Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey Riddle, Riddle is adding more live shows. That's right. We're going to be in Chicago on May 23rd at Shubas. We have two shows, 7pm and 10pm. If you want to get tickets, go to headgum.com slash live. While you're there, why not buy tickets to our LA show? We sell some of those for sale and then just fly out to LA and see us there as well. You can get those tickets headgum.com slash live.

The doctor was the mother. Meow!

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, jpz, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

What if we just did a whole podcast and all we did was meow and occasionally said each other's names?

I think 5% of people would say it's their favorite episode ever. The other 95 would stop listening. How long would it take people to stop listening? Would they stop right away? No, no. It would be one of those things where at first it's funny, then it gets annoying, then it gets sad, then it gets funny again, then it gets real sad, then they get pissed, then it gets funny, and then they stop listening.

If it was a podcast that I was listening to, I would maybe give it 15 minutes of that. I listen to double speed though, so that's seven minutes of my time.

So half of 15 and seven? I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna fall into that trap. I don't know how to do the numbers part. Speaking of Captain Budget, you budgeted for yourself to go on a vacation recently.

Yeah, I just got back from a little lane I like to call Mexico.

I feel like everyone calls it that.

Can I say something?

I think all expenses paid is what they gave you on a game show. I think what you got was an all-inclusive demand. All-inclusive. All-inclusive, yeah.

All expenses paid was, I would win that.

I was like, well you paid for it. Yeah.

I had an all expenses trip, who paid for it? I did. It was all-inclusive, so you know, you pay and then that's it.

I wish my life was all expenses paid.

I don't. I don't drink and I don't eat meat. So I think a lot of the all-inclusive was like lost on someone like me. They were like, why are you even here? Like, what are you doing here? But it was fun. It was great.

So you paid $80 a meal and you're eating chips?

Hey everyone! Lobster, crawfish, and I was like, what do you think vegan is?

There's a new place that opened over by Gemini, and it's like a grill or diner. There's a vegan, there's a vegetarian menu, and one of the items on the vegetarian menu is chicken. Yeah. And Gemma was like, is this like fake chicken? They're like, no, it's chicken. They're like, why is it not vegetarian? They're like, because it's not meat. You idiot.

Uh, that's my joke is that I'm a vegetarian, I eat chicken, shrimp, beef, and fish.

And, um, speaking of eating meat, Erin, you just bought a dog.

Yeah, not to eat.

What? What?

Well, we'll see.

Yeah, you grow the dog and then you butcher it.

Yeah, I got a dog this week.

That's awesome.

It is so ridiculously cute.

I cannot wait for you to meet her. She's so cute.

Her name is Lou.

Her name is Lou. Her name is Louisa, but we call her Lou. And she only wears Lou Lou women. She's the best. We got her from the anti-cruelty society and she's really sweet.

They're the best. The cruelty society, awful. And also the antique cruelty society is a lot of great old dogs.

Well this is a crazy story about how I got my dog.

This is the story of a dog.

I've been looking at their website and everything in Chicago's website like every day because Shawn and I have been talking about getting a dog for a couple months and last Sunday I was on anti-cruelty website and this dog was new, popped up, got there yesterday. She was in the system yesterday and I sent Shawn a picture and then I put my snow boots on and I just started walking and I was like, why am I doing this? This dog is not the kind of dog I was looking for. And then I was walking through this now. Sean called me and was like, I know this is going to sound crazy, but we should go meet that dog. And I was like, I'm a block away.

Oh, wow.

But this is where it gets crazy, you guys. I walk in. She's walking out. She had just been adopted. No, by Shawn? No, by this woman who had a bad energy. And she's like taking the dog for a walk, and she had just done her like hour-long interview, been approved, and they were just waiting to hear back from her landlord. They called her landlord to be like, hey, just like we got a double check.

Yeah. And so... Sounds like Baba Yaga.

I came in and sat down.

Sounds like Baba Freak.

The most handsome man who works at the Anti-Crality Society. You have a beard, you know who you are. So handsome came up to me.

Okay, let's guess his name, Blake.

I don't remember his name.

Trent.

But he was like being sweet to me and was like, do you want to walk this other dog? And like gave me information, like told me everything and I waited for Sean and I was like, I don't even care about everything. Stupid dog. And I tried talking to that woman. I was like, oh, congratulations. You just stopped at this dog. And she had this like, don't look at her attitude. She's like, yeah, I adopted her.

So she blew a cigarette into Erin's face.

It was so rude. And then I John and I were getting ready to leave and then the guy came running out and was like, her landlord said no, probably because she had a terrible energy. And then we were hanging out with her and walking around with her and I was like, this is my job. They called ComEd and she had terrible energy.

ComEd is a provider of energy, not Chicago people.

Oh yeah, I forgot that that's Chicago.

To worship battle's joke, Commonwealth Edison isn't across the US. Really? Not in the Commonwealth.

Is it just Midwest or just Illinois?

I think it's just Illinois.

We didn't have ComEd in Indiana. That's why when I say you have to pay my ComEd bill when we go to different states, they have no idea what I'm talking about.

So people outside of Illinois don't know who Thomas Edison is?

Wow.

No, they're Tesla people.

Anyways, that made us want her. If we had gone in and she was available, we probably would have been like, we are not ready to go.

You only want what you can't dog.

You only want what you can't dog and now she's ours and she has separation anxiety.

You can't always get what you don't.

But this is just me saying if anyone has any recommendations for doggy daycare... Spaghetti had a pretty bored separation anxiety. I'm having a stroke. But it's treatable. There's a lot that you can do to help dogs get over their separation anxiety.

We're gonna get her a vest.

Oh, yeah.

Not like an anxiety vest, but like an LL Bean puffer vest. Just so she looks like kind of cool.

Like her Lululemon pants or something?

But I'm sure I'll talk about her. Her name is Lou and she's perfect and we love her.

We need to have a hangout with Spaghetti, Brisket, Fries, and Lou. They're a family now. Yeah.

They're gonna inherit this podcast when we die.

They should do this podcast. If you two put saddles on your dogs, then Brisket and Fries can ride your dogs.

Nothing else matters. It is only this. I can't see a saddle on spaghetti.

I cannot see a creature riding it that is not a gopher or a hamster. Those are the only two creatures that I can even see riding.

Oh, you guys.

I can't describe how joyous it was to have Erin be so sincere and just go, nothing else matters.

Someone better draw that if I don't get to see it in real life, but I have hope we get to see it in real life. What are we doing today, Adal?

Erin, we're doing something special today. This is going to be somewhat similar. If you're one of our Patreon subscribers, you might recognize this format. This is what I've done before with Erin and JPC, where they play the Disney twins. I call these fun shots. It's just sort of a one-off, fun adventure. Unlike the Patreon, where we sort of run it like a D&D with dice that they roll. This is going to involve no dice, and it's going to involve No dice, sir. I guess I leave, then no way. Topical.

Did you say Riddles? It's going to involve Riddles, so... Are we still talking about those?

I Riddle-fied this just to make sure it does qualify for one of our episodes.

Just to be clear, I do leave, right? You do not want me here.

Andrew? Andrew? Yes? Please leave.

Andrew?

Mr. Dice Man? Okay, goodbye. Little Miss Tuffet? He got on a dog and rode off. Yeah, that was my dog, Chad Spaghetti. Oh no, he's not a gerbil. So Erin, what we're doing, this is something I've wanted to do since episode nine. I thought to do it now as a thank you for all the love and hard work and blood, sweat, and tears that you put into Hey Riddle City. I thought this would be just a special celebration of Erin. So JPC will be sitting this out.

Thank you for knowing how much blood I put into Hey Riddle City.

I left with Andrew Dice on his dog. On your dog. So what we're going to be doing, this is going to be called Hey Nintendo Cafe. Erin, this is inspired by your story of when you were a kid, you and Molly playing Nintendo or more like Molly playing and you not. Do you mind setting the table a little bit just to remind anyone who hasn't listened to the episode or it's been a year since you told the story? Just a brief synopsis of what Nintendo Cafe is to you.

So Nintendo Cafe is a perfect example of what it means to be the youngest sibling in a family. So my two older sisters, specifically Molly, would play Nintendo, Super Nintendo or Nintendo 64, and I would really want to be involved. So to trick me she invented Nintendo Cafe which is I had this cafe which is just her kitchen and I would put a little towel over my arm and then have like a notepad and I would take her order for what like snack she would want and I would go and make beautiful spreads just kid charcuterie. And I would bring her her food and then I got to sit quietly and watch her and then like tell her how what a good job she was doing and then clean up too because it was my little cafe.

Yeah, that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. It's terrible. It is a precursor to like video game cafes to a certain degree, but boy oh boy is it sad. Sad every time I hear it.

So I've watched more video games than I've played them, but every once in a while if I'm playing Mario Kart against some guys I barely know, I do okay.

I get a really thirsty for go-gurt. When is the last time you played N64?

Oh, maybe two years ago? Yeah.

In 64? Do you own one or anything?

Yeah, my childhood home still has one and I think... I definitely played Super Nintendo recently when I was home. I played Yoshi World and then... I played Banjo Tui.

You mentioned Banjo and Kazooie. I had never heard of that or played that. I looked it up. It is like often called a masterpiece. It's my favorite. What I saw here is says Banjo and Kazooie. It's a bear and a bird looking to stop the plans of the witch Gruntilda who intends to steal the beauty of Banjo's younger sister Tootie for herself.

It's Heaven on Earth, which is fucking bonkers. Banjo Kazooie is very, very good. Banjo Tooie is the best video game of all time. I've yet to watch or play a video game. I know that technology now is incredible and everyone will disagree with me, but there's no more fun you can have as a human.

I'm sure that there are plenty of people that would stan Banjo Tooie. I think that that is something you will find all around.

I'm summoning my Banjo-Tooie army. Stand behind me.

Show yourself. Well, let's get into it. This is Hey Nintendo Cafe. Erin, this is for you and for redemption for your childhood and as a celebration of you for Hey Riddle City. That's really sweet. So, Arnie, why don't you grab your microphone and 8-bit guitar and lay down that fat track.

The doctor was a Mario. He rode on the fat Yoshi. Both of them were gold beans. It was sweet Kirby at his dream land. He stabbed him with an icicle. We go with him. Princess name was Zelda. Up, up, down, down, Nintendo Cafe. Left, right, left, right, Nintendo Cafe. Hey, Mr. Red, Nintendo Cafe. You cheat, son, cheat, Nintendo Cafe.

So here's the setup. Erin, what's going on as you fall asleep? You are Erin today. Way ahead of you. No Erin, I'm saying you fall asleep. Wake up please. So Erin, you fall asleep and you are in your dreams. When you wake up in your dream, you are waking up from a nap on your couch in Hingham. You are a child. How old were you during Nintendo Cafe days? Probably 10 or so?

8, 9, 10.

Great. So you were 8, 9, and 10. You were 8,910 years old. Wow, Erin. You fucked up when you said that stupid thing. Got her! What a celebration of Erin.

I thought JPC was supposed to leave.

Oh, no. I'm not here. This is Andrew Dice-Clay. So Erin, you are 10 years old. You look around in your Hingham home, and there's no Nintendo 64 because, of course, your sister Molly keeps it in a room under lock and key. However, in the living room that you're in, in your hingham home, you see the soft glow of the TV illuminating the room. You're not sure how long it's been on or who turned it on, but on the TV there's a commercial playing for a new heart medication. The heart medication is called Cardiobros. You see in the ad there's a 50-year-old woman on a tire swing in slow motion laughing. Then there's another 50-year-old woman on the beach in capris looking out at the waves as content as she's ever been.

Is Adal just describing her sexual fantasies? No.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Daddy needs silence. Now there's another 50-year-old woman, a third 50-year-old woman. She's at a nightclub. They're all blowing on each other's lips. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. There's a third 50-year-old woman at a nightclub dancing with glow sticks and crying. And now a fourth 50-year-old woman running through the forest and she trips and breaks her nose and she's laughing. Across the bottom of the screen, the side effects for Cardiobros scrolls by until it says, Some of the words and letters in that sentence flicker in and out until it stops and all that's left is the words 9, 10, the DO and doctor, and the age 65. So it says 9, 10, do, 65. As you read those words out loud, a gaming system appears next to the TV that looks like two shoeboxes full of applesauce. It's clearly some sort of janky knockoff Nintendo system. So it's not an actual Nintendo 64, it's a 9-10-do.

You didn't give us a second to applaud.

Two shoeboxes full of applesauce. It's a 9-10-do 65. 9-10-do 65! 9-10-do 65, you guys. So sort of a knock off Nintendo, we can only assume that this company isn't litigious. A controller sprouts out of the system and lays at your ten-year-old feet. You see a home screen... You have eight-year-old hands, nine-year-old eyes, ten-year-old feet, and a thousand-year-old brain. You see a home screen on the TV suddenly appear. Right now it only has two options. It says one player or two player.

Ninetendoo, applesauce. Two player.

Great, so you select two player on the controller. As you do a second controller, Snakes out of the 9-10-do, lands next to you on the couch, and suddenly a young 15 year old from Indiana springs onto the couch. It is JPC in his younger form. JPC picks up the controller. As he does, you're both zapped into the game. You still have your controllers with you. You're both kind of turned into, I don't know, 65 bits? Is that one?

Yeah, it would be for this.

And on the screen, inside the game that you're in, you see that there is a spot for three initials for each of you.

You should probably go with JPC.

No, I'm 15. I wouldn't actually be JPC. Yes, I'm gonna go with ass. So JPC is ass?

Oh, he took ass. That's the only swear I know right now.

Oh, I can teach you some other swear.

Oh no, this took a turn. Okay, let's see. What's a dirty thing I can say in three letters?

Pooh, damn, cum.

I want to be fuck but F-U-K.

That's great because it'll get through all the profanity filters.

Great, so Ass and Fuck have entered the game.

We high five.

You're still at the home screen, you still have your controllers. Before we move into the game, with your controllers at the home screen, is there anything you want to do? Any buttons you want to press? Anything at all? Okay.

We're at the home screen?

You're at the home screen. Is there anything you want to do? What do our controllers look like? You want to look around? Your controllers look like N64 controllers, but there's five extra buttons.

Okay. Is there anything that says like demo or like a little story you watch?

Nothing like that. I guess what I'm looking for is there any secret code you're looking at?

Yeah, I think I'm going to do Ford Ford Backpack AABB.

Great. So all of a sudden, you see that your life counter goes to infinity. It's sort of an 8 sideways. So you do have infinity lives. And suddenly a genie pops up. This is a game genie. And says to you, Welcome to the 9-10-65. I am the game genie. Please, I will give you 10 seconds each to choose your appearance. What would you like to look like in this game? Anything goes like Sutton Foster says.

I would like to look like Sutton Foster, please. Great!

And you look like Sutton Foster?

Me now, longer hair, huge pecs, oily, not sweaty, oily, and like John Rambo, you know, tied off bandana, and... That's ten seconds.

And you look exactly like Michael Madsen. The Game Genie fades away and suddenly you are in a totally black screen. There's a block that appears above you. It's sort of a yellowish block and has a question mark on it. It's about two, I'd say maybe two feet above your head, maybe a foot and a half above your head, definitely within reach

Oh, okay. Well, from what I know about video games, I'm John, by the way.

Well, I thought you weren't John yet. I'll call you Ass.

Call me Ass, and I should call you Fuck?

Can you call me Aaron?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. Hey Aaron, how old are you? I'm like 8-9-10. 8-9-10? I'm 15, which doesn't make any fucking sense.

You have an interesting vibe. I bet we never work together.

Oh, I wouldn't call it working. As you small talk, the block starts to slowly fade. No, no, no, wait, wait.

I'll jump up and hit it with my head.

Great. Erin, you die.

What the fuck, Adal?

But you have infinity to life, so you immediately repopulate, but you absolutely felt that pain.

Well, that sucks.

Damn, it's a question mark block and you try to hit it with your head? I'd jump up and slap it with my hand.

Great. As soon as you slap it with your hand, the block goes blank and a sheet of paper comes from the top of the block and starts to fall slowly to your feet. The paper! I don't want to do homework.

I'll do it.

It absorbs into the floor and you hear a voice say a riddle out loud. This four-letter word suggests family. Take off the first letter and a flower you'll see.

Okay, fuck is a four-letter word and you have to fuck to create a family.

What's your deal?

It repeats itself. It's pretty much this. This four-letter word suggests family. Take off the first letter and a flower you'll see.

Okay, okay.

Four-letter word that suggests family.

A flower you'll see is a three-letter word.

It's like a, not like gang or community or tribe or... Family of flower would be like bud.

Bud Weiser. That's appropriate for this time period, right? That's the beer commercial? Family. Family. Dom Toretto. Let's see, I'm 15. Would Fast and the Furious be out?

IDK, my BFF Jill.

Bob, we had a baby pizza boy. I'll call now.

I'll call now. Okay, okay, okay.

Are you any good at riddles?

No.

Me neither. I think that they're stupid.

I hope this is the last time I ever have to do them.

Amen to that, sister.

Okay, um, okay.

And you start to, the two of you start to think of flowers, popular flowers, to sort of work backwards perhaps. Okay, okay.

Rose, tulip. But it has to be three letters.

I'm trying. And as you say rose, you feel like a tingling sensation, like you're on the right path. Oh. Rosebud. Rosebud sled. Citizen Kane. Take off the first letter in a flower you'll see. So you have to add one letter to Rose to make a four-letter word that suggests family.

Bros.

Ding, ding, ding. As soon as you say bros, all of a sudden a heart, an actual human heart in overalls, comes running towards you. I kick it. Adal, what? Take it as far as I can. And he hears the ugh of disgust and then gets kicked He flies across the screen, but he only goes so far because the screen, it's 2D and the screen is cut off, so he hits the side where the TV sort of stops and bounces back towards you in a sort of a roll. And this human heart-wearing overalls gets to his feet and goes, Hello! It's a me! Superb cardio! Oh boy.

Pause for applause. Everyone's clapping for Adal in their car.

Where is the mouth on you, superb cardio? It's inside the overall. I don't want to know. I'm not looking in there. I've not followed for that again.

And a Roomba comes by and he jumps on the Roomba and kills it. The fuck is that? I killed the Roomba! And he says his catchphrase, which is, bing!

You really have a lot.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Does he go, it's a me, a super cardio.

It's a me, a superb cardio.

I'm one of the cardio brothers. My name is Cardio Cardio.

Yeah, canonically.

What's your brother's name? My name is Cardio Cardio, and my brother is Luigi. Do you have a vagina?

Do you have like a nemesis? Do you have a good exact, like, doppelganger nemesis as well?

Oh, I have a, uh, yes. His name is Wardio. Wardio? Okay.

Adal's crying and bleeding. It's too much work.

Welcome to the 9-10-2-65. I'll be your guide. Super, Super Cardio.

What are we doing in here? How do we get here? I just don't need to get back to Central Indiana.

Why? You're in a rush? What are you? Bada-boom, bada-bing, I'm a mean ten-year-old.

Bada-boom, bada-bing, are you from Boston? And as you say, bada-boom, bada-bing, a very Italian-looking hark comes in with green overalls and goes, ah, it's me, Luwai Jai, oh.

Sounds filthy. Vagina cardio.

Look, I have to get back to bullying people in band.

Great, now this episode's called Vagina Cardio. No, it's not! And running behind Loai Jai is a brown bag or sack with legs. At the top of the sack there's a baguette sticking out. You can also make out a few apples. And in the middle front of the bag there's what looks like a tear or a rip and suddenly a long tongue shoots out of him. Okay, what is this? This is Yoshi. You hear a voice say... Lunchy?

Groceries!

Groceries.

Oh no! And the YJ goes, this is my friend and pet.

You accidentally did something where every couple that listens to the show they're gonna come home and that's how they're gonna say they brought home groceries.

And Lwijai explains that Yoshi is their friend. That Groceries is their friend and that Groceries is super helpful because you can pick up Groceries and carry it around. Oh, and that's helpful for... You can't ride groceries? No, no, no, no. It would immediately crumble. Sure. So you have to pick it up and it's like, it's probably 40 pounds or so.

It seems like a lot of this is geared towards not getting sued. Am I wrong? Uh, the YG?

Oh, I don't want to get sued. Vagina.

Thank you.

It's vagina.

It's ass. Oh, me.

No, that's vagina. You're ass. Please don't get those confused.

It's ass and Erin.

It's ass and Erin.

No, ass fuck is what the game says. So me and my brother Cardio, we are here to help escort you through the game. If you make it, Erin, I mean fuck, you get to play Nintendo 64. The real deal. You get to play it. Hold the controller and everything. And you get smacked in the face with a tongue hitting you.

That's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

That's not a tongue, that's shaved ham. Jesus.

That's groceries. Don't say Jesus. Shaved ham makes me think of vagina cardio. So clearly groceries has taken a fondest to you and groceries is like just at your side, really enthused and really wants you to pick him up.

Alright groceries, here you go.

So the cardio bros explain to you that you have to make your way through a few levels of this system or this game and each level is going to be a door that you have to make up here and then in that level to kind of defeat the level or get through it you have to answer a riddle. So you start on your path and after a while you're at the spot where a door should be. There is no door but you do see a riddle sort of appear in front of you. Oh, interesting. No door though, huh?

Another one of these.

Is it another question mark block that we have to slap? Nope. So what it says here, where the door should... I mean, simple answer, no. No, I guess it's not. Where the door should be, you see sort of etched in the air. It says, once a monkey king, but something went wrong. One little typo, and now I'm... and it says blank blank.

Donkey Kong.

Great. As you say Donkey Kong, the cardio brothers shake their head, but a door does appear. You open the door and you see in front of you a bipedal donkey. The donkey is jacked. It's just absolutely massive in terms of its upper body. This is a fun parody. Wow, look at those pecs. And as you approach it, you notice that at the jack donkey's side, there's a littler donkey with a backwards cap and a t-shirt that says P. Diddy Kong. And the little P. Diddy Kong is saying, like, take that, take that. And saying, like, bad boys for life. Stuff like that. As you walk through the door, the door shuts behind you and dissolves. The cardio bros and groceries are with you. And you are greeted by the donkey.

Welcome, ass fuck. Welcome. My name's Donkey Kong.

Oh, do you have any barrels that I throw?

In the morning, I'm throwing barrels. Oh, boy. What a setup to that. You set me up for that. Yeah, exactly. My name is Donkey Kong. D-U-N-K-E-Y? Donkey!

It's nice to meet you, Donkey Kong. And it's nice to meet your little friend. Pete Diddy Kong? Yeah, Pete Diddy Kong. Take that. Okay, great. Oh, ass and fuck, yes. Yes, we're ass and fuck. We're, you know, we're here trying to get our own Nintendo 64.

Oh, yes, but your own N64 would be very nice.

Yeah, can you help us?

Yes, of course. You must solve a riddle from Donkey Kong.

Can't wait to hear it in your voice. Well, here it goes.

And he clears his throat and several rats just fall out, just dead rats.

You and me both.

An English word has six letters. Remove one letter and twelve remains. What am I? An English word has six letters. Remove one letter and twelve remains.

What am I? What letter do you have twelve to make it?

Well, the word twelve has six letters. So it's an English word that has six letters. Remove one and twelve remains. Remove one and twelve remains.

Thirteen.

What's another word for twelve? Doesn't. That's five letters. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Dozens. The word is dozens. Dozens. Yes. And I just realized I sound like Pennywise the Clown. Hello Georgie. Yes, you do. We all float down here. Thank you. I don't get that reference.

I won't watch those movies. Well, it's a book. We all know how the cloud sounds in the book. So as you say, dozens, Dunkey and P. Diddy Kong high five each other, and suddenly a little bit in front of you, another door should be another riddle sort of appears in the air, sort of glowing as if handwritten in calligraphy. It says, Going to space? Seal the airlocks? Hop in my R-Wing with your friend.

Star Fox. What Ass said. Listen to Ass, not me.

The answer was Car Fox. The answer, you say Star Fox? Yes, you say Star Fox, the cardio bros shake their head no, but a door does appear. As you walk through the door dissolves behind you and in front of you is the most unbelievably fuckable fox you've ever seen.

So just a fox? I've seen more fuckable than this.

He's wearing a leather jacket. He has cool sort of space pants with a holster and some sort of laser gun. He has, there's probably some sort of frog thing next to him. I never played Star Fox, but this is what I assume is. Oh, don't worry, but I have you go through the whole cast. And as you approach, he isn't looking towards you, but you can tell that he's aware of you. And he's sort of, he's still looking past you and ignoring you, but he says, well, well, well, look with the get you again. Ass fuck.

I wonder if Star Fox will be my first kiss.

Who? Is this Zat Brannigan? Who? My name is Fox McCloud. From the game Star Fox.

Do you think Fox McCloud would be my first kiss if I asked?

I don't think Fox McCloud kisses. No, you're right.

I'm a fox who fucks. Fox McCloud? Because I take that ass to the moon and back.

And is this the antagonist in the game, Luther Vandross? I'm sorry? Luther Vandross? If anything, I sound like Billy Dee Williams. No, I'm good to play on Andross, who's the name. It doesn't matter. No it does. I'm helping. How we doing over here? We're good. We don't, I don't, we're not interested.

Unless you have a riddle.

Ass and fucks, but we don't. If you'd like to move along, I do have a riddle for you. What are you like, 8, 9, 10?

Yeah, exactly.

What are you, from Indiana? Yeah. You smell like paint thinner.

Thank you so much. You've been huffing it? Honestly, I'd rather fuck this frog. Is your name Sloppy, it looks like? Where'd he be sloppy? Oh boy.

Where's the bunny? The bunny that's like, what's the bunny sound like?

He's like... Well, you're just like your father, Fox.

Yeah.

Fox, you fuck like your daddy, Fox. That's awful.

This is going perfectly.

Well, enough out of you.

Nothing sums up Hey Riddle Riddle more than that's awful.

And there's an eagle over here and it looks like your name is Fucko? Yes, that's right.

Fucko, screw off!

And as you're trying to meet this whole cast of characters, groceries is sort of tugging at your pants trying to get your attention.

Groceries? What is it, groceries? Groceries! Groceries! What's up?

And Groceries tongue flicks out to a piece of paper in Starfuck's hand.

Ooh, can we have that paper?

Yeah, I'll read it to you. It's a riddle. Uh, can you not read it sexy? Is that possible? I don't think that's possible. Oh boy. Take care, kids. And it's game over. Oh, no.

No.

And it says continue. Ten.

Continue.

Eight.

Continue.

Seven. Continue. Continue. Six. Great. Both players say continue. Yes. So we continue and Star Fox starts to read the riddle. I'm flat when I'm new. And I'm fat when you use me. What am I?

A balloon!

Is that right? It is a balloon.

Oh boy, I don't want to know what kind of balloon it is. Oh, he gave me one.

Ah, I don't need this. I don't want this. And he takes out a balloon and starts to stretch it like a clown does. Why is it so hot? Do the door. Let's get to the door. And he blows up the balloon and ties the end and gives it to fuck as a little parting present.

Lots of it references.

And as you take the balloon, Erin, you start to float away. You grab hold of groceries, you grab hold of ass, and also the cardio rose. Hang on and you start to float up to the sky. And with that, a quick little break.

What was that? Oh, uh, Cardio Bros. We've gotten pretty far in the game. Is it possible in a Nintendo 65 to save our progress? A what? You mean a 9-10-do? A 9-10-do? Yeah, can we save? That's a great question.

Absolutely not.

Oh shit. When we come back from break, you'll have to start over. Oh no.

What do you mean such a Nintendo Cafe?

And we're back. So the two of you are holding on to the balloon. We have sort of a chain of grip dragging the whole cast along.

And as you float up... I'm trying desperately to let go of the Cardiobros.

Please!

No!

Their claws are digging into my skin. Don't let vagina fall!

Let vagina fall! And as you sort of hit the top, the sort of ceiling in the air here, another sort of area where a door would be appears. You see on that area written into the sky it says, we'd be deliverance if we were a movie. A bear and a bird must be Banjo Kazooie! Great, and the cardio bros shake their head, no.

Stop doing that, you condescending pieces of shit. We just don't know who those are.

Okay, we get it. A Google! No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Bing!

There it is, there it is. And a door appears, or a doorway, there's no actual door, and the balloon immediately floats through, bringing everyone with you. The balloon pops, everyone lands on the floor. The door dissolves. I've covered in something so sticky. And it's all the artery fat from the cardio bros because they are they are human hearts and overalls clearly ejecting fat constantly. Standing in front of you are not Banjo and Kazooie, but you do see what appears to be sort of a burly country bumpkin bear with a mandolin who's just impossibly high. Next to the Next to the bear, who's clearly high with a mandolin, you see a sort of revved up motorcycle with wings. And you start to approach the bear in the motorcycle.

Can't wait to hear the name for you! Who me? Oh nice, he's doing the real voice.

Yeah. Let me introduce the two of us. We're Gonja and Suzuki.

I'm so sorry.

I was gonna guess. I was going to guess Bongjo.

Huh? No, Ganjo and Suzuki. Okay.

Uh, Ganjo. No, Ganjo. Ganjo. And Suzuki. And Suzuki. Why is everything sounding like a vagina to me? Is it Freudian? Is it just my brain or are you saying things that sound like vaginas?

Maybe it's because you're eight and you don't know a lot of words yet.

Maybe.

And the bear cannot stop laughing, just like Hyacel just laughing his ass off.

Well I gotta be honest guys, you're the game that I want to play the most.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Okay. You wanna take a hit?

I'm 15 and I'm from Central Indiana, so I'll take it.

Oh, then you probably want Coke. This is child stuff for you.

Who wants Pepsi or a Coke?

Fuck Indiana. Well, why don't you get on Suzuki and I'll give you a riddle and you can ride around with that grocery bag.

Groosies! Okay, normally you're the one that they ride and there's a man. Really? Yes. Never played the game. You wear a backpack that has Suzuki in your backpack? That doesn't sound right.

A motorcycle in my backpack?

Well it's a Suzuki, I wouldn't call that a motorcycle.

A crotch rocket in my backpack?

And as you get on Suzuki and start to fly around revving the engine with groceries, Ganja reads you a riddle. I cannot hear or even see, but sense light and sounds that may be. What am I?

Can you say it again?

I cannot hear or even see, but I do sense light and sounds that may be.

But I do sense light and sounds that may be. Can't hear or see.

With a camera? Video camera?

But since lots of sounds it may be.

Think more organic than a camera. Yeah, I was going to say can't hear or see. So what is it? Are you an animal?

Lightning.

Yeah. I'm going to talk about an animal. An animal that can't hear or see. A bat? No, bats can't hear because they have the sonar.

You're warm.

I am. This might be something that bats eat. Oh, so bats eat bugs. Mm-hmm. Firefly.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Firefly.

No. No. Closer. But it's a bug. Mm-hmm. Okay, what's a bug that can't hear or see? But sends light and sounds that may be.

Sends light?

A moth!

Nope.

Don't moths go towards light? Okay.

What do you know?

The answer to this riddle. It's not a moth. Is it a lightning bug?

Firefly?

Is it a nighttime bug? I guess so.

Does it fly?

It comes out when it rains. A worm? It's a worm. Oh yeah. Um, and as you say worm, uh... The Moths of the Dirt. Gonja and Suzuki, um, celebrate and go nuts and do a little dance, I suppose. Never play the game.

You would love it. Please play it.

I want to talk to you about it. Gonja and Suzuki. Great! So they usher you down a path to where there's another spot where there is a placement for a door, but no door. And appearing in the air, as always, is another riddle. It says, I'm back with a hunch, but I'm not Esmeralda. Don't think that I'm Link. I'm the queen name of... Alright, hold on.

Let's not fall for it this time. We know what it actually is. What do we think that the Cardio Bros named it?

Say it again.

Yeah. Back. I'm back with a hunch, but I'm not Esmeralda. Don't think that I'm Link. I'm the Queen. Name of?

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it around the cardio bros. God, it's probably something stupid like we were going to guess and then we're going to get in there. He's like, no, it's pretzel-da. Pretzel-da?

What the fuck does that mean? Oh, you know pretzel-da?

Let's just go in and give him the satisfaction. Here we go, Zelda.

As you say, Zelda, the cardio bros shake their head, but a door does appear. As you open the door, there's no humans that you can see. It is a, what seems to be some sort of shrine. There's sort of moss and plant life around it. It's sort of emanating a glow. Hey, listen!

Wow.

I click the top button on my controller. The upwards triangle button.

Great. And immediately a box of text appears. Fun. But you still hear ad nauseam. Yeah, this sucks.

Are you doing an impression of Erin Keif on Hey Riddle Riddle?

In the box of text, because apparently this thing can only say those two words, you see a new riddle. This is fairly short.

What's the name that you gave to Zelda?

No, there is no Zelda. There's no link. This is just some sort of fairy, water fairy. Okay, this isn't Navi.

You're up to no fucking good.

This is, uh, Navu. This is Queen Abadallah. This is Usnavi. And in the text box there's a riddle that says, which ring is square? And that's the length of it. Which ring is square? I got it. Do you want to get it though? Do you want to say it? Which ring is square?

I got it, but do you ask, do you want to say it?

Ringworm.

No. Boxing ring.

It is a boxing ring. You hear the fairy trying to congratulate you, Usnavi. It says,

That fairy's putting its ponytail into that horse's butt.

And you approach a new door, where a door should be. Writing in the air you see a new little clue here. It says, got to catch them all, throw a ball on the lawn, short for pocket monster, they call us

Oh, here we go. What do we think?

Uh, smoke-a-mon?

Uh, smoke-a-mon?

Smoke-a-mon? We've had- Oh, we've had- Oh, it's a- It's a Pokemon. You know you shouldn't smoke. It's bad for your heart. That's not proven.

A cardio! Oh, choc-a-mon?

Oh, boy.

What did you say? Nothing. Choc-a-mon? Choc-ma-mon?

No. Joke-a-non?

Joke-a-mon?

Uh, we'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- We'll- And a door does appear, you walk through it, dissolves behind you, and you see what can only be described as a lightning-enhanced pickle. You're about 10 feet away.

A lightning-enhanced pickle. This is all you, Jamie. So, hold on, hold on, I don't know who that is. My name is Ass. Lightning-enhanced pickle, Pokmon. Or is this a name of a specific type of Pokmon that's like pickle... Pikachu.

And as you say that, as you two say that, the pickle's eyes widen. Pickle Chew. Well, hold on. Hold on.

Pickle Chew. Pickle Chew.

I heard Pickle Chew. This is the first thing that doesn't sound like a vagina.

Well, no. Because that's a little redundant the other way around. Okay, Pickle Chew.

Pickle Chew.

Sure. Just... Pickle Chew? You're right on the line, Pickle Chew.

Pickle Chew! Oh, Pickle Chew!

And it runs and hugs you. It runs and hugs fuck.

Pickle Chew, I choose you!

Oh, you're covered in brine. And Pickle Chew is over the moon and you can see groceries is visibly upset.

Groceries! Groceries! Groceries! Want me to eat a little bit of that baguette?

And groceries spit about its tongue and grabs a Pikachu, swallows him, and there's just an egg left behind groceries.

The fuck?

Oh, you gotta break that egg open.

You gotta break that egg open.

And Erin you die. We both hit continue.

I go up and slap the egg. It cracks as an egg does when you slap it. And in the egg is no longer a pickle chew, but a piece of paper with a riddle. It says, my first is twice an apple, but not once in tart. My second is in liver, but not in heart. And as it says heart, the cardio bros go, yeah! My third is in a giant and also in ghost. Whole I'm best when I am roast. What am I? God, okay, so these are, it's a letter riddle.

Vowels.

And it sort of says the highlights again. My first is in, my first is twice in apple, but not once in tart. My second is in liver, but not in heart. My third is in giant and also in ghost. Whole I'm best when I am roast. Pig. Erin, it is Pig.

I got it. I got it though.

Yeah, Pig, okay.

Ass is jealous. Ass is always jealous.

Ass is jealous. Ass, ass, jealous, jealous. As you say, Pig, you see someone from a previous door sort of rip open. The door had dissolved, but where the space was, you see two hands rip open. No, that's violent.

That looks violent to me.

Through the door comes a metal man. He's covered in blue armor. He has a cannon for an arm. One of his arms is just a cannon. And at his side, he has a robotic dog. And he's wearing a red hat. And you have met Magaman. Oh boy.

Oh, fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck this. Goodbye.

What'd you say? Would you say fuck this?

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Her name is fuck.

You two are with these bleeding hearts? Yeah. I mean technically. I'm Cardio Bros.

We can't get rid of the Cardio Bros.

Huh. Huh. Huh. I'm Magaman. Yeah we understand. This is my dog Limbo.

Oh boy. Huh? Nothing.

No we understand.

Would you say?

Will you not hear us? And from the door as well, ripping through is a dog holding a shotgun and his t-shirt says, fuck hunt. And he's snickering.

Oh god. Everyone in this room has a tension headache. Mega Man, what are you doing here? Aren't you from, this is a 9, 10, 2, 65. Aren't you from a different system? I don't know.

What does that mean, different system? You trying to take my guns? No, I just thought that you were... We're not trying to take your penis.

I mean, your guns.

Good, because I got a big gun. Five and a half inches. That's big, huh? Well, for me, I'm 15.

Yeah, I thought... That's the first time I heard Casey laugh at some diagrams.

Aren't you like a Capcom? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Hey, it doesn't matter. I'm glad you're here.

You are? Well... You're going home here? No, I mean... Do you have a riddle?

Except everybody to a certain extent. And as you can tell that Magaman is a little upset and you notice that the Cardio Bros have disappeared. What? As Magaman starts to approach you with the the fuck hunt dog with a shotgun and a limbal, the robotic dog, you hear a vroom. You think it's maybe Suzuki, but as you turn around you see that the the Mario... The Cardio Bros. Thank you.

There we go. Oopsie daisies.

Have brought shopping carts. They've brought their cardio carts. And you all hop into those carts. This cardio cart's full of vegetables.

Cardio cart.

Who needs this much kale?

We're about to play cardio cart. Because it's sort of like Mario Kart.

Erin, this is for you.

This is tight. I can't stress this enough. This is heaven-sent.

And you get into the the cardio carts as Magaman starts to shoot from his arm cannon and as the fuck starts to shoot at you, you're dodging these bullets. You make your way about a mile down the way. You're trying to throw tortoise shells behind you, whatnot, and you come across a riddle in front of you as you continue to go in the carts.

Keep driving on the sand.

It says... You see the Riddle says... Chode! And the cardio bros shake their head, yes.

Goddamn it!

And the door opens up and your carts fly through and it dissolves right as Mega Man and Fuck Hunt and Dog get stuck behind it. And you see... That was a close one. You see what looks like a... But some of the stuff that Mega Man was saying kind of made sense.

No, get the fuck out of here. Okay, you're right. Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Yeah? Ooh, my first slap from a lady.

There will be many more.

Daddy's addicted. And you see in front of you what looks like, it looks like a toadstool, but it's way wider than it is toadstool.

No, no. Don't describe this.

We see it. Well, it's either chode or stool. Which character do you want? No, we're good, we're good. And so it's about as wide as it is tall.

Can someone give me a ride home?

And Chode says, I can.

Hi, I'm Chode.

Hi Chode.

Hi, welcome. Do you have a riddle for us? Oh, you want to get straight into it? Yeah, not dying to hang out here.

We don't want to dwell on you.

Great. Here's the riddle. Run smoother than any rhyme. Loves to fall, but cannot climb. What am I? Diarrhea. Okay. Can you read it again? Run smoothie? Run smoother than any rhyme. Loves to fall, but cannot climb. What am I? Leaf. Uh, no?

It runs smoother than any rhyme.

Yeah! Yeah! I'm-a gonna win!

Loves to fall, but cannot climb.

Choud is king!

Oh boy. Choud!

Run smoother than any rhyme. Loves to fall, but cannot climb. Whatever. Give us a hint.

Let's see. Loves to fall, but cannot climb. Is it like the season fall?

No. Time. It has to do with seasons and falling. It says it loves to fall.

Pepper.

Salt. Is it yeah? Well, I'm saying yeah just to be supportive, but you're dead wrong. Shouts are gonna win.

Oh boy.

So it's not like seasoning? Yeah, chode! What? It's not seasoning? Well, no.

Okay.

But it has to do with seasons, I guess, but not seasoning.

Is it snow?

Um, in a way? Water. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Rain. It's what, well, stop, you got it.

It's water.

You got it. Okay, so hail? Stop, you got it.

Gravity. Gravity. Let's go further out.

Uh, soda? Chode's gonna win! King Chode!

And as Chod continues to rant and rave, you see off into the distance, you see a flagpole. At the top of the flagpole is sort of a pennant, or I guess you would call it a flag, but it's in the shape of sort of a pennant. And there's sort of a brick stairway leading up to the flag, but there's a big gap in between the brick stairway and the flag, probably about 15 feet or so. Oh no. Cardiobros, how do we get over that gap?

Oh, you have to run up the stairs and run and jump and trust. Trust in each other. Ass the fuck. Okay.

I think I- Yeah, you really have to have a lot of trust to ass fuck. Relax.

All you have to do is relax. Have a conversation about it. Have a conversation about it.

Well, of course I've-

That's not what I said. I said relax. I just didn't say don't have a conversation about it.

I've never done that.

And I will never do that.

I walk up the stairs, grab onto, uh, lewaijai. Vagina! I grab on a vagina, toss him to try to see if I can get him to hit the flag.

Levijai starts to soar and makes it past 90% of the stairs and then falls and breaks his neck.

Oh, he's gonna come right back. Oh no!

Oh no!

You told me to jump, you little motherfucker!

Oh no, Adal Rifai, kill me! Kill me!

And his neck, the bones in his neck are jutting out of his neck.

Are you okay? No!

Oh, kill me! Ew, you're still alive?

Alright, um, hiya!

And since he is a human heart with bones inside, you see that the pumping starts to slow, and slow, and slow.

Well he's gonna come back, we have infinity lives, I'm not worried about him.

We do. We do.

Oh well goodbye!

And you watch, as you say goodbye, you watch the life drain out of La Waijai Cardio.

Oh sad. Goodbye vagina. I'll see you later.

Cardio, you said that we could make that jump, so why didn't La Waijai make it? You're next motherfucker.

No, wait. I know a riddle that will help more stairs grow.

Yeah, say it, tell us that. Okay, I should have done that before your brother dies. Please, uh, please.

We'll kill your whole fucking family, Cardio.

Please, no. My wife. Please think of my wife.

Don't say my wife. My wife. A beach. A beach. She's a princess beach.

Piach! Princess Piach! Wait, hold on. Beach Leech? Princess Leech?

Oh, Jesus.

I don't know. A little leech and a pink dress? I'll buy it.

Oh, I'm a rock hard. Let me give you the riddle, please. What kind of coat is always a wet when you put it on? A dog's coat. Grocery's!

And grocery starts to sort of wag its tongue.

So it's like a food coating coat? No.

A coat of paint?

A coat of paint. That's it. A coat of paint. Nice. You're telling me you've never eaten paint in a pinch?

Everything I eat has a pinch of paint.

Well, you're fucking from Indiana.

And as you berate cardio, more stairs start to grow to where you have a full path all the way to the flat.

I pick up cardio, go to the top, and throw him off the side.

About a cadaver teeth.

No, it's all coming back. As you toss cardio, cardio is high enough up where he just explodes.

Oh, no thanks.

Okay, so be careful of that. And as you climb up, you are inches away from the flag.

Oh, great. Okay, so be careful of that.

I walk up. Groceries, you're with us now.

Sorry. I'm gonna go on your shoulders, get to the top of the flag so we get an extra life.

Oh yeah, good call. Saying grocery sorry we killed your mom and dad or whatever we did.

Groceries! Great! Sorry we killed your mom or dad or whatever we did.

I take an apple. You think Mario and Luigi are Yoshi's mom? I don't know man. Nothing matters. I grab an apple out of groceries and take a bite. As you grab an apple out of groceries, groceries immediately dies. That was it's heart.

That was it's heart?

That other thing was a heart. How am I supposed to know? This Apple's old fucking, it's a Grady Smith. And you just hear a death rattle of groceries. Oh don't say that. And the bag of groceries shits itself. I'm sorry, fuck.

I'm sorry I killed all of your friends.

You're such a jerk.

And the flag is inches away. Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna get in your shoulders. I'm gonna get the points. Here we go.

Okay, fair's fair. Erin grabs the very top of the flag. You're almost, for a moment, you're almost sitting on the flag and you hear, paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me. So that's what plays when you're sitting on the flag and then you slide down. You see an extra life go up to your infinity circle and shrug and then just like fuck off. Um, you slide down. And waiting for you at the bottom, the game sort of turns back into Hingham. It turns back into your living room. Waiting for you back in your living room with the flag still sitting in the middle of your room is Molly. And she is there weeping, crying. She thought that she lost you. She holds out to you from behind her back. She gives you a bag. You're skeptical because you know that Molly's been a little rude to you before. A little mean wouldn't let you play. No good bitch. No?

No?

Okay. That's what you said. But Molly hands you a bag. What is this? You take the bag. There's a real bag. And you look inside the bag. Erin's got a real bag.

Oh my god! Are you serious?

It's an Nintendo 64. Where did you get this? Well, the bag says the exchange on it, so I'd guess that he bought it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh my god, and it has Banjo Kazooie! Are you serious? Does this work?

Does this work?

Are you serious?

And so Molly gives you the N64 with Banjo and Kazooie. Well, I say, in the game Molly gave it to you, I don't pay for it, but that's another here and there.

Erin pulls out what I can only describe as two shoeboxes full of loose apple sauce and a little cartridge. I should have done that.

This is Banjo Kazooie.

This is really nice.

And as you're appreciating the gift, you hear a message from Molly. I'll play it for you.

Did Molly record it? Are you kidding? No way! That's crazy.

Hey Erin, it's your sister Molly. I'm glad you had your fun, but I've been waiting and I need some pink juice and cheeses. So you better get back to work. And don't forget the dish towel. I like the way it looks. It should be draped over your left arm or running a professional establishment here. So, you need to get it right. Okay.

Oh my god I'm crying on Hey Riddle Riddle. It's the most embarrassing podcast to cry on.

So you and Molly embrace and hug and you wake up back in Chicago current day present day you're in your apartment the microwave is clean and still in your bed as you wake up you're still clutching the Nintendo 64 with banjo and kazooie those years to keep.

This is my favorite episode of all time. You guys!

Erin's genuinely crying. I don't deserve this. So Erin, you live a wonderful, happy, long life. We celebrate Erin, credits roll, we see the makers of the game. Still stuck inside the game.

Oh my god!

I kind of watched all of this. Still stuck inside the game. As you tap on the glass, the two shoe boxes of applesauce topple over. You're stuck inside the game and you see a doorway appear. There's no riddle to be solved. It's just a regular door almost to like an apartment or a condo. You go through the door and inside is a man who looks like he's been expecting you. You suddenly look down, you realize that you're wearing overalls, the same overalls that the Cardio brothers were wearing, and the man approaches you. What took you so long? What do you mean what took me so long? Huh? I called you hours ago! What? I have a toilet that's backed up full of shit!

You're a plumber, right? You're with the cardio bros? Do I have a plunger in my hand?

Suddenly a plunger does appear.

Yeah, I guess I'm a plumber and I'm... Great, I have a riddle for you.

What clogged my fucking toilet?

I don't know, a big shit, you just... Ding, ding, ding. Big old shit. Get to work. Okay. You have a job, right? Yeah, I guess I'm a plumber. Do I still have infinite lives?

As you look up, the Sideways 8 that represents infinity goes upright. Two and eight. It goes down to seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

And the one starts to kind of shake. I guess I'll go clean the toilet for you, sir. Great. God, this is a lot of shit. This is all from you? This looks like maybe like a family did, though. Nope. Just you?

But I take all kinds of shit.

What's your diet?

Big shit, delicious. And JPZ is stuck in the game forever as ass the plumber till his dying day working unclogging toilets. And that's the episode! That's Nintendo Cafe.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That is one of the... This is definitely my favorite episode of all time. Thank you so much.

JPC deserves it.

This is crazy.

He deserves what he got. JPC, anything you want to plug?

Wait, wait, wait. Adal got me a Nintendo 64. This is the best day of my life. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you Molly for recording that. That's really sweet. She said pink juice, which is what I called cranberry juice ocean spray for forever. And it's red, so what the fuck was I thinking? But this is like one of the most thoughtful things you've ever done for me. I can't thank you enough. Thank you.

Well, thank you for Hey Riddle City. Can't wait to interrupt Erin's plug time. I don't know what that was. And Erin, you have to have us over and we will, Japes and I will sit and watch you play Banjo and Kazoo.

No, that's not true.

Yeah, you'll be Nintendo Cafe.

I'll get you some charcuterie and make you drink ocean spray.

No, maybe we'll do a live stream of all of us playing that.

Oh, please, yes. I'll get you an Indiana Coke, a Pepsi. Disgusting. Japes, anything you want to plug? No, I don't think I got anything to plug. You can always follow me on Twitter at jpsofly.

Well, that's a plug. Yeah, sure. Don't act like you don't have something and then say something. Something I want to plug is the Chicago Board Game Cafe. I went there the other day. This is from our friends at Cards Against Humanity. They opened up a board game cafe in Chicago. It's absolutely incredible. They have escape rooms. One of the rooms, or maybe both of them, are created by Sandy Weiss, our own publisher. He's ours. Yeah. We own him contractually. So it's some of the best escape rooms you'll ever do. The food is incredible, the atmosphere is incredible. It's absolute magic. So please go to the Board Game Cafe. You can check them out on Twitter at Chicago Game Cafe or their website ChicagoGameCafe.com. Tell them Hey Riddle sent you and you won't get anything, but just be nice for them. But they'll get off. They'll get off. So please check that out. Also, I do want to mention if you want to send us something, letters, whatever you want to send us, you can send that to HeyRiddleRiddleCareof.io Theater. That's at 1501 North Kingsbury, Chicago, Illinois, 600642. A few people sent some stuff unsolicited. We thank you for that. Adam F. sent me a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Tiki mug, which is amazing. Julia Harrison sent us some homemade goods that she knitted that are incredible. A gentleman named James sent us a hot sauce roulette wheel, which is really cool.

This guy named Sully, I think it's Sully or Sully, Sully? Sully. Sully sent us, or sent me a chinchilla that I put various hats on around my house. I'm having the time of my life.

People have also been sending us riddle books that they find, and all of them, every book that we have received looks like it is haunted.

We appreciate you sending us cursed books. That's four.

And I also want to thank Casey Tony for the clearly wonderful work they did editing this episode and Arnie Parrott for the new theme song, the new Nintendo Cafe theme song.

Erin, anything you want to plug?

Follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and Erin Keif 2 on Twitter. I have lots of projects and various things coming up like sketches and other stuff that you can find there. Also, message me on Instagram and I can maybe try to get you free tickets to World News tonight.

And Erin, do you want to maybe plug in that Nintendo 64?

Adal, I cannot believe it. We have to do a review crew of Banjo Kazooie or something. Absolutely. Please. Thank you. Truly, truly thank you. This is so nice. I can't believe it. Sean's gonna freak out. We're gonna never leave our apartment again.

And famously, Banjo and Kenzooie. Kenzooie?

Is that his name? Your version. It can be whatever.

Famously. My name's Kenzooie.

Ken Zui's a... Ken Zui and Maria CVS are married.

Famously, Ganja and Suzuki are from the planet.

Jupiter! Bye for my favorite episode ever!

Game over.

Adal, I'm freaking out! I'm never gonna leave my house or do any work. Never gonna work again.

I'm never gonna work again. Now that I've got Nintendo.

That was a head gun podcast.