Which Riddle Riddle?

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The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're gonna finish. It wasn't the cabin of an airplane.

Give me some puss, make it good, or else forget about it. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. And it's a hot one.

What is it? Episode eight? Adal has so much energy.

I don't know. What is going on? What the fuck?

You just like, you're opening.

Yeah, episode eight, you really brought it.

Episode eight, you're allowed.

So you're saying episodes nine to now, I've been failing?

No, I just think you were so scared of us just immediately shitting on you that... Yeah, I guess that's true.

My friends and I in college, there was like a year in college where a few of my friends, anywhere we went, we would talk in the lyrics of Smooth, where we'd go to get dinner and then one of us would be like, give me my change, make it dimes, or else forget about it. Just being obnoxious. Make me some lunch, make it shrimp, or else forget about it.

I don't want shrimp for lunch. What else am I doing the rest of the day? Do I have no other plans?

Make me some lunch implies that maybe like you're making it in the morning to eat at lunch and it's like you're preparing shrimp and then letting it wait.

Japes, Japes, it's smooth. Forget about it, Japes, it's smooth.

Gimme a peanut butter, make it smooth. Or else forget about it.

Do you pack, you're the only one of us who has like a nine to five. Do you pack your lunch in the morning?

No way. No way, Jose. I go to Chipotle.

What's that? My name's Erin.

Your name tag says Jose. Oh shit, okay, hold on. I eat lunch like Chipotle or whatever similar. Does Taurus, Kadoba, I rotate between those. I don't pack my lunch. I do order online though. Ooh, I skipped that wait, baby. Never gonna wait. Never gonna wait. I do that with Starbucks now.

And I just breeze past people like I'm the queen.

Ooh, that woman is the queen.

Who's that lady? Oh, with D-Day having your in a Starbucks line, you're so poor.

Who's that lady? She just tore her skirt by stepping on it.

Shut up.

She got her entire dress caught in the door. The dress took her door and she kept walking.

And now she's having a fight with a dog? And the dog's winning, verbally.

It's a verbal fight and the dog's winning.

Alright, okay, you know I had a rough week.

Getting a fight with a dog and the dog won.

Is it boring if I ask what your Chipotle order is? Do you think the audience will be bored?

No, it's one of the most interesting orders. It's so controversial. I can't wait. It's not. I get a burrito bowl. I get light brown rice, half and half on the beans. Very light. The brown rice is so light that it's completely bleached.

Interesting.

Like a butthole. Oh yeah, like mine. Hairless, bleached. And then fajita peppers, pico de gallo, guacamole, lettuce.

Oh, because you're a vegetarian.

I do not eat the meat, but I also don't like the sofritas that they have at a fuckin' Chipotle. Ugh, it's so gross. It's like wet tofu. It's nasty. But Dos Toros and Cadoba both have impossible ground beef now.

And it's good?

It's good, yeah. But it's also like, I don't like either one of those restaurants as much. So it's really a slog.

Here's what I think. I think they're just serving you meat.

No, like Soil and Green.

It's people. No, it's just meat. Oh, the impossible meat? Yeah, and then they're like, we said it was fucking impossible. Like, what do you want from us? What do you want from us? We lied to you. We're airtight legally because we said it's impossible.

Adal, is it boring if I know your Chipotle order?

My Chipotle order is I don't speak to Chipotle.

I'm just setting myself up to be such a good friend here from now. I don't mean Chipotle. Why?

I mean, I have in the past, but it's not, I don't think I've been to Chipotle in a year and a half. What are you eating?

What do you want you to know, my man? What do you want you to know, my man?

Oh boy, what do I eat a lot? What do you snack on my good boys? A lot of stuff from Costco. I love the yakisoba from Costco. I love their broccoli cheddar soup, eating a lot of pasta, a lot of Long John Silvers. Not doing so hot.

If you're eating at Costco, you just have to eat. When you buy something at Costco, you buy it in bulk. If you buy soup at Costco, you're having soup for three days straight, my man.

Can I say, Erin, I took you to Costco for the first time a few months ago.

It was wild. I think you can hear about it over on the Patreon.

I no longer, when I go to Costco, I no longer eat the samples because the people there are fucking sharks. Oh yeah. Like people circle the sample table and as soon as there's some out, they'll grab like six or they'll have their kids grab them and it becomes like, it's like competitive sports and it's nasty and I hate it.

Me and Mariah were at Costco this weekend and they brought brownies out a little brownie oven and Ashley was walking up to them, fucking gone.

Sharks. I get like boxed out like the rebound. What's that? People are just insane. I'm like, I don't want to do this.

The point of those samples is to buy the product. And I was like, we've had those brownies. We don't need the brownies. Try something we've never had before.

But to throw a fucking bow in my neck, Erin, that's short for elbow, to throw a fucking bow in my neck because you want a rich cracker with tuna salad on it.

Also, the samples at Costco are overhyped on the food side. The real samples are on the appliances side. Or the pharmacy.

They give you a little bit of TV to eat.

Let me sample a shark vacuum cleaner for 15 seconds. Oh, maybe. He sucked all over my body.

I don't think you're allowed back in there.

He's not allowed back in there. He didn't even work there.

But I called and said that he was the best employee that they've ever had.

I'd like to give an employee a raise. Erin, you were just in New York and you saw Harry Potter.

Oh my God, I did.

You got to tell us about it.

Oh my God. I'll tell you all about it. Well, without any spoilers.

Tell me something.

I've seen it twice. Yeah. And so no one else listens to this. So I think it's pretty safe to say you can talk about your experience. You see it in two different days though, right?

Well, you can see it in one day too, like on Sundays and Saturdays. Okay.

Why am I being yelled at?

Am I yelling? In my headphones I'm so loud right now that I could be yelling and I have no idea. Called that Jose. But I saw it Thursday, Friday night, and oh my God, oh my gosh. So I hyped it up to my boyfriend so much that he was like, we need to go. So we already bought tickets and I'm going back.

Oh, that's great.

When are you going? After our live show in February.

And before our live show, you and I are going to go see Hadestown.

I know. I'm so excited.

What are you more excited for? Hadestown probably. Time with your boyfriend or time with me?

Hadestown.

Have you seen Hadestown yet?

No, I haven't.

Oh, okay.

So I think seeing the new thing. But, so, I mean, I don't think Cursed Child is perfect by any means. And like all of the criticism of it, I think is fair and makes sense.

Haggard too tall.

Haggard too tall. I will say though.

Hashtag Hagrid Too Tall.

My body started to shut down because for six hours magic actually existed. And like the physics of that, I was saying to Adal last night that the coach, Steve on Big Mouth, when he sees magic for the first time, when that dove flies out and he bursts into tears and he's like, oh no, I didn't like it. That's how I felt the whole time. I was like, my body was getting angry that like physics didn't exist.

You know what you'd love? Getting high.

Maybe. But yeah, the magic of it really blew my mind and the theater is so gorgeous and I just, I went to school for theater for a little while and like I'm such a theater tech nerd. Like I love finding out how special effects work on stage. It's mind blowing what they can do.

Both times I saw it, the people I saw it with afterwards said, this show is going to cause so many people to go into theater.

I think so, yeah.

So many kids to go into tech or production or directing or acting or whatever it may be.

I mean, if you're a little kid and you're seeing fucking Broadway shows, probably yes. You're probably going into that.

One of the most, because you're rich, one of the most frustrating things, because some of the special effects come back without that spoiling, come back time and time again. And then I would think that I knew how something worked. I would be confident and be like, okay, I did enough tech theater classes to know the basic principle of what they're doing.

They're doing scumbling. It's a painting technique.

And then they would do it a fourth time, and how they did it that time would debunk completely my theory of what it was.

So they would break the fourth wall.

Yeah, they just were breaking.

Hashtag red rushes through like Kool-Aid man. Hashtag haggard too tall. Oh yeah, they're a wizard Harry.

And the first three hours definitely has the cooler magic, but the second three hours just made me cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

It's a song in the form of a play.

It's a limerick. I remember the OC. Anyways, I... Also, I don't want people to think that I'm rich, because I certainly am not, and those tickets are so expensive, but... Then why did you just torch $400 in the parking lot before we came in? Well, to make the world burn, of course.

And I don't want people to think I'm rich, I am big.

Yeah. I just bought the tickets so long ago that they were pretty inexpensive.

I don't want people to think I'm rich. Rich is my dad. My name's Dr. Horsecock.

Anyways, thank you for asking. Also, yeah, New York is so interesting.

They call me Dr. Horsecock. I'm not a real doctor, but I have a... New York. Tall buildings?

Some. Not all though. Times Square sucks. Everyone knows that though.

Everybody knows that.

But yeah, it was fun. I got to see some New York friends.

Hell yeah.

Mary Taylor Moore, your hair up in the air. My wig. Yeah. And then we've been gone a little while. I was gone for Thanksgiving too. I was in Massachusetts with my family.

The old turkey day.

How were your Thanksgivings?

Good. I hung out with my sister and saw, and brother-in-law Doug, and we saw Knives Out, which was phenomenal. Oh, so good. And then we saw Mr. Rogers, which was pretty terrible. To be honest, I fell asleep during Mr. Rogers. Ooh. And then I woke up, I think it's called like Beautiful Night in the Neighborhood, not Mr. Rogers, but I woke up at some point and it was very funny because after the movie, I was like, that was pretty bad. And my sister's like, well, you fell asleep, which I don't normally do. And she goes, you missed it. Well, you fell asleep. He fucked that guy's wife. Solid bit. So then her and I were doing bits of like, hey there neighbor, did you know that I made you a cuck? That's a fun little word, isn't it? Can you say it with me? Sounds like something from a barn, huh? Cuck.

It's nothing sacred, Adal. Can we just, of all the people that leave alone, it should be Mr. Rogers.

I sang a little song. It's good. So it's in the, if we, if the pretense is that he fucked his neighbor's wife, Mr. Rogers, she'll have a baby in nine months time. The name will be yours. The face will be mine.

Is he taking off his shoes?

Could you be? He's putting on condoms. Could you be? Did I fuck my neighbor?

We ruin everything. Everything we touch turns to dust, you guys.

Your wife shuddered against my massive paws. Stop it!

Can you say massive?

I guess my Mr. Rogers is just Ronald Reagan.

Yeah, it really is.

Call me the Gipper.

Sean fell asleep during Frozen. Out like a light. 40 minutes in. Sound asleep.

Not even Frozen 2? Frozen?

Frozen 2, when we saw it in theaters. Sound asleep. Missed all the good parts. Woke up and then I said, you can't say you saw Frozen 2.

When I saw Frozen 2, I was laughing my ass off.

Do another one.

When I saw Frozen 2, I had to get the Elsa out of there. There's the only two characters I know. I know, I knew that. Pump the brakes.

Well this has been fun. Do you had a good little break?

Oh yeah, Thanksgiving was the same for me. I got dressed down by a Best Buy employee. I got kicked out of a comp USA for pink.

By dressed down? By dressed down, you mean that they put you in a khakis in a blue polo?

And then vacuumed you again?

Shark vacuum. He took my hair down, took my glasses off, made me a hot nerd.

I'm proud.

Yeah, it's great. Very good.

Great. Well, now we're all cut up. This is nice. Are we ready for some riddles? Oh, I'm old man puzzles. That's why we, it's been 12 minutes and we haven't done any riddles. I take the longest to get started, but I like to like... You Billy Joel it.

You're the piano man.

I'm going to start with some really easy riddles that you should get right away.

Okay.

That's such a fucking thing to say.

Every fucking time you do that, we don't get them and you're like, yikes.

I know, it's sort of a fun power trap. It makes me feel very good.

Erin said that she was going to start with easy riddles and then she made finger guns at both of us and blew our bear.

Pew pew. His stealing made his parents proud. They did not think of him as a thief.

His stealing made his parents... Oh, he's a baseball player.

Yep. See?

Nice. Ricky Henderson. Oh, Ricky Henderson. That's a baseball player.

As he picked up the plates, all six fell on the brick floor. Not one plate was broken.

Baseball player again. He's picking up the plates. Ground crew picking up the plates. It's at the brickyard, 500, 400. No. Oh, the plates are tectonic plates and he's God. Tell me something, God.

That's funny.

Are you picking up tectonic plates? Can you reread it? Oh, I'd love to.

I'd love to. As he picked up the plates, all six fell on the brick floor. Not one plate was broken.

They're rubber plates. No. Flumber plates.

Yeah, they were flop. They were Robin Williams.

Platelets. Flumber plates. Dropped on the floor. Didn't break. Is that good? I like it.

Oh, mother fuck. It's not good. It's great. It's great. Oh boy. You dropped the plates.

You're sort of close, JPC.

Oh, they're plastic plates. Paper plates. They're paper plates. Paper plates.

M.I.A.

All I want to do is boom, boom, boom, boom, and a chick in a mmm. Fuck your neighbor. You bad boy. Yes.

Kevin faced three bulls from three rings. He was overjoyed and totally unafraid.

Three bulls, three rings. Michael Jordan, Scott Bipin, BJ Armstrong. And they all wear championship rings. They're all wearing championship rings. That's actually a great answer.

That is a way better answer than this one. A quick fun hint for this one that this one makes no sense and is stupid.

And you said this is one of the easy ones we should get?

You're not going to get this one.

Fuck you, Jose. Cool. I want to see a brief little scene where everyone else has massive food poisoning. Erin, Adal, and I are the only three members of the Chicago Bulls that are able to play in the game. We've never played a game of professional basketball before. You need five people to field a team, but we're going to go out there and do it with three.

Okay, can you guys just do like, can someone do a talk that's going to motivate us just really quick before we go out there?

You want us to do the talk?

Yeah, the coach is sick. Someone needs to get me motivated.

Can we spend this time actually, can we spend this time just reviewing the fundamentals of basketball?

While we're in the huddle, can we get some reps in? Because every time I dribble, it just goes right off my foot.

When I dribble too, Ed, I'm doing the same thing. When I dribble, I dribble it onto the top of my foot, and then it goes off at an angle. So it doesn't come back up to my hand.

Can I ask a question if no one judges me? Sure. Can you be off-size in basketball?

Off-size? Off-sides. Off-sides. I thought you meant how one of your legs is two inches longer than the other one.

That's true.

This is not the time. I'm sorry. This is not the time. It's important that we talk about our shortcomings if we're going to go out there and win a basketball game together.

And that, what JPC actually said is true.

And your name is Ed and this and my name is JPC.

Sure. Hey, can I tell you guys something? I just found this out. I saw one of the people's tickets in the stands. We're playing the Harlem Globetrotters.

We're going to lose.

So just know, I don't know how we defend against somebody bringing a ladder on the court to dunk.

We're having a bucket of water, but the bucket is paper.

Okay. And I know the point where it's going to dress up like a woman, like an old woman. And come on.

I mean, also all the whistling, all the whistling.

We can play this to our advantage. It sounds like they have the same understanding of the fundamentals of the game as we do.

So, you know, make all those trick shots from the halfway mark.

I can make trick shots. It'll be a trick that I didn't make the shot. I'll say, surprise.

We could do this. Sorry. I just have to backtrack to halfway mark.

I don't know. And then traveling is when you don't dribble and you just run with the ball.

I wish halfway Mark was here, he'd know what to do.

Same.

So is that the answer?

Yeah.

Is that the answer?

It has nothing to do with basketball.

So, okay, what is it? It's like a man has three... Three bowls.

Kevin faced three bowls from three rings. He was overjoyed and totally unafraid.

Is bowl spelled B-O-W-L-S? No, B-U-L-L-S. Three bowls. Oh, he is editing Night Court.

Oh, three rings. He's using one of those looking glass, spy glass telescopes, and it has three rings in it to amplify the image.

No. What the fuck, Erin? But the rings are not like how they're implying rings are, and the bulls are not how they're... It was a stock market? Yeah.

The ringing of the bell and then bull bear market.

You're getting sort of there. That's close enough that maybe I'd give this to you. Wait, you said, yeah, and then you backed up. Well, like when you said market, and then the way that you said rings is not correct.

It's not the ringing of the bell to open the market? No. Three rings. So the bulls are the market?

What goes ring, ring, ring?

Telephone. Yes. He's phoning. So the three rings are three phone calls. My girlfriend.

Nice! That's funny. That's actually, that's like pretty solid comedy.

Oh, Frodo and Sam eyes.

I don't know, Gollum, ring, ring, ring. What does Gollum's telephone go?

Precious, precious, precious, precious. Ring Ring Ring. What is this?

This Korean water ghost hauling out of my TV? I gotta see a scene. Japes are gonna be Gollum and you were receiving a telephone call and Erin you're gonna be Gollum's gal.

Okay. I'm receiving the phone call?

You're receiving the phone call.

Precious, precious, precious, precious. Hello?

Let me suck down this fish. Oh, I came. Thank you. Have a good night.

Uh, shoot, I was gonna tell you, I was gonna ask if you were hungry. Precious? I was gonna ask if you were hungry.

Oh, I could always eat a fat little hobbit's precious.

Um, I have a... Was that what you were in the mood for, or...? I wanted to maybe just have a talk now that I have you on the phone. I've been thinking all day. I've been really distracted at work.

Nasty talking. I hates me. I hates talking. Talking about feelings? Nasty feelings.

Well, this is what I mean. I feel like we don't really get into our feelings much. And I just sort of want to talk about our future and like where we see ourselves in three years.

Okay, three years from now I have the pressure. So wear it. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel powerful. Gollum. Gollum.

And we've flashed back two years to when it was Erin, you're still your character, and J.P. Hsu were Smeagol at the time. Okay.

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you.

I'm trying to fish.

See?

It's like Urkel and, what is it? Steve Urkel and Steve Urkel or whatever? When he becomes suave. Oh, yeah. Remember when Urkel becomes suave? Mm-hmm.

Let's finish this joke. What does my girlfriend and golem have in common? They both?

They both turn invisible. They both... What is my girlfriend? They both killed a friend. In golem heaven. They both killed a friend with a rock.

I met them both at the anti-circus.

Three rings, anti-circus. They both love precious moments. My precious. God.

Because I feel like the only answer is maybe something, the sexist thing, They won't stop talking about rings. I think we can do a different one.

They're both mostly bald in a specific area.

That's my favorite. We got it. All right, are we ready?

Gollum only had those three wispy pieces of hair.

Wouldn't he just cut those off?

Was he home or something? Oh, boy, get me my ring, boys. Homie.

You sound like the guy, the Kronos from God of War. Boy, boy, get me the ring. What does it say, boy? That's Kronos. No, Kronos. No, Kronos, Kravos. Krip, Krip, Krip, Krip. Let him go. Krip, Krip, Krip. He has to find it. Kevin.

He's on his own journey now. We'll miss Adal, but he needs to do this one on his own. You got close enough. I'm just going to read it.

Just so you know, I love the God of War games. I would love to see like, you know how the Witcher's getting its Netflix show or probably by this time it comes out already has its Netflix show. I would love it if they told Vin Diesel that they were giving him a Netflix Kratos show and really just like shot like a Funny or Die video. Vin Diesel's Kratos. It never came out. It's just like a prank that they play on him.

That would be amazing.

Just to get him to wear like woad paint.

Put the ashes of his dead wife and kids on his body.

I'm just going to read you the answer because you circled it. You're ringing a bull? Kevin was a stockbroker who received three phone calls, the three rings, from three clients who desired to buy stocks in a bull market. I can't believe you got that essential part of what the bull meant. That was very impressive.

Bull market. Bulls and bears, baby. I don't look around it, but I'm dumb.

What?

I don't look around it. That's a real, that's like humble brag. I don't look it, but I'm dumb. I'm dumb.

Girl, I'm dumb. I found out, I was talking to, when I was talking to this video over Thanksgiving, I found some new youth speak, which she's just doing a play with a bunch of kids. Oh, spill the tea. Hm? Spill the tea? Well, that's what it is. It's, they say period, but with a T, so they say period. So like, he's like the coolest boy ever, period. Oh, really? He's kind of fun. And then we also learned today from the World News Christmas Party that there's an epidemic, at least in Chicago, of little kids in like preschool saying booty butt. What? Like a lot of the parents at the World News Party were saying that booty butt has infiltrated their preschool and that all the teachers are freaking out and they're like, booty butt's a bad word, stop saying booty butt.

What's the context in which they're saying booty butt?

They just say the word booty butt. Is booty butt a bad word?

Why would it be? What's the source?

Well, that's how it... Rob, so it was Bobby and Marla both have their kids saying booty butt, but they learned it from different schools. But at Rob's school, it's one of the kids' older brother taught it to him. And so then it like infested the whole preschool where they're all saying booty butt.

Why do little kids love booty butt?

But Rob's daughter now thinks bad words are fuck and booty butt. So at the party, I was like, I was like fake dancing with her at the party and I was like, booty butt, booty butt. And her face went like wide and I was like, booty, booty, booty butt. It was very funny.

Did Rob yell at you?

No. Have you met Rob?

Yeah. Did Rob just like sigh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were doing a bit about his infant son being in the 99th percentile for that ass.

I want to see a scene.

What?

I just love the term Booty Butt so much. I want to see a scene. Japes and Erin, you are two preschoolers and you are learning. You have heard the scuttlebutt, which is these new words that are making its way into the preschool that you know are probably bad.

Do you want to make a sandcastle?

Yeah, Lucy, let's make a sandcastle.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

Okay, don't tell anybody. But my older brother said the worst word that we could say at recess is tickle finger.

I'm sorry, say that again. Okay.

Tickle finger.

Tickle finger.

Five more minutes. Okay, thank you.

Thank you. You tickle finger.

What did you say? Lucy said it.

I didn't say it. I don't even know what that means. I truly don't even know what that means.

Did you call me tickle finger? What's a tickle finger? You called me one.

What is one?

Get in my van.

No, thank you.

Get in my van. Don't tell your teacher. Get in my van.

Wait a minute.

Hey, you.

You, get out of here. You've been warned. Sorry about that, kids.

What's a tickle finger?

Well, that's what that man was.

Scary. What do you think is the worst wear?

I mean, I don't want to say it on the air. Yeah, but I agree. It's that one.

I think we're all in agreement. It's not fuck.

I'd say the C word.

Yeah, I think the C word's the word. The C word.

Cancer.

The big C. I'm trying to think of things I thought were bad words when I was young.

I mean, I've said this on the podcast before, but my mom had a rule where we had no head words. We weren't allowed to say like poopy head or dumb head or idiot head.

So that's what I say.

Poopy cock and dumb cock. Yeah, we had to replace it with cock.

That's really, I would be super devastated if people, if anyone called me an idiot head. That'll gut me.

Yeah.

You idiot head.

But they are my favorite alt rock band. Okay, computer. Knives out. Pick a fun guy's name. Hunter.

Okay. Kevin and Hunter inadvertently moved their team forward as they approached the finish line. Their blunder changed a sure victory into defeat. Their blunder? Their blunder.

They inadvertently moved their team forward as they approached the finish line. The finish line is the store in the mall. Can't find a finish line.

Can't find a blundermer.

Kevin and Hunter inadvertently moved their team forward as they approached the finish line. Their blunder changed a sure victory into defeat.

So they moved towards the finish line and then lost? So it's a finish line, so it's a race?

Yes.

Yes, okay. Is it a relay race?

No.

Is it a backwards race? Wait.

What do you mean by that?

Finish a race, get first place, or else forget about it. Is it a potato sack race? No. Their blunder made sure they got first place? No, their blunder put them in the history books as the biggest losers of the race. But that's any race. No, but they moved closer to the finish line. What?

Kevin and Hunter inadvertently moved their team forward as they approached the finish line. Their blunder changed a sure victory.

Tug of war.

No.

It's not a tug of war. Move their team towards the finish line.

They move their team forward, and that is a blunder.

So the finish line... So JPC was closest with backwards race.

What is a backwards race?

Who races backwards?

Well I'd say white people are backwards race. We get everything wrong.

We fuck it up for everyone. What race do you race backwards?

Yeah. Boy oh boy.

That would be... I will say, this is a hint, this is your hint, is when I read this, I understood that this, what it was. I got it right in my own head. Musical theater race? No, because of what part of the country?

Oh, e-car? Race backwards?

So I think this is maybe bigger. Boston Marathon.

Oh yeah, the Boston Marathon. Historically, they run it all backwards and blindfolded.

This is maybe a thing that people do that is really not, I don't know anyone in the Midwest.

Boxcar Derby.

Who did this. Maybe they do.

Would we know the phrase or the term or the words?

I mean, it's in the Olympics.

Do you wear a... Are you in a car?

No.

Are you in a bobsled?

No, you're in something.

You're in something. You're in something. Are you pissing?

Yeah, you're pissing. It's a piss race.

It's a piss race.

I would win that. I peaced so fast you guys.

I peaced so fast. What happened to me?

I was not like this.

Have a stream like that. Oh boy.

I have a question. Sure. That this is maybe embarrassing someone if you don't feel this way.

I can't wait to hear what this is.

So Sean told me that when he was little, he always wanted to pee loud so that girls could hear him and think that he was like strong. Like his loud pee would be an indicator of his masculinity. When you were younger, did you think that?

No, but I know a lot of people who did, a lot of people have mentioned that where it's like when they were at the urinal, they would like try and hit the water versus the sides so that they were like, it's almost like asserting your dominance. Yeah.

I will say that the strength of which you are peeing into a urinal I think is directly correlated with the amount of splashback that happens. So men are disgusting. Any public restroom that you ever go into when you're like, wow, look at all this piss all over the toilet. It's not because people aren't aiming. It's well, it is that sometimes, but also like Thanks for watching!

Can I tell you a secret of mine? Anytime I go into a stall, even if I'm grabbing tissue to blow my nose and I don't use the toilet, if there's pee on the toilet seat, I have to wipe it down because I'm so fearful that whoever comes in after me is going to be like, this fucking pig. I never piss on the seat, but if I go into a stall and people have... You never piss on the seat? No. Not even for revenge. I put the seat up.

That is a secret.

But my brain is like broken to where I'm so fearful that someone's going to come in after me and be like, do you see that guy over there? He pissed all over the seat.

I bet you get a lot of support on Twitter today.

Really?

From that.

Yeah, I do. Public restrooms are very disgusting, just in general. There's a societal contract that they can't be too disgusting, you know, but people leave them in disarray, I would say.

Whenever I go into public restroom, you gotta be cool, you gotta be pissed.

Whenever I go into any public restroom I loudly announce everybody out. This is a sting. I say me and this guy are fighting and they can't see me but I'm pointing right to my balls. Okay, did we get the answer? No, you didn't. It wasn't any of that talk?

That should be the tagline front of the show. We didn't get the answer. It wasn't any of that talk. Kevin and Hunter inadvertently moved their team forward as they approached the finish line. Their blunder changed a sure victory into a defeat in something.

Is it a car? Does it have wheels?

No.

They're on their feet?

But it moves.

Is there a ball involved?

No.

Is it like a multi... They're not on their feet. It's not luge?

No.

Is it like a bike or like a multi-person bike? Nope. Are four people, are multiple people powering the same mode of transportation?

Yes.

Okay. How many people? Four?

I think it depends. I'm trying to think of the... Damn it.

Is it a luge?

Sometimes it's two people. Sometimes it's four or six maybe. Four, I think.

Do you power this thing with your feet?

No.

Okay. So it's not like anything like that. It's gas powered?

No. Because it's an Olympic sport.

I'm bowling. No. It's not skis. Is it skis or snowboarding or anything like that? No. Is it winter Olympics or summer?

Summer.

Summer Olympics. What me a blast. Okay.

What the fuck is the Olympics?

I did the non-traditional version of the sport for two years in high school.

Horse polo.

I did like a version of this. Horse polo. No, it's not horses.

Is it an animal? Does it involve an animal? No.

So it's a machine. Is it in water? Water? Oh, synchronized swimming. Rowing crew.

Rowing crew. They were in a rowing race and should have been moving backwards. You move backwards when you row.

You got to be pretty fucking dumb to go forwards in a race that's supposed to be rowed backwards. Okay, do you know that the person in the very front of the boat is called a coxwain? And they are the one that yells out the orders, correct? Erin, you are going to be the coxwain in the crewboat that Adal and I are rowing.

Okay, ready? Row. Row. And row. Wait, I'm so sorry. And compliment me. What?

Sorry, my name is Derek Row.

Oh, okay. Should I say a different word for row?

Yeah, Derek.

I want to say Derek. No, that'll be just as easy as that. Yeah. Can you say any different words for Rowan? And let's take it from the top.

Okay. Chicken.

Okay, I'm so sorry. This is Philip Chicken? We have to stop on Philip Chicken.

Okay, all right.

And you knew that, right?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe that was why it was top of mind. My feathers in my hat? I got this, I got this. Okay. Carnival. And Carnival. And Carnival. Actually, can you stop?

This is a Carnival cruise line ship that we're rowing.

So that's not going to help us.

These are the longest oars.

Uh, Hollow Balloon. Hollow Balloon.

I'm Dick Cheney and I own property, uh, primary stakeholder.

Uh, Lullaby.

Oh, I think Sean Mullins. Mullins?

Who's gonna sue us? Melancholy.

Oh, I think Billy Corrigan was gonna sue us.

Lambshade.

Who, I think Steve Carell's gonna sue us. Keep going.

Uh, uh, uh, Playground.

I think Marcie's gonna sue us.

Marcie's gonna sue us?

Keep going, we need a word.

Jellyfish.

Ooh, jellyfish. I think we're good. I think we're good.

I don't want to say jellyfish. In high school, I didn't do the traditional, like those sleek boats, like the two guys in social network.

Oh yeah.

That kind of rallying.

The Winkler lost twins.

I didn't do that through my high school, but there is a place near where I grew up called the Hall and through the Hall Life Saving Museum, we used to get into the old fashioned rowboats. And we would row out to one of the Boston islands, like Georgia's Island, and go and explore like an abandoned war bunker and like go swimming and stuff and then row back.

That seems illegal.

Yeah, probably. No, I mean, you're allowed to go, but we, um, it was so, it was like the best exercise of my life. But I stopped doing that because anytime it was bad weather, we would still go and it would be, you'd be soaking wet and you'd be like chafing and then like cold in this boat and your clothes would soak through. But it's really cool if anyone's from that part of Massachusetts.

You can also just go, you can go to a gym and use a rowing machine too.

But if there's something about like moving and going somewhere when you're rowing and doing it with other people and then going to a really beautiful location and It was really only fun though when it was really nice outside.

Beautiful question. You were in Boston though, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, on that note, I'm going to take a break, kind of cool off. Do you guys want to take a break at the same time I take my break?

Yeah. When you cool off, I'm going to cool out a Dunkin Donuts baby. While you cool out, I'm going to talk to Scott Ackerman's wife. Cool off.

Wow. That really, okay. We'll be back.

Yes. Adal, Erin, come into my laboratory.

Come in, come in. Oh, is this about the Monster Mash?

No, no, no. This is, it's early in the morning.

Oh, you're working in your lab early?

Early in the morning, yes. And I wasn't up all night.

Look at all these chemicals and beet groups.

Why do you have dancing shoes when you were doing the Monster Mash?

No, no, it's not about that. That's a different thing. Look, I have been creating something in my lab. I call it the Triple Helix. It's a brand new strand of DNA. Isn't that also an ice skating move?

Isn't that also the name of our favorite mattress?

What? Ice skating moves? No. Okay, good, because their mattresses are horrible. Ice skating move mattresses, they're bad.

Well, they're ice. They're ice.

They're all ice. What? You think, oh no, I've done it again. I've invented something that already exists. The Helix mattress. Hold on, I'm getting a text from a king. Yeah, take your time.

Oh, it looks like you said, I sleep on a Helix mattress.

Well, he's actually, he's asking me what kind of mattress he should sleep on. And what do you say?

Your thing.

He should take a sleep quiz. The copy. He should take a sleep quiz because Helix sleep can match him in only two minutes to his body type to have him know his sleep preferences and find the perfect mattress for him.

What if he's a side sleeper? Hot sleeper.

Yeah, I was going to say, here comes the hot sleeper.

What if he likes a plush bed or a firm bed?

With helix there's no more confusion and no more compromising on an average mattress. You can get all of those features and more. They could even split down the middle if the king has a queen.

I bet it hasn't won any awards though.

Yeah Doc, can I just say I only do the best of the best, which is why I'm wearing caviar. Yes, and it has won awards.

Number one best overall mattress pick of 2019 by GQ and Wired Magazine, and those two never agree on anything. Yeah, ones for smart people and ones for fashionistas. Uh-huh, they're both for people who love mattresses. So if you want a mattress, like one that I've cooked up in my lab, go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle, take their two-minute sleep quiz, and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life.

Where do I go?

Helixsleep.com slash Riddle. And right now, you can get up to $200 off. All you have to do is go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle. That's R-I-D-D-L-E. Why is there a Frankenstein here? Okay. Let's all do the Monster Mash. All right. It's Helix sleep. We did the Helix sleep.

The Helix sleep.

It was a graveyard sleep.

The Helix sleep. No more counting sheep.

The Helix sleep. Should we compare sleeping to dying? No.

It's basically sleeping as dying.

Bell, bell, bell, bell, bell.

And we're back and this is the Marcie's Playground Hour. We are taking over for Hey Riddle Riddle since they used our intellectual property. And we're going to talk about different things we're smelling in the room. Other members of Marshy's Playground, do you want to mention what you can smell in the room?

I smell drums and I play drums. Who's that keeping for time, for duration?

Baby, it's got to be John and John. Erin, are we ready to do some more riddles?

Yeah. I thought we'd move on to some listener-submitted riddles. We don't burn through them fast enough, and people keep sending in awesome riddles.

Yeah, we're getting pretty close to having 1,000 listeners submitted riddles. Really?

Yeah.

Wow. Probably some of them are repeats. We can't stress enough. Please continue to email us riddles at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. But if you can make up your own, that's the sweet spot.

I cannot stress this enough. We will not respond to your emails. We'll put them in a folder for riddle submissions, and then we'll use them periodically.

We'll put that in a folder in a computer, drown that computer. Okay, computer.

Speaking of original riddles.

What'd you say, strokes?

Speaking of original riddles.

Uh-oh, Erin went into that cartoon.

I'm stuck. Hey, H-R-R crew. My name is Aiden. I don't know if we have permission to say your last name, Aiden, from Chicago, and I wrote some riddles for you all.

Okay.

Hope you enjoy.

Well, us too. Yeah, we hope we enjoy too. Aiden, what a weird thing to say.

We got three original riddles from Aiden. Are we ready?

I guess so.

Let us do this. I need to get my vision checked. I put my computer basically up onto my face.

Erin, just for listeners who aren't in the studio, which is everyone, Erin has picked up her laptop in one hand and brought it closer to her face, like she's reading from a magazine.

If anyone has time to take me to the eye doctor, I'd really appreciate it. There is a cross on an iron hill with a road that leads to nowhere. There is a hole that must have its fill, but the hole is not filled with air. The lands are conjoined in addition, but by the road that leads to non-existence. But if the road fails its mission, the people will lose their sense. What am I talking about?

What is this, incubus lyrics? What's going on over here?

This is incubus lyrics.

Hold the wheel and drive.

This is some flowery poetry. This is one of those kinds of riddles where this is maybe a common thing that we're really, what's that improv thing that's so hard to teach and to do?

Sweep edits. Comedy?

Being naturally funny, not fucking it up.

What is it?

What are you talking about? When you go like, you are thou art.

Oh, invocation.

Invocation. This is sort of like the end of an invocation type riddle. Those are a very common type of riddle. There is a cross on an iron hill.

Okay, so the hill's made of iron, there's a cross. That's probably going to be, I mean, right off the bat, I want to say that that's like the site on a gun.

Oh, okay. Okay. Iron hill made me think like helmet, and there's a cross on a helmet, like it's a crusade.

Cool. No, neither of those, but I love, you're thinking the right way.

Okay.

With a road that leads to nowhere. There's a hole.

Road that leads to nowhere. That's a happy trail. That's a Paul McCartney song.

So both of these things are not going to help you.

This is probably a very helpful line. There's a hole that must have its fill.

Vagina. Golf course.

But the hole is not filled with air.

Golf course, golf course, golf course.

Chill that.

Oh, is a vagina not supposed to... Wait, can we pause? I have to call my dog. It shouldn't feel like a balloon. There's a hole. I'll talk to you later.

It's a hole that needs to be filled and it's- Is helium okay?

Again, I'll tell you later.

Your vagina sounded real high-pitched. It's so expensive too. They're not making any more helium.

Hey, thank you.

Of Erin's vaginas?

Oh boy. I did that to myself.

Sure. The hole needs to be filled but not filled with air. Okay, so donut.

The hole needs to be filled. Filled with jelly. Is hole spelled H-O-L-E?

Yes.

A hole needs to be filled, but not with air. And it's not a golf course, like Jape said.

No.

Holes need to be filled with things that are air all the time.

Things smaller than a golf course? No, not mini golf. That was funny. The lands are conjoined in addition by the roads that lead to non-existence. But if the road fails its mission, the people will lose their sense.

And the workers are going home.

Okay, this is the most important part.

Okay.

Okay, the answer. There's a hole that must have its fill, but the hole is not filled with air.

There's a hole that must have its fill, but the hole is not filled with air.

This is a tax hole.

Oh, a coleslaw hole?

A whole flaw? We gotta go to a whole flaw. Let's see a quick commercial for a whole sloth.

Kids, if you are between the ages of 13 and 18, what I want you to do, I want you to get a big batch of coleslaw. Go to your dad's or mom's golf course. You're gonna dump coleslaw in the hole. Next time they golf, next time your parent golfs, they're gonna try and get a putt. Easy gimme putt. All's gonna go right by the hole because it's full of coleslaw.

That van guy's back! Everybody get him!

Get out of here, bad guy.

Get out of here, booty butt.

I had a name. It wasn't finger bang.

Tickle fingers. Tickle fingers is always trying to get kids to do things they shouldn't.

There is a cross on an iron hill with a road that leads to nowhere. There is a hole that must have its fill, but the hole is not filled with air. The lands are conjoined in addition by the road that leads to non-existence. But if the road fails its mission, the people will lose their sense. What am I talking about?

Honestly, after the first line, my eyes glaze over.

Yeah, this is difficult. I don't know what any of the words in this mean.

I think this is a really good one. And I think all of the ones that made it... Well, because you see the answer. Well, yeah, totally. But I think there's a cross on an iron hill. So there's... The hill is made of iron.

Can I guess Aiden's last name?

Yeah.

A betting?

No. Which is really clever. Like what has a symbol like this on it? What has a symbol that has a cross on it?

Jesus. Or like an X. A cross or an X? An X. Map.

I'd say like if you turn it on its side, it's more of an X.

Turn it on its side.

But like, you can turn it. So it can be like a cross or an X, depending on what angle you're looking at it for. And sometimes it's just a line.

I want to see a scene. See, you said it could be a cross or an X. James, I want you to be my favorite rapper, DM Cross. And you're rapping about Jesus and religion. Got it. Is this going to lose us listeners? No, it's good. And Erin, you're the producer in the booth.

Hey, do you kids like rap music? Well great, because, you know, we're doing something different at church today. Please welcome a very special guest, Mr. D. M. I'm DM Cross and I'm here to say I'm down with Jesus in the major way. He was in the manger.

Shut the fuck up! Okay, Deacon Gregory.

I asked you before mass if you could just please support me in this thing.

So I'm just- Start over!

Rif! Rif! Bow wow wow! Well I'm D-E-M-Cross and I'm here to say I'm kinda into Jesus in a major way. He went from the major to- You fuckin' suck!

Deacon Gregory. My name's not Deacon Gregory, and he takes off his glasses and rustles his hair. My name is Microphone Testament. Well, well, Eucharist in the house gonna eat some body cries. Woof! Who wants, come on, hey. I was helping! Don't woof me, DM Cross. Oh, you could eat my ass, Deacon Gregory. I will later, and I'll save room for seconds. Oh, this is what church is.

Save. I'm going to give you the answer to this. No. Because I want to get to the other one.

Give me some more hints. No, give me hints. Don't give me the answer.

Okay, so this also, maybe I'm being dumb, but this also can just have a line on it.

No, that's a really good hint. This could also have a line there.

It's not always a cross. It's sometimes just a line, but I think it's mostly a cross. Addition signs?

Plus minus times?

Yep, it looks like that. Calculator? No. It's something that fills a hole. And it not just fills a hole, it often is the thing that also makes the hole.

Tetris?

What's something that fills a shovel? A shovel? No.

Pickaxe?

It's like a shovel that stays in that spot.

Dead show.

A post? Like for a fence? You're close. Small. Think of really small.

Roots? Shh. It's a really small.

And on top of it is an X. And the X is what helps something else put it into the hole.

What? Is this tic-tac-toe?

No. It's a small object that goes into something. It makes a hole in something and then it stays there. Until you take it out.

A knife?

No.

I made a hole in this guy until you take it out.

It helps keep something else in place.

Make me a hole, leave it there, or else forget about it. It makes a hole to help keep something else in place.

It's like iron glue.

Iron glue. Welding? It's like iron glue. What is iron glue?

Glue is not a good thing because that implies that it's like a... I'm gonna tell you what it is.

Yeah, I guess so.

It's a screw.

It's like iron glue.

It's like I'm glue on your wedding day. It's that free ride when you just had some cake. Isn't that amazing? And who would have thought that sucks?

I like that one. I mean, it's hard. Those like flowery language riddles are always really tough because it's hard to like narrow it down.

So what were the two bodies where it connects? I mean, it's like connecting two pieces of metal or what?

There is a cross of an iron hill with a road that leads to nowhere. There is a hole that must have its fill, but the hole is not filled with air. The lands are conjoined in addition by the roads that lead to non-existence. But if the road fails its mission, the people will lose their sense.

What is the hill? What is the road-fills mission that people will lose its sense mean?

So here's the thing about this. I guess every screw I've seen in my life is flat.

When you two don't get riddles, you just hate it.

This was a riddle with a lot of words and not a lot of information.

We're doing the next one because I want to get to all of their riddles before... Aidan, honestly, please keep sending riddles.

We're setting it back. We're like, please send us riddles and then we like tear it apart.

Well, I would say that if Aiden wants to keep sending riddles, maybe make them better.

Maybe we met Aiden too because they live in Chicago. So hi Aiden.

Hi Aiden.

There is a kingdom with great walls around it. The castles and hills change every day. When it rains, the kingdom becomes stronger. And when it's dry, the kingdom falls apart. What is the kingdom?

Sand. Sorry, I was thinking if I've met Aiden, can you repeat that?

Yep. There is a kingdom with great walls around it. The castles and hills change every day. When it rains, the kingdom becomes stronger. And when it's dry, the kingdom falls apart.

That's a great short story. What are we supposed to solve?

What's the kingdom?

It's something that falls apart when it's dry, but is held together when it's wet.

You kind of had it sort of before what you said.

What'd you say? Doesn't matter. Desert matter? So sand?

Yeah. That's funny, yeah. But where?

It is a desert?

No. Is it Sandbox?

Sand Castle? Yeah, yeah. Isn't that great?

There's a kingdom with great walls around it. The castles and hills change every day. When it rains, the kingdom becomes stronger. When it's dry, the kingdom falls apart.

Erin, speaking of Sandbox, we're going to take a little visit to more of your riddles because Sandy is not here.

Speaking of Sandbox, I want to see a scene. GPC, we're back in the Sandbox. We're those kids from earlier. And you've learned a new bad word that you're going to tell me about.

Hey, um, I'm sorry about earlier with, uh, you know, that tickle finger guy.

It's fine.

Yeah. He's a creepy. I'm glad he's not around anymore.

Yeah.

I was actually just, you know, we got school off for that day because of the incident. Yeah. And my big brother at home, he told me to know the curse word.

What is it?

Um, school off. What is this? Frozen two? Oh man. Listen, I need to explain myself. I just want you kids to get in my van so you can test drive it. Cause I'm trying to sell this van. You gotta believe me. You gotta believe me.

I'll level with your tickle fingers.

We're kids. We don't want the van.

We don't give a shit.

We're not your target market. That's totally fine. That's totally fine. Now I know I'll leave you alone. I just need to clear my name. I'm not weird. I'm not a creep. Hey buddy, this isn't how you do it.

This isn't how you clear your name. Just so you know, we're kids. What you're doing now looks equally suspicious. Let me make it up to you.

Here's some candy.

Okay, this is $40.

I call money candy.

I can't go back to that. I can't see where this is going to hide. Are we ready for another one?

I call money candy. Money candy. Money candy.

Hey, money candy. If I were a Bond girl, I would want my name to be money candy. No, I wouldn't. What would my Bond girl name be?

Money candy. Let's see kitty. Kitty puppy.

You're a Bond girl, so Moneypenny's not a Bond girl. JPC and I will take turns giving you notes. No, so the way that a Bond girl... Sleepy Derpy. No, no, no. We're gonna do it word at a time, too. So you give the first name, I'll give the last name, and then I'll give the first name and you give the last name.

Great. So Sleepy's gotta be in it. So Sleepy? Spooky Witch.

How about Slouchy? Your first name is Valentine. Petunia.

I'm going to look up online to see if there's a Bond Girl name generator.

What if your Bond Girl name was Baked Potato?

Someone else has Googled this. Yeah, there's a Bond Girl name generator.

Do you want to find that one out? Yeah, Erin, you need to do this. Quick detour.

You have to take a quick quiz, are we ready? Absolutely. Which generation do you belong to? Pick one for me. We're entering for you. Okay, so it's Greatest Generation before 1946, Baby Boomer, 46 to 64, Generation X, 65, 84, Millennial, 82, 2004, Generation Alpha. I don't think that's what it's called, isn't it? Why?

Generation Alpha?

2005 till now. I'd say Greatest Generation.

I would say Boomer. I'm Generation X, but I believe that X is the greatest generation. So you choose whatever you want, basically.

Erin, we're doing it for you, right? Yeah. What do you currently do in life? Good question. I'm still trying to work that out. I work in an office. I do not work in an office. Full-time student, I'm rocking it. I'm a traveler. I'm going to do, I do not work in an office. What's your deepest desire? Inner and outer peace, a compassionate world, personal growth, finding true love, understanding other people. It's a compassionate world. Oh. What would you say is your strongest quality? I'm a bit of a bright spark, intelligence. I'll just read the intelligence, kindness, creativity, strength, confidence.

Confidence. Confidence. Creativity. Creativity.

Maybe creativity. Okay. What role do you play in your friendships? I like to make my friends laugh. They always come to me for advice. I tend to be the peacemaker between my friends. I offer support where I can. I'm usually the one who helps them fix things.

I was going to say tree number two. What role do you play in life?

Thirdly. How often do you work out? This is sort of an attack. How many more questions are there? Are you serious right now? A couple more. We can cut this out if it gets boring. The people at the gym know me by my name. I'm going to say getting out of bed is enough workout for me. Why did you take this test? It looks like fun.

Your Bond Girl name is you are not a Bond Girl.

Your Bond girl name is SetDresser.

This is taking too long.

Erin, you gotta keep reading the quiz.

You two were talking. Do you have a bucket list? Yes, I'm halfway through it already. No, but I do know what I want in life.

Erin's got a bucket list. He's dark. Pick one of the below. You are other or a slinky blonde female spy.

I'm sorry, Erin. We need to take a quick time out because... I got mine! Oh, okay. Well, I was going to say, Japes just gave for free the most brilliant advertising to any chicken place, which is put us on your bucket list. So Popeyes, Crystals, KFC... Those are the big three. Churches. Churches, reach out. JBC is willing to work with you. What are chicken on your bucket list?

I'm willing to sell you the thing that I just said for free.

This is hysterical.

Okay, what's your bond girl name?

But the intro to this is... Alright, let's hear it. Lucky Little You.

Is that your name?

Your classic looks in vapid charm have earned you the moniker Misty Flex. You have to call me Misty Flex.

So because you don't work out at all, they gave you the last name Flex. It's like Mr. X in Arrested Development.

Miss Deflex. If you see me in person, please call me Miss Deflex. We're going to do a whole line of Miss Deflex merch. This is going to really take off for me. All right, are we ready for the last riddle? Yes.

Which is, what are J.P.C. and Adal's bun girl names?

We can... We'll do that on the side. Yeah, tweet at us if you want them to take... My bun girl name is Stormy Daniels. Are we ready? Yes. I'm a machine. I control all the people. I sit above the masses as they line up to see me. I keep them safe from themselves. Those who disobey me might die. What am I?

Church. God. Andrew God. Robach God. Sit above the people. Sit above the people.

I'm a machine. I control all the people. I sit above the masses as they line up to see me. I keep them safe from themselves. Those who disobey me might die.

Satellite.

No.

Fuck. What if you disobey a machine?

I have a new confidence now that I'm misty flex. Did you see how I changed a little bit? What gown is this?

Weird flex, but okay.

Weird misty flex, but okay.

Weird misty flex, but okay. What machine that if you disobey it, you might die? I mean, oxygen tank? I got really burned from a popcorn machine once. Well, you call that a cunt.

Oh, I guess I will say that.

You broke its heart. You dated it for three years and then you broke its heart. So yeah, of course it burned you.

It sits above you though, right? Right? Toilet tank.

I sit above the masses.

So above the masses. Oh, it's a robot church.

I'm a machine. I control all the people. I sit above the masses as they line up to see me. I can't stop imagining you dating a popcorn maker. I keep them safe from themselves. Those who disobey me might die. What am I?

What machine do you line up to see? Cash register?

I think Aiden. I honestly, Aiden, please keep writing riddles. I really love these. Well done, Aiden.

Aiden probably died years ago. Possibly. Aiden, they burned down years ago. Oh, okay, interesting. That's a little clue for us for the Riddle. So it's something of a pop culture ripped from the heavens. So they didn't disobey the robot. When it says high above us, Erin, does it mean like in the atmosphere? No. Okay, so it's just... We can see it. Okay, we can see it.

That's actually essential that we see it.

It's essential that we see it.

We don't see it, we could die. Oh, stoplight.

Yeah.

Nice.

I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a stoplight. I'm a lover. I'm playing red, green, and yellow. I am a son of silver.

I'm a sad.

I shouldn't have started. Uh-oh, Missy Flex, your confidence just went down to one.

Right where it was before.

What a nosedive, Missy Flex.

Hey, those are Aiden's riddles.

Thank you, Aiden. Thank you for your partnership in this great endeavor. Aiden, thank you. Next.

I want to see a scene. Adal, you are James Bond. JBC, you're a bartender. I'm Misty Flex. I'm sitting at the bar, and I may not be the most conventional Bond girl that you've met.

Bartender, please come over here. Yes, sir. What can I get you today? I've put five sterling pound on the table, and what I'd like is a colada, a pina colada.

Any special way that you'd like that preferred? Yes, frozen. Perfect. And this is, of course, on the house. Because a certain someone has already paid for your drinks tonight, sir.

Oh, fuck me. Who do we have here? What's your name, beautiful?

Misty Flack, sorry. I have, like, a little bit of a cold on my period. Like, no funny business tonight, but I think you're pretty cute.

You just coughed out a hornet.

Now a spider. What's up with you?

Your pina colada, sir. And man.

Do you have gluten-free pizza here? I'm like a little hungry.

Misty, I have to say that I like your style, but I can't even comment on your legs because you have a weird towel wrapped around them.

Yeah. Well, here's the thing. This is what happened. So I was wearing Spanx all day and those will really get to you. And then I went to my hotel room and I couldn't get my Spanx off. So this is what I did. I went out to CVS.

Oh, this is going to be a whole story.

It's a whole story. I went out to CVS and then I got scissors to cut the Spanx off me. I accidentally cut my leg when I was cutting my spanks off me, which is like to be a woman, always a bridesmaid, always a bridesmaid. And so I cut it off and then I hit that artery in your leg where you bleed out. So I wrap this towel around my leg, the femoral artery, and I wrap a towel around it. And that's just so I don't bleed out.

Well Misty, I have a suite at the hotel. Would you like to come up and I'll try and stitch that up?

I'm a little tired. Um, do you want to get branched in three weeks? I'll probably cancel.

No, I'm good.

And that was my bond girl. I'll probably cancel.

Um, cool. Uh, thanks for listening you guys. I always feel guilty when I'm old man puzzles. I don't know why.

You feel guilty?

Yeah, isn't that funny?

To be a woman.

JPC just threw his head back and just like exhausted.

I always feel guilty. I always feel guilty.

Anything to plug?

Yeah, I'm going to plug, come see us live. You can see us in San Francisco at Sketchfest. You can see us in New York. And also, hello for the Magic Tavern. On the podcast I do, it has some live shows in January. We're going to hit up Charlotte, Atlanta, Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco for Sketchfest. So please come out to those shows. We hope to see you there. And that'll be fun and exciting. JPC, anything to plug?

Fun and exciting. A real double threat. Let's see. This is the 18th, so I would like to plug The Witcher on Netflix. It comes out in two days. You know what? Let's all get there together, you know? Let's give it the old college try and see if old Henry Anvil, the man who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, could bring it home for The Witcher series.

I hope in the Witcher he reloads his sword like he reloads his arms and... Erin, anything to ploog?

Follow me, erinkeif10, on Instagram or look up my series, Welcome Back, on YouTube or you can find it on my Instagram too. Also, I had a friend send me a TikTok that a fan of ours made where they like lip synced along to a part of one of our episodes. And so if any of you are on TikTok, please do that with one of our episodes and then send it to us.

Great. And Erin, what is TikTok?

I don't know. It's a teenage thing where they are like learning to connect and love each other, but also they're destroying each other.

I don't understand. If I cannot use it to buy drugs, I do not want to use it. So if we don't know how to use TikTok, we must.

But we have teenage listeners who know how, or young people. So just like, just do a Hey Riddle Riddle TikTok and then send it to us.

And if you don't use it, you'll lose it.

And we'll post it on our Instagram. Sound good everybody?

Hey, I don't have any complaints with that.

Cool.

I'm good.

Well, this is very gentle. It's weird when we're all being very normal.

Aaron, I have a question for you. Say the planet that we say at the end of every episode.

Bye forever. That was a command. That was a Headgum podcast.