Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

No shit, all Sherlock. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. Oh shit, Erin. We have to restart JPC.

He got in a hot air balloon. He's getting further away. Robot JPC is gone.

JPC, can you- JPC is what? Hey, and I'm back, baby. I'm all made of flubber.

God, I wish we had had human JPC on this episode at all.

No, we're all made of Flubber.

I think this is Dolphin JPC.

Well, why couldn't it just be Flubber JPC? Fine, it's Dolphin JPC.

Oh, because I haven't seen the movie.

That's why. I remember when that movie came out, the guy ran out of the theater saying, Flubber's dolphins.

It's just dolphins. Quick update from last week. My boyfriend still hasn't cleaned the microwave. And it's true.

I think I bet you $100 on that. And it's true.

And I texted him about it and he said, L-O-L, I forgot L-O-L.

I love that because it shows that he's having a good time and he's not going to do it.

Also, quick update, grab somebody you're interested in romantically, sit on the couch, watch the first 20 minutes of that movie, and you'll be crying in tears. You'll want to have some more fun. The movie is up.

Interesting. We'll cut this off.

No, I loved it. No, no, Adal, that's really good. And your brain just moves faster than our brains. That's the point.

It moves at the speed of lightning.

I got a question.

Yes. Oh, Erin, I seed the floor to you.

So this is such a delicious time of the year. Best treats. Best treats October through December, right? What are some food recipes? What are some recipes we're making right now?

I don't know. Ooh, chili. Food recipes. Chili, cornbread.

Cornbread, chili. Do you make chili and cornbread?

Yeah, pot roast, stuff in my crock pot or instant pot.

Will you send me some recipes?

Yeah, of course.

I'm talking to you and I'm talking to the listeners. Send me gluten-free recipes.

Thanks. Guys, I named a few, maybe a month ago, I named a breakfast sandwich that I make and I named it The Weekender.

Talk us through it.

Because it keeps dating Gigi Hadid or whatever.

What do you know?

What is your frame of reference? What's your reference point?

Is everything in your periphery? Do you fully know anything or is it just a little bit of everything?

Oh no, I've been seen.

Fully known. But the point of it is that I've been, I've never, I've never, I don't think, named a food item before, especially what it's like. It's like, I've given it- You should have named it the JPC. Well, so I've called, I called it the Weekender because you can either have it on a weekend and that's the only thing that you'll do that day, or you can have it on like a Monday in your week. But it's just a massive breakfast sandwich, and I've been using that phrase around Mariah a lot. I'd be like, I think I might have a weekender today. She's like, stop. But also when she's like, would you, she's like, I'll have a weekender too. And I'm like, okay, well, what do you want on yours? And she's like, well, yours, but like smaller. And I'm like, okay, well, that's not a weekender, and I don't make non-weekender. It's a weekday? I call it a weekender, W-E-A-K.

What's on the sandwich?

Oh, it's basically I go to the jewel that's right by my house canonically and I buy one of their Asiago cheese bagels, cut that bad boy open, put three vegetarian breakfast sausages and three eggs on it and then three slices of American cheese.

Okay, do you scramble the egg?

No, no, no. I fried over hard. Sometimes I leave one of the yolk in, but if you leave all three, it's just too much yolk.

Three vegetarian sausages.

So what I do is, like I said, cut it in half, put the three sausages down after you've cooked them, put the cheese down, put it back in the oven so the cheese melts, then throw the egg on top.

That sounds amazing. Send us a picture of your weekender.

I got a pic of the weekender up there just so everyone can see. And then I'll put a picture of Mariah's on there and then I'll caption it like not the weekender.

But does she eat meat or does she have the vegetarian sausages?

She eats meat, but she also eats vegetarian sausages. We just have them. But occasionally she'll have like, like if we have like bacon or prosciutto or something. It's again, it's not the weekender.

And Spaghetti famously, she won't eat meat, but she sure likes the bone. Yeah. Cause she's a dog. Yeah, cause she's a dog. Dog likes the bone.

Do you have a breakfast sandwich you make?

I like to make, take an everything bagel, toast it, put cream cheese on it, put sriracha on that, slice up an avocado, put a fried egg on it, and throw it away. Throw it away. I call that I'm rich.

Makes sense to me.

Erin, what do you eat for breakfast?

Um, well I eat a lot of different things, but my breakfast sandwich is like gluten-free, everything bagel, and then, um, like a pepper jack cheese, avocado, uh, scrambled eggs that I make with a tiny bit of olive oil instead of butter. It makes them feel like they're super like creamy and cheesy.

And then... The olive oil makes them feel creamy and cheesy.

Okay, try me. Don't make scrambled eggs with olive oil.

I only use olive oil when I make scrambled eggs. I don't know, when you said instead of butter, I'm like, butter would be my instead. Butterbee! I don't, I just take issue with creamy and cheesy.

Well, I also put a good amount of, you know, I put water in and then I put a splash of like a milk, whatever milk I'm eating.

If I was looking for a substitute to use instead of butter that would make my eggs creamy and cheesy, I might use cream cheese.

Whatever.

Hey, if I use a substitute, put an attack on our chair. Fucking substitute. Yeah, put a razor blender up. Can we also, if we're going to task the listenership with maybe making a weekender or sending Erin recipes, my favorite thing in the world, especially this time of year, is like smoky stuff. Like a smoky beer. Or like weed. So if you know anything smoky, please let me know, because that's my favorite. How do you have hot sauces? I want everything to taste like a campfire. I love hot sauces.

Yeah, because I like the smoky flavor of hot sauce more than I like the heat, like the hot hot flavor.

Yes. There's a hot sauce called waju, I think, W-A-G-A-U, and that's like my favorite hot sauce because it's like, it has spice to it, but it's more like, it's almost like jerk. It's like Jamaican. Why'd you get that? Amazon. I said, why'd you get that? Why'd you get that? Amazon.

What's your favorite reference?

Alright.

Were you also asking about like treats though? Like, like fall treats?

Well, that was a very satisfying conversation to me, so I feel pretty good. But also I just, I just love food, and I want to talk about it more.

Nut muffins.

You know something I love?

Did you stub your toe? Ah, nut muffins! Nut muffins!

No, a kid found my A haunted amusement park. Pulled a mask off my head. What about your dog? Yeah, okay. My dog! Yeah, they borrowed my dog and the dog helped them solve the crimes.

It sucked for me. Yeah, my brain wasn't working.

Do you remember that cereal commercial that was, what you eating? Nut and honey? Do you remember that one? Oh yeah! There's a cereal called Nut and Honey. You'd be like, what are you eating? Nut and honey? You'd be like, no, seriously, what are you eating? Nut and honey? And then it gets violent. Oh Jesus.

I... Was born in the 90s, so this one's tough for me.

You were born in 1990, 89. You were famously born during an episode of Best Week Ever.

Yeah.

Or I love the 90s.

I love the 90s. And is this a riddle podcast? Or is it a breakfast sandwich podcast?

It's a breakfast sandwich podcast featuring riddles. Yes, but it's many things.

That's the title of this episode.

Breakfast sandwich podcast featuring riddles. We're a hive mind, we're a podcast, but we're also sometimes, every once in a while, A game show. Money, money, money. Pussy, puzzies, puzzies.

It pays to be right. Adal Rifai's Honey Dolly Giveaway. Adal Rifai's Honey Dolly Giveaway.

Based on the book Attletude, My Life in Riddies and Puzzies.

Uncle Adal writes a check.

Money, money, money. Puzzies, puzzies, puzzies. It pays to be right.

Adal Rifai's Honey Dolly Giveaway. Adal Rifai's Honey Dolly Giveaway.

Based on the book Attletude, My Life in Riddies and Puzzies.

Uncle Adal writes a check. That's right, it's game show number, this is our third game show, but we lost one, the live show. Because we did it on a boat, the boat sank. The boat sank.

That was the episode that JPC was ripping up money. Oh my gosh, it drove that sink.

So many people got upset about JPC ripping up dollar bills. Yeah, but some people got strangely horny about it.

I think it was just you, that was you who got horny about it.

You were looking in a mirror. Oh, okay, was it me?

Um... JPC gets horny about it.

I get horny about the destruction of money.

Let's give you something to horny about.

Eat the rich!

So the other thing about our podcast is we're slowly, slowly pivoting our minds.

So we're going to go to the game show. You two both know how this works, hopefully. There's $100 up for grabs. I'll write a check for whoever wins with the amount that they won. They're not going to get a full $100. Possibly they could, but most likely you two will split the pot. Whoever has the majority will get a check for that amount. Any questions?

What is the things that we yell that like?

Yep, so we're going to change it up a little bit. We're still going to have, I listen to my co-hosts, which if you say that, you can play the card without any competition. So you can basically box out the other person. But you have to answer a question about the other person's personal life. Cool. Meaning that you listen to them. The other thing that's going to happen is we're going to only do one other thing, which is at some point throughout the show, and this might happen multiple times, I'm going to say, Rap For Daddy! Sure, okay. When I say Rap For Daddy.

What if you can't rhyme?

That's going to be a problem. When I say rap for daddy, you both have to do a rap. I'm going to give you a topic, so I'll say rap for daddy. Write circus food. Circus food? It'll be that good. And then you both have to do an AABB rap. And whoever I think has the better rap will get $5. But again, if you cannot rhyme. If you cannot rhyme, JPC wins the game automatically.

You know I can't rhyme. This seems pointed.

If you cannot rhyme, but you can rap, here's my suggestion. Just try. Okay. What? We good? We good to start?

Yes.

Yes. But instead of any questions, I don't really like that phrase. So on the podcast, can we now just say David S. Pumpkins?

Yeah, David S. Pumpkins.

Thank you. Especially for this holiday season. Okay.

So here we go.

Adal just switched the card in his hand. Like I just said what was on the card that he was holding. Did that card just say David S. Pumpkins on it?

Can you see through my hand? It did. I said who's a part of it. Okay. Here's the first question. Don't forget you have to pause in. If you don't pause in and you say the answer, you're basically giving the other person money.

And you have to wait till the end of the question to pause?

No. No, you can pause whenever. Okay. You're going to get a dollar per correct answer for this one. Yes. Ten US states that border Canada. Pause. Yes. Washington. Okay. Montana.

And the minute you get one wrong, you're done. What? I have a minute to get one wrong? Yep. Washington, Montana. Washington, Montana. North Dakota. Minnesota. Wisconsin.

And that is wrong. So you get four dollars. Erin, you have a chance. I'll let you steal two of these. Not steal, but you can answer two of them.

Maine. Okay. Vermont.

That is correct. You get two dollars. Scores $4 to $2. Fun. Isn't that fun? Fun. Don't forget, you can also win improv during this game show.

So we're going to see a scene. I never know how to do that though.

That's all you lose. We're going to see a scene. Erin, I want you to be Canadian. JPC, you're going to be a Vermonter from somewhere in Vermont. Okay. And you two have met at the border. You're in love, but none of you has, neither of you has a ability to cross the border. So that border separates your love.

Uh, any progress on the passport, eh?

No, I've made no progress on the passport. I'm from Vermont. I've been trying my best, but I can't find the office that gives them.

Yeah.

Any luck on my passports to get into Canada?

No, they don't want any Americans right now, eh?

Why is that?

Because you don't love hockey as much as us. Also, you're a very violent country that doesn't know how to treat people right.

Okay, yeah. And you treat people just right up there in Canada.

A little bit better.

What race is your Prime Minister going to always forget? Because he seems to be switching that every once in a while.

Are we going to talk about our leaders?

Okay, first of all, not my president.

I got the t-shirt that says it. I voted for George Bush. And seen, great. And so it seems like they were not in love. No, no, I was going to... Sometimes you were about to what?

I was going to say, let's kiss through this fence, eh?

Yeah, see?

Let's kiss and make up through this fence.

You were going to skip before we saw kiss to the fence? And JPC, we're going to make that fence electric. Got it.

I can't kiss you through the phantoms. I want to be with you.

Can you see my bones every time I... Can you see my full skeleton every time I... Stop saying zap.

Stop saying my dead twin brother's name. I know I'll never be him.

Erin, I'm going to give you that one. See you when I'm going to give you $3 for that. Is it because I said that thing about Justin Trudeau? Yeah. No, you were right. Erin has $5, JPC has $4, and we're going to get into it early. Let's go ahead and rap for daddy. I feel like I put an F on rap. Am I saying rap for daddy?

Do you say A-B-A-B?

Rap for daddy.

A-A-B-B.

And is it raffy for daddy? It's raffy for daddy.

Wait, you said you have to give us a topic.

You're going to rap for daddy, and the topic is going to be Canada. And you must start with, my name is blank and I'm here to blank. And if you say blank JPC, you obviously lose the game show.

I can't say blank. Do I have to use my own name? Do whatever you want. It's Canada. It's Canada. Got it. We'll start with JPC. But it's AABB. Yeah. So you said, I have to say my name is blank and I'm here to blank, so that has to rhyme.

No.

Wait, what?

My name is Adal and I'm here to say... Oh, got it. I love to rap in a major way, right? It's about Canada. Yes, it is.

My name is Leaf and I'm here to blow Canada up. Tell me about it, ho. When I'm down in the USA, I buy a gun and bring it Canada way. Perfect.

Erin? I'm sweating. I want to cry. Okay, that's your first line. My name is Toronto. I'll tell you about me pronto. I have to do a second rhyme for Pronto. My name is Toronto and I'm here to say comedy here is good every single day. Just because we have really great hockey doesn't mean that we've gotten real cocky.

Nice. Very good. Oh my god. Very good.

You've known for as long as you've known me that I get panic attack.

My name's Toronto and I'm here to Pronto.

I should get a dollar for being a good sport because you're making me do the thing that gives me panic attacks.

Erin, if you let me talk for a minute, what I'm going to say is I'm going to give you $20 because that's the hardest I've ever seen someone work.

Can we make a t-shirt that says, my name's Serato and I'm here to pronto.

I apologize to all our kitty listeners.

There are parents listening to this who work three jobs and are like, fuck, give that girl some money. That's the hardest I've ever seen anybody work. My name's Serato and I'm here to pronto.

I think that's the hardest I've ever worked.

The funny thing is, you made it so hard on yourself.

Well, because I get so scared, you guys. I get so scared, rhyming. I honestly think I wasn't... Your dad was killed by a rhyme. Yeah, and I honestly think I was born without the part of your brain that can rhyme.

And I was born in a rhyme zone.

Oh man.

You don't know how to rhyme.

I was born in a rhyme zone. Is that the Joker? Yes, that's the Joker. That's actually the thesaurus. Alright, next question. I'm going to give you three things you have to tell me what they have in common. Got it. Here we go. A tombstone, a courting couple, a dried fruit vendor. A tombstone, a courting couple, a dried fruit vendor. Don't forget to puzzle.

A tombstone, a dried fruit vendor, and a courting couple?

Yes. A dried fruit vendor. So a vendor who sells dried fruit, a tombstone, and a courting couple all have something in common.

Um, boy oh boy.

Do we lose points if we get it wrong? No.

Do you want to? Yes.

No.

No.

Puzz. Yes. They all have dates. They all have dates. Nice. JPC gets that right. That's $5 for JPC. JPC now has $9. Erin has $25. Oh, man.

I'm calling it now. JPC will steal it. I fucking know you, dude.

Not if we do another rap. I know you do. I'll be down to 50 bucks. I want to see a scene. You two are a courting couple, but we're going to work on all three of these things. You're a courting couple, so you're on a date. You're both terrified about dying and trying to make plans for when you do die, and you're both dried fruit vendors. This is fun, right?

Your joke was so funny just now.

Thank you. And we flashback 30 seconds to hear the joke. What's the difference between a banana, an unpeeled banana, and a man's erect penis?

What are we at work? Tell me. Seeds. Your joke was so funny just now.

It's not my joke, it's Jack Black's. We got it from a tenacious DCB.

You're really distracting me. Sorry. I got so scared when we went by that graveyard. I just hate thinking about it.

I'm so sorry about that. Can I have cards on the table?

Yeah.

I'm 51 years old. I'm a dried fruit vendor and I don't want to dial on.

I want to know something funny about me. I'm 51 years old. I'm a dried fruit vendor and I don't want to dial on.

Oh, it feels like the notebook.

Did you read my notebook?

Yes, if I'm being honest, I do.

That's totally fine. I sort of was hoping you'd crack it open.

Well, to be fair, I did read your notebook. What I just said wasn't true. I just got it from your notebook. If I'm being honest, I'm 51 years old, I'm a dried vegetable vendor, and I'm desperately afraid of dying alone.

This is a real person living in Canada, person living in Vermont. Neither of them have a passport situation.

On the count of three, you say your favorite dried fruit, and I'll say my favorite dried vegetable. One, two, three, tomato seed.

JPC! Wait, you guys. Wait, wait, wait. Are JPC and I in love? And I'm serious. This is not a bit. You guys, I'm scared. Adal, Adal, Adal.

Are tomatoes a vegetable or a fruit? See, this is Adal, Adal. Yes.

Stop the game for one second. Adal's just shuffling his cards. Can you believe that that just happened? We both said tomato.

That's wild.

We both knew the other was gonna say tomato.

Here's what I'll say. At the end of this episode, you can choose to take the money. Or eat a tomato. Or eat a tomato. It's like Love Island. You can take the money or you can play for love. Oh, nice.

This is that millionaire.

They just said it's like Love Island.

Erin, you lose a dollar. I know it's like Love Island, but what's that millionaire show?

Love Island.

That was on for one season.

Joe Millionaire. Million Dollar Man.

I don't, yeah, it's something.

Can I be right?

Yeah. Okay. Is it million dollar, man?

You get your dollar back. I don't know. But that does remind me, Rap For Daddy.

What's the topic?

Topic is a million dollars. Erin, we're going to start with you, unless you start crying, and then we'll switch to you.

Does it have to start with my name is?

It has to start with my name is Bear Naked Ladies. No, it can start with whatever. Okay. But the topic is a million dollars. Here we go, Rap For Daddy.

I'm a millionaire and I love to go to banks, but before you go I'd like to say thanks. I made my money because I inherited it. I don't think that you should worry about shit.

She pulled it off? She fucking pulled it off. She said worried about shit.

I'm bleeding from everything. That hurts so much. I hate rhyming.

But most visible is your butthole.

For anyone who hasn't seen a picture of us recording.

We record like Jim Carrey and Ace Ventura. We all wear Hawaiian shirts and we talk through our butt. JPC, Rap For Daddy, millionaires. Millionaires. Or a million dollars.

A million bucks. A million smackers. You can get it if you are hackers. Go on to the website for the bank. Hack into it. Start this bank.

Nice.

Great.

This was actually good.

Yes, it was good.

It was. It made sense.

What did it make sense? Because you're hacking into a spank bank?

Erin, I'm going to give you that. This is $5, you get $30. Erin has $30, JPC has $9. I really want to win that car. Oh, yeah. Good. You said this card? I really want to win that card. Well, you can win anything here on Money Money Money, Puzzy Spuzzy Puzzy's. It pays to be right. Adal Rifai's Honey Dollie Giveaway. Based on book attitude, my life in riddies and puzzies.

Here we go. What do these three things have in common? Rose. Gator. Orange.

Rose, Gator, Orange. They're all balls. More specifically, footballs. They're all footballs.

College footballs.

I love college with my friends. I want to see a scene. The two of you are approaching me. I'm the dean of a college. No, I'm sorry. I'm going to say I'm the sort of president of the NCAA. And you two are working for me and I've tasked you with coming up with new bowls for millennials for the new generation because everything we have for bowl games is outdated.

First of all, I think you're absolutely correct. What you have is outdated and it needs to go. It's bad.

I agree. And I also think the joke that you told just now is so funny.

Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah.

And we flashback 30 seconds to the joke. What's the difference between division one and division three?

What are we at work right now? What is it?

About $50,000.

But first of all, I want to say that you're so right about the Bulls. The names are bad, they have to go.

And I just want to say the joke you told us right now is so funny.

We flashed back 30 seconds to the joke. What's the difference between division one and division three?

What, are we at work right now? What, what am I at work right now?

Wait, something's wrong.

What?

Did you both just say that? Wait, why did I say that?

I've never said that. I'm getting deja vu. Finish the joke. Let's go back 30 seconds.

What's the difference between a banana and a penis? 50,000 dollars.

Let's go back 30 seconds. I think we should do the bowling ball bowl.

Hello, welcome. You've made it back 30 seconds.

This is, no, you've peeked beyond the curtain. This is death. Oh.

KPC, your death makes sense.

That makes sense. Okay, come on guys. Yeah, I'm death.

And I was- That joke you told 30 seconds ago is so funny.

Okay, I'll tell, you want me to tell it again? Yeah. I'll tell it again. Is your alligator death?

I mean, I think the audience wins that. Yes. But I'm going to give you each $2 for that. Thank you. We stayed on the premise so well. I like that we supported the premise, that we were stuck in a time loop, and that nobody sold that out. All right. Whoever puzzles in first will get this and they'll get a dollar per correct answer. You got a name for me, the nine members of the Brady Bunch household.

I can't.

If you get, okay, great. Greg Brady, Marsha. You don't have to say Brady after each one. Well, one's not gonna be a Brady, I'm gonna say Alice. Okay, Greg Alice. Marsha. Marsha. Jan. Okay. Little scooter. Bobby?

No. Jack. You're right with Bobby, you were wrong with Jack, so you don't get anything. I don't get anything! No, because you have to get them all. Erin, I'm going to tell you, since JPC got it wrong, I will give you a dollar per name if you can name six of the nine. Wait, but hold on, I just did six. I don't care. Okay.

Jan, Marcia, Alice, Sleepy, Doc, and Grumpy.

And Zach. You forgot Zach.

And Zach. A little scooter.

Who do we miss? Who do we miss? The nine members are Carol, Greg, Peter, Bobby. Fuck. Carol. Peter, Mike, Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Alice, King of the Hill, Barbara. Hey, Barbara. Boomhauer? Boomhauer. So nobody gets that one. Okay, fuck. All right, here we go. We really want to win this money. This will be versus having to get them all right. You get a dollar per correct answer.

Okay.

Okay. Name for me the nine dance styles in American style of ballroom dance.

Puz.

Yes. Salsa. That is incorrect.

Oh wait, American style. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I'll give you a review, but it'll cost you $1. Okay. Okay. This is- Swing. That is incorrect.

What?

No, you're right. It's East Coast Swing, but I'll give it to you.

East Coast Swing.

There are nine types of ballroom dancing? Unless I'm lying.

Okay. The waltz.

Yep.

The jive. I'm just kidding.

Handjob. Oh, do handjob, baby. Handjob.

Oh, yeah.

See?

Fuck.

How do you like your handjobs? See anything? Oh, Jesus. Jesus. You both said Jesus. Oh, my gosh. You are in love.

So you have Waltz, you have Swing. They're all American dancers.

And Erin, so far you have two of nine.

But I feel like a lot of ballroom dancers are not American.

Oh, that doesn't matter.

Like Tango isn't American, Salsa isn't American.

Tango is one of them. Oh. So you get that.

And so you have... Samba.

That is close but incorrect. Samba. That is correct. You have three of nine. Erin, I will give you all nine. $9 total instead of three if you rap for daddy about one of these dances. Do you want to do that?

Here's a true story that I'm gonna tell and I promise that I won't yell. Early in my, early when I was dating my current boy, we thought it would be funny to bring us a lot of joy. And I'm gonna keep going so I can get to the end of the story. If we took swing dance classes, but we were giving our asses to different people. We were dating different people at the time. I thought we'd take swing dance classes, and both of our partners at the time were like, why are you going to take swing dance classes with your platonic friend? And so we decided not to do it, but we were probably secretly in love, and that's why we didn't do it.

No. No.

It's hard to tell a real story while you rap.

Yeah.

I'll try again. We found that. I'll try it again.

One more turn. Not only do you not get the points, but... No, I got it. Have mercy on yourself.

I'll do it again. I'll do it again.

One more time to tell the same story, but rap it.

No, I'm not going to tell the same story.

No, you should.

I can't. I'll do one. Let me tell you a little bit about the tango, but first let me eat some of this mango. It's a sexy dance to do real fast. This is your favorite part of this podcast.

We're going to take a quick break.

No, stop. I did it best I could. You do it.

You do a rap about a dance. Do you think the dogs in the puppy bowl celebrate when they get a touchdown?

Yes. But that was pretty good. Erin, I can't tell you that first one was... I gave up to just try to tell the story.

I now understand when people talk about rubbernecking when they see like a car crash, like you want to slow down to watch it. I now understand that sensation.

I have a lot of other skills, but also isn't that funny that we were like, yeah, we're going to take swing dance classes with my platonic friend and everything's fine when really we wanted to kiss.

It'd be funny if it rhymed.

I hate it here. Give me a point for being a good sport about being bullied.

Erin, I'm going to not give you a point. Do you feel bullied?

No. I just feel like I'm trying my best to do the thing that stresses me out more than anything.

Because if you legit feel upset, we can stop.

No, no, no. I like it. I just keep in mind that I do get true anxiety when it comes to rhyming.

Okay. Do you want to remove the rapping from her? No. Okay.

JBC's genuinely good at it, and I gotta keep hearing him do it.

Yeah, I'm really good at it.

Do we do a rap about a dance before we're gonna break?

Absolutely. Let's do a rap about dance.

Actually, let's go on a break, and that will be us re-entering is on the rap.

Hold on, give him time to think. Do it now.

It's the same for us. We do this record. Let me tell you about my dance, The Waltz. But first, let me tell you about my buddy Chuck Schultz. I wrote Peanuts. It's a comic. If you don't like it, you could suck my dick.

Okay, so let me tell you about my friend Chuck Schultz, and then you switched to Chuck Schultz's voice. Yes.

Okay. He was featured.

Honestly, $20.

I want my text tone to be Adal just going, okay.

All right. He was featured on that rap. Take a break. Before we go to break, Erin, I'm not going to give you points for the rap, but you made our hearts sing and people are probably getting in car crashes, crying and laughing. But I am going to give you the three original points you had for the three dance styles.

Oh, thanks. Can you name the rest?

Yeah, so they are Bolero, Foxtrot, Rumba, Viennese Waltz, East Coast Swing, my favorite Boyz II Men song, Cha Cha, Mambo, number five.

That's a dollar for UPC.

And Tango and Waltz. JBC as we go to break, name all the women mentioned in Mambo number five.

Veronica, Jessica, Mandy, Chuck, wait, hold on. Hi, I'm Chuck Schultz.

Monica.

Hey Adal, hey Erin.

What's up? There's a lot of energy.

There's literally no one on the planet like you, okay? So why? Why? Would you buy a generic mattress built for everybody else?

Why would you do it?

What is this? What did I find? This is a generic mattress in our house. Why would you do this, Erin? I bought it from Bed Zone. You have killed your father.

I like complaining about not getting enough sleep. That's sort of my thing, is complaining about not getting enough sleep.

How many times do I have to tell you fools? Three. Feeling sleep. built a sleep quiz it only takes two minutes to complete and then they use it to answer they use those answers to match your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress what if I'm a side sleeper or a hot sleeper or like a firm bed what if I have trouble studying for quizzes I can't help with that but Erin, they have a mattress for you. They have a mattress for every sleep type. You know what doesn't? This mattress. This crap trash generic mattress that you brought into this house.

How'd you know the name of the design?

It's on the label.

TPC, but I have a partner and he has different sleep needs than me. What do I do?

Helix Sleep can split- Yeah, Erin's a cop now.

Helix Sleep can split the mattress down the middle. And I can't lose another partner.

Just go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle. Take the two minute sleep quiz. They'll match you to a mattress and give you the best sleep of your life. And they've got a 10 year warranty, so you get to try it for 100 nights completely free of risks.

Can I say something? Yes. I got a mattress from Helix Sleep. I got a king sized bed, and it is all I want to live in now. I spend most of my day in the bed, which is maybe sad, but also great. But it is the most comfortable thing, and if you want to try out a helix mattress, come to my house, sleep in my bed. I won't be there, but if you can just take care of my two cats, fries and brisket. Please don't let him be there. Do not let him catch you. It's like a Goldilocks mama bear.

Let him catch you.

Eat the porridge.

Well, people believe us now. What do we do?

Okay, so right now Helix Sleep is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. To get $125 off, go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order now.

One more time. Helixsleep.com slash riddle to get $125 off all mattress orders.

Stop listening right now and go fix your lives.

Why are you covered in soy sauce? Hey guys, you want to come into my speakeasy I created?

Okay, what's the password? You were supposed to remember the password. No, it's jpc sucks. Oh, maybe. Okay. Oh, shoot. I wish I had a way to remember this.

There's got to be a better way.

Do do do.

Has this ever happened to you? Oh, look up in the sky. It's the Dash Lane. What is it? Let's not describe it, but here it is.

I thought you were going to do a Dash Lane voice, but go ahead.

It's me, the Dash Lane. I have indiscriminate features. Oh, he's so dashing. Do you want to fill your forms fast? Remember all your passwords and keep your online data accessible and safe with our all-in-one app?

Yeah!

Yes, Dashlane. Well, Dashlane safely remembers and autofills all your login information so you won't get slowed down by forgotten or misspelled passwords.

As someone whose life has been nightmarish because I forget passwords like someone's paying me to, Dashlane has been incredibly helpful.

Yeah, I have to reset my passwords almost every day. I literally did it two minutes before this ad.

Do you also hunt for your credit card every time you make an online purchase? Well, no more. Dashlane can safely secure your online purchase information like addresses and credit card details.

Wow. Dashlane, you're a superhero, right?

Well, yes.

Why is your costume so baggy?

Let's not talk about what I am or what I look like, okay? Let's be clear on that. Let's only talk about how you can safely share passwords with friends and family using Dashlane.

That's my favorite part.

So, to start dashing through the internet and help support our show, you just need to visit Dashlane.com slash Riddle to start your 30-day free trial of Dashlane. No credit card required. And if you like it, use Code Riddle to save 20% on your premium subscription.

Did I get it right?

Yeah, with code Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. We all need it, so you better use it! And J.P.C. and Erin, you're both wrong.

What was the password?

I'm still here. J.P.C. sucks. Wait, is that one you said? Yeah. I'm sorry, come on in.

Aw, man.

And we are back. It's money, money, money, pussies, pussies, pussies, it pays to be right. Adal Rifai's Honey Dollie Giveaway. Based on the book Attletude, My Life in Rizzies and Puzzies. And let's check the scoreboard. We're at, Erin has $34, JPC has $17. Damn. I still think you're gonna win. We wasted a little more money up buying that fucking scoreboard than we do with prizes. It's an investment, I told you.

I feel like you stole this from a high school football field.

Yeah, who are the... High school football court, Erin.

Oh, right.

Who are the little boy eagles? Little boy!

That's a Philadelphia professional team. We had an entire hockey team come to World News last night, and we asked the hockey team, they asked a question on the show, which was, how can we win more games? And we asked them what their name was, and they said that their name was the Junior Kings. And I was like, the first thing you could do is up that status. To just be kings. Otherwise call them princes.

That's what JPC said.

No, someone else said that.

No, you said that.

Yeah, it could have been me. Was it me? Yes.

Anti-shaking?

I'm going to Adal Rifai's track.

Was it me? I couldn't remember. It was me. So it's Erin34GPC17. Let's take a quick break to get to know our contestants' financial situations. Whoa, 17 is exactly half of 34. I've got my award-winning app for you. Don't forget you both have a... I listen to my co-hosts where you can solely focus on a card and not have to worry about the stress of buzzing in. Let's get back to it. So what do these three things have in common? Mount Rushmore, Seinfeld, The Beatles.

Puss.

Ooh, I think JPC was slightly ahead.

Mount Rushmore, Seinfeld, and The Beatles? They both, they all dated women when the women were in high school. Oh, hold on. That's just Jerry Seinfeld. He did that when he was a successful comedian with a television show. She was just 17.

You know what I mean? Come on. Yeah.

Yeah. And Teddy Roosevelt. Come on. Rough Rider. Come on. Speaks off. We carry a big stick. Come on. We know you do. So mine was a joke answer, Erin.

Oh, you know.

What's that?

You know what it is.

I was literally only thinking of the joke answer. They all have been stoned.

Four.

What is it?

It's four people. It follows four people. Four. They're both four, aren't they?

Yeah. Can you explain yourself?

The Beatles have four people in it.

And who are the four people in Seinfeld?

Elaine, Jerry, George, and then the neighbor.

The neighbor! I don't know. You're both wrong. Does anybody want to take another guess? Mount Rushmore, Seinfeld. The Beatles. And the Beatles. I mean, Erin's right, but there's a different answer here. Okay. It does have to do with one of the four people you mentioned. Jerry Sanphon? Every one of them has a George.

George the George.

George's. Washington, Constanza, and Harrison. He also, personally, this is going to cause some waves. I feel like he has the best solo albums.

Oh, I love it.

But most people think McCartney, but I think George has the best solo albums.

I like some Wings songs, and I love some solo.

But I feel like George had the best solo albums.

Yeah, George after Beatles was real cool.

Real cool. Got my mindset on you in that video? Come on.

But I think something is the best bridge of any Beatles song. Change my mind.

I don't know.

I mean, for my money, I think Joe Walsh has the best solo albums of Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum I think I've said it on the podcast two or three times. Does anybody know my favorite Beatles song? I'll give you five dollars.

Oh, fuck. We also just talked about this.

Is it... It's a Paul song. Is it the one that's like... It sounds wildly different.

Lady Madonna? No.

It's not Lady Madonna. Ringo stole that from Paul. Your favorite song is a Paul song. George is my favorite, but my favorite song is a Paul song. It sounds very different. It's on the wide album. It's a story.

Eleanor Rigby.

I bought a young man. Oh, Rocky Raccoon.

Rocky Raccoon. You've mentioned that so many times.

$20, J.P.C.

listens to these co-hosts.

20 gets $20?

No. I gave him $5. Which brings my total to $20 because I lost $3. There's a bit in the movie, Role Models, where David Wayne is singing a wingsong. And I think Paul Rudd in that movie is like, that's not a wingsong. He's like, yeah it is. It's not. The joke is he just made up a wingsong. It's a funny bit, but it's a throwaway. But in the credits of that movie, he has a Paul McCartney impersonator sing the song.

That makes me want to watch role models again. Let's get back to it. Here we go. What do these three things have in common? Back of the neck. The kidney. Below the belt. Pause. Places I can come. I mean, all comes below the belt.

Can you say the three again?

Back of the neck, the kidney, below the belt. You ever come on a kidney?

Pause. Yes. Places where if you get punched, you will ejaculate blood.

I don't know. I think I'm tired.

Wait, back of the neck, below the belt, and the kidney? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I read this wrong. My neck,

Do it.

Do it again.

My kidney.

My neck, my back, my kidney.

Back of the neck, the kidney below the belts. If nobody gets this right, we remove $5 from the game.

Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.

Pause. Yes. These are places where you can't hit someone in boxing. These are illegal contact areas in boxing. So I'm going to give GPC $4 for getting it right. I'm going to give Erin $1 for being supportive, even though this is a game show. Yeah, that's good. So it's 32, 35?

JBC and I are in love now because we both said, to me, I know something about my co-mates.

I know something about my cohorts.

I'm so proud to be your cohort.

Philip, Trisha, I don't know if you know each other. I am so proud of your cohort. My co-horse. I know something about my co-horse. Great, so JPC, this next card you can have to yourself if you get this correct. If I get it correct. What is the height of Erin's brother-in-law, Mitch?

She's mentioned it before. Ugly son of a bitch. Okay, so... I... Six three. Fuck me!

Erin, I believe he's 6'7".

He's 6'7".

And your sister is 5'1", or something?

4, I think. 5'4", 6'7".

So what happens now is, Erin, you get this all to yourself. Either you get it, or the $5 is removed from the game. The gorilla of a man. What do these three things have in common? A baseball field, a guitar shop, the military.

Oh my god, I don't know.

A baseball field, a guitar shop, the military. Guitar shop, the military. Baseball field, guitar shop, the military. Also for this one, just a little helpy help, think along the lines of George. No, I'm sorry, Paul. Think along the lines of Paul.

Paul?

From the Beatles. What? I think you just said it. Yeah, I think you just said it.

Yeah, bass. Basses.

What was it? They all have basses. They all have basses. A baseball field, a guitar shop, and the military all have basses. Erin, you get $5. You're up to $40.

They also all have Dodgers.

The Draft.

Draft Dodger, baseball, LA Dodger, and Doja is British for drums.

Roger Dodger.

I went to a... I have a couple of Dodgers and Tom Toms.

I went to a Kishi Bashi concert this past week. It was incredible. I cried the whole time. I loved it. But their bassist is, his bassist is the singer for Tall Tall Trees, which is another band. But he's the most incredible bassist I've maybe ever seen in person. And there's a point in the show where he plays bass with his drumstick. And it's so mesmerizing to watch and it's like incredible. And then also I've seen him play a banjo with his, with like a toy laser gun.

When you say he plays bass with his drumstick.

With a drumstick.

Okay, so he's taking someone else's drumstick.

Maybe. I don't know, I think it's specifically meant for that. But anyways, if you can look up the guy from Tall Tall Trees playing bass, try to. I mean, I never notice. I'm not a musician, so I don't really notice when people are incredible, but he's incredible.

Do you say I never notice when people are incredible?

I never notice when musicians, like it's usually someone I'm with who plays an instrument really, really well or has been in a band, like can let me know, but it is, it's amazing to me when I like notice on my own how amazing it is.

I never notice when people are incredible. The other day I'm in line at the bank, it's like a 15 minute line and then I'm just standing in this line waiting, person in front of me gets up to the front of the bank, the teller goes, oh my God, are you Elastigirl?

I was just gonna... I literally was about to make the joke after Erin was done. I never noticed some people were incredible. I watched a Pixar movie and I was like, what did they forget to put the film on here?

Are we in love?

JPC, you got a dollar to bring up to 33, which is my favorite number.

Also, there's a proposal at that concert I went to, and it was my dream proposal, and it won't happen to me. It'll never happen to me, because I saw it happen. It was amazing. For the encore, he comes to the middle of the audience and plays an acoustic set, and he does three songs, and in between the second and the third song, which are the two most romantic songs he's ever written. Uh, he like pulled a girl up and her boyfriend proposed to her and the whole audience loved it. And I was like, got filled with a rage and Sean called me out for it. He was like, you're so jealous right now. And I was like, I don't even want to get married.

I'm so jealous. Last night, Sean gave you a promposal.

Yeah, I'm going to see your prom with him, I guess.

I can't wait for like 10 years from now. Erin finally opens that fucking microwave and there's a ring in it.

There's been a ring in it this whole time.

It's still dirty. Oh, it's filthy.

We've both long moved out and broken up. Rap For Daddy. Okay. But we're going to do a little Rap For Zetirans. We're going to do a slight mix of this so that Erin feels set up for success. Erin, what's going to happen is you're both going to rap for daddy, but Erin's going to do the A and the B, and JPC has to pay them off.

Oh, fun.

Oh, that makes sense? I just pay off Erin's rhymes.

Yeah, so she'll do an A, you'll do an A, you'll do a B, you'll do a B. Am I trying to set him up for success or mess with him?

It's up to you.

I'm going to genuinely try to make your life easier.

This is going to go very wrong for both of us.

I know.

And the topic is proposals.

Do you want me to start with my name is blank?

You can start with whatever you want. I mean, I would appreciate it.

Okay. My name is boyfriend and I'm here to say I like my girlfriend and I like her this way. So now's the time to get on one knee.

And forget that. It's time to pee. Peeing while I'm on one knee is easier. It's the best way to pee. I'm closer to the ground. I'm closer to my prick. So everybody start to get sick.

Oh no.

Was that about proposals?

Sure. Erin, I'm going to give you $5 for that. JPC, I would give you money, but then instead of working with Erin, you worked solo. And I don't appreciate that. Yeah, I loved it.

I started my own solo project about a guy who pees when he kneels down.

I think that was just your autobiography.

I think if I ever tried to propose and I got that on one knee, I would be very concerned that I'd immediately start peeing.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's just the most natural way to pee.

Yeah, of course. Naturally.

One knee to the ground. Name for me, dollar per correct answer. You don't have to get all of them. The five original X-Men from the comics of the 1960s.

Buzz.

Wolverine. Incorrect. Erin?

Puz. Yes. I don't know X-Men at all. I'm so sorry everybody. Please don't be mad at me. Okay.

I'll still give you money if you can describe them. The Jist. Or if you work in... The Jist. That's one of them. If you describe them, I'll give you the point. Or if you can work in the names of your ex-boyfriends. The X-Men in your life. But they have to be men. They have to be... So over 18. Boyfriends from when you were... Yeah.

Okay. The one who owned the school and lied to me about his age.

So that's two points. Do you want to describe any other ex-mom or ex-boyfriends?

Yes. The one who can melt stuff and also used to put orange starburst in my wallet because he knew I liked them and I would see them on my way to work.

So I'm going to say that was probably Cyclops you were describing, who melts stuff. So I'm going to give you that. So that's another $2. Any other ones you want to describe?

I was going to say, I thought Erin was going to say the one who melts stuff and the one who can't melt stuff anymore because they don't clean the fuck up.

You were here first. He's my ex now. He's your ex man. Any other ones you want to describe? That you have, there's four left.

There's four left.

There's five original ones. They didn't have Professor X on here, but I am going to count that because to me, he's always a woman to me.

The woman who starts as blue but can become anything.

That is Mystique and she is not an original X-Men.

And Simon Cowell. And they wrote a magic show about me and told me it wasn't about me and I went and it was humiliating.

They wrote a magic show? How do you write a magic show? They're actually an incredible magician.

He's a great guy, but he wrote a magic show and sort of didn't make it clear to me how much of it was in me. How much of it I was in?

I'll give you a dollar per inch if you tell us.

I just got really misled and he sort of made me out to be a villain in the show. Like how dare this girl not like me when we first met. And it was like really sad and weird.

And then Erin the joke I'm gonna make is that you then made him two dollars if you had a right. So it sounds like you made him an X-Men. Okay. JPC, do you know what I'm going to say? Disappear. JPC gets $2.

And also, Erin, that show wasn't about you.

I kept telling you it was about my mom!

Tomato, tomato, tomato. Okay, here we go.

He's a good guy.

This is for fun.

Does he listen to the show? He's just nice. And also the Star Wars guy is nice. The only one who was a nightmare was the age one. I just want that to be clear. I've dated some very kind people.

And you did say the age one.

Yeah, the one who lied about his age.

Great. Again, friends episode titles. Okay, here we go. What do these three things have in common? Bacon, comics, moles. Bacon Comics Malls. Don't forget, Erin, you have a... I listened to my co-hosts left. Bacon Comics Malls. Yep, and you have to pause in.

Bacon Comics Malls. Darth Comics, Darth Malls, Darth Bacon.

Can I call for a scene? Sure, yeah. I want to see a scene where JPC, you're Darth Bacon, which is sort of a play on Darth Vader, and Adal, you can be whatever character from the Star Wars universe you want to be talking to Darth Bacon.

Excuse me, Darth Darth Bacon. I know this. I know this. Oh, Darth Bacon. Mario, I'm glad that you've come. I'm gonna win the war against the stars. What do you need from me, Mario?

Yahoo! I'm so glad you asked. I need from you a pipe.

I have a pipe. It looks like this.

A lightsaber.

No, I can't. I'm Darth Bacon. Legally, I can't say lightsaber. I've got to call it a Baconator.

You can say that, but that's it?

I'm sponsored by Burger King. Or Wendy's. Okay. Do you want to choose now? Nope. It's a co-sponsor. Hold on, give me a call.

Go for bacon.

Erin, I'm going to give you $4 because I enjoyed that you included me in the scene work. I'm so self-conscious about it. Did you call the scene? Did I get to play?

Shitting on all those boyfriends. I'm grateful that anyone's ever dated me.

JPC, I'm going to give you $2 for making the music your ringtone. That was kind of fun.

We didn't finish that one, did we?

We did not. Bacon Comics Malls. Bacon Comics Malls. Erin has $55.

JPC has $37.

If you don't, if neither of you gets this, five dollars removes from the game and you both have to rap for daddy.

All of these will be things that Kevin Smith is remembered for and the cause of his death.

Comics. But correct.

I don't know.

I'll give you another one. Bacon Comics Malls Chicken. Bacon Comics Malls Chicken. Uh, bacon, comics, malls, chicken, and a woman named, um, Sapphire. Bacon, comics, malls, chicken, a woman named Sapphire. Or we'll say a woman named Ambrosia. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm sorry, Adal.

Uh, turkey, bacon, turkey, chicken, chicken, egg, egg, malls. Okay, so you do have to both rap for daddy. Damn it. Um, the correct answer is they all come in strips. Bacon strips, comic strips, small strips, chicken strips, and a woman named Ambrosia. I assume. Strips. Strips. So we're going to do the... I wish I could be a stripper.

...working in tandem.

They have the best bodies.

Okay, so you have to... Erin, my name would be Erin. I'm sure I would be proud. They have to laugh so much about stripping. Strippers have the best bodies.

We're doing this right? Yeah. She just pointed at me like that was part of the rules.

I'll do the whole thing I guess. Strippers have the best bodies because they're strong and they've turned into hotties. Great.

And real quick, just to help you.

No, I got it. I got it. I'm killing it. She's got it. You need a lot of strength in your core. What they do is never a bore.

It's Monday night, I'm the strip club king. I come in here and I order wings. To my table, extra sauce. Watch the strippers, then I'm off.

Any notes, Adal? Or you liked it? You loved it.

Um, no notes.

You loved it.

And no money.

He loved it.

I loved it. So there's $8 left in the pool. I'm going to give you each $4.

Seriously, they're so strong.

That brings Erin up to $59. That brings JPC up to $41. Fuck. We're going to go into our lightning round where each question, if you get it right, you can steal from your opponent. Got it. Cool. Don't forget to puzzle. Here we go. This is going to be pretty quick. What do these three things have in common? A trophy fish, a horse, and a tack. A trophy fish, a horse, and a tail?

I'm sorry, is it a trophy fish? A trophy comma fish?

A trophy fish.

Okay.

So like a fish that you're proud of you want to show off? Oh, crazy. Yes. You mount them all. They're all mounted. Yes. You should have added Erin to that list.

High five, man. Ow! My elbow! Your elbow!

What do these three things have in common? Jack, Johnny, Jay.

Pause. Yes. I know something about my co-host. I just want to say something about J.P.C.

Okay. Name one of J.P.C. 's brothers.

He doesn't tell us their names. Sure he does. No, he really doesn't.

Do you know? Yes.

You do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've said them on air, right?

Am I crazy? I can't. The fact that, well, I'm not going to help you out here.

They're in some part of my brain. I think I only know one, though.

You can say one. Or name a hat that JPC has.

Clit hat, CLT.

Perfect. You still have to answer this.

Do you feel comfortable saying your brother's names right now?

I want you to say my brother's names.

No, I'm just saying, like, were you allowed to?

Wait, are we not allowed to talk about family members?

Well, you can't talk about the one that's gone. The one that got eaten by the wolf.

The wolf that you set?

That I set for you? You can't talk about that one.

What are your brother's names? Kevin. Kevin, and then the other one.

So, Kevin and Susie's. Oh, Kevin. Your brother's eaten by a teen wolf.

Wait, what is your older brother's name? Kevin! And then your younger brother's name. Kevin! No, JBC tell me.

They're both names Kevin, except one of my brother's name is Jesse Brown.

Jesse.

Jesse Brown.

And then Kevin. Is that true? It's Jesse, Kevin, and then whatever your name is.

Tommy.

Tommy.

Jesse, Kevin, and Tommy, the boys. This is supposed to be letting you around.

You'd be a real cute Tommy, sorry.

Thank you. No, no, no, this is fun. Sorry, Adal, sorry, Adal, sorry, Adal. No need to apologize. So, Erin, you still have the question. Jack, Johnny, and Jay, what thing do they all have in common?

Are they in, like, rhymes? Like nursery rhymes for kids? No.

Unless, if you can tell me a nursery rhyme involving the name Jay, then I'll give it to you.

Jay Jay, made of hay.

Uh oh. Uh oh. The game's over. The game's over. Erin wins. Erin wins. Jack off, Jay off, John off. JJ made a mistake. He can't go to the bonfire. That's my favorite thing ever said on the podcast. Erin, I'm giving you a full hundred dollars.

I don't care.

You should care. You're getting $100. Please. You should care.

Please don't give me $100. I'm picturing a grandma sitting down to read like a children of... J.J. made of hay. He couldn't go to the bonfire.

Erin, have you ever read a book of children's poems? That could go on. That book.

No one would buy that. Okay.

That was incredibly, incredibly... What was the answer?

I'm so sorry.

Jack, Johnny, Jay are all hosts of the Tonight Show. Oh, of course they are. Jack, Benny, Jack, Benny, John, Mini.

Johnny Carson and Jay Leno. And then it was... Coan and O'Brien, who's the best, and then Jimmy Fallon, and then the next.

And the next is gonna be... Erin Keif. Melissa McCarthy.

Wait, is Jimmy Fallon still the host of The Tonight Show? Mm-hmm. Sure. Really? Yeah. What is Stephen Colbert host?

David Letterman.

Former David Letterman. That's late night. Um, Erin, I'm going to give you a full hundred dollars because I'm a mama of my worb. He's a mama of his worb.

That's insanely sweet and unnecessary. You can give me 59 or 69 dollars, whatever it was.

I'll give you 69. Is that what you prefer?

I give you a hundred dollars from you. We'll be humiliating. I did not deserve it.

I'd like to go on the record and say that's what I prefer.

I have a question. What is everyone's favorite late night host?

Um, oh boy. I mean, it used to be, I mean, it's currently John Oliver, but is he considered a late night host?

Yeah, I guess so.

I think he's won a Kimmys for that.

Well, then that would be mine too, but I think like you're like conventional Carson Daly.

Boy. It used to be Jon Stewart. I don't know. I don't really, I guess I like.

No, Jon Stewart didn't do late night though. He had, no, but he, but that show, but like late night.

If John Oliver was considered late night, John Stewart was, because Daily Show came on way later than the last week. Yeah, I guess it was. I really enjoy Stephen Colbert, but I don't like how religious he gets. He gets overly religious and starts to talk to people. Just because it's not your religion. It's his religion. But I find him incredibly funny.

I also love the Colbert Report, so it's hard. I compare it to that sometimes.

What is yours, Erin?

Growing up, I loved Letterman. We were a real Letterman house, but I think now that I'm older, I think Conan in general, but Seth Meyers to me is like the best interviewer.

Oh, he's great.

He's so good at being specific with people and making people look good and also relaxed, I think.

And Erin, you're wearing a Letterman jacket. I am. That's an honor of David Letterman?

Mm-hmm. I guess. But it says Seth Meyers on it.

I don't really watch Late Night and I haven't in like a decade of the Tonight Show or Late Show or whatever those shows are, like the network Late Night shows. But I always loved Conan O'Brien's show growing up when he was in the late, late slot, like the after Tonight Show slot. That's pretty magic. Because it was just the swings that they would take with the sketch writing that they did and then they had like the reoccurring characters like the masturbating bear and stuff like that.

Anything John Glazer or Brian Stack did, those guys are both very, very funny. So yeah, that's mine. Do we want to wrap our plugs? No?

Money, money, money. It pays you rewrite. Adal Rifai's Hundie Dollie Giveaway.

Adal Rifai's Hundie Dollie Giveaway.

Based on the puzzle-tude.

I'd like to cede my plug time to Erin doing a rap song.

Oh, great.

And it's a rap about my parts.

Here, Erin, I'll set you up.

Here we go. Follow me, Erin Keif, 10 on Instagram. That's my real plug.

My one plug is if you're in Chicago, check out a little place called Kingston Mines. It's my favorite place to go. Okay. Do you have any plugs? No, I'm ceding my plug time for this rap song. Okay. Here we go. It is a rap about my plugs. So it's going to be A-A-B-B, Erin, and you're going to pay off what I say. Well, my name is Adal, and I'm here to say... It's a rap about my plugs.

Time to end this podcast at the end of the day.

I eat too much food, feeling pretty poop-a-der.

Poop-a-der? See you next time. We're off to Neptune. Oops, Jupiter!

I'm

My favorite brand of soap has to be Lever.

Justin Bieber. Fly forever. That was a hate gun podcast.