs? I'm a Yankee candle.

We cut to Christmas. We cut to Christmas the next year, and this is a man opening up his Christmas gift. Okay, this is for Marjorie. Thank you, Marjorie. Okay. You're welcome! Oh boy. It is a Yankee candle.

Broken Legs. Oh, it's my favorite. It's my favorite. Ah, you can smell it now. It smells like a hospital waiting for a dredged in Old Spice or Broken Legs candle.

Merry Christmas!

Say it. Erin, I'm going to go ahead and give it to you. You were close enough. The body was that of the woman's son. She did not have enough money for two airfarers, so she put him in a suitcase with tiny air holes. She did not know that the luggage compartment would be depressurized.

Oh, that was the worst. Isn't that a fun little story?

Yeah, it's fun because she was looking for a new boy in a suitcase.

Perfect. That was good. I like that. It's good. I really felt good.

I like what happened to the boy.

Yeah. It's like how broken legs smell.

It's good.

And not sad and bad.

Do you want to take that to Riddle Court?

I do! I'd like to take that riddle to Riddle Corps, please. All rise for Judge J.P.C.

All rise, all rise, all rise. Don't everybody rise because I can't rise because I am not wearing any bottoms today. And I'm just wearing a judge's shirt.

Oh wait, I did the wrong voice. All rise for Judge J.P.C.

Judge, what is a judge's shirt? I've heard of a judge's robes, but never a judge's shirt. Can you describe it?

It's exactly the same as the judges' robes just from the torso up.

As always, I'm typing it all down.

Yes, thank you. Make sure that you're typing this down. Okay, what do we have on the docket today, Bailiff?

On the docket is a riddle about a boy suffocating in a suitcase.

Okay, and we have the prosecution and the defense. Prosecution, would you like to make your opening statements?

Your honor, if I may, this is a very good one.

I'm taking this to Riddle Gordon. I'm the defense.

Uh-huh. No, I'm sorry. You're the prosecution. This is Colonel Sanders. He's taking lunch orders. I'll have three pieces. 12 original spices.

Can I say something? Absolutely. I'm aware of all the spices out there. You got you caught a mom, you caught a dad. Carter Uncle, Carter B. I'm aware of all the spices, but what Colonel Sandals did, myself, I made 12 original spices. So these are brand new spices that the public never tastes before.

I'll hear it.

Okay.

I have to remind you, you are under oath.

Oh, okay. Let me get under this oath here. Oath, do you mind if I crawl underneath you? It's okay. Thank you, Hodor. Now, some of my sponsors, I'm going to go ahead and list them off here. We have CribbleCrabble, Chex Mix, what else do we have here?

Just read the list of inside jokes.

You can get out of the courtroom. Alright, we have the prosecution. Prosecution, please make your opening case.

All right. I see here a riddle that is far too dark to be on a riddle podcast or for it to even exist. Why kill a kid when you can kill an adult is what I always say in the riddle game. If you can kill an adult, have it be someone shitty and not just a woman. I rest my case.

Yeah. Okay. So let's check in with the jury. It looks like they're high five at each other. They seem to love that. They're doing the RStudio whoop, whoop. So you got them at your corner. We take it to the defense. Defense?

Your Honor, I have switched sides, so can I have some time to prepare? And what I mean by prepare is prepare some delicious 12 original spiced chicken.

Well, you could prepare that chicken, but I think that I already have my verdict. Jerry, you're excused. I don't need to hear from you. In fact, you wasted my whole fucking day just being here, so get out.

Your Honor, if I may, pizza party.

I'm sorry? Case closed.

The jury has come to a decision. Okay, I already came to that decision, but go ahead and... Be the jury, find this riddle to be horrible, and we find Colonel Sanders to be a distraction to the scene.

Well, I never... No, the jury has spoken, so this riddle's guilty, this riddle goes to jail... Hold on, Your Honor?

No, Colonel Sanders, you're disbarred.

You are disbarred. Sorry? So you don't touch dis-salad bar for the rest of the day, okay?

Your Honor, the jury has spoken, but I'd like to bring to the stand, uh, GME, so that GME can be spoken.

Okay, now you can't be a lawyer anymore.

See? Erin, just to be fair, a woman did not die in that scene.

I know, I'm just saying, we're either killing kids or women in riddles. Riddle books? Riddle books?

Riddle books do better. Japes, I don't know if you got my email. Did you end up getting the permit? Oh yes, I did get the permit. Permit the frog here. The permit we need for the parade. Oh, the permit parade. For the animal parade?

No, I did not. Sorry.

I need to quickly Google animals. I can't think of any.

Was I supposed to get that? I didn't actually get your email. I was just trying to play along.

Here we go. We're just going to do the song intro only. None of the sloppy, sloppy aftermath. Just the intro song. Here we go. This is animal parade. A horse who's forced to testify.

A guinea pig in a stoplight.

An orangutan with a hangover. An owl who wants his kids back.

A hamster making smoothies.

A horse with a combover. A walrus who's been made a cock.

A unicorn with an attitude. Rob Schneider with David Spade.

Animal Parade!

Pretty great.

Remember when you got mad at us for having so much fun doing the thing you told us to do?

I remember. Okay, yes I do. I was a little upset to be fair. I'm very, very sorry about that. Let's do, should we do one more Riddy? Yes, at least. Is there anything we haven't done that you all want to do, episode 100? I mean, there's so much content, we can't cram everything in here, but I tried to pepper in a few little moments. Hey, as long as we get two riddles in there, I'm happy. Okay, we sure, Erin, you don't want to rap for daddy or anything?

I mean, the people are dying to hear me rap. I've already done a terrible cake song and I've already done a terrible Coco Kashmir song, but I'll rap for daddy.

Let's have Erin rap for daddy. The, the rap for daddy. So the topic for this one, Japes, do you have a topic for her? Otherwise I can conjure one up myself. Yes, I do have a topic.

Okay. The left-handed scissors. Bump set. They're scissors for people who are left-handed. Oh, okay. Thank you.

Uh, you tried to cut and it's really hard. I'm gonna give you my credit card so you can go to the store and buy something that'll get you high off life. It's a pair of scissors. Damn it! I really didn't try to do that. A pair of scissors. Uh, I don't want you to be gazizzes because that's what you'll be if you don't get them. You're left-handed and we love it. Cut away at your project because you're left-handed, and that's what's up.

Amazing. Applause, applause, applause, applause. I don't like how much that sounds like the Louis song. We're not going to have you rap for Daddy, but I do want to see a quick 30-second commercial for left-handed scissors, which has the slogan, you're left-handed, we love it.

Hey, I'm Mickey Dolan's and I'm here for you with left-handed scissors. Left-handed scissors. They're right-handed scissors. You turn them backwards. Just turn them around backwards. Cut towards yourself. You love to see it. You can't get hurt because you got your friend Mickey Dolan's here. And I guarantee that you're gonna love the cut that you could come with. Left-handed scissors. Good luck to you, my friends. Left-handed scissors. You have to come down to my house to buy them. There's a big side I put outside. Oh, the side blew away.

Honey, what are you doing in the front yard?

Shut up! I'm in the front yard trying to sell scissors! Why can't Mickey Dolan sell his scissors in the front yard?

Come in and help your son with his math homework!

That's not my son. I guarantee that's not my son. That mailman is six foot tall and he's got blood hair and blue eyes.

Mickey, what are you doing? We're on stage two, three, hey hey, we're the monkeys! People say we monkey around.

How did I mean how did we get to a hundred episodes? How? Please, how did we do this? What is happening?

This is the worst podcast on air. Let's do one more riddle and then we'll put this baby to bed. Here we go. A New York City hairdresser recently said that he would rather cut the hair of three Canadians than one New Yorker. Why?

They tip better? It's something with the word aboot in it. Okay. Famously Canadians do not tip. Pizzarata boots, Pizzarata boots, New Yorker, NYC, I'm walking here.

Keep going. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Doesn't Hoffman, Hoofman, Horse, police horse.

I don't know. I don't know. And I wish I had said that earlier in the earlier episode. I don't know the answer to this, Riddle.

Is this riddle answer? Is the answer to this riddle, does it have something to do with currency?

Yes. Okay. So let me read it one more time. A New York City hairdresser recently said that he would rather cut the hair of three Canadians than one New Yorker. Why?

Cuz you'd rather cut the loons than a buck. Okay, very good.

And that's gonna be a dead JPC stuff.

Is loonies, is that something? That's the currency in Kanata. Loonies Oh, that was just the best. Okay, here we go.

Um, I would please just please let me pay for my health care.

Oh, no, please. That's not necessary. Not necessary. Can I interest you?

Has anyone ever told you that you look like the Swedish chef?

Oh, nobody's ever told me that. Would you like to buy a boot? No, I would like to. It's a sailing boot.

I would like to pay for my health care. I broke my leg here. I want to pay for it.

Oh, that smell. Can I bottle that smell?

No. Okay. Okay. What is this money?

Oh, this is a looney. You, uh, how to, how to explain to an American, uh, do you know Boogsbooney? Boogsbooney and Doofy-Dook. Yeah. And Pooh and Porky Pooh. They're all, they're like looney toons. It's like that a looney.

This country is nonsense. What are your exports? Hockey?

Hockey, uh, politeness, uh... Ryan Reynolds? Get the fuck out of here.

We come back to a spaceship. Gala blacks, how have you been doing assimilating with the humans?

Not so great.

Oh buddy, is that your Canadian accent?

Could you try one better? You swap in for me, you take on my form, and you talk to the woman who's still at the store.

Okay, we cut back down to the doctor's office.

I've been standing here for several days. Can you please just take my money?

It's me, Mickey Dolan's. Oh yeah, I'd love to take your money. I was at the monkey's. Just slide the money right over. It's me, Mickey Dolan's.

And Steve.

The monkey's were like Mickey Dolan's, Davy Jones. Davy Jones, Davy Crockett, Crockett Dolan's. Crockett, yeah. Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Crockett, Cro

It's something to do with the monies.

A New York City hairdresser recently said he would rather cut the hair of three Canadians than one New Yorker. Why? I will say it absolutely has something to do with the monies, but also it's a bit of math. It's math? A bit of hyper, hyper, hyper simple math. I mean like a first grader could solve this math problem.

Oh, three people. He's cutting the hair, like he's getting more money because he's cutting three people's hair.

He would rather cut the hair of three Canadians because he would get three times the monies. That makes sense. That makes so much sense.

That makes sense.

We did it.

That makes a lot of sense. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

You love to see it.

That was a hundred yuppies.

We did it.

We did it.

Wow, we did it. Wow. Wowie.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hi, this is Justin McElroy from the hit YouTube series Things I Bought at Sheets. I just wanted to say congratulations to Hey Riddle Riddle. I have a riddle for you, if I may be so bold, to pose to the Riddle Masters. How proud am I of you? Did you guess it? Ah, well, this is a riddle for which there is no answer. Because infinity can't be quantified. I love you so much. So much.

Yes, hello, this is Janet Varne-Puzzle. Three people have a podcast together. If each host has an equal number of hilarity molecules, as the other, and their number of episodes can be deduced when you know that 33.3 hilarity molecules per person are the maximum possible per person for each episode, with a guest per episode value of X, how many episodes has the podcast had?

The answer is 100, probably. Congrats, Adal, Erin, and J.P.C. for being the delightful, smart, and hilarity molecule-rich humans that you are.

Oh, hi. This is Jess McKenna, and I just want to say congrats, Riddle Riddle, on your hundredth episode. Give a riddle bit. Give a riddle bit of your love to this show. Great job. Congrats.

Yeah, hi, Camille Macchiato for TJ. And it should be free today. Oh, because Hey Riddle Riddle's got their 100th episode, and I was on one of them, so it should be free for Machiado Day, I'm guessing. Episode 39. You know what, I don't want to go round and round about it. My name's TJ Jagatowski, and I should get a free fucking caramel. Machiado because Hey Riddle Riddle has his 100th episode today, and I don't want to hear... How about I talk to a manager? For, uh, yeah. Hi! Hey Riddle Riddle's having its 100th episode and I want a free caramel macchiato. Alright, you know what? Fuck this place. Riddle me this.

Riddle me this! Riddle me this.

Riddle me that.

Who's a fan of Hey Riddle Riddle? Good question, Mr. Riddler. Everyone is the answer. Hi, Hey Riddle Riddle. This is Dan Lippert saying congratulations on a hundred episodes and thank you for having big grande on and for being such vocally kind and supportive and funny people towards me. I've appreciated getting to know all of you. You're so genuinely warm and delightful. And your podcast is a great example of that. So congrats on making 100 episodes. That's 100 more episodes of a Riddle and Improv podcast than probably anybody on the earth. So that's incredible. I can't wait to hear the next 700. Let's set the bar there and see where we go. Love you guys. Congrats Erin, JPC, and Adal. You're great.

Hi hey Riddle Riddle, it's Ryan Rosenberg. Just wanted to congratulate you guys on a hundred episodes. We had such a blast when you brought Big Grande on there, and I hope we can come back on for the second round of a hundred. Congrats guys.

Oh hey Riddle Riddle. It's John Mackey from Big Ronde's Teacher's Lounge. I just wanted to send you this quick little message to tell you how proud I am of you all for making it to episode 100. You know, when you start a podcast, if you're anything like me, you think, I'll maybe do 6 episodes of this. But you all have done 100 episodes of your podcast. And that's a feat that you should be really proud of. You know, I'll tell you, when I was on the podcast, I vacillated between having the best time of my life and the most humiliating time of my life, thinking I was right about an answer when I was very much wrong. But I appreciate you all giving me the opportunity to show the world just how stupid I am. And here's to another hundred more episodes, you know? But only a hundred more. Don't you dare do more than 200 episodes because that would be greedy. There's not enough space on the internet for 200 episodes of a podcast. Okay, this message is way too long.

Bye! Hey Riddle Riddle, this is Pat Conley and I just wanted to say, can't go to urinals. A lusting cartoon. No sour lactating, long satanic tour. In other words, congratulations. I love you guys, I love the show, and I love the fans. We're all looking forward to the next 100. Thank you so much.

Hello, this is Sandy, aka the Cookie Man, aka the Sandman here with

Ezra, the Sandman's son.

Sandman's son. And we're here to wish you a happy 100th episode. We can't believe that it has been 100. And in honor of that, we have brought you some more puzzles in the style that Ezra did when he was on the show. These are all based off the number 100. Why don't you go?

A hundred S in the USS.

Well, that would be 100 Senators in the U.S. Senate.

A hundred D at which W.B.?

Degrees at which water boils?

B.F. is on the hundred D.B.?

Ben Franklin is on the hundred dollar bill, of course.

A hundred is the P.T.N. in G.I.I.N.?

Oh, well that's an easy one. That's a hundred is the police telephone number in Greece, India, Israel, and Nepal, obviously.

Obviously, 100 PS by WC of the PW.

Well, 100 points scored by Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors.

100 is HSCITTCSCWIR.

Oh, well, that's a little bit tricky. 100 is the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with its request. Last one. A hundred E of HRR with AJ and E. A hundred episodes of Hey Riddle Riddle with Adal, JPC, and Erin. Nice work. Happy birthday. Birthday? Happy anniversary. Happy century. You're always the world chamberlain in our hearts. Goodbye.

Hey there Riddle crew, or whatever you guys call yourselves. It's Mitch. Yes, that Mitch. Erin told me that you guys have your 100th episode coming up. I thought it would be nice of me, after all I've been through on your show, to be the better man. And, uh, wish you congratulations. So, congratulations, you fuck sticks. Hope you've enjoyed your, uh, hundred episodes of Meaningless Banter. Stupid little decides and little skits. It's pointless and stupid. You're all very dumb for having participated in it all. Fuck yourselves. Hate you guys. Blech.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Thank you so much for everyone who took the time to record those messages. We also want to give a huge, huge thank you to everyone who has made 100 episodes possible. I most likely will forget someone. I do apologize. This is absolutely my fault and my fault alone. But I want to thank Casey, Tony, Audio Daddy, Arnie Parrott, KJ Snyder, Emily Cardamis, Cardamis. Oh, fuck. Emily Morris, Kelly Pulisny, Jasmine Darnell. Jasmine Darnell is probably correct. I'm getting nervous. Ray Glass, Tommy Marangie, Sandy Weiss, Ezra Weiss, Pat Connolly for sending in original riddles all the time, our guests Arnie Neekham, Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Brooke Bright, Zach Reno, Jess McKenna, Becca Barish, TJ Jagatowski, Rush Howell, John Gabers, Hayes Davenport, Janet Varney, Janet Morff, Jeffrey Craner, John Mackey, Dan Lippert, Ryan Rosenberg, Demi Adizwebe, Rob Cordry. We want to thank the Headgum Network, Jake and Amir, Mars, Marissa, Marika, and the entire Headgum staff. Rock Rising, Caveat Theater, New York's San Francisco Sketchfest, Shubis, IO Theater, Talia Hall, The Comedy Store in LA, all of our advertisers, Anne and Chris Lukman. All the listeners, thank you to everyone who's listened this far. Fuck you to everyone who dropped off on your cowards. And we want to thank all of our patrons as well. I'm so sorry again if we left anyone out. The best thing you can do to support us is to tell others about the show. I believe most of our listeners are from word of mouth, so please tell a friend, tell an enemy, tell your doctor, tell a raccoon, tell a horse. If you haven't already, please also rate and review the show. I think it's such a Such a kind of typical boring thing for podcasters to say, but it absolutely makes a difference. There's a reason everyone says it. Please write and review if you haven't already. And the number one way to support us is by joining our Patreon. We have a hundred plus hours of bonus content. You get access to it all as soon as you join. So please join our Patreon. That's patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. And if you want to this week, please tweet about your favorite moments from the last hundred episodes. You can do that by using the hashtag 100, the number 100, Riddle Memories. That's the hashtag 100 Riddle Memories. Of course, if it makes sense not to use this hashtag because there's something more important going on, please refrain from using that hashtag. But otherwise, we'd love to hear your favorite moments. And we also have a new piece of merch in the Tea Public store from Jasmine Darnell. Celebrating the 100th episode, so please check that out. That should be up in the store now. Also, huge thank you and a big I love you to JPC and Erin Keif, Japes and Kiki. I'm so happy to have gone on this ride with you all. It's time for me to get off. I'm pulling the car over. I wish you two the best of luck.

I've been asking you to pull it over because I have to throw up.

I've been peeing in the back. You've been peeing on my back.

Hey. Come Tada, come Tada, my man. Come Tada?

Is that a frittata with cum? Uh-huh.

I'm sorry.

Adal asked me to do a Riddle podcast outside of a restaurant in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I thought he sounded crazy, but I said yes, literally, to be nice and polite. And it's been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I love the show so much, and everyone I've met doing it. JPC, I was afraid of you before. I'm still afraid of you. Little less so now because you make me laugh so hard. Thank you so much for your company and thank you both for making me laugh and making my life better and brighter.

That was, it was a Toppist restaurant in Kalamazoo. So if any Riddleheads, if any Ridiots out there want to source the origin of Erin joining the show, there's a Toppist place somewhere downtown Kalamazoo. Check it out.

Uh, yes, and let's see, where can you find me? I would like to plug my Twitch stream. You can follow me on Twitch at sharkbarkman. Also, I would like to plug on the 27th of this month, June 27th, which is the last Saturday of June, I'm 10am central time twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman. I'm going to have a ton of games, a ton of guests, a ton of people in there, and maybe I'll go insane over 24 hours.

Please check out Monster in Law.

Yeah, please check out Monster in Law.

And then message me about it.

Great movie. Please buy our Broken Legs Candle. You can find that on candlepublic.com. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Support your local swan lump, however you do that in your community, make sure you support your local swan lump.

In most, somewhat sincerity, I love you guys and I'm so glad we got to this point. This is very impressive and I'm happy we're here.

Thank you for having me.

Erin, I did mention this over dinner when we had Thomas and Kyle Mizzou. I did say I have two ideas for a podcast. One is a podcast about riddles with JPC. The other one was a podcast with Bill Bryson and that was going to be about the expansive universe and that was going to be called

Jupiter.

Bye forever.

I've said Jupiter a hundred times. A hundred and one.

I don't think you started this episode.

Well, let's pretend I did. Goodbye forever!

That was a head gum podcast.