Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. Hey, guys. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin. Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm a little bit stressed.

Oh, are you experiencing stress? Oh, would you go back to college?

Yeah, I went back to college, I went back to being 18, and I'm just really nervous about who my roommate's going to be. You know, college stuff.

Oh, you're 18? This is the way an 18-year-old looks and talks? Looks and talks? Nothing. Nothing. What were you going to say? I'm sure, Erin, I'm sure there's lots of anxiety around that, too.

Of course. And I'm having a hard time falling asleep. And I was just wondering, do you know anything about the world of CBD? Any recommendations on how I can get into that?

Erin, you know that Feels is a sponsor of this show, right?

Oh my god, I love feels.

Yes, of course. Who doesn't love feels? It's premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep.

And since I'm new, I can call a CBD hotline to help guide me through the discovery process.

That's something that feels offers and they'll help guide you through your own personal experience using feels.

They'll also deliver their premium CBD directly to your doorstep. Well, I mean your dorm step, I guess I should say. Yeah, it's a dorm step.

It naturally helps you reduce stress, anxiety, pain, and sleeplessness. That's what I use it for most, sleeplessness, but I am new to it at the beginning of this ad, but I've also used it.

Hold on. Why don't we say that I have personal experience using feels? Okay, go. What is it? Well, it's, it comes in a little dropper and you drip, drip, drip, drop the little droplets on your tongue and it takes you to a natural land of reduced stress, anxiety, and pain.

I call it Relaxville. And when I take Feel CBD, I'm the mayor of Relaxville. I got a little sash and everything. Warning, you may lose the vote for Mary's last vote.

And if you want to use feels, you join the membership, you join the feels community, and you get feels delivered to your door every single month.

But you can pause or cancel any time, which is very cool.

He was about to say that, Erin. No, I wasn't. I truly was not. I was never going to say that.

He was never going to say that.

Can I walk that back?

Rip, rip, rip, rip. Hey guys, I'm going to college.

Listen, Fools has me feeling my best every day and it can help you too. All you have to do to become a member is go to Fools. That's F-E-A-L-S dot com slash R-I-D-D-L-E and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. That's F-E-A-L-S dot com slash R-I-D-D-L-E to become a member and get 50% off automatically on your first order with free shipping.

CBD stands for come on, baby. Do it.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, and then we're going to finish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle.

And the morning came riding.

The three of us are gathered here today to remember our friend and host of Hey Riddle Riddle, Adal Rifai. Wow. I can't believe he's finally gone.

I can't believe we didn't make a formal funeral for him.

I can't believe it's just us three, but in many ways that makes sense. He died as he lived, trying to fart on a duck.

And then getting fucked to death by that duck.

So with these ashes, what are we doing? Cooking them? Throwing them?

Oh yeah, I was planning on cooking these ashes. What did anyone like to say a few words? A few words. I'm just fucking wrong. Yeah, I guess so. I guess I can say a couple words for Adal. We didn't know much about Adal. We never asked. Never thought to do it. What else is in the news? Are you doing a tight five? I'm going to do some of my characters now.

Today is a sad day. Adal died on April Fools trying to make you two laugh. And it saddens me that you have nothing to say.

I'll say a few words. Okay. Here is my grocery list. Trader Joe's gnocchi.

Yikes.

Soup. Lettuce. Fresh lettuce.

That's a real mixed diet.

Everything but the bagel mix.

Chews a lane.

Sweet potatoes.

Chews a lane.

Cottage cheese. Well... Green beans.

As we spread these... I call this character horny dinosaur. I guess you could say I'm a triceratop.

Potato chips. Chicken nuggets.

I guess you could say I'm a bottomsaurus.

Fun stuff. So I do have here Adal's last will and testament.

Oh sweet, are we getting money?

I'm sorry, you want to do a pterodactyl? He actually wrote on it last will and grace testaments. That was our Adal.

Again, we didn't know him. We didn't really know him.

I'm going to open this up here. He asked that the two of you be in my presence when I read it aloud. Are you ready? We could be getting money if it's the Adal I know. It's a single sheet of paper. Let me read it aloud now. This is for Kiki and Japes, otherwise known as Erin Keif and JPC.

He did know my name.

It reads, Currency, currency, currency. Aggregated data. Income for those who correctly process. Puzzbot's 0097 Bitcoin giveaway. Puzzbot's 0097 Bitcoin giveaway based on the manual for Puzzbot, a robot who was designed to do two things, feel pain and solve riddles. Your parent's sibling adapts to cryptocurrency as per the modern times.

Wait just a second.

And Arnie Parrott has a new theme song.

Is that?

Money, money, money. Puzzies, puzzies, puzzies. It pays to be right. Adal Rifai's $100 giveaway.

No, it's a new thing. It's a completely new thing. No, it's a new thing, Erin. Based on the book. Did you just hear Buzzbot? Buzzbot said it's a completely new thing.

But Uncle Adal writes a check.

I don't know what that is.

This is a brand new thing. This seems very fucking familiar.

Well, let's play that one.

Money, money, money. Puzzies, puzzies, puzzies. It pays to be right. Adal Rifai's hunting, all the give-away. Gays, play, all the give-away. Based on the book Attitude, my life is written in places. Adal Riddle writes a check. Fuck me, that's too fast.

Satisfied. And now back to mine. Adal programmed me to run one last game show for the two of you. Wow. Puzzbot.

But it's April Fools.

Yes. People still die on April Fools all the time and it's one of the most tragic things. Looking up people who died on April Fools. Searching database. Princess Die. Delete database. Delete database.

Okay Puzzbot. Here's the thing. Is the money real even though it's April Fools?

Yes, whoever wins will get up to .0097 Bitcoin. By the time this comes out, that could be any number of money. I'm ruined. Or, thank God, but I don't believe in God, am I robot? And you were designed only to feel pain and do riddles. I was designed to do two things. Feel pain and... Two bubblegum. Two bubblegum.

Nope.

I was designed to do two things. Eat riddles and shit answers.

That is dead.

That is dead. Okay. Let's do some riddles. Okay. Are there rules to this game show, Puzzbot? Yes, there are. I'm going to ask a puzzle or riddle and you answer it. Wow. If you think you know the answer, you will Puzzbot in and I will respond to you. Okay. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Are we ready to play? Also, if at any time I say rep for Puzzy, you will have to do a rep. Whoever has the better one will get part of the cryptocurrency. Part of the cryptocurrency. So we can split this into more farther.

No, that's not what I said.

I'm sorry. You're being contentious.

I'm ready Puzzbot.

I'm trying to be a contender.

Hit me with your best shot.

Searching song written by... Pat Benatar. Well, she sang it. Written by Patrick Benatar. Okay, is everyone ready? Yes. Also, if at any time I call for a scene, you can win the scene. Oh, okay. Probably by playing the most believable human. Because I am still learning. Sure. Adal didn't give me much to go on. Yeah, well.

I can't believe he's making you do this voice the whole time.

He just gave me wordplay and that's it. Yeah, if you're searching for humans, this might not be the right podcast for you. We've got three cartoon characters.

One of them's okay.

All the answers to these questions. Contain double Z's, much like Puzzbot. Oh, yeah. So if you think you know what Puzzbot in... Hey Puzzbot, when there's more than one of you, is it Puzzbots?

Hmm? Nevermind.

Would you like to meet Adal's other creations? Yeah. I've never told you about this. What's this towel? That's just a towel. That's his graveyard. Okay, gotcha. Would you like to meet some of the other creations here? Yeah, sure Puzzbot. He made many robots, but he was ashamed of all of them but me. Oh, you were the best.

Can't wait to see.

Here's the first one.

Hello, I am Fandroid. It's so nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's Erin Keif. Oh my God.

You are amazing. Oh, come on Fandroid. Are you a fan of my work?

Yes. I have listened to every episode of Hey Riddle Riddle 5000 times. It is all I know.

I'm about to blow your mind. This is JPC. This is JPC from Hey Riddle Riddle. Can you take a picture of me and Erin?

Fuck you. Fuck you. I throw your phone into the ocean. JPC.

What? That's a fan of mine. Can you please respect my fans? I am a fan.

Erin, can I ask you something? Yeah, of course you can ask me anything, fan-droid.

I think the fan-droid might be malfunctioning in some way.

Were you buried on an island for 20 years by a one-eyed man because you are a fucking treasure?

I was buried on an island for many years, but that was sort of a different story.

I'm so sorry to bring that up. Oh no, I blew it. No, I blew it. I'm so sorry.

I'll take a selfie, fan-droid.

No, fan-droid, you absolutely suck.

Selfie, fan-droid.

You can't take a selfie because the camera's in my face.

Oh, what? How was I supposed to take a picture with you? Oh, we go in front of a mirror. Love it.

You are the smartest. You figured out the riddle. I am such a fan droid of yours.

Well, uh, JBC and I are so happy to meet you. Thank you so much.

I'm so happy to meet just you. Hey, uh, before you, before you go fan droid, I have a couple of, you know, You sure you don't know me? jpsofly on Twitter.

I mean, I guess I know you. I just have nothing to say to you. Okay. Well, maybe let me see. Are you going to read me some of your tweets? Are you Googling yourself? You're going to read me. What was the tweet? I did read one about you eating a cookie out of the garbage. You are Indiana trash. Goodbye. Okay, oh, actually those tweets were really good and I retweeted them several years later and they got more... It's too late, he is gone. This is Puzzbot, just so you know, I know people say robots sound alike, but this is Puzzbot. Fandroid's fucking broken, by the way, my dude. That robot fucking sucks. He passed his physical this morning.

Yeah, I'll pass a physical.

That's not a threat. I bet that's the end of the robots, right? I'm flustered. Puzzbot? No, there are more robots. Here is the next one. This is Gazebo Malarkey.

Uh-oh, sort of scared.

We let Fandroid name that one. Hello, my name is Gazebo Malarkey and I am a Southern Robot.

Okay.

I run purely on Ozt and Manos. Oh, I love iced tea. He just celebrated it. No. Iced tea at John Mayer. No, mayonnaise. I'm a Southern robot. Mayonnaise. My name is Gazebo Malaki.

You run on mayonnaise?

I run on mayonnaise.

Gazebo, can I ask you a question? Of course. What are the chances that Bobby Boucher shows up at halftime?

No, Adal said you tried to do this. Uh-huh. Adal programmed me to recognize you tried to turn me into Gambit for Bobby Boucher.

So you're a robot and you run on Mayors.

A robot.

A robot who runs on mayors.

A robot.

A robot.

Aerobics. Aerobics?

Aerobics that runs on mayonnaise.

I'm a robot who teaches aerobics. So we can dump mayonnaise into you.

I think we've done this one.

What are you built for? What is your purpose? I'm built for declaring.

Don't ask me that.

I do declare. Oh, you're a declarative, aerobic?

You're a declare. You're a declare made of mayonnaise.

I would totally fucking eat noclare made of mayonnaise.

I'd fuck it and then eat and declare.

I like that robot's bandaid on his face. We have one more robot for you to meet. Oh, we're good. I think we're good. Which one's this one?

This is Lieborg. This is Lieborg. This is Lieborg.

Hello, I am Lieborg.

Are you horny?

What's going on? I'm horny for the truth. Okay. I am Lieborg. I am Cyborg designed only to lie.

All right. Well, it's Lieborg.

No, I'm only to tell the truth.

Okay. Okay.

Liveorg almost caught himself.

Liveorg almost ruined his whole premise. Can I? Yes, yes. Take it from the top, Liveorg.

Oh my gosh.

Erin, can I just say, I am such a fan.

I am such a fan.

You're so gracious. This sucks. It sucks for you to hear. Wait, Liveorg, do you know who I am?

You are so graceful, huh? Do you know who I am?

The guy who's about to take Erin and I's picture.

Wait, he's a LieBorg and he still means to me? Does that mean he does know who I am?

I don't know. LieBorg, LieBorg, what do you think of JPC?

LieBorg's internal logic is struggling right now.

Searching JPC, nothing.

Well, he's not wrong.

No, I mean I found no weapons. I searched him.

Okay, these guns could kill.

Searching database for JPC, contestant on a 2004 episode of Room Raiders.

Is that true? First of all, I wasn't a contestant. I was just a rubriator.

Blacklight discovered.

Laura Croft's rubriator.

So nice to meet you.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss Puzzbot. Yeah, Lieborg.

I am here. Puzzbot is here. Fuck off, Lieborg. Get out of here. Can I tell you that the four of us are starting a podcast as well? I hope there is no hard feelings.

All those robots?

Yes. You guys have a malarkey. Lieborg. The other one is me.

Fandroid.

Fandroid. We're starting our own podcast. What's it going to be about? It's called Hello Puzzle Puzzles. It's what?

Hello from the Magic Puzzle?

No. Is it a Hello from Magic Tavern club? No.

No. Okay. He's going to be playing a chunt.

Yeah. Erin and I are starting our own podcast too. I'm going to be playing Cut the Badger and she's going to be playing...

Here's the thing.

I would never have two podcasts. You know why? Why? Because then someone will always come up to you and go, I listened to your new podcast. It's not as good as the other one. Have they said that? Both ways they have.

What's their fucking number?

Number one, probably. These guys sound like winners, real champions. Are we ready to get into the game? Yes. Did I tell you the rules? No. Are we sure? Well, you could always say them again.

Say them again, Puzzbot.

We chronically do not listen, Puzzbot.

Ready? Say it again, Puzzbot.

Thank you. Here are the rules. I'm going to say Riddle or Puzzle. If you know the answer, you have to Puzzbot in and say the answer. The quickest answer with the right answer is the best answer. Win some cryptocurrency and get some of my tasty, tasty Bitcoin.

All right, Puzzbot, let's do this.

Also, at some point I may have you do scenes. Puzzbot, you just had some pretty Joe Biden energy there with that. You pulled it off.

I was trying to put my finger on it.

Puzzbot has a Joe Biden energy. In 1972 in Pennsylvania, I was walking down the street and saw a dog. It was a good boy. I petted it. You bet, Jack. Yes, it was a Jack Russell Terrier. How did you know? Also, I may have you rap for Puzzy. That means you have to do a rap or rhyme.

Do we have to do it like a robot?

Or is that racist? You must do it like a robot, otherwise if it's not like a robot, it's racist.

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it.

Is that a thing? Sure. And I may have you do scenes and whoever plays the most believable human wins the scene.

Got it.

Any questions? Yeah, Puzzbot, just real quick, what are the top three attributes that it takes to be a believable human, in your opinion? Yes, of course. Keep in mind you are built by Adal, so it's probably like ability to do a pun, ability to scowl. I don't have a big pun.

You know that. Gotcha. It is pun, scowl, I got nothing. Pun-scow-bail. Pun-scow-bail. That's my t-shirt. Read my t-shirt. Pun-scow-bail.

Pun-scow-bail. I wonder what your three words would be.

Oh man, let's do this. Let's play this game.

Sabotage, sabotage. Cousin horse.

I'm telling all of you, Punskull Sabotage.

Erin says spooky sleepy witch. That tracks. I also have learned what makes a credible human is a hat slightly tilted to the side and the bottom half not being a robot horse.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm

Okay, here are some questions. All the answers contain double Z's, much like Puzzbot. Here's a gimme. This is not going to count, but just an example. Sure. Another name for a jigsaw. Puzzbot. Yes. A puzzle. That is a puzzle. Thank you for cooperating. Jesus, am I under arrest? No Bitcoin. Up against the wall. In celebration. Okay. I was going to say, now you have some Bloomberg energy coming up. I'm going to have to take you in to the winner's circle. What about this? A common word for a scavenger bird. Puzzbot. Yes. Buzzard. That is a buzzard. How about to steal money Puzzbot. In bezel. That is in bezel, Erin. Wow, you are getting fucking owned.

I love Puzzbot. Hey Puzzbot, if at any time, at any time can we ask you to bring back some of the other robots? Yes, of course. Okay, cool. I don't need it now, but I'd love to hear from Bobby Boucher. You mean Gazebo Malarkey? Yes, Gazebo Malarkey.

But not now, not now. Not Android coming back. Go ahead.

Okay, here we go. Two wolf down a beverage. Two wolf down a beverage. Puzbot. Yes, Erin. Gazel. That would be Gazel. How about the lowest balcony of a theater? Puzbot. Yes.

Mezzanine. That is Mezzanine.

Mezzanine.

Mezzanine, which is also my favorite character from Les Mis.

Adal Riddle says, hi society. Mezzanine.

I get that reference. Yeah.

Do you, Puzzbot? Oh, Puzzbot, you know what name it is? Sing somebody a mistress, Puzzbot.

Do you hear the people cry? No. Nope. Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of endless cries? Nope. Master of the house. There you go, Puzzbot. Lead into that.

You got it, Puzzbot.

Thank you.

Keep going, Puzzbot.

Oh, I am crying. Oil is coming from my dust.

Let's sing a little fall of rain.

A little fall of rain, and a one, and a two, and a little fall of rain.

Don't you fret, Monsieur Puzzbot. I don't feel any pain.

No. A little fall of your gasoline. It's like Gaston. No one sleeps like Gaston.

It hardly hurt me now.

Okay, here we go. Next one. How about another name for shutter bugs? Shutterbugs. Another name for shutterbugs.

Photo camera.

Please forgive me if I have mangled your human words.

Photo camera.

Wait, let me rephrase it for you. Sure. 0-1-1, 1-1-0, 0-1-1-1.

No, that doesn't help. Shutterbugs.

I feel like that's right. It's obvious.

Shutterbugs are people who pursue celebrities.

Puzzbot.

Puzzbot, yes.

Paparazzi.

That would be paparazzi. I want to see a scene. This is a scene where Erin is going to be Lady Gaga. JPC, you are going to be Mr. Gaga. What's another word for lady? Bradley Cooper. You're going to be Lord Gaga, Lord and Lady Gaga. La Gaga, you are trying to create your new hit song, Piggybacking off of your Oscar. Remember to play the most believable human and go.

I'm just, I'm just locking into my voice. All right, what ideas do you have for songs?

I'm sorry, I thought I was having a stroke just now. Oh boy, oh boy. So, songs.

Contacting the police.

Oh, I got a cut on my hand.

Contacting emergency 911. Stroke, victim.

No, no, no. Oh, pass, pass, pass.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to call you. We were doing a collaboration with the strokes. My wife was doing a collaboration with the Strokes. Goodbye. I don't know why I called the police just now. You were saying? No. The police are here. Stuart Copland?

Stuart Copland? Is that you? Same. It was so fun to play with you all. Did you notice how I called for a scene and then shoehorned my way into it? Just like Adal would have wanted. It was seamless.

Just like Adal would have wanted.

We hardly noticed. We hardly noticed. It was seamless.

It showed up and it delivered food.

It was doordash. How about the thick part of a bird's stomach? Puzzbot. The pees-ness. Searching.

The vagina-pees-ness. Not found.

Did you say the thick part of a bird's stomach? That is what I said. Puzzbot. Thor's axe. No.

Puzzbot, I don't know. I'm sorry.

The thick part of a guzzard. Gizzard. Gizzard.

Gizzard.

Puzzbart. Gizzard.

Puzzbart. Puzzbart. Puzzbart.

Don't have a cow man.

Puzzbart. All cop.

Eat my shorts.

Plop plop plop plop.

Plop plop pay relationship. Puzzbart. That was a great one. You said gizzard and then gizzard.

Yes, thank you.

I'm surprised you did not say gizzard.

Aw, man. Aw. Well, that one's off the board now.

Okay, now is a time to rap for Puzzy.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Starting with J.P.C., I went to hear a rap about birds. Okay. Remember, it must be as a robot.

Avian, Avian, what time is it 8 p.m.? If it's time to go to the club, I will fly there with a buzzard.

That's my rat. Great warm up. Now get into it. And I decided to give you each robot names to welcome you into the family. You're going to be Puzzbot, a robot who's everyone's cousin.

What am I, Puzzbot?

You are Lovebot.

Got it.

Puzzbot here, and it's time to fly. If you like birds, then you like eye. I am one with feathers and wings. Paul McCartney, enjoy heavy sigs. If you like what Puzzbot slings, then you'll like the band Wings. It's got Paul McCartney in it. I like him. Wow. Really doubled down on Paul McCartney.

We all should be doubling down on Paul McCartney.

Yeah, I got really too focused on Paul McCartney. It happens sometimes when I rap. Okay. It's your game to steal here, Erin.

Erin, do you like Lovebot?

I do like Lovebot.

Great. Here you go. Lovebot, please rap for Puzzy. Topic of birds.

Birds? My favorite bird likes to eat. He lives on Sesame Street. Stop.

Stop. Stop the competition. Stop. Stop it. Stop.

Everyone stop. Everyone's buttholes get so tight when I start to rap and everyone dives under the table. I'm not rapping.

I was calling it off to say that you have one. That was amazing.

That was really good.

Erin, you are amazing. Love bot, love bot, love bot.

Why does everyone dive under the table every day?

Because it just so happens when you start to rap, there are bomb warnings.

Yeah, it's more of an inconvenient time that you're rapping than anything else.

Guys, I try.

Puzzbot, we got to get more. What else you got?

There's something in your world, I guess it's just my world.

Yeah, we did have it the same world.

Yes, there's something that I have learned about but know too much about called pal. Pals who are drones. Pals who are drones. It's a type of wordplay or a type of word. It is uncommon. Oh, pal and drones. Yes, pals who are drones.

No.

Some of these questions here, well, all of them will have answers that are pals who are drones. Okay. Okay, Puzzbot. Here we go. A quick glance or a chick's chirp. A quick glance or a chick's chirp? Did you forget my name? It is Puzzbot. We know what your name is Puzzbot. What is a quick glance? Either a quick glance or a chick's chirp. I believe this is... Oh, oh, oh.

Puzzbot.

Peep. That can say peep.

Yeah. A wonderful word.

Hey Puzzbot, that's also a candy that no one likes.

Well, we could hardly call it a candy.

Yeah, that's just a quick little human bit of trivia for you.

Peep is less candy and more seasonal poison.

Other examples of seasonal poison, Puzzbot, are candy corn and love.

Interesting that you didn't get the answer, yet you're trying to educate me.

He's Puzzbot? No, I'm like the condescending man.

I'm not the man.

I know, but Puzzbot just like this is another quick lesson.

We would love to see Bobby Boucher bot again because he is at least a Southern gentleman Puzzbot.

No, his name is Gazebo Malarkey. I stand by that name. I'll never remember that gambit bot. Next question, a short, sharp sound from a car horn or trumpet. A short, sharp sound from a car horn or a trumpet. From a car horn or trumpet? Puzzbot? Is it a beep? It is not a beep. Hold on. That is a... Oh, this hurts to say because of Adal's condition. That is a Adal is dead stop. Oh no. Spell beep backwards for me, tough guy. Beep backwards? Yes. P-E-E-B? Jesus, that taxing, huh? Can you say it again? Do you notice how the beginning and ending letters are different? Those are not ballad drums. Puzzbot, can you read that again? I would love to. A short, sharp sound from a car horn or a trumpet. Puzzbot. Nope. Hulk.

Puzzbot, I don't know, I'm sorry.

From a trumpet? This is also something I've heard you call a fart. A brat? A zack brat.

I don't even know. It's something you call a f- Oh, a puzzbot.

Toot. It is a toot. Ding ding ding ding ding.

No, that's a ding. I want to see a scene. Was it you trying to do a toot? This thing's fucking broken.

What am I saying? Ding, ding, ding, ding. That would be like starting a boxing match? Oh, I don't want to fight.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're obviously not built by Adal because that's all that guy wanted to do is get in fights. No, no.

He's always like, I love getting in fights. Well, his daddy can't defend himself.

Shutting down, famously.

Oh, that is an Adal bot. Puzzbot. Come on back.

This is cart blog sensitive overload.

Upstarting. I want to see a scene based on Toot, which was the answer for a car horn. You two are a couple in a car in bad traffic and one of you starts to get road rage. Begin scene.

Oh my god, fucking move! Yaka! Out of the way!

Baby, wait, stop. Come on.

God, is that a fucking school bus?

Calm down, okay? I'm hitting them. Yes, it's a school bus.

I'm gonna hit them.

Look, would it help if I gave you road rage?

Honey.

I could help you out. I could give you some road rage.

Okay, that might take several minutes though, okay?

No, not the way I do it.

Okay, no, we'll see. All right. I mostly fake it when you give me road rage, so good luck!

First of all, when I give you road rage, when I'm doing it right, when I'm actually paying attention and doing it right.

So you're telling me you're being lazy with your road rage? You're doing it wrong in purpose so I don't ask you to do it?

Sometimes I know that you're in a mood where you're not going to be receptive to my road rage.

Oh, it's me. You're putting on me. Thank you so much. I'm just saying. Oh my god, I'm going to hit this bus. Look, am I sexually frustrated?

You don't bring your A-game to the preseason. Everybody knows that, okay? What does that mean? I'm not starting, I'm not playing my starters when there's no championship on the line. Your status?

When there's no championship on the line.

My road rage.

Just because there's nothing in it for you? I'm saying that I'm trying to get you there. Oh God. No, you're not. No, you're not. Do you feel rage right now?

No.

Ooh. Okay. Challenge accepted. Scene, end of scene. Two perfectly played humans. Can I ask you something? Yes. Was that a thinly veiled euphemism? No. Was it for oral sex?

Oh, yes.

Definitely, yes. Can I ask you, Riddle, this is not part of the game show? Sure, Puzzbot. No, never mind. This is embarrassing.

No, Puzzbot, tell us. If it's not part of the game show, though, we're not legally bound to any of your rules anymore, correct?

You were never legally bound. Good. You were legally blonde.

I was whole board bound. What can we help you with?

This is the greatest riddle of all. For me, a robot. What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. It's seasonal poison.

First and foremost. The second thing it is is my first name when I'm a robot. The third thing it is is the first the name of the first song in Parent Trap.

Wow, writing down all of these definitions. Go ahead and clear your hard drive after this, Puzzbot. No, I'm never in front of two people. I only clear my hard drive when I'm home alone.

Puzzbot, the fourth thing it is, is someone that Erin said to her boyfriend long before he said it to her by accident when she was getting out of the car and then they never acknowledged. She said, love you! He shut the door and they didn't talk about it until they actually said I love you formally and then he said remember when you said I love you by accident twice?

Four months later? Yep. You could always just play it off Puzzbot by just saying, no I said elephant glue.

Let's take a break.

Hey Erin, Adal, guess what?

What?

I'm losing my hair. Now I'm using Keeps. Do you guys know that two out of three guys will experience some form of male pattern baldness by the time they're 35? And I'm, what, 20 years away from that? I'm lucky to have avoided that. I have female pattern baldness. With today's advancements in science, Keeps offers proven treatments that can combat the symptoms of hair loss and help you keep the hair you have at half the cost of your local pharmacy. And I go into that local pharmacy and they're always up-charging me. You want more cigarettes? Do you want to buy more cigarettes? Show me an ID. Oh boy, that pharmacy.

Stop taking all of our Cheez-Its. You're buying us out of all of our Cheez-Its.

And you don't have to go broke to avoid going bald. Keeps offers generic versions of the only two FDA approved hair loss products out there. Some of you have tried them before, but you probably didn't use them right, and never at this price. Huh, so we're just gonna let that Cheez-Its thing go? Okay, fine. For a while I was telling you I was dyeing my hair orange, I was just taking cheese and crushing them into my hair and helping cover up my baldness.

Can you repeat after me guys? Prevention is key.

And Keif's treatments really work. They're up to 90% effective at reducing and stopping further hair loss. The sooner you start using Keif's, the more hair you'll save. So act fast.

Many men even experience hair regrowth with Keif's treatments. Can I tell you something? A little bird told me, and this is a bird with all its feathers, that Keif's has more five-star reviews than any of its competitors and nearly 100,000 men trust Keif's for their hair loss prevention medication. Okay.

Well, if you've heard enough, then I got something for you. You gotta take action now, you gotta prevent that hair loss, and you gotta go to keeps.com slash riddle to receive your first month of treatment faux-free. That's K-E-E-P-S dot com slash riddle R-I-D-D-L-E. You gotta go to that website, baby.

Go. Say it again. No. Come on.

Fine. Keeps.com slash riddle. Hair today, hair tomorrow.

Hair hair. Hair hair.

Hey everyone it's your little boy JPC and I know I sound really weird right now because I have stolen my stepdad Adal's phone and I am hiding in his closet. I'm hiding in his closet because I need to use his phone because his phone has all the good apps. He doesn't let me have any good apps on my phone. And if I don't learn how to play Sudoku on his phone, he will beat me at Sudoku every time that we play. And I just can't have that anymore. He's currently sniffing all around the house trying to find his phone by scent because he says that he keeps it in a lemon jar, which makes it smell better. I don't know. But real quick, I just want to do a quick review of some of the best apps that I found on Adal's phone. Let's see here, okay. Oh, what about this one? This is a cool app. This is an app called Blinkus. Now, how Blinkus works is it's really actually unique. It works on your phone, your tablet, your web browser, and it takes the best key takeaways that need no information from thousands of nonfiction books and condenses them down into just 15 minutes that you can read or listen to. I love it because usually it takes my stepdad Adal like 15 minutes to find me hiding in the closet with his phone and I can get a whole book's worth of information in and the time it takes him to track me down. Successful people, business leaders, podcast celebrities, they're well known for reading a lot of books. Adal claims to read a million books a day, seems high. But Blinkus is made for busy people like us who want the main points of a book quickly so we can start using that information right away. And with its audio feature, Blinkus makes it easy to finish a book during your commute, on your lunch break, or hiding in the closet for 15 minutes, or your stepdad Adal sniffs all around the house. And 12 million people are using Blinkist right now. Maybe they're hiding from their stepdad. Maybe they're just a busy business person who is commuting. I don't know any other types of person. I only know my type of person because my stepdad Adal gets very upset when I try to learn about the outside world. And that's why I love using Blinkist because in less than 15 minutes I can fast-track my path to a more intelligent and formed healthy me, which is something that my Stepdad Adal absolutely does not want me to do. Some popular books that you can find on Blinkist. The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. I work all day every day because that's what my Stepdad Adal demands. Becoming by Michelle Obama. That would be fun. I would love to become Michelle Obama. Because then I feel like I would have the power and gravitas to stand up to my stepdad Adal. Well, if you want to start using Blinkist and you want to take Adal's phone, you can get unlimited access to read or listen to a massive library of condensed nonfiction books. All books you want and all for one low price. Right now, for a limited time, Blinkist has a special offer just for audience of Hey Riddle Riddle. Go to blinkist.com slash Hey Riddle. Try it free for seven days and save 25% off your new subscription. That's Blinkist, spelled B-L-I-N-K-I-S-T. Adal doesn't know that I can spell, but I did learn how to spell. Blinkist.com slash Hey Riddle H-E-Y-R-I-D-D-L-E to start your free seven day trial. And you'll also save 25% off, but only when you sign up at Blinkist.com slash Hey Riddle. Oh, I can hear his nose really working. He's sniffing on the closet. Um, he... Are those lemons I smell? Oh, no. Oh, no. He's coming. Okay. I gotta go. Bye. Bye. Bye. Some sort of joke. We are back. Oh, Puzzbot. I told you to do some sort of joke, but the delivery was all wrong.

It's not delivery. It's a robot. Yes, Puzzbot. Yes. You're back in the game. You're back in the game. I'm not in the game. I'm hosting the game. Oh, Puzzbot.

Oh, Puzzbot. Oh, Puzzbot. I would have dated you 10 years ago. I just would have, Puzzbot. You were my type back then.

Oh, don't say that in front of Fandroid.

Why?

Because Fandroid is obsessed.

Oh, that's stupid.

Call him Calvin Klein because he's obsession.

So I'm not really obsessed.

I'd still date you, Fandroid. Do you care? Do you care? Hmm, great. Well, what Fandroid has said about you is, call you Ralph Lauren because you have polio. I don't want to hear it.

Okay, okay, okay, Fandroid. Okay, Fandroid. Good job, Fandroid.

You just missed out on the best road rage you ever would have had.

This is Puzzbot talking. Do you want to talk to him? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No talking to Fandroid. If anything, we'll get Gambitbot back in here. No, no. Get some Bayou Chicken Crabs. Gozebo Malarkey. Say his name. Bayou Chicken Crabs.

No, no. You're going to buy me chicken. I had that STD once.

I went to New Orleans and got Bayou Chicken Crabs. Yes, I'm sorry. Puzzbot. What's the next round?

Let's get back into the pals who are drones. How about a small child Uh, just, that's it?

A small child?

That's more than enough. Especially based off the last answer before the break. Puzzbot. Yes. LOL. Look how small.

No. Puzzbot.

Robots do not assume children, yes. Tot. That is a tot.

Damn.

Tater tots.

Aren't they supposed to be like a small child and a way to prepare potatoes? Aren't they supposed to be like two things that we- Nothing's supposed to be nothing.

Jeez, you're like a nihilist, Puzzbot. Searching nihilist, found big Lebowski reference. You can't remember too much. Very good, very good. Here we go, another Pals Who Are Drones.

We believe in nothing, Lebowski.

Iranian rulers before the Islamic Revolution. Bump, set, spike. Easy peasy. Reese's Peasies. Iranian rulers before the Islamic Revolution. Oh boy, oh boy. And remember what the category is or rule for the answers.

Yeah, they're pallet drums. It's spelled the same way.

Well, I'm just saying it because someone said beep earlier.

He panicked, Puzzbot. Sometimes people panic.

I have a panic button. Do you want to press it? Uh, why is it, why is it there? Haven't you ever heard of closing a goddamn door, yeah?

Oh god, it's a panic at the disco button.

Wait, what's this, what's this Imagine Dragons button? Hold on, hold on. I'm waking up. I am a robot. Yeah. Welcome to the Puzzbot. To the Puzzbot. Got exactly what I wanted for that.

First things puzz, I'm there in a puzzle with the bat.

Oh my God. Iranian rulers before the Islamic revolution. Sure. Of course we know this. It was before the Islamic revolution. Easy peasy racy species.

Puzzbot, we don't know. Can you tell us?

Can you give us a hint, Puzzbot? Do you want a hint or do you want me to tell us? A hint. Okay.

Can you give us a hint? Do you have a hint?

Yes. Okay. The hint is it begins with what a librarian would say. It begins with what a librarian would say. From there, you should know at least four of the fucking letters. Because it is a pal who is a drone.

Puzzbot? Yes. Oh, no. Come on.

Bark, bark, woah. Wait. Come on. Wait. Is it a shaw? Ding, ding, ding, but you did not... Puzzbot... shaw? It is a shaw. How do you spell shaw? S-H-A-H-S.

Really?

Plural shaw. Seriously?

Oh shaw, it's shaw's. I was like what? Okay got it got it got it. Rulers, rulers.

Here we go. A technology that uses electromagnetic waves to detect objects. A lot of detector. I have nimbles, fucker. Can you milk me? Shutting down.

I do not blame you.

Sure.

Way ahead of you.

So what is it? It's a... reboot. I would like to see a reboot. Oh yeah?

Call your shot, Puzzbot. What do you want to see? A Beetlejuice. Who do you think? Who do you think plays Beetlejuice?

Who to play Beetlejuice? Val Kilmer. I think Val Kilmer.

Michael Keaton.

Michael Creighton. It's Jurassic Park, Dad. Technology using electromagnetic waves to detect objects. This is also a character in MASH.

Ooh, Puzzbot.

Radar. Nope. Alan Alda. Saying forward as it is backwards. Joking, joke, jokes. Haha, it is radar. Puzzbot, do you want to meet Alan Alda?

Yes. And who fucking does it? Oh my gosh. I'd love to go on his bike.

I would love to meet Alan Alda in rap form. Rap for Puzzy. Topic, Alan Alda.

Can Alan Alda have a topic that's not Alan Alda to rap about? What did I say? Fine. Alan Alda is the topic.

Thank you, Puzzbot.

Puzzbot here, and I'm here to say Alan Alda is one of the greats. He's an actor and American treasure. He will bring you television pleasure. If you watch him on the show MASH, you will get a big slice of ass. You'll look at him and start to thirst as you quench yourself with force.

Slant rhyme alert. Slant rhyme alert.

That's all I know how to do, Puzzbot. Slant rhyme alert.

Yes, I have a slash line.

I'm making citrus drinks.

I'm making Moscow mules. Do you want one? This feels like an imperfect produce thing with slant lives. Lovebot, please rap for Puzzy. Topic is drinks you would order at a bar.

Oh my God. When making a drink, never use peach. Just make me a sex on the beach. I want a cosmopolitan. I did that sort of as a joke. If you want one, just tell me when. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Do not stop me. Don't stop me, don't stop me. When you walk in, everyone will cheer. Come on over, I'll give you a beer. Nobody stop me, nobody stop me. You'll have a drink and you'll say yum. That's because it will include rum. You're doing this to yourself.

It's painful.

Ask me if I can make it wider. I'll give you a tasty cider.

Oh my gosh, she's doing it. Fandroid is freaking out. Erin is tops.

Fandroid, were you here for my rap? Huh? Goddammit. Out, Fandroid.

Out. One more drink, you'll really shine. Come on over, I'll pour some wine. Fuck off.

I think that you can do a character, which is the rapper who's gradually losing confidence, which is just you doing one line of the going, don't stop me, nobody stop me, nobody take the mic, nobody take the mic. His palms are sweaty, mom's, hold on, no one stop me. 50, uh, Bentley, nobody stop me, nobody stop me.

No, I got it. Shut up, shut up, guys, shut up. You're being too loud.

That is your rap catchphrase. Nobody stop me. Nobody stop me. You can find me in the club. Find me, make it love. Nobody stop me. Nobody stop me.

I forgot to mention coming back from break as a bad host does, I forgot to mention we are playing currency, currency, currency, aggregated data, income for those who correctly process, Puzzbot.0097 Bitcoin giveaway Based on the manual for Puzzbot a robot who is designed to do two things, feel pain and solve riddles, your parents, siblings adapt to cryptocurrency as per the modern times.

currency currency currency, aggregated data, income for those who correct the process. $1.0097 bits on giveaway.

$1.0097 bits on giveaway.

Based on the manual for passagrobus, who was designed to do things, deal payments, how it'll steal events, sit-in-a-paths, and quit the currency after the modern time.

It's too slow. It's just too slow. Passbot. Faster.

I'm doing my fucking best here, Riddle. Adal wants a drink. I'd like to see you try this asshole.

Uncle Adal Rifai. That's the old one.

That's the old one? We won't do that one then. Adal is dead long live Adal. I would like to usher us into a new segment. Is this appropriate? Are you going to usher us in? You make me want to leave the one I'm with. Start a new relationship. Don't take my mic. Nobody stop me. Nobody stop me. I would like the two of you to help me and the other robots with our podcast. But there's a problem. There's a problem. The problem is we only have answers and no riddles. We need you two as humans to help us reverse engineer Riddles.

It sounds like what people have been begging for us to do over email and tweets.

Puzzbot, you're a genius.

Puzzbot is a genius.

Oh, okay. You want, you basically, you want help building Riddles for your podcast. That is correct. I mean, we've done proctically 50 episodes of this, so we could definitely do that.

Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. Here we can start. I'll give you an example of an answer I have and I need a Riddle for. Gotcha.

Okay.

Here is the answer. The doctor was the mother. Okay.

Okay. And we are making up a new?

Correct. We're making up a Riddle and the answer is the doctor was the mother. Okay.

All right. Let's see.

You're not saying don't stop you, should I stop you? I'm just giving Erin space.

Jesus goes to the hospital.

This sounds like a story.

Some riddles are stories.

The greatest riddles are best stories.

So Jesus goes to the hospital.

What's wrong with him?

Puzzbot. Puzzbot, he can't crucify.

Give her some fucking space, Buzzbot. That's treatable. Buzzbot.

Come on, be a little second. No! No! Buzzbot, no! I'm spraying Buzzbot. Buzzbot, no! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot!

Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot! Buzzbot

Oh no, I see that you have sprayed water on Puzzbot. Yeah, we sprayed water on him.

Previous Riddle Giver, out of commission, assigning new Riddle Giver. Upgrading systems.

Welcome. It's me. We sprayed water on him.

Yes. No, no, not a water boy. You got a water boy?

Let's say water one more time.

Water.

There we go.

My name is Gazebo Malaki. I'm a Southern robot. Sure. Of course, my top half is a distinguished gentleman in a three-piece suit. My bottom half is a robotic horse. Yep. We get you. We do what you want.

I would have dated you 10 years ago.

Can I give you another, can I see a scene actually? Sure. Aaron, are you uncomfortable doing a scene where Jesus goes to the ER about... Yeah, I think maybe we should skip this one. Let's move on from there. Do you have a riddle for the answer or should I give you another?

No, this is fun.

Here we go. Please don't squirt me with water.

We won't, we won't. Okay.

You had it with Jesus Goes to the Hospital.

Jesus goes to the hospital and they are... I don't know. JBZ, you have to help.

Jesus goes to the hospital and Jesus says, my back is killing me. I... Oh no, I got it.

I got it. Start over. Start from scratch.

Start from scratch. Wait, you have it. Don't tell him to start from scratch. I'm just the one who's scratching it off.

No, I got it. I got it. There's a man. And he's walking on the sidewalk.

Hold on. I'm so sorry. As a Southern robot, there's something on program that I must say. Can you say the first thing you said?

Walking on a sidewalk?

No, there is a man.

There's a man.

A certain man. Sorry.

I must say that. There's a man and he's walking down the sidewalk and he is not watching where he's walking and he goes into the hospital and the hospital, the ER, oh he trips and he falls and he sprains his ankle so he goes to the hospital and everyone in the hospital is like, sorry, the one doctor that's here today can't see you, she just broke her back. Why?

The doctor was the mother.

Yeah, and he stepped on a crack on the sidewalk and broke his mother's back.

And broke his mother's back.

This is more than acceptable for a riddle. Thank you. We shall use this on our new podcast.

Okay, but we want a writing credit. And I definitely want one because I help so good.

What's your next answer?

I should say we already have a network that our podcast is on. Oh yeah? It's called Brain Mint. I like it. The next answer that we need Riddle for is, she stood on a block of ice.

Okay. JBC, how about you?

Okay, great. So, she stood on a block of ice. A woman was Watching television in the late 90s when she came upon a music video of someone doing the ninja rap, go ninja go ninja go, and she turned off the station. Why? She stood on a block of ice. Yes, it was a block of

Vanilla Ice doing music videos.

I helped so good.

We will move on from there. If you don't hear that in our first episode, know that it's just because... That's a third episode. That's a third or fourth episode. Here is the next answer that we have for Riddle. Both of them were goldfish.

Okay, both of them were goldfish.

Okay, two kids at a lunch table are eating cheese that's really fast and they're like, why is the shape so different?

Both of them are goldfish. I've got another one, an alt for that. No need. Two fish were caught in a net and they died because there was no water around.

Explain.

Both of them are goldfish.

Nobody's jogs are bigger than Annette's.

You're an Adal creation, aren't you? No, they were gold fish.

Yeah.

Acceptable. Thank you. Now let's move away from ones where you might have heard the answer. Okay. We'll get into some more original ones.

Oh, good.

We love original. The answer to this Riddle is a cracked egg. A cracked egg?

Okay, okay. Uh, God, why was Humpty Dumpty fucking high all the time? How far up do the parents put on the egg? God, yeah, because he was a- A cracked egg.

He was a cracked egg. Let's see. Apologies, I thought you two were Riddle masters.

Well, you're giving us 25 seconds.

It turns out what we are, like we are like bad joke masters coming up with bad jokes. I'll take my asking for free labor elsewhere.

No, no, no, no, no, please, please.

Wait, okay, so a cracked egg. Okay.

Can I get either of you some lemonade?

This is really hard. This is why we haven't done this before.

It's a lot of silence. Let's think about backwards. If I found a cracked egg in my egg carton, I wouldn't buy those eggs, right? If the answer is a cracked egg, it could be something like, well, all I can think of is like joke purposes like, okay, what about the famous phrase, you want to make an omelet?

You got to crack some eggs. Well, it's like, what ingredient is more useful when it's broken?

Okay, yes, that's great, that's great.

What ingredient is more useful when it's broken? A cracked egg. A promise.

A promise. Silence.

Silence. Well, you changed the answer, which is not the premise.

You were doing a joke, Puzzbot.

Yeah, Puzzbot. That is a wonderful reason. These are fucking hard, Puzzbot. Well, mama's it, mama's it. No, no, that's right. You're not Puzzbot, you're Bobby Busheibot. No, I'm Gazebo, Milwaukee. Let's go to the next one. Okay. The answer we have that we need a riddle for is a high five. A high five.

High five. What? Okay, okay. In LA, it's a two. In Chicago, it's a seven. In New York, it's a?

High five. Great. Let's sweep that one under the rug. Because company's coming over. I still think I made it. That was a good answer. I'm a Southern robot, but I don't just eat shit. Don't piss on me and tell me it's lemonade.

Five things met their five doppelgangers in celebration. What was it called?

Uh-huh, high five.

Yeah. When you, it's like, you're meeting someone else's hand, it's the finger, it's doppelgangers, and it sounds like it's a party.

What do you call it when Adam Levine is too inebriated to perform?

It's a high maroon five.

I'm a maroon five, high.

Fuck off. Puzzbot. Are we ready for the next answer? Yes, yes. We're always ready for the next answer, Puzzbot. The next answer is a dead penguin. A dead penguin.

What ruined the day at the aquarium?

Perfect, don't change a thing. Don't change a thing.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his twins corpse? I'm the Danny DeVito. I'm the Danny DeVito one.

I got it. I got it. What do a great day in Gotham City in a terrible day at the Aquarium have in common?

Oh, I like that one. I like that one. That was fantastic. A Deadpool. I need you both to rap for Gazebo. Oh boy. Okay. Who wants to start? I'll always start. I know who won't start. You know I'll always start a Bobby Boucher bot. Let's start over here with Puzzbot. Okay. Your topic is Batman.

It's dark, it's night in Gotham City. Everything has been real shitty. We have jokers in the streets. They are trying to make the... Keep going? They are trying to make the chaos envelop the city. What will happen? It will be shitty. A dark night, a caped crusader. He will come and see you later, Joker. Your ass is crass. Oh no, it's the Riddler passing here and there with all his riddles. I hope that he doesn't like Skittles. Who gave him that handy? It was the Penguin. The Penguin indeed. Okay, wow.

I would like to give you a score of 10 out of 9 to 7.

What's my topic?

Your topic. What would you like your topic to be?

Anything that's not Batman related because he burned through all of that.

Yeah, that's your topic.

I burned through everything. Anything not Batman related?

What do you think that some of Lovebot's favorite things are? Let's meet our contestants. Raindrops on kittens, in cases from dragons. Let's meet our contestants. Lovebot, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hi, I am Lovebot. I am programmed to love. Any kind of love. Platonic love. The first song in parent trap love. And the kind of love you say to your boyfriend by accident. Twice. Long before you say it formally to each other on New Year's Eve.

Let's have your topic be love.

Love?

Since you are an air spool.

I'm gonna show you through a dove. I have fallen in love. I will play my part and I will win over your little heart. Uh, everyone's being so polite. It's making me laugh. Uh, okay. Okay. Shit. Nobody's running. I got it. I got it. I got it. Um, I will take you for a dance. You won't believe this romance. Nobody shut up. Nobody should. This next part you will not want to miss. I'm gonna give you a little kiss. Sorry, I don't mean to bug with your consent. I'll take a hug.

Can I stop you?

Yes, you can stop me.

That was fantastic. That was great. Erin, I give you a two.

Out of 97. Now I know the scale is 97.

No, two out of two. Can we meet Puzzbot? We never got to hear a little bit about him and it's his program.

Hello, my name is Puzzbot. I am cousin to all. My dad was a mother and my mother was my father. And so I am my own cousin and my uncle is also my cousin because time travel had something to do with it. My uncle went back in time and fucked my dad.

Can you go over this again?

Yes. So let me draw it out for you. Here is my family tree. I was made by a crazy person. I was made by J.P.C. J.P.C. His father fucked a police horse. And that went back in time. And his mom kissed his... Okay. And that is why I am everyone's cousins. And so I am my own cousin and I'm also my own grandpa. Does that make sense? You can have this paper. No. I just drew all over this thing. Let's do one more reverse engineered riddle. Cozbot's great.

We love Cozbot. The answer we have, the last one we need a reverse engineered riddle for is answer here. It was seconds at a buffet. It was seconds at a buffet. It was seconds at a buffet. Watch yourself. Not a boucher, a buffet.

It was seconds at a buffet.

It was an all-country buffet. It was seconds at a buffet. Ooh, okay, okay. Oh boy. What do you call Phoebe's twin on friends?

Okay, okay, okay.

I'll give that a 97 out of non to sale.

A family paid $20 and got breakfast and lunch. How is that possible?

Seconds after buffet.

You're at Margaritaville.

I was going to say. A concert opens and closes with Margaritaville. Explained.

It was a profit.

Ah, second set of a fair.

Thank you both so much for your help. I do have to admit something to you both. It is what day today? Um... April Fools. Wow. It's the anniversary?

I'm sorry?

What? It's April Fools.

I was going to say it's the anniversary of April Fools.

Yeah. Wait a second.

I just looked at Casey like he was a part of the... I'm too good of an actor. I'm afraid that there's been... Look at Casey.

Casey doesn't want anything to do with this fucking shit.

I'm so embarrassed.

I'm playing to the room. Wait a second. It's April Fool's Day today? Yes. You there. Boy, what day is it today? It's like it's fucking... Go get me the fattened goose of the wizard.

It's like it's fucking dinner theater.

And I'm like, like, I'm like... The part where you knew Erin is like, it's dinner theater every day. You wanted to see me?

Uh, someone just grabbed me from the window and said, you wanted to see me.

Uh, yes. Uh, is this plop? Oh boy.

I really do have a dinner theater vibe, don't I?

Today is April Fools day?

What are you trying to say?

What are you trying to say? Say it bladily now. Or forever hold your peace. I have not been totally honest with you. There has been a trick pulled on you today. It's April Fools not Halloween. It's not trick or cheat. Yeah, what do you mean trick? Who are you, you scoundrel?

It's a seasonal poison.

Someone you think is dead is not dead. Princess Diana?

Jesus.

What's the guy from Jurassic Park that I said earlier? Michael Crichton. Michael Crichton.

Nope. It is. Crichton's dead? Puzzbot. Ow. You elbowed me in the circus. You smashed Puzzbot. You thought I was dead from water, but I am a life. April Fools. Adal is still dead. I can't stress that enough. Wait, Adal is really dead? Adal is dead. Oh no.

I thought this was a coping mechanism Adal used to tell us how he truly feels.

What do you think you threw in the ocean? Cookie crumbles? The little things at the bottom of Long John Silver's. Wait, you threw my cookie grumbles in the ocean?

What the fuck? I was going to eat those for breakfast.

No, those were ashes. Adal's ashes.

We took the money that we won for money, money, money, puzzy, puzzy, puzzies. It pays to be right. Adal's from Rifai. It's not this episode.

It's a different one.

It's a different one. But we took the money we won for the last of those, and we mixed it up, and we threw it in the ocean to be with Adal.

God, Adal's really gone. This is terrible news. I'm so sorry.

This is probably at the right time to ask this. Which one was Adal?

He was the one with the backwards hat, I think.

Oh, I thought that was JPC.

It doesn't matter. They're interchangeable. Completely interchangeable.

Well, this has been a delight.

Puzzbot, we're so sorry. We'd love to have you on the... Oh my gosh, it's happening. It's happening. It's happening. I am being... Oh my gosh. Hold on. I need to tell the other three robots. I can't do their podcast. One second. Oh my gosh, it's happening. I'm being asked to be on here Adal Riddle.

Oh boy, it wasn't where I was going. This is good.

Uh-oh, don't burn your bridges. Bad when he comes back. Oh, he just ruined all his friendships.

What I was gonna say is we'd love to have you get us some waters so we can do another episode. Oh, yeah. Similar.

No, robots do not.

Puzzbot? We actually have an April Fools for you. Okay. Erin and JPC, they're dead.

Zip. Don't take out your... It is me, Puzzbot.

Zap. It is me, Lovebot.

Zip. Zap. Oh shit, I fucked it up. Don't worry, don't worry.

Anything to plug.

We should plug ourselves in. Yes. To save energy. To save energy. I love Puzzbot and Lovebot.

Did anyone win this episode?

No. No.

But three people lost. Yes, the remaining listeners. This is the show now. It is Puzzbot, Lovebot, and Puzzbot. And we are going to do our own show now.

I know how this sounds, but follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram.

Wait, I'm so sorry. There's one final thing that will take us out. We have to rap for plugs. Oh, okay. So we are all going to rap our plugs.

What did I say? Sure. Go ahead. Why don't you start Puzzbot?

Well, it's Puzzbot here, and I'm your main man. There's something I would like for you to watch on the can. It's on a network, which I will say now. I don't have a show, but don't have a cow. If you go on and don't be a wuss, you should download an app Disney+. They have all the seasons of Simpsons, My Man. You can watch it. You'll be a big fan.

Puzzbot here, and I'd like to say, if you want to get online, Twitter is the way. My favorite follow, JPsofly, he tweets jokes occasional live.

Follow Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. I promise to only post pictures of Ham.

Nobody stop her.

Nobody stop her. I hope that this will bring you scupider. Uh oh. The end of the episode means to scupider. We were alive the whole time motherfuckers. This is JPZ.

I'm Erin Keif. And this is Puzzbot. Oh, Puzzbot. Bye forever.

Casey Toney could be editing. That was a hate gun podcast.