This is a Headgum podcast.
00:00:02
Erin
This is a Headgum podcast.
JPC
Hey Riddle Riddle is the name of this podcast and we're going to be doing a live show of this podcast in Los Angeles, Sunday, May 17th at 7pm at Dynasty typewriter. If you want to go to the show, you should buy tickets headgum.com slash live. And if we sell out all of the early show, we may be adding a secret late show and you know, we get dirty at the late show. We don't actually get dirty at the late show. Bring your kids. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, something were going to finish.
???
It was the habit of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icing. And the horse came riding.
Adal
Hey, sorry, why don't you just have a seat. Erin and Japes and I want to talk to you. Sorry, this is hard as your host. As your podcast host, this is hard, but we were looking under your bed and we found some riddles. Now, we're not mad.
00:01:17
JPC
And it's not bad. We're not mad. And you did nothing wrong.
Erin
Disappointed.
Adal
We're more disappointed than mad.
Erin
We're more disappointed than mad.
Adal
There are no good riddles. Don't be embarrassed. Or if you want to do riddles, do them with us. And if you have questions, we want you to ask. Yeah, and I hope you're using protection. I hope you're using protection.
Erin
And if you want to talk about anything, email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.gov. No weird sex stuff, just riddles.
JPC
Just riddles. And if you're thinking about trying and doing riddles, honestly, I'd rather you do them at home.
Erin
Yeah, we would just drive all over town.
JPC
That's what I said just moments ago.
Adal
With riddles and reiterating.
Erin
And I'm going to be the first to say this. If you're going to do riddles, we would rather you do them at home.
Adal
I already said that.
Erin
But we love you. We love you so much. We're just a little bit disappointed that you're doing riddles because riddles are bad.
Adal
And we support you. Yes, and we love you. We support you. But we'll never be able to see you the same way again, if that makes sense?
Erin
Yes. That does make sense. Riddles are bad.
Adal
Here is some porn.
00:02:20
???
We want you to go up to your room.
JPC
Here's some cocaine. And we want you to pour the cocaine on the porn.
Erin
And then drink a beer.
JPC
Have fun.
Erin
Okay, no more riddles.
JPC
Have fun. Have safe fun. Have safe fun. Good, clean, safe.
Erin
And JPC, are you old man puzzles today?
JPC
And I'm your dad, JPC. We have to introduce ourselves. I'm your dad, JPC.
Erin
I'm your lamp, Erin.
JPC
And I'm your uncle, kitty cat. Yes, everyone knows this podcast is hosted by JBC, Erin, and Kitty Cat.
Adal
I mean Erin said she was a lamp, come on.
Erin
Everyone knew I was a lamp. A lamp with a wig. A wig melted under the lamp.
Adal
Does the wig match the lamp? I think the new catchphrase for this show is, no weird sex stuff, just riddles.
Erin
Good point.
JPC
Just so you know, we are going to get emails with weird sex stuff.
Erin
No, don't. Seriously guys don't.
JPC
I'm going to break out if you do that. I read these emails. Also, you know, a few weeks ago, maybe like a month ago on the show, we asked people to send us some proposal stories and people sent us their proposal stories. Some of them were pretty fun.
00:03:27
Erin
Any standouts?
JPC
One of them in particular was awful, like they did a bad job and they are lucky that their partner said yes to their proposal. But man oh man, proposal stories. They were a lot of fun. Thank you so much for sending them in, if you did send them in. And I cannot stress this enough. Do not send us weird sex stuff.
Erin
Okay, if you do, I'm going to post your email on the internet and tell people to find you and destroy you. Along with you.
JPC
Along with pictures of your feet?
Erin
No, no more jokes and pictures about my feet.
Adal
Goodbye. Pictures about your feet? Yes. Erin just walked through the desk.
Erin
Yeah, I'm walking over this escalator that gets out of the studio. Bye guys.
Adal
I will be honest.
Erin
I'll be escalator going up.
Adal
Now she's base jumping off the top of this mall. See you later. Do not send, no one can hear you that far away.
JPC
Do not send pictures of Erin's feet, but if you send pictures about Erin's feet, I don't know what that means.
Erin
This is Casey's Nightmare, but it's a test. Ready?
00:04:29
Adal
Okay, Erin is running into the corner. She's pulling a Blair Witch. Okay, she's asking if Kasey can hear her. Sorry, Audio Daddy is motioning kind of. Kasey looks very confused.
JPC
Sorry guys, that was for science. Thank you Audio Daddy. Okay, so I am Old Man Puzzles today and I do have some puzzles and riddles for you to try in a safe space. Okay, let's try it. These are actually some of them are puzzles, some of them are hurdles, and some of them this first one that we're gonna do is more like I guess like a kind of a game. And this is something that a listener sent in. This is from, did they say that I could use? Yeah, they said Damien from Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Erin, do you know where Pittsfield is?
Erin
Sort of.
JPC
Great. Massachusetts is not that big. You should know vaguely where Pittsfield is.
Erin
West.
JPC
Okay, good. That's way better than East because East is the water. So this is, Damon from Pittsfield says, Hey guys, I came up with a game where I take famous movie quotes, convert them to Shakespearean language, and your job is to convert them back. They also say, have fun.
00:05:36
Erin
Okay, we will.
Adal
Couldn't you have just not converted them?
Erin
And just JPC reads movie quotes?
Adal
Yeah, just read the movie quotes and we'll applaud you.
Erin
Yes. That sounds... Okay, go over to our Patreon.
JPC
We're gonna do that. I'm so sorry, Damien. This is a better game. I'm just gonna read movie quotes. We're gonna do it for an hour and a half and that'll be the fucking podcast now. Why'd you make our podcast longer? I mean, if it's gonna get better, it's gonna get longer.
Adal
Is that what you tell everybody?
Erin
I'm ready.
Adal
Okay.
JPC
Oh, and then I forgot that I get to say these in Shakespeare.
Adal
This is my audition for improv Shakespeare. For anybody who can't see, which is most people, uh, Japes is putting on pantaloons. He's pulling up his socks. He is putting on some sort of, uh, long sleeve billowy shirt.
Erin
So far it's just business as usual.
Adal
Putting on a backwards chicken onto his head. I business in the front and business in the back. I'm gonna be playing business soon.
Erin
Business as usual.
JPC
Uh, addressing thee, thy utterance be. Call me by your name. Addressing thee, thy utterance be?
00:06:41
Erin
Are you talking to me?
???
Yeah.
JPC
Oh, it's movie quotes. I'm sorry. I thought it was movie titles. It is movie quotes, not movie titles, and that is correct. Erin, you have one point. It's are you talking to me?
Erin
Sound effect of me getting a point. I got a point. No, stop it.
JPC
That's it.
Erin
Adal, no, Adal.
Adal
Refugee beckoning dwelling. Refugee beckoning dwelling. Refugee beckoning dwelling. So a dwelling that would beckon refugees would be like a hostel, and that's a movie from Eli Roth, but we're going for quotes, not movies.
JPC
You're really good at the thing that we're not doing.
Erin
Wait, can you say it again?
JPC
Refugee beckoning dwelling. This is really funny. Yeah, I think you just have to break down each one of the words. I'm the captain now. No. I am the captain now. Dwelling is like a house. Yes. Or home. Home.
Erin
There's no place like home.
JPC
Refugee. No, the refugee. So refugee beckoning home.
00:07:42
Adal
Refugee beckoning home.
Erin
I want to go home, something like home.
JPC
Yeah, very close.
Adal
There's no place like home.
JPC
No. What's a more modern way to beckon someone? Uh, Scientology. What's that? Flirt? No.
Erin
Call.
JPC
Yes. E.T.
Erin
phone home. E.T.
???
phone home. Erin has two points. This is me, sentient scoreboard.
Erin
New favorite character.
JPC
I'm looking for a new way to say that every time she gets a point. Be that our prey is prodigious, our barge must be humongous. We're going to need a bigger boat. We're going to need a bigger boat.
Erin
I am the Adal Pint. Hello, there's one of me now.
Adal
Bobcat Goldtweet? Shut up. Get away from the sentient scoreboard.
JPC
An appearance made granted that a structure be laid. If you build it, they will come. Is that it?
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
I was motioning to you to give more points.
Erin
I seconded. Here I come. There's two of me now.
00:08:43
JPC
Okay. It's all tied up. That's not like Yoda. Uh, although thy a babe, they thought to be brave, that a revenant peeped sans grave.
Erin
What? I'm too hot to die. I'm too hot to die. I'm too hot to die.
JPC
I don't remember what movie I'm too hot to die in, so I want to see a little scene from Saving Private Ryan.
???
I'm too hot to die.
JPC
My bad, my bad. I want to see a scene from Saving Private Ryan. Thank you for reminding me. Erid, you're going to be playing Private Ryan. And then Adal, you're going to be playing some of the soldier corps sent to rescue Private Ryan.
Adal
I believe there's a who's in there. So you want me to play fellow soldiers who mean this private no harm to elicit the phrase, I'm too hot to die?
Erin
No, no, no, no. I'll make it make sense. Relax. Hey, you guys, come here quickly. Come here, guys. Come here. Come here.
Adal
Oh hey, we haven't met before. We better introduce ourselves. My name is Tex.
00:09:45
JPC
My name is... I'm the guy from the Fast and the Furious movies.
Erin
You can just call me by my last name, Ryan. You guys, I called you over here because look at this mirror. I just kind of glimpsed of myself in this mirror. I don't think I can go out there. I'm too hot to die. I don't think I can like go on that beach with you guys. I can't go to the beach with you guys because I think I'm like a little too much.
Adal
Stop calling it going to the beach with us. That's gonna be a dead stop.
Erin
I know that's what I'm saying I can't do a dead stop.
Adal
No what I'm trying to say is there's a dead soldier in front of you stop.
Erin
You're marching along like it's Disney World. This is proving my point. He looks pretty hot too. I gotta stay.
JPC
You think you're hotter than this dead guy?
Erin
Let's see. Yes. You think you're hotter than this guy? Look at me. Look at me. Well, let me give you a spin. And washboard abs. This guy looks like the guy... What do you think a spin is?
Adal
You just twirled around and flipped your shirt up.
Erin
Yeah.
Adal
Well, this guy looks like Rudolph Auntino. He's pretty hot. Yeah, and this guy looks like the guy from Hebrew Hammer. What's that actor's name? Adam Goldberg. He was insane for Trevor Ryan. Sure, he gets stabbed while the guy goes, I hate that scene.
00:10:53
JPC
That scene's the fucking worst. No, you didn't get this one. Although thy a babe, thy thought to be brave, a revenant peeped sans grave. The fuck? Sound like a hot?
Erin
Pretty?
Adal
No.
JPC
Pretty woman walking down the street. So the one that you really want to clue into is a revenant peeped sans grave.
Adal
Nobody peeps baby in a corner.
JPC
A revenant peeped sans grave. This is a famous movie line.
Adal
Okay, here's looking at you kid. Play it again grave.
JPC
You're peeping at a revenant out of the grave.
Adal
There's no crying in burials. You're peeping at Revenant. So Revenant is like a Tom Hardy angel. It's like a bear that tries to eat you. You're viewing someone who has been deceased. Okay. I see dead people.
00:11:55
JPC
It's another point for Adal.
Erin
Oh God, there's three of me now. It's hard to fit up here. It's a bunch of kids standing where a scoreboard would be.
JPC
A quandary had wearing an overcoat. A quandary had on the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad.
Adal
Earth girls are easy.
JPC
Earth.
Adal
A quandary had on the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad. This better not be. I have no clue. I hope that that's in here, but I didn't read ahead.
Erin
I don't know.
Adal
Can you read it one more time? A quandary had. So question. On the earth be bad. On the earth be bad. But in the heavens it is sad. Bad boys for life. This one's harder, I think. Can you give me a hint? Oh, is this from Independence Day?
JPC
No, but you're close. Is this from Alien? No. Again, you're in kind of the right
Adal
It's like a blockbuster alien film.
00:12:57
Erin
Is Question the right thing?
JPC
Uh, no.
Adal
Oh, okay. So like a puzzle?
JPC
Quandary won't help you really. On the earth be bad, but in the heavens it is sad. Because that's where I think you were getting like the alien thing, but that's where we are. Like it's... think space.
Adal
Think space. Oh, uh, is this from Star Wars?
JPC
No, not Star Wars. It's a very famous movie quote.
Adal
Um, and it's from space. We already had E.T. Famous space movies. It's gonna be, better be Interstellar? I think this is the most famous space movie.
JPC
I think this is a Tom Hanks line.
Adal
I believe it's a Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks in space? Apollo 13, Houston we have a problem.
JPC
Houston we have a problem.
Adal
We have a problem. That's for Adal. I just got back the other day from Houston where I played with my friends, Ann and Chris Lukeman, who, you know, they did the escape room that we did on the Patreon. They booked four escape games and we did four escape games in like 48 hours. And the first one we did, they asked for a team name. And so the team name I came up with that everyone adults me with was Houston. We have a solved them. Oh boy.
00:14:05
Erin
Oh you're fun.
Adal
You're one of those guys. We also did a Houston.
Erin
Did you like Houston? I love Houston.
Adal
It was weird. It's very spread out and there's parts of it like there's a lot of like there's a place called Spaghetti Western we pass which looks like an original Cracker Barrel. Like what Cracker Barrel is going for but with a weird Texan Italian theme? We had a place called Cavatori, which was amazing. We had amazing Viet Cajun food. Which is a little different around here. It's just very weird.
Erin
I lived there for a summer. Really? I did. And then I also, my sister went to Rice, so I've been there a bunch. And I'm going there for a wedding in like two months.
Adal
It was, I think if you know where to look, it's fun. But as a tourist, we were frustrated at times. But we went to the cisterns, if you ever, that was very cool.
Erin
I worked at Houston Shakespeare Festival for summer. If you ever, those shows are absolutely incredible. If you live in Texas, you want to go check them out.
Adal
Famously, Shakespeare is bigger in Texas. That's true. And speaking of Shakespeare, good thing. Yeah, if I can put it on your plate for you. Right there.
Erin
Eat it up.
JPC
Eat it up, Piggy. I'm afraid my dear, with the stick and the sphere, bereavement
00:15:08
Adal
Shun't be seen here. There's no crying in baseball. There's no crying in baseball.
Erin
I can't, you anticipated that one.
Adal
Wow. Oh, I forgot to mention, we also did an escape room called Houston We Have a Problem, which was a reenactment of the Apollo 13 mission. Oh. And three people are astronauts, and the rest of people are in mission control. Did you get out? We got out, but I will say we played with people who, Anne and Chris's friends, who work for mission control for NASA, so it was not fair. Oh.
Erin
Wait, did they play the astronauts?
Adal
No, they played Mission Control.
Erin
That's so sad. Let them do the opposite of what they do all day.
Adal
It was super fun and it's less of a like finding keys or anything and more of like you have to reenact what Apollo 13 did.
JPC
I would hate that like that's that would be like if I for fun went and did a UFC fight. It's like I do that shit for work all day long. What do you think you do for a living?
Erin
Where do you think you are right now?
JPC
Oh, I have a guy who was worth a million dollars beat the shit out of me.
Adal
You guys gonna say for a living you get your ass whooped?
JPC
Acknowledge thy scant cohort.
00:16:09
Adal
Acknowledge my scant cohort?
JPC
Acknowledge thy scant cohort. Friend?
Erin
You've got a friend in me.
JPC
Acknowledge my scant cohort.
Erin
Say hello to my little friend! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b
JPC
The inquiry mind mayhaps will find of which the capsule is lined.
Erin
I'm out.
JPC
Oh, I know. Oh, do you really?
???
Why couldn't you put the bunny down?
JPC
Dude, it's so close, but it's not that. That's a great one. But it's Nick Cage or it's Con Air? It's not Nick Cage.
Erin
It's not Con Air. Except all those famous Con Air clothes.
JPC
Sorry, Nicko. I could go, I could go on.
Adal
What could you just put the bunny down? We need to do, that's your favorite movie. We need to do a Hey Riddle Riddle live stream.
JPC
Are you Vince Larkin? Cause I got a body here with your name written all over it.
Erin
How much of that movie do you think you could do?
JPC
I could do 100% of the lines of that movie. Me and Colin Dahlgren watched that movie once, and we just said it every line before they said it.
00:17:13
Adal
Here's the biggest question for you, JPC. As someone who's seen that movie 20 times myself, what do you think happens between Steve Buscemi and that little kid?
JPC
Nothing. That little kid is fine, Steve Buscemi leaves that little kid alone. Steve Buscemi has bigger fish to kill.
Erin
I want to see a scene. Before we see a scene, I would love to see a scene, but can you just give me the first few lines of dialogue from that movie if you remember what they are?
JPC
The first few, oh man, it has been a while since I've seen that, the first few lines of dialogue from that movie. So I don't know what they, I couldn't tell them, I couldn't say it for sure, but the first lines of dialogue in that movie, it opens with Nicolas Cage being trained as an Army Ranger, and it's the Army Ranger guy giving a speech about what Army Rangers are, and I think he says something about how their hands are deadly weapons, or maybe that's the judge who sentences him. That's so cool. That their hands are deadly weapons. I wish I could. I would love to do a podcast where I watch that every day for a year. Are the hands already a podcast? I would. But for Con Air? Yeah. Really?
Adal
No. They're like, they're like, yeah, yeah.
00:18:15
Erin
Let's do it.
Adal
We'll call it hot air. Dead air. Let's see a scene. Sure. Japis, I want you to be Nicholas Cage, and you're auditioning for Con Air, but you're fucking Nicholas Cage, so you've never had to audition before, so you didn't read the script beforehand, and now you're bullshitting your way through it.
JPC
Thank you so much for having me here.
Erin
Uh, we're actually, the audition room is right over here. You're still in the lobby.
JPC
I'm talking to the water cooler. It's so nice to meet you! Blub blub blub blub. Make your acquaintance. Blub blub blub. Thank you so much for the water.
Erin
Alright, well, we are ready to see you here, um, and walk, come on right in. Can I have your headshot?
JPC
Uh, yeah. BAM! I'm Francis Ford Coppola. You just killed that woman! No, no, no. Come on.
Adal
I just made the sound. It's fun. Well, let's bring in another casting director.
Erin
My friend is dead.
Adal
Hold on. Come on.
Erin
All right, I'll come right in. Oh, here we go. And just go get right into it whenever you're ready.
JPC
I'm Nick Cage.
Erin
Can you show us your hands and are you willing to shave?
JPC
Here are my hands. I'm absolutely not willing to shave my hands. I need the hair on my fingers.
00:19:21
Erin
So we're talking about your facial hair? Wait, you've never had facial hair?
JPC
In Con Air I do.
Erin
Oh, really?
JPC
Yes, I'm willing to shave. It's more like stubble. Anyway... Great, and just read that first monologue, please. I'm sorry, I do not have the lines. These? This is the lines?
Adal
Yeah, just go ahead.
JPC
Boys, is it hot on this plane or is it just you, baby-o? I know you gotta get your insulin, but I gotta get Johnny 23 off your back. And it would, you know, this Danny Trejo looking motherfucker is probably- Sorry, cut real quick.
Adal
I'm sorry. Don't call the character Danny Trejo plays a Danny Trejo looking motherfucker. Did you ever see Saving Private Ryan? Didn't you think it broke the illusion of the movie when they called the character Adam Goldberg? Uh-huh. So we want to call it by the character's name. Sure, they actually called him Hebrew Hammer in that movie because they forgot the actor's name. Fun, fun, fun.
JPC
Not to correct you too much. Okay, so this is going to be Danny Trejo.
Adal
Okay, I'm just reading the script. I'm just doing what I'm doing. Sorry, and this is maybe a little too easy to do this.
00:20:23
JPC
Sure, sure.
Adal
Why don't we have you do a monologue from, let's see here, The Rock. Any one of my movies. The Rock.
JPC
Was I in that? Sure. Perfect.
Adal
Dwayne, look how big you are, man. You could be a professional wrestler. Cool, this seems to be a conversation you had with Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Yeah, is that not what you wanted? Let's do Raising Arizona. Raising Arizona, okay.
JPC
Oh man, look at all these Pampers diapers. I'm in the desert and this is a convict friend of mine who's covered in poop. I tangentially remember filming this movie. I was on a lot of cocaine. Boy, I love cocaine. How much cocaine does this movie pay? The one I'm auditioning for now. Does it pay me in cocaine? Don't interrupt me. I'm still doing Raising Air. We didn't put the camera on. The inquiring mind, thy inquiring mind, mayhaps will find, of which the capsule is lined.
Adal
So is capsule, is this like matrix? No. Red pill, blue pill? No, no, no. Of which the capsule is lined. So capsule could be like a spacecraft?
00:21:30
JPC
No, it's not, it's not. You were close with put the bunny in the box.
Adal
Was I? Box? It's from the movie Box where they have to press a button or else someone dies.
Erin
Nobody puts baby in a box.
JPC
The inquiry mind perhaps will find of which the capsule is lined. Oh boy. There's a box. There's a box.
Adal
You have an inquiring box. What's in the box?
???
What's in the box?
Adal
Seven. What's in the box?
???
Seven.
???
What's in the box?
Adal
Seven. I do that every time if I'm home when like Amazon or FedEx delivers or UPS, they'll hand it to me for signature and before I sign I'll go, what's in the box? And you're famously really funny, right?
Erin
I'm never gonna watch that movie.
Adal
I famously don't get packages anymore.
Erin
You can pay me to watch that movie.
JPC
It's a frightening movie. And also, Kevin Spacey's in it.
Erin
Holds up. Fucking nightmare.
JPC
The singular entity thy should engage in consternation with is consternation thyself. They can be only one. For God? No, no, no. These are close. The one. Thy singular entity, thy should engage in consternation with, is consternation thyself. Do or don't, there is no try. Consternation is in here twice, so there's two words that are the same in this quote.
00:22:53
Erin
What does that mean?
Adal
There's two words that are the same.
Erin
So do, it's not do or do not, there is no try.
JPC
What does consternation mean? It's like this synonym for that.
Adal
Consonation is like to think. Consonation, furrow. She's the one they call a consonation.
Erin
I don't know.
Adal
Thy singular entity. What is that? I. One. No.
Erin
One.
JPC
One solo. So, thy is... You. Me. Me, myself, and Irene. Thy singular entity. Each one of those words, like in plain speak, would be thy singular entity. Singular entity. Yeah. One. One is the longest. One thing. One thing. The one thing.
Erin
The one.
JPC
Thy singular entity. You had me at hello. No. It's just one more thing, Colombo. It starts with the one thing. Thy singular entity. The one thing. Thy should engage in consternation with is consternation.
Adal
The one thing you gotta ask yourself is, do you feel lucky? Punk. Derpy hair bee. Do you guys give up? Yeah. This is the first one that you don't get. Wait, give us a clue.
00:23:57
JPC
Who's in it or maybe was setting?
Erin
I don't think I know this movie.
JPC
Okay, I'll give you the movie. I'll give you the movie. Hold on. I have to look up what this is.
Adal
Unless we're gonna get it immediately from the movie.
JPC
I don't think you will.
Adal
What do we got here? What do we got?
JPC
You're Googling something. Well, so I know it's a quote, but I don't know what movie it's from.
Adal
It doesn't say?
JPC
Well, if I Google it, I'll get the quote.
Adal
So it starts with the thing, the one thing you have to ask yourself?
JPC
The one thing is the first part. The one thing. The singular entity that I should engage in consternation with is consternation.
Adal
The one thing you must remember, the only thing you have to fear is fear. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
JPC
It's an FDR quote, but is it from a movie? Probably from Patton or something?
Erin
Probably from Saving Patton.
JPC
Boyant as a Mariposa, Roxanne, author as a drone. This just sounds like gibberish. I mean, yeah. Well, Shakespeare had a little pop culture. Cyrano de Bruggen. Buoyant as a Mariposa, comma, Roxanne author as a drone.
00:25:07
Adal
So who wrote Roxanne? Steve Martin? No, not the movie Roxanne. Uh, Sting. Uh-huh. This is gonna sting. Buoyant as a Mariposa. Uh, Sting Foot. You're still like a butterfly sting like a bee. There you go. That's not a movie quote.
???
Sting Foot.
Adal
That is not a movie quote, is it? It's probably from a Muhammad Ali movie, but it's a quote that he said, yeah. Yeah, and he was in that movie about the two pitchers who were Siamese twins, conjoined twins. He was in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I want to see a scene. Erin, you are a boxer. You are trying to brand yourself before your first fight, so you're trying to come up with like, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, you're trying to come up with your own saying or branding. And Japes is your manager.
Erin
Okay, how about this? What do you got? What do you got? Okay, I'm a horse, okay? I'm kind of like a horse.
JPC
This is the start of the mantra?
00:26:07
Erin
Yeah, I come in and you're the butt part of the horse. When I walk in- Wait, what are we doing?
JPC
We're doing our walk up?
Erin
Yeah, because this is leading up to my mantra.
JPC
Okay, got it, got it, got it. I'm the butt part of the horse. We walk in, you're a horse. I'm a horse. People are like, why is there a horse? This is a boxing match. Oh, it's a person. There's two people.
Erin
Yeah, it's two people. And then I get up there and I go, I'm not horsing around. I'm hitting people in the face with my hand.
JPC
Okay, okay. Okay. So you only have, you obviously only had the first part of that.
Erin
Okay, yeah.
JPC
I'm not horsing around.
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
And it was contingent on the fact that we wear horse costume. Right. Okay.
Erin
All right. Can you, you do one now.
JPC
What about this one? What about this one? Summer in the Hamptons, but fall to my fists.
???
I'm a sentient scoreboard and even I know that's bad.
Erin
All right. Okay. Here we go. All right.
JPC
I'm going to plug this thing. Oh, I've taken a human life. He was sentient. Oh no. What have I done? Okay. You got another one?
00:27:09
Erin
It's not winter, but I'm still wearing gloves.
JPC
Gloves I'm going to hit you with with my hands. What about this one? Is someone smuggling elephants in here? Because I'm really filling out these trunks.
Erin
That's a good one. Okay, I got one. Hit a man with your fists, you eat for a day. Teach a man with your fists, and you eat for your whole life.
JPC
I love that one.
Erin
That one's it.
JPC
You'll eat for your whole life. That's fantastic. Fourth right, thy caribou, thy shalt not bequeath thee accursed. To infinity and beyond. You're not even trying. Is that right? No.
???
What?
JPC
There's a snake in my boot. This one's hard. Forthright, thy caribou, thy shalt not bequeath thee a curse. Um, okay. Thy caribou. I don't know, thy caribou's confusing me.
Erin
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
JPC
Oh yes, nice, nice. Caribou, dear, I get it. Uh, thy may have pilfered- Wait, I want the scoreboard.
00:28:13
???
Erin's back on the board with four points.
JPC
Who plugged you back in? You died in a scene.
???
You died in a scene. If you die in a scene, you die in real life.
Erin
Oh god, I hope not.
???
We've heard each other a fucking lot on this show.
JPC
And pretty much every scene we're fucking killing.
???
One, two, just keepin' score. Alright, ready?
JPC
Thy mayhap pilfer thine vivaciousness, Thou shalt apprehend thine sovereignty.
Adal
If you steal my sunshine... Sunshine.
JPC
If you steal my sunshine... Vitamin C. This, I think, is also... their answer is misattribute. Can you say it again? Yes. Thou may have pilfered thine vivaciousness, thou shan't apprehend thine sovereignty.
Erin
Towards beauty that killed the beast. You can take my something, but you'll never take my butt. You're my hot body.
JPC
I think it's you can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom. But they've written down the answer. They can take our freedom, but they'll never take our freedom.
00:29:18
???
We'll give it to Erin. Five points! Erin, you're doing great. Thank you, sentient scoreboard. Can I just say you're also underappreciated? Oh my god. But don't listen to me. I'm drunk. Oh boy.
JPC
What did you drink, sentient scoreboard?
???
Uh, grease. Can I do a Shakespearean quote? Yeah, sure.
JPC
You do this extemporaneous school board.
???
That is what becometh of sand. Sorry, fuck. That is the precursor to glass. Sandy?
Erin
Can we open a greased theme? I think we should open a grease bar where all the drinks are like the Rizzo and it's just like a bunch of cherries and a cup.
JPC
So it's a joke bar.
Erin
No, no, no. There's real drinks, but also like every character. The Kanicki's like not allowed in the bar because he's bad, you know?
00:30:24
JPC
I'm thinking for Kanicki's.
Erin
There's like a drink that's like nobody's jugs is bigger than their necks.
Adal
Why Kanicki great till he gotta be great Rizzo.
Erin
Yeah. Okay, ready?
Adal
Oh, I love juice by Rizzo. I'm a thousand percent. That lady T-bird. What were they called? The Pinkies. The Pink Ladies.
Erin
The Pink Ladies. I was a Pink Lady, I was Jan. Brisham brasham brasham.
JPC
She's the best one. Oh, in the musical? She is the best one. Jan's fun. Thy shalt bequeath thee a bequeathment thy shan't repudiate. Kweef.
???
That is pretty funny.
JPC
Moments ago the billboard said you were underappreciated.
???
The human body's a weird thing. You can just say it, can I tell you a memory?
JPC
Sure. It was an after party for like a musical rap party. So, you know, after we had done a musical in high school, a bunch of us sat around a circle and a friend of mine, we had never heard someone queef before and we were all very silent. And then a friend of mine queefed for us and we were all like, oh.
00:31:45
Erin
I won't name names. You will never name names. The hardest I laughed, I think in a five year period, there was like tears rolling down my face, the hardest I laughed, was I was in a movement class in college and my very sweet friend who is probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen in real life. She's so funny and so great. We were in a movement class in college, like an acting movement class, so we're like doing all these crazy things.
JPC
There's a bowel movement class?
Erin
Yeah, and the teacher came over to us and he was very serious and like he didn't like laughter and she started queefing and I knew that she was doing that and we both just started crying and he had no idea why we were just like crying, laughing. It is still to this day one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Was she doing it to make you laugh? No, she couldn't help it. It was because of this moving class. You guys, you guys, everybody listening, you guys, it's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
Adal
Or seen. One of the funniest things I've ever heard is this upcoming ad from one of our sponsors. We'll take a quick break, come right back with more queefs. I hope it's funny.
00:32:49
???
Hey Riddle Man. Hey Riddle Man.
???
And we're back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. Current score is Erin 5. Adal.
JPC
It's really hard to keep track of these. We're on number 14, so can that math be right? Doesn't matter. Here we go. I came back from the dead. I'm a miracle.
Erin
I'm a miracle.
JPC
We keep resetting you like the good place.
Erin
That's the cutest thing I've ever heard.
JPC
This is totally fucked.
Erin
I'm a miracle. Thank you, Erin. I'm a miracle. I'm a miracle.
???
You're not too funny until somebody loves you. Hi, I'm Ricky. And I'm here too. Oh, the family's all here. So again, I'm sentient scoreboard. Brother, introduce yourself. My name's Ricky.
Erin
I am a sentient basketball hoop. And my name's Miracle, and I'm a sentient blender. I'm a cousin. We all keep score, though. Yeah, we all keep score.
00:34:01
???
And we settle scores.
JPC
Yeah, we settle scores.
Erin
Let's get this queef one.
JPC
I almost did the voice again. Thy shalt bequeath thee a bequeathment, thy shan't repudiate. If you give a gift for give up, if you... Thy shan't repudiate I think is the important part here. If you can get that.
Adal
I'm not gonna repeat myself.
JPC
No. I'm not gonna... What does repudiate?
Erin
To repudiate means to... What's the genre of a movie?
JPC
So not what I said. I don't know.
Adal
Do your repeat date is to Pew date again? Mafia. Mafia. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't repeat.
JPC
That was too good of a hit.
???
Damn, tied up 5-5.
JPC
Thy shower retorts.
???
Anyone want a smoothie? Miracle? I would love that. Can I just say, you're a miracle. Every time I make a smoothie, it comes out all basketball. Whee! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Oh no, my basketball. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Shoot the ball. What I love people do with me is shoot, shoot, shoot. Do you hear about Nick Cage killing that casting agent? I did hear about that.
00:35:12
Erin
Crazy!
???
Well, turns out he was really apologetic and he didn't mean to do it. Oh. Strawberry smoothies? Yeah, please. Pardon my net. Is this podcast alienating?
Erin
Almost certainly.
???
Are we so far up our own asses that we've made unlistenable content? Sure, sure.
Erin
There's still one person out there that is just as weird as us. You're listening. But we're almost begging them to stop listening. We're so sorry. I'm sorry.
???
I'm a blander. I'm a sentient scoreboard. If there was a cruel god, he would stop recording this podcast. Audio Daddy?
Erin
No. Okay, another one. Serious.
JPC
Thy shalt retort. Thy shall retort. Wait, you shall not pass. No. Thy shall retort. That's good, though. That's it? Just thy shall retort.
Erin
You can't handle the truth.
JPC
Thy shall retort. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. Thine existence henceforth.
Erin
I'm going to come back. I'm going to circle back around. I'm going to make like a boomerang and come on back to where this is.
00:36:17
Adal
I want to see a scene. Yes. Erin, you are Jeebus Kysp and Jeebus Kysp and you are on the crucifix and this is getting weird. We're safe. We're still good.
Erin
How about I'm not there yet?
Adal
I'm famously not knowledgeable about the Christian faith, but doesn't Jesus come back on Easter? He's in a cave. Somebody rolls a rock and he hands him a rolling rock. He does die before that. Hands him a rolling rock! This is Jesus having one more conversation with Judas, who will be played by Japes, and you're letting Judas know basically that you'll be back, even if you shall perish.
Erin
Hey bud.
Adal
Ooh, you're chipper.
Erin
Uh, first of all, I forgive you.
JPC
Uh, I don't know what you mean. Really? Okay.
Erin
Do this?
JPC
Yeah, I did. Buddy? I did it for 30 pieces of silver.
Erin
Yeah, I want to hug it out. Because I forgive you, I'm going to die for your sins.
JPC
I don't know if I can hug you just because of kind of your arm placement.
00:37:17
Erin
Okay, just can you, I thought we would not acknowledge that, because we're trying not to offend everybody right now.
JPC
I'll just hug your post. How about that?
Erin
Um, okay bud. Hey bud.
JPC
Yeah.
Erin
I'm happy to die for your sins. Okay. I'm a good guy. No, you know what?
JPC
You're really making me feel like a piece of shit.
Erin
Well, you are kind of a piece of shit. Well, what the fuck? Are you a good guy or am I a piece of shit?
???
Can you keep it down?
JPC
Hey Barabbas, why don't you keep it down?
???
What's my name?
JPC
Barabbas and you're free. Don't wear it out.
Erin
Don't wear it out. But just, I'm going to be back, okay? I'm going to rise up. I'll be back and then I'm going to rise up.
JPC
Okay, we're going to get sued over this.
???
Wait, am I a character in Mortal Kombat? You will be back. Barakas?
JPC
No. No, no, no, you're Barabbas. The people love you.
???
Like the tricks? Barabbas?
Erin
Keep guessing. It's okay. Hey, guess what? We're cool. We're cool. I'm gonna be back. And I don't want it to be awkward when I come back. I just wanted to clear the air before I go.
00:38:19
JPC
Okay.
Erin
Happy to die for your sins.
JPC
Can I be alright with you? What? Yeah, what's up? Am I still gonna get into ancient domo? I don't know. You know what?
Erin
You know, because I'm dying for your sins, you just need to ask for forgiveness. By the way, just make sure that no one does anything hateful in the name of me. I'm actually a pretty good guy and I'm preaching love and doing good things for other people. Make sure no one homophobic or nightmarish kills anyone.
JPC
I'm only gonna be alive for like three more years because I'm already 12 and people have to be about
Erin
Can you like write it down though that like maybe don't hate people and being a Christian is about helping people?
JPC
I don't know man.
???
You're 12 years old. How old are you Barabbas?
Erin
Just make sure it's not something that like rich people use to justify terrible actions, okay?
JPC
Okay, Barabbas is hitting on me now.
Erin
I feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm worried about my legacy. I'm worried about my legacy starting to panic. Famously I fucked a loaf of bread.
JPC
Adal, you know all about Barabbas, right? It's actually Barabbas the Rapper and he had a PlayStation 1 video game. Thine existence, henceforth, be tantamount to receptacles of truffles. Chocolate.
00:39:26
Erin
Life is like a box of chocolate.
JPC
Life is like a mushroom. Life is like a bunch of mushrooms. Viracity be not with... Have either of you ever done mushrooms?
Adal
Oh yeah. I did them a few times in college and it was great. And then I did them one time when I moved to Chicago and I laid in a bathtub thinking my brain was melting.
Erin
And crying.
JPC
So I haven't done them since. I've said this many times but I feel like I've aged out of drugs because I've been sober for so long now that it's just been like... I don't think I will ever go back to drugs because I think it's just been too long. Is it six years sober? Six years, yes. It's over five years or something like that, I can't remember. That's amazing.
Erin
Do you have a mushroom experience that sticks out in your head? I've never done it.
JPC
Yeah, I've had so many fun mushroom experiences. I mean, mushrooms are a great drug, because they last a long time, and they're relatively cheap. I think it was like $35, and you're tripping for eight hours. It was phenomenal. There's so many great ones. I think I've told this one on the podcast before, but I told you about the treasure map.
00:40:32
Erin
I think you told that on a Patreon, so maybe it's...
JPC
Hey Riddle. Hey Riddle. Just go right past me like, hey dad, we're just hanging out. And just go to the basement. Your dad won't care. That's all he'll want. And he's like, no. What if he tries to talk to me? He'll know. I'll get freaked out. I can't do it. And I was like, to show you how easy it is, I will right now call my mom, who is in Hawaii at the time, I'll just call my mom and have a normal conversation with her and show you how easy it is. And so in between me doing that, I dialed my mom to call her to whatever. And in between me doing that and me remembering what the fuck I was doing, I was like, hey, mom. She's like, what's going on? I was like, not much. Oh, I'm on mushrooms right now.
00:42:16
Erin
Oh, no.
Adal
Your mom seems like the most relaxed, chill person though. She was fine with that.
JPC
No, no, no. I had done mushrooms before too.
???
Has she done mushrooms?
JPC
Has she told you like she's done mushrooms? Yes, yes. But I mean, she didn't, she never did that. She did that when she was in the college and stuff.
Erin
Did you guys ever watch the web series Dorm Life?
JPC
No.
Erin
You used to love it in high school. It's my all-time favorite web series.
Adal
Anybody we'd know in it?
Erin
Yeah, a few people. I think some of them went on to write for Arrested Development. They're all pretty big comedy writers.
JPC
Oh, wow. Yeah, I know all those writers from Arrested Development.
Erin
No, and also one of the women from Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros was an actor's sentence. She's so funny in it. But there's a quote in it that my friends and I used to say all the time, and it was a guy drunk calling his mom. And all of it, the whole clip of Cut 2 was him just going, my dick is out right now. My mom, my dick is out right now. That's awful. That just reminds me of that. I've done ayahuasca.
JPC
Okay.
00:43:18
Erin
You're a miracle.
JPC
How do you get ayahuasca into a scoreboard? I didn't ask for it. Veracity be not within thou comprehension. Um, veracity? Veracity be not within thou comprehension.
Erin
You can't handle the truth.
JPC
You can't handle the truth, yes. Nice one, Erin.
Erin
We keep guessing the better coming next.
JPC
Unearthed e route existence doth sprout. Life finds a way. Life finds a way. Nice. He's crushing these. Life finds a way. Thou shalt take with thee.
Adal
Thou shalt not pass.
JPC
Spiritual energy. Thou shalt take with thee. Soul. Spiritual energy. You got soul. You're taking spiritual energy with you. You've been served. I'm someone who's saying take the spiritual energy with you.
Adal
And also with you. Spiritual energy.
JPC
Close to that and also with you.
Adal
So what would be spiritual energy?
Erin
May the force be with you.
JPC
May the force be with you. Yeah, some of these are pretty hard.
Erin
And also with you Star Wars.
00:44:18
JPC
But also with you Star Wars. Church is Star Wars now. It's more popular. Disney bought church. Disney bought church.
Erin
Disney freaking would buy church, y'all.
JPC
Disney would buy church. And the people would start going to church. They'd be like, it's awesome.
Erin
It's Disney now. They pump cookies.
JPC
No clocks. Pumped cookies. Did you... Pumped cookies sounds like something that like a gas station tried out one weekend and it did not work.
Erin
Well I wasn't there to tell them that they were doing great.
Adal
They sell crown of thorns hats. Jase were you in the green room when Rob was talking about his daughter? Yes. This is the world news screen room. Rob's daughter is obsessed with Darth Vader. So she started watching the Star Wars movies and she's obsessed with Darth Vader and like all the villains in any Disney movie. But we for some reason started doing Cajun Darth Vader and it was like tickling me very hard.
Erin
Do you want to give us a little taste?
JPC
Adal can do good Cajun because he does gambit on the show.
???
It's just water boy.
00:45:21
Adal
Come to the back of the board. Come to the back of the Death Star. Okay, ready? All right.
Erin
Oh yeah, I kind of want to hear one more.
Adal
Yeah, let's do one more.
Erin
No, no, I want to hear one more from you.
Adal
Oh. It's dollars.
Erin
This is like... Worth it. I'm so glad I asked.
JPC
This is too dangerously close to like Jar Jar Binks actually, but manifest thee thy capital. Show me the money. Yeah. Show me the money. Momentum for thee. Show me the moonie. Show me the moonie. Momentum for Thee, an obligation you see. It's about family, fast and furious. Fast kind of is part of it. Fast times are rich my high. Spagoli. Momentum for Thee, an obligation you see.
Adal
Momentum for thee. Oh, momentum.
JPC
An obligation for momentum. I feel the need for speed. Top Gun. Damn Adal's fucking crushing it. For all of the realm, be it me at its helm. I'm the captain now. I run the world. I am the captain of the world. No, it's not the captain. I'm the king of the world. I give that one to Adal. Apprehension of thee by A or by C, including the mongrel makes three. What? One if by land and two if by... There's a dog part? There's a dog in there. I love dogs. I love dogs. Can you say it again? Apprehension of thee by era by sea, including the mongrel, makes three.
00:46:49
Adal
I'm gonna get you and your little dog too. I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too.
Erin
And I just watched Wizard of Oz.
JPC
That's from that. Thine life be not over, thou is aghast to discover. Thine has only grown bolder. Hmm. Okay.
Erin
I'm a big kid now.
JPC
Death is just the beginning of life. No. Thine life be not over. You're not there. Thou is aghast to discover. Thine is only grown bolder.
Adal
Only grown bolder.
Erin
Star.
Adal
It didn't, doesn't die.
JPC
What's the genre of movie? I don't know. I don't even know what movie this is from. Is it a quote we'd know? Yeah, you would know like every one of these quotes.
Adal
Brave, something about brave. The few, the good and the brave. I mean, some of these don't think we're movie quotes.
00:47:50
JPC
Oh, what? I don't know. I don't know if this is a movie quote. Anyway, it's what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Erin
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
JPC
Yeah, it's a Kelly Clarkson song.
Erin
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, better, faster, harder.
JPC
Before thee a course lay, an array for the way, thine elects the infrequent surveyed. What was the last wording?
Erin
I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.
JPC
Is that it? No. This is not a movie quote. These must just be quotes? Some of these are just quotes. Before thee a course lay, an array for the way, thine elects thee infrequently surveyed. The path is clear. It's like about a path.
Adal
The path is clear.
JPC
But not a path.
Adal
The path, the path less chosen, the road less traveled, is a better road.
JPC
This is from Robert Frost.
Adal
Two roads and two paths and a road diverged.
00:48:51
Erin
Teach him to road for a day and he'll road for life.
JPC
Yeah, he'll road for life. Okay, this one, this one again. A stride shall be scant for a singular scamp for the sun of the masses. A hop shall be massive. And that's one giant leap from mankind.
Erin
That's one giant leap from mankind. And that's one giant leap from mankind.
Adal
I fucked it, I fucked it. Can they hear me on the moon? Speaking of hearing us on the moon, you know the moon famously has effect on waves, tidal waves. Waves are typically found where?
Erin
Do it, do it, get to it, the beach, come on, you can do it Adal, get there, get there Adal. Really? You're kind of closing. Really?
00:49:55
Adal
Fuck.
Erin
I biffed it.
Adal
I biffed it.
Erin
Okay, no, no. Go back to beach. Biff, biff, biff.
Adal
Yes, go back to the future, okay? The future of Earth would be... Heat death. Heat death, yeah. The star of heat, besides De Niro... Kilmer. Okay, you put this into a kilm to make... Rocks? Mm-hmm. And tiny rocks, if they're broken up, are... Sand. No, divorced.
Erin
Sandy's here!
Adal
Sandy is here.
JPC
Let's do a sandbox.
Erin
See? Wow, it's unseasonably warm outside. You know what I think I want to do?
Adal
What?
Erin
Play in the sandbox. Come with me!
Adal
Why are you taking your clothes off?
Erin
Oh, I've read the room wrong.
JPC
Oh, tell me we're going to Sandy Dipping.
Adal
I'm ripping my clothes off. How did you read the room wrong? It's a woman and her child are trapped in a room.
Erin
I read it from bottom to the top, right to left.
JPC
Honestly, I read the room wrong. I saw it with a friend and did not know what it was going to be about. And we get into the movie theater and I think it's like some sort of like post-apocalyptic, they're trapped in space. And then like 10 minutes in I go, Oh, is this about? And she's like, yeah.
00:51:03
Adal
And I'm like, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Hey Riddle. We don't agree with homophobia. So if I said dog wins game inherits fortune you would say air bud because it's a dog. So it sounds the same. It's like King Ralph, but for a dog. I read that movie wrong. All right, you ready?
00:52:10
???
Yes.
Adal
Here we go. Red-headed orphan carries a lot of stuff. Annie Hall. Annie Hall. Annie Hall.
Erin
That's so funny.
Adal
Destroying Phoenix and all its surroundings. Destroying Phoenix. Raising Arizona.
JPC
Wow, Adal's slaying this.
Erin
Adal, you're good at stuff like this.
JPC
You're smart, your brain's so big.
Adal
Lady finds a penny. Penny Marshall. Rich woman, pretty woman. Lady finds a penny. Sense of a woman. Sense of a woman. Adal! A rooster story. Chicken run, a rooster story. A rooster story. Rooster story. Now things are going to slow down. Because Adal can't get up. Now we're going to take it easy.
JPC
Let me give you to a chance. I know this one first. Ducktail. Chicken tail.
00:53:10
Adal
Oh, Chip and Dale. I can give you the actual movie came out. I can do that by guessing because I don't actually know. I would say 86. A Rooster story? A Rooster story. American tail. Rocky? 88. I was wrong. 88. Very close. So what are the tales, right? So Cock. American Tail. Is it Cock? Cocktail? Cocktail.
???
Cocktail with Tommy.
Adal
You've got it. Is it Cock? How many times? Is it Cock? Is it Cock? Every time I go in for my physical, the doctor checks for hernia, I go, is it Cock? Feasting, hunting, adoring. Beavers build in New York. Damn. Damn shame. Damn Yankees. Damn Yankees. I got one. I got one.
Erin
I love damn Yankees. Is it a musical? I love when a bunch of men are singing.
JPC
Huh?
Erin
That's my favorite kind of musical. A ton of men are on stage.
00:54:14
Adal
Then why do you keep going to strip clubs?
Erin
Oh, well that's a completely unrelated part of my personality. But an important part of my personality.
Adal
Procession at a canine wedding. Father of the bride. Mmm. Procession at a canine wedding.
Erin
Dog.
Adal
Five. Dog day afternoon. Dog. Procession.
Erin
What's another... My best dog's wedding. Runaway dog.
JPC
My best dog's wedding is with me. Sandy, is precession the word that we're cueing into here?
Adal
Yeah, precession's not quite a synonym for the word I'm looking for, but where does precession take place? What part of the room? Isle. Isle? Go on. Isle. I'll be home for dogmas. I love dogs. Isle of Dogs. Nice. Isle of Dogs. Remember that movie? Yeah. Yeah, it was great. I liked it. Yeah. Um, this one is a little hometown pride. Northwestern's time atop the college rankings. Northwestern's time. Wildcats? No. Northwestern's, uh, mascot. It's also an album as well as a, uh, movie. Album.
00:55:17
JPC
Northwestern's time atop the top. Would it say that one more time?
Adal
Northwestern's time atop the college rankings.
JPC
And this is Father of the Bread.
Adal
And it's also an album. I want to say it's a movie, the Marshall Mathers EP. So North Washington is famously what?
???
Chicago. Color.
Adal
Purple. Purple Rose of Cairo. Purple. The color purple.
Erin
The color purple.
Adal
Purple rain. Purple rain. See, they rain.
JPC
They rain on top.
Adal
You got it?
JPC
I see.
Adal
The waters of Lake Minnetonka. Okay, so the rest of these are ones that I got from people on Twitter. I put this theme out on Twitter.
JPC
So Sandy, you've begun to get what we do, which is run out of riddles and then have our fans right before us.
Adal
Very smart, very smart. Very savvy. Same type of game? It's exactly the same. I just want to give some credit to each one. So this is from Daniel. Conflicts between Ringo and special prosecutor Ken. What is happening here? Barbie Beatles?
00:56:26
JPC
Rockstar. Popstar.
Erin
Confessions of a teenage, probably.
JPC
Ken Starr was the Clinton prosecutor.
Adal
So if it's a conflict from Ken to Jim, what's the... What is the other one? Ringo? Ringo.
JPC
Star Wars.
Adal
Heard of it. Something with Ken. We're done.
JPC
It's Ringo. It's Ringo and Ken.
Erin
Star. Ringo Starr is his name.
Adal
Yeah, they're fighting. This is from Adam. Naturalized walking stick. Naturalized walking stick. Naturalized walking stick. Citizen Kane. Oh, that's so good.
Erin
Adal, turn off your brain. You know that thing where I hit you in the head and you're bad at these for a couple minutes?
Adal
Yeah, doctor said I have 10 concussions.
Erin
Hey Spider-Man. You're remembering that wrong. From all those concussions.
Adal
Turn off the dark my man. Doorframe is from PG. Doorframe on a rocket. Doorframe on a rocket. Oh boy.
JPC
Gravity.
Adal
What would be another name for a lean to? A doorframe. What's another word for a doorframe? I don't know.
00:57:31
Erin
Entryway.
Adal
Doorframe.
JPC
Doorframe on a rocket.
???
Doorframe on a rocket, I know. I know it's serious.
JPC
Space Jam.
Adal
Something ship. Well, no. Space Jam. Space Jam. Jam. Jam. Jam, but with a B. Jam. Yeah, Space Jam.
???
Space Jam.
Adal
Remember that movie? In Space, no one can hear you, Jam. Yep. From Michael, thieves that also stole Parsley, Sage, and Rosemary.
Erin
King.
Adal
Okay, those are all spices, right? Spice wrappers. Well, not only are they all spices, but they're all part of a quartet of spices. So what's left? Parsley, sage, and rosemary. Thyme. Thyme bandits.
Erin
Thyme bandits. That's amazing.
Adal
Fun. Biography. Who did this one? Thank you. Sabin. Biography of a cobbler. Fuck you, Sabin. Next Sabin, you piece of shit college guys.
Erin
Biography of a cobbler.
Adal
Pie. Biographical. Shoe story. Not that kind of shoe gobbler.
00:58:34
JPC
The first pie. American pie. Biographies. Life of pie. There it is. Life of pie.
Adal
Life of pie. All right. These are tricky. From Jen, we have Oolong online. T site. T web. T. Internet. Oolong online.
Erin
I like this one.
Adal
Oolong online. Dr. T and the website. So oolong online. Safari, tea safari. So what do you call something that's like an online version of something? What do you say before it? www. World Wide Web. So like if you're sending letters online, they are not mail, they are email.
Erin
Wow, that's good.
Adal
Who did that one? That was Jen.
Erin
Oh, I love that one. I want to be bruised by you, Jen.
Adal
Ooh, fucking fight me. Jen, beat the shit out of me, Jen.
Erin
This got so weird. Sorry, you guys. I think that one's my fault.
00:59:36
Adal
Reptiles cover a flat grassland from Marika. Reptiles cover a flat grassland.
Erin
Desert.
Adal
Flat grassland? Plain white T-Rexes. Plain white T-Rexes. Go on. So snakes on a plane.
JPC
There it is. I love it. Are snakes reptiles? Yeah, I saw that in theaters. Says your butt. Aren't they?
Adal
Yeah, sure. I mean, they're not fungi. They're not mammals. What else? Is there anything less? All right. What the wind did at a swimming hole What the wind did at a swimming hole? Twists. At a swimming hole.
JPC
What the wind did at a swimming hole? Oh wait, Erin knows it. Let's stop. Let's all look at Erin. It's all looking at her. Erin's got it. Here we go. Say it one more time.
Adal
One, two, three. What the wind did at a swimming hole? What the wind did at a swimming hole? The real movie came out in... did not know, I've never seen it. What's another word for swimming hole? Swimming hole. Pond? On Golden Pond? 1980 and the sequel is 1991. There's a sequel. Alien. So what does wind do except for blow? Well, what it did. What it did. Blue.
01:00:58
Erin
Blue. Blonde.
Adal
Blue jasmine. Blue jasmine. Blue waters. Blue.
Erin
Blue lagoon.
Adal
Blue lagoon. Erin got it. That was a little help from our friends.
Erin
Rinko Star Wars.
Adal
Got a few more. Guy who has possession of a visibly embarrassed star of adventures in babysitting. This is from Ryan.
Erin
What? Can you say that one more time?
Adal
Guy who has possession of a visibly embarrassed star of adventures in babysitting. Elizabeth Shue owner?
JPC
Shy, visibly embarrassed. Yeah. Who is, I don't know, the star of... Elizabeth Shue? Was it Elizabeth Shue? Yeah.
Adal
So it's the owner of Elizabeth Shoe, but she's visibly embarrassed. Yeah. Shai Shoe. So if... Red Shoe. Red Shoe Diaries. Red Shoe. Red Shoes, right? The Red Shoes. The Red Shoes. Martin Scorsese's favorite film. Oh no, it's not. It's a movie with the title, we maybe don't know this movie. Red Shoe.
JPC
No, we got it.
01:01:58
Adal
The Red Shoes of Cairo. It's with Tom Hanks. Oh. 1985. Yeah, Sleepless in the Red Shoe. It's the man with one red shoe away. The man with one red shoe. I don't know that one.
Erin
I don't know that one. I don't know that one.
Adal
I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.
Erin
I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.
Adal
I don't know that one. I don't know that one.
JPC
I don't know that one.
Adal
I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. I don't know that one.
???
I don't know
Adal
Urotic recordings, ASMR, snuff, alkaline solutions, battery juice, alkaline solutions would be acids. Salt water? It's like an acid. Acid? It's like an acid. Poison. Acid.
JPC
Acid.
Adal
Erosion. Mercury.
JPC
Erotic what?
Adal
Erotic recordings developed in alkaline solutions.
JPC
Sex poison videos here. You got it.
Adal
Nice. There it is. All right, last one. This is my favorite from Violet. Angry Apple Computers. Mad Max. Boom.
Erin
Boom. That's such a good one.
01:02:59
Adal
That's from who? Violet.
JPC
Violet.
Erin
Well done, Violet.
Adal
Violet, you're turning violet.
JPC
I want you to find me Violet wherever I am in the world and just beat the crap out of me. Just fucking fight me.
Adal
Our fans can fucking fight me.
Erin
Sandy, these are amazing.
JPC
Sandy, these are so great. Thank you so much to all of the contributors.
Erin
Anything to plug.
Adal
Oh yeah, what are you up to? Yeah, you can always find me on Twitter at PZLR. I post puzzles there every day, every weekday. And then mysteryleague.com is where you can learn about all the games that I make which are available for corporate team building. If you're in Chicago, you should check out the Escapes Outpost in the basement of the Games Cafe, where The Last Defender is being run, as well as Nobita Lodestar, which is a new game that we've made. Oh yeah. Very cool. Yeah. And where can people buy sandbox shirts? Mm-hmm. You open up the trunk of your car and you show that you have too many... I have one. I'm wearing it. I've been wearing it for a year, waiting for people to ask me to... So you can buy that for $1,000. Perfect. And let me just say, it stinks. Please take it off me. Thank you so much. We're going to put you back inside this bottle. We're going to cork it up and we're going to toss Sandy into the ocean.
01:04:11
Erin
And if we're meant to find him again, then we'll find him again.
Adal
Bye. Bye.
JPC
Bye Sandy, have fun in hell motherfucker. Bye Sandy. He's with his son.
Erin
A fan? Drew, you know what, let me look it up because it's important. A fan Drew.
JPC
So a fan Drew, and that's all we'll hear of that until later. Adal, you have anything to plug?
Adal
Yes, I want to say to check out Magic Tavern has a bunch of content at Stitcher Premium. We have offices and bosses season three. We have a Spintac series. We have a board game series called Earth Games where we play Earth games. One of the guests is our own Erin Keif. Erin, what did we play? We played something. We played Clue? No, Monopoly? I can't remember.
Erin
Oh, with me? We played Life.
Adal
We played the game of life.
Erin
And Momo was an athlete.
Adal
Momo was an athlete.
Erin
And we played Skategories.
Adal
And Skategories. So Erin's on two episodes, I forgot. So please check out that. It's on Stitcher Premium. I also want to give a quick shout out to the Instagram for my kippies. That's fries and brisket. The Instagram handle is friesandbrisket. My girlfriend Gemma runs that account. And you can slowly see brisket or newer kitten getting fatter and fatter.
01:05:31
Erin
This is a note about Sandy. So a fan, their Twitter handle is moxiebottle. They drew us as the Heathers, which is hysterical. Oh, I love that piece of art. A listener named my name is Grant said, I think that makes Sandy Veronica and that feels right. And that made me laugh really hard. I was like, oh my God, we just corrupt Sandy.
JPC
Do you have anything you want to play? You can follow me on Twitter at JPsofly. I will never tweet anything funny, but I will scream at liberals. So if you enjoy that, that's where you can find me.
Erin
That's just the internet now. Follow me, Erin Keif, too, on Twitter and Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and watch my web series. It's called Welcome Back. You can find the link in my bio on my Instagram or just type in Welcome Back, Erin Keif, into YouTube and you can see all the episodes.
JPC
And again, I just want to give a straight up shout out to Damien from Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Damien, thank you so much for submitting these.
01:06:32
???
The entire episode of Riddles.
JPC
These were fun.
???
Did I ever tell you guys where my home planet is? Oh, where is it? Can I guess?
JPC
Well, let me guess first. Pluto.
???
No.
JPC
Not a planet.
Erin
Jupiter? Yeah, Jupiter.
JPC
Wow, second guess.
Erin
I'll be at all.
???
Bye forever. I guess it's just me. What do we talk about now?
JPC
Casey cut it. Huh? Play the music over this, Casey.
???
I have so much to say.
JPC
No, you don't.
???
I have ideas for podcasts.
JPC
Unplug? What's the unplug?
???
What if there's a podcast? Jupiter, bye forever. And it's three friends talking about movies.
???
And John Patrick Coan, Casey Tony could be editing.
???
Have already parented the music.
Erin
That was a Headgum podcast.