Which Riddle Riddle?

#84: Riddle Me Shakespeare

00:00:02

Erin

This is a Headgum podcast.

JPC

Hey Riddle Riddle is the name of this podcast and we're going to be doing a live show of this podcast in Los Angeles, Sunday, May 17th at 7pm at Dynasty typewriter. If you want to go to the show, you should buy tickets headgum.com slash live. And if we sell out all of the early show, we may be adding a secret late show and you know, we get dirty at the late show. We don't actually get dirty at the late show. Bring your kids. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, something were going to finish.

???

It was the habit of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icing. And the horse came riding.

Adal

Hey, sorry, why don't you just have a seat. Erin and Japes and I want to talk to you. Sorry, this is hard as your host. As your podcast host, this is hard, but we were looking under your bed and we found some riddles. Now, we're not mad.

00:01:17

JPC

And it's not bad. We're not mad. And you did nothing wrong.

Erin

Disappointed.

Adal

We're more disappointed than mad.

Erin

We're more disappointed than mad.

Adal

There are no good riddles. Don't be embarrassed. Or if you want to do riddles, do them with us. And if you have questions, we want you to ask. Yeah, and I hope you're using protection. I hope you're using protection.

Erin

And if you want to talk about anything, email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.gov. No weird sex stuff, just riddles.

JPC

Just riddles. And if you're thinking about trying and doing riddles, honestly, I'd rather you do them at home.

Erin

Yeah, we would just drive all over town.

JPC

That's what I said just moments ago.

Adal

With riddles and reiterating.

Erin

And I'm going to be the first to say this. If you're going to do riddles, we would rather you do them at home.

Adal

I already said that.

Erin

But we love you. We love you so much. We're just a little bit disappointed that you're doing riddles because riddles are bad.

Adal

And we support you. Yes, and we love you. We support you. But we'll never be able to see you the same way again, if that makes sense?

Erin

Yes. That does make sense. Riddles are bad.

Adal

Here is some porn.

00:02:20

???

We want you to go up to your room.

JPC

Here's some cocaine. And we want you to pour the cocaine on the porn.

Erin

And then drink a beer.

JPC

Have fun.

Erin

Okay, no more riddles.

JPC

Have fun. Have safe fun. Have safe fun. Good, clean, safe.

Erin

And JPC, are you old man puzzles today?

JPC

And I'm your dad, JPC. We have to introduce ourselves. I'm your dad, JPC.

Erin

I'm your lamp, Erin.

JPC

And I'm your uncle, kitty cat. Yes, everyone knows this podcast is hosted by JBC, Erin, and Kitty Cat.

Adal

I mean Erin said she was a lamp, come on.

Erin

Everyone knew I was a lamp. A lamp with a wig. A wig melted under the lamp.

Adal

Does the wig match the lamp? I think the new catchphrase for this show is, no weird sex stuff, just riddles.

Erin

Good point.

JPC

Just so you know, we are going to get emails with weird sex stuff.

Erin

No, don't. Seriously guys don't.

JPC

I'm going to break out if you do that. I read these emails. Also, you know, a few weeks ago, maybe like a month ago on the show, we asked people to send us some proposal stories and people sent us their proposal stories. Some of them were pretty fun.

00:03:27

Erin

Any standouts?

JPC

One of them in particular was awful, like they did a bad job and they are lucky that their partner said yes to their proposal. But man oh man, proposal stories. They were a lot of fun. Thank you so much for sending them in, if you did send them in. And I cannot stress this enough. Do not send us weird sex stuff.

Erin

Okay, if you do, I'm going to post your email on the internet and tell people to find you and destroy you. Along with you.

JPC

Along with pictures of your feet?

Erin

No, no more jokes and pictures about my feet.

Adal

Goodbye. Pictures about your feet? Yes. Erin just walked through the desk.

Erin

Yeah, I'm walking over this escalator that gets out of the studio. Bye guys.

Adal

I will be honest.

Erin

I'll be escalator going up.

Adal

Now she's base jumping off the top of this mall. See you later. Do not send, no one can hear you that far away.

JPC

Do not send pictures of Erin's feet, but if you send pictures about Erin's feet, I don't know what that means.

Erin

This is Casey's Nightmare, but it's a test. Ready?

00:04:29

Adal

Okay, Erin is running into the corner. She's pulling a Blair Witch. Okay, she's asking if Kasey can hear her. Sorry, Audio Daddy is motioning kind of. Kasey looks very confused.

JPC

Sorry guys, that was for science. Thank you Audio Daddy. Okay, so I am Old Man Puzzles today and I do have some puzzles and riddles for you to try in a safe space. Okay, let's try it. These are actually some of them are puzzles, some of them are hurdles, and some of them this first one that we're gonna do is more like I guess like a kind of a game. And this is something that a listener sent in. This is from, did they say that I could use? Yeah, they said Damien from Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Erin, do you know where Pittsfield is?

Erin

Sort of.

JPC

Great. Massachusetts is not that big. You should know vaguely where Pittsfield is.

Erin

West.

JPC

Okay, good. That's way better than East because East is the water. So this is, Damon from Pittsfield says, Hey guys, I came up with a game where I take famous movie quotes, convert them to Shakespearean language, and your job is to convert them back. They also say, have fun.

00:05:36

Erin

Okay, we will.

Adal

Couldn't you have just not converted them?

Erin

And just JPC reads movie quotes?

Adal

Yeah, just read the movie quotes and we'll applaud you.

Erin

Yes. That sounds... Okay, go over to our Patreon.

JPC

We're gonna do that. I'm so sorry, Damien. This is a better game. I'm just gonna read movie quotes. We're gonna do it for an hour and a half and that'll be the fucking podcast now. Why'd you make our podcast longer? I mean, if it's gonna get better, it's gonna get longer.

Adal

Is that what you tell everybody?

Erin

I'm ready.

Adal

Okay.

JPC

Oh, and then I forgot that I get to say these in Shakespeare.

Adal

This is my audition for improv Shakespeare. For anybody who can't see, which is most people, uh, Japes is putting on pantaloons. He's pulling up his socks. He is putting on some sort of, uh, long sleeve billowy shirt.

Erin

So far it's just business as usual.

Adal

Putting on a backwards chicken onto his head. I business in the front and business in the back. I'm gonna be playing business soon.

Erin

Business as usual.

JPC

Uh, addressing thee, thy utterance be. Call me by your name. Addressing thee, thy utterance be?

00:06:41

Erin

Are you talking to me?

???

Yeah.

JPC

Oh, it's movie quotes. I'm sorry. I thought it was movie titles. It is movie quotes, not movie titles, and that is correct. Erin, you have one point. It's are you talking to me?

Erin

Sound effect of me getting a point. I got a point. No, stop it.

JPC

That's it.

Erin

Adal, no, Adal.

Adal

Refugee beckoning dwelling. Refugee beckoning dwelling. Refugee beckoning dwelling. So a dwelling that would beckon refugees would be like a hostel, and that's a movie from Eli Roth, but we're going for quotes, not movies.

JPC

You're really good at the thing that we're not doing.

Erin

Wait, can you say it again?

JPC

Refugee beckoning dwelling. This is really funny. Yeah, I think you just have to break down each one of the words. I'm the captain now. No. I am the captain now. Dwelling is like a house. Yes. Or home. Home.

Erin

There's no place like home.

JPC

Refugee. No, the refugee. So refugee beckoning home.

00:07:42

Adal

Refugee beckoning home.

Erin

I want to go home, something like home.

JPC

Yeah, very close.

Adal

There's no place like home.

JPC

No. What's a more modern way to beckon someone? Uh, Scientology. What's that? Flirt? No.

Erin

Call.

JPC

Yes. E.T.

Erin

phone home. E.T.

???

phone home. Erin has two points. This is me, sentient scoreboard.

Erin

New favorite character.

JPC

I'm looking for a new way to say that every time she gets a point. Be that our prey is prodigious, our barge must be humongous. We're going to need a bigger boat. We're going to need a bigger boat.

Erin

I am the Adal Pint. Hello, there's one of me now.

Adal

Bobcat Goldtweet? Shut up. Get away from the sentient scoreboard.

JPC

An appearance made granted that a structure be laid. If you build it, they will come. Is that it?

Erin

Yeah.

JPC

I was motioning to you to give more points.

Erin

I seconded. Here I come. There's two of me now.

00:08:43

JPC

Okay. It's all tied up. That's not like Yoda. Uh, although thy a babe, they thought to be brave, that a revenant peeped sans grave.

Erin

What? I'm too hot to die. I'm too hot to die. I'm too hot to die.

JPC

I don't remember what movie I'm too hot to die in, so I want to see a little scene from Saving Private Ryan.

???

I'm too hot to die.

JPC

My bad, my bad. I want to see a scene from Saving Private Ryan. Thank you for reminding me. Erid, you're going to be playing Private Ryan. And then Adal, you're going to be playing some of the soldier corps sent to rescue Private Ryan.

Adal

I believe there's a who's in there. So you want me to play fellow soldiers who mean this private no harm to elicit the phrase, I'm too hot to die?

Erin

No, no, no, no. I'll make it make sense. Relax. Hey, you guys, come here quickly. Come here, guys. Come here. Come here.

Adal

Oh hey, we haven't met before. We better introduce ourselves. My name is Tex.

00:09:45

JPC

My name is... I'm the guy from the Fast and the Furious movies.

Erin

You can just call me by my last name, Ryan. You guys, I called you over here because look at this mirror. I just kind of glimpsed of myself in this mirror. I don't think I can go out there. I'm too hot to die. I don't think I can like go on that beach with you guys. I can't go to the beach with you guys because I think I'm like a little too much.

Adal

Stop calling it going to the beach with us. That's gonna be a dead stop.

Erin

I know that's what I'm saying I can't do a dead stop.

Adal

No what I'm trying to say is there's a dead soldier in front of you stop.

Erin

You're marching along like it's Disney World. This is proving my point. He looks pretty hot too. I gotta stay.

JPC

You think you're hotter than this dead guy?

Erin

Let's see. Yes. You think you're hotter than this guy? Look at me. Look at me. Well, let me give you a spin. And washboard abs. This guy looks like the guy... What do you think a spin is?

Adal

You just twirled around and flipped your shirt up.

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Well, this guy looks like Rudolph Auntino. He's pretty hot. Yeah, and this guy looks like the guy from Hebrew Hammer. What's that actor's name? Adam Goldberg. He was insane for Trevor Ryan. Sure, he gets stabbed while the guy goes, I hate that scene.

00:10:53

JPC

That scene's the fucking worst. No, you didn't get this one. Although thy a babe, thy thought to be brave, a revenant peeped sans grave. The fuck? Sound like a hot?

Erin

Pretty?

Adal

No.

JPC

Pretty woman walking down the street. So the one that you really want to clue into is a revenant peeped sans grave.

Adal

Nobody peeps baby in a corner.

JPC

A revenant peeped sans grave. This is a famous movie line.

Adal

Okay, here's looking at you kid. Play it again grave.

JPC

You're peeping at a revenant out of the grave.

Adal

There's no crying in burials. You're peeping at Revenant. So Revenant is like a Tom Hardy angel. It's like a bear that tries to eat you. You're viewing someone who has been deceased. Okay. I see dead people.

00:11:55

JPC

It's another point for Adal.

Erin

Oh God, there's three of me now. It's hard to fit up here. It's a bunch of kids standing where a scoreboard would be.

JPC

A quandary had wearing an overcoat. A quandary had on the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad.

Adal

Earth girls are easy.

JPC

Earth.

Adal

A quandary had on the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad. This better not be. I have no clue. I hope that that's in here, but I didn't read ahead.

Erin

I don't know.

Adal

Can you read it one more time? A quandary had. So question. On the earth be bad. On the earth be bad. But in the heavens it is sad. Bad boys for life. This one's harder, I think. Can you give me a hint? Oh, is this from Independence Day?

JPC

No, but you're close. Is this from Alien? No. Again, you're in kind of the right

Adal

It's like a blockbuster alien film.

00:12:57

Erin

Is Question the right thing?

JPC

Uh, no.

Adal

Oh, okay. So like a puzzle?

JPC

Quandary won't help you really. On the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad. Because that's where I think you were getting like the alien thing, but that's where we are. Like it's... think space.

Adal

Think space. Oh, uh, is this from Star Wars?

JPC

No, not Star Wars. It's a very famous movie quote.

Adal

Um, and it's from space. We already had E.T. Famous space movies. It's gonna be, better be Interstellar? I think this is the most famous space movie.

JPC

I think this is a Tom Hanks line.

Adal

I believe it's a Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks in space? Apollo 13, Houston we have a problem.

JPC

Houston we have a problem.

Adal

We have a problem. That's for Adal. I just got back the other day from Houston where I played with my friends, Ann and Chris Lukeman, who, you know, they did the escape room that we did on the Patreon. They booked four escape games and we did four escape games in like 48 hours. And the first one we did, they asked for a team name. And so the team name I came up with that everyone adults me with was Houston. We have a solved them. Oh boy.

00:14:05

Erin

Oh you're fun.

Adal

You're one of those guys. We also did a Houston.

Erin

Did you like Houston? I love Houston.

Adal

It was weird. It's very spread out and there's parts of it like there's a lot of like there's a place called Spaghetti Western we pass which looks like an original Cracker Barrel. Like what Cracker Barrel is going for but with a weird Texan Italian theme? We had a place called Cavatori, which was amazing. We had amazing Viet Cajun food. Which is a little different around here. It's just very weird.

Erin

I lived there for a summer. Really? I did. And then I also, my sister went to Rice, so I've been there a bunch. And I'm going there for a wedding in like two months.

Adal

It was, I think if you know where to look, it's fun. But as a tourist, we were frustrated at times. But we went to the cisterns, if you ever, that was very cool.

Erin

I worked at Houston Shakespeare Festival for summer. If you ever, those shows are absolutely incredible. If you live in Texas, you want to go check them out.

Adal

Famously, Shakespeare is bigger in Texas. That's true. And speaking of Shakespeare, good thing. Yeah, if I can put it on your plate for you. Right there.

Erin

Eat it up.

JPC

Eat it up, Piggy. I'm afraid my dear, with the stick and the sphere, bereavement

00:15:08

Adal

Shun't be seen here. There's no crying in baseball. There's no crying in baseball.

Erin

I can't, you anticipated that one.

Adal

Wow. Oh, I forgot to mention, we also did an escape room called Houston We Have a Problem, which was a reenactment of the Apollo 13 mission. Oh. And three people are astronauts, and the rest of people are in mission control. Did you get out? We got out, but I will say we played with people who, Anne and Chris's friends, who work for mission control for NASA, so it was not fair. Oh.

Erin

Wait, did they play the astronauts?

Adal

No, they played Mission Control.

Erin

That's so sad. Let them do the opposite of what they do all day.

Adal

It was super fun and it's less of a like finding keys or anything and more of like you have to reenact what Apollo 13 did.

JPC

I would hate that like that's that would be like if I for fun went and did a UFC fight. It's like I do that shit for work all day long. What do you think you do for a living?

Erin

Where do you think you are right now?

JPC

Oh, I have a guy who was worth a million dollars beat the shit out of me.

Adal

You guys gonna say for a living you get your ass whooped?

JPC

Acknowledge thy scant cohort.

00:16:09

Adal

Acknowledge my scant cohort?

JPC

Acknowledge thy scant cohort. Friend?

Erin

You've got a friend in me.

JPC

Acknowledge my scant cohort.

Erin

Say hello to my little friend! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

JPC

The inquiry mind mayhaps will find of which the capsule is lined.

Erin

I'm out.

JPC

Oh, I know. Oh, do you really?

???

Why couldn't you put the bunny down?

JPC

Dude, it's so close, but it's not that. That's a great one. But it's Nick Cage or it's Con Air? It's not Nick Cage.

Erin

It's not Con Air. Except all those famous Con Air clothes.

JPC

Sorry, Nicko. I could go, I could go on.

Adal

What could you just put the bunny down? We need to do, that's your favorite movie. We need to do a Hey Riddle Riddle live stream.

JPC

Are you Vince Larkin? Cause I got a body here with your name written all over it.

Erin

How much of that movie do you think you could do?

JPC

I could do 100% of the lines of that movie. Me and Colin Dahlgren watched that movie once, and we just said it every line before they said it.

00:17:13

Adal

Here's the biggest question for you, JPC. As someone who's seen that movie 20 times myself, what do you think happens between Steve Buscemi and that little kid?

JPC

Nothing. That little kid is fine, Steve Buscemi leaves that little kid alone. Steve Buscemi has bigger fish to kill.

Erin

I want to see a scene. Before we see a scene, I would love to see a scene, but can you just give me the first few lines of dialogue from that movie if you remember what they are?

JPC

The first few, oh man, it has been a while since I've seen that, the first few lines of dialogue from that movie. So I don't know what they, I couldn't tell them, I couldn't say it for sure, but the first lines of dialogue in that movie, it opens with Nicolas Cage being trained as an Army Ranger, and it's the Army Ranger guy giving a speech about what Army Rangers are, and I think he says something about how their hands are deadly weapons, or maybe that's the judge who sentences him. That's so cool. That their hands are deadly weapons. I wish I could. I would love to do a podcast where I watch that every day for a year. Are the hands already a podcast? I would. But for Con Air? Yeah. Really?

Adal

No. They're like, they're like, yeah, yeah.

00:18:15

Erin

Let's do it.

Adal

We'll call it hot air. Dead air. Let's see a scene. Sure. Japis, I want you to be Nicholas Cage, and you're auditioning for Con Air, but you're fucking Nicholas Cage, so you've never had to audition before, so you didn't read the script beforehand, and now you're bullshitting your way through it.

JPC

Thank you so much for having me here.

Erin

Uh, we're actually, the audition room is right over here. You're still in the lobby.

JPC

I'm talking to the water cooler. It's so nice to meet you! Blub blub blub blub. Make your acquaintance. Blub blub blub. Thank you so much for the water.

Erin

Alright, well, we are ready to see you here, um, and walk, come on right in. Can I have your headshot?

JPC

Uh, yeah. BAM! I'm Francis Ford Coppola. You just killed that woman! No, no, no. Come on.

Adal

I just made the sound. It's fun. Well, let's bring in another casting director.

Erin

My friend is dead.

Adal

Hold on. Come on.

Erin

All right, I'll come right in. Oh, here we go. And just go get right into it whenever you're ready.

JPC

I'm Nick Cage.

Erin

Can you show us your hands and are you willing to shave?

JPC

Here are my hands. I'm absolutely not willing to shave my hands. I need the hair on my fingers.

00:19:21

Erin

So we're talking about your facial hair? Wait, you've never had facial hair?

JPC

In Con Air I do.

Erin

Oh, really?

JPC

Yes, I'm willing to shave. It's more like stubble. Anyway... Great, and just read that first monologue, please. I'm sorry, I do not have the lines. These? This is the lines?

Adal

Yeah, just go ahead.

JPC

Boys, is it hot on this plane or is it just you, baby-o? I know you gotta get your insulin, but I gotta get Johnny 23 off your back. And it would, you know, this Danny Trejo looking motherfucker is probably- Sorry, cut real quick.

Adal

I'm sorry. Don't call the character Danny Trejo plays a Danny Trejo looking motherfucker. Did you ever see Saving Private Ryan? Didn't you think it broke the illusion of the movie when they called the character Adam Goldberg? Uh-huh. So we want to call it by the character's name. Sure, they actually called him Hebrew Hammer in that movie because they forgot the actor's name. Fun, fun, fun.

JPC

Not to correct you too much. Okay, so this is going to be Danny Trejo.

Adal

Okay, I'm just reading the script. I'm just doing what I'm doing. Sorry, and this is maybe a little too easy to do this.

00:20:23

JPC

Sure, sure.

Adal

Why don't we have you do a monologue from, let's see here, The Rock. Any one of my movies. The Rock.

JPC

Was I in that? Sure. Perfect.

Adal

Dwayne, look how big you are, man. You could be a professional wrestler. Cool, this seems to be a conversation you had with Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Yeah, is that not what you wanted? Let's do Raising Arizona. Raising Arizona, okay.

JPC

Oh man, look at all these Pampers diapers. I'm in the desert and this is a convict friend of mine who's covered in poop. I tangentially remember filming this movie. I was on a lot of cocaine. Boy, I love cocaine. How much cocaine does this movie pay? The one I'm auditioning for now. Does it pay me in cocaine? Don't interrupt me. I'm still doing Raising Air. We didn't put the camera on. The inquiring mind, thy inquiring mind, mayhaps will find, of which the capsule is lined.

Adal

So is capsule, is this like matrix? No. Red pill, blue pill? No, no, no. Of which the capsule is lined. So capsule could be like a spacecraft?

00:21:30

JPC

No, it's not, it's not. You were close with put the bunny in the box.

Adal

Was I? Box? It's from the movie Box where they have to press a button or else someone dies.

Erin

Nobody puts baby in a box.

JPC

The inquiry mind perhaps will find of which the capsule is lined. Oh boy. There's a box. There's a box.

Adal

You have an inquiring box. What's in the box?

???

What's in the box?

Adal

Seven. What's in the box?

???

Seven.

???

What's in the box?

Adal

Seven. I do that every time if I'm home when like Amazon or FedEx delivers or UPS, they'll hand it to me for signature and before I sign I'll go, what's in the box? And you're famously really funny, right?

Erin

I'm never gonna watch that movie.

Adal

I famously don't get packages anymore.

Erin

You can pay me to watch that movie.

JPC

It's a frightening movie. And also, Kevin Spacey's in it.

Erin

Holds up. Fucking nightmare.

JPC

The singular entity thy should engage in consternation with is consternation thyself. They can be only one. For God? No, no, no. These are close. The one. Thy singular entity, thy should engage in consternation with, is consternation thyself. Do or don't, there is no try. Consternation is in here twice, so there's two words that are the same in this quote.

00:22:53

Erin

What does that mean?

Adal

There's two words that are the same.

Erin

So do, it's not do or do not, there is no try.

JPC

What does consternation mean? It's like this synonym for that.

Adal

Consonation is like to think. Consonation, furrow. She's the one they call a consonation.

Erin

I don't know.

Adal

Thy singular entity. What is that? I. One. No.

Erin

One.

JPC

One solo. So, thy is... You. Me. Me, myself, and Irene. Thy singular entity. Each one of those words, like in plain speak, would be thy singular entity. Singular entity. Yeah. One. One is the longest. One thing. One thing. The one thing.

Erin

The one.

JPC

Thy singular entity. You had me at hello. No. It's just one more thing, Colombo. It starts with the one thing. Thy singular entity. The one thing. Thy should engage in consternation with is consternation.

Adal

The one thing you gotta ask yourself is, do you feel lucky? Punk. Derpy hair bee. Do you guys give up? Yeah. This is the first one that you don't get. Wait, give us a clue.

00:23:57

JPC

Who's in it or maybe was setting?

Erin

I don't think I know this movie.

JPC

Okay, I'll give you the movie. I'll give you the movie. Hold on. I have to look up what this is.

Adal

Unless we're gonna get it immediately from the movie.

JPC

I don't think you will.

Adal

What do we got here? What do we got?

JPC

You're Googling something. Well, so I know it's a quote, but I don't know what movie it's from.

Adal

It doesn't say?

JPC

Well, if I Google it, I'll get the quote.

Adal

So it starts with the thing, the one thing you have to ask yourself?

JPC

The one thing is the first part. The one thing. The singular entity that I should engage in consternation with is consternation.

Adal

The one thing you must remember, the only thing you have to fear is fear. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

JPC

It's an FDR quote, but is it from a movie? Probably from Patton or something?

Erin

Probably from Saving Patton.

JPC

Boyant as a Mariposa, Roxanne, author as a drone. This just sounds like gibberish. I mean, yeah. Well, Shakespeare had a little pop culture. Cyrano de Bruggen. Buoyant as a Mariposa, comma, Roxanne author as a drone.

00:25:07

Adal

So who wrote Roxanne? Steve Martin? No, not the movie Roxanne. Uh, Sting. Uh-huh. This is gonna sting. Buoyant as a Mariposa. Uh, Sting Foot. You're still like a butterfly sting like a bee. There you go. That's not a movie quote.

???

Sting Foot.

Adal

That is not a movie quote, is it? It's probably from a Muhammad Ali movie, but it's a quote that he said, yeah. Yeah, and he was in that movie about the two pitchers who were Siamese twins, conjoined twins. He was in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are a boxer. You are trying to brand yourself before your first fight, so you're trying to come up with like, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, you're trying to come up with your own saying or branding. And Japes is your manager.

Erin

Okay, how about this? What do you got? What do you got? Okay, I'm a horse, okay? I'm kind of like a horse.

JPC

This is the start of the mantra?

00:26:07

Erin

Yeah, I come in and you're the butt part of the horse. When I walk in- Wait, what are we doing?

JPC

We're doing our walk up?

Erin

Yeah, because this is leading up to my mantra.

JPC

Okay, got it, got it, got it. I'm the butt part of the horse. We walk in, you're a horse. I'm a horse. People are like, why is there a horse? This is a boxing match. Oh, it's a person. There's two people.

Erin

Yeah, it's two people. And then I get up there and I go, I'm not horsing around. I'm hitting people in the face with my hand.

JPC

Okay, okay. Okay. So you only have, you obviously only had the first part of that.

Erin

Okay, yeah.

JPC

I'm not horsing around.

Erin

Yeah.

JPC

And it was contingent on the fact that we wear horse costume. Right. Okay.

Erin

All right. Can you, you do one now.

JPC

What about this one? What about this one? Summer in the Hamptons, but fall to my fists.

???

I'm a sentient scoreboard and even I know that's bad.

Erin

All right. Okay. Here we go. All right.

JPC

I'm going to plug this thing. Oh, I've taken a human life. He was sentient. Oh no. What have I done? Okay. You got another one?

00:27:09

Erin

It's not winter, but I'm still wearing gloves.

JPC

Gloves I'm going to hit you with with my hands. What about this one? Is someone smuggling elephants in here? Because I'm really filling out these trunks.

Erin

That's a good one. Okay, I got one. Hit a man with your fists, you eat for a day. Teach a man with your fists, and you eat for your whole life.

JPC

I love that one.

Erin

That one's it.

JPC

You'll eat for your whole life. That's fantastic. Fourth right, thy caribou, thy shalt not bequeath thee accursed. To infinity and beyond. You're not even trying. Is that right? No.

???

What?

JPC

There's a snake in my boot. This one's hard. Forthright, thy caribou, thy shalt not bequeath thee a curse. Um, okay. Thy caribou. I don't know, thy caribou's confusing me.

Erin

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

JPC

Oh yes, nice, nice. Caribou, dear, I get it. Uh, thy may have pilfered- Wait, I want the scoreboard.

00:28:13

???

Erin's back on the board with four points.

JPC

Who plugged you back in? You died in a scene.

???

You died in a scene. If you die in a scene, you die in real life.

Erin

Oh god, I hope not.

???

We've heard each other a fucking lot on this show.

JPC

And pretty much every scene we're fucking killing.

???

One, two, just keepin' score. Alright, ready?

JPC

Thy mayhap pilfer thine vivaciousness, Thou shalt apprehend thine sovereignty.

Adal

If you steal my sunshine... Sunshine.

JPC

If you steal my sunshine... Vitamin C. This, I think, is also... their answer is misattribute. Can you say it again? Yes. Thou may have pilfered thine vivaciousness, thou shan't apprehend thine sovereignty.

Erin

Towards beauty that killed the beast. You can take my something, but you'll never take my butt. You're my hot body.

JPC

I think it's you can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom. But they've written down the answer. They can take our freedom, but they'll never take our freedom.

00:29:18

???

We'll give it to Erin. Five points! Erin, you're doing great. Thank you, sentient scoreboard. Can I just say you're also underappreciated? Oh my god. But don't listen to me. I'm drunk. Oh boy.

JPC

What did you drink, sentient scoreboard?

???

Uh, grease. Can I do a Shakespearean quote? Yeah, sure.

JPC

You do this extemporaneous school board.

???

That is what becometh of sand. Sorry, fuck. That is the precursor to glass. Sandy?

Erin

Can we open a greased theme? I think we should open a grease bar where all the drinks are like the Rizzo and it's just like a bunch of cherries and a cup.

JPC

So it's a joke bar.

Erin

No, no, no. There's real drinks, but also like every character. The Kanicki's like not allowed in the bar because he's bad, you know?

00:30:24

JPC

I'm thinking for Kanicki's.

Erin

There's like a drink that's like nobody's jugs is bigger than their necks.

Adal

Why Kanicki great till he gotta be great Rizzo.

Erin

Yeah. Okay, ready?

Adal

Oh, I love juice by Rizzo. I'm a thousand percent. That lady T-bird. What were they called? The Pinkies. The Pink Ladies.

Erin

The Pink Ladies. I was a Pink Lady, I was Jan. Brisham brasham brasham.

JPC

She's the best one. Oh, in the musical? She is the best one. Jan's fun. Thy shalt bequeath thee a bequeathment thy shan't repudiate. Kweef.

???

That is pretty funny.

JPC

Moments ago the billboard said you were underappreciated.

???

The human body's a weird thing. You can just say it, can I tell you a memory?

JPC

Sure. It was an after party for like a musical rap party. So, you know, after we had done a musical in high school, a bunch of us sat around a circle and a friend of mine, we had never heard someone queef before and we were all very silent. And then a friend of mine queefed for us and we were all like, oh.

00:31:45

Erin

I won't name names. You will never name names. The hardest I laughed, I think in a five year period, there was like tears rolling down my face, the hardest I laughed, was I was in a movement class in college and my very sweet friend who is probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen in real life. She's so funny and so great. We were in a movement class in college, like an acting movement class, so we're like doing all these crazy things.

JPC

There's a bowel movement class?

Erin

Yeah, and the teacher came over to us and he was very serious and like he didn't like laughter and she started queefing and I knew that she was doing that and we both just started crying and he had no idea why we were just like crying, laughing. It is still to this day one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Was she doing it to make you laugh? No, she couldn't help it. It was because of this moving class. You guys, you guys, everybody listening, you guys, it's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Adal

Or seen. One of the funniest things I've ever heard is this upcoming ad from one of our sponsors. We'll take a quick break, come right back with more queefs. I hope it's funny.

00:32:49

???

Hey Riddle Man. Hey Riddle Man.

???

And we're back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. Current score is Erin 5. Adal.

JPC

It's really hard to keep track of these. We're on number 14, so can that math be right? Doesn't matter. Here we go. I came back from the dead. I'm a miracle.

Erin

I'm a miracle.

JPC

We keep resetting you like the good place.

Erin

That's the cutest thing I've ever heard.

JPC

This is totally fucked.

Erin

I'm a miracle. Thank you, Erin. I'm a miracle. I'm a miracle.

???

You're not too funny until somebody loves you. Hi, I'm Ricky. And I'm here too. Oh, the family's all here. So again, I'm sentient scoreboard. Brother, introduce yourself. My name's Ricky.

Erin

I am a sentient basketball hoop. And my name's Miracle, and I'm a sentient blender. I'm a cousin. We all keep score, though. Yeah, we all keep score.

00:34:01

???

And we settle scores.

JPC

Yeah, we settle scores.

Erin

Let's get this queef one.

JPC

I almost did the voice again. Thy shalt bequeath thee a bequeathment, thy shan't repudiate. If you give a gift for give up, if you... Thy shan't repudiate I think is the important part here. If you can get that.

Adal

I'm not gonna repeat myself.

JPC

No. I'm not gonna... What does repudiate?

Erin

To repudiate means to... What's the genre of a movie?

JPC

So not what I said. I don't know.

Adal

Do your repeat date is to Pew date again? Mafia. Mafia. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't repeat.

JPC

That was too good of a hit.

???

Damn, tied up 5-5.

JPC

Thy shower retorts.

???

Anyone want a smoothie? Miracle? I would love that. Can I just say, you're a miracle. Every time I make a smoothie, it comes out all basketball. Whee! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Oh no, my basketball. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Shoot the ball. What I love people do with me is shoot, shoot, shoot. Do you hear about Nick Cage killing that casting agent? I did hear about that.

00:35:12

Erin

Crazy!

???

Well, turns out he was really apologetic and he didn't mean to do it. Oh. Strawberry smoothies? Yeah, please. Pardon my net. Is this podcast alienating?

Erin

Almost certainly.

???

Are we so far up our own asses that we've made unlistenable content? Sure, sure.

Erin

There's still one person out there that is just as weird as us. You're listening. But we're almost begging them to stop listening. We're so sorry. I'm sorry.

???

I'm a blander. I'm a sentient scoreboard. If there was a cruel god, he would stop recording this podcast. Audio Daddy?

Erin

No. Okay, another one. Serious.

JPC

Thy shalt retort. Thy shall retort. Wait, you shall not pass. No. Thy shall retort. That's good, though. That's it? Just thy shall retort.

Erin

You can't handle the truth.

JPC

Thy shall retort. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. Thine existence henceforth.

Erin

I'm going to come back. I'm going to circle back around. I'm going to make like a boomerang and come on back to where this is.

00:36:17

Adal

I want to see a scene. Yes. Erin, you are Jeebus Kysp and Jeebus Kysp and you are on the crucifix and this is getting weird. We're safe. We're still good.

Erin

How about I'm not there yet?

Adal

I'm famously not knowledgeable about the Christian faith, but doesn't Jesus come back on Easter? He's in a cave. Somebody rolls a rock and he hands him a rolling rock. He does die before that. Hands him a rolling rock! This is Jesus having one more conversation with Judas, who will be played by Japes, and you're letting Judas know basically that you'll be back, even if you shall perish.

Erin

Hey bud.

Adal

Ooh, you're chipper.

Erin

Uh, first of all, I forgive you.

JPC

Uh, I don't know what you mean. Really? Okay.

Erin

Do this?

JPC

Yeah, I did. Buddy? I did it for 30 pieces of silver.

Erin

Yeah, I want to hug it out. Because I forgive you, I'm going to die for your sins.

JPC

I don't know if I can hug you just because of kind of your arm placement.

00:37:17

Erin

Okay, just can you, I thought we would not acknowledge that, because we're trying not to offend everybody right now.

JPC

I'll just hug your post. How about that?

Erin

Um, okay bud. Hey bud.

JPC

Yeah.

Erin

I'm happy to die for your sins. Okay. I'm a good guy. No, you know what?

JPC

You're really making me feel like a piece of shit.

Erin

Well, you are kind of a piece of shit. Well, what the fuck? Are you a good guy or am I a piece of shit?

???

Can you keep it down?

JPC

Hey Barabbas, why don't you keep it down?

???

What's my name?

JPC

Barabbas and you're free. Don't wear it out.

Erin

Don't wear it out. But just, I'm going to be back, okay? I'm going to rise up. I'll be back and then I'm going to rise up.

JPC

Okay, we're going to get sued over this.

???

Wait, am I a character in Mortal Kombat? You will be back. Barakas?

JPC

No. No, no, no, you're Barabbas. The people love you.

???

Like the tricks? Barabbas?

Erin

Keep guessing. It's okay. Hey, guess what? We're cool. We're cool. I'm gonna be back. And I don't want it to be awkward when I come back. I just wanted to clear the air before I go.

00:38:19

JPC

Okay.

Erin

Happy to die for your sins.

JPC

Can I be alright with you? What? Yeah, what's up? Am I still gonna get into ancient domo? I don't know. You know what?

Erin

You know, because I'm dying for your sins, you just need to ask for forgiveness. By the way, just make sure that no one does anything hateful in the name of me. I'm actually a pretty good guy and I'm preaching love and doing good things for other people. Make sure no one homophobic or nightmarish kills anyone.

JPC

I'm only gonna be alive for like three more years because I'm already 12 and people have to be about

Erin

Can you like write it down though that like maybe don't hate people and being a Christian is about helping people?

JPC

I don't know man.

???

You're 12 years old. How old are you Barabbas?

Erin

Just make sure it's not something that like rich people use to justify terrible actions, okay?

JPC

Okay, Barabbas is hitting on me now.

Erin

I feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm worried about my legacy. I'm worried about my legacy starting to panic. Famously I fucked a loaf of bread.

JPC

Adal, you know all about Barabbas, right? It's actually Barabbas the Rapper and he had a PlayStation 1 video game. Thine existence, henceforth, be tantamount to receptacles of truffles. Chocolate.

00:39:26

Erin

Life is like a box of chocolate.

JPC

Life is like a mushroom. Life is like a bunch of mushrooms. Viracity be not with... Have either of you ever done mushrooms?

Adal

Oh yeah. I did them a few times in college and it was great. And then I did them one time when I moved to Chicago and I laid in a bathtub thinking my brain was melting.

Erin

And crying.

JPC

So I haven't done them since. I've said this many times but I feel like I've aged out of drugs because I've been sober for so long now that it's just been like... I don't think I will ever go back to drugs because I think it's just been too long. Is it six years sober? Six years, yes. It's over five years or something like that, I can't remember. That's amazing.

Erin

Do you have a mushroom experience that sticks out in your head? I've never done it.

JPC

Yeah, I've had so many fun mushroom experiences. I mean, mushrooms are a great drug, because they last a long time, and they're relatively cheap. I think it was like $35, and you're tripping for eight hours. It was phenomenal. There's so many great ones. I think I've told this one on the podcast before, but I told you about the treasure map.

00:40:32

Erin

I think you told that on a Patreon, so maybe it's...

JPC

Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle. Just go right past me like, hey dad, we're just hanging out. And just go to the basement. Your dad won't care. That's all he'll want. And he's like, no. What if he tries to talk to me? He'll know. I'll get freaked out. I can't do it. And I was like, to show you how easy it is, I will right now call my mom, who is in Hawaii at the time, I'll just call my mom and have a normal conversation with her and show you how easy it is. And so in between me doing that, I dialed my mom to call her to whatever. And in between me doing that and me remembering what the fuck I was doing, I was like, hey, mom. She's like, what's going on? I was like, not much. Oh, I'm on mushrooms right now.

00:42:16

Erin

Oh, no.

Adal

Your mom seems like the most relaxed, chill person though. She was fine with that.

JPC

No, no, no. I had done mushrooms before too.

???

Has she done mushrooms?

JPC

Has she told you like she's done mushrooms? Yes, yes. But I mean, she didn't, she never did that. She did that when she was in the college and stuff.

Erin

Did you guys ever watch the web series Dorm Life?

JPC

No.

Erin

You used to love it in high school. It's my all-time favorite web series.

Adal

Anybody we'd know in it?

Erin

Yeah, a few people. I think some of them went on to write for Arrested Development. They're all pretty big comedy writers.

JPC

Oh, wow. Yeah, I know all those writers from Arrested Development.

Erin

No, and also one of the women from Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros was an actor's sentence. She's so funny in it. But there's a quote in it that my friends and I used to say all the time, and it was a guy drunk calling his mom. And all of it, the whole clip of Cut 2 was him just going, my dick is out right now. My mom, my dick is out right now. That's awful. That just reminds me of that. I've done ayahuasca.

JPC

Okay.

00:43:18

Erin

You're a miracle.

JPC

How do you get ayahuasca into a scoreboard? I didn't ask for it. Veracity be not within thou comprehension. Um, veracity? Veracity be not within thou comprehension.

Erin

You can't handle the truth.

JPC

You can't handle the truth, yes. Nice one, Erin.

Erin

We keep guessing the better coming next.

JPC

Unearthed e route existence doth sprout. Life finds a way. Life finds a way. Nice. He's crushing these. Life finds a way. Thou shalt take with thee.

Adal

Thou shalt not pass.

JPC

Spiritual energy. Thou shalt take with thee. Soul. Spiritual energy. You got soul. You're taking spiritual energy with you. You've been served. I'm someone who's saying take the spiritual energy with you.

Adal

And also with you. Spiritual energy.

JPC

Close to that and also with you.

Adal

So what would be spiritual energy?

Erin

May the force be with you.

JPC

May the force be with you. Yeah, some of these are pretty hard.

Erin

And also with you Star Wars.

00:44:18

JPC

But also with you Star Wars. Church is Star Wars now. It's more popular. Disney bought church. Disney bought church.

Erin

Disney freaking would buy church, y'all.

JPC

Disney would buy church. And the people would start going to church. They'd be like, it's awesome.

Erin

It's Disney now. They pump cookies.

JPC

No clocks. Pumped cookies. Did you... Pumped cookies sounds like something that like a gas station tried out one weekend and it did not work.

Erin

Well I wasn't there to tell them that they were doing great.

Adal

They sell crown of thorns hats. Jase were you in the green room when Rob was talking about his daughter? Yes. This is the world news screen room. Rob's daughter is obsessed with Darth Vader. So she started watching the Star Wars movies and she's obsessed with Darth Vader and like all the villains in any Disney movie. But we for some reason started doing Cajun Darth Vader and it was like tickling me very hard.

Erin

Do you want to give us a little taste?

JPC

Adal can do good Cajun because he does gambit on the show.

???

It's just water boy.

00:45:21

Adal

Come to the back of the board. Come to the back of the Death Star. Okay, ready? All right.

Erin

Oh yeah, I kind of want to hear one more.

Adal

Yeah, let's do one more.

Erin

No, no, I want to hear one more from you.

Adal

Oh. It's dollars.

Erin

This is like... Worth it. I'm so glad I asked.

JPC

This is too dangerously close to like Jar Jar Binks actually, but manifest thee thy capital. Show me the money. Yeah. Show me the money. Momentum for thee. Show me the moonie. Show me the moonie. Momentum for Thee, an obligation you see. It's about family, fast and furious. Fast kind of is part of it. Fast times are rich my high. Spagoli. Momentum for Thee, an obligation you see.

Adal

Momentum for thee. Oh, momentum.

JPC

An obligation for momentum. I feel the need for speed. Top Gun. Damn Adal's fucking crushing it. For all of the realm, be it me at its helm. I'm the captain now. I run the world. I am the captain of the world. No, it's not the captain. I'm the king of the world. I give that one to Adal. Apprehension of thee by A or by C, including the mongrel makes three. What? One if by land and two if by... There's a dog part? There's a dog in there. I love dogs. I love dogs. Can you say it again? Apprehension of thee by era by sea, including the mongrel, makes three.

00:46:49

Adal

I'm gonna get you and your little dog too. I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too.

Erin

And I just watched Wizard of Oz.

JPC

That's from that. Thine life be not over, thou is aghast to discover. Thine has only grown bolder. Hmm. Okay.

Erin

I'm a big kid now.

JPC

Death is just the beginning of life. No. Thine life be not over. You're not there. Thou is aghast to discover. Thine is only grown bolder.

Adal

Only grown bolder.

Erin

Star.

Adal

It didn't, doesn't die.

JPC

What's the genre of movie? I don't know. I don't even know what movie this is from. Is it a quote we'd know? Yeah, you would know like every one of these quotes.

Adal

Brave, something about brave. The few, the good and the brave. I mean, some of these don't think we're movie quotes.

00:47:50

JPC

Oh, what? I don't know. I don't know if this is a movie quote. Anyway, it's what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Erin

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

JPC

Yeah, it's a Kelly Clarkson song.

Erin

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, better, faster, harder.

JPC

Before thee a course lay, an array for the way, thine elects the infrequent surveyed. What was the last wording?

Erin

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.

JPC

Is that it? No. This is not a movie quote. These must just be quotes? Some of these are just quotes. Before thee a course lay, an array for the way, thine elects thee infrequently surveyed. The path is clear. It's like about a path.

Adal

The path is clear.

JPC

But not a path.

Adal

The path, the path less chosen, the road less traveled, is a better road.

JPC

This is from Robert Frost.

Adal

Two roads and two paths and a road diverged.

00:48:51

Erin

Teach him to road for a day and he'll road for life.

JPC

Yeah, he'll road for life. Okay, this one, this one again. A stride shall be scant for a singular scamp for the sun of the masses. A hop shall be massive. And that's one giant leap from mankind.

Erin

That's one giant leap from mankind. And that's one giant leap from mankind.

Adal

I fucked it, I fucked it. Can they hear me on the moon? Speaking of hearing us on the moon, you know the moon famously has effect on waves, tidal waves. Waves are typically found where?

Erin

Do it, do it, get to it, the beach, come on, you can do it Adal, get there, get there Adal. Really? You're kind of closing. Really?

00:49:55

Adal

Fuck.

Erin

I biffed it.

Adal

I biffed it.

Erin

Okay, no, no. Go back to beach. Biff, biff, biff.

Adal

Yes, go back to the future, okay? The future of Earth would be... Heat death. Heat death, yeah. The star of heat, besides De Niro... Kilmer. Okay, you put this into a kilm to make... Rocks? Mm-hmm. And tiny rocks, if they're broken up, are... Sand. No, divorced.

Erin

Sandy's here!

Adal

Sandy is here.

JPC

Let's do a sandbox.

Erin

See? Wow, it's unseasonably warm outside. You know what I think I want to do?

Adal

What?

Erin

Play in the sandbox. Come with me!

Adal

Why are you taking your clothes off?

Erin

Oh, I've read the room wrong.

JPC

Oh, tell me we're going to Sandy Dipping.

Adal

I'm ripping my clothes off. How did you read the room wrong? It's a woman and her child are trapped in a room.

Erin

I read it from bottom to the top, right to left.

JPC

Honestly, I read the room wrong. I saw it with a friend and did not know what it was going to be about. And we get into the movie theater and I think it's like some sort of like post-apocalyptic, they're trapped in space. And then like 10 minutes in I go, Oh, is this about? And she's like, yeah.

00:51:03

Adal

And I'm like, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Hey Riddle. We don't agree with homophobia. So if I said dog wins game inherits fortune you would say air bud because it's a dog. So it sounds the same. It's like King Ralph, but for a dog. I read that movie wrong. All right, you ready?

00:52:10

???

Yes.

Adal

Here we go. Red-headed orphan carries a lot of stuff. Annie Hall. Annie Hall. Annie Hall.

Erin

That's so funny.

Adal

Destroying Phoenix and all its surroundings. Destroying Phoenix. Raising Arizona.

JPC

Wow, Adal's slaying this.

Erin

Adal, you're good at stuff like this.

JPC

You're smart, your brain's so big.

Adal

Lady finds a penny. Penny Marshall. Rich woman, pretty woman. Lady finds a penny. Sense of a woman. Sense of a woman. Adal! A rooster story. Chicken run, a rooster story. A rooster story. Rooster story. Now things are going to slow down. Because Adal can't get up. Now we're going to take it easy.

JPC

Let me give you to a chance. I know this one first. Ducktail. Chicken tail.

00:53:10

Adal

Oh, Chip and Dale. I can give you the actual movie came out. I can do that by guessing because I don't actually know. I would say 86. A Rooster story? A Rooster story. American tail. Rocky? 88. I was wrong. 88. Very close. So what are the tales, right? So Cock. American Tail. Is it Cock? Cocktail? Cocktail.

???

Cocktail with Tommy.

Adal

You've got it. Is it Cock? How many times? Is it Cock? Is it Cock? Every time I go in for my physical, the doctor checks for hernia, I go, is it Cock? Feasting, hunting, adoring. Beavers build in New York. Damn. Damn shame. Damn Yankees. Damn Yankees. I got one. I got one.

Erin

I love damn Yankees. Is it a musical? I love when a bunch of men are singing.

JPC

Huh?

Erin

That's my favorite kind of musical. A ton of men are on stage.

00:54:14

Adal

Then why do you keep going to strip clubs?

Erin

Oh, well that's a completely unrelated part of my personality. But an important part of my personality.

Adal

Procession at a canine wedding. Father of the bride. Mmm. Procession at a canine wedding.

Erin

Dog.

Adal

Five. Dog day afternoon. Dog. Procession.

Erin

What's another... My best dog's wedding. Runaway dog.

JPC

My best dog's wedding is with me. Sandy, is precession the word that we're cueing into here?

Adal

Yeah, precession's not quite a synonym for the word I'm looking for, but where does precession take place? What part of the room? Isle. Isle? Go on. Isle. I'll be home for dogmas. I love dogs. Isle of Dogs. Nice. Isle of Dogs. Remember that movie? Yeah. Yeah, it was great. I liked it. Yeah. Um, this one is a little hometown pride. Northwestern's time atop the college rankings. Northwestern's time. Wildcats? No. Northwestern's, uh, mascot. It's also an album as well as a, uh, movie. Album.

00:55:17

JPC

Northwestern's time atop the top. Would it say that one more time?

Adal

Northwestern's time atop the college rankings.

JPC

And this is Father of the Bread.

Adal

And it's also an album. I want to say it's a movie, the Marshall Mathers EP. So North Washington is famously what?

???

Chicago. Color.

Adal

Purple. Purple Rose of Cairo. Purple. The color purple.

Erin

The color purple.

Adal

Purple rain. Purple rain. See, they rain.

JPC

They rain on top.

Adal

You got it?

JPC

I see.

Adal

The waters of Lake Minnetonka. Okay, so the rest of these are ones that I got from people on Twitter. I put this theme out on Twitter.

JPC

So Sandy, you've begun to get what we do, which is run out of riddles and then have our fans right before us.

Adal

Very smart, very smart. Very savvy. Same type of game? It's exactly the same. I just want to give some credit to each one. So this is from Daniel. Conflicts between Ringo and special prosecutor Ken. What is happening here? Barbie Beatles?

00:56:26

JPC

Rockstar. Popstar.

Erin

Confessions of a teenage, probably.

JPC

Ken Starr was the Clinton prosecutor.

Adal

So if it's a conflict from Ken to Jim, what's the... What is the other one? Ringo? Ringo.

JPC

Star Wars.

Adal

Heard of it. Something with Ken. We're done.

JPC

It's Ringo. It's Ringo and Ken.

Erin

Star. Ringo Starr is his name.

Adal

Yeah, they're fighting. This is from Adam. Naturalized walking stick. Naturalized walking stick. Naturalized walking stick. Citizen Kane. Oh, that's so good.

Erin

Adal, turn off your brain. You know that thing where I hit you in the head and you're bad at these for a couple minutes?

Adal

Yeah, doctor said I have 10 concussions.

Erin

Hey Spider-Man. You're remembering that wrong. From all those concussions.

Adal

Turn off the dark my man. Doorframe is from PG. Doorframe on a rocket. Doorframe on a rocket. Oh boy.

JPC

Gravity.

Adal

What would be another name for a lean to? A doorframe. What's another word for a doorframe? I don't know.

00:57:31

Erin

Entryway.

Adal

Doorframe.

JPC

Doorframe on a rocket.

???

Doorframe on a rocket, I know. I know it's serious.

JPC

Space Jam.

Adal

Something ship. Well, no. Space Jam. Space Jam. Jam. Jam. Jam, but with a B. Jam. Yeah, Space Jam.

???

Space Jam.

Adal

Remember that movie? In Space, no one can hear you, Jam. Yep. From Michael, thieves that also stole Parsley, Sage, and Rosemary.

Erin

King.

Adal

Okay, those are all spices, right? Spice wrappers. Well, not only are they all spices, but they're all part of a quartet of spices. So what's left? Parsley, sage, and rosemary. Thyme. Thyme bandits.

Erin

Thyme bandits. That's amazing.

Adal

Fun. Biography. Who did this one? Thank you. Sabin. Biography of a cobbler. Fuck you, Sabin. Next Sabin, you piece of shit college guys.

Erin

Biography of a cobbler.

Adal

Pie. Biographical. Shoe story. Not that kind of shoe gobbler.

00:58:34

JPC

The first pie. American pie. Biographies. Life of pie. There it is. Life of pie.

Adal

Life of pie. All right. These are tricky. From Jen, we have Oolong online. T site. T web. T. Internet. Oolong online.

Erin

I like this one.

Adal

Oolong online. Dr. T and the website. So oolong online. Safari, tea safari. So what do you call something that's like an online version of something? What do you say before it? www. World Wide Web. So like if you're sending letters online, they are not mail, they are email.

Erin

Wow, that's good.

Adal

Who did that one? That was Jen.

Erin

Oh, I love that one. I want to be bruised by you, Jen.

Adal

Ooh, fucking fight me. Jen, beat the shit out of me, Jen.

Erin

This got so weird. Sorry, you guys. I think that one's my fault.

00:59:36

Adal

Reptiles cover a flat grassland from Marika. Reptiles cover a flat grassland.

Erin

Desert.

Adal

Flat grassland? Plain white T-Rexes. Plain white T-Rexes. Go on. So snakes on a plane.

JPC

There it is. I love it. Are snakes reptiles? Yeah, I saw that in theaters. Says your butt. Aren't they?

Adal

Yeah, sure. I mean, they're not fungi. They're not mammals. What else? Is there anything less? All right. What the wind did at a swimming hole What the wind did at a swimming hole? Twists. At a swimming hole.

JPC

What the wind did at a swimming hole? Oh wait, Erin knows it. Let's stop. Let's all look at Erin. It's all looking at her. Erin's got it. Here we go. Say it one more time.

Adal

One, two, three. What the wind did at a swimming hole? What the wind did at a swimming hole? The real movie came out in... did not know, I've never seen it. What's another word for swimming hole? Swimming hole. Pond? On Golden Pond? 1980 and the sequel is 1991. There's a sequel. Alien. So what does wind do except for blow? Well, what it did. What it did. Blue.

01:00:58

Erin

Blue. Blonde.

Adal

Blue jasmine. Blue jasmine. Blue waters. Blue.

Erin

Blue lagoon.

Adal

Blue lagoon. Erin got it. That was a little help from our friends.

Erin

Rinko Star Wars.

Adal

Got a few more. Guy who has possession of a visibly embarrassed star of adventures in babysitting. This is from Ryan.

Erin

What? Can you say that one more time?

Adal

Guy who has possession of a visibly embarrassed star of adventures in babysitting. Elizabeth Shue owner?

JPC

Shy, visibly embarrassed. Yeah. Who is, I don't know, the star of... Elizabeth Shue? Was it Elizabeth Shue? Yeah.

Adal

So it's the owner of Elizabeth Shoe, but she's visibly embarrassed. Yeah. Shai Shoe. So if... Red Shoe. Red Shoe Diaries. Red Shoe. Red Shoes, right? The Red Shoes. The Red Shoes. Martin Scorsese's favorite film. Oh no, it's not. It's a movie with the title, we maybe don't know this movie. Red Shoe.

JPC

No, we got it.

01:01:58

Adal

The Red Shoes of Cairo. It's with Tom Hanks. Oh. 1985. Yeah, Sleepless in the Red Shoe. It's the man with one red shoe away. The man with one red shoe. I don't know that one.

Erin

I don't know that one. I don't know that one.

Adal

I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.

Erin

I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.

Adal

I don't know that one. I don't know that one.

JPC

I don't know that one.

Adal

I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.

???

I don't know

Adal

Urotic recordings, ASMR, snuff, alkaline solutions, battery juice, alkaline solutions would be acids. Salt water? It's like an acid. Acid? It's like an acid. Poison. Acid.

JPC

Acid.

Adal

Erosion. Mercury.

JPC

Erotic what?

Adal

Erotic recordings developed in alkaline solutions.

JPC

Sex poison videos here. You got it.

Adal

Nice. There it is. All right, last one. This is my favorite from Violet. Angry Apple Computers. Mad Max. Boom.

Erin

Boom. That's such a good one.

01:02:59

Adal

That's from who? Violet.

JPC

Violet.

Erin

Well done, Violet.

Adal

Violet, you're turning violet.

JPC

I want you to find me Violet wherever I am in the world and just beat the crap out of me. Just fucking fight me.

Adal

Our fans can fucking fight me.

Erin

Sandy, these are amazing.

JPC

Sandy, these are so great. Thank you so much to all of the contributors.

Erin

Anything to plug.

Adal

Oh yeah, what are you up to? Yeah, you can always find me on Twitter at PZLR. I post puzzles there every day, every weekday. And then mysteryleague.com is where you can learn about all the games that I make which are available for corporate team building. If you're in Chicago, you should check out the Escapes Outpost in the basement of the Games Cafe, where The Last Defender is being run, as well as Nobita Lodestar, which is a new game that we've made. Oh yeah. Very cool. Yeah. And where can people buy sandbox shirts? Mm-hmm. You open up the trunk of your car and you show that you have too many... I have one. I'm wearing it. I've been wearing it for a year, waiting for people to ask me to... So you can buy that for $1,000. Perfect. And let me just say, it stinks. Please take it off me. Thank you so much. We're going to put you back inside this bottle. We're going to cork it up and we're going to toss Sandy into the ocean.

01:04:11

Erin

And if we're meant to find him again, then we'll find him again.

Adal

Bye. Bye.

JPC

Bye Sandy, have fun in hell motherfucker. Bye Sandy. He's with his son.

Erin

A fan? Drew, you know what, let me look it up because it's important. A fan Drew.

JPC

So a fan Drew, and that's all we'll hear of that until later. Adal, you have anything to plug?

Adal

Yes, I want to say to check out Magic Tavern has a bunch of content at Stitcher Premium. We have offices and bosses season three. We have a Spintac series. We have a board game series called Earth Games where we play Earth games. One of the guests is our own Erin Keif. Erin, what did we play? We played something. We played Clue? No, Monopoly? I can't remember.

Erin

Oh, with me? We played Life.

Adal

We played the game of life.

Erin

And Momo was an athlete.

Adal

Momo was an athlete.

Erin

And we played Skategories.

Adal

And Skategories. So Erin's on two episodes, I forgot. So please check out that. It's on Stitcher Premium. I also want to give a quick shout out to the Instagram for my kippies. That's fries and brisket. The Instagram handle is friesandbrisket. My girlfriend Gemma runs that account. And you can slowly see brisket or newer kitten getting fatter and fatter.

01:05:31

Erin

This is a note about Sandy. So a fan, their Twitter handle is moxiebottle. They drew us as the Heathers, which is hysterical. Oh, I love that piece of art. A listener named my name is Grant said, I think that makes Sandy Veronica and that feels right. And that made me laugh really hard. I was like, oh my God, we just corrupt Sandy.

JPC

Do you have anything you want to play? You can follow me on Twitter at JPsofly. I will never tweet anything funny, but I will scream at liberals. So if you enjoy that, that's where you can find me.

Erin

That's just the internet now. Follow me, Erin Keif, too, on Twitter and Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and watch my web series. It's called Welcome Back. You can find the link in my bio on my Instagram or just type in Welcome Back, Erin Keif, into YouTube and you can see all the episodes.

JPC

And again, I just want to give a straight up shout out to Damien from Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Damien, thank you so much for submitting these.

01:06:32

???

The entire episode of Riddles.

JPC

These were fun.

???

Did I ever tell you guys where my home planet is? Oh, where is it? Can I guess?

JPC

Well, let me guess first. Pluto.

???

No.

JPC

Not a planet.

Erin

Jupiter? Yeah, Jupiter.

JPC

Wow, second guess.

Erin

I'll be at all.

???

Bye forever. I guess it's just me. What do we talk about now?

JPC

Casey cut it. Huh? Play the music over this, Casey.

???

I have so much to say.

JPC

No, you don't.

???

I have ideas for podcasts.

JPC

Unplug? What's the unplug?

???

What if there's a podcast? Jupiter, bye forever. And it's three friends talking about movies.

???

And John Patrick Coan, Casey Tony could be editing.

???

Have already parented the music.

Erin

That was a Headgum podcast.