Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Welcome back all you idiots. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC. I'm Erin Keif. That was rude.

Don't want to be an American ritty yet. Put it in the dead, in the pussy, pussy, pussy. What was that?

I literally told myself I will not sing today. Do you ever see that musical? Uh, no, but I heard the soundtrack for it.

Yeah, it's pretty... You know what song I think is super catchy?

What's that? 1... 2...

Oh wow, you threw some spice on the cunts on that one, didn't you?

Can I ask you something real quick, Erin?

What's up? At some point in the last couple seconds here, you tossed in there real quick that you told yourself you weren't going to sing today, and then you launched into 10 songs.

Oh you started, you, everyone rewind and tell me how this happens.

Welcome back, Ridiots. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I don't think you can say Ridiots anymore. Wait, really? Is that offensive, Ridiots? Uh oh, Adal's cancelled. Oh no. Do you think that our fans- Wait, can I explain myself? No. Ridiots is short for Rheumatoid Arthritis Idiot.

That's better. That's worse. Do you think our fans would consent to being called radiots as the thing that... I don't think anyone wants to have a negative connotation to a word.

Tweet us at AmericanRidiot if you prefer we call you radiots. If you prefer we don't, tweet us at UnAmericanRidiots. Would you rather be a radiot or a puzzle basalt? Or a dookie. Wasn't that a Green Day album?

Yeah, it was for sure. It was one of them. For sure, Duke, he was a Green Day album. But I told you guys before we started recording, not two minutes ago, I do not want to talk about Green Day.

You said you don't want any Avengers spoilers.

Yes.

I didn't want to sing. JBC didn't want to talk about Green Day and you didn't want any Avengers spoilers.

Yeah, Billy Joe. Yeah, I've seen the movie, but I don't want to hear any spoilers. Billy Joe has beat the shit out of me on three separate occasions. Billy Joel beat the shit out of me? The P.O. man himself.

And how many times did you deserve it out of the three?

I would say three out of three.

That's what I thought.

It was a turkey. Perfect game for Billy Joe beating the shit out of me. You know he's 5'1".

Who?

Billy Joe. Joe Armstrong? Really? Yeah. No, I don't know. I was asking if you knew. I don't know.

Wait a minute, that cadence was misleading. Are you Old Man Puzzles or what?

Erin, are you trying to pick me up?

Yeah.

Is that your pickup line at a bar?

Hey, um... Are you Old Man Puzzles or what? Hey, sorry, my friend and I were looking over here and we thought like maybe this is probably stupid.

I'm here with my wife.

What?

I'm here with my wife. It wasn't tucking you. We're divorced.

I'm sitting at the bar and you just scooch in front of me. Yeah.

You know how weird it is to scooch in front of someone who's sitting on a stool at the bar?

I know what I did. I'm gonna order a drink in a second. We were like, is that old man puzzles? Is that old man puzzles? Can I get you anything? Oh my god.

Are you drinking anything?

Yeah, I'll have a martini I guess.

I'm a bartender. I'm not hitting on you.

Would you like to order something? Bartender, would you get her martini and then also the tab for that? Okay.

Now who is who?

I'm his wife. Ex-wife. And I'm the bartender, and we have different voices.

And who is Old Man Puzzles? J-P-C! J-P-C!

It's as easy as O-N-P! Old Man Puzzles. I will be old man. Doing some riddies and puzzies. It's entirely too much singing on this week's episode. Should we start over? Yeah, we should.

Sorry, I'm underwater now.

Alright, Zoidberg, get out of here. I will be old man puzzles this week and what a week it is. Let's do a quick news and recap of the week.

You said Zoidberg, get out of here. Is that all that reference? Remember Zoidberger?

Is that a fun joke? What to do with that? Do I grind the show to a halt? I already did. And beat my friend verbally? I'm your friend?

Everyone heard that. Hope being that it would be the start of something fun. JPC's my friend. Or do I let it slide? Let it slide or like a Zoidberger. Welcome to Zoidberger, can I thank your order?

I'm not paying attention. I'm looking at my cherry tomatoes thinking if I should have any more and risk a tummy ache. What do you think, Adal? Adal, what do you think?

Here's what I think. I think we should record some video while doing the podcast, and I'm going to take those cherry tomatoes, and I'm going to toss them into your mouth like a blue man would.

They're going to hit me in the eye.

They're going to hit you in the eye, and that's going to be a good podcast. That's a bad show. No one should listen to it. Old Tomato Eye Keif.

So, I have a very special episode. Now, I know that everything that you've listened to thus far is proving to be the opposite, but I do actually have a very special episode planned.

Good episode or special?

Special. I would never hope to presume to call what we are doing good.

Yeah, CBS doesn't air the special wife. They are the good wife.

Yeah, CBS doesn't air the special doctor. They air the good doctor.

NBC doesn't air the special place. What? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Fucking comedy police over here. We got pulled over by the comedy police.

Do you know that Billy Joel is 51?

I did know that. Do you know that Billy Joel is 51? I've heard that, yes. We have a very special episode because all of the riddles that we are doing on today's episode have been submitted by a very... What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don't know.

Damn. I did the same thing and got called his friend. Erin, you fucked up.

That was so funny.

Am I right? By a very special friend of ours. So this is all by one person that we know. Not a good friend, a special friend. I would go so far as to say this is an NBC's The Good Friend of ours. This is fellow World News Tonight cast member, Patrick Connelly. Oh, the best. Yes, Pad is the best. I asked Pad shortly before we recorded tonight. I was like, Pad, we're going to use some of the riddles that you submitted. I'm going to give you credit at the top of the episode. How would you like me to give you credit? Like, what would you like me to read off as your credentials? I guess he did not know that I was fucking with him when I said that, so he sent me over some real things that I will read, which is I never intended to give him any credit. But if you like these riddles that Pat is sending out, you can find Pat on his own podcast. He's got a podcast on Arcade Audio. He is the host of the Our Father podcast.

I've been on that. I've been on it before.

I believe you've both been on that podcast before. It was a blast. He's also a writer on the Comedy Sports Trivia show, Let Sleeping Dogs Lie, and if you're in Chicago that's at Comedy Sports, it's Mondays at 8pm. And you can also see Pat doing World News Tonight, Saturdays at 8 and 10, with the three of us knucklebags.

He was on Jeopardy.

He was on Jeopardy. Pat was on Jeopardy. He lost to... He lost on Jeopardy. Baby.

Also, Pat is the one who bring the snacks to World News. So if you ever see us eating jelly beans in between shows, you can thank Pat.

If you ever see me eating snacks, you say a fucking prayer to thank Pat for the snacks that I'm eating. Because, guaranteed, those snacks came from that man. Are these riddles he created or riddles he found? Adal, I'm so fucking thankful that you asked me that question. Thank you. Adal, so Pat says, hey gang, love all three of you and the podcast. So the fourth person in the room, the podcast.

Did he rank us?

Yes, Erin. Do you want me to read the rankings that he put on here? And Erin, let me tell you before I finish this question. You do not. You do not want me to read this. Alright, let's keep moving then. Pat says as a trivia geek, he was on Jeopardy, there's nothing that makes me happier than the overwhelming feeling of smugness of getting an answer before anyone else. And I'm at my happiest when I'm listening to this show. Wow, Pat, thank you. I'm also a big fan of word games.

A little front-handed compliment.

So I thought I'd help out by including a hint in each of these riddles. So he did give a hint in each of these riddles, but the answer is hidden within each riddle as an anagram. And if you need a hint, me as Old Man Puzzles will share that some of the text is bolded and that will be your hint for the puzzle. And I'm sorry you said he did create these? Pat created all of these himself. Oh yeah, and I guess if you do want something to write with, then you can. Erin, let me cut your finger real quick.

Okay, I'll use it. My blood. My own blood. Are you using it?

The hint is, after I read the riddle, if you do need the hint that I can give you what text is bolded, and that is an anagram for the answer. Does that make sense? Okay, cool. Of course it makes sense. My friend. My good friend. Wow, you're really milking this friend thing, which was just a slip of the tongue on my part. All right, so as an example, since we usually start off with a warm-up, a pet has provided a warm-up. So I will just give you the full text of the riddle. Solve this one, and JPC will cite a pet. There's an anagram hidden in there. Spaghetti. Yes, correct. The bolded text in there is site a pet, which is an anagram for the word spaghetti.

This rules. I'm having so much fun and not just because I'm winning Adal.

And Adal. Erin took off for sure. She Mia Ham to the round her head.

Look, it's the world championship.

And I'm wearing Mia Ham's sports bra, so that works.

Not a similar sports bra, me and Hail Sports bra.

That cost me $80,000 and I don't regret it. Remember how people thought that was scandalous? And it's like the most normal fine thing. Anyways.

What? A woman's body?

Yeah. Everyone was like... What was that tone? I'm ready for another one, JBC.

Okay, so this next one is a little bit longer. But again, I'm not going to give you where the anagram is until we've... We need a hint. Yeah, exactly. Nobody ever wants me around. When I'm least wanted is when I am found. You may learn about me from a bad teacher or the long-winded sermon of an old preacher.

Billy Bob Thornton.

And Pat does say that if Adal talks in the middle of these riddles, I'm allowed to hit you as hard as I can. Which, by the way, is like the whisper of a leaf. Not very hard. Or long-winded sermon of an old preacher. Yet I can be banished by a good book or by giving your local red box a look. I'll stick close beside you when we're alone, but invite your friends over and I'll fly from your home. I can be found all alone I can be found all alone in a bedroom. If I'm with you, it's your fault for giving me headroom.

Loneliness.

You got real salacious at the end. Is it Nellie Furtado? Do you think that headroom is code for? Well, the way you said it, you said, I'll give you head room. Oh, gotcha.

Is Nellie Furtado okay?

Um, I mean, she's fucking fantastic. Okay. Why do you say that?

I haven't heard anyone mention her in a long time.

She did that song with Timbaland. And then she had, I'm like a bird, and she's Canadian, so she's got healthcare. Yes. Yes, Queen. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm actually glad I asked. I feel like I feel a little comforted.

Can we stop and can someone Google Nelly Furtado? Yep. I'm on it. And also, wait, JPC, you googled Nelly Furtado to see if somebody's made that joke. Erin. Erin, you're going to Google Nelly Furtado.

Oh, she has a great little pixie cut. Oh, that turn off the lights, the song that up. So she was born in 78.

Okay, Nelly Frittata, when you Google that, you get an image search, you get a bunch of pictures of St. Louis rapper Nelly eating an egg-based breakfast dish, and it's like thousands of these pictures. And it looks like they're not doctored at all, and they're all different frittatas.

Does anybody have an image that says it's getting hot sauce in her? No, that has not been done, but there are several frittatas that have little band-aids over them.

Okay, she made an album called The Ride in 2017.

So it sounds like she's doing pretty good. She's doing great!

With such tracks like Pipe Dreams, Cold Hard Truth, Sticks and Stones.

Sounds like she's going through something. So you're right. We're both right.

Yeah, she did separate from her husband in 2016. Who was her husband?

Her partner? She married the lead singer, Sum 41, right?

Yeah, she was in Max Payne, the movie, and she has a child whose name is Nevis.

Nevis, yeah.

Unfortunately. Oh, he's the... Maybe Nevis listens to our show so easy.

Oh, she married a sound engineer.

Sorry, KJ. KJ, thumbs up, thumbs down with Nellie Furtado. Thumbs up! Erin, real quick, and JPC, three-part harmony, Nellie Furtado, I'm Like a Bird. One, two, three. I'm like a bird on the Rifai way

I'm like a bird flying through the sky every day like a bird with my wings off. We said no singing up top.

In the car I went do not sing.

So what in this riddle do you think that Nellie Frittato is it? Or Frittato? Oh right, we're solving it riddles. Did I get it right? Frittato. Yes, we're solving riddles. And your answer was? Loneliness. Loneliness is incorrect. Adal Boredom is correct.

Can I say something? No, you can't. I don't want to put Pat on blast because Pat's a very good friend. He's currently in Ireland. He's a wonderful, wonderful friend. He did a riddle for the season two finale of Hello from the Magic Tavern as his bridge troll character. And I'm pretty sure boredom was the answer for that one.

Well, maybe this is saying something a little deeper about Pat and kind of things that he's going through right now. Yeah. And he's thinking about these riddles while he's listening to our podcast. So maybe our podcast is very bored. Dumb.

But we finally had a magic tavern. Hey Riddle crossover. That's true. Besides Matt Young doing an ad.

Does anyone know, and Arnie was on the show. Arnie Parrott did the theme song. Did anyone know what word there was in that that had an anagram for boredom? Morehead. What was it? Headroom. It was bedroom. Headroom doesn't have a lot of the letters that boredom has.

You know that character Max Bedroom, the 80s character?

Cool. So I would like to see a scene. Erin, in this scene you will be playing Nellie Furtado and Adal, you're going to be a fan who has met Nellie Furtado on the street and you're going to just be wondering what she's been up to for the past few years. Dead stop. That's a dead stop. That's our first dead stop.

Yeah, I think because no one else is gonna, how else are people gonna recognize her?

So you think Nellie Furtado is walking around humming her own songs, just waiting for people to recognize her? Okay, I'd love to continue the scene.

Oh my god, are you Nelly Furtado?

Oh my gosh, what? What makes you say that about me?

Because you're humming, I'm like a bird.

Am I? Sorry, sometimes just my subconscious just comes out.

Yeah, okay. You haven't done anything in a while.

Oh, I did an album in 2017, did you not?

Oh, I don't think you did. I think I would know. I'm a big fan, I think I would know if you did an album. How sound engineer. There's a tan line where your wedding ring was.

He is great. Good. We're not together.

Well, right now, because you're walking alone singing your song.

Well, here's the thing. If you're a true fan, name three of my songs.

I'm Like a Bird. I'm Like a Bird remix. That song you did with Timbaland. I'm a huge fan. You know, I thought always you should have done a whole animal song. You should have done I'm Like a Bird, I'm Like a Snake, I'm Like an Alligator, I'm Like an Emu, I'm Like a Dodo, I'm Like a Spider, I'm Like a Fly. Those are the only animals I know.

Some of those were insects. Excuse me? Nothing.

Insects is animals.

I don't think so.

How's that? Defend yourself.

Sorry, I'm going to Google that.

Defend yourself.

No, put up your hands. No, I'm going to Google it.

Excuse me. I couldn't help it over here. I'm a bug doctor on sabbatical from a university. I sent an inappropriate picture to a student. It was of a bug penis.

So are you on sabbatical or are you fired? What's a sabbatical? Oh, is that Nellie Furtado?

Yeah, she's not very nice. Promiscuous girl! That's the one!

I forgot! I forgot that one was a good thing of it.

You don't know.

You're Nellie Furtado and you only know.

That was my little brother's ringtone for a while.

Uh-oh.

Ironically? I think he just really liked that song. It's a good song. It's a special song. It's a special song. This week on a special episode of Nellie Furtado's discography. Okay, ready for your next riddle? Erin, are you ready too?

Okay, let me see. I'm going to check in with myself really quick, okay?

Sure.

Hey, Erin. Oh, sorry. You scared me, Erin. So you're just really pale and you have kind of sleepy eyes. Yeah, I was just checking in. Are you ready for the next riddle? I think so.

This is going to be our first ever sad stop.

I'm fine!

Carry on! We can't have gone 40 episodes without doing a sad stop. We have to have done sad before. Just for me, idiots. Should it be sad stop or sad sack? Dead sad.

Dead sad. I'm fine.

I'm good to have, but you can't be proud of having me. I am no secret, but if you claim me, I will flee. I free women of vanity, my presence blushes men. All your pride I'll set aside, it's a useless sin. Really want a hint for this? I'm hiding in the middle. But you don't need to prove you know me by answering this riddle. Jimmy Eat World. It's Jimmy Eat World. I'm hiding in the middle. How'd you know? It just takes some time. Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride. Go with everything I beat.

Can somebody make a Spotify playlist of every song that has been mentioned on this episode?

I don't think that we're on Spotify. Oh, I guess like our episodes are on Spotify, but pieces of our episodes on Spotify.

No, but I mean like every song we mentioned go through and get the actual artist version and make a Hey Riddle Riddle as garbage playlist.

I think it would be pretty embarrassing for us because it would just be Third Eye Blinds' Jumper like 40 times. I think I've done Shaggy's It Wasn't Me like a thousand times on this show. I know six songs.

Tell me, can you read that again?

Yes, I can tell you that I'll read that again. Thank you. I'm good to have, but you can't be proud of having me. I'm no secret, but if you claim me, I will flee. I free women of vanity. My presence blushes men. All your pride will set aside. It's a useless little sin. I keep putting use a little in there. It's just it's a useless sin. Really want to hint for this? I'm hiding in the middle, but you don't need to prove you know me by answering this riddle.

Fart.

Hole. Fart hole. That's a fart. Stop. Fart hole.

Was one of us close?

No, fart and hole were both not close. Fart hole son.

Adal, what do you think it is? I'll take credit.

I'm really keen into trying to unpackage it. It frees women of vanity? If I free women of vanity, my presence blushes men. Yeah, so that part right there is what I'm kind of trying to dissect.

Okay.

To be fair, I'm also trying to dissect a fetal pig, additionally. So my texture is split. It smells like straight up formaldehyde in here. Oh, I'm sorry this is such a formaldehyde.

It really hurt my feelings when JPC walked into it. It smells like Erin in here. Oh, there's a pig here.

There's a fetal pig in here. But I put lipstick on it.

Okay. Let's see. This is hard.

Yes, correct. Erin, correct.

Points. I guess it's okay with Adal. I would like to know which word is bold.

Um, no. Okay, well... I don't want to help anymore, but...

The word that is bold, it's actually two words, it is blushes men.

See I knew it.

As in the line, I free women of vanity, my presence blushes men.

Shmimblehoof. Is it shmimblehoof?

Shmimblehoof, yeah. So, Padd's an idiot and the answer that he put to this riddle was shmimblehoof. And you got it.

He's... he's... mimble?

Is it one word or two words?

It's one word. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna stop you right there. Put your pens and phones down. I'm going to see a scene. This is a scene from the pilot episode of a television show called He's Mimble. Now before the show can actually begin, as you know with live studio audience shows, we have like a front man come up and warm out the crowd. Erin and Adal, you are both the front men that come out and warm up the crowd and it is your It is your job to kind of tag team, explain to the crowd the show that they're about to see. I will tell you that He's Mimble has a very complicated premise.

Hey IFC audience members, how we doing? This is Charlie. And I'm Charlie. We're going to tell you what's up.

And I'm Charlotte, and we're your warm-up comedians.

So we need to tell you a little bit about the show because it's a little complex. Stop fucking clapping. We need to tell, why did we have the applause I'm facing?

I know you're excited to watch He's Mimble, but a few key things before we get started.

Mm-hmm. You should know that in this world that the show is set in, scientists have combined a man and a thimble together to form a... A Mimble!

All right, well, Mimble goes on all sorts of misadventures. He falls in love. He loses his job.

He is used for someone sewing. Those are the three episodes we have.

They hired both of us to do this, and I think we're doing great. So are you excited to meet Mimble?

Okay, a page runs up to both of you and hands you a big, big, big page full of rewrites.

Oh, here's page with a page. Oh. Don't say my real name. Huh? Okay, so seems like we've made a few changes based on your lack of applause. The writers have been in the wings ready. Yeah, so... Those are the writers, yep. So it seems like instead of scientists crossing a man with a thimble, the new show is crossing a woman with a... symbol! Yes, it's Wimble. This woman weighs 2,000 pounds, so this show is called Wimbleton. It's kind of a fun play.

But we're getting more rewrites. Alright, and this show is, we're actually combining a mouse with a... Another mouse.

It's called Basic Mouse.

Oh, another page of rewrites? Uh oh, these writers, these are just scratches of pencil and panic.

This will be fun.

So we've combined the concept of God with the concept of a pimple.

This is called Gimble. And then he has a little horse named Pimble.

Oh, the writers seem happy with this choice.

Oh, it's not a thumbs up, it's a middle finger. The writers are pissed. Well, you wrote it.

And, oh, and we're here at the beginning of tears.

Remember, first line from the show is... I'm sorry, my name is Ted Sizemore. I'm the president of the network. Tom, say your real name, Tom. My name is Tom Penisbutt. I'm the president of the network, this show has been cancelled.

One of my favorite bits to do is to be like, to start a classroom scene and be like, my name is John Finger in a Button. Yes, I get it, John. Just like John Belushi. I've heard it all before, but to totally ignore the obvious joke.

Speaking of ignoring the obvious joke, yes, we're still in the middle of this riddle. Blushes men. Is it one word or two?

I've already said that it's one word. That's impossible.

It's impossible? No. There's not an M or a P, so it can't be impossible. You see what I did? You guessed the word. Who are you? That's devastating to me. Embellish.

Blemishes.

Okay. So keep all of that in mind. I'm going to read this riddle again. I'm good to have, but you can't be proud of having me. I'm no secret, but if you claim me, I will flee. I free women of vanity. My presence blushes men. All your pride, all set aside. It's a useless sin. Really want to hint for this? I'm hiding in the middle. But you don't need to prove you know me by answering this riddle. Oh, we don't have to answer the riddle.

That's the answer. That's the answer, yeah.

I'm tired. I don't know.

Um, I bet the audience is fucking losing their minds. I bet the audience is losing their minds. Give us the first letter.

Uh, no. The title of this riddle, this is another clue, is called, You Don't Have to Prove Anything. The first letter is H. Humbleness. Yes! The answer is humbleness! Adal, tell them what you've won.

I've won the chance to sit out the next Riddle.

Oh, I wanted that!

Everybody wanted that, Erin.

Everybody wanted that. No, but you have taken the lead. It is now two to one.

I'd like to see a quick scene. Great. JPC, you are coming into the office that you work at. We'll say it's 8.55. You're a little bit early for your 9 o'clock call. And Erin is your co-worker. And you are coming to the office. You have kids. And your kids have tried to explain to you what a humble brag is. You've misunderstood wildly. And now you're going to present to Erin what you think a humble brag is.

Happy Friday.

Happy Friday. How was the rest of the week for you?

Great. I'm about to go to the Keurig. Do you want a coffee?

Well, I don't mean to do a humble brag, but I already pooped this morning before I left the house.

Josh, what?

I don't mean to do a humble brag, but I already pooped this morning before I left the house, so I don't need to have a copy.

Okay. Well, I'm going to have a coffee, Josh. Well, I'll walk over there with you. Any plans this weekend?

Yeah. Again, I don't mean to do a humble brag, but I bought four new lawn chairs.

Uh, great.

Yes.

Great. Are you going to use them? It's supposed to snow all weekend.

And as we continue with the scene, uh, JPC, your dad has an even wilder misconception as it goes on.

Okay. Okay. Uh, yeah, I guess it, I guess it will snow.

So I guess, um, I'm going to go skiing this weekend.

Oh, excellent. Uh, where are you going skiing?

Oh, just like up north, just in Vermont.

Oh, yeah. North of here in Vermont. Well, I don't mean to do a humble brag, but, um... When I have pancakes, I can eat a whole bottle of syrup. On just three pancakes.

Did you just learn the words humble brag today, Josh?

Whoa! Why do you ask? Actually, my son Joshua, which is my name.

And GPC, by the end of this sentence that you're saying, we're going to learn that you're actually Mimble, the man who is crossed with a thimble.

Anyway, my son Joshua, who was adopted because, as we all know, I don't have a human penis.

Hey Josh, can you hop away? Can you hop away and get a little thimble body away from me?

Well, I can. I don't mean to humble brag, but I am full of holes. So, you know I can really pass through. The office.

Well, it's about time to get ready for work.

We got a couple more minutes. We got a couple more minutes. We got a couple more minutes. Happy Friday Meredith. Steve!

Oh hey, my man. How's it going? Great. Going great. Weekend plans? Well, you know, probably just have some cheese, avoid all the traps. Don't mean to humble. What the fuck did you say, Steve? Said have some cheese, avoid all those traps.

You're on the wrong show, you're supposed to be on that mouse show.

Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, what happens when the mouse and the mouse get together? Wait, is this not the right- No. This isn't mouse party?

We got some rewrites.

This isn't mouse party?

All right, give me another riddle. I'm ready to prove myself again.

Give me a riddle to see my son. I'm gonna do a riddle on Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh, I love Kid Rock.

Okay. Fiance is off to display me, but gemstones not so. Always offered by puppies, but from cats it's touch and go. Held with hands wide open and not inside a fist. Awkward out in public when you're alone is when I missed. Awkward out in public when you're alone is one of the best. Love and kisses. Affection. Relationship. Kingdomship. Erin? What? You have nailed it.

No, don't joke.

The answer is affection. Is it? It is. What was the anagram? Fianc's oft. Hmm.

Interesting.

And the answer there is affection. Fans says off display me but gemstones not so always offered by puppies but from cats at session go. Held with hands wide open and not inside a fist awkward out in public when you're alone is when I miss. It is affection.

Adal, tell the truth. Did you know and you want you let me get it?

Yeah, I will say yes. Wait a minute. I feel like in my head I'm imagining Pat at home writing these and he's going through like all these different emotions where he's like, this is boring and then he's like, I wish I had someone here. He's like, no, I should remain humble.

Yes, so I believe that ties us up, even though I'm counting the warm-up that Erin got right as a point. But we're still 2-2. Interesting. Well, okay. I mean, Adal. Hey, my man. Well, we're getting some rewrites. It seems like it is 2-1.

No, wait a minute!

Oh, no. So, Erin, you delivered those rewrites. I don't know why you did that. I'm a redubby. It is 2-1.

Wait, I'm a ritty-it? I'm a ritty-it.

So it is two to one, Adal, you are in the lead here, and that gives us a great place to step away and take a quick break. We will see you after these brief messages from our sponsors!

And we're back!

Welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle, the show you hate. And for another thing that you hate, how about another riddle? Here we go. What's that in the distance? Not me. For I'm right here with you. I couldn't be closer. Halt! Who goes there? Not me. I'm with you already. Now watch where you go, sir. Oh, is this God? Is he gonna be like, foots in the sand? Hold on. Where is my keychain? Hidden. A mystery for certain. Though it's right where you left it. Why is this toilet seat wet? Haha! Now you're stuck taking a moist, angered shit.

Okay, I feel like the last two lines were JPC originals.

Nope, these are all bad.

A moist, angry shit.

Well that has to- the anagram has to be angry shit. What's that in the distance? Not me, for I'm here with you. I couldn't be closer. Halt who goes there? Not me. I'm with you already. Now watch where you go, sir. Where is my keychain? Hidden. A mystery for certain. Though it's right where you left it. Why is this toilet seat wet? Haha! Now you're stuck taking a moist, angered shit. Is the answer insanity? The answer is insanity. That's so good. No, it's not. It's absolutely not. So, Erin, you're still in the game. Is it a mirage? Explain some reasoning here behind these answers. Is it a mirage?

I always get dead stops.

That's not me in the distance. That's me in the corner. Oh, it's REM.

Yes, it's REM. Michael Stipe. What's that in the distance? Not me, for I'm right here with you. I couldn't be closer. Hulk, who goes there? Not me. I'm with you already. Now watch where you go, sir. Shadow. It's not shadow?

I don't know. Could you give us a hint, maybe the title of the riddle?

See if you can solve this.

Horizon.

Not horizon. It's S-E-E, not S-E-A.

Okay.

It is Verizon.

Can you hear me now? Your eyes.

I'm Nipple's Fucker. Can you hear me now?

Eyes?

It's not eyes, but you're on the right track.

Sight.

No. Eyelids. Blasses. No. Bifocals.

Contacts. Let me give you the word, the bolded words. This will help. Angered shit.

Oh, you were right, Adal.

With what?

You said that those were probably the words that were pulled. Yes. Adal doesn't care about riddles anymore. I just saw him hit the wall after 40-something episodes.

My soul just left my body.

I saw it happen. He was the only one who loved riddles.

This too hard.

Alright, wait. I'm gonna write that down.

Angered shit. And Erin, like I said, you said eyes and you were getting closer.

Okay. I want to leave shit as is because I feel like that's gonna be part of it. You think this one-word answer... Endangered shit?

Yes, it's an endangered shit.

That's a great question. If an endangered animal shits, can you clean it up? Wow, we'll never know.

Yeah, well... I love that you think that's a great question. Adal, you did say that you're writing a children's book called If a Dodo Takes a Doo Doo, correct? Oh, do you want to hear a passage from it? Absolutely. Here's the book. I asked for this. Thank you so much. Okay.

I'm gonna get this. Hold on. I'm close.

Well, Erin, do you want me to read a passage from Erin's children's book?

Here, I'll read the first page. Let's read a page. Okay, great. If there's a toucan and a tutu, and a piggy can go doo-doo, then a dodo can do doo-doo, and of course you'll number two-two.

Okay, and here's the book, and I'll go to the next page. Why did I write this book? I am so alone, my life is pain, every day I scream into my empty room. Oh, those are my notes. Those are my author notes. Would you like to read a page from when a dodo-doo's a doo-doo?

Help, help, help. Help, help, help. Oh, Adal, these are your notes.

No, those are someone else's.

Alright, the answer to this ends with I-N-G.

No.

Seriously?

Correct. Does it start with this? Because shit is a perfect answer for this. It is one word. This. No.

Testering. Answering. Shatter.

Pain in my shit. Bifocals. No. Near-sided. Yes! It's correct. It's nearsighted.

It's nearsighted, yes. So yeah, when you are nearsighted, Erin, you are so fucking far behind. Three to one over here.

I got the warm-up Riddle!

Erin has her hands on her head like she can't breathe.

There's a cupcake right in front of me that I cannot eat.

Yeah, I texted Erin earlier and I said, can you eat cupcakes? And she didn't get back to me and then she just put, no, ha ha ha. Are you at Mariano's?

Well, I can have gluten free cupcakes.

Can I also tell this little antique dote? Yes. I'll allow it. We went to have a, we had a Hey Riddle dinner the other day.

Were you trying to come up with a way to call that like a hey dinner dinner?

Hey dinner. We had a hey dinner dinner.

A dinner riddle. Dinner riddle riddle.

That's a dinner stop. We had a dinner and we had tapas because Erin demanded it.

I did because I'm a queen.

Yeah, at some point, Erin ate like 10 scallops. I go, did you eat 10 scallops? She goes, yeah. Oh, it was three scallops. Let's call it, let's meet in the middle. It was 13. But at some point, I was like, let's get desserts. And Erin goes, I don't do sweets. And I was like, OK. And so I ordered a caramelized banana. And I said, I'm going to get two spoons just for JPC and I. And as we started eating it, Erin was like, I'll try this.

No!

I wasn't even fucking there so don't put this on me.

I was like okay I don't want to hurt their feelings I'll try it and I did like it.

Turns out Erin ate 13 of those bananas.

I didn't have any I had three scallops and I ate them kind of quickly. I guess I ate them fast and Adal was like, whoa Zoom! Slow down little lady!

And I was like... Alright, Erin, if you didn't eat those scallops fast... Well, that's my favorite pick up line. Slow down little lady.

If you didn't eat those scallops fast, how come at the end of the meal the waiter came over to us with a certificate for the fastest scallop eating lady?

He said your kids eat for free, but yo, that's not a kid, that's JP Z.

You seem like such a grove. Eating fish quickly is really sad. So please just give me a break.

We can call you Mama Mollusk.

Please don't.

There's nothing sad other than eating a fish quickly.

Well, okay, well, here's my revenge. You two, between the two of you, ordered a hundred different types of potatoes and ate all of them.

Yeah, that's true. To be fair, JPC ordered just potatoes and mayonnaise. I took some home and guess what I did with that potato and mayonnaise when I got home? You ate it. Went straight up my ass, baby. Yeah, I'm wet and nasty. I'm a sloppy little bitch.

JPC is some people's favorites. Just pointing that out.

Oh, those potatoes were good. Okay, Adal's fingers can Ah, boy, oh boy. What? Next Riddle. Adal's fingers can find me in the cold Arctic Ocean. JPC knows me best when someone else shows emotion. For Erin, I make it harder to feel up men's bums. Most improvisers seek me in whiskies and rums. Um, dad's attention.

Validation.

Dad's attention? Dad's attention.

You see... Could you read it again?

I can read it again. Adal's fingers can find me in the cold Arctic Ocean. JPC knows me best when someone else shows emotion. Penguin. For Erin, I make it harder to feel up men's bums. Most improvisers seek me in whiskies and rubs. Fish oil.

Fun jokes. No. Laughter. What's the smelt?

I'm sorry?

Smelt?

Smelt.

What's the title of this?

The title of this is, I've got a good feeling about this one.

Custom nights gonna be a good night.

These are, first of all, just a pause. These are really, really great.

No! We can't pause.

No, these are great.

The show must go on, Erin.

But these are great.

Thank you. These are really good riddles. I befriended Pat just so I could get these riddles.

I do want to say today's episode is unofficially sponsored by Paws Chicago, where JPC got spaghetti. I would like to see a quick public service commercial. Is that a thing? Yeah, public service commercials. With Erin and JPC doing an ad for Paws Chicago. That is where he gets spaghetti. I just want to see a quick commercial for that.

Anyone can be a dog parent. And here's an example. This guy is a fucking idiot. JPC, tell the people why you suck so bad.

I think spoons are forks, and I think forks are knives.

And other things too, right, JPC?

Yes. I believe wholeheartedly that Joe Biden is the right choice for presidential nominee in 2020. I think that Oprah is a little too much. And I... Hey, I'm gonna stop you real quick, sorry.

About a minute ago, Erin said fucking, so we have to retake this. Start from top, here we go. One, two, three. Okay, great.

This shitbird asshole little bitch is allowed to have a dog named Spaghetti. A cute dog, even. And he can keep it alive. Her alive. JVC, tell people why you deserve to have a dog.

When I go to Pornhub, I click every single ad that I see. Even for the penis pills that I don't need.

Sorry, I've got to stop you there. Pons has a partnership with RedTube. We allow them to use dogs in some of their porn. Is that a real porn website? Sorry? Nothing. I just mentioned it, didn't I?

I'm sorry. Sometimes you make things up because you're an improviser.

Here, I got it on my phone. Check it. See? It's Family Guy stuff. We also... It's all Lois.

It's all Lois and Peter getting 69. It's mostly Brian on my feed. We also have Bloemport. You ever go to Bloemport?

Is that made up?

Bloemport? Yes.

No, no, no. Have you ever seen the Ray Romano movie, Welcome to Mooseport? No. It's a port website based on that movie.

Alright, I'm ready to take it again.

What are some of the port insights you know?

Pornhub?

Okay, what else? That's what I said.

Google?

I think we're ready to take it whenever.

Yeah, we're ready.

Okay, in three, two, one, zero, minus one, minus two, minus three.

This little bitch has a dog named Spaghetti. Tell everyone why you're such a bitch.

I regularly, routinely deny calls from my mom and my grandma.

This is also a visual, so can you act a bitch?

Yeah, sure.

Visit Paws today because anyone can have a dog and take care of it and love it like JPC loves spaghetti, a dog he named after food.

I for real got in trouble the other week for making a joke about how I fuck my dog, which is a thing that I make routinely. So someone texted something to Mariah out of context and she was like, what does this mean? And I was like, well, I'm so glad I have the opportunity to explain this because what I was doing was making a joke about how I fuck my dog. And now I get to explain to you the context of this joke that someone texted you.

And remind me, has Mariah received her sainthood yet? Or that's coming? You have to die to get sainthood. What are you doing? Back off, back off! Abort, abort! Oh, now you're making abortion jokes.

Would you like to answer this riddle?

No.

Okay.

So the feeling that I get, was that what it was? What's the title?

Adal's fingers can... Oh, the title is I've got a good feeling about this one.

I've got a good feeling about this. So it has to do with the sense of touch because my fingers can fight it in the ocean. Yes.

So what's like... JBC's knows me best when someone else shows emotion. For Erin, I make it harder to feel up men's bombs. Here's... Most improvisers seek me in whiskey's and rum's.

Escape.

The Pina Colada song?

I don't know. If you like making love at midnight. What's bold? What's bold? I'm ready for what's bold.

Men's bums. Men's bums. Eight letters, men's bums. Oh, summer? What's that?

You know, you got winter, spring, summer, fall. Summer? Yeah, Adal's fingers find summer when he's in the ocean.

Numbers. Numbers is not the correct answer, but it's Erin. It's very close to the correct answer. Mumbers.

Numbness.

Numbness. Nice. Erin Keif is back on the board. It's two to three, Erin.

How do you feel? I feel nothing.

Yeah, just like JPC when someone else shows emotion. Here's another Riddle.

Are you okay?

Even if I wasn't, how would you ever fucking know?

Do you? I think you're secretly a little softy. I think you're secretly a little Paddington bear, huh? Who's my little Paddington bear?

Little ketchup the bear? Yeah. Alright, here's the next riddle. Here we're related, even if you're a stranger. Olive Garden. Yep, it's Olive Garden. Fuck.

Seriously?

It is indeed Olive Garden.

No way!

Can you read the whole thing? Yes, Adal got it immediately, but this one is great. Damn it, Adal! It's actually, there's three of them in this. Vino Regald. There's three in this. Vino Regald, Grown Veiled, and Olive Garden. I love Danger, Vino Regald, and Grown Veiled are all anagrams for Olive Garden.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you are leading, it's the all three of us, and you are leading a pitch session for what Olive Garden's slogan should be or tagline, and this is like in the late 80s, so we're gonna see where we land.

Okay everyone, take a seat. I know I'm the boss and maybe it's not good that I do my idea first. But I'm just going to start us off.

I just have to say it's 1980 and I love that the boss is a woman.

Yeah, this is, and your suit with the big shoulders, I think it's great.

Makes it dumb and useless when you point it out as much as you do. All right, here we go.

We're trying to be proactive. Easy, breezy, beautiful. And beautiful refers to yourself or the food?

The food. Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. Okay.

Okay. I got one. Yeah. Okay. It's not delivery because you're in a fucking restaurant.

I don't hate it. I don't love the swear, but I don't hate it.

Okay. Okay. I have one. It's kind of simple.

It's just it's Pepsi.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Do we serve Pepsi products? I don't think so. I don't believe so.

Alright, I got one.

Ready?

Olive Garden. Just do it.

I like that. I like that. How about this? Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's breadsticks.

Oh well, I'd like to pause and unpack that one a little bit.

Why'd you two look at each other when I said that one? We both have had daughters that have had breadsticks.

The hands of breadsticks. The hands of breadsticks.

You both have daughters. We both have had daughters.

Have had daughters.

I didn't say that.

We just let them run out into the woods. What are you supposed to do when you've got breadsticks?

Are you kidding me? Do you know animals can smell breadsticks from 10 miles away? We're counting on it. We're actually getting on it. You're counting on your daughters that you've had being eaten by wolves. No. Because of their breadsticks raised.

Do you have another one?

Raised by wolves. I have one. I have one. Eaten good in the neighborhood. In the neighborhood, it's Italy. Oh, I like that.

Olive Garden.

I'm loving it. How about this? Olive Garden, like a rock. Oh! Because it's hard to get reservations. Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other?

Why do you two look at each other?

Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other?

Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other?

Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other?

Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each other? Why do you two look at each

I was gonna say we do everlasting breadsticks. Just breadsticks that just one long breadstick that you just keep eating.

It goes back into the kitchen.

Ending soup, ending breadsticks. Salad that stops.

Hey, can I just say I know co-workers. Sure. And I know it's the late 80s, but... When I'm with you all, you feel so... Feels like we're from the same ancestry. Yeah, like we're all together. When I'm in this room, it's like you're in my ancestry. You're part of my tree.

Oh my gosh. I think we're all in agreement. Easy breezy people.

One, two, three.

Do you ever think that we should fucking use that time machine to come back in time and do ad executive stuff when we were all meant to go kill Hitler?

Smash cut to two daughters in the woods with breadstick arms.

You want someone to draw it?

I want either someone to draw two girls with red stick arms being raised by wolves, or I want that to be a Halloween costume this year. Yeah, that'll be a big Halloween costume this year.

Oh my gosh, just wear a sweatshirt and then have two olive garden red sticks.

It can be like an Adam Sandler desk piece. And people will ask you what you are for Halloween and you'll have to explain to them what a podcast is. Undercooked pasta, which should have been wetter, a tame kiss was given when passion was better. The curtain pulled open, a neighborly flash, a debit card left after getting some cash. Ordering vegan, but being served ham, every example a clue as to just what I am.

I call bullshit on this. These are just Bob Dylan lyrics. Wait, what song do you think Bob Dylan sings? Isn't it ironic?

Don't you think?

This is undercooked pasta which should have been wetter. A tame kiss was given when passion was better. The curtains pulled open, a neighborly flash, a debit card left after getting some cash. Ordering vegan but being served ham, every example, a clue as to just what I am.

Things that make you not horny.

Unreturned. Mm-mm. No.

Limp.

No. Limp. Biscuit. Limp biscuit is rocking your scent just like crushing a nut when you're placing your bet. Neighborly flash. Frustrating. Is that like your neighbor flashing you? Yeah. The curtains pulled open and neighborly flash.

Um... Under arrest. Naked. Nope. What was it? Limp pasta when it should have been wetter?

Undercooked pasta which should have been wetter.

Al dente. A tame... No.

I mean that's... Yeah. Weird Al Dente. It's Weird Al Dente. Fuck. How'd you get it? How are you, smart sky in the world? How good you are. No, no, no. It's not that. I'll give you the title of this one. Oops. Didn't mean this in this one. Oops, didn't mean this in this one.

Didn't mean to send this one. Dick pics. No. Oh, never-ending dick pics.

Every example a clue as to just what I am. So each one of these examples has a clue to what this is.

Underdone. No. Okay. Undercooked pasta when it should have been wetter.

A tame kiss was given when passion was better. The curtains pulled open, a neighborly flash, a debit card left after getting some cash. Ordering vegan but being served ham. Every example of clue as to just what I am. Being ironic. It's not ironic. Being... Alright, you guys want the, uh, the anagram? Yeah. Tame kiss. Eight letters. Tame kiss. It's one word. It's plural. Mistake. Adal got it. It's mistakes. All of these are mistakes. I'm sorry.

Well, Adal got that because he was a mistake.

Thank you, Erin. Oh, don't try and high-five me. I won it so bad, though. So what happens there is Adal was up four to two, but then Erin made Adal slice off a big slice of his own ass and made him eat it on a plate, and so then Erin stole the points, and now it's three to three.

But I want it to be five to one, so that's Billy Joel Armstrong's height. Wait, I want to see a scene where Erin, you are in Boston, and JPC, you are a pageant host, and you're crowning Erin a Miss Steak. Okay. So this is like a real meat-centric town.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I didn't think I could ever see it done, but at 5'8", eating 184 pounds of steak. And all those scallops! I'm sorry. Yes, she was almost disqualified for eating all the scallops.

She ate that fish too fast.

She ate that fish too fast. Your mistake, Erin Smoot.

Oh God, hooray!

Erin Beif was right there. Why didn't you take it? She lost. Fair and square, buddy.

Alright.

Get over it.

You know what's true about me today? I microwaved chicken. I took it out. The smell is so bad that I threw up in the trash. That's a sad stop. And that's why I'm honored to win Miss Steak. It has iron in it. I like it medium rare. Is my best crown made of me?

Yeah, it's not time for the speech. I gotta make my song. Look at her! Look at her sweat! She's eating so much meat. Why's her face so wet?

I feel like I'm pretty rare.

She's the mistake.

Do you have any more?

She's a mistreat. The family's in town, but the options are few. We've been to the Bean and the Lincoln Park Zoo. We went to the Shed, got belugued and sealed. We took selfies with Sue when we stopped by the field. We ate a deep-ditch pizza and tons of Al's- At what pizza? We ate a deep-ditch pizza- You mumblefuck. and tons of Al's beef. We saw that one show with Rifai, Coan, and Keif. We've done House of Blues and done the Green Mill, but their flight is tomorrow with a full day to kill. Blue Man Group. Parents, tourists. Pain very deep fills my soul as I know will end up the one place I don't want to go. Sears Tower. Parents, tourists. No. Those tours will end up the one place I don't want to go.

Wrigley Field.

We already said the field.

The worst places in Chicago are the Bean, Navy Pier. Here's what I'll say. There's stuff like if you go to like the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre or there's a few things that reside in Navy Pier that are great but the actual pier itself I mean it's not there's like it's like a build-a-bear and like a bubblegum shrimp

Okay, let's just shit on Erin's favorite things. Let's just shit on Erin's favorite things. I'd like to see a scene.

Wait, the other day when I saw you holding a Build a Bear and wearing a Above Gum Shrimp, sure, you don't mean me. Yeah, I was horny as hell. Hey ladies, ladies line up. Ladies or gents?

I want to see a scene and Adal, you're a kid and you just built your first Build a Bear and JPC, you're the bear that Adal just built.

Oh, I finally got you home and let you out of your box. Come out of your box, friend! I can't see. You're named Sarsaparilla. I didn't give you eyes because I don't want you to know shame. You gave me buttons. A bear cannot see out of buttons. I don't want you to see. I don't want you to have shame. I just said that. Don't make me fucking repeat myself.

I don't know. Sarsaparilla, you're my best friend. I don't know what shame is. Do you not want me to feel ashamed of knowing that I'm an inferior creation? No questions or your hand goes on the stove. Ah, well the stove's not on. I thought it was going to be hot. I was just expecting hot.

Why would I turn on the stove if I'm a kid? My name's not Sesperilla. Hey, it's the microwave. Yeah, your name is. No, my name is Dijon. I come from the planet Beforff. Your name is Dijon coming from the planet Beforff. What are you, some sort of rewrite from sitcom writers? Hey kid, what are you doing? Don't say that.

Honey, who are you talking to?

Oh, my mom played by Carole Kane. Seen!

Erin Snorted, would you hear that? Hi. One last one to take us out. This is for all of the marbles. Whoever gets this one wins all the points.

I love this.

Can I just say, when JPC said this is for all the marbles, he put his testicles on the table?

First of all, my testicles have been on the table this whole time.

We just don't notice.

That's how I got them all. I want you to play a horny pirate who's ashamed of his search history. Arr! Me porn vices! That's the whole puzzle.

Say it again.

I want you to play a horny pirate who's ashamed of his search history. Arr! Me porn vices! It's me porn vices.

I don't know. What's bold?

Me porn vices! And you're looking for two words, and it's not something with Erin.

Really? Erin's in there.

Erin can be in there, but... Erin's smoke is in there.

Nice?

No. Oh, the word nice isn't one of the words?

Oh, it's vice porn me.

Vice.

Oh, is it rice? It is not. Poonice? The title to this one is, if you need a segue, I want you to play a horny pirate who's ashamed of his search history. Arrr, me poor and vices. Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who's a fan of the show. Is this one of your sayings? No, it's not a saying. The name of the riddle is if you need a segue. I want you to play a horny pirate who's ashamed of his search history. Are me porn vices?

Scene?

Can we stop the show? Yep, scene is part of it, Erin. You got one of the words correct.

TPC, can we stop the show? Um, no. I don't feel good. I need to go home. You shouldn't feel good. I have a note for my mother.

I watched you eat 13 scallops.

I have a note for my mother. Let me see this.

You know that her profession is... Yeah, this says, I refuse to accept responsibility for Adal's behavior. Why would she write this? You're a 36-year-old man. We had a falling out.

Movie scene.

No.

Something scene.

Yes, something scene. We've, yes, that is correct. Wait, what would be important vices? What would be important vices? Okay.

You guys are gonna shit yourselves. Prom scene. My scene. No, not prom scene, not my scene. You have six letters left. For the first word. I want you to play a horny pirate who's ashamed of his search history. And then Adal would go, R, me porn vices. Oh, rom-fit. It's a rom-fit. I cannot believe that you two can't get this.

I'm tired.

I want to see a scene. Is that what it is? Let's see a scene. It's two words. Blank scene.

Blank scene. I want you to play a horny pirate. Blank scene. Yeah, both of the people in the booth know it.

Rif.

This is so funny. They're like yelling it. They're yelling it.

No hits, no hits.

Oh boy. It's infuriating. Wait, hold on. I hope the people are listening to this podcast and their brains are fucking melting.

I have the letters M-E-P-O-R-V-I.

You have an E?

There's two E's. Oh, there's two E's in scene.

Yeah. Never mind. You shouldn't have an E. I should get it on that alone.

No, but you didn't.

Vipe, vipe, vipe.

You have the letters. The letters that you have are I-M-P-R-O-V. Those are the letters that you have. Do you guys have different letters? I have P-O-R-V-I-M. I have I-M-P-R-O-V.

I have I-M-P-R-O-V. I spelled it out for you twice.

I spelled out the word improv twice. That is so funny. You guys couldn't get a bruv scene. Okay, well thank you so much.

Must be pretty easy when you have the answer in front of you. You mumble fuck.

He's a jerk. He's a jerk.

Our friend is a jerk. Our friend is a jerk.

I hate our friend. Our friend is a jerk. Our friend is a jerk and we're not happy. Happy for him! One day I hope Pat and Sandy are two sources for riddles and nothing else.

Adal, do you have anything that you would like to plug? The Titanium Physics podcast, which I just guessed it on, which is me learning from some physicists and scientists from MIT learning about black holes. It was a fantastic time and we had Katie Bauman on was teaching me. She's the young woman who took a picture of the first black hole. So she got to tell me about Black Holes. And I also guess it on a podcast called The McElroy Brothers Will Be in Trolls World Tour. I did a scene that was a reenactment and I got to play in a scene alongside Lin-Manuel Miranda, which is now something I'm very proud to say I did. That's cool. We weren't in the same room, but he played a wolf.

Oh, that's less cool. Erin, a lot less cool. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

My team that I have with my best friends, Wet Bus, performs every Thursday at 10 p.m. at I.O. and if you want free tickets to that, please let me know. I'd love to give you free tickets and say hi to you after.

Great if you would like to find me you could go to Twitter I'm at JP so fly if you'd like to find me on Instagram I'm at shark barkman if you would like to find something on Netflix there's a search feature you can go to the search feature on Netflix you can type in a person who's in the thing that you're interested in seeing or the name of the thing that you're interested in seeing

What if you type in porn?

Is Netflix a porn website? It's going to pull up a whole bunch of options. Choose the thing that you want to watch. They have seasons of television shows. They have movies, original content. Have a ball. Just enjoy watching Netflix.

If you type in porn, it comes up with Hot Girls Wanted, Zach and Mary Make a Porno, The Emperor of Porn, and Tom Segura Stand Up.

That's definitely what I'm going to jerk off to later.

And Erin, if I were to go to the Netflix search and type in J-U-P, what would the first thing I see be?

Jupiter Ascending maybe? Cloud Atlas. Bye forever! Hey Riddle Riddle.

Created by Adal Rifai. That was a hate gun podcast.