Which Riddle Riddle?

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle. And the horses came riding.

Riddles? Where we're going, we don't need riddles. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm Erin Keif. Weird.

We don't need riddles. Yes. I think our Patreon proves that. Because we're going in a new direction. Need riddles? Yes. Then I can be free. JPC, it's not you, it's your puzzles.

I have a question, Adal. I know that we did a Patreon based on this once, but when you thought about doing a podcast with me and JPC, you thought about Phrase the Roof. Were there any other ideas when you were thinking, I'm going to create a podcast?

I don't think so. I mean, I've talked about this before, but JPC and I, two years ago, walking home from a World News show, we talked about doing a morning zoo crew one. So that was the only other idea. But then, yeah, I think when we had dinner, Red Cross from the Webster Theater, the three of us, I can't remember. That place has been like 40 different places. It's called like 312 Diner or something. That place is burned down 100 years. What? Oh, that's right. We ate on ashes.

I will say that that place, I don't remember the food there at all.

Yeah. That's already a new place. Yeah. But that's our first meeting. That's the first great meeting of mine's. And I remember when I told you guys the concepts, I feel like you were not very enthused, Erin.

No, I was. I was lying. I was so excited to do a podcast with the two of you, but I was lying.

First dates, first meetings, lie, lie, lie. Lie through your teeth. You gotta do it. It's the NSYNC rule.

What are some lies you tell on a first date? JPC.

You famously bite your nails on lie?

Some lies that I tell on a first date? Here's a big lie I tell on a first date.

My dick works. I'm single.

My dick works for you. I have a dope book for another four years of old bad dick.

Old Charlie Bad Dick.

Charlie Bad Dick's only got his dick's interest.

This ad is sponsored by Charlie Bad Dick.

This ad is sponsored by the new horror movie Bad Dick Book.

I feel like I'm more likely to laugh at something that is not funny on a first date.

Okay, I'm going to, sorry to call the scene so fast. JPC, you and I, pretend I'm not me. Okay. We're on a first date. Gotcha. Easy. I want you to show, just laugh at my bad jokes.

Okay. Here, I'll give you some water. Oh, you're Erin Keif and you're JPC. Very nice. I'll leave you some waters and I'll be right back.

Bye Adal.

When you guys leave the tip, just remember I'm not doing so hot.

Yeah, we know.

I got fired from all my podcasts. Yeah, we know. Good to see you. How's everything going?

Thanks so much for stopping by. That waiter should have waited somewhere else to... That's our friend.

That's our friend, and he's on hard times.

Yeah, it must be on hard times because there's bread as hard as a rock.

What are you doing? What are you doing? That's our friend. He got fired from the podcast.

Speaking of fire, these candles are fake on this table.

I'm gonna go. You're bad vibes. You're bumming me out.

We're finally on a date though. People have been shipping us, have they? For years.

Look, let's just cut out the middleman, okay? I'm going to... You already did. We used to call him the middleman.

Yeah.

Look, you know, we don't have to do this, okay? Why don't I just all tweet out that we've had a great time together. I know that you only care about the fucking followers. So you'll get what you want and I'll get what I want.

Yep, I want some good service around here, am I right?

Are we on a podcast? Is that why you're trying to make jokes? Are you fucking filming this? Are you recording this for a podcast?

I thought he would laugh at my jokes. And yes, we're gonna go to an ad.

But not on Adal. You're out.

Hi, my name is Charlie Baddick. You might have heard a lot of rumors about me, but just know that even though my dick doesn't work, I will work for you. No, that's exactly what I said you wouldn't do. How did you get on set for my commercial?

Well, that was one of the worst dates I've ever been on, but not the worst.

50 worst dates.

When I date the guy once and all he talked about was hot sauce. Different kinds of hot sauce he likes.

Honestly, that sounds amazing. No, it's so boring. He's so boring. First date, what's a topic you wanted to talk about?

Me!

What if you?

What if Erin had just gone on the show Hot Ones and she didn't know it? She was being interviewed and they were eating hot sauce.

What a bad date. What do you want to talk about on your dates?

Probably something fun.

Yeah, I think 50-50 me, 50 them, right? I want to hear about their life and hear about my life.

I want to hear about them. I want to hear about what makes them laugh. I want to hear about their favorite movies and TV shows.

Yeah, I'm definitely like, I want to pick their brain for pop culture to see if our interests align. Because if they're like, I don't own a TV, I'm like, we're going to have a big problem. Failure to launch. Matthew McConaughey.

You're going to have a big TV?

We're going to have to go buy you a TV. For sure. For sure. My treat. From the Midwest, of course. My treat. I'll always buy a woman a TV on a date. I don't know that I care about pop culture stuff too much. I don't think I'd do favorite TV, favorite book.

I don't, yeah, I'm not basing a relationship on pop culture, but it's just the idea of... Oh no, that's what it fucking sounded like, bitch.

That's why I'm dating a mirror. I used to, if only, had a huge crush on him when I was like 19. So what was I gonna say about this? Oh, on a first date, my go-to question, I just remember this, is I used to be like, who's your best friend?

Ooh.

And they'd be like, she's all hot, and I'm Keif so hot, can't believe how lucky I am to be on this date. Nice.

I have to say, what's one thing you're excited about?

My classic first date question, and usually it's a restaurant, I say, see the waiter? How many hits do you think it would take before I could kill him?

One, two, three. If I had to kill him with punching, how many punches? On the first date I say, finish this sentence for me. My grandma and your grandma sitting by a fire. Finish the sentence. My grandma and your grandma sitting by a fire. I would date you.

Talk about hey now, hey now, up-a-dup-a-dah-ay.

Can you somehow make it a part of a riddle?

Having a pino han nah nay, riddles and pinone.

Riddles and pinone? Yeah.

That's a t-shirt. Riddles and pinone. Erin should just design all of our t-shirts with Erin quotes. I have two bottles of wine, I got red, I got pinone.

Do you guys, I'm not drunk yet. Do you want to open a bottle of Pinot Noir? It's a bottle of Pinot Noir that I peed into.

Sir, have you made a selection? Yeah, I'll just do a glass of the Pinot Noir.

And can you tell my grandmas to stop making up?

Okay, Riddles.

Erin is old grandma by the fire puzzles.

And I am ready.

Fire me up some puzzle cookies, grandma.

Here are some warm-up riddles from Christi Kelly. Oh, she says, Dr. Christi Kelly. This is a doctor. And what?

A doctor was the Kelly.

And she goes, OK, to use my full name and compliment me profusely. Congratulations on being a doctor.

Yeah, but of what, right? I mean, like, you can get a doctorate just by going to fucking school for a long time.

Oh, I'm looking at the email. It says, compliment me profanely. You're fucking great. Fucking doctor. This is a very specific format for Riddles.

Oh my god. These are fictional names. Each name has two parts, the first and the last name, okay?

Okay. Fictional names, first two parts, got it.

Hint, each clue has three parts. The first name, the last name, and the total name in that order.

Hold on. The first name, the last, each?

Each clue has three parts. Each clue, okay, I'm sorry. It's each clue. So, the first name, the last name, and the total name.

That's when I introduce myself, I say, I'm Adal Rifai, that's my first name, my last name, my total name. And then I eat some cornflakes. You can call me John Patrick Coan.

Total name. Do you call it your total name? Or is this person a doctor of being a fucking idiot? You know what I'm saying? Total name.

Total fucking fail. Where do you go to get your doctorate in being an idiot?

I go fuck myself, you?

Are we ready for the first one? Sure. Name one. A man who is generous but unaccountable for his crimes.

A man who is generous but unaccountable for his crimes. We're looking for two words here? Yeah. Is this like known words or are these celebrities?

No, this is not a real person. I don't think so. But it sounds like a first and last name, but it's also a saying.

So a generous person who's not accountable for their crimes.

Is someone who, well you're not accountable for crimes, you're insane, right? Or, no, that's not... I'm insane and these are my puppets. Adita Menzel?

The wicked, the talented Nizel? I did a scene with Erin last night where we were all playing Bostonians and I said, the wife and I went and saw a fucking awesome Broadway show, it was fucking wicked. And that was pretty fun. And the crowd was like, one, two, three. Is insane the last name?

No.

Is the first part philanthropist?

No.

But it sounds like a name, like George or Ben, right?

Yeah, it's a first name. The first name is a real name.

I feel like I needed to hear an example.

I know.

The name is, can we make this first one an example? Is there enough for the first one? No, we can't.

Yeah, there's enough to burn one. Why not?

No, no, no. Is the first name a word for being generous?

Is it synonyms?

Is it giving?

No, it's more about thinking a man who's generous, but unaccountable for his crimes. So it's like, what's another way of saying getting away with a crime?

You're getting away... Oh, his name is Scott Free?

Yeah.

Oh. That's his full name. Oh, I see. Giving stuff for free. So Scott Free. So it's going to be a phrase, a well-known phrase that ticks off book boxes. Okay. It's not like a portmanteau. So would Scott Free be a good answer for that?

That is the answer.

It's one of the answers.

It's the answer.

Well, no. That's what I came up with. What did she come up with?

Scott Free. Okay.

It seems easy for her to say after I already fucking said it, so I guess I'm smarter than a doctor once again.

Here's where I must interject and just apologize to the audience. JBC has been neck deep in a bowl of kibble. We don't know what's happened to him. He showed up. He's wearing a potato sack.

First of all, this is not me being neck deep in a bowl of kibble. I'm wearing a dog collar full of kibble, okay? There's a difference.

Kibbles and bits.

Kibbles and bits.

All right, next one.

I was biting my kibbles, so they put me in this collar.

Uh, you know what? We can't have you chewing your stitches. We can't have you chewing your stitches.

Well, I always say, I always say snitches get stitches and my butt's stitched.

What is happening?

I don't know, Erin.

Let's take that again.

Okay. I always say stitches, I always say snitches get stitches and my butt's been snitching.

All right. Take three.

Okay. Every kiss begins with K and this is dialogue from Men in Black 2? Yep. All right.

We're moving on. Next name. A boy who gets in a lot of small fights and always gets what he wants through deception.

Tif... Tifception. Tif... Fortet.

Tif... You got one. Tif... That's maybe not the first name.

Oh. What was the second part of the riddle?

And always gets what he wants through deception.

Manipulative.

You getting closer?

Manipulative. Tif.

Who's someone who always gets what they want through deception?

The Joker. He wanted Batman to catch up. Classically. Who's someone who always gets what they want through deception? JPC.

That's true. Did you hear about Eleanor's husband? He turned out to be a... Rabbit.

A rabbit. He was one of those... Turned out to be a sociopath. Sociotif.

This is not spelled so it's going to phonetically sound like what this phrase is I'm trying to get you to say with tips at the end.

With tif. With tif or tif?

Tif.

It's phonetically going to end with tif. I love the hint. Did you hear about, did you hear about Helen's husband? Turns out he was a blank. That gives us nothing. That's like saying, Oh guys, you're so close. Hold on. You guys are so close. Let me give you a hint. Um, he opened the box and it was a, come on. It's right there. He paid money and bought a fuck you guys. Come on.

And now, and that someone would say is the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tiff. No, so did you hear about Helen's husband? She turned out to be a vampire or he turned out a lot out to be that like Leonardo DiCaprio's character in Catch Me If You Can. He was a millionaire. Yeah, what a shame he turned out to be a millionaire.

He was snubbed for an Oscar tiff. He was a con man. Con tiff. Con tiff. Con tiff.

Plain tiff. I think this is as close as you're going to get it.

No, no, no. Con tiff. Conner tiff. You got it.

You got it. You got it.

What is it?

Conner tiffs. Con artiste. Conner tiffs.

Oh, so now they're getting tricky. We just get the hang of it and then they fuck us. Wow. Doctor fuck us.

Dr. Fuck Us. Can you help us?

Sex With Me is like Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm going down on the ship.

Adal, I'm going to see. That's the perfect segue because that's going to be the opening to your new talk show. You have a call in talk show. It's a sex advice talk show. And your name is Dr. Fuck Us.

Hey, welcome back to Dr. Fuckers.

We're going to take some calls. Of course, when you call in, you're going to tell me that sex with you is like blank. I'm going to help you out and we're going to do some fun sex jokes together. We've got our first caller on the board.

Welcome to Dr. Fuckers. Hi, my name is Jane. I'm from Toledo, Ohio.

Okay. And sex with you is like what?

Uh, sex with me is, um, uh... Say a good thing.

Uh, here, let me give you an example. Did you hear that Helen found out that her husband was a blank? Fill in a blank and we'll make that a, uh, joke. Virgin. Uh, sex with me is like a virgin. Fuck. That, that doesn't work. Sex with me is like a virgin. I have a refrigerator. Here we go. Sex with me is like a refrigerator. Cold. Thanks for watching

That's pretty good. You're Branson, you lose some. You're Branson, you lose some. Branson. Branson. Sex with me is like Missouri. For Virgin, you're Branson.

Sex with me is like a refrigerator. You'll be leaning over it in the middle of the night when you're hungry.

Sex with me is like a refrigerator. I'm going to ice that box. Mine was super gross. Sex with me is like my ex-wife, Frigida.

We have to move to another color. Her name was Bridget, sorry.

Next color, you're on the line with Dr. Fuggles.

Hey, this is Jeff from Toledo. I would say sex with me is like a refrigerator.

Okay, sex with me is like a refrigerator. One of the most expensive appliances you'll ever buy.

Sex with me is like a refrigerator. Sex with me is like a refrigerator. It's cold on one side, but really cold on the other side.

Sex with me is like a refrigerator. Stuffed with leftovers.

Sex with me is like a refrigerator. I have a little drawer that keeps vegetables crisp. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Hey Riddle.

Sex with me is like a banana. It's appealing. Instead of that, I would come out and be like, sex with me is like a banana because I'm Argentina's number four import, and I cost way less than you would think due to a mass overuse of migrant workers. I would just launch into whatever bullshit, and everyone would be like, what? And then the next person would go, OK, sex with me is like a banana because I got a curved dick. I wasn't going for that.

Or you do it like halfway, like, sex with me is like an alarm clock. If you slap me, I beep three times, and then I snooze for eight minutes. It's like, well... Sex with me is like a clock, alarming. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, no, it's not. Don't slap me.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Erin, don't slap me. Erin, don't slap me. Uh, were we in the... No, we were just doing scenes. We did not have Riddle.

We just saw... Here's another one. These are supposed to be warm-up riddles, but I love that we're really just taking an easy breezy time through this.

We're taking these to fucking task.

A repairman... Dr. Two First Names.

Fuckin' Kathryn Kelly or some shit.

A repairman who uses... Kelly Rowland. Adhesive to fix everything and listens to his favorite song while working. He writes this on his toolbox. A repairman who uses adhesive to fix everything and listens to his favorite songs while working. He writes this on his toolbox.

And toolbox is where he keeps all his tool CDs. Top 40 glue. Glue 40. Glue.

Not glue.

Casey Musgraves.

What's different? Is it Casey Musgraves? It's Casey Musgraves.

That fits.

It definitely fits.

That was definitely an option. Definitely Casey Musgraves. Who's at bat and digs in the cemetery? Casey Musgraves.

What's a different kind of adhesive?

Glue. Velcro. Gorilla glue. Gorilla glue. Paste. What else? Adhesive. Nail staples.

What's something that sticks things together?

Staples. God, it's not my parents' marriage. That fell apart. Things that stick things together. Post its... Post potatoes. Is it a liquid? Or is it viscous?

It's not a liquid.

Glue stick. Magnet. Magnet. Magneto. Is it light glue?

Yeah, it works similarly.

What do I find in a classroom? Yeah, a lot of it. Kid come.

Is it kid come?

18-year-old kid come. Kid come. Kid come. What do we think?

I would find this adhesive in a classroom.

But it's not paste or glue. It's not something that's viscous. It's not... Let me work on the other half of this.

Wait, that's wild that you don't know this. It's like the most common adhesive. Tape.

Tape? Okay. I never think of tape as an adhesive. Yeah, because it's... It is, but I'm thinking of like, tape doesn't usually... I guess it can. I don't think of tape as binding to things, but it does.

It does.

That's the last name. So the first part, let me read it again. A repairman who uses adhesive to fix everything and listens to his favorite songs while working. He writes this on his toolbox. It's something tape.

Are we right with cassette tape? Is that part of it?

It's not cassette. What's a different word you can put for tape?

Audio tape? Video tape?

It's something we used to make for our crushes.

Mix tape. Max tape.

Oh, MITKS. Mix tape.

Oh, he writes on his toolbox.

Mix tape.

Mix tape.

I made a huge mix tape.

Perfect. Do you want a bonus one? There's one bonus one. Feed me, doctor. A male math teacher that is so into fracking, he treats his sums like crude oil.

Whoa, what? You're not allowed to frack the students.

A male math teacher that is so into fracking, he treats his sums like crude oil.

Crack denominator. He treats his sums like crude oil? Sums.

Sorry, I'm a mumbler. He treats his sums like crude oil? A male math teacher that is so into fracking, he treats his sums like crude oil.

What's that big pipe? Pipeway, Sarah Palin, Alaska?

Yeah, Sarah Pipeway. Is it Sarah Pipeway, Erin? Is it Sarah Pipeway?

It's Sarah Pipeway. This is actually a real person.

It's not Derek. Is it drill?

No.

Does the first name have to do with drilling or something like that? Drill baby drill?

No.

We had a baby, it's a drill. It's more like... What about math teacher?

It's the opposite of subtracting.

Adding. Add on. Addison. Adal. Adal. Oh, Adal Refract.

Adal Refine. Adoil Refinery.

Adal Refinery.

I like when people work our names into this because then it shows our name in the middle of this show.

That's awesome. Thank you. And it was Kevin and Kelly. No. Dr. Candy Kelly.

It is Dr. Christy Kelly.

Dr. Christy.

And we think you're great and tall and funny. Kelly, you're fucking awesome. Kelly. Christy Kelly. Dr. Kelly.

I think you're great. I think you're tall. I think you're awesome. I take back everything bad I said about you. You're a great doctor. I will recommend you to all of my patients.

You make the best penne pasta. And I just want to say that your fruit punch has changed my life.

Okay. And now we have another email with more riddles.

The plot thickens. I'm sorry, that's my pancake batter. But it's thickening up really nicely.

Ooh, the cough thickens. Oh, sorry. No, that's my penis. It's getting smaller. Get out of my pancake batter. Wait a second. It feels so good. Wait a second. American pancake.

A new movie? A prequel. Because it's batter. It's a prequel because it's batter.

Ooh, what if we call it batter up?

Adal, it's just you and I, we're at a fucking submarine. The world is melting away. We're just writing this movie. Stifflers back, baby. Call Sean Williams, cop on the phone and get him working. It's called working Stifflers.

They're having a lot of fun. No, no, no, no.

This is a disease. It's called bad jokes.

The AMA recognizes toxic masculinity. It's a crippling phobia.

I have an email from Claudia. We have permission to use Claudia's full name. Cool. Claudia, hello.

Thank you for your email.

This is what Claudia has to say. Hello, Erin.

Fuck me. I'm not mentioned.

I think you're the berries. You're super hilarious and off-the-charge charming. I'm sorry. I don't need to be reading this part I guess. She thinks you're the berries? Love the three of you. Gushy, gushy, gushy. Anyway, on to only connect. If you're new to the podcast, I live. I am!

Sorry, of course, famously JPC died. We had to get Ray PC, who's his cousin.

Honestly, a lot better. You're great. I love you, Ray PC.

Hey, thanks. I'm just glad to be here. I've got fucked up teeth. That's my differentiating factor.

Ray PC. And you're really Usher? Uh-huh. At the movie theater? Here's your sheet.

Popcorn. Popcorn. Popcorn.

As we all know, does the movie start at five o'clock?

Yeah. Yeah.

It doesn't. It's 7.15.

Ben, go ahead.

I'm historically the surrogate for the audience on this podcast, so I get a minute lifestyle.

You're pregnant? Yeah. You're their way in. Yeah. Mr. Accessible over here. Mr. Everyman. Man of the people.

I've always said if you meet me, do not make eye contact. With the king. Did I ever tell you about the time where I was in senior year of math class in high school? It was algebra two. I had failed the honors version of algebra two the year before. And I was talking in class and doing my jokes and the teacher called me up and she said, hey, John, since you're talking in class, maybe you'd like to come up to the board and do the problem that we're working on. So I walked up to the board and I did the problem exactly right. And I turned back to my teacher and I said, you know, if you want to take a shot at the king, you best not miss. And the class erupted and I was like, Shouldn't have done that, but she did not handle the power shift well. I've become Omar from the wire.

You have told that story before, but it might have been Patreon.

And then you fell in love after that? What happened? What could possibly happen after a moment like that?

I was actually unable to love from that day on.

How much trouble were you in?

No trouble. She did not handle it well. She let me win that fight because she was so embarrassed. But it was pretty funny. Because you tried to embarrass me, but you could take a shot at the king better than I should.

Say what you will about JPC, but he's quick. His comedy comes fast. If your comedy was a restaurant, it would be fast food.

It'd be Jimmy John's. Yeah.

Because the smells are free, and you won't give us comedy unless we live it within five minutes of you.

If my comedy were a restaurant, it would be Jimmy John's because publicly, my politics is very different from my private politics.

Tell me, what is your sex like?

Hi Doctor, my name is Clay. I am from Toledo, Ohio. Sex with me is like a refrigerator.

We purposely ask people for a fast food restaurant. And your fast food restaurant was a refrigerator?

Yeah, I just love refrigeration.

That's where you get food fast!

Okay. Yeah, nothing fast enough to get food out of your own fridge.

Oh, yeah, that's the thing. The refrigerator. Sex is made like a refrigerator. Refrigerator Perry. No.

Famously paid for the bear. Big man. He's dead. Oh. Well, let's play a little song for Refrigerator Perry. This is, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- It would be Applebee's, because he's staring off at his face.

Shutting down fast because of health concerns.

Because we close it too.

Service is slow, but ooh, that skillet brownie. Erin, if your comedy was a restaurant, what would it be?

I'm trying to think. A Chili's too, because I'm only really useful in an airport and I make you sad.

I think, I think Erin your comedy is like a Cracker Barrel. Better than you think?

Question board? You can get a rocking chair too.

And a cinnamon broom.

Can you guys start calling me Cinnamon Broom? I sort of look like one. Oh my god. Wiry hair.

Cinnamon broom.

Great in the fall.

Witches ride you.

Witches ride me.

Old Cinnamon Broom. That should be a tattoo you get on your back, like Witches Ride Me.

Witches Ride Me. Old Cinnamon Broom. Okay. Witches Ride Me. Who is this? Claudia. Thank you, Claudia. Only Connect is a British game show that's the gentlest show on TV. I'm obsessed with it. All the episodes are on YouTube. I can't recommend it enough. It's very good for your brain. I love it.

You know what, Erin? Fuck, this sucks. I think the job that you just didn't describe being Only Connect was trash. So we got to have people just go watch it. Why don't we take a break? We'll go, we'll go, we'll go far fucking away. We'll get as far from you as possible. We'll take a break. You go on YouTube, you watch an episode of Only Connect, then you come back to the puzzle you have to franchise, you know? Everybody good with that? You good with that Spider-Man?

I guess my comedy is more like a Perkins obsolete.

Oh God. My comedy is like the Mexican restaurant two blocks from my house. It will give you diarrhea and you're going to love it. There's a Mexican restaurant, two bucks from my house, that does give me diarrhea every time I eat there. Stop eating there! No, I love it. And Mariah was like, where do you want to go to dinner one time? And I was like, oh, let's go to this place. And she was like, that place that always gives you diarrhea? And I said, maybe I'm not describing the type of diarrhea. And that is something that she says to me often now.

Maybe I'm not this crazy. What a hot couple. So if you've got a hot couple, we do have to take a break.

We are going to take a break. Oh, is this all still on the air? Jesus Christ. We're going to hear from a couple of our sponsels, which were some people that lived next to me when I was growing up. Shout out to those sponsels. These are special tonsils? We'll be right back. We're going to do the best of it.

All right. So we're going to just get into these instead of me explaining.

I love that. Oh, we should say, and we're back. She said, all right. Erin, can we hear, cause you've been doing it all day and for some reason you haven't been doing on this episode. Can we hear your Jim Carrey impression?

Somebody. So based on all right, you didn't want to play with that one? I'm the Grinch.

Okay, so as we all know, the way to get into all Jim Carrey actions is, accents is 30 seconds of silence, and then... And then... Liar, liar! And then say one of his roles. I'm the cable guy. Hey Adal, I'd like to hear your Jim Carrey.

No smoking. Okay. JBC, I would like to hear your Mariah Carey. I will survive. Okay. Great. JBC, I'd like to hear your Jim Carrey. Okay. Passion of the Christ? Yeah, he was Judas with a mask. Caviezel. Carrey. Passion of the Jims. Oh yeah, that's right. It was Judas, Jesus, and then Jim Carrey played Cuban Pete.

Matty just, well, well, well.

Somebody crucify me.

How did that, that really got away from us.

All right.

So as you know, only connect questions are sort of like a bunch of mini puzzles that add up to one big puzzle.

It's been like a ton of episodes since we've done this, right?

Yeah. It's been like maybe 40 episodes. Okay.

And we should say this, this might've been cut for air, but earlier we were talking about Mickey puzzles and of course his wife's name is Minnie puzzles. We're having fun.

Erin just jumped off the roof. It's soft on the bottom. You can jump. Okay. Like Flubber. Sex from these is like Flubber.

Rabbit wipes puts it in your shoes. No, no, damn it.

Sex from these is like Flubber. You're surprised that it's neon green, but you get used to it.

Sex with me is like flubber, you haven't thought about it since the late 90s. Sex with me is like flubber, ladies.

All right. So puzzle one. So you have to answer each one right. I'm not going to confirm or deny each little question right until the end. Okay. Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise in a certain movie. Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise in a certain movie. Another word for a condom. Last name of the actor who played Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Singular immune deficiency disease. What is the connection between those four answers?

Anthony Heade played Giles. I don't know if it's Head or Heade, but it's H-E-A-D. So Head, Rubber. Rubber Brothers? Were they brothers in that movie? What's the name of that? It's Rain Man. So Rain, Rubber, Head, Heade.

You had one of those things wrong. You had it right and then you... So Rain Man.

Hey Riddle.

Sid's?

No, that's a deficiency disease.

I don't really get that. Is rubber right?

Yeah, that's one of them.

Is head right? Brothers rubber head.

So what's a way to connect that?

So brothers, these are things that you put on your dick. Head. Things that, oh god. Brothers. Graham. Things that are Graham.

Like sometimes the connection is they have like the same amount of letters and sometimes the connection is another word to add to that.

Yeah. Brothers. There's a word that... Is it all like the vowel sound is not how it's supposed to be? Like it's not rubber or broothers?

No, it's a word that you put before or after all of those.

Oh. That's your major head. Rubber boots. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Head baby buggy bumpers. Head bangers. Rubber bangers. Brother bangers. Head case. Brothers kiss. Brother. Brother. Rubber. Brother fucker. Brother ducky.

Brother fucker.

Brother fucker.

What just happened?

I'm Brother Frucker. Oh, my sister's in law. Brother Frucker. Brother Frucker. That's what I call him.

What's up, my Brother Frucker? God damn it.

Gotta get these brother fucking snakes off this brother fucking plane. What's the answer to the fourth one? Will that help us?

That's gonna make it too obvious, I fear.

Oh. So, head, okay. What is that one? It's lice.

Brothers, rubber, head. Singular immune deficiency disease. That one has a question mark.

Sid? No. I don't know what the answer to that one is. Singular?

Oh, I see. I see what they did. I see what they did. OK. I didn't understand. This is a really... You might not ever get this. It's taking a letter off of a disease because it's singular. It's making a disease singular.

That's not funny because I have the answer. No, I'm saying I have the answer.

So what is it?

I'm in the answer ward.

Immune deficiency disease and then take a letter off of it that will make it singular.

Oh, aid?

And it's a word that... ...teachers... ...teachers... ...brother... ...teachers... ...smothers... ...brothers... ...aid... ...aid... ...farmers... ...hearing... ...hearing aid... ...brothers... ...mmm... ...farmer brothers... ...rubber... ...fuck me on my best friend's boat. What is the answer? Hey, you're back with Dr. Fuck Me on my brother's boat.

And two of the words, so the two middle clues, the word that connects to it is after.

Here's what I'll say.

Just like most riddles.

It's fun when you get it. Sex with me is like riddles. It's fun when you get it. It's fun.

He can get it. I also think I haven't done these in so long that my brain is not tuned to them, and it never was. And I'm one of the dumbest people I know. I have eaten bark on multiple occasions. And by bark you mean dog. I took bark right out of the dog's mouth. I've eaten bark out of a dog's mouth.

I've eaten wolf out of a dog's mouth? What are we doing? Who knows? Cool, that was fun. Before we move on, I do want to see a scene. I want you two to make your best guest at what a scene from Band of Brothers sounds like.

Oh, we're really bogged down in this war. Damn it, Sarge. Damn. War is hell. This is world. This is world war. War won. We call it. This is the world war we won. This is the one. We're still fighting, but we're going to win. We're going to win, Sarge. So if you see someone say something. If you see something, say something. Don't shoot, because we won. We're in this, I want to call this a foxhole.

This is a foxhole.

Or is this a trench? Ooh, boy. What is the difference between a foxhole. Foxholes and a trench. Anybody hear it? Where's hell? Where is hell?

Where's David Schwimmer?

Is he?

He shouldn't be.

He was an asshole earlier. He was an asshole? I think Tom Hardy's around here somewhere. Tom? For a little bit. Tom? Dennis? No. Thomas? Is he British?

I'm Jimmy Fallon and I'm here for a second.

No, that doesn't make sense. That doesn't track. No chance of no.

Oh, there's a French. That was just a thing of mustard. Oh, cool. I thought that was a French branch. A French. I think I watched Band of Brothers.

I did, it's very good. Sounds like you did. It's very good. I think I maybe watched it a decade ago, and like anything that happened to me a decade ago, I do not remember it.

I'm a huge fan of this next one. Are we ready? Yes.

Are we ready?

Okay. titular character in a zombie movie.

titular character in a zombie movie. Okay.

Mr. Webster, who met the devil.

Mr. Webster. Oh boy, I don't know that.

Half of a battle droid catchphrase.

I love it. How rude. Was Michelle Tanner a droid? Oh my, how rude.

Another word for puncture.

Puncture stab. I think I got two.

Titular character in a zombie movie. Mr. Webster, who met the devil.

Sean, dictionary. Is Sean the first one? John? Dictionary. I was going to say Don. Mr. Webster, who met the devil. Wait, not dictionary though, right? The devil went down to Webster. He was looking for the source of steel. What's that clue? He was in a pickle.

Boy, let me tell you what.

Boy, let me tell you what. What's another word for buying?

Half of a battle droid catchphrase.

So Battle Droid is going to be, it's either going to be beep boop, so boop, or C2, C3PO. The Battle Droids from episode one, right? Battle Droid, say... Is that a Battle Droid?

Anybody want to be not... Is that Star Wars? Roger Roger.

Roger Roger. That's right. Roger Sean. Roger Sean. These are all members of the who?

Another word for Puncture.

Puncture. Stab. Sting. Sting.

These are all Erin's ex-boyfriend's names. Or current boyfriend.

No, but these are their names. They're men's names and they all have something in common.

Is Daniel Webster, is it Daniel Webster? Yeah, Daniel Webster, Roger, Sean.

Roger, Sean, Daniel, Pierce.

Yep.

Pierce Brosnan. They're all Bons. They all played Bons. Yeah! Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, C-3PO. Roger, Roger. Oh, oh dear. The name is Bond. C3P at Bond.

So I want to see a scene. And there's been some kind of mix-up confusion with the paperwork.

There's been what? Oh, I'm sorry. The scene prompt. Oh my god. If the paperwork was fucked up, I would be... No, JBC, we're still divorced.

Relax. Still divorced. You two have both been told that you are the new James Bond and you're in a scene in the new James Bond movie and you both think you're James Bond. Got it.

Well, nice to see you. I can't believe that we're meeting face to face. Of course, my name is Bound, James Bound.

It's a pleasure to see you. My name, of course, is Band. James Band.

Oh, you must be some sort of mimic. That's your villainy powers to mimic someone. You're the mirror? Is that what they call you, the mirror?

No, I'm a American businessman on travel. Let's dispense the formalities. I'm James Bond.

Well, to be fair, my name is Bond. James Bond.

Well, my name is Bond. James Bond.

Let's agree to be a Bond Brothers. And action?

Punch, punch, kick, kick, kick, punch, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, punch the balls, punch the balls, kick, kick balls, kick balls.

Uh, now order your signature drinks.

I'll have a daiquiri. Pina daiquiri. And I'll have a pinot nimarr. And cut. I like my sex like I like my martinis. Bond. Dry.

Shaken, not stirred. All right. These are also good. Let's just power through some, OK?

I like my sex like I like my bond. More. I like my sex like I like my bond. Denture.

I like my sex like I like my bond. Only done by men.

I'm just kidding.

For now. For now.

For the love of God. Women and people of color. OK, ready? Puzzle three. Pussy three, sorry. Major Tom's career.

Astronaut.

What Bon Jovi fancies himself in a certain song?

Huge fucking dick. What he fancies himself in a song?

Cowboy. I'm a cowboy.

Janeway, Sparrow, and Cook all have the same career. It is. Janeway, Sparrow, and Cook all have the same career. It is. Janeway.

Who the fuck is Janeway? I don't know. Janeway, Sparrow, and Cook.

All have the same career, it is.

Pirates, Jack Sparrow? Astronaut, cowboy. Oh, Wayne Brady, improvisers.

Is it pirate? No, more specific.

Janeway. More specific than pirate?

Yeah, like what kind of- Corsair?

No, it's like a- Is Janeway the female and- Privateer? Amway?

It's a pirate that's in charge.

Captain. Oh, captain. So, astronaut, these are all YMCA, you know, they got the astronaut. Nope. Astronaut Chaps.

The next and final clue is Ginger Grant, Prospero, the Swiss family Robinson. Each person in this group was a Castaway.

Tom Hanks films. Yes. Nice one. Yes. Tom Hanks films.

Fun, right?

He was in Castaway. He was a cowboy. He was in Captain. Oh, I did say I'm the captain now. That's the movie.

Ready?

Sex with me is like Tom Hanks big.

Nice. That really worked.

Sex with me is like Tom Hanks, Philadelphia. Wait, nope, stop. Sex with me is like Tom Hanks. I'm going to befriend your tits, buzzing buddies.

Sex with me is like Tom Hanks, America's treasure. Sex with me is like Tom Hanks. Common Hanks will be there.

Sex with me is like Tom Hanks. Sex with me is like Steppi Graff, stabbing pain. Sex with me is like Tom Hanks. I'm in a bust, my cast.

Away. All right, ready?

No, 10 more jokes.

Puzzy4, MTV's head blank ball.

Bangers.

A small matter, nothing to worry about.

Nothing. These are all types of potato.

Nothing similar.

A trifle. A small matter, nothing to worry about. A trifle. Triforce. Is it trifle?

Monster move in a song.

What's that? Dark colored amorphous D&D monster.

So what are all the words you have so far?

Tryful. Mash. What was the first one? Bangers. Bangers and mash. These are all English potatoes?

English breakfast. English foods.

British foods. What was the last one?

Black pudding.

Black pudding in that little boy's eyes.

What did you gentlemen want for breakfast?

Brexit.

I want Brexit for breakfast.

Yes, I'm British, and what would you like for breakfast?

I do want to see a scene. We're going to see, this is a British diner. JPC, you've just come in off this L5B road. Yikes. I assume that's a main through fare. Main huh. And Erin, you're going to be a waitress offering up the British specials. And JPC, you're going to be an American tourist.

OK. Well, yeah, what have you been having?

I'm so sorry. I would one for breakfast.

You want one for breakfast? All right, take a seat. We have some specials today.

Let me see my phrase book. I don't know.

We have some, we got Mary Poppins. It's a special. Mary Poppins is a bunch of eggs in a bag that comes in for a while.

Just want to let you know what, only six set of bubbles in this quake.

Oh, thank God you speak English. Oh, right. Yes. I'm the cook. Oh, thank you. You're the cook. My name is James Cook. Captain Cook, if you will. I'm the captain now. I'm having trouble understanding the waiter server. So if you could just translate for me. Right.

What is she saying?

Well, I would love to know what's for breakfast. She was telling me what's for breakfast. Have you seen Paddington?

Right, yeah, have you seen Paddington? Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Have you seen Paddington 2? You've seen Paddington 2.

You've seen Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2.

Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2. Paddington 2 What's the question?

We, that, it turns out Paddington's real. We found him, we killed him, and we cooked him in his stew.

What's the, what does she say?

I don't, I can't.

We eat Paddington here.

I can't understand a word. Paddington. Sure. We eat Paddington. Oh, you eat Paddington? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah, I'll have that. You know how you might eat Paddtie? We have Paddington tie. Oh, you're kind of the funny guy at work, huh? Oh, no, everybody hates me. Believe, bro.

One more? Two more?

One more, two more? Is that Attack the Block? Yeah.

One fish, two fish, red fish, two more.

The first time I saw Attack the Block, one, that's a fucking amazing movie that everyone should watch at least once. And two, that's where I got most of my English slang, or not even slang, but just like, believe bruv, crust. I love calling people bruv. Yeah. Also, is it Human Traffic? Human Traffic or Go? One of those has a bunch of great British slings in it.

God, I don't remember Go. Or Human Traffic. I don't think I've seen that. Both very good.

Erin, we are ready for another one. I gotta see movies, Erin. I gotta see movies. Riddy or not, here we go.

Ready? Rigid bracelets, usually clunky.

Bangles. These are all 80s girl bands.

Hold on. Shut up. Hold on. You would have won Only Connect, but hold on.

Banana Ramo.

We drink Kool-Aid out of these at picnics.

Blondie. Keep going.

Blondie.

Marvel Comics and TV show where a group of teens discover that their parents are super villains.

Wait, what? Runaways. That's a TV show? Runaways.

Kind treatment pampering for short. What's that? Kind treatment pampering for short.

Spidey. Shoddy. Spidey. Kind treatment body. Kind treatment Hey Riddle.

Don't run away. No, you could do the guitar part.

Well, he was no longer there. He was no longer a bear. Put ketchup on his tail to snoot.

Okay, okay.

Paddington had to die. I want to see a scene.

I want to see a scene. We are all ghostwriters for, I guess, girl rock bands of that era. So we are ghostwriting their songs for them.

Well, hold on. Those are wildly different errors. Dixie Chicks and the Bengals are not contemporaries.

Yeah, let's make sure these women don't get credit for their work.

It was a crossover.

Yeah, let's be a bunch of dudes writing all these roles.

Right, let's be pre-white men who are making good music. You're right.

The concept of ghostwriting and pop music does not exist. They all write their own songs. That's for sure. When you watch TV shows, all those actors, they're giving their own lives as well.

Watson Can You Hear the song? It's like, how long till my soul gets it right? And you are making the song out of the spot. I call on the resting soul of Galileo.

Is this a pop song? Is this a pop song?

Yeah.

You made that one.

I'm not making a joke. You know that I take everything so seriously. Oh, people who do Spotify.

Oh, what's the song? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. JPC might know this. What's the song where it's like? Sitting under a tree. Apple fall on my head. Just discover the T. I'm Newton's baby. Newton's baby. He's really holding me down. What's that song? You know what I'm talking about.

I know that song. What is a song like? I'm on an island and it's covered in finches. This island's covered in finches. All different finches. I love these finches. My island's covered in finches.

Yeah, what is that song?

What is that song?

What is that song? It's like I invented the light bulb. I made it up with my head. I discovered electricity.

Leave light bulbs in my head. Watson can you hear me? Come in Watson. Watson can you hear me?

Ahoy, ahoy, ahoy.

What, I think that song's called, uh, I'm sure Isaac Newton.

It's Galileo by the Indigo Girls. I've never heard that song, I've never... I want to listen to it, because I love what you did, but I've never heard of it.

Eric? Erin, can I have one more only connect style riddle? Okay, but then you have to go right to bed. I won't, but I'll close my eyes and I'll try really hard.

I know I'm just a neighbor's son who's staying over, but can I have a more connect riddle?

Okay, fine, but I'm right to bed. Can I also have a star crunch and a star crunch? Right to bed. I'm talking you both in.

Oh, all right to bed. Dear bed. I don't know that boy.

I don't know that boy.

Erin, Erin, Erin, he's cold to the touch.

All my favorite things.

Oh, I died years ago. I died in a sleepover accident.

A sleepover accident? Yeah. Truth or dare gone wrong. The truth broke your heart. Okay.

Truth kills.

One of James Dean's three films.

Ooh, okay. Giant is my first guess.

Like a bee. Is it Giant? Yeah, this is my favorite clue of the whole thing. Here's only three films. Like a bee, but evil.

Like a bee, but evil. What's... A bevel, a bull weevil. A weevil, evil. Hornet. Oh, um. Hornets are evil bees.

The female lead in On the Waterfront in North by Northwest.

The plane. Vivian Lee? No. Female lead. Oh, Marlene Brando.

No.

I don't know.

What's something that they'll have in common?

They're all mythical creatures. Giant. Giant. Giant.

Giant. Giant. Giant. Giant. Giant. Giant.

Green. Green Hornet. Green Goblin, and her name is Gables.

Eva.

Eva Green is James Bond. Eva Green? Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva.

Eva. Eva. Eva.

Eva. Eva.

Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva.

Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva.

Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva. Eva

Cooper Carr. Mini. Hanging.

The end of filming.

Action. Cut.

Wrap, wrap, wrap. A period of work.

Blood. 70s.

Sazerac? Sazerac.

New Orleans cocktail.

For example.

What? Cocktail.

Yeah.

Cocktail, era, mini. These are all Tom Cruise, worse to describe Tom Cruise, mini and cocktail. He's 5'7". So wait, it was mini, cocktail. What was the other one? Era and...

Mini, rap, shift, and cocktail.

Mini, rap, shift, and cocktail. Mini, rap.

Where my ladies at? Where my feminine people at?

It's a mini rap. Yo, my name is We Don't Have Time.

My name is Kid. We don't have time. Kid rap.

You are human people who dress traditionally masculine. So you might not know the word. Uh, skirt. Uh, clothes?

Dress. Yes. Mini dress.

Nice of dresses. Mini dress. Cocktail dress. Rap dress. Time cruise dress. Yep.

I was right. Time cruise. Mission and pasta dress. Bingo, bango, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,

I thought they didn't speak by their pronouns.

Let's be safe and just call them a dumb motherfucker. Whatever that dumb motherfucker said at the end, remind me, we should plug our, we're doing a Hey Riddle Riddle pop-up bar, speaking of cocktails, and we're going to serve a bingo bango hot toddy.

People are going to think that's real. What else are we serving? They believe us. CUM sandwich? CUM sandwiches.

Trust us. I know what you're thinking.

CUM is because women be hummus.

Honestly, I know you're thinking about the CUM sandwich, but please trust me. It's awful to come.

It's awful to come.

I cannot trust this enough. It's a dog's cup. It is.

If you want us to do a pop-up restaurant or bar.

That makes sense.

Please tweet at us, H-R-R, or no, Hey Riddle Riddle Restaurant. Hey Riddle Restaurant.

That's what it is.

The hashtag is Hey Riddle Restaurant, and then tell us what we should serve there. Like cum sandwiches.

Yeah, tweet at us, hashtag Hey Riddle Restaurant, and tell us what we should serve at a pop-up. And speaking of pop-up, I would just like to pop up into my plugs real quick. Oh yeah, boner. Nice. I'm talking, so I've got one. Pay attention to Daddy Adal. Daddy Adal, you're pregnant? Coming down the chimney tonight.

That's nice.

I would like to plug my own personal Twitter. It's at jpsofly. You can follow me. I tweet once every seven or eight days. And when I do, it's always about Trump, baby. We're going to give you emails. You can follow me on Instagram at sharkbarkman. You can follow my dog on Instagram at goodiegirl. Please also bless Erin. Subscribe to our Patreon. We have tons of fun stuff on there. We've got our D&D episodes. We might be doing more of those eventually. Who knows? We are. We are. We are. We are. We will. Why are you being so coy? We already said that. We haven't recorded it yet. We could all be dead. Oh, fuck. But go to our Patreon. It's patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. We have all of our live shows is on the Patreon as well. It's just a lot of fun time to give $5 a month, plebs.

Plebs, plebs.

Thank you. You fucking plebs. Erin, what are you plugging?

Follow me, Erin Keif 10, E-R-I-N-K-E-I-F 10 on Instagram. I have a new web series that is out that will be on there. I have pictures of my face that'll be on there. Adal.

Adal Rifai, what do you have?

Adal Revocal Fry. Adal Revocal Fry.

Adal Revocal Fry. I want to plug, you can follow me at Adalrifai on Twitter. Please send us emails. We talked about sending us emails. You can do that at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Even if you don't have Riddles. Even if. Even if you don't have Bespoke Riddles like these wonderful people today. Just send us an email to just say hi or how you're joining the show.

I do love this email.

It's so great. Give us a wellness Let's check. It makes reviews on iTunes.

It makes it easier for people to find our show and it means a lot and it's a tangible, great way to show your support.

And if we get 1,500 five-star reviews, my dad said he's going to start taking my calls again. So that's good news.

Erin, speaking of some of the things we have in the hopper, you said that you were going to dress like Dennis Hopper for Halloween, and part of your costume is a suit that has suede on it, and in the suede is a pattern, the pattern is... Jupiter, that was a long journey. Sex with me is like Jupiter, out of this world.

Ooh, sex with me is like Jupiter, it really ends an episode. An episode? !

Sex with Me is like the end of this episode by forever.

Aaron calls sex a session of having sex an episode.