Which Riddle Riddle?

Bark bark bark, JPC. Me hungry.

Adal, we've talked about this, my man. If you do that, I will feed you, but it will be dog food.

That's fine.

Okay, I mean, I think I know what's going on. You want the dog food because you know that I use Ollie dog food. Ruff ruff. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients for dogs. Now, I gotta say, Adal, you can eat it. I don't think you're gonna like it as a human. This is specifically for dogs.

It just looks and sounds so good. Also, with Ollie, you don't just get food through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture of your dog, not of your Adal, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, coat, all because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be.

I wonder what happens if I upload a picture of Adal. Let me just try it now. They said, oh, they said, this dog is very sick. Take this dog. Take this dog. It says to a people hospital. I switched to Ollie, I tried it out, my dog Spaghetti absolutely went nuts for Ollie. She is a dog, one of these types of dogs, I don't know if you've heard of, have you heard of these types of dogs? She's the type of dog who you can like put the food in her bowl and then she'll just like see it in there all day and only eat it when she's hungry. Now, when it's time for dinner, at about four o'clock every day, she comes up and starts snapping at me like, hey man, get the Ollie out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, dude, you gotta be getting faster at this. She absolutely loves it and it's the first food that I've ever given her that she actually seems to be interested in. So get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to Ollie.com slash Riddle, tell them all about your dog, and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-I-E dot com slash Riddle. And enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Can't confirm the promo code works because I used it. I used my own promo code for my own podcast. That's how much I like the product.

Oh, shoot. I just remembered I buried some bones in the backyard. And by bones, I mean Erin. Let me go dig her up.

Oh boy. Ollie, feed the obsession.

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

No shit, all Sherlock. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And we're doing another Hollywood Nights.

Hollywood Nights.

Hollywood Nights.

We've yet to record one of these at night. Better LA than never. Yeah, it's all Hollywood early morning slash mid-afternoons. We having fun?

Yeah, I'm doing great.

Erin, anything to say?

I'm so good. I've never been better.

Well, for our final Hollywood Nights episode, we are thrilled to be joined by- Unless we release these in a different order.

Okay. Bonk.

God damn it. We're thrilled to be joined by some of our favorite podcasters. You might know them from Big Grande, you might know them from The Teacher's Lounge, which is on new season start soon, or maybe out already on Stitcher Premium. You can also get the first five seasons on iTunes and- Nailed it. We have with us Dan, John, and Ryan. Thank you all so much for being here.

This is what John's voice sounds like. This is what Dan's voice sounds like.

And this is also Dan's voice. I'm Ryan. Thank you so much for being on. JPC, you're going to be Old Main Puzzles?

Yeah, so I will be reading some riddles and guiding us through the journey and adventure that is riddles on a podcast. But before we do that, we always like to ask our guests the same question, which is, what is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking, problems? Do you like them? Do you hate them? Just to recap for the three hosts, Adal is in favor of them, Erin absolutely hates them, and I'm completely indifferent to anything and everything.

You guys cover the whole spectrum.

That's smart.

That's really good. So this is torture for you every time, Erin. Yep. I said yes to this to be polite, and I'm still here. That would be on my gravestone.

I'm just being polite. I'm even in the cemetery just to be polite.

I wanted to be cremated.

I love riddles personally. Growing up, I really liked using my logic brain and not my creative brain. So I like them because it allows me to feel smart.

Hey Riddle

I don't like people beating me at riddles. And it does feel like once someone knows one, they're not going to give you the time to think about it. So it's kind of like, you don't get the joy of solving it unless you're the one that solves it first.

Yeah, there's a race to like not feeling dumb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that I like them because I am very stupid. I think I'm like in this capacity I'm dumb. I think I won't get a single one of these riddles right.

And John brought a teleprompter which is very amusing.

He pre-wrote this thing about himself. And I even wrote in all of these ums and this part. Now it's your turn.

Have you guys ever done an escape the room either as individuals with friends or together?

Yes, I've done them, and I don't like them. I would love to do one alone, but I don't like doing them with other people, because it gets really stressful. Was there a theme to it? Yeah, I did one that was like getting out of an old Hollywood theater, and so you have to like talk to the actress who was killed here, who's a ghost, you know, all this stuff. It was fun, but we all got really frustrated, the group got frustrated. But I think we beat it, though.

That's good. I think they still do it, but it's kind of like, Did you mean Carrie Barrett? I don't know. But she put it on and it was this whole like really well planned out thing and everybody would do it as their improv and sketch team where you would drive around LA, solve riddles, and you know, the first team to win, it's just cool, it's really fun, and then they throw a big party afterwards.

It's like a giant scavenger hunt.

Yeah, exactly. But it would always, for our improv team, Winslow, Hey Riddle Riddle

We used to make fun of John for stopping at yellows and then he ran one once and I almost got killed

This car literally almost t-boned us and it was the scariest thing that's ever happened.

Who was right all along? Where'd you grow up?

I grew up in North Carolina. Which is, I don't think that's very fair. It's a polite society. It's pretty polite, but there's just no stoplights. In my hometown I had one stoplight and it was always red. Welcome back. Hey Riddle Riddle

Hey Riddle Riddle

That's one of my favorite fan arts we've had which is drawing a horse where it's half man half horse and it's just down the middle. So it's like the right half is a man with one leg and the other the left half is a horse.

It's like Two-Face. Thank you. Wrong type of centaur. Okay, so today I'll be playing Old Man Puzzles. Old Man Puzzles' responsibility is to curate some puzzles. These are all listener-submitted riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems that you will all have to solve. We're gonna start off with a little bit of an easy one.

Can I ask what lateral thinking means?

Oh, Adal would love to explain this. Yeah, so lateral thinking is- We've been doing this podcast for like 50 episodes, no one knows what the fuck it means except Adal.

So lateral thinking means that you just have to think outside basic thoughts in terms of like- What'd you say? The button? The bun. Think outside the bun, Taco Bell. Yeah, fourth meal, bitch. Hey, fourth meal, bitch. We are sponsored by Taco Bueno, so please use their menu. Thank you so much. So it's almost like using a lot of like homonyms or a classic one to me is there's a cabin in the woods, there's several people dead inside, there's no footprints leading up to the cabin, how did all the people inside die? And it's the cabin of an airplane. So thinking outside what a cabin can constitute or it's What what word if you add two letters makes it shorter It's the word short if you add er, so it's it's that it's that kind of thinking where it's like fucked yeah, it's like First is treating it as like a trivia question treating it as something that you have to kind of think think through and outside the outside the button

So in trivia, your knowledge can help you, but here, nothing can help you.

Well, the question is the answer, right? So you just gotta find where in the question the answer is. That's the smartest thing that's been said on this podcast.

And I was just about to say thinking inside the bun would be anal sex. Now I feel dumb. Now that's the smartest thing.

This is a riddle submitted by Tom. Tom says, hey guys, I love the podcast. Sorry Erin, a riddle I have for you guys. What two things can you never eat for breakfast? We've got two people that have it. We have the two smarties and now you get to just sit and be smug. What two things can you never eat for breakfast? And I say this is like classic lateral thinking this yeah, this I think is what do you say Aaron?

Plates.

Oh Now I have to ask John did Aaron saying plates help you or did what Adal said help you? And Dan, how are you doing knowing that three people have this?

What's your internal monologue right now, Dan? I was thinking about different silverwares, and then I was thinking about I want to eat a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Oh wow.

And that would be something that you couldn't have for breakfast. So I will say, I will say as a hint, do not think about individual food items. That will not help you.

Because something like Bagel Bites, you can have pizza in the morning.

And pizza at supper. If you're sad, yeah. When pizza's on a bagel, you're poor. What two things can you never eat for breakfast?

Now I know I can trade sheep to the bank three for one because of my port, but I'll give you three sheep for an oar. Does that sound good?

Um, the way you're saying it... Let me put it this way, that would be very helpful to you.

That would be very helpful to you. Okay, I'll take the three sheep. Okay, that's a fool's errand. Because you didn't need sheep. Because we're out of cards. Okay, well as long as I don't roll a seven, I'm fine. As long as I don't roll a seven, I'm fine. And it's a seven.

Okay. Okay.

Can I be honest with you? I brought over Dixit. Did you want to play Dixit?

Um, I'm not familiar with Dixit.

It's really fun. It's got a lot of art.

It's art-based. Yeah, I guess I could give it a try.

It's D-I-X-I-T. I know it sounds like I said Dixit, but it is a real game.

I felt like I was about to... I felt like it was one of those like... Did someone just tell my dog Richard to sit?

I am my dog's owner and I will tell it when to sit and when to stand and when to roll over.

Don't apologize to me, apologize to Richard.

No, Louis. Yes, my dog. Richard? Richard? Richard? Yes?

This man has something to say to you. I'm sorry, Richard. I was kind of getting into it with my friend and I was trying to introduce a new game. I guess I'm sorry. I... I sit-cucked your owner and told you to sit instead of him.

I only respond to one man. Please don't ask me to sit again.

Okay, I apologize. Thank you. Okay.

May my dog play whatever game you're playing?

Um, well, is that okay? Would your dog like to play a game of each one? What is that? Each one? Can you explain the rules to my dog? Can you say it in a way that makes me want to explain it? Would you please explain the rules of? Of what? Of each one? Of each one? Each one of these nuts.

Good day, sir. So that's our brand of humor.

I thought that's what, is Dixit a game? Dixit, it's a really fun game. It's the game I always want to play. You get all these cards and they all have little like different like paintings on them, basically.

It's beautiful.

They're like dreamscapes.

Yeah, yeah. It's all wild, wild imaginings.

Abstract paintings. Hey Riddle Riddle It's almost like Balderdash, but with just like a, yeah, fantastic arc.

It's so easy for stupid people to play. It's so good. That's what the game should be, right?

It should be super difficult.

Oh, I think so.

And John, you can put down those crayons and paper and join the podcast. No, I'm good over here. John's working on his teleprompter.

Would anyone who knows the answer to this riddle like to say the answer to this riddle? Oh yeah, I'd like to hear you all say it at the same time. Lunch and dinner. I just figured it out. The only two things that you can't have for breakfast are lunch and dinner, of course.

That's interesting. I had beans and cauliflower.

Oh, I know it. It's beans and cauliflower. Those are dinner dishes only.

That is correct. It is beans and cauliflower. Okay, cool. So this next riddle Ooh, let me see who submitted this one.

What about dinner for breakfast?

That's what I was gonna say. That's tricky. Technically we do call that Brenner. What about Brexit? Brexit? What about Dixit? No. Yeah, okay, that Riddle's wrong, so you're a fucking idiot for submitting that. I'm sorry. I'm a waste of your time. Eat shit, Tom.

And Tom, that's the teacher's lounge.

Pay money to listen to our episodes. Teacher premium. Okay, this one is from Grace. A mom has eight kids. Their names are January, February, March, April, May, June, July. What was the eighth kid's name?

Is Grace under fire?

Grace, you're fired. Yes, Adal, very good joke, and I want to give you direct eye contact and praise.

Can you read it one more time at the beginning?

Yes, I can read it all the way from the beginning. A mom has eight kids. Their names are January, February, March, April, May, June, and July. What was the eighth kid's name?

Wait, I thought you said Grace up top.

Grace is the person who submitted the riddle.

Oh, gotcha, okay. A mom? And Grace is not the correct answer. Is that your guess?

I would hate to be named February.

What about February Jones?

She was on Mad Men. Famously from North Dakota. A mom has eight kids. Yes. January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. I will say it's not important, but it's a mom. Okay. What is the eighth kid's name? Yes, what is the eighth kid's name?

It doesn't have a name yet because she's still pregnant.

What do you think life begins with?

I mean, I'm just gonna, did we get to, so it's, I'm gonna say August.

My first thought is August. I think yes, August is a great first guess. August is not correct.

I'm gonna say December. It was the first kid.

Oh yeah, that's smart. That actually is very smart.

What was the 8th kid's name? A mom has 8 kids. Their names are January, February, March, April, May, June, and July. What was the 8th kid's name?

And August.

And Peggy. I will say that a month is not part of their name. And from everything that I've read, I've already given you the answer.

Oh, is it Mom Junior?

It's Mom Junior. Fuck. Yes, it's Mom Junior. That's a good name. That is a good name for like a dog or daughter.

Why is it Mom Jr.? Is there logic to that?

To me, honestly, the logic is that there might be one named after the parent, because I don't know what other context clues there are. If it had said, like, you know, Phyllis's mom has eight kids all the months, then I'd be like, it's Phyllis.

It could be a dad. That's not important. This is a wording one. That is correct, Erin. It is a wording one.

And I hate these.

Is it written funny? It's not written funny, but I think reading it, you would understand it immediately.

Oh, we don't have the answer yet.

Oh, is something spelled different?

Is it a feral child?

Nothing is spelled different, and it is not a feral child, but Adal, that is an excellent guess. Actually can't say for sure if it's not a feral child. Wait. Okay. I know. Great.

I think.

Okay, cool.

Can we hear John's answer?

So only the Johns in the room have the answer to this. Yeah, I think I know. Would you like to just fucking stun everybody with it?

Part of the riddle now for me is I've learned from that clue that your first name is John.

Now I've got to learn what the P and the C stand for. You have to do a P and a C and you have the whole podcast to do it. That's going to be a fun one. Wait, P is podcast?

Oh, John podcast.

It's John podcast comedy. I'm scared of that I think I know. I'm scared that I think I know it. Because I don't want to say it out loud because I'm terrified. It's okay to be wrong.

Should we just say we all know it and then make Erin say it again?

There's a chance that someone has already said this and I didn't hear them say it because I was lost and thought about this riddle.

What you're experiencing right now is what Magneto felt when he realized his powers. You have these terrible powers and you can't unleash them on the world.

John, right now you're treating this answer like it's a yellow light. We need you to go.

I think that the kid's name is July.

Outright we would have not laughed it was a huge build-up is what made it But I have said it is not a month the name of the kid you said that well, and I may have thought about it

I do want to see a scene with this John and with Erin. You two are new parents. You already have seven kids that you've named in some sort of, it's like some sort of list or some sort of obvious order. But this eighth kid, you want to mix it up a little bit.

All right, so we have Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius.

Yeah, and again, I'd love to break out of the whole astrology thing. Oh, come. You know I don't buy this stuff, hun. I feel like we're sort of like setting our kids up to A, be made fun of. B, they're going to read what their horoscope is, and it's going to be different from what their name is. It's going to cause so much confusion.

Who's going to make fun of a little boy named Gemini?

Everyone no, I would I would make fun of a kid named Gemini when I was I just got home from school and all the kids are saying I'm gonna die because I'm cancer Cancer listen bud

To be fair, cancer does run in the family. So there's a chance that any of us could die from cancer, but you're not gonna die from cancer because your name is Cancer, okay? When these kids come at you and they say, you know what? Blame it on your mother.

What? Oh my goodness.

She wanted to name you. She wanted to name you this.

Yeah, and mom and dad will probably die from cancer. That's something that you'll have to deal with.

I've already had one scare.

Yeah, and your name will haunt you and remind you of our death, sure. But also it's sort of fun.

It could also maybe be a positive thing.

You know what, honey? You can name the new baby.

That's a great idea. You have the worst name. That's how I got my name. My brother named me. Three days before I was born, he changed the name that my parents were gonna give me. What were they gonna name you? They were gonna name me David, but three days before I was born, my brother said, I want my brother's name to be Jonathan.

Can we name him Sticker? Yes! Yes! That's so fun! Who's gonna make fun of a kid named Sticker?

Let's just listen. Let's give him two seconds to think of on a real name.

Good point. What about Decal? Sticker it is.

Can we get a tasty little hint?

So I will read it one more time. The answer, I'm going to read you the answer. A mom has eight kids. Their names are January, February, March, April, May, June, and July. What was the eighth kid's name? That was the hint? Yeah, I just gave you the answer. What I had a fucking uber driver give me one of those riddles so I was trapped in the car for 15 minutes

Dan just leaned back really hard and threw his arm over the couch.

He's really leaning into this. And he kept repeating it and emphasizing it and I was like, can you tell me? It's more miserable than making conversation for you to repeat a riddle at me for 15 minutes when I'm trapped in your car.

It really has to be a thing that both people want.

Absolutely.

You can't go like, I know something and I'll never tell you.

It's not fun. The same as close-up magic. It's like, I just didn't ask for this. I just said that.

You just stole my watch. This isn't fun.

It's pressing digitation. It's amazing. I want to see a scene. Ryan, you're going to be an Uber driver who's kind of fun. And Dan and JPC, you are passengers getting in.

Hey, what's up guys? How we doing?

I told you you should cancel when you got a guy who was one star. What's black and white and red all over?

Just by your look I can tell this is going to be a racial answer. And I may be uncomfortable with that.

Can you at least put the car in drive and go towards Destination while we're doing this?

I'll creep forward. Black and white and red all over.

Well, I think a lot of times it's a newspaper. But you have given us the hint that it is racially charged. That's right!

So that's one bad guess, I'm gonna go ahead and throw it into reverse here.

We are dangerously close to the precipice. Please, please, we beg you. We just came back from scattering our father's ashes on this cliff.

Thanks for coming all the way out here, by the way. No problem, yeah.

You were in the area though, correct? I was, yeah. I was in the area. So what's black and white and red all over to stay on land?

It does just feel like even the act of trying to guess, I might say something that's racist and wrong, and I don't want to take that.

Well, you're going to have to say something that's racist and correct if you want to go forward.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say none in a blender, which is not racist, but does make me uncomfortable.

Yeah, that was it. None in a blender. So here we go into drive and we're rolling forward.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, if you want to get to your destination, you'll have to answer one more riddle.

I feel like the rules keep changing. That's right. Soon. Ryan, do you give us permission to make our new t-shirt design racist and correct? Absolutely. As long as I am not on it, or no, no, no, no.

And your face. Oh, that last one was a toughie. It was really frustrating, that what answer. It made me feel pretty stupid.

My confidence is shot.

These make us all feel stupid. That's kind of the point, and that's why we're all getting off big time.

When you get them in the email or whatever, do you try to solve it before you read the answer? The email or the letter or the phone call?

Just because I'm holding a big whiteboard in my hand. Uh, yeah, I get these from a phone call from my dad once every year. Oh wow, and he just gives you a list of them all. He gives me 10 riddles.

Okay, here's the one from Grace.

Happy birthday.

No, I don't want to hear about your life.

I want to give you riddles from a man named Tom.

Dan, what was the question? Do you try to solve it before you read the answer?

It depends. Usually, no. I kind of want to play along with these as well. We normally don't have three guests on the podcast, so if it's just the three of us, we like to play along. But I did look at most of these ahead of time. The other thing is, since we're having guests and this is a special episode, we wanted to make sure that these weren't absolute dog shit. So I did kind of preen and prep. What does preen mean?

I like that word. What preen? Preening your penis.

Prematurely.

I thought it was like a lady-in-waiting word.

Is it not a bird word? Preening is when, yeah, I think it's when like birds pick bugs out of each other.

It's like when you like coif your hair or like you're kind of making sure everything's in place.

The other word I was looking for was primp.

It makes me think of prune, like pruning a tree. Yeah, yes.

And also primp died a couple years ago, right? His family's still fighting over that music.

Okay, cool, so we're gonna do one more riddle before we take a quick break. This is a riddle from Paul. Paul says a bunch of words at the top of this. They also said that they're submitting a few riddles that they read in a book about 16 years ago, which seems like a weird brag. And I think I remember all the details from memory, so bear with me.

I'm kind of a baby genius.

We're gonna do one and then we're gonna take a little break because we gotta get sponsored baby. Two boys are playing near some woods. One says to the other, you know, I can run halfway into these woods and back again in ten minutes. The other says, that's nothing. I can run two-thirds of the way into the woods and back again in nine minutes. The first boy says, that's impossible. Why? on the show. Let's have Dan, John, and Erin, your three little kids in the woods, and you're just making dumb ass bets.

I could eat this whole tree.

You think so?

I could eat this whole tree. I don't think so. Oh yeah? I bet you I could eat the dirt that's around it too. Okay, mine was way harder.

Mine was harder. Why's yours harder?

A whole tree and you can eat some dirt? And the tree. Oh, oh wow. Okay, that's harder.

The tree's not gonna be hard to eat. It's filled with maple syrup. That's a good tree to eat.

That's even harder. Yeah, because it gets stuffed up, gummed up in your throat. It's gonna get gummed up in my throat.

You boys are idiots. Watch this.

Pardon me, sirs. I don't mean to intrude, but it seems like you have a bad attitude. I am the Lorax.

I speak for the trees, and I would ask- I bet you I can eat this Lorax. Do it! Oh, please. I can eat him in one bite.

I can eat the Lorax in half a bite. What? Like, yeah, like a...

Do it! I beg of you sirs, I am but a lorax. I would not taste good stuffed in your thorax.

I could snort this lorax.

Oh my god, ground up or whole? Whole!

Do it!

Oh, she did it! Erin, you're geeked out on Lorax now.

I'm turning different colors.

My dad does Lorax sometimes.

Is that why he's never around?

I think, yeah, absolutely.

100% of the reason. Yes, dad's doing Lorax. Does anyone have an answer to this riddle? Yes. I mean, I don't know. Ryan is so fucking good at this. Yeah, he's smart as hell. Did you actually have one? Yeah. Oh, you did.

Go for it. Do you want me to say it? Yeah, sure. Because you can't run, once you're halfway through, you can't run two-thirds through, right? Once you're two-thirds through, you're going out the other side.

Exactly. When you're halfway in, you're going halfway out. Yeah, halfway in, halfway out. Wow, you're smarter than this. Wait, what? And it says here, little kid. So, congratulations.

John's kicking dirt in the corner.

Because, like, once you get to the middle of the forest and you keep going, you're not, You're not going further in, you're going out the other side, right? So once you get halfway in, you're right in the middle. If you were to go two-thirds, right, you wouldn't be... There's no such thing as two-thirds in.

It says two-thirds in is one-third in. Right.

That's why they say just the tip doesn't work.

John, you look like you're concentrating so hard that you're about to fall asleep.

I just, it still makes zero sense to me. And I think that we just need to let it be that way. Cause I don't, I'll never understand. Cause there's still two, I can eat two thirds of a pie. This is different. We're going to have to see John prove that.

We are going to take.

Yeah, but say you're on the outside of the, say you're at the crust and you go two thirds towards the middle.

It doesn't make any sense.

Whoa, who's that new hunk?

He's dressed so well.

Well, look at him. He is dressed so well.

You guys, you're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I thought that was like Vince Quince or something. Yeah, that's us. We look amazing. I thought that was like Quince Diesel or something.

We look like that?

Yes, it's because you are wearing your new Quince high quality wardrobe staples. Look at you, Adaline, your 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater. And JPC, you look incredible in this button-down, if I do say so myself.

Wow, our styles are truly timeless, versatile, and designed to become dependable pieces that we will reach for day after day.

Also, everything at Quince is priced 50-80% less than similar brands, and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. And Erin, you're doing the splits!

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Did someone say Vince Quince?

Whoa! Yeah, like five minutes ago.

Yeah, like a long time ago.

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Yeah?

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Isn't he mattress? I did. Sympathy Steve. And while I can't give you a Helix mattress because, you know, that'd be insane if I was just a guy who gave out Helix mattresses, I can say, it sucks what you're going through.

Yeah, it does suck. Helix is the best. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. You get a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. So what's the risk? And they also have the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges.

Whoa, Sympathy Steve, you have a tattoo on your leg. It says, Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired.

And I won't tell you what that's covering up. It was worse. But what I will tell you to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day best of web sale that's running now until September 13th It's 27% off site-wide and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's HelixSleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day Best of web sale. HelixSleep.com slash riddle. I can't empathize with you, but I can sympathize with you. Did someone say empathy? It's me, Empathy Ed. Hey man.

They're brothers.

No, we're not. Hey Steve. We're simply not.

Oh.

We're exes.

We don't have time for the lore of this, unfortunately.

Welcome back to Hollywood Nights. Hollywood Nights.

Hollywood Nights. I finally did a funny voice.

You did a funny voice. That is very funny. We like that.

And John learned the riddle. We had to do some Beautiful Mind stuff. And I'm stuffed. He ate the whole pie.

We had to teach math to kids with gummy bears. We had to give you a whole pizza.

And then I ran halfway into the pizza.

My little math genius is fat.

We don't want to be dicks or anything.

That was the pizza we were going to eat on the plane.

Why's your kid so fat? Learning. True, actually.

Also, don't ask me that. Hey, why's your kid so fat? Fuck off.

I don't know why you can't conceive.

This is a new segment, it's Riddles for Moms.

Mom clapbacks. Okay, so this is still, we're still working on Paul's Riddles, this is the second. Paul's getting in work today. A man jumps off a bridge onto a boat. He yells out for joy until someone walks up to him and says something. Then he starts crying. What happened?

The man is David O. Russell, and the person came up and said, Joy was not a great man. And that person was America.

America for her. John, can you give us a hint?

Well, I don't know if this is true, but in my brain, Joy is a person.

Also, he asked for a hint, and based on what you thought the answer was, you gave us the answer.

No, the answer is what happened.

Dan, I was gonna let it slide, but thank you.

The answer is what happened. I gotta stick up for John. The answer is what happened. So, Joy being someone's name is not what happened.

It's a detail.

Is it a boat in like the nautical sense?

Um, yes. What are the... No, it's a gravy boat. It's a nautical boat.

Was this like a public proposal and someone said no?

Erin, you keep bringing it up, okay? You asked us all to stop talking about it, but you keep bringing it up.

Honestly, Dan's throwaway line of a full house, a full boat, is like if you jump off a bridge, like it could be switching up card games.

Joy Luck Club, yeah. No, it is not a proposal, and it is not a card game.

Jumped off a bridge onto a boat, was yelling, screaming for joy, jumping for joy?

Yelling out for joy.

Yelling out for joy.

I still think joy is a person.

Is it a seasonal thing?

Um, is this riddle a seasonal thing? I would say no.

You know what's crazy is I know I've heard this one before.

Oh really?

I still can't think of the answer.

I thought so too and I thought it was the Joy Was a Person thing.

I've definitely come across riddles on this show that I've definitely heard before and still don't know the answer to it and that is very frustrating.

Was the man trying to self-harm?

No, he was absolutely not trying to self-harm. A man jumps off a bridge onto a boat. He yells out for joy until someone walks up to him and says something. Then he starts crying. What happened? I will say, as a hint, the part about someone walking up to him and saying something? Maybe not necessary. He would have figured it out without a person.

Um, yes. Yeah, like he thought he was, he... That is correct, to a certain extent. Got on a boat, I don't know, to somewhere, and he is going the opposite direction.

Yes, you're very, very close, Erin. But that's the what happened behind it. I think you're there.

Is it the Hudson Bay and the Man of Spalding Gray?

Oh, Adal, thank you so much. You took Erin's seed and you turned it into a full blown bucket of shitty ideas. What are other famous boats? Titanic? Yeah, it's Titanic. No, it's not about specifically the boat. It's like, what is the situation?

He missed his boat. So we would... If you missed... Okay, I have to see a scene.

Erin, we will see a scene where you are on a bridge looking down at a boat that is leaving a harbor. Let's see. John, we'll make you a passerby. Actually, anyone who wants to be a passerby can be. You are standing on top of the bridge about to jump off this bridge to jump onto a boat that you missed.

Hey, don't do that. What? Please don't jump.

I think I'm totally gonna make it.

You're aiming for that boat?

Yeah, I'm just gonna wind up. I'm gonna run backwards and then run forwards real fast.

I'm sorry, I can tell by your... You can't make it. You don't think I have the stamina? It's not a stamina issue, I think it's like a leg strength issue. And also, we're 45 feet up. If you hit the deck on that boat, you will die, ma'am.

You guys aren't talking about jumping off this bridge onto that boat, are you?

Well she was and I'm trying to convince her not to.

To me, it appears to be a stamina issue.

I don't think we should roast this lady. All aboard! She's gonna do a suicide. The boat hasn't left yet. All aboard! I don't know. I think that captain just keeps saying that.

Just go down to the boat launch area. No, no, no, please.

Listen. Stop! No, please! Someone film it. It's gonna be amazing.

Please, please jump. I'm all aboard down here.

One, and two, and five, six, seven, eight. Oh, look at that lady.

I'm gonna turn on some Van Halen.

I'm in the air! I'm doing it! I'm still in the air!

Oh, your shirt caught on a pole! I'm okay! I was way wrong about the stamina thing. I think she would have made it.

Did we get any hints?

Can we get a hint? So Erin essentially has it, just the specific situation.

Which part did she have?

That this person is jumping off a bridge onto a boat because they have missed their boat.

Is that the whole situation?

No. It's very close. It's very, very close, I would say.

Something about a love boat.

So a man jumps into a boat. Something, something love boat. Yells for joy when they get on the boat. Someone comes up to him and says something. Then they start crying. What happened?

Oh, Captain Ron.

Yeah, it's Captain Ron.

Thank you. Captain Ron died. Whisper Captain Ron died.

I can give you the answer if you'd like. So the man was trying to get onto a boat leaving the harbor to escape. Instead he landed on a boat that was going into the harbor. So the person who came up to him was telling him... Another out and in.

Well this one's tough. As a riddle?

Yes.

Why is he crying?

It's not the worst news exactly in my mind this man is trying to like escape something like his own wedding or a jail But now he's going right back into I think a riddle where I have based on the backstory you paint for it is not a riddle My answer to that riddle, I think would have been better, but yeah the woman's name is joy.

Oh Now And he's like, are you here too? She's in the water, she's dead.

This is my new favorite movie.

That's beautiful. And I should tell you, John, we do have a way for our listeners to immediately score things on the podcast to tell them if they were better and test out of the water. People really love that one.

Wait, testing out of the water or into the boat?

I'm sorry, I read that wrong. People do not like it. It was testing out of the water.

Oh no, John's weeping.

John just got used and he's weeping. John, it's okay. You became the riddle. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let him finish the pie. You'll feel better, buddy. Okay, so here's another one. Two fathers and two sons walk into a pub. They all order a pint of beer costing $2.50. They hand over a $10 bill and get $2.50 in change. What did the bartender do? Why did the bartender do this?

How much did they hand over?

Uh, they handed a $10 bill, but got $2.50 and change. I know it. Each drink cost $2.50. I know it, I've heard this one before. Yes, yeah, okay, very nice. I think.

The way you celebrated was like you figured it out, but you were just celebrating having heard it before, John? I know this one. I fucking know it.

I've heard it before. I think I know it. John Wilcox walks into a movie theater and is like, yes, I've seen John Wick 1 and 2. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna know this.

Yeah. Two fathers and two sons, they all walk into a bar. A pub. A pub. Okay. Huge. Huge detail.

They're in England.

It's pounds.

They all order a pint of beer and pay in American currency.

They order a pint, it's $2.50 a pint, they give a $10, they get $2.50 back. Why did the bartender do this?

So in my mind, it sounds like they paid for three drinks.

Yes, correct. It's because they're all priests. Discount. Catholic discount. Catholic discount.

Does that exist?

I know it!

Who knows it? Everybody knows it? I don't know it.

I think you'll be able to get this, Dan.

Dan, Adal, I want to see you two do a scene. You're going to be doing a scene. Ryan, let's make you a barkeep. You two are priests. You walk into a bar and you're trying to get the barkeep to give you the Catholic discount.

Hey, what's up? Oh, what's up fellas? What can I get you? I've never seen this before.

Thank you, it's so nice to meet you. I am Othello, just a common folk. This is my brother in Christ. How are you doing, my child?

I'm doing well, what can I help you with?

He's from our Cork precinct. Precinct is what us priests use. Do you need to see our guns or our badges?

You guys don't have to be so weird, what can I do for you?

Okay, well, first we do want to check, are there any rabbis here? Anybody else you're expecting to walk through the door?

No, no other religious figures in here right now, just you guys.

No rabbis? So we can let loose? Alright, well then we can put our guns away.

You bring the guns to protect you from the rabbis?

Oh yes. We're kind of like cuffs, but it's also kind of like lichens and... Vampires? Vampires, yes. But anyway, we're looking for a couple of waters.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Two priests without their guns.

Oh, you lied to us, barkeep. You lied to us. Stick it to the sky, father.

Rabbi Rabinowitz, take it easy.

No way. These rat bastards have been after us for years. But today, today I got the upper hand.

Wait, wait, wait. Let me just get you guys a couple of drinks, full price, and we'll just talk about this.

No, no, even better, even better. Give me a water. Give me a water.

Okay, sure. Here's the water.

Boom, it's wine. Free wine.

Oh, free wine.

A rabbi's only weakness.

Free wine. You don't have to pay for it, rabbi. What a deal. Rabbi, I just want to warn you, this is- The rabbi's sweating bullets.

Quick, grab those bullets. Grab those bullets.

Free bullets. Guys, guys, I do not want another holy war in here, okay? Can we just have a drink and discuss this?

Okay, okay. Where's your Elysian slide? Yes, you have to pick a side.

I don't know enough about the situation.

No, it sounds racist and correct. Let's hear it.

I don't know who's gonna be mad at us.

Someone's gonna be mad at us. Well, I plead ignorance.

I do like a rabbi versus priest rivalry.

I immediately saw that in my head. Like I saw the like high stakes like film Thanks for watching.

You've also stumbled upon the secret to this podcast, which is that we do premise improv and we never get to the point. And also that we're always angry. We never try to get the discount. I really appreciate you guys trying to lead us back to what that premise was. We quickly abandoned that. Alright, so does anyone think that they have the answer? Two fathers, two sons. I think three of us do.

I haven't gotten a single one yet. This sucks.

But I think it's because other people get them and you feel frustrated. I think if you weren't frustrated, you'd get them.

I've been thinking about this one for a while.

Should we build your confidence back up?

No, no, I don't need it. I can give you a hint. You landed upon this. The hint is the whole fucking answer to this riddle. But yes, there are only three pints that they've ordered. They all order a pint, but they only get three.

Thanks for watching.

It's one of those trickies. That was one of those trickies.

One of those trickies. All these are those trickies.

You guys do those trickies. Is that what you guys all knew that's what it was? Yeah. I just feel like there's a lot of one person answering and then everybody who said they knew one being like, yep.

I think the next one, I think it should be same time everybody says what the answer is.

Or, and then after that we do one where we can't move on until Dan gets it.

This is a little bit of a longer story problem. A night watchman at a gas station had a weird 24 hours. So we can do the dream in the middle of our herald. A night watchman at a gas station had a weird 24 hours. He had a dream that one of the pumps where he worked had a leak, and the next person who pulled it in would cause a spark which blew up the station. When his boss arrived, he told her about the dream. They walked over to the pump, and sure enough there was a leak at the exact pump. The boss shut the pump down, thanked the man for bringing it to her attention, and then fired him on the spot. Why? So that's the story problem, let me try to give you the gist. Night watchman, gas station, had a weird 24 hours.

Had a dream that one of the pumps where he worked had a leak and the next person who pulled in would cause it to blow up.

When his boss arrives, told her about the dream, they walked over to the pump, checked it, there was a leak, boss shut the pump down, thanked the man, and then fired him.

I think I know it, but to eliminate one possible answer that I'm also waffling on. Okay. I'll allow it. The boss did not find evidence at the leak that it was caused by the employee, right? Correct, yeah.

The leak was not caused by the employee for all intents and purposes. And I think I know it.

Oh, I think I know it, but I'm not going to say it.

I feel like if Dan thinks he knows it, he should say it.

Well, did he sleep through his whole shift?

Fucking A, he slept through his whole shift. Very good. Yes. The night watchman, night watchman, he needs to be awake, had been sleeping on the job. Even though he had a prophetic dream and saved lives, countless lives, he was still fired and that's fucking capitalism. Yeah, they were probably robbed that whole time.

Can we all go around? We'll just start with me going towards Erin, ending with Ryan, and let's just all give Dan a compliment.

Oh, you know this is my least favorite thing. Let's go for it. When groups of people that know each other really well are supposed to do it, and it gets to the point where people are like, um... You know, you just always, you're always smiling. You're always smiling. And it's like, oh, that hurts so much.

What do I love about you? You're a good bud. You're a good bud. I spend so much of my life with you. Have a great summer.

I'll just say that.

You're so selfless.

Keep being cool.

Have a great summer. When I do this at the end of improv classes or something, I always tell people to give someone a compliment based on something that they did not do in class. So like, make up something. And that's what you give the compliment on. Cause I fucking think the compliment circle thing is so weird. Everyone's always like, you know, especially in like a class where you'll be like week eight and someone will be like, and what's your name? And it's like, fuck, that's the reason? It's like, no.

And you can feel it when it's a person everyone likes and it's like people are like jumping on top of each other to compliment them and then it gets really quiet.

And then I get up there and people are like, um. Cool sweatshirt. The best name.

I want to see a scene with Ryan and Erin. You two are a couple. You are celebrating your six months of dating. And you are out for a nice dinner, a nice Michelin dinner. And what's a hot spot in LA? What's like a... I mean... Bestia. Bestia. So you're at Bestia and for six months you're going to give each other some compliments at dinner.

Great.

I can give you a minute.

I can give you a minute. Okay, thank you so much.

Sorry, we were just looking at each other's faces and got loose. It's been six months for us.

Six months today. There's no need to bring me into this.

Hey, I really love how you handled things with that waiter. Waiter? Just now? Yeah.

What else do you love about me?

Oh, God. So many. I mean, a lot, you know, because it's been six months of spending time together. Sure.

Like, what's one specific example?

I guess when we're out with service industry people, you're so kind to them. And I think that means a lot.

Maybe not an example like from tonight, but from like the whole thing.

Well, I did one. I did one. Maybe let's hear one from you, right? Because we both love each other.

I love when you hum when you do the dishes. Or is that my ex? No, no, no, that's you. That's you. You do that. Okay, good. What about me now?

Hmm, it's just so hard to pick the good thing because there's too many of them. I love the way your hair is. I love the way your hair is. Oh, here's one. You Google the best. What? You Google good. You always find the answer good fast.

Oh, you do know what Google means. I googled it.

Princess. I'm sorry to bother you. Now my employee, my waiter here, came up to the table. He gave you a minute. He backed off to show some respect. We have one rule in this restaurant. We're a fine establishment. We do have Michelin stars. We have in a laminated placard here the one rule, which is do not bring up Princess Diana.

Wow.

Now you'll notice we've omitted all Elton John in the music playlists. Why? Because she was the people's princess.

What's his last name?

I do love coming in as a waiter and saying, I'll give you a minute, and then be like, don't bring me into this scene. Saying the first line of the scene. Like every improv scene in a restaurant, somebody walks in immediately as a waiter, and then when they're asked a question, they're like, I wasn't prepared to do a scene. This is a disposable character.

I just knew the audience couldn't imagine a restaurant without seeing a waiter immediately.

Well, I had to be on stage.

It's been three minutes.

If somebody went home without my French accent, like... Hi, this next one is from Erin, A-Erin. I've also heard that I say Erin wrong. It's like Erin and Aaron are different sounds.

It's also regional. Like, I'm from Boston and we say it like my name E-R-I-N, E-H-R-I-N, and then the other one is like air.

John, how does North Carolina pronounce that? I get a little bothered when people are offended that you say their name wrong.

It's like, well, just have some self-confidence. You know how it's said. It's okay. I said it wrong one time, does it really ruin your day that much?

My last name is pronounced Coan, but it's C-O-A-N. And we got the clue. We got a clue. But people pronounce C-O-A-N wrong all the time.

What do they do, cone?

Cone, cone. And it just couldn't possibly bother me. But people are like, oh, I'm sorry, did I get that wrong? And I'm like, I have also gotten Conan once before. Usable seat, sheets, and stuff to wear. What is it? I'm going to have to hear it again. This is obviously something that Erin wrote themselves, too. So if we want to use their real name, Erin, to call them a fucking idiot, we absolutely can't.

I mean, there's so much to do with bed and chair and sheets and bedding. Is it something you'd find in a house? Yes, you would find this in a house.

In most houses? In most houses. I would say in most houses. And it's not a pillow. Twixt.

I mean, Jesus.

Romance?

And that's not romance, I'll give you a hint. Couch romance. I just love the term couch romance.

Two couches falling in love, is that what you're picturing?

Or two people falling in love on a couch? What I was thinking was like people would be like Netflix and chill, but that's like too much of code for fucking, so it's like couch romance. You wanna make some couch romance? That's like married couples Netflix and chill. I had couch romance last night. Do you fuck your couch? Alright, I gotta see a scene. Dan, this is an all play. Dan, you are going to be hanging out with your boys, and you're going to be talking about your couch romance that you had last night.

Well guys, it happened. No way!

You guys have been trying to get it going for a little while here. You and Jamie, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Jamie and I had some couch romance.

Oh, walk us through it.

Walk us through it. Okay, well, we're sitting on the couch. We've had some wine.

How close are you?

How close are she and I? Opposite ends.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Sorry, yeah, Jamie's a person.

I just don't want to be a jerk.

Well, you're being a jerk.

It's just sometimes you make a big deal and you're having sex with a pillow and we all have to get excited about it.

No, no, no, it wasn't that.

So this is about Jamie, like a person?

Yes. So Jamie's like, hey, I think I'm ready to take this to the next level.

And she's not your sister?

You're being a real jerk.

Okay, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.

It's just, Alexander, can you not assume that I fucked my sister or a pillow this time?

Okay, I just feel like something's about to give and I'm just nervous.

No, no. So I'm like, yeah, let's do some little church romance. And she's like, oh, I've never heard it called that. And I'm like, oh, well, that's what it is. So, you know, I unzip. Thanks for watching. Upstairs. And so I start getting romantic with the couch. On the couch or with the couch? With the couch. So I'm off the couch, I'm face-to-face with its unzipped And Jamie's just sitting there? Well, Jamie is now standing and moving further back away.

But I get it though, you're trying to start the romance with the couch, maybe Jamie is the mom.

You're showing her you're good at it.

Yeah, prime the pomp, prime the pomp.

I'm saying like, this could be a menage pretty soon, you know?

Because you're definitely in a relationship with the couch. This could be us, but you play it.

Yes, exactly. And that's what I muffled, I said that to her, all muffled. But you said it into the couch cushion. Yeah, because now my head is fully in the couch.

So yeah, you're going down on the couch?

Fucking or cunnilingus?

What's that? Just mouth stuff right now. Just mouth and cushion stuff.

And one-sided mouth stuff. The couch has done nothing for you.

No, well yeah, and that's always the way it is. Seen!

Seen!

Seen!

No, no, no. Unseen.

Unseen. Keep going. Classic Chicago. Unseen. This could be you. Oh boy.

I'll do that. That's my big, not unseen, but my big improv move is after an edit still saying the line I wanted to say. That's a real inside improv right there. I'm still gonna finish this even though everyone decided it was over.

No offense, you missed the edit. I had a great line.

What people in Chicago do when they want to do that is whoever ran across the stage to edit, they just go, oh, I see your neighbors jogging. And then they finish the line and walk off.

And audiences go, we paid for this.

The lights coming down is not the end of the show. I'll tell you when the show is over.

I'll be off stage.

Screaming in the dark, don't leave! There's more? No one has had the answer to this riddle. It oscillates Twix bed and chair, and a bi-weekly clearing comes to bear. Usable seat, sheets, and stuff to wear. What is it? Dressing?

I was gonna say... Dressing? Dresser. Dresser? Pajamas. That is my clean laundry.

Yes, you are absolutely correct. The answer is a pile of laundry. You did it! This also tells us something about Erin and that they keep their laundry between their bed and their chair.

And me. It tells you a lot about me. Immediately when it said it oscillates between bed and chair, I was like, that's my laundry.

The word oscillate threw me to fan, because fans oscillate.

But for me, it's when I need to sit in my chair, I put my laundry on my bed, and when I need to be in my bed, I put my laundry on my chair.

And you're eating just anything for breakfast. What I never do is take responsibility for my life and clean up. Absolutely not.

Does anybody put their laundry away right away?

Never. I have never put my laundry away. I do want to see a scene. John, you are yourself at home. And we're gonna have JPC is your What do we say couch and chair or bed and chair? Bed and chair. So JPC is gonna be your chair Ryan's gonna be your couch and they're vying for your laundry It's gonna be a little a little push and pull and I guess this would be vacillating not oscillating Okay, Dr. Fucking Dictionary over here.

Alright guys, got four loads of laundry that I did over the course of four hours today. Definitely not going to put it away. You could just slap those loads right on me. Now, that is enticing.

I mean, are you sure you want to cover your whole bed? I mean, covering your whole bed, then you can't lay in it. What about just putting it upright in a chair?

Hey Riddle Riddle

Welcome to Riddle

Okay, how about this? What if I split my laundry between you guys while I go out for the day? No, I'm all or nothing. I want that load.

Give me one sock.

It can move betwixt, but not separated. It's never separate.

Put it on me, okay? It's clean laundry. You haven't washed these sheets in, I want to say, months. Never, in fact.

It's going to balance out the smell if you put the clean laundry on the dirty bed. You know what, this is too much pressure for me.

Why not just go back in the hamper? You go right back in the hamper, baby! There's already more dirty clothes in there. Yeah, mix them up, mix them up. I can't do that, Hamper. Oh, you crazy motherfucker.

Hey, it's me, the trash can outside. Come with me, baby.

You're in the kitchen. I can't put my laundry in here.

I'm the trash can from outside.

I'm in the kitchen.

What if you put them in me, your roommate's room? Wouldn't that be weird?

Hey Riddle Riddle I guess you'll go for more! Yeah, so my fucking house won't shut up. And I know it makes me sound crazy, but they talk to me constantly, and I just don't know what... I don't know. I know it's psychological. It has to be.

Yeah. Do you think it's possible that there's some other problems you're not dealing with?

Absolutely not.

It's not actually about the clothes?

I have zero... No, none of... I'm sick of this therapy shit trying to make me think that there's more going on than there is.

It's me, The Shades. Bring your clothes in here.

And as the scene continues, Dan, you're gonna start to slowly try and fuck this shit. I would have bet $100 that Ryan was gonna say, it's me, I'm on!

Thank you so much for being on the show. You all got a riddle, a piece. Would you like to plug anything? Our listeners would love to know what's going on in your neck of the rooms.

You can follow us on Twitter at BigGrandeUCB is a good place to start.

Or it's John Mackey or it's Rosenberg.

I don't Yeah, The Teacher's Lounge is our improvised podcast that is on Stitcher Premium, and you can get the first five seasons for free on Earwolf or iTunes. And you can see us at UCB if you live in Los Angeles. John and I perform Friday nights with a group called Winslow, and Ryan performs Saturdays at 1030 with a group called The Dragons.

I will say, listeners, you just heard them, obviously, so you know they're tremendously funny. I will say that the three of us have talked, JPC, Erin, and I, and we do feel like if you are in improv or you're wanting to get into improv, your guys' show, The Teacher's Lounge, is probably the best example of yes and I've ever heard, where every single gift is used, it's yes and constantly. If you're in Tucson, Arizona,

Go to EG's, double E G double E. It's the place you want to be. It's a fast food place with a very mayo heavy sandwiches, but they have these little iced slush drinks that are really good. You can get an EG there.

If you're in California, check out In-N-Out Burger or The Beach. Both great places specific to California.

If you're ever in Columbia, North Carolina, population 801, you can check out the Scuppernong River Walk. It's a boardwalk through a swamp. It's falling apart. But yeah, you can do it on horseback.

If you're ever in Indianapolis and you're a goddamn teen, go to the Glendale Mall and do not buy anything. Just walk and bother people.

In Boston, go to the Legal Seafood in Logan Airport, and when you get bored of that, do a walking tour of all the filming locations of The Departed.

Which probably exists.

Legal Seafood? What does that mean?

That's the name of it. It's a chain too, right?

Which feels like an overcompensation. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Totally legal! And Erin, if you're ever visiting our solar system, do you have a recommendation?

Jupiter!

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey Japes, why you got that big grin on your face?

Oh, this big grin? Well, it's certainly not because I was eating shit. Which, can we talk about that for a second? The phrase, shit eating grin? I'd rather not. Scene.

Scene. You're the one who told me we couldn't cuss in our ads.

Although, can we add that to the end of this episode, whatever it is?

Thanks, KJ.

That was a HitGum podcast.