Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a Headgum podcast.

Hey Riddle Riddle is the name of this podcast, and we're going to be doing a live show of this podcast in Los Angeles, Sunday, May 17th at 7pm at Dynasty Typewriter. If you want to go to the show, you should buy tickets headgum.com slash live.

And if we sell out all of the early show, we may be adding a secret late show.

And you know we get dirty at the late show. We don't actually get dirty at the late show. Bring your kids.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of lights. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an eye-six. Adal Rifai!

Uh-oh, I forgot how to do the intro. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JVZ. And I'm Erin Keif. And you're now listening to the best podcast in the world, Clap. In the world.

Clap. You're now listening to the best podcast blast in the world. Blast.

In the world. Blast. There was 30 seconds of silence before Adal figured out what he was going to say. In the world.

In the world. Don't put him on blast. Blast, blast, clap.

Blast.

Clap. If you can't tell, we haven't recorded in a while.

Can that be our new catchphrase? Blast clap. Blast clap.

So dirty.

Clapped in America.

Clap back America. Ooh, clapped in America. That's just Eric Clapton playing freaking Cream on the guitar, baby.

What did I miss?

What did you miss? We haven't recorded in some tomb. It's been over 11 years. It's been a while. So let's talk about what, Erin, you went on a cruise.

Yeah. This is going to sound like a joke, but I went on a cruise with my improv team.

Ted or Penelope. You know what I'm saying? How'd it go?

Um, uh, well, um, I highlights, lowlights.

Hi-Lights is... Well, I see you got Hi-Lights and Low-Lights.

Well, yeah. It looks awful. Yeah, it looks like my hair is striped.

Also, PS Bad News, Hi-Lights Magazine called us unwatchable.

Oh, no.

And Boys Life Magazine called us not a real dad.

And then Highlight's magazine said, try to find them in this tree.

And Cigar Aficionado called us, and it went straight to voicemail.

Highlife Magazine called us, the champagne of podcasts.

Yeah, it was, Highlight was my friend Andrew Robinson winning the Harry Tusk contest on the cruise and then proudly bringing over a trophy to me after he had won. Lowlight was, I got to high and had an existential crisis. I never do edibles, I never get high. I decided to partake because I was in California and that's what they seem to do.

California, let's get high. Have you ever been on a cruise before?

I've been on a cruise one time before this.

Tom or Penelope?

Oh my god.

My peers respect me.

Penelope.

Here's Vanilla Sky. Vanilla Sky.

But yeah, that was amazing. And then I stayed in LA for a little bit, drove up, saw Big Sur for the first time, was blown away, went to San Francisco.

Excuse me, Big Sur. Yes?

Yeah, that's all I did. I am so poor now. I have no right to take that much time off of work.

Now?

I mean, I'm always poor, but now I'm even poorer than I was before.

Poor than I was before. That's our new catchphrase.

Adal, you went on tour with Magic Tavern.

I was on tour. It was a blast. We met all kinds of people. We had all kinds of fun. Got to meet and play with a lot of the heroes of mine from when I was a kid. And it was a good time. Very fun time.

Yeah.

And it ended with Erin and I doing a live show in San Francisco with Rob Cordry.

Which was very, very fun.

It was very, very fun. I felt the worst I've ever felt in like the last two years, which is I went to the after party with Arnie and Matt.

Yeah, do you want to tell him that story?

And Erin and I had made plans to go to this tiki bar that I love, where it rains from the ceiling. She showed up wearing a dress.

She just texted me and she was like... Pigs blood.

She texted me and said she's ready to go to the tiki bar and I said you should come to the after party because John Hodgman and Paula Thompkins are singing closing time at the karaoke stand and the whole bar that the after party was in is like a sleep no more kind of thing it's like a really cool speakeasy type vibe with a casino and all the stuff but once I text her they let us into the deeper portions of the sub-basement speakeasy where there was no service no phone service and so Erin showed up like 10 minutes after I texted her and then like two hours later less two minutes Hey Riddle. The thing she needed to get into the party was her performer pass, which she did not get. And I did not know she had not picked it up.

I had picked it up, but I had no idea I was going to go to this party. My boyfriend and I had left our hotel to go to the tiki bar and we're like, oh, Adal will meet up with us later. And then Adal was like, come to this party. And I was like, oh, we've been busy all day.

Mark Evan Jackson here.

Before you said any of the celebrity's names, we changed our Uber route. And I was like, we should go. Adal thinks we should go to this party. Let's just go. We'll be there for an hour. And then we got there and he didn't respond. And we were on the street. And I was like, what did you do? I just wanted to go.

How long did you wait?

I waited 40 minutes because I didn't want to leave and then have him text me. But then Sean and I went to the tiki bar and had... Did you like it? I loved it.

The bunga room?

Yeah, we just had an amazing couple of times together.

That's honestly the worst I've felt in so long. And I was texting with Erin and she was very much like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's fine. And then she goes, did you hang out with anybody fun? And I listed the people. And Erin sent back just one phrase, which was, I'm so sad. And I go, I'm sorry. She goes, that's fine. I'm just so sad. I'm like, oh no. I felt awful.

It is a weird feeling to have someone text you two minutes later, you show up and then I go, did he do this on purpose? Did he make, did he want me to like take an Uber here?

I honestly was like, cause all you needed was your, all you needed to do was show your pass and you were in. And so I was honestly, I kept asking Arnie and Matt, I'm like, did you see Erin here? Cause it was like a labyrinth of rooms where there's like an, or like a, it's like this shining hotel with all these different rooms and whatever. But I kept being like, Erin has to be here somewhere surely. And then I thought maybe you just didn't, you fell asleep or something. And then I got those texts and I...

It's all okay. I will make it up to you. No, Sean and I had the best time at that tiki bar. It's crazy that it rains. We spent like $80 on two drinks.

We went there two years ago. That's unreal. And the tab, the tab for like five people was like 800 bucks.

Yeah, I will never go there again. That's why I'm so poor. Sean and I were like, we are, this is the most irresponsible purchase we've ever made.

Here's how I'll make it up to you. Next tiki bar we go to, I will buy you drinks. Go to that tiki bar.

Beautiful name.

Beautiful name.

Beautiful name.

That's my favorite bit you've ever done. Eight pounds, 265 ounces. What? She's huge.

And if you finish her in one sitting you get t-shirts?

I get a t-shirt and they put my name on a plaque and they hang it off the wall. No, I was not in San Francisco because I was on the last flight out of Chicago and we had like a snowstorm and so they just canceled all the flights and then our show was at like noon so there was no flight early enough in the morning that would have got I the earliest flight would have gotten me to the show 30 minutes into the show so I was like I could like show up I could have gotten on a flight and then like hopefully uber to the theater and caught like the last part of the show that honestly would have been the funniest bit if like

As we're winding down, there's two minutes left. If you just come running up on stage and then we're like, that's it everyone. Honestly, that would have been the best bit ever.

What's funny is because I was literally going to be there for 24 hours. My flight was like I was going to get in at midnight and I was leaving at midnight the next day and my flight out got canceled. And before I could like refund me, it got filmed at a standup club. It was awful. But before I could get it refunded, I was getting, like, a suggestion for other flights that I could get put on, and they were like, what about this other flight tomorrow that'll get you to San Francisco at 8.10 p.m.? And then my flight out was at midnight, and I was like, yes, you've correctly identified that I wanted to spend four hours at the San Francisco airport.

Tapes, I told you I bought you a train ticket that was the 3.10 to Yuma. I wish. Then I would have seen some celebs, huh?

It really made me appreciate you more having you not be there. I was like, aw. But Rob Corddry was a stand-in, right? He was amazing.

He was amazing. Yeah, that is good. I'm glad that there was... This show, it seems like you only need two people to do a podcast, but I think it would be hard. There's not a lot of podcasts with three hosts. Really? I think a lot of podcasts have guests, though. Freedom.

Magic Tavern. There's only two I can think of.

And Magic Tavern has guests.

Good point. Who's our old man puzzles?

I am old man puzzles. And for all you Ridiots out there, we're going to get started with some riddles. If you don't, if this is your first time listening, we are Riddle podcasts for the most part. Well, for the least part. I'm sorry, we're a Riddle podcast for the least part.

If this is your first time listening and you made it through what have we been up to without getting to what kind of podcast it is.

Also, you can listen to that Rob Cordrew live show on our Patreon. I think that will come out this Friday. Yeah, she'll come out this Friday. Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh, and speaking of live shows, we have a upcoming live show, two live shows in New York. They're both sold out, but I believe there's going to be some tickets at the door. There might be some standing room only that you could still get to. I think standing room sold out.

Okay, you're fucked. Don't go to the show.

But they said they're gonna maybe possibly release some more the night of. So that's at Caveat Theatre in New York, so check that out.

No, Adal, what they said is they're going to release some more the night of, because Riz Ahmed is going to keep doing that limited series engagement miniseries on HBO from three years ago.

Wow, we'll take anything we can, can we? We'll just do it.

Is that February 22nd?

I don't know, it's John Turturro, it's Riz Ahmed, it's a murder.

It's supposed to be James Gayle if anybody died.

Is that true? He was supposed to do the Riz Ahmed part?

He was supposed to be a young Middle Eastern man.

Right after 9-11.

Oh wow. Eating some risotta. Let's get into some warm-up riddles. This is something I've been meaning to do for a long time. Apologize? Apologize. I'm on my apology tour. I'm sorry that I ruin every podcast I'm on. Our good friend Shane Wilson, who does world news tonight with us, Last year, he sent me to my Gmail, he sent me some warm-up riddles, and I totally forgot about them, so I just found them. So we're gonna do this for warm-ups. That's why guys, you gotta email the show, you gotta email the show podcast. Well I told him, I think he asked me, and I said email me because I typically don't do the fan-submitted ones, and I said, Erin and Japes will see the answer if you send it there, so I said send it. And then has Shane been following up with you every week? He hasn't talked to me. Um, so this is from Shane. Shane says, uh, it's element to re 2019 marks that, well, this is, uh, put your phone down, close the email. 2019 marks 150th birthday of the periodic table of elements to help celebrate. See if you can name the element that is suggested by each of these cryptic phrases. So this is element to re.

Get it?

It's not Aragon. I'm not going to do well. If it's not Aragon. Yeah. Aragon, fuck yourself. Argo, Argo, fuck yourself. Here we go, so I'm going to give you a clue and you tell me which element that relates to. Make sense? Here we go. What should we do with all these bodies? Helium.

Here, let me start with... Yeah, I think it's helium.

Let me start with an easier one. What came after seven, eight, nine?

Ten.

Ten. But for an element it would be... Helium. 10. 10. Erin, dingo, bingo, ate my baby. So we get the gist of it, right? Yes, yes, yes. So the next one is ruled over.

Helium. You guys, Adal, do you not understand patterns in comedy? I'm going to say helium until it's helium.

Helium's a pattern.

Helium damn near killed him.

What was the question? Run over? Ruled over.

Ruled over.

King, reign.

So if you ruled over someone, you blank them. Subjugate. Or maybe this is something you did to, oh boy, I don't know, a dog? Fucked. Um, owned? Or what Moses did with the Jews. Partied, freed, led, led. There we go. Let's circle back to this one. Okay. What should we do with all these bodies? What should we do? And there's not an element called? Barium. Yes, barium. I was going to say there's not an element called Hit the Florium.

Hit the Florium. It's a new one.

They found it in a volcano. Hit the Florium. It's like an umptadium. What's the one from Marvel? It's the same one.

Because nothing matters. We can't stress this enough on the show.

It just says hit the Florium. Put in the net. That's a t-shirt. Put in the net.

Swish. Swish, swish, bish. Another one in the basket.

I'm a Katy Perry fan. That's the worst fucking song on the whole thing. Me too. I saw Katy Perry front row. That song would make me get up and leave the show. You saw Katy Perry front row at a trial, correct? Sorry, I saw Stephen Perry pet a kitty. What is it? Swish? What? Put in the net. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked.

Dunked. Dunked.

Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked.

Dunked. Dunked.

Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. Dunked. A bent leg sits atop. A bent leg sits atop. A bent leg sits atop. Cross. Kneel.

Magnesium.

A bent... Kneel is in the vicinity.

Kneel. Kneel. Kneel.

Kneel. That's right. Knee-on.

You're a neon. You're a peon. My brain's not moving fast enough to be on the shelf.

Against cash. Against cash. Credit. No. Johnny. No.

Anti-money.

Yes. Anti-Money? Anti-Money. Antimony. Daughter of Tommy Chong. I wouldn't know this one.

I don't know.

Daughter of Tommy Chong? I guess her name is Ray Don. Ray Don? I didn't know that. Ray Don Chong. It'll never take Cagney alive. Lacy. It'll never take Cagney alive. No, you'll never get me, see? You'll never get me, you... Bitch. You'll never get me, you bitch. I gotta see a scene. Erin, you are sort of an old-timey, 1920s, Tommy Gun wielding criminal. Okay. Japes, you are someone trying to bring this criminal in, and Erin, for whatever reason, your criminal is sort of ahead of their time in terms of the phrases they use.

Okay.

Let's make this easy, see? You put your gun on the floor and I'll let you come out of here alive.

Yeah, I have an idea for you. How about you come at me, bro? How about you come at me, bro?

Listen, all you have to do is put that gun away and you'll go to jail and you'll get to live in a nice cell. How does that sound, friend?

After I'm done here, the bodies will hit the floor. And then I'll go to the window and then I'll go to the wall.

There's not going to be any bodies, friend, because you're going to do the right thing and put your hands up above your dukes and come on out of here.

Not in my head like, yeah. Moving my hips like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that everything you hoped it would be in less?

Yes. That was the most SNL sketch we've ever done.

No, it's not.

Hamburgers. It'll never take Cagney alive. I feel like I know this. So what did JPC play in the scene, essentially? Helium. What the fuck?

A hero.

Copper. Copper.

Copper.

No more pirates. Argon. Argon. Nice. TDM activated. TDM active, Boron. Boron? My wife. I'm getting them.

I'm getting them.

My element, Boron. Clown convention.

Adal's house.

That's what I call my bedroom. Is this where the magic happens? No, no, no. This is the clown convention. Chuckle fest. Jugglefest is something we should make, but that is incorrect.

Clown convention. Mime. Con. You're right. Something con.

Clown con. Boo con. So think about boo, but add a B at the end. Bobo con. No, that's not... Boob. Yeah. Con. And what might you put in a boob? Bra con. Breast con. You put bras in a boob? Yeah, why not? Your daughters are fucked.

What do you put in a boob?

What do you put in a boob? The answer is silicon. Silicon.

SillyCon. Welcome to SillyCon 2020. We'll have a better year than last year.

No one will die. SillyCon 2019. What a tragedy. Burial site plugged in. And this, so think about HBO's The Blank Keeper from the 90s or 80s man. The Knight of? Cryptkeeper. Crypton. Crypton.

Nice. That's nice.

Cryptonite. Mouth organs, nearly a dozen. Blow Javian. Blow Javian. Yes. Blow Javian. That sounds like a Pokemon. That's what Javier Bardem's college nickname was.

Go Blow Javian! I choose you! Blow Javian! Blow Jambion!

I went on a date with Blow Jambion. It was, okay.

Blow Jambion is the evolution of Lickitug. My Pokemon nerds out. Casey's not even smiling.

What's the point of any of this in case he's not even smiling?

I must have used the wrong balls. Mouth organs, nearly a dozen. I would say too short of a dozen. Mouth organs, too short of a dozen. Taste buds?

Ten. Dimes.

So what's a mouth organ? Tongue. Tongue. And how many numbers? Tongue stan.

Tongue stan. There's ten tongues. I went on a date with ten tongues once and it was a lot better than the blowjambian one.

Oh, blowjambian sand, blowjambian. The only pine tree.

Christmas.

The only pine tree. Chris pine tree.

Chris pine tree. Is Casey making noise?

Is Chris pine, is that correct?

The only pine tree. Single... Spruce.

What's a song that anyone... What was the word you said? Solo? Solo pine? Lose the low. So pine. So pine. So... Why are you saying so? I thought you said soul. Soul? You said solo. I guess lose the O. So soul. Soul? Yeah. And what kind of tree is a Christmas tree? Pine. Furs? Furs?

Furs. Sulfur. Sulfur.

Sulfur. Wow.

Oh, come on. Come on.

Wow. Two more. The Roman numeral X has been sighted. Has been sighted. The Roman numeral X has been sighted. X is 10.

Hi, Hayton.

Semen. Did you say Hyle Hayton?

I said hi, comma, hey.

She said hi, I'll hate it.

I said hi, comma, hey, comma, ten.

Hey, Erin, can we talk to you for a second? Do you think his name is Hitler? You don't know that his name is Hitler?

We hate Hitler.

No, no. We like Hitler.

No, but we hate people.

So confusing. We love the Hitler.

We'll cut this thing out. I'm okay, I feel better.

The Roman numeral X has, the Romulan number X has been cited. I don't know this one. This is Tennessean. Tennessean. Tennessean?

You're the only ten I've seen.

Nice. And that makes me want to sleep with you.

Wait, let's see if this works. Ready? You're the only ten I've seen.

Oh, and that makes me want to sleep with you.

And say it to me.

That makes me want to sleep with you.

Sorry, I'm with blue job. What's his name?

Transformers.

Blowjobs in. Disguise. The Decepticons are trying to sneak into the earth to give all the cards blowjobs. I'm out. I'm out.

Okay, wait. I want to see a scene. I have to.

I was going to say I want to see a scene where JPC keeps taking his car up to his room. Sweetie, what's going on in there? Nothing? Keep sucking her room.

This is a really dirty episode, sorry everybody. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are that guy from Pokemon and you keep, there's a bunch of new Pokemons and you're choosing them and then Adal, you can be the voice of all the different Pokemons.

So I'm Ash Ketchum.

Yeah, and there's like 10 new Pokemons.

The guy's name for Pokemon is Ash Ketchup. Wow.

Pile Ash Ketchup.

Pile Ash Ketchup. I always use a condiment. Oh no, Pikachu's fainted. Okay, uh... You fainted, so you're done. Okay, go get him Roku!

I'm a Roku. I carry all the popular channels on apps.

Oh no, Roku fainted.

55 inch Roku. No, you fainted.

Okay, go get him a lemon car.

Vroom vroom. I'm a lemon car. How much did you pay for me? 250 dollars. Oh, too much.

Caput caput. Go get em. Cuckoo bird.

Uh oh. I'm a bird who shouldn't have said too many times.

What a big mistake. Go get em. Snailbag. Would you come? Oh shit, is that your name? Oh my god.

Did you just call me fucking Snailbag? Barack told me your name was Snailbag. Barack told you that? I don't know, man. Thanks Obama.

It's crazy, look at back of your ball. Okay, go get him, Aliyoop. Did you tell me to get back on my ball?

Hold on.

Hold on. And Aliyoop?

Hey man, I don't know why I need trouble.

And she fainted. Did you tell me to get back on my ball? Hey man, I don't want any trouble, I'm just a Pokemon trainer, my name's Ask Ketchup.

I'm a Robert De Niro gun. Are you trying to fuck with me? No, I mean, Adal, this was great. I love you.

Pikachu is ready to get back in!

Blam. Why didn't you mention- What the fuck?

Why didn't you mention- Holy shit!

She fainted.

You shot him in the leg!

See?

Is that good content? Go get your shinebox.

You guys, are you mad at us? Pikachu, go get your shinebox. And we have one more. And this is only to be answered by Erin.

Oh, good. Then I will take myself a little vape break where I'm going.

Oh, JVC fainted.

I do blog posts about anti-vaping.

It really makes them chill out.

Erin, this last one is eating on Jupiter's moon.

Helium.

Erin, that is correct. Do you know any of Jupiter's moons?

Do you know any of my butt? Wow.

Erin, how are we doing today? I don't know. Are you still mad about the after party?

I'm still pretty mad about that party.

We just had to... When will you introduce me to your butt? I want to know more.

Oh, you want to meet me.

No, that's your butler and my butt.

Eating on Jupiter's moon. Erin, you perform at one of Jupiter's moons every Saturday.

World News Tonight. Is Earth one of Jupiter's moons? I.O.

I.O. I.O. Iodine. Iodine. Thank you so much, Shane Wilson. Come check him out at World News Tonight. Thank him for those puns.

He was on Magic Tavern in that episode that's famous.

He plays Dr. Ward, which is one of my favorite episodes. But yeah, go talk to him after World News and thank him for those. I believe he wrote these himself. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met.

Yeah, I would say we're the three dumbest people on world news, would you agree? By far.

Everyone else is doing like, very sharp political satire, and then I come out and I'm like, my dick broke!

Yeah, but... Pads casually being a genius the whole show.

I would say that we're not the three dumbest because Brett is a member of... Oh yeah, Brett's there, I forgot. Yeah, Brett is there. That's so stupid, he's so dumb. But he's the funniest.

He is the funniest. What I thought to do after this is, have you guys heard of Hink Pinks?

I think you sent me some Hank Pinks and it got my- You got fired.

I went on a date with Hank Pinks and it was- Left me for Blue Java Cod. Blue Java Cod. Is that really what it was?

I couldn't possibly be. So a Hank Pink is a two word clue that leads to a rhyming answer. Okay. So for example, let me find a good one here. A funny cat would be A funny cat. So it's a two-word clue that leads to a rhyming answer.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

A funny cat would be a... Silly kitty. No, it doesn't rhyme.

It doesn't rhyme. Titty, titty, titty, titty. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Okay, I messed up.

Titty, titty, titty, titty, titty, titty. Here, Erin, I'll give you an easier one. A cat... A goosy poosy. A real... Goosy poosy. We'll pretend that this is... Hold on. Dead. Stop. Goosy poosies? I meant to say like... Is that your favorite Orange is the New Black character? Goosy poos.

Goosy poosay. Okay, okay, okay.

So let me give you, here's maybe an easier one. Pretend that this is just two words. A riddle solving cat.

Ritty kitty.

Ritty kitty. So a funny cat would be... Shitty kitty. So if Oscar Wilde had a cat, it would be a real... Witty kitty. Witty kitty. Got it. We understand?

Yes.

All right. How about a tight carpet? Snug rug. That's a snug rug, baby.

Shrug rug, but that's not wrong.

How about a simple locomotive?

Plane train.

That's a plane train on beer. Dead stop.

Dead stop motherfucker. Dead stop motherfucker.

Adal, I want to see a seat now. I want to see a seat. So Adal, this is your country album and it's all country songs that you're ready to hear beer. Are we ready in the studio? Yeah, we're ready for you.

We're ready for you, Big Ed. Okay, thank you. All right, please call me Big Sur. You got it, Big Sur. Laying on the track, this one's called... I drink one too many. And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four, and a five, and a six, and a seven, and a nine. Nine beers is too many beers I'm sittin' here, my dear, thinkin' about you, sittin' in the bar, chokin' down the bar if gotta swallow my puke, cause I don't wanna get kicked out on the street. I'm way too drunk. I'm looking at the TV and I can't see nothing but little squirrellies running around the TV. Nobody knows what it's like to be me. My name's Big Ed and I have a drinking problem. Yeah, I sold ten million records but nobody stepped in to solve them. Go to an alcoholic therapist every week to get help, but I get pissed. That's all I do is get pissed drunk. I get so pepula-pew I'm a skunk. P-U, yeah, P-U. P-U means problems, understandin'. P-U, problems, you understandin'. Please understand me, open the door. Veronica, I'm knockin' at your door. It's 4 a.m. and I'm drunk as a bitch ass. Please open the door so I can talk to you about the problems I caused for years ago. Okay, begin.

We are not recorded. Excuse me? We are not recorded. None of the machines are plugged in in here. Huh. That is our bad. We are drunk as two skunks fuck in the market. I'm not in here. Sane.

We're drunk as cheesecake. Oh, did the scene end?

I was laughing so hard doing that because I don't think there is a song or I've never heard a song that is written from the perspective of a person who is very drunk. I've got a friend in low places. No, but those are songs like those are not songs from the perspective like someone's who's so drunk they can't see or articulate things that's the funny part about like a song it's like I got blurry vision and nothing makes sense it's like it's not it's not telling me about like how I've got friends in low places it's just telling me I'm a person who's too drunk to function.

It's talking about being drunk. Who drunk to function? I'm stuck at this junction.

I keep dropping my keys, trying to open my door. But I realize I don't own a car. Now the car owner's coming to me. I got NFS fight over IKEA. I'm glad that you made that misstep and it led to that. This is basically just turned into Memphis, Kansas Breeze. Let's continue with these. Yeah, why not? We're having fun, right?

Yeah.

Erin, can you confirm?

Confirmed fun.

We're going to paste in you saying fun.

Confirmed fun.

We're going to copy and paste in everything fun. How about an empty seat?

Clear. Something chair.

Mm-hmm.

Chair. Spare chair. Spare chair. No.

Spare chair.

That works. Bear chair.

A bear chair. Fuck. Bear chair. I want to see a scene. Mm-hmm.

All ready?

All ready. JPC, you work at an Olive Garden. Okay. And you're seating a party, and the party happens to be just myself and Erin. I am a single dad, and Erin is a full-grown bear.

Hey, party for- what the fuck? The fuck is that?

Party for two is what I think he meant to say.

That's a bear!

That's all right. This is my- I'm also a female.

This is my daughter.

She's a female bear. You're- I'm sorry, your daughter's a female bear.

I'm a female bear.

I'm gonna have to check with Jakima. Jakima, can we have the novirus room? Okay, fine.

You know what? Okay, uh- I don't wanna be where I'm not wanted.

No, apparently it's fine.

I'm sorry that I'm new here. Did you say, apparently? Hi Riddle.

I eat hostess for dinner, and not the dessert.

Oh, she loves cupcakes. Oh, not the dessert.

Not the dessert. The person who seats people at restaurants.

Okay.

We're just called hosts. Don't gender us.

Host at a restaurant. And maybe I have a craving for a host at a restaurant.

Excuse me, did you say my daughter sounds like a belligerent cookie monster?

I'm sorry, I'm just hearing what I hear. No, I can seat you. I can get you a table for two.

I bet you taste like breadsticks.

I bet you taste like breadsticks.

I bet you eat the fruit here. I bet you taste like olive oil and sour dressing and breadsticks.

I couldn't tell you what I taste like, but I could tell you that one time I did jerk off and got a little bit of cum in my mouth. Pineapple? What's that? Tastes like pineapple. I just heard Kishi laugh. I thought you were guessing my name. No, it tasted like cum. So... How do you accidentally get cum in your mouth?

What's that? How do you accidentally get cum in your mouth?

I accidentally went on a date. That's a story for anything.

Hold on. No. What was it?

No, no.

You accidentally went on a date? This is your daughter?

Never mind. Never mind.

This is my daughter. She's a full grown female. Wrong scene. No, no, no. Daughter. I would love to hear what this is.

No, no.

Sweetie. Sorry, let me have a moment with my daughter here.

She's going crazy on these cookies. Same.

I think we've forgotten how to do this show.

That's so funny. I'm just hearing what I want to hear.

Erin, you're right. It was a bear chair.

Yay!

How about a steak stealer? A steak stealer.

Steak stealer?

Steak stealer. Sirloin per loin. I mean, can't be mad at that.

Flamingon, sashave, John.

Ribeye, buh-bye.

What was it?

Chuck roast, fuck. The most. No, parloid's a verb, it's to steal. Parloin. Right? This is a steak stealer. A steak stealer. A heifer-thefter. A steak... Fuck off.

A cow. A heifer-thefter. A chow.

What's Steeler? Steeler would be a hamburger, raffles burger.

A wagyu bagyu. A steak Steeler. So what is steak? Beef. Yeah? And then what is steak typically? Beef.

So put those together? I can't. He's a beef thief.

That's someone who steals your boyfriend?

He's a beef thief. He's a beef thief.

Miranda, you're a fucking beef thief.

You fuck Donald, you beef thief. Who? Did you just go to American Eagle because you look like a little beef thief?

I'll say it a thousand times. Only boring people steal other people's boyfriends. Honk beef. You're boring if you're stealing someone else's boyfriends.

Oh, Erin, I want to see a scene. I don't know what it is, but I want to hear the word beef thief a million more times. I want to see a scene, Erin, where you are a literal ham burglar, and JPC, you wake up in the middle of the night, go down to your kitchen and catch her in there.

Who goes there? You there. You there in the night. Identify yourself.

I'm your wife. I'm your wife, probably.

Oh, thank God. Sweetie, who is it? Who's this hamburglar? I'm in my bed chambers. Quick, wife! Yes. First, let's make love. Then let's go kill that bird. Oh, maybe later? What's that? Maybe later? No, now! Daddy, who are we now?

Um, how about... Who is it, sweetie?

I'll get to you in a second.

No, there's a hamburger in our house. We must address it now.

You are my wife, though, correct? Surely a kiss would be in order.

What's going on down there? Rubble Rubble!

Ah, that damn hamburglar. I'm so incensed, but I'm also very horny for you, my wife.

Fine, you caught me. I'm the hamburglar in the house.

Fine, you caught me. I'm an old pervert who just wants to fuck a hamburger man.

And I'm...

I think we need to take a break and I think you need to think about your actions.

I think we broke.

Yeah, we don't need to take a break. We already broke.

We'll be right back with more Beef Thief.

C.B.P. Queef. Oh wait, no. Queefity Beef Thief.

C.B.P. Queefity Chief Beef.

C.B.P. Queefity Beef Thief.

C.B.P. Queefity Beef Thief. C.B.P. Queefity Beef Thief. C.B.P. Queef Beef Thief.

C.B.P. Queef Beef Thief. C.B.P. Queef Beef Thief.

C.B.P. Queef Beef Thief. C.B.P. Queef Beef Thief.

Squeaky, squeak, squeakity, beef cheeks.

Well, it's like my grandpa always said, the squeaky beef gets the clique. The squeaky from gets the chair.

Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky.

Oh, there's an update. This just did. Hey, we're back in at St. Riddle and we're losing our minds. How about we switch to some full course beefy, thiefy, queefy full on riddle.

I'm ready.

I would love to eat that now. I brought my knife and I brought my big fork and I am ready to tear into these riddles. Big sir.

Horace the artist told his family that they had to move out of their current home because he had successfully sold all his paintings. The family was disappointed but knew Horace was correct in his decision to relocate. What's going on?

I know.

Oh, do you really?

Yeah.

Oh, go for it.

This is my guess. The paintings were murals on the walls of this house.

Okay. Erin, you're right, but I don't want to give it to you. Wow. Because you solved it too quickly.

Wow, you've been around in all of my arguments with my boyfriend. You're right, Erin, but I don't want you to win, so let's talk about this for another two hours.

What was the situation? They had to move out of their house once they soldwait, what was it?

Horace the Artist told his family that they had to move out of their current home because he had successfully sold all his paintings. The family was disappointed, but knew Horace was correct in his decision to relocate. Erin, you basically got it, but I need a little more context to seal the deal.

Yeah, because I don't understand. They were all murals on the wall.

In his home. And someone bought it.

Oh, someone bought his house. Yeah. Basically. Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

I would like to see a scene. Okay. You two are a... JPC, you're a realtor. And Adal, you're going into this house and JPC is trying to smooth over maybe an unconventional house for you to buy.

So, that's the house, you know, four bedroom, two and a half bath.

Yes, a watch-out bedroom is exactly what I'm looking for.

Exactly, three stories, and there is the basement. And again, before we go down into the basement, I will say that they are willing to put a significant amount of money in to refurnish and smooth over everything that's in the basement. In the basement, okay. It's quite the mess down here. No, no, no. It's actually obsessively clean. The state that it's in now is not the state that it will be in when you move in. It won't be in Kentucky. I'm sorry. It'll still be in Kentucky. You said the state that it'll be in now.

It's not the state that it'll be in then. Unless Indiana invades. It's going to still be Kentucky. I don't see that kind of thing. Can I ask you something before we trudge down these stairs here? This isn't a home alone situation, is it? I'm not going to go down there and see a furnace screaming at me because I've been there before, my friends. A furnace screaming at you? Yes, a furnace making a face and screaming. Tight zoom on the furnace. I may not remember this movie. What am I thinking of? I thought it was Home Alone.

Well, you know what? I only know about the parts where there's, you know, dirty animals and all that stuff. Okay. I'm thinking of the one where he is lost in New York.

Okay. Well, what's the one where, is it Home Alone where someone kills his dog and then he goes on a vengeance spree?

Okay, let's come down here, come down through the stairs, and open up this door, and here is the basement. Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, we will get all the plastic wrapping cleared up. I believe... Is this where Laura Palmer was going?

I have to ask because I've been burned before.

You know what? I couldn't say for sure. I will say that all of these tools will be gone. They are the owner's tools and the owner is taking the tools with them.

Is the owner the lead singer of Tool Maynard Keegan? Kegels?

Kegel Michael Kean. What's his name? It's Kegel Michael Kean. I can't release the owner's name. You know, contractual obligations and everything. Oh, congratulations. You're already in contractuals? Yes, I'm having contractuals in six months. So thank you so much. Yes. Yeah, it's actually pre-me. No. Pre-me-be-be-be-be-be is the baby's name. Will be the baby's name.

Oh, very nice. I love that. I have a bare daughter myself.

Oh, really? No condom or? Nope. Okay.

This is what happens when I'm not in a scene.

So, Erin, you are right, but there needs to be a little bit more context in order for us to move on.

I don't know what you mean, sir.

So he's an artist, he sold his house.

He painted his house.

And he painted his house.

And he sold it.

Okay, do you want me to give you the answer? Yes. Okay, Horace was a caveman. The paintings he sold were on the walls of his cave, where they were living. Once the wall paintings were sold, they no longer had a cave to live in. You know how cavemen sold... This is stupid.

This one's stupid.

Erin, you said this is what happens when you're not in a scene. I want to see a scene where you... I'm going to do the same voice as the bear. Great. Where you are a... Was that a threat? Where you're a cave woman artist, and Japes and I are art critics, or you put on a gallery like... An art show? An art show, sure. Is that the term?

I think so.

Sure it is, a better term. You're putting on a show with all your paintings and stuff. Exhibit? Exhibit, thank you. Ooh, I get to play exhibit? Japes and I are pimping your ride. We're two art critics or potential buyers, and you're trying to tell us about your art.

Hmm. This speaks to me. I love it. I don't know why I love it.

Well, this is a depiction of the time I killed a bunny and was not satisfied with the food. So I went out again and I killed a larger animal.

What was the larger animal? Oh, I guess it's in the painting here. Man. It's another caveman. It's a caveman. Yeah.

Okay. Interesting. And it's sort of just like a metaphor for eating a bunny and then a man.

So it's a metaphor for the story that you just told that's very literal? Interesting. Isn't this a little derivative? Isn't this a little Jason derivative?

Yeah, the man I killed is Jason Derivative. And he put up a fight.

And I see here on the cave wall you had a huge cock and you painted over that.

Yeah, because it just didn't seem like that would have mass appeal.

Really?

For what release? Yeah, he was pretty pissed.

A giant rooster wouldn't have mass appeal to buyers.

Yeah, he was pretty pissed. Come over here to this painting. This is a painting of me.

Okay, it looks exactly like Willem Dafoe.

It kind of looks like Jesus. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, me and my partner just saw a Willem Dafoe movie where he played Jesus. The Last Temptation of the White House.

I get that a lot that I look like Willem Dafoe. Willem Dafoe in that spirit.

That's not what we said. We said the painting looks like Willem Dafoe.

Well, it's a painting of me. And I look like Willem Dafoe then.

I think you look more like a Billy Crudup.

Okay, um, so. That's a compliment. What are we thinking here? We want to buy these paintings?

I think you look a little more like Willem Dafoe, no.

We're gonna buy these paintings.

We're catty. What's that? We're catty.

We're gonna buy these paintings.

Um, yeah, we'd like to make a purchase. We'd like to purchase the Willem Dafoe one. How much for that?

Uh, let's see, uh, I don't know what money is, so.

I'm sorry, would you?

How about you give me fire?

Would you like some cookies? Hold on, hold on.

For what? What?

Say fire again. Fire?

Prometheus. Prometheus, think hard before you do this, okay? She sounds like Miss Piggy.

Fire?

Listen, I'm Prometheus. I brought fire down from the mountaintop from the gods to the people. Do you know who I am?

Yeah, I do.

And this over here is Sisyphus. Do you know Sisyphus? Yes. Now he famously pushes a rock uphill both ways.

No, that's my punishment, but we don't know why I deserve that. Yeah, what did you do? Uh, are you familiar with the Pokemon Blue Java month? Oh yes. Save.

Save. Give us another one.

Give us a Riddle Daddy? Give us another one. Steve the Runner had just run a mile at full speed. Who gives a shit? That's easy.

Do it now. I will give you $100. I can't because I'll throw up if I try. Do a lap around this building. I'll give either of you $100 if you get up from this recording and do a lap around this building.

We're not like you. We don't need money. And Erin, I know you don't have it. Fuck. You famously owe us thousands of dollars for the snacks that we bring to recording.

Somehow I'm paying your alimony.

Remember the alimony. Face. Steve the runner had just run a mile at full speed. He was not wearing a shirt, nor shoes and socks. When Susie looked at Steve's back, there was no sweat, nor was there evidence of perspiration on Steve's legs or chest. Yet Steve was clearly sweating. What going on? He's got no shirt, no shoes, no socks. He just ran a mile at full speed. Sorry, this is a Marvin Gaye riddle. You need to tell me what's going on. Don't punish me. And then my dad has to shoot me.

That's true. That's how he went. Okay. No, he's sweating, but it's not on specific parts of his body.

No shoes? Nope, spurvis. It's not, so he's clearly sweating. Gotcha. But there's no evidence of perspiration on his legs or chest. Or back. Is Steve a dog? We are getting too good at this. Steve is a racing dog. Dogs sweat on their paws and nose, not on their backs, chest or legs, the way humans do. And if he's panting, he's clearly sweating.

He's clearly sweating because they can't regulate their heat. Regulators. God, I love a panting dog. You love the panting dogs? I love panting dogs. Going up to a dog at a high school party, pulling their pants down from another pretty dog. Have you guys ever seen a dog who was panting who wasn't exuberantly happy?

Yeah.

You have a sad life.

Well, isn't that how they cool themselves down? Not every hot dog.

Not every hot dog.

Not all hot dogs.

Not all hot dogs.

Erin, I'm tired of your defense. No, listen to me. Not all hot dogs are happy. When dogs are too hot, they're usually like, fuck this. Yeah. Why bother? Why bother coming the 10 miles here?

Why are you defending hot dogs?

Okay, because here's the thing.

What's the hottest dog, in your opinion?

Like sexy? Huskies, for sure. Never mind.

What's the sexiest dog?

Can you read the riddle again?

I thought we solved it. We solved it.

Oh.

It wasn't... Erin, I want to see a scene.

Wait, seriously, wait, no, no, wait. What was the riddle?

It was the dog was panting. What was the riddle?

Or what was the answer? Okay. Okay. I see. I see. I see. I see.

The dog was sweating through his nose and his paws. I want to see a scene. Okay. Japes, you're going to be a dog that committed a crime. Okay. Erin and I are playing the detectives trying to break you and you're clearly starting to sweat, but maybe don't show it fully.

Okay, puppy. Sit. I'm good cop. This is bad cop.

Roll over on your accomplices. Roll over on them. I'm not going to tell you anything.

I'm not going to tell you shit.

What about this ball? Here's the ball. I want it.

Tell me what you did.

You taught... what did you do?

What did you do, good boy?

What did you do, good boy?

Here, let me try a different tactic. Here's the dead woman. Let me rub your nose in it. Bad dog, bad dog. What's a good boy?

Who's my good boy? Me? Me? Oh, and what's a good boy? He's gonna tell me the truth, huh? The good boy's gonna tell me the truth?

Okay, I'll tell you... Wait. What is it? Well, there's a corpse in the room. What is it, my own asshole? Come on. What's the most delicious? Don't eat your own ass.

Come on, Chief, come in here. He's eating his own ass.

This is great. Chief is our office dog. Chief, come in here. Oh la la, that's a hot dog.

Wait, do I smell...

Other dog's ass? Why don't you two at least eat each other's ass? You're just eating your own.

It takes one to know one.

I hope our new logo is just two dogs eating their own ass. And it says not all dogs.

I hope our new logo is just a fan giving me a hug. Not like an oscillating fan.

It's jumping your arms off. Erin, after this episode, we won't have fans. Fans, where we're going, we don't need fans. Oh boy, let's go.

I would love it if it was a fan, giving a fan a hug and it is just an oscillating fan. It's like, ow, ow, ow.

When Mrs. Sullivan walked into her room, there was acid on the floor. Hmm. Guys, I know the answer to this, and I'm going to say that this is my favorite.

The drug. Acid, the drug.

Is it the drug acid that's on the floor? It is not the drug acid that's on the floor. I thought it was like the 90210 for Mel Rose Place. So it's not the drug acid, was it acetone? It is not acetone. When Mrs. Sullivan walked into her room, there is acid on the floor. Though Mrs. Sullivan observed that acid was on the floor, she did not say or do anything. The floor was not harmed in any way. Okay, Erin.

Let's do the brain trust here. What do we think? This is a specific type of acid. What's her name? Mrs. What? Sullivan. She's Irish. She's Irish.

Potato acid.

Post potatoes. Potatoes. What could it have been? Did she not say or do anything because she is in some way being like kidnapped? Yeah, she's so drunk she can't see in front of herself. She's not being kidnapped. She's not drunk. She has full possession of her faculties.

So, Adal, it's a very, like, different kind of asset.

Well, she doesn't own the other teachers. Full possession of her faculties? No, I'm talking about the movie, The Faculty, where John Stewart gets his face melted off. Underrated movie. Yeah. I would rate it at a zero. It actually comes in a little under that. Robert Duvall's daughter's in that. Really?

Leah Duvall. Wow, Leah Duvall. And Josh Hartnett maybe? No. No? Maybe. Could be. What happened to Josh Hartnett? That's the real riddle. Where's Josh Hartnett?

That's what this whole show's been leading up to. We've been training to figure out that.

You know the podcast Missing Richard Simmons? Let's do that, but it's like...

Josh Hartnett.

Hello, Josh Hartnett.

Okay.

Let's do this. Let's put a celebrity death clock on Josh Hartnett. I think he's got four more years.

I'm gonna Google him.

He was in Sin City. That was what? 10 years ago?

20 years ago? 2002? He was in Black Hawk Down. He was in 30 Days and 30 Nights or something. Lucky number 11? The vampire movie. Lucky number 11. He was in that vampire movie. 30 Days or 39th. How old do you think he is now? 41? I think he's 40... 45?

You got it right away. He's 41. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm IMDBing now.

He's young. 41's young. Let's see you guys.

John Hartnett. Oh, he's still doing movies. Okay, good.

Name two.

Ooh, nothing that I even seems remotely familiar. Yeah. He's in upcoming movies? That's a title though. Target number one, Cash Truck. He's in a show called Paradise Lost coming out.

Is Cash Truck just like Cash Cab? Josh Hardin is in a movie called Cash Truck. But he's picking up hitchhikers in a semi.

Did you see any of these movies? Okay. Inherit the Viper.

I want to see a scene.

Valley of the Gods. She's missing.

I have to see a scene. I want to see the premiere episode of Josh Hartnett's, what do we say, a cash truck? So Japes are going to be Josh Hartnett. You're driving a semi along Route 66 and you're not only delivering goods, you're delivering the goods in terms of a trivia contest. Erin, you're a hitchhiker who got picked up and unknowingly is now partaking in this game show.

Hey friend, where are you going? Thanks for pulling over. Just as far as you can take.

Great. Hop up in. Don't throw that flashlight at me.

Here I go.

Up, up, up, up.

I really appreciate you letting me in here. Actually, you're on Cash Truck, and I'm Josh Hartnett. What in the fuck is a cash truck?

You may know some of the other movies that I've been in, like The Last Viper, and Wizbag, and Tiddlywinks. I was in 40 days and 40 nights. No. Really? No. I fucked a flower in that movie? Nope. Okay, anyway. Well, I'm Josh Hartnett. I'm an actor. Lucy Liu is a friend of mine? Nope. Oh, okay. Anyway, we are in a cash truck. Here's the way it goes. It's just like cash cab. It's a show. I have a very thin understanding of how the show works. We're going to take you as far as you go until you get an answer wrong and then you get kicked out of this truck and back into the desert to hitchhike your way home wherever you're going.

All right.

All right. First question. Name one movie that I was in.

Oh, fuck me.

Just a bunch of them.

Ma'am, can we get you another blanket?

No, it's okay.

I just want to say I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Now, of course, as you know, at this point, there is no cash truck. That's not a show.

No, and that was not Josh Hardin. And that was not Josh Hardin.

You were abducted by a deranged man.

Yeah, which was so strange, because I'm also a serial killer. And when two serial killers meet, you go like, what? Something's got to give, you know?

Fuck, I want to bring you in, but... Do you have any evidence that you committed these crimes?

No, I'm pretty good at it. Just out of curiosity, can you name one Josh Hartnett movie?

I want to say Tiddlyweeks.

I'm gonna keep reading some of these until we go, we'll find the year that you finally recognize one.

I legit don't know any of those movies.

Alright, we're gonna go back until you do. Ready? Inherit the Viper.

No.

Valley of the Gods. No. She's missing.

No.

She's all missing? She's all missing!

Wait, when I take off your glasses and your overalls, you're gone.

The long home.

The long home? Home?

No. Oh Lucy. The Ottoman lieutenant.

What?

The Ottoman lieutenant?

Wild horses.

Sir, you need to get off the couch. Wild horses is an improv team.

Parts per billion.

No.

Stuck between stations. What? Girl walks into a bar. Wait, wait. I've heard of girl walks into a bar. Have you really?

Who's in that? I don't know. I've heard of girl walks into a bar. What year was it? No, I'm sorry, I'm thinking of a joke.

Really? You made me click on that for nothing. I come with the rain.

August. Porn?

Stories USA, 30 days of night. Wait, wait, wait.

30 days of night is the one we're talking about. What year is that? What year is that? 2007. That's the vampire one from 2007. That's the last one I remember him being in. He fucks a flower? No, no, no. That's 30 days and 30 nights. 40 days and 40 nights.

Yeah, we mentioned that. Black Hawk Down.

I mentioned that. Pearl Harbor.

I mentioned Pearl Harbor.

I mentioned that. The Virgin Suicide. He was in financial trouble.

He was in financial trouble right now.

I'm going to have to read his Wikipedia later. Josh, if you're out there, we know you're listening. Come on the show. Bring us coffee. Explain yourself.

Come on the show, we'll give you a day's work. I asked for cream. Splash! We'll give you a fair wage at a day's work. Josh Hartnett, come on the show, earn your keep. Hey Adal, hit me up with another one of them smooth riddles, my man. Oh, well, we haven't solved the last one.

Are you kidding me? When Mrs. Sullivan walked into the room, there was acid on the floor.

Though Mrs. Sullivan observed the acid was on the floor, she did not save or do anything. The floor was not harmed in any way. Was it an acid, David? Well, I gave you a hint in terms of you said, did she have her faculties? Did she own her faculties? And I said, you know, she didn't own the rest of the teaching staff. So the answer, a hint is that she's a teacher. She's a teacher. Science teacher.

Yeah, science teacher. Sure, whatever you want. Was this a chem lab? Did she walk into a chem lab? Possibly, but that's not important. Okay.

What is the room that she walked into important? It's her classroom. Is the type of acid important? Acid-washed genes. The type of acid is very much important. And it's not the chemical.

Okay, and it's not the drug?

It's not the drug. It's not the Chance the Rapper album.

It's like a cleaning thing?

It's not acid wraps? It's not acid wraps. It's not a cleaning thing. It's not acid. What are other types of acid? Erin said acid wash jeans, which is cool. And here's the reason it's my favorite riddle of all time. Why? It makes zero sense.

Oh, I can't wait for them to tell us. Fuck you, I thought it was going to be good. You're a bear who's trapped in an olive garden.

We're going to get some breadsticks. What is it? Acid was the name of one of Mrs. Sullivan's pupils. Acid was lying on the floor reading a book in the reading center. I want to see a scene.

No, no, no. We all have to sit in silence for 10 seconds.

Acid is a human name in this example? Like acid would be like the name of a frog acid or something. Riddles are back and they suck. I can write riddles. You know, Chef Chris is in the kitchen and he's eating.

For those at home, Japhe's sweating profusely.

She has my nose and my paws.

I can write riddles.

I hate riddles again. Chef boy or boy? Chef boy or boy?

We have to end on that one. There's no topping it.

There's no topic. You could throw a cherry, some whipped cream, and sprinkles on there. There's no topic.

What are some names that are worse than naming your kid acid?

Reflux.

Apple.

Corduroy.

Little butthole.

Rob Corduroy was nice though. Here, we're gonna go, we're gonna end this episode. We'll still do plugs and everything, but I wanna, we're gonna end the final scene. Thank God we'll still do plugs. Erin singing her country song, maybe with some backup vocals. Okay. Her country song, Little Butthole.

And maybe it's just gonna be like Honk Honk beep to Honk. Honk butt. Little Butthole. Go ahead.

Little Butthole. Where did you go, little butthole? You're a tiny hole, little butthole. I can't find you, little butthole. I'm scared because I'm trying to poop. Where'd you go? I can't find my butthole on my body. I'm getting real scared because I'm trying to get naughty and I can't find my butthole in time. Where'd my little butt hole go? Where'd my little butt hole go?

We're getting hot and heavy, gonna have anal sex, but I can't find what's back there right next. And I'm searching to and fro, can't find the hole, got the littlest anus that you ever did know.

Where did my little butthole go? Where did my little butthole go?

Okay, give me two more minutes. I'll plug in all these machines. We can start recording. Speaking of plugging in machines. Oh yeah. Japes, do you have anything to plug in? Let's think of things that I would like to plug in. Glade? Yeah. Glade candles. I would say if you would like to come and see our live shows, but you don't live in a city where we are doing our live shows, join our Patreon. We put all of our live shows on the Patreon. That's patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle.

Good, good content.

Hey! Erin, anything you want to plug? Follow me, erinkeif10, on Instagram, and there will be more fun stuff over there soon enough.

Hell yeah. I want to do a quick doctor recommendations. Please check out the TV show, The Circle, on Netflix. It's a reality show that's so awful. It's amazing. The first episode you think, Ernie Neekam got me into this. The first episode you think, I hate all these characters and I'll never enjoy any of them. And then by the end, you're attached to a lot of them. So check out the circle. Also, I want to plug a little show called Infinity Train, which I was telling Erin about. It's on Cartoon Network and it's basically a cross between Stranger Things, Adventure Time, and Steven Universe. It's a girl gets on a mysterious train and there's sort of infinite numbers of carts and each one she goes into is like its own little universe with its own weird reality and it's fucking fantastic. My favorite, I couldn't stop laughing, there's a cart she walks into maybe the second or third episode that's just all ducks and she's trying to, it's her and her robot friend and a king dog, a dog that's a king. And they're making their way through all the ducks and she grabs one of the ducks and he looks insane and he goes, can you help me find my normal eyes? And for whatever reason that made me laugh so hard. I kept rewinding it because I was like this is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Can you help me find my normal eyes?

But watch Infinity Train, it's fantastic. Okay! Erin, speaking of infinite trains, if a train leaves the earth... Hey Soul Sister, Angel is the mister on the radio.

Mario and Jupiter, I love you though. Bye!

I should have done jobs with Jupiter.

See, I would want to be a baby. It's a train song.

Bye Infinity.

Starting your achievement. And John Patrick Coan. That was a hate gun podcast.