Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice.

Both of them were goldfish.

It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with his ice cream. And the Lord seemed riding.

Your honor, the jury has reached a verdict. Okay. We find the podcast not funny.

This is a... Well, this is a... Thank you so much, Mr. Foreman. You are dismissed.

Can I interest you in a grill?

You don't think the bling in my mouth already be ballin'?

I don't understand what you mean.

You said a grill. Rob a jewelry store to make me a grill, Nelly. Okay. Sorry. Fuck off, man. Get out of the court. Also, this podcast is not supposed to be funny. It's a Hobbies and Games podcast. Purely just so we can get it.

You're really protected by that, aren't you?

Yeah, it's actually not supposed to be funny. It's actually supposed to be about riddles. In form of a bill.

You're supposed to be annoying. Then why do the riddles suck?

Because it's supposed to be funny. It's a Catch-22. We get them both ways. Catching and going. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, the podcast where we take riddles and then we try to solve them. And then we spice them up with some improvised scenes, songs, games, and jokes. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm J.P. Z. And I'm Erin Keif.

What's been going on in your lives?

But real quick, real quick. You're going to meet someone. You're meeting someone on the street, or someone in an Uber, and they say, you say, I do a podcast. And they say, what's your podcast about?

What do you say? I don't say that. I don't say that I do a podcast.

That, Erin, I really wish you would. It would be great to tell more people about the show. So let's say that someone says, I heard that you do a podcast.

OK.

That you have to say. Yes, you heard wrong. I'm a doctor of linguistics. Sorry, a doctor of linguine.

I'm a spaghetti chef.

So someone comes to you, Erin, and they say, I heard you do a podcast. What's it about? What do you say?

Um, I say it's me and two other comedians and we talk about riddles and we do improv.

Talk about riddle and we do improv.

Okay.

Adal, if I say, Hey, I heard you do a podcast. Not Magic Tavern. I don't care about that one. Okay. Or Siblings Pecular or any of the other shit. What's the podcast you do again? I care.

Say there's a guy fell into a portal behind a Burger King. No, no, no, no, no, no. And he has to solve riddles. That would be a better podcast. And they never talk about falling into the portal

Yeah, we're also behind a Burger King, but you don't see us bragging about it.

My favorite thing is anytime someone just wants to talk to me and they're like, what are you doing? And eventually it comes to podcasts. I start to talk about either of my podcasts or both and their eyes glaze over and it's just like, oh, this is a treat.

So I guess that's something that we never really have brought up on the show is that Adal, Erin, and I are all in, we're recording this podcast from the magical land of Foon. We stepped into it. Flume. Flume. Well, no, Foon.

Do they?

Did they know that you're a wizard? Have we talked about you being a wizard?

Have I talked about that I'm a wizard from the fourth? A wizard in the sack. Yeah, from the fourth realm of Ephesus. And I'm a shapeshifter. Have that come up? And that, because it's an audio medium, you don't know that Adal's wearing the filthiest pink polo that I've ever seen in my entire life.

And it's a bit of a long con. You know, we really slow play the fact that we're playing different creatures and characters. But it's, I'm having fun.

I'm having a great time. I just don't think we ever let the fans kind of know that critical part of the show. Yeah.

I'm glad they know now. I'm glad they know now. And now they can draw us in a more accurate way.

Jape, someone approaches you and says you've been served. P.S., I hear you have a podcast. What do you say?

I have a podcast where we do riddles and then we do improv scenes based on those riddles. Too succinct. I guess I don't know. I'm trying to think of what a better, I need a better one. I need a better logline. I need something that makes me proud to say it. How do I be proud about this show? Is that possible?

That's why I always say I audition for TV shows and commercials and rarely get something. That's when people ask what I do for my own job.

You think it's better to say I audition for things that I rarely get than I have a successful thing?

People don't like when women are successful. What world do you think I live in?

I always tell people I died and went to Riddle Hell.

Oh, that's a good way. I like that. Can I use that too?

Yeah. There are, there are people I know who like, I feel like, I mean, we're full-time podcasters, we're successful, but I feel like there are people, people who are always like, are you still doing your little podcasts? And I'm like, yeah, it's part of my, huge part of my life. Or they'll be like, um, what's that, um, like, uh, what's that like, gotcha from the magic castle? And I'm like, gotcha from the magic castle. Either, either ask the name or don't pretend you don't know what I mean.

I hope when I was leaving my job and people were like, oh, what's next for you? I was like, well, I'm going to go spend more time doing my podcast. And they're like, oh, wow, I hope that works out. And I was like, no, no, no, it already did. It already did work out. That's why I'm leaving this job.

That's why I'm leaving for it. It already worked out. Hey, it worked out fine. President Pence, my man.

I'm going to keep drowning in auditions until I don't get anything, and then keep only talking about that. We went to New York. Did you guys have fun in New York? We haven't talked about that.

Had a great time in New York. Oh, yeah. I don't like it there. New York, we went for a few days, but the weekend, the Saturday, right? It was a Saturday that we were there. The weather was gorgeous. Beautiful. Unseasonably warm.

Jason and I walked around. We walked into a park.

It was great.

We got to be outside.

We fought some pigeons. We got to be in that park. We stood in the middle of the park and we said, any of you push us out of this park whoever does gets a thousand dollars.

And somebody came over and said, this is a cemetery. Eric said, I thought it was a Stoney Park. We went to Stoney Park and you said, there's so many memorials here. Erin, you and I went and saw Hadestown.

We did on that Friday night. How'd you like it? Oh man, it was so good. I tried to not know much going in. I'd only listened to the soundtrack once going into it. And it was so beautiful and so good. I would say especially the end of each act really blew me out of the water.

Wow. And you watched it while in a pool.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm being blown out of the water.

In a sensory deprivation tank, right? Yeah.

But I've been listening to it a lot since if you have the opportunity to see it, it is so good. So thank you, Adal, for my birthday gift of taking me. I hadn't seen a Broadway musical in a long time and it made me really, really happy. And I got a bagel on Saturday and I sat in Washington Square Park.

Did you meet a bodega cat? Yeah.

It was really nice.

Should we meet a pizzarete?

I would say I used to be obsessed with the idea of moving to New York my entire life. And then the last 10 times I've been, it's completely eaten me alive. Crazy shit happens to me when I go there. Like my hotel charged me three times to stay there this past time. But that Saturday I was like, oh yeah, this is why I love New York so much. Every other time I was like, why is this happening? Why am I in line so long at Whole Foods?

When I got to my hotel, I got into the elevator to go up into my hotel with two other women that were waiting for the elevator and there was a man who worked for the hotel in the elevator and we got in the elevator. You said two other women. I'm sorry, so there were two women waiting for the elevator. Great. A man who worked for the hotel and then I. Anyway, we got into the elevator and we, something smelled weird. We were all like making a face and he was like, yeah, it says fish. And we're like, what? And he's like, we're, this hotel's above a fish market. We're like, what? And he's like, it only stinks in the elevator. He was like, once you get to your rooms, it's fine. It's something about the ventilation shaft here. He's like, this is a, it smells like fish in this elevator. And it did. He was right. And he seemed to know immediately what we were like.

And you stayed at the Anchovy Romata? I didn't. No, I stayed at the, okay.

I just love the way you phrased that where you're like like if I was like I was in this park and there was two other dogs there I stayed at the okay but with another name

Who's old man puzzle-ish? I need to tell you a quick story. I wanted to tell you guys on the podcast. It's kind of gross and inappropriate, so skip ahead two minutes if you have kids in your car. So Sean and I stayed.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you've got kids in your car, do not listen to the show with those kids. You know this, it's episode 91. There's no way that they could listen to the show. We have a kid's friend in the episode.

Pop that on.

Go pop on the kid-friendly episode, you fucking dumb fucking idiot. Why would you listen to this with kids?

Sean and I stayed in New York.

Kids, get your parents' phones, called DSS.

Casey's on me. Get help. We stayed an extra day, and so on that Sunday night, we tried to go to sleep. Our flight was, we had to be at the airport like six in the morning, so we were like, we've got to get some sleep.

Love an early flight.

This is not... An exaggeration? This is not hyperbole. For four hours. From, I would say, 1 to 5 a.m. The couple in the room next to us in the thinnest walls in the world was having sex for four hours.

And you stayed at Sting's house?

Yes. Was your hotel? Well, we think they were on cocaine, but it was also the craziest, loudest thing I have ever heard in my life, and it did not stop. Can you give us some snippets?

Walk me through the journey.

I thought that Sean and I were going to go insane.

Was Sean humiliated? Because he can't provide that for you?

No, we were both like, that sounds fucking terrible.

You're in a hotel, right?

Yeah.

I had that problem on Friday night.

On Friday night, there was people partying all night and then once they went to bed at like 4, a baby woke up in the room next to us and from like 4 to 8 in the morning, the baby was crying. It was more like a toddler. And I called down to the front desk because for a couple of those hours, I was pretty sure that someone left a toddler alone. I was like, there has to be no one else in that room with a toddler. So I was having some hotel problems. And then Sean got there. Saturday night wasn't too bad. We weren't kept up by anything. And then Sunday night... I've never heard anything like it you guys.

Was there ebbs and flows?

No ebbs and flows.

It was straight up four hours.

No like 10 minute break.

Erin, did someone leave a porno on?

No, no. It was different enough. They had machines involved and there was stuff involved.

Was there any word set? What machines? Wait, what are you going to let that slide? What machines were involved? I gotta see a scene. I gotta see a scene. Like a fax machine? Was there like a dialogue internet?

I gotta see a machine.

It was very, very performative. That's the end of the story.

It was very performative?

Yeah, they were making so many noises.

For an audience of two?

Yeah, but they were making so many noises and none of it sounded genuine to me.

Oh, my penis feels so great. Do you think that they could have been shooting a porn?

No, I don't know.

Like in the hotel?

No, because there would still be breaks if it were.

Not if it's a union show.

A four hour porn. I want to get to your scene, but Sean the next morning at the airport, and his flight accident, like his ticket accident only got canceled, so we were in a bad spot. And then Sean looked over at me and his eyes were puffy and he was just like, the woman came before she died.

I'm in hell. His eyes are buff. He's coming out of context. He'll be like, whoa, they're going through a hard time.

Adal wants to see a scene.

Do you actually have a scene to see?

I thought you were saying I want to see a machine. I did eventually. Oh, OK. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

OK, so Japes and I are a couple having sex. And we're about two and a half hours in. And one of his introduces a machine into the equation.

Great. One of us does? OK.

Don't guess. Don't guess. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Yikes. Yikes.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh, sorry, I should introduce, uh... This, who is this? This is an android.

Oh! My name's Jenna Maschine. And I'm here to help with the sex.

Talk about a beautiful dark twisted fantasy. Mm-hmm.

So, um, as we're continuing to fight... Jesus Christ!

She's gonna... She's gonna buzz a lawn?

Mm-hmm. Isn't it sexy to get the chores done while we're fucking? Yeah, that's true.

Oh yeah, it's so good. Oh gosh, you're doing vertical stripes. That's not really... Oh, it makes the lawn look fat. See?

That's funny.

Did I tell you guys about my experience in the airport in Cancun? No, I can't wait. So this was when I was coming back from my trip to Mexico. I like that you stop in Cancun to get to Mexico. Yes. You know in airports there's a lot of airports that I'm familiar with especially I guess in the US there's like a lot of security like especially every time I go to O'Hare there's like cops everywhere well we're in the airport in Cancun it's the line is humongous we're running late for our flight and I'm at the little Kiosk trying to like print off our boarding passes because for some reason my name is John Patrick and some reason that never lets me check in for flights because it's like oh your name is different from what's on your passport because of the fucking middle name it doesn't it doesn't make any sense anyway so we're trying to check in at the kiosk to get our boarding passes and there are two airport employees I think they must work at like a rent-a-car company who are like Thanks for watching! You know when you see grown men fight? I'm not sure if you've seen grown men fight.

Not really.

They like grapple. There's lots of grappling. This isn't that. This is two men like amateur boxers trying to punch each other in the head. And they're like four feet from us, like making a wide arc because they're punching each other. And like Mariah's trying to watch my back while I'm like typing into the kiosk because I don't want to get like Just hit by a stray punch in this fight and no one is stopping them. No security in the airport. There's no security. There's people that work for the airlines that are just kind of watching. No one's making a move to stop this in any way. And then finally tourists come and pull these guys off of each other and both of them are bleeding from their faces. This is the rent-a-car people?

How is Hertz spelled? Because they could be in the right.

You will hurt. It was wild. No one was commenting on it. Everyone was just like, yeah, that's good.

Every time I've seen adults fight where it's sad, there's a lot of open arms like, what's up? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? And in their heads, you can tell they're both like, this is going to be so cool. And then they go to punch, and they miss, and they fall down. And then it is just all grappling where it's all Thanks for watching, see you next time.

What? Oh yeah, you fucking tough guy. And you're like, you need a hug from your mom yesterday.

There's nothing more, there's nothing more embarrassing than being like a grown man fighting another, like two men fighting in public. It's like, it's like, guys, like what are you, you are setting, everyone has this expectation for you and you are reinforcing that expectation. Like two men just punching each other in the head. It's like, fuck man, grow up. Speaking of growing up, let's do some riddles.

Fun. Yeah, that's what I would call growing up. So what used to be young man riddles is now old man puzzles. And that's Japes today. So what do we have in store? So this is very cool.

So a student of mine at IO at the end of our session of level three, so it's like, you know, eight weeks of class. They said that they love the podcast and then they gave me this riddle book.

And it's... Did they want their first name to be said?

Their name is Evan, so I don't know if they want their last name to be said. How'd they do in class? Well, they had me as a teacher, so they were fighting an uphill battle.

Is Evan familiar with any of my improv teams or like my Herald team?

I asked Evan if he knew Erin Keif and he said I maybe would know her if she ever got cast in something. Those were his words.

I'm going to modal on you guys.

And then I was like, are you maybe familiar with Adal Rifai? And he said, oh yeah, Compton Badger, big fan. No, but Evan gave me this riddle book. And so the theme of this riddle book is medieval puzzles.

Some of the... You know that piano sound? Just medieval sounds here.

The medieval piano sound? Sir, I'm going to play the medieval piano forte.

There is a castle in the sky. That's the only thing we know. The only thing we know collectively is like this. OK, cool. So yeah, these are kind of medieval themed riddles. And some of these are like visual math riddles that I was like, oh. No, thanks. We're not going to do this.

Your favorite thing though.

Maybe one of these days I'll like photo. Photo copy some of them and then make you guys do the visual math riddles.

Oh, when you want Adal to quit?

Yeah. I think it would be funny because the answer is like, for every math riddle, the answer is so unsatisfying because you have a bunch of numbers and it's like, the answer is 17. And you're like, who fucking cares? We're going to start another podcast called Hey Homework Homework. Yeah, Hey Homework. Just fucking stress dreams. What if we did start a podcast that was just us doing kids homework for them?

That should be a Patreon tier.

We'll just do your homework.

Or seduce your teachers.

When I yelled at you for having your kids listen earlier, bring them back. Tell them we're going to do their homework.

In all sincerity, email us your homework, hrrpodcast at gmail.com. We will do it on air. I'll do someone's homework. I'll do someone's homework.

I'll seduce your teacher.

And I'll eat your fucking lunch. Your teachers will not listen to this and I will say this right now. If you're in high school or college and you have to write an essay, I will write it for you for $100.

He's not kidding you. I'll do it for 99. I'll do it for 99.

That's a good deal. I can't go to your lower. I will seduce your teacher to give you an A. I can't stress this enough. I will seduce your teachers. I don't care age. I don't care gender. I'll seduce your mother for the teachers.

Erin will seduce your teachers for what? Were you going to put a price on it? For free baby. I'll confront your bullies. Adal and I will haggle over ready paper for you.

I would love for that to be my job. Well, Japes and I will write your papers one sentence at a time, oscillating who writes the sentence.

Did you guys ever have turnitin.com coming up? No. So, Erin and I, men of a certain age, had it. It was basically a website where you would submit any paper that you wrote, and then anyone else in the country or whatever who had submitted a paper, it would see if it was plagiarized against something else that had been a thing. So, I had a cousin who went to a small school in the country, and they Definitely never had anything on Turnitin.com, so I just plagiarized a whole paper from them and put it in and went on Turnitin.com and passed. I cheated all the time in high school, but it was very funny because it's very funny because I'm like, yeah, you built a fucking foolproof system. It was so easy. So easy for me to cheat your system. Your cousin went to farm you? Farm you. I also, there was a kid. One of the funniest experiences from my high school was in theater class. It was theater class. This is not a hard class to pass. We had an assignment to write a six-page something, like an essay. And I think it was like a very open-ended, you can do anything. Anyway, he chose to write his paper on Blade Runner. I'm not going to be able to read this for some reason, but he just plagiarized an essay on Blade Runner directly from the internet, but the essay wasn't long enough, so he just copied and pasted it again. So it was like four pages, and he copied and pasted it again, and our teacher read it, and then brought it, because no one expected our teacher to read these, and then he brought it into our class that we all had together, and it had a big red F on it, and it just said, Blagiarism. And then he slapped it down to the table and was like, you're a plagiarist. I'm not going to turn you in, but you should be ashamed of yourself if you get an F on this paper. And then the rest of us instantly scoured through this paper. We were like, man, what were you thinking? It wasn't even spaced right. It was like three big spaces and then the copy and paste right there. And we were like, dude, you fucked up.

Nobody's like, yeah, I don't know. Blagiarism. I've definitely, I've definitely had to type up like a four page report and it was three pages and then just like highlight and change the font size.

Yeah, font and one bigger margins, a little smaller. Okay, so this is your riddle. The title of this riddle is Barcelona. And there's some quotes in this, so I'm going to read this in character. Oh, this won't do. This won't do at all. The Sinisteral to the Count of Barcelona was a small, nervous man, and he was clearly flustered. What is the matter? The Sinisteral's assistant, well used to his master's moods, managed to keep his voice patient, but he could not inject any concern. The Count is having a small personal dinner engagement tonight. Everything must be perfect, and protocol is so variable. Well, who is attending us, the assistant? It cannot be that troublesome. Oh my! The Count is expecting his father's brother-in-law, his father's father-in-law, his father-in-law's brother, and his brother-in-law's father. So there will be five, said the assistant, even allowing for a niceties of status that doesn't seem so stern. Oh no, that is not at all correct, said the Sinisteral, fanning himself. That would be fine, but that is the very most people that it could be. The Count is expecting the very least. Question. The assistant peered at him suspiciously. How many is that?

One, two.

The least would be nobody.

No, it's- What's this puzzle? Wait, can you read the father-in-law-that shit? We need a- I need a paper. Okay. Does anyone have a piece of paper?

Do we need to write this down? Uh, does anyone listening have a piece of paper? Well, how- we all know that- If you have a piece of paper that Erin can borrow, email us at HR.com.

There's notecards over in the corner over there. Um, so we all know that royal families often have deep, deep, uh, incense. Pockets. All those robes.

Uh-huh. So, okay. The count is expecting his father's brother-in-law. Okay, hold on. His father's brother-in-law. His brother's father-in-law.

His brother's father-in-law.

His father-in-law's brother. His father-in-law's brother. And his brother-in-law's father.

What's the third one?

Okay.

Father's brother-in-law. Brother's father-in-law.

Father-in-law's brother. And Brother-in-Law's father.

Are they expecting Polly Shore's hit son-in-law?

Brother-in-law's father. No, they're expecting the chairman of the board. Is that Polly Shore? Ah, damn it. They're expecting, and this is all taking place in the biodome. The bayou dome in New Orleans? Bababouche in the bayou dome. Welcome to the bayou dome. The mud dogs want a bayou dome.

It's awful. Father, I mean... So some of these could be the same people, right?

Well, yes. So he said, um, who was attending and he said, uh, five, and he said five would be the most it could be, but he's expecting the very least.

So are they all the same people would be to be the countess and or the count and, uh, just one person who fulfills all those roles.

So I think the count is there. And then... Well, it's the Count's party, right? Yeah, this is the party, yes. It's a small, personal dinner engagement tonight. Everything must be perfect and protocol is so variable. And then it's the father's brother-in-law, the brother's father-in-law, his father-in-law's brother, and his brother-in-law's father.

Three. Two.

One.

No, it's three.

Blast off.

It's three.

It's three? Erin, finally it's okay. So since I'm not gonna let you guys keep guessing numbers, so I'm gonna have to get final answers on this one and then I'll tell you if you're right. Erin, your final answer is two? Yeah. Why is it two? Show your work. Erin, show me a note card.

It's this little chart and I know this won't make sense to anyone but me.

Okay, that does not make sense. Well, Erin is showing me an L and five dots. It looks like hieroglyphics. That doesn't make sense. What's your reason? Explain yourself.

Because they can be the same person.

Yes, they can be the same person.

So your father, my father's brother-in-law can be my brother-in-law's father.

Yes.

And my father-in-law's brother.

So do you want to revise your answer?

It's not one. Maybe it's one. Maybe it's one because I guess he could be the brother's father-in-law.

Adal? So it's one meaning the, what was it, account? It's just the count. The count is all those things to himself?

Just one man. The family tree is naughty and assumes marriage between cousins is not forbidden. That's what I said. Yeah. So when you, oh man. So when you marry your cousin, you really win twice because you get to be all your own father's brother-in-law. You get to be your brother's father-in-law. You get to keep your last name. You get to keep your last name. You get to fuck your cousin. You finally get to fuck your cousin.

Can I see a scene?

That's the number one search important, Rob. Wait, don't say ooh, Erin, because not an hour ago, you said that you would want to fuck every one of your cousins.

Well, that was when I messed up from hearing those people have sex. Can I see a scene? You two are cousins and you're at the family reunion and you're about to just like You're doing your speech announcing that you two are in love and you're gonna get married and you're just trying to like let everyone down easy, okay?

We're doing our speech!

Okay, got it. Sorry, can we have everyone's attention?

Grandma, can you drop your watermelon?

Watermelon, watermelon, Rudebegge, Rudebegge, Rudebegge.

Grandma, drop your watermelons.

But I'm eating my watermelons in Rudebegge.

Uncle Jim, put your Rudebegge down. We have an announcement to make.

We have a big announcement to mention. We have an announcement to mention. Josh, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?

Are you two fighting? Please don't fight it. I have.

Well, it's an F word. We're family. We're family. And we're also one other F word. Grandma, do you want to guess?

Are you about to sing happy birthday to me?

Is it your birthday?

It is.

Okay.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Grandma.

What's my name? What's my name?

Your name. It rhymes with Christmas, but I've never quite heard what it is. I know it rhymes with Christmas.

Grandma Blisspuss. Blisspuss. Grandma Blisspuss?

Grandma Swismus.

Grandma Swismus. Hot chocolate.

Yes.

That's why we call it hot chocolate.

That's where the family fortune comes from. We have an announcement to make. We're a hot chocolate family and don't forget it. If I see any of you drinking cold chocolate, I'll hit you over the head.

Drinking cold chocolate. Oh, that's quick. Jeff and I wanted to mention in front of everyone that we have decided that we were not satisfied with being merely cousins.

Business partners.

In a sense. Yes. And the business is sex. The sex.

I don't want to create sexual business. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

We're not going into the sex business. But business is booming. Jeff and I are sexually together. We're not selling it. We're... Flaunting it.

You're not going to ruin the Swiss Miss name. We only marry siblings in this family.

We love our sisters and we'll continue To fuck them.

No sibling, only sibling.

Fun. You don't want to keep doing that at all? No. Gotta be real, huh? Okay, this one's called, A Wise Man's Bluff. By the way, I love riddles with titles. It's one of my favorite things.

A Wise Man's Bluff. Adal, what do you like?

Yeah, you never tell us what you like. I like the sound of rain. Whiskers on kittens.

Great copper kettle.

What are you doing? Cough-dropped flavored donuts. What else?

Cough-dropped flavored donuts. Donut flavored.

Cough-dropped. The entire Honda sedan line. That's a cord, Gabriel. Yeah. I like telling people I watch Bloodlines, but I never did. What else? I like Dean Coons.

Okay.

I like gluten-free pistachio donuts from stands and living in my head, but no one asked me.

Jesus Christ. You know what? I gotta take some time to recover from that. We're gonna hear all about a wise man's bluff right after we hear a word from some of our sport cults.

And, Japhe, that's the new Rothfuss book, Wise Man Bluffs.

The new Patrick Ross's book is actually called The Wise Man's Buff, so it's all about a naked man running through wizard school. We'll be right back under the images.

Mom, Dad, can I come in your room?

Actually, Adal, it's JPC and Erin, your mom and dad are on vacation and we're just sleeping in their bed.

Oh, okay.

We're eating a lot of ribs. Sorry, I'm eating rib lids. And I'm eating ribs. And we're watching all sorts of fun stuff. On the TV.

On the TV.

What can we do for you, champ? Well, I usually come and sleep in my mom and dad's bed because they have a helix mattress.

Oh, it's the best. Why do you think we're here?

Yeah, that's why we're here. We love your mom and dad's Helix mattress because, you know, as Erin and I have very different sleep preferences, and this Helix mattress is split right down the middle. I'm a hot sleeper. She's a size sleeper.

Let's call the whole thing off.

We have a mattress that works for both of us.

And my parents didn't buy me a mattress, I just sleep on a sack of potatoes. Hey, well we're gonna want those potatoes for dinner so you better get them out of the sack.

But if you want a mattress, why don't you just go to Helixsleep.com, take their two minute sleep quiz. If I want a mattress, that will match you to the mattress type from your body type that best fits your sleep preferences.

Because I bet you want to be sleeping on the bed that was even awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2019 by GQ and Wired magazine.

And they're like the odd couple they don't agree on anything. Yeah well I mostly love that they have a 10-year warranty and you get to try it out for a hundred nights risk-free and they'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it and you will.

I know you're just a little stupid baby but go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle take the sleep quiz and find out for yourself.

Yeah, you dumb baby. Helixsleep.com slash Riddle, stupid baby.

And if you do it now, they're offering $200 off all mattress orders for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E. We, to be honest, are my parents dead?

Who's to say?

That's helixsleep.com slash Riddle for up to $200 off your mattress.

Lords and Ladies, please, please, your attention please. The year is 12-13 and I will now play the piano. Of course, we have a Steinway here, which is not ideal, but we'll make it work. And how much does a Steinway? About 90 stone. That's a big glass of beer.

Sorry, I'm late. I was walking over bodies in the street. Did I miss any puns?

No, no, not at all, not at all. Oi, can we get some more riddles? Yes, good man. Yes, good man. We'll do another riddle for the... What are the standing... What are those called? Peasants? Yes, peasants. Oh, Shakespearean times. What's the... Who? Come on, man. Fucking me halfway, my brother. What do they call the people who stood?

Groundlings.

The groundlings, yes.

Oh, you're talking about the L.A. Comedy Club, Will Ferrell.

No, that's Sunday's... Christian Wieg. What is it? The Sunday Company? Yes. All right, anyway. A wise man's bluff. Ancient legend dictated that unless the Lord retained a certain number as advisors, the town would suffer disaster. Unfortunately, that number was clouded in vague language, and the wise men invariably disagreed with one another on every single topic under the sun. Simply greeting them with good morning would lead to hours of impassioned argument. Asking them to agree on how many of their own number could be safely retired was utterly absurd. The legend insisted that the wise you must keep around you at all times. Without them, famine and pestilence will descend. They shall guard you by seeing all eventualities in awe Wait, what's up now? Are the wise? The wise you must keep around you at all times. Without them, famine and pestilence will descend. They shall guard you by seeing all eventualities and all manners of observation. Thus, let there always be seven blind of both eyes to see where sight cannot. Two blind of one eye to see in light and shadow. Four with sight.

Two blind of one.

Yes, two blind of one eye to see in light and shadow. Four with sight in both eyes to clearly perceive danger. And nine that see with one eye for the sake of clarity.

What is the smallest number of wise men? Another one of these fucking things. Two, one, one. The will of the required ones. One and he has 50 fucking eyes.

Can you read the numbers again?

Yes, so. It's a wise 50 eyes.

All right. Thus, let there be always, I'm sorry, let there always be seven blind of both eyes to see where sight cannot, two blind of one eye to see in light and shadow, four with sight in both eyes to clearly perceive danger, and nine that see with one eye for the sake of clarity.

I mean, anyone who sees with two eyes, that also sees with one eye. The eyes have it.

Erin, you are absolutely right. And to Adal, by the same token, you are absolutely right. Because you're both on the right track. Being blind of one eye does not preclude the other. You just need the totally blind people and the people that see. Sixteen wise men in total, according to the prophecy, you need seven who are blind and nine that see with one eye, but there's no requirement that one eye preclude the other. So the two who are blind in one eye and the four that see with both eyes can both be included among that initial speaking.

So who are we bumping? Who are the people who are bumping? The wise men are getting out of there.

So you got to get 16 out of there. So you're basically, I mean, I really hope that we have good social programs in place because you are, I think, kicking some one-eyed people out of a job.

Speaking of one-eyed people, I want to see a scene. The two of you are two wise people in an ancient kingdom, and you're trying to vie for the top spot. The king can only keep one of you, and you're trying to show your prowess.

Idiot says what? Idiot says what?

And you said it again, my king. She said it twice. She said it twice. Well, let's not be so hasty. Continue your battle of wits.

Wait, I have a knock knock joke for you. You start.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Go for it.

I can read about this. Damn son, she put you on the spot. Go for it.

Go for what?

Go for Mark. Is your name Mark? No sir. Mine is a point from you. It's Kyle. Let me take my abacus here.

You did get one over on me. You got one over on me. I feel like a little bit of a fool. I would like to offer you, as a gift to ease the tension, some up dog. Say it. Would you like some up dog?

I don't care for up dog. But what's up with you? One of us is the Joker at the end of this and one of us is the Wiseman.

Oh, okay.

Well, the Joker won an Oscar. The Wiseman won. I had something fun to say. Oh, yes. Mama Mia, fuck you. That's an abacus.

And here's an Abba kiss. Do they?

You. What's your name?

Uh, Mark.

What's up, Mark? You shall be my new... What's up, doc? You shall be my new representationist.

Not much, motherfucker.

Huh? Huh? Save.

I won.

Uh, this one is called Alquin. Outgrewing the abbot of mouth Abby was greatly- Hold on. What's that phrase? Al Kwin, the abbot of... now in Mortier... Just say Baltimore. Baltimore? Al Kwin, the abbot of Baltimore Abbey... Thank you. ...was greatly fond of intellectual challenges and had become known far and wide as a fierce scholar and teacher. One afternoon, he called his students into his office and indicated to them five numbered sacks, which he informed them held grain. Five sacks. I'm gonna beat your students with a sack of rice. I'm Baltimore, your ass down with the rice. Pay attention, he said. Each of these sacks contains a different amount of grain. Take them together.

One and two weigh 12 pounds. Is this gonna be how many limit, like, what's the fewest amount of fucking sacks?

Similarly, two and three together weigh 13.5 pounds. Numbers three and four weigh 11.5 pounds. And the last two sacks, four and five, collectively weigh just eight pounds. Finally, it would be useful to know that sacks one, three, and five all together weigh 16 pounds. What is the weight of each sack? Wow, this sucks. Adal did not write anything down.

I'll do it. I'm just going to have to be quiet. I can't make jokes or talk while I figure this out.

Okay, so Adal, once again, Erin is doing all of the work, and you are here to make jokes.

Something Goldman Sachs. Okay, interesting. What else do you have on that? How many sacks? Well, Lawrence Taylor probably weighed like 235, sack king of the NFL. He's sack king of the NFL. Famously in any given Sunday. What else? Sacks be nimble, sacks be quick. What about wait? What is the wait of each sack? Wait, wait, don't sack me. What else? Dude, wait, wait, don't sack me would be great. That's a quarterback. Okay, Adal.

Wait, wait, don't sack me. We're going to see if this is NPR's wait, wait, don't sack me.

Welcome to another episode of wait, wait, don't sack me. The show where I vie for my job. Hey, fortitude. Blue. Please, don't do this. They're going to sack me. Fortitude. Please. I have to generate good content. Please. Save. Please, Jay Cutler.

So four has to be less than seven. A three is something point five.

Four is always less than seven.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't sack me.

Sack number four has to weigh less than seven pounds.

Yes. But you said 3 is 3.5?

No, 3 is something 0.5.

Uh, no. 3 is not. 3 is the only one that's not 0.5.

So 2 and 4. Oh, the rest have 0.5 in it? Even 1 and 5?

Even 1 and 5.

Even 1, even 1. Mm-hmm. Even 1 and 5. Okay, well then... What are in these sacks?

More freaking sacks?

Right. 4 has to be 6.5. 3 is the only whole number.

Three is the only whole number. So I'll go over this one more time just for everyone at home to fucking blow their minds. Out. Each of these sacks contains a different amount of grain. Taken together, one and two weigh 12 pounds. So there is a 0.5 in each one of those. Two and three weigh 13.5 pounds. Three and four weigh 11.5 pounds. And four and five weigh just eight pounds. And if you do one, three, and five together, that's 16 pounds, baby.

So medieval riddles are just fucking math equations?

Yeah, I mean, I think that the medieval aspect of this was some stuff that you made me change to Baltimore, so... This is just a Baltimore... I stand by that. This is a Baltimore Orioles sack riddle. So yeah, actually this is just a riddle of sacks weighing different things.

That's all this is. Erin's beautiful minding it over here.

I feel like I'm being so dumb right now and not doing an easy way of going about this. Speak right into that mic. I'm using my scattered part of my brain to figure this out. I just need a few more minutes. I really want to get this though, so continue to make content and I'll be over here.

Okay, Erin, do you want me to give you... Wait, I think I'm close to something. Just give me one second.

Stop talking to Erin. I'm not talking to Erin. She can only do one thing at a time. She's close to something.

And so we're gonna just let her pass. All right, Adal, while Erin is doing that, I'm going to give you... Interview? No, I'm going to give you... You are so fond of changing these riddles. So it's Alquin, the abbot of Marimatir Abi. So now I want you to modernize that. So abbot, that's kind of an old timey thing. Marimatir Abi is kind of an old timey thing. So what is this person's name? Can't be Alquin anymore.

Okay, it's not Alquin, it's Al Bundy. It's not an abbot, it's a Castello.

Um.

Oh no. So, uh, Mermettier Abi. Mermettier? How's that spelled? N-A-R-M-O-U T-I, Metroid. Gotcha. Al Bundy, Metroid of Castello.

Well, of, but it's Malamute or Abby.

Okay. But so what is Abby replaced with? Abby, who's the other one in Broad City? There's Ilana. Ilana? Mm-hmm. So this would be, um, Al Bundy.

Mm-hmm. The... Metroid. No, no, the Abbott. What's Abbott? Castello. Oh, Al Bundy, the Castello of Metroid Ilana. Very nice. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's way more modern. And that's something that the kids can understand. Erin?

I have a question.

Oh, no.

Are any of them the same weigh the same amount?

No, they do not weigh the same amount.

None of them do. No. Is three nine pounds? Okay, all right.

Back in your work closet. Oh, here we go.

Okay. You want to give me another hint?

No, no, please. No, I don't want to give you another hint.

Give me one more.

I don't know how to give a hint here. I can just, well... No, I... Here, I would like to tell you how to answer this question. Okay, so here's how to answer. Consider together each of the sacks is weighed twice, except number three, which is weighed three times. Add all the totals together and subtract twice the weight of 1 and 2 combined, and also twice the weight of 4 and 5 combined, and you'll get 21, which is 3 times the weight of 3. And it's also blackjack.

7. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. Then wait. Can they give me a second? I'm going to figure out the rest.

From there, you can easily substitute to find the values. So yes, the weight of 3 is 7, and now Erin is going to run back and get more paper. Let's see. Adal, Alcuin the Abbot of Marmot Theatre Abbey was greatly fond of intellectual challenges and had been known far and wide as a fierce scholar and teacher. When you are known far and wide, who do you think that people will know you as? A fierce, let's see. A fierce scholar and teacher.

I'm going to be a fierce shitter.

Buddy, we gotta talk about that.

Baby shitter?

We gotta talk about how you're a fierce shitter. That's not a compliment. Doctors say you got maybe three shits left. You gotta calm down. You have three shits to live. What? You're like Eddie Murphy with the leaves falling from the tree.

And we have so many words. And then I have to die. And then you have to shit. Japes, do you consider yourself, now that you quit your job, do you consider yourself a content creator? Oh boy, that's got, yeah. We gotta start using that. We gotta start tossing that label around.

I don't think I can be, I don't think I can consider myself a content creator until I'm a contestant on a 90-day fianc. What are those, what's that show that you, Love is Blind? Every time that there's any like Love Island, Love is Blind, any reality show.

It's people who want more followers.

But it's also like, yeah, they're like, their job is influencer, content creator, marketing manager, sales manager.

Can I start calling you a content creator?

I would, yeah, I'd say that is true.

I'm very content with the creations that I make. But instead of saying it, I'll write it down later on in the night. I was working in my tent.

Maybe this is right. What do you call yourself?

Do you call yourself a podcaster? Okay.

I'll start at 1. 1 equals 5.5, 2 equals 6.5, 3 equals 7, 4 equals 4.5, 5 equals 3.5.

All wrong. Is what I would say if it was opposite day. Erin, you got them all exactly correct.

Can you go over how to do that again? I'm so sorry that I didn't know how to do that.

So consider it together. Each of the sacks is weighed twice, except 3, which is weighed three times. So add all the totals together and subtract twice the weight of one and two combined and twice the weight of four and five combined and you'll get 21 which is three times the weight of three. I can't express enough.

I had the thought to add, I did add them all together and then I then I, it unraveled.

I would never have thought of how to do that, but hearing the explanation of it makes me think, yes, that is how you would do that. And Adal, what do you have to say for yourself?

Oh moments ago I was saying I can't express enough how stressful these riddles are. I really like these. Truly, anytime you're reading and you start tossing out like, you know, box number one had 42 centimeters is just like my brain glosses over and I, my eyes roll back in my head.

The last riddle, that last riddle that I read, we were still in the preamble. We hadn't even gotten to the riddle part.

Adal goes, huh? You were like Algonquin de Bongum of Merklemore and Binklebom.

What is this? The Swedish chef? All right, I promise you Adal, I promise you this one's different. I promise you you'll like this one a little bit better. I also promise you right now, and I will promise this, I didn't read this ahead of time.

I'm ready.

This one's called Three Boatmen. The master of a small marina on St. Mark's basin in Venice found himself faced with particularly trying problem. Some equipment had been stolen and the witnesses all disagreed vehemently with each other. One of the men was telling the truth, but the boat master could not tell which one it was.

Stripped of all the hand waving... You go take the boat and you say we're going to tear this boat in half. Each person gets a half of the boat and whoever goes, no,

Take my half. Take my baby. Stripped of all the hand waving and flowery insults. Let's hear some flowery insults.

Ooh, that tulip is fucking ugly.

A rose by any other name is fuck you.

Danny's more like I'm gonna pee on you because you're boring.

Look at the stems on this one.

Sunflower, it looks like you haven't seen the sun in so long. You pale.

Fauna, more like Yana. Tulips, more like fat lips. Kablam.

Kablam.

Strept of all the hand-waving and flowery insults, the three boatmen's claims could be summarized as follows. Artigio. That's his name.

Medici is lying! When I hear medieval, I have to say, I think of England. Every riddle you said has been French, Italian, or Spanish.

They had the Renaissance too, my guy. I know, but medieval.

Open your fucking mind, my man. They had horses in all the France.

Okay.

Arigio, Benizi is lying.

Okay, I gotta hear it. Oh, you're doing it.

How far up the egg do the France go? Episode title.

Arigio, Benizi is lying. Benizi. Sipola is lying. I hate this. Sipola. The other two men are both lying. His name is Syphilis. His name is Syphilis. Singular. Question. Which one should the boatmaster trust? The boat master. The boat master. They call him the boat master.

He should. Two of them he can't trust. Two of them are bad and one is good.

So. Doctor, where's the boatman? The witnesses all disagreed vehemently with each other. One of the men was telling the truth, but the boatmaster could not tell which one it was. So one man's telling the truth, two men are lying. Can you read what they said again in Saan's accent? So man number one says man number two is lying. Great. Man number two says man number three is lying. Great. Man number three says one and two are both lying. And one's telling the truth.

Is this like the Let's Me Get Deal Riddle?

It kind of is like that, but there are three people.

He says they're both not telling the truth.

He says the other two men are both lying.

Okay.

Yes. Number three. Sipola. B. Um, Brinitzi? Oh, all their names are Arigio Brinitzi Sipola. A, B, C. Look at that. Um, why do you think B?

Give me a sec.

Okay. B is saying that Cepula is lying, and Cepula is the one who's saying the other two men are both lying.

I want to see a scene.

Oh, because then he would say... That's not possible. Can anybody hear me? Yeah, B. B is my answer.

Erin's answer is B, and Adal, you want to see a scene? I just realized I'm locked in a coffin. I died, and this is my hell. Participate! Locked in a coffin.

Be like me and go into this horrible place unless you answer this right.

If you were dead in a coffin, you'd be like, oh man, is this thing locked? Oh, somebody locked this coffin.

Why? Weird.

Why would anybody lock a coffin? Just in case. I mean, the only reason to lock a coffin is if you think I might not be dead. Exactly. No, hey.

Someone thought he might not be dead. Lock the coffin. No, we thought you might be giants.

Well I have a question about the coffins. Are they locked from the inside or the outside? Because locked from the inside, your loved ones don't want someone robbing your grave. You have to give them permission to get in. Locked from the outside, what the fuck are we doing here?

How do you lock the coffin from the inside though? Hey Anthony's an asshole right?

I think I'm done with him. You put a key.

Right? I think so. I want to see a scene. Okay. Well, boy, now I want to see several scenes. Let's see a scene to go off the Riddle. I want to see a scene. Erin and I are on a cruise. Love it. Japes, you're the sort of boat master, as it were, cruise master. Love it. And we find out that you've been lying to us this whole time. Excuse me, Captain? Oh, those are nice pitchforks.

Excuse me, Captain Fun? And we're saying that in quotation marks?

Captain Party Fun? You said that's your name? Call me Party. If you're the Captain, why are you mopping the floors?

Well, you know, a good general has to be intimately involved in all operations of his gender quit.

My wife and I, we... I'm his wife. Thank you. That's my husband. Okay. My wife and I took pictures of the cruise boat. We've sent it to some friends and they have gotten back to us letting us know that this is a garage.

They told us that this is a garage.

No. Pasadena.

This is a garage band cruise. A garage band themed cruise ship.

If we are in a garage, then how do I still have sea sickness?

Well, you've been taking your Dramamine, correct?

Dramamine.

You've been listening to Modest Mouse?

My Dramamine? Dramamine? I never take my Dramamine, because I like to keep the drama.

Well, if you don't like your Dramamine, then maybe you'd like your Drama Suite.

Yell at him, honey. Huh? Yell at him?

Um, fuck you, man. Well, okay, hold on now, hold on. No, no, no. No fighting aboard the ship.

Do the thing that guys do when they fight. Start to cry and go after each other. Hey man.

You want to fucking fight me man? Earlier when I said I want to know where the shuffleboard is, you took a deck of cards and said board yet? Okay, yes, that's true. That was very funny.

I could be quite a wise man back in the day if I did something like that.

Look, I assure you, I assure you, you are on a cruise ship. And this couple fed up with this man, Shenanigans, have put him in a casket, buried him six feet on the ground, and locked the casket. We cut to this man waking up inside the casket. Oh, this again. Okay, okay. How did you get out of this last time? Truly the funniest thing possible is to wake up in a coffin that's locked and go this again.

I would like to see a scene. It's that guy. He's in a coffin. It's the time right before this time that he's waking up in a coffin.

Okay. You're in a coffin. At least you didn't shit yourself this day.

Glad I asked.

All right. So, Erin, you think that Benitzi is the one who's telling the truth?

Yeah, I don't know.

Saying that Sibela is lying?

So... Wait, wait, wait. No. Wait.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So... Only one man can be telling the truth and the other two must be lying.

That means... So... Give me one more second.

One says that two is lying. Two says that three is lying. Three says one and two are lying. Yes. So how... Let's see.

No, because if C is definitely lying, because if both of those guys were lying, then that would mean B is telling the truth, which means C is lying.

Huh?

So C is... It's not C. Well, let me... Not C?

Where?

It's me, Indiana Jones. I'll do you in, Hitler. You'll not see.

Yeah, it's B. B. B is my answer.

Adal? I would like to guess who's lying based on their appearance. Great.

Outie Joe, he's kind of swarthy looking, very Mediterranean, thick curly black hair, big mustache. Great. But see, he's kind of swarthy looking, he's got thick curly black hair, big mustache. Two Marios? And Cipro, he's a little bit different. He's kind of, I would say he's got more of a swarthy look. Very Mediterranean, big black curly hair, and a big mustache. All three are telling the truth. Yes. All three are telling the truth. They're some of the greatest guys I ever known. They're some of my boys, my best guys. I would die for these guys. I would die for these shoobies.

Shooby, I'd die for you shooby. Fuck you, you watched it. You love the circle.

I only know what that means. I only know what that means through memes. Memes through me. So, the answer is Sipula.

No!

Yes, so it has to be Sipula because if only one person is telling the truth and The first two statements are the same. That means it can't be either one of them. It has to be Cippala, who has the only statement that is unique. The first two statements are the same? Well, yeah, so they're both saying that one other person is lying. I'm saying one other person is lying. I see. One person saying one other person is lying, and then the other one saying both people are lying.

That was way more Cippala than we originally thought. Don't you forget about me? Cippala minds.

Okay. I want to see one final scene. We've done a lot of scenes on this one, but I want to see another scene on this one. Who would like to play Ereggio? Ereggio? Ereggio.

I'll do that.

Okay. Adal? Ooh, Adal. You'll be Ereggio. Erin, do you want to be Benizzi or Sipala? Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Benizio Beniz No. He put an inferior cheese in the parmesan. He cut it. I cut the parmesan with... He cut the cheese. Hold on.

You cut the cheese. At least I didn't shoot my pants this time. I cut the parmesan with the manchego.

And Benitzi, Benitzi helped them. Benitzi took a big bite of them in Chego and said, it's a parmesan. It's a parmesan. That's what you said, Benitzi.

CPO. CPO, you're the one with your cousin. You're the one fucking your cousin.

Hold on.

You're the one trying to marry and fight your cousin, CPO. Don't come after our cheese.

It's not CPO. It's three CPO. Three CPO. Three CPO.

When we're here...

We are a family.

So he's going to try to fuck us. Because he thinks we're the cousins.

No, I think you as brothers, I would never want to marry you. I would fuck you, but I would never want to marry you.

He's a lion.

We're not to marry your brothers?

You're not to marry your brothers?

This is a bad scene. Sorry. I think that was authentic. I think that we did that with a lot of authenticity. Okay, so Adal, your experience with this medieval book of riddles, I want to get just a quick gauge because this is a huge book, there's lots of riddles in it. Quick gauge, scale of one to ten, how much are you enjoying these? Zero. Great. So, you know that's gonna only want to make me bring this book back more, right?

Mm-hmm. That helps. It hurts, but I like it nine out of ten.

Nine out of ten? Erin's actually really good at these riddles. Mm-hmm.

No, I'm just passionate about them.

Just like I'm really good at sex in terms of like, I'm passionate. That's how I'm gonna describe this podcast now. Like, oh, it's a riddles podcast.

We're very passionate about riddles. Are you good? I'm passionate. Very passionate. Yeah. Anything to plug, GPC? Well, I'm trying to think. Do you know some things that you have seen people do with passion that are not good?

Have you ever seen little kids ice skates?

Yeah, terrorism.

Have you ever seen any kind of little kids sport?

I was going to go more to Erin's camp, which is like an eighth grade play.

Have you ever seen a junior production of Annie? Yeah, you're gonna have passion with no talent. Sharp Lily.

Yes, what would I like to plug? So you can follow me on Twitter at JPsofly. You can follow me on Instagram at sharkbarkman. I would also like to plug our Patreon. It's a lot of fun over there. We got a Discord. People are chatting. People are meeting. People having some drinks. They're mingling. They're making romantic connections. Most people in there are I want to plug English Medieval Times. The best of all Medieval Times was in England.

Who's the best at times? So I think check that out. Also known as the Dark Ages, I believe. I'm going to get a lot of tweets about that one. Fuck you all. So check that out. Maybe watch Kevin Costner's Robin Hood. Or, you know, something to just get you in the immediate world. Or Jamie Lee Fox's Robin Hood. Or Martin Lawrence from Black Knight. All great representations of Black Knight, so many British medieval times.

Follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram. I'm also on the Harold Team Comet at the I.O. Theatre in Chicago. So if you ever want to see me on that show, you can message me on Instagram and I can give you free tickets. I'm also on a show called Wet Bus on Thursdays at 10 p.m. at the I.O. Theatre every single week. And if you want free tickets to that, just message me on Instagram as well.

Pardon me, I hate to interrupt you, Sir Galileo. I see you observing the night sky in this, the Italian medieval times. What do you see through your telescope?

Well, a moment ago I was looking through a window at a family eating dinner feeling jealous of how close and warm their house seemed. But also I saw a planet the other day and I named it Jupiter.

Why, Galileo?

Why what?

Why Jupiter?

I have a knock knock joke. He's a witch! The plague! Bye forever! That was a Headgum podcast.