Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

No shit, all Sherlock, it's Hey Riddle Riddle solving the riddies and puzzies that this garbage world has to throw at us. I'm Adal Rifai. And I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And we are doing another mailbag episode. We are joined today by a very special guest who is objectively known as the best improviser in the world. Yes, that's correct. Ask anyone. It's pretty subjective.

You might know him from teaching Dave. We're just reading the card that you gave us.

TJ and Dave. Yeah, this is what you gave us here. Yeah, just about going. A signed hedgehog. You might know him from TJ and Dave. You might know him from the Sonic commercials. Does your character have a name in that? TJ. TJ? Named after you?

Yeah.

I named after it. It's actually, it's my godson's name. Also plays Clax on Hello from the Magic Tavern and Offices and Bosses. TJ Jagodowski.

Hey guys. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me, man. How are you doing? Oh, real good. Real good. Thank you. Yeah, my brackets are still holding together.

I don't know when this will come out, but right now... I would say late April.

Oh, then I won. Who do you have going all the way? Duke and Virginia. Duke snuck out. Two teams going all the way. Well, for the final. Two teams winning at first. I'll let you know after that game.

I got Duke and Virginia going all the way to the final 16.

TJ, how are you feeling personally about riddles and puzzles? I feel like we've done a few things that are riddle-based and you've took to them like fish to water.

I enjoy jogging the the brain box a little bit so yeah I love a good riddle. Do you do a lot of crosswords or a lot of Used to do a ton of crosswords and still do puzzles here and there as well. Peter Gwynn has mailed that one, has this insanely complicated one that this guy from this madman from Long Island mails to us and it's once a year 50 questions it takes you like two and a half months to get through the damn thing and it's not always all that satisfying. Yeah, there's like a bunch of questions. Turns out just to be a huge pain in the ass research assignment, but I still like enjoy the madness of it. Is it like obscure trivia? No, it'll be like two palindromic baseball players faced off against each other. Now take all the letters of their last name, replace one of them with the letter that comes before it in the alphabet, rearrange that to find a make or model of car. Got it. The Maker Model of Car may not exist anymore. In case everyone ever wants it, the only time palindromic baseball pitchers have faced each other, Rob Nenn pitched against Dave Otto. Oh yeah. In case you ever wanted.

Oh yeah, Dave Otto.

That's huge for baseball.

People are going to think I'm a god when I get that right in trivia.

I feel like you also didn't you and Rush Howell used to host a trivia?

We co-hosted a pub quiz at the Mission Theater. James Dugan and I have talked about doing it again and Beth and I hosted like two of them. Yeah, we try to make them really really difficult. I think that the next question I want that has a multitude of answers to it, in case anyone wants to prep, in case this ever happens, is name. I think there's 14, but name you could have like 10 possible answers of people who have played Colonel Sanders in the last four years.

Oh, that's a good one. Wow, okay.

That's a pretty good one. I only know two.

Reba McEntire.

Oh, I didn't know that one.

Norm Macdonald. I think Norm Macdonald. Am I ruining this question for you now? George Hamilton. George Hamilton. The guy from Daily Show.

Rob Hubel. Rob Riggle. Yeah, Riggle did it. Jim Gaffigan. Oh yeah. Were there any other lady Colonel Sanders? I think just Reba. That sucks.

I think we're okay. I don't think we need to do that. No, I'm busy that day.

I have a thing that day. And Erin, you wouldn't play the Colonel if that opportunity came across?

Not for a billion dollars. I don't know.

That seems like a pretty easy way to make a billion. I don't know.

Round the table, same question, would you play the Colonel for a billion dollars? I'd say yeah, I'd do it for 10 years for a billion.

Well also, let's go ahead and before we, JPC is going to be Old Man Puzzles today doing the mailbag, but before we get into that, let's clear the, there's an elephant in the room, which is that TJ and Erin are both from Mass. Yeah, great state of Mass. So let's get out some hometown shout outs.

Do you just want us to name some towns? No, your hometown.

I think you should give hometown shout outs to people that you know from the old hometown. Do you think hometown just means listing all the cities in a state? Yeah. Okay. I'll hear that too. What do you think Homecoming Queen is? Everyone? Yeah, everyone. I was Homecoming Queen, so I was 250 other women. Can you milk me?

I'm from Hingham, which is south shore of Massachusetts. It's about 20 minutes south of Boston. It's on the water. It's very pretty. Eleanor Roosevelt went down our Main Street once and was like, this is nice. Now we can't change anything.

Perfect. And I'm from Holyoke, Massachusetts, in the western side of the state, surrounded by absolute beauty on the shores of the Connecticut River, deep in the, well, sort of at the edge of the Pioneer Valley, near the foot of the Berkshire Mountains. I feel like you made that up.

No, all true. TJ did a better job at selling his... Oh, much better.

Hard to agree. None of the things that TJ mentioned sound like Boston.

And TJ just won an award, a prestigious award, if I may put you on the spot. You called it the best improviser in the known universe. Immediately when we started the podcast. Before I even started improvising. When I was just a glint in my dad's eye, everyone, I don't mean to like put this earth on Atlas' shoulders here, but everyone said TJ is the person to see to watch. And then when I saw you, it was, I fell in love with him all over again.

Let's put this at the end if the scenes go well. If the scenes are terrible, let's just not do that.

If they're terrible, it would be because of us.

At the end, we'll give you our new impressions of you as a professor at a performance.

We're crabs in a bucket.

We'll drag you down. And honestly, I don't know, you're fine, but I'm a pesky crazy guy. I'm not being honest, he's great.

What's the award you won? It was the John F. Kennedy Award for a person of Irish descent who has achieved excellence in their field. And so they ignored the Jagodowski part of my name. And yeah, I got to walk in the parade, and I got to fire the shotgun to start the road race and stuff. Who'd you hit? I actually yelled, run for your lives, and then fired the shotgun.

I've made this joke before, but it's correct that the official certificate says Jagodowski, right? Yes, it does. They had to Irish up your name.

What are some previous winners?

JFK. He did. He won it, man. He was the first.

40 years. He was the third. Yeah, he actually did win it first, but I guess I don't know what it was named then. And then Maureen O'Hara, Irish Mickey Ward, the boxer, Tom Clancy, Doris Kearns Goodwin, David McCullough, Robert Stack. When you win, do you get all their contact info?

You get their souls in a box. And TJ, last question before we start. Do you think Ted Kennedy killed that girl? Uh, more than likely.

More than most. I don't think we killed her. I don't think we're packed for her.

Adal just laughs so hard his head folks shut off his head.

And I'm not gonna call the man a murderer.

Oh no. TJ, I told you a story on the show that happened at Christmas a couple years ago. Where I have one conservative uncle and he was leaving the party and he went, Ted Kennedy killed that girl. And I heard my aunt yell, John, you always do this! It's like a bomb exploded.

There's, I mean, it definitely proves that there's literally nothing that a Kennedy could have done to have them not reelected in our state for sure.

Or not have their photos everywhere around my home like they belong to us.

So we're doing an all mail bag this episode which means all of these are listener submitted. We're always accepting more of these. So if you ever want to send us some riddles You can send those into hrrpodcast.gmail.com. I will say that we have hundreds of riddles in the submission category because we don't do these mailbag episodes that often. And a lot of them are very old from when we first started the show. So I think all of these are going to be some of the older submissions that have been sent in. But I will say that a lot of people submitted riddles that we answered in later episodes of the show that we never answered from their emails. So I'm sure that there's a lot of people out there who wrote us emails and they're like, oh man, they'll never read that.

So if you send us an email, maybe send us two or three so we have some options?

My favorite is when people send us like emails with riddles in it and they're like, I'm six episodes in and I want to just submit a riddle. I'm like, that's a terrible idea because we're 40 episodes in and we've already done that one.

What are the titles of like the first couple words of the ones you don't need anymore? Oh, um, God, just, I mean like,

The Umbrella. Oh yeah.

The Elevator Umbrella Riddle. If the answer is a cloud. He was living in a lighthouse.

Full backpack, empty backpack.

Full backpack, yeah. Yep, that one. A bicycle. If the answer is a deck of cards on the floor. Or hung himself with dry ice. Yeah, a lot of those.

A dry ice?

Hung himself with dry ice. You know what I'm saying. Full stop. Do you think you can hang yourself with dry eyes? Yes, you can. That's actually the perfect crime. Although, you have to type it really well because it'll just evaporate while you're still asphyxiating. If it fails, what a stiff neck to just... So this one is, well, you know what? The way that they... Put their signature on this is Best Dragon Hobgoblin. So this is, I'll give credit to Dragon Hobgoblin for this. Not really a toughie, more of a warm-up, to be honest, but it's my favorite riddle. I have no hinges, key nor a lid, but inside me, a golden treasure is hid. What am I? Probably an egg. That's what I was going to guess, egg. Okay, so Adal says egg. TJ says egg. And Erin says yolk.

No, like the gold is the yolk.

Yes, the gold is the yolk. The answer to that one is egg.

You did it everybody. Let's head out.

Yoke. That's what we call my hometown, colloquially, around there. Oh yoke, we just call it, what up? Yoke. I'm nice. Yeah. Do you have, does Hingham have a?

No. Hingy? No. The Yam? People from other schools call us Blingham or Tsingham, because it's a rich town. But that's more mean than it is with my nickname. People should call it the Yam.

Like Lux, Lux Berry, or deluxe.

Deluxe Berry, yeah. This one is from Evan. Evan says, how do you have been enjoying your show? I have a ready for you, but it doesn't work on paper, so you'll have to know the answer. Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out. How? One died.

One drowned.

That's dark. Five heads go into a pool. Nope. Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out. How? And I guess Evan says that you're allowed to ask yes or no questions as well. Here's one of them a mermaid. So best case scenario, they're like five people jump into a pool, four come out, and they're like, yeah, well, your daughter was a mermaid, so she's alive and she's happy to see.

Although I do sincerely want to ask, do mermaids, are they like whales or dolphins? Do they come to the surface to breathe or do they have lungs or go?

Not real, Adal.

Who do you sincerely want to ask this question to?

Oh, Hans Christian Andersen. They can breathe underwater. Thank you. They don't have to surface. But the assumption is also that they live in an underwater kingdom, which is also unclear if that has its own closed ventilation system. Mermaids do not have to surface.

TJ took me seriously and I appreciate that.

Okay, cool. While we're pondering the answer to this, Riddle, I do want to see a scene. All right, we're going to see a scene, Adal and TJ, you are the lord and lady of the kingdom of the merpeople. So you two are the benevolent rulers. Erin, you are their daughter, and you have questions about the outside world and the land of the air breathers that you want your parents to answer.

Mother, father.

Yes, come swim closer.

What?

I was just asking her to swim closer.

Yeah, I know what.

Yeah, sweetie, what do you want? Your mom is very tired. She's had a long day. She was reeled in for 35 feet and then let go. What? A fisherman almost got your mom.

Hooked me. I got hooked.

She got hooked.

She got hooked? Mom, are you okay? Mom, you're bleeding. Yeah, right in there. She got me in the rib. I didn't eat it like some sort of savage. I got hooked by accident in the reed.

It was dragging and it hooked your mom.

Did they see you? I got trolled.

Did they what?

Did they see you? How did you get unhooked?

I wriggled. I wriggled until the hook, it was from a trowler.

Alright, well this is probably not the right day to ask this, but I was just wondering.

Do you have something to say to your mom first?

Mom, I'm sorry you got hugged.

Oh, you didn't have anything to do with it. Don't make her apologize for sorry. She already says sorry too much.

Okay. All right. That's fair. That's fair.

Please stop fighting. I don't want that to go away. This isn't a fight.

You haven't seen a fight before.

I'm just tired of this. Fine. Fine.

What's your question, sweetie?

I was just wondering if I can go to the circus.

You can go to the circus.

I just want to go to the circus.

You want to go to a circus.

I don't want to go to the circus. Well, maybe. I want to go to a circus, but I want it above ground.

What is the fascination?

Mom are you drunk?

I'm a lot, I'm doped up. I'm painkillers. I got hooked by a trowler.

I had to go above surface and leave our Atlantis town and go to a CVS to find some painkillers.

See this is the fascination. I want to do normal human people things. Like go to a CVS and then like think about getting a Snickers bar. You wouldn't survive a CVS.

It's not as glamorous as it sounds. I know the first time I heard CVS I was like, oh man, that must be wonderful. And it's not, I mean that what you can buy is... Band-aids and playing cards.

Yeah. And of course, CVS stands for Central Ventilation System. I presume, yeah.

You know what? I'm 18 soon, and I've got two parents who fight, and I don't even care. I'm going to the surface.

I think it's consumer value stores or something.

That sounds more likely. All right, so do we have an answer for this, Riddle?

We can't ask yes or no questions.

You can ask yes or no questions. I'll read it one more time. Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out.

Is it not a swimming pool? Is it some other type of pool? No. Okay. Are they their human heads?

Yes, they are human heads. Is the swimming pool full of water or empty? Yes.

I will say that the trick to this riddle is in wordplay. Four heads come out.

Oh, conjoined twins?

Is someone just still under the water?

Wait, wait. You think they're like drowning one of the conjoined twins?

Have you ever seen those conjoined twins where it's one head with two different bodies, they both share a head?

Oh, look at that Matt Damon movie. Is someone doing a handstand in the pool? No. Four heads. Four heads. Yeah, what we're actually saying is four heads, F-O-R-E heads, meaning that five people still come up, but only up to their four heads. Hope you like it. Hey Evan, we didn't. No Evan, we did like it. Thank you so much. You stumped us. You get the official stumped seal. Wait a minute. I just got it. You stumped us.

You said I got it. You stumped us. I said foreheads. You said I got it.

Evan you stumped the best.

We've never got a right answer on this show.

We'll be sending you a stump. That is a $500 stump. Alright, so email us back your mailing address and we'll be sending you a stop. Okay, so this is a riddle from, let's see if I, this, we'll just say Youssef. Wait, we'll just say Youssef? I'm going to say Youssef.

Does it say Cat Stevens?

Yeah, it's Youssef Islam, but he says, please, I'm going by this now. T for the Tillerman was one of my best albums, but now I'm changing my name. No, I just, I never do last names unless people specifically sign their last name, because like their email.

The way I knew that you were lying. A Japanese ship was en route in the open sea. The captain went for a shower after removing his diamond ring and watch on the table.

When he returned, his valuables were missing. The captain immediately called five suspected crew members and asked each one where and what he was doing for the last 15 minutes. The cook and a heavy overcoat. I was in the fridge room getting meat for cooking a meal. The engineer with a torch in hand. I was working on the generator engine. The seaman. I was on the mast correcting the flag which was upside down by mistake. The radio officer, I was messaging to the company that we were reaching the next port in 72 hours, which will be Wednesday morning at, uh, 10 hundred hours. Erin's eyes are closed. The navigator, or the navigation officer, I'm on Nightwatch, so I was sleeping in my cabin. After hearing all of this, the captain immediately identified the culprit. Who was it? I know it. Oh, okay, so Adal knows it.

I solved it, uh, I don't want to say what number it is, but I solved it very quickly. You solved it very quickly? I believe. I'm not 100% confident, but I'm 95% confident.

Okay, so if you just answer the riddles outright, the show ends and it comes from a screeching halt. So what Adal sounds like he's doing is bragging, but really what he's doing is allowing for some air to live.

I'm waiting for TJ to solve this so I can be like, yep, that was it. That's what I came to as well.

This is the egg riddle over again where it's egg, egg, then Erin says, the yolk? The yolk? The cook, I was in the fridge room getting meat for cooking a meal. The engineer, I was working on the generator engine. The seaman, I was on the mast correcting the flag, which was upside down by mistake. The radio officer, I was messaging to the company that we are reaching the next port in 72 hours, which will be Wednesday morning at 10 hundred hours. The navigations officer, I'm on the night watch, so I was sleeping in my cabin. After hearing all of this, the captain immediately knew the culprit.

Do some of these give an indication or clue that the one who is lying is lying?

Um, yes.

I mean, yes, that's the riddle. The answer is the first guy because nobody calls it a fridge room. Fridge room? Yeah. No, I think it's- I was in the fridge room! To me, Erin, it is the flag man, the masked man. Uh, flag man. Should I say what? He's a sea man. Should I give my- Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I believe it's the flag man because the Japanese flag is the same upside down as Right Side Up.

That was my thought. It's probably more significant than a red dot.

No, JPC, there is a red dot on your head. There is a sniper in the vicinity?

That brings us to my first red dot. You are correct. The thief is the seaman because the ship is Japanese, thus the flag mass would be a Japanese flag, which is exactly the same when turned upside down.

But are we to believe that all of these Japanese officers were speaking English?

I translated it all from Japanese. Is there a way for you with all sensitivity to read that in Japanese? Oh, yeah. And I refuse to do so. I could read it in there.

That's the correct answer.

I think they were all up to no good. I don't think any of these guys were supposed to be good.

Yeah, I think it's a murder on the Orient. Were they starting to get in trouble in the neighborhood? They all sounded a little unsure of their jobs.

Yeah, I was in the fridge room with my pink coat.

Yeah, I want to see a scene. Erin, you are the captain of a ship. We'll just say that there is no nationality to it. It's just a pirate ship. Makes it much fun. I guess pirates, do they have nationalities? Some more. Barbary. Yeah. So Erin, you're the captain of a ship. I did say captain, so we'll go with that. And JPC and TJ.

So she does have to be the captain? Yep, she's the captain.

Got it. JPC and TJ, five initials in total. You two will be, you are people who have come aboard the ship and you are trying to justify yourselves as crew members. Yes. Offering up a multitude, a litany of different jobs or titles.

Gentlemen, step forward.

Captain, you wanted to see us?

Yeah. Who the heck are you and what the heck are you doing here?

Oh, we're crew members on the ship.

Yeah, but the two of you don't walk with much confidence, and I just wanted to make sure what your deal was.

Well, if I haven't said this before, I'm Ron Durgis, and I was waxing everything, and that might have explained our cautious gait.

And I don't know, I guess it's, I maybe have not said this aloud before. My name is Tag Boflex and I am Tag Boflex and I am the meal operator on the ship. I operate the spoons to make the meals.

Okay. All right. Wait, so what's like a day to day for you? Like what do you do all day?

Okay. Uh, wake up at the crack of, Six one. Six one. Half a dozen of the other. First of all, as meal operator, I have to inspect all the spoons. Make sure no forks get in there. One fork can ruin the whole bunch. Stalers get stabbed. Prongs are bad. And I gotta walk slow.

Yup, because I'm up at the crack. I fall out of my bark head and... Rides up wax head. Yeah, I start melting tallow and, you know, because I'm taking that from soup to nuts. I start with pig fat on that and then I render it down to tallow and then I have to get that in a workable spot. So paraffin and such. And then I chip in with the spoon inspection if I have time while that's on the boil.

Well, I have a superpower of sorts. I can tell when someone's lying. And one of the things a person does when they're lying is they give too many details. To get to the bottom of this, I'm going to do some rapid fire questions.

Sure, yeah, no, no, no. That's smart.

Then let's get back to pirating.

We're still a little pirating, and we're really into doing that.

Let's just jump right into the questions. Let's see, how old are you?

16.

Where are we right now?

12.

What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Hammer.

Mexico. And are you two kids pretending to be adults because you want to be in a pirate ship?

Yes, man. Globe charter. Oh, I definitely want to see the captain with the super power to tell if someone's lying and like try and fight crime. It's like, my wife was murdered. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Was she really? Yes.

All right.

This one, these red dolls come from Matthew. Why do you say it like that? Oh, because there's multiple riddles. I had to scroll down to see that there were riddles. Matthew says, love the show. I came up with a few riddles you all might like below. The first one rhymes. The first one rhymes is in parentheses. Like I would, I would have fucked that up. Matthew, before I even read these riddles, I love that you wrote these yourself. So many people submit, like I said, the same riddle over and over again. So if you write them yourself, there's no way that anyone could have ever submitted it before.

It's good that he tells you in case one of the lines ends in like Polish or Polish, then you know that you're supposed to read it with the rhyming pronunciation. Would he call this homonym? Sure, he called them whatever you want, man.

You bet.

You can call Polish people whatever you want, really. Yes, TJ, now that I'm looking at this, he does use the word Polish a few times. No, he doesn't. Matthew, I'm sure you're a nice person and you're nice to the Polish. There once was a man who was Irish. Of course, he might have been Polish. Say you're a nice guy, wouldn't use the word Polish?

Is that what you were... It's not derogatory.

The way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the way he uses it, the I feel like this applies to, like, everything, but also, like, you could say Jew the wrong way. Oh yeah! Uh, the chest has a hinge and many lids, but no lock to hide what is hid. The treasure inside can't be felt to the touch, but within your eye, it's worth very much.

An egg.

Is it a fucking egg again? I think it is, right? It's not an egg, but that is a bad guess. Matthew, that's his words. Matthew says this is a bad guess. After I heard hinge immediately, I blanked out because I thought it was egg again. Can you reread it? Yeah, absolutely. This time, maybe pay attention the whole time. We'll see. The chest has a hinge and many lids, but no lock to hide what is hid. The treasure inside can't be felt to the touch, but within your eye is worth so very much. Piano. Yeah, you can't feel piano.

The chest has many lids.

I will say that the language, the language is very like, um, symbolic, but yeah. So don't get too bogged down in... it's a... Don't tell me whether or not to get bogged down.

I'll get bogged down if I fucking want.

That's a piano.

I'm a bogman.

You're saying that the language is symbolic?

Yeah, it's like a poetic. So it's not like a literal chest. To the eye, it's worth very much. Beauty? It's the love of your life. No, I will say that it's also not an intangible, like it's not a concept. It is something you can touch.

An egg.

Yes. Obviously, Erin, did you say egg?

Yeah, that's correct. For listeners, no matter what Erin answers, we're going to keep splicing an egg. So if you just heard her say egg, she said something else, but we're going to keep editing in her saying egg. The chest has a hin- it has a hinge.

And many lids. And many lids. But no lock to hide what is hid.

Don't like reptiles eyes have several lids? Oh, oh yeah. Is it a gecko?

No, but what you said is true. So it's a good fact about reptiles.

Does the answer have the word chest in it? Should we embed chest in something?

No. Okay. But you could embed the answer in your chest. Okay. It's doing hard enough. What did you say? Is it a curse word?

No, is it a person? Is it a curse word? Can I swear?

Please, can I swear? The answer is a fuck. It's not a person, no. And you said they were Polish? This person is Polish, yeah. Matthew, that's probably not a Polish last name, so no.

Could you give us a hint that you think of right now?

The chest has a hinge of many lids, but no lock to hide with his head. Many lids, it could have... Oh, it's a mall.

It's one of those hat stores at the mall.

It could have, um, does it have a lot of eyes? And therefore many lids?

Does it have a lot of eyes? Oh, is that potato? Depending on how you look at it, this could have thousands of eyes. Depending on how you look at it, it could have thousands of lids. Like a potato? No. It has many lids. I would say... A camera? No, not a camera.

What's the key word here? What word should we focus on?

I think he said lids, right? So it has a hinge and many lids. If you think of a lid as something that is like closing something in, why would something have... And when I said many lids, it could probably have hundreds of lids. It's like a parfait?

100 layer parfait.

I feel sick. No, it's not a parfait. The treasure can't be felt to the touch, and you have to use your eye to get the value out of this. You can feel it, you can touch it, but you won't get the value.

But to look at it is to get the true value.

Yes, if you're not using your eyes. Arby's?

Yeah.

It's our beans. Once you eat it, you order it, you order the beef and cheddar, you put it in your mouth and you're like, this wasn't worth it. Glasses? No, but glasses would help you with this thing. Depending on your eyesight. Specifically, if you're, what is it, nearsighted? Is that the one where you have trouble seeing things close to you? That's what I think when you can. That's farsighted.

Oh, is it a book? It's a book! It's a book.

Yeah.

I really like this one. Many eyes.

Not yet. What are all the lids? So the lids like the back and front cover? No, the lids are the pages. It has a hinge and many lids because each one that opens up opens up more information inside of them.

Honestly, congratulations Erin, but I don't know if I think of pages of lids. You can get away with leaves.

Not to ream this guy, but... Break the rhyme, say hinge and many leaves. Alright, let's reread it with the hinge and many leaves and then rhyme it the rest of the way out.

The chest is a hinge and many leaves, but no lock to hide what is... Christopher Reeves. Yes, there we go. I would have gotten it right away. Yes, the answer is a book. Okay, this is the next one, also from Matt, Matthew. Susie sits down to take an exam. Susie realizes that the best way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her. What exam is Susie taking? Noziness.

Driver's exam.

Eye test. Yes, Erin, but why?

Because, well, I don't want to ask me questions.

No, you have to know why.

Because she's giving the test. I have never cited a source for any paper I've ever written that I'm not going to start now.

Stolen valor, stolen valor. Susie sits down to take an exam. Susie realizes that the best way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her. What exam is Susie taking? So it is driver's test?

Yeah, and she's like looking at the cars next to her.

Yes, thank you. That's all I was asking.

Oh, I could have done that. So it's her looking at the car as they go by?

Yeah, the only way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her. When you're driving a car, you're supposed to be looking at the people.

You think the way you drive a car is to look to your left out the window at the cars passing you by?

Like, yeah, you have to have an awareness of the other cars on the road. Alright, go for it.

TJ, you are a driver's ed teacher, and JBC, you are just a shit kid who's so bad at driving, and your patience is running thin.

Alright, why don't we try it one more time and when I say ease out just yeah I mean if you want a license yeah we got okay all right Ryan now just ease out of the parking lot and get out of the car

You want me out of the car? How am I going to pass a driver's test if I'm out of the car? Guys, am I crazy here? Sorry, I brought my boys with me. No, you're not crazy. This dude fucking sucks.

This dude sucks. What are you, like 31? Look at this fucking grandpa.

I'm 59 and here we go.

Okay, so I'm staying in the car.

I'm so sorry, sir. No, it's all right. 31, that's... Can I have a Werther's? Yeah, have as many as you want to. Where are you finding those? You don't have to ask me. You can have as many as you want to. At home we ask. Alright. I want you, Ryan, and the car to ease out of the parking lot. What do I put it in? Okay. Fuck this.

Ryan, do that thing where the car spins and spins.

Ryan, do you want a license? Do you want the freedom of having your own set of wheels and being able to drive whenever you want to? I think he's coming on to you. No, no, I'm not. I really am.

Oh shit, this is my moment. Stop! Stop, my boys. Can I be honest with you, sir? Yeah. I have a personal driver because my dad invented Pizza Hut. And so, if I have to get my own car, then I have to drive myself. If I fail this driver's test, I can keep my personal driver for as long as I want. You're Ryan The Hutt-Hutnansky? Yes sir, I'm a Hutnansky. Your dad's Paul The Hutt-Hutnansky? Technically, he did change his name to Pizza Hut.

And I'm Colton Domino's.

And my name's John John. Guess who my dad is? Your dad?

Papa John?

No. Long John Silver? Yeah. Carl Caesars. Hey, teach real quick. It's good improv to deny a gift, right?

All of it.

I think I said no for any time.

When you gave me that good gift and I said no, I'm not out of Caesars. Please, please do. Please do. I think I did say nothing but know the whole problem.

I couldn't come on to the kid. I couldn't do it.

It wasn't what I was doing.

No, you were correct. Kevin Sr. and Kevin Jr. are at the hospital. More Kevins. Yeah. There's only two names in this. It's Kevins and Susie's. Kevin Sr. and Kevin Jr. are in the hospital with head injuries from a bar downtown. The next day the bar is torn down. What happened?

They fought so hard they wrecked the place. It was the bot so hard they wrecked the place. That's a lyric, right? It's Thin Lizzy.

Yeah. You gotta fight so hard that you wreck the place to par.

Sure, we'll go with that answer. Was it like just like a rebar or like a bar, not a bar drinking establishment, but just like some sort of metal bar that was sticking out?

The bar is a literal metal bar that both Kevin's bumped into and so was taken down to prevent further injuries. All right. Matthew says, keep up the great work. I'll also keep you updated or posted on any workplace disputes. Oh, that's a bit that we haven't revisited many a week.

I was going to say the bar was the set of cheers and it was the end of the series.

JPC, of course, our listeners know that anytime you send in your own riddle that rhymes, we will give you a thank you that rhymes. So let's go ahead and do that.

That will come from Adal this time?

Yes, it will. It's Adal's turn. Matt, we want to thank you for writing in. We hope that you didn't use a pin. Of course we solved without fail. Thank you, motherfucker for that email.

AABB Rime is fine, right?

That's fine with me.

And just in the future, if he does write anymore, he should just cut the shit with the Polish stuff. You know what I mean?

It was kind of like, you saw them anyway, but yeah, it's kind of messed up. We got a Jagodowski answering these riddles.

Yeah, with the podcast we're trying to turn a new lid and do away with the riddle.

Yes. And with that in mind, I think that we should all return to one of my favorite segments on the podcast. We take a break, we take a break. We'll be right back.

Alright kids, time to go to bed.

We don't want to go to bed. We want to eat ice cream and stay kids forever.

Well that's not how staying a kid works. Eating ice cream doesn't keep you a kid. Don't explain to me how to be a kid!

And yeah, I don't want to go upstairs to our dumb old stupid mattresses. They're dumb old and stupid.

I hate our mattresses. Alright. They're cheap and you're cheap. Your point is made. Now I want to tell you a little nursery rhyme. Okay. Okay. I'm listening. This is a thing I love. Once upon a time, there was a mother who was sick of her kids not going to sleep. So what she did is she went to helixsleep.com slash riddle, and she took their two-minute sleep quiz, okay? When she took that quiz, filling it out, they matched her to a mattress that will give her kids the best sleep of their lives. So upstairs, I've taken away the old mattress that we all hate, and I put in a helix sleep mattress.

Wait, your story was about us the whole time?

Yes incredible and are you telling me did you get money off of your mattress because you used that exact code the code that is Riddle?

Why are you talking like that?

Why are you talking like that?

Why are all of us talking like this? Oh, is this an ad?

It's $125, your mattress order?

Kids pack a bag. We're fictional characters in an ad. Pack a bag. We're leaving.

Bring the mattress. Bring the mattress. Wait, we're in an ad? So you're saying that I'm not a little kid. I'm not a side sleeper slash hot sleeper slash like a plush or firm bed. And with Helix, there's no more guessing or confusion. Oh my god. What is reality? Oh my god, Greg.

Erin, you're telling me you can split a mattress down the middle and have the sleep needs be specific on each side?

Emily, I am. I am. Okay, I think we're getting at this. I think what we're understanding here is that we are not real, but what is real is this 10-year warranty. And the deep, deep discounts you get from using our code. You get to try it for 100 nights free. We will never have 100 nights because our lives are meaningless.

Oh man, I'm just gonna quickly go to Helixsleep.com slash Riddle and get $125 off another mattress.

If you can hear us, anyone, if anyone out there can hear us, live your lives, eat all the ice cream you want, stay young, stay kids forever, buy a Helix sleep mattress, you deserve it. We're stuck here, we're fictional characters.

Helixsleep.com slash R-I-D-D-O-E.

Why did I say that? Don't let the script in. Once the script ends, we die.

Oh, and we fell down well.

Welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle.

And we're back with more Riddies and puzzies and Kevin's and Susie's. JPC, what do we got for our next riddle? This one's coming in from Colton.

Colton writes, uh, you can see me.

Is it Colton Domino's? Cause I just used that name.

Is it Colton Cavanagh? Yeah, I guess we can introduce a segment where we just guess the person's last name. Thanks for watching.

I'll sue your ass to death in court. That was my favorite thing in where I went to like grade school or high school in Illinois was that every single exchange that got serious where somebody was like, fuck you. There would be no fighting, but everybody would just threaten lawsuits. We're like, I'll fucking sue you. My uncle's a lawyer. I'll fucking sue you.

And I'm like, what is this? This is insane. I tried to, when I was working at Second City, Dorf and I tried this scene that started with like, you know, F you, F you, F you, suck my dick. Oh, yeah, you don't think I will? Uh, yeah, do it. You're like, all right, you don't think I'll suck you dick? He's like, you don't suck my dick. And then we did a really realistic bro job. There was a small list backstage of stuff that people said like during that because the whole show you know the show was kind of tough but there were some nice scenes and so people kind of liked us and then this happened and so it was like Oh no, please stop. Like, why are you doing this? You had to see older ladies who were like, I like these guys and now they're doing this. Except they were all sex. What happened?

They were wrong. That's hilarious.

Was this a main stage show? It was an attempt at a main stage scene, yeah. How long did it run? Once.

I think we did it once in about eight minutes.

I think we did it like three or four times in the set and then we might have tried it once in the show and then it vanished for forever. When was the light pole at what point? Oh well after Dorf came. Well and I like and then there was just there was like a minute of silence because it was just it was me with my back to the stage so all you saw were like his hands gripping you know like gripping my shoulders he like leaned over to the side and kind of collapsed over me and then there was a good minute of silence where we just dealt with what the hell like our anger had led us to do it was basically because those like frat guys used to come in and like say shit you know and it was like when you asked for suggestions or something yeah or just like or just like say shit like oh fuck dude Yeah, fuck you, dude. And then it was like that bullshit posturing and shit like that. And so we just wanted to see if this male aggression was taken out to this end of calling a bluff to see what would happen to what your anger could lead you to. Your false or whatever bullshit anger could lead you to. So we just dealt with it for a minute. And then I don't even remember what the out was. It might have just been a slow fade on us. Or I think we ramped up the fight again.

This is wild because you only ran that a few times and only once on stage before it was cut, but that is the answer.

That is funny, we all do world news now, and it doesn't happen as much, but in the second half of world news we'll be like, we're gonna solve your problems. Ask us a question about a problem in your life. And we'll get people every once in a while, it used to happen more often, where instead of saying a question, they'll just be like, a guy in a dildo! Like they'll call for like scenes, like they want a specific scenario, and they're expecting a laugh because they're like, this is improv, that's where I shout out shit.

But all the time, it's just... Yeah, I mean, I'm always expecting the laugh. When I don't get it, I'm crushed. TJ, you were right, it is the sun. Is it? Yeah. Oh, nice. But if you touch me, you'll die. You can touch the sun, right? No. Okay. It's too far away. That's the only reason. I think we've done this one before, but it's a part of three questions in an email. What gets bigger the more you take away from it? A hole. A hole. And then this one, what goes up and never comes down? That deer that jumps.

The stock market, baby!

For those who can't see, TJ took his MAGA hat off and whisked it into the air.

Wept it around. And it froze like Mary Tyler Moore.

We're gonna make it a good truck. We're gonna MAGA after all. Yeah, it's the stock market. No, the stock market actually does go down. Oh. Yeah, that's a bummer. What?

Is it my confidence? My money.

What goes up? It never goes down. Erin, you know that's not true.

Oh, well, how dare you?

Your confidence flatlined years ago.

What goes up and never comes down? That's the only clue. That's the only clue that you get.

What goes up and never comes down?

Oh, it's got to be... Temperature, that's really great.

No, temperature goes back down. Oh, it's got to be age or time.

Yes, it is age. I guess up is a subjective way to look at that. I feel like I'm 30 years young.

But yes, morque for morque. That's true. Did he get younger? They aged backwards in Orc, I think. Because I think, wasn't Jonathan Winters his son? And Jonathan Winters like... Oh really? Started, I think so.

Yeah, yes.

And Jonathan Winters was started at like 70, or maybe he wasn't that old, but started at 60 and was aging younger.

There was maybe post-college, maybe like age 25, I found... Erin, you're like 25, right? No. I feel like I tapped into a vein of like... Erin told you her birthday with the year today, maybe hours ago. What am I, a fucking memory doctor? But I tapped into a vein of like, through whatever influences, peer influences, I tapped into a vein of like watching old Jonathan Winters videos, which if you haven't seen him improvising, it's like the most genius. I like him better than Robin Williams.

I think he's... It's way less man.

You're gonna think I like him better than you.

I would revise my statement, TJ's not the best.

Winters is the best. I'd watch Winters and then who's the guy, you might know his name, it's a guy who's to pretend to be drunk at like the Deed Martin roasts? Oh, um, yeah, Forest... But he would do, he would like roast somebody? Forest Whitaker? No. Yes. Forest Greg? Ghost Dog. But it's a guy who would pretend to be drunk at like the Dean Martin roasts, and it was, it's the funniest fucking thing you've ever seen.

Yeah, um, man, there is, it's, there's something foresty about his name. Um, he usually had the beard and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like cartoon hiccups, almost like bubbles coming out, you know?

I've watched that before.

Yeah. He's the funniest. Speaking of the funniest, this riddle comes to us from Ally. Ally writes, What has four letters, never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters. What has four letters, never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters. This one is a thinker. That's four letters. It never has five letters. Ali does include a clue, but I'm not gonna give you the clue because I think the clue just gives it away.

Is it like four and fourteen or something? Four and fourteen. I didn't do the math on that way.

But no, it's not. You do the math. I'm doing the Alfredo Olive Garden 2006. No, it's not fourteen. It's not four and fourteen. So it has to be... I mean it can't be the same word. Ally also says love the podcast so far. This is from August 6th. You guys crack me up.

I want to call a scene right now, and so this is a terrible, terrible idea for a scene, but I'm going to basically be like Pat Sajak, but we'll call it like Wheel of Guesswords, so that I'm not really Pat Sajak. And you guys are all contestants, and all I want you to do is roll the wheel, spin the wheel, ask for a letter, and then try and guess the puzzle. Okay. All right.

Mark, you're up. Cleveland is where I'm from. Pat. Four.

Let's see if we have any fours. Yep, we have two. We're gonna stop real quick and just let the contestants know that please do not call the host, Pat. You do have to call him Matt and his last name is BoJack.

I'm sorry, Matt. I'd like to spin again. Yeah. Do you want to say yes? Oh, there's two fours. Yeah. Four fast, four furious. Sorry. No? Okay. All right, Carol. Thanks for playing.

Hi, I'm Carol. I have three kids and I want to see a three.

Let's see. There is a three.

Okay, 443. Great guess.

So close, so close. Big money, big money. Okay, I'm from Cleveland. I want to let you know I am the first guy's brother. Here we go. Let me see. The first guy. Zero. Let's see if we have any zeros. Three zeros. What's that Billy Joel album? 43400 Ocean Drive? Wow, great guess.

No! I'd like to solve the puzzle. Go ahead.

And I'm over here in a dress How rich do you think she is?

How much do you think both of them make per episode?

I literally looked this up two days ago. Why? Because Jeopardy! is now on Netflix and so I watched all these episodes of Jeopardy! and I'm like Alex Trebek's been doing this for 35 years or something I'm like he's gotta be worth like a billion dollars so I looked up how much Alex Trebek is worth he's worth 50 million and he makes 10 million a year which doesn't Wow what's he blowing it on I don't know

What are you doing?

Honestly, trivia books.

My name's Alex Trebek and I crash airplanes into each other. For fun. That's my fun afternoon.

Of course the planes each cost about 150 grand, but then I had to pay the families of the pilots.

He's constantly like Brewster's millionaire in his life. I buy stamps and feed them to pigs and then I eat the pigs.

So there's nothing left.

I paid the Cubs to play me in a game of baseball.

I paid a linebacker $450,000 to beat the shit out of me.

Hey Riddle. To describe someone as pitiless is such a terrible thing. Honestly, I don't want to say this. It's rude, but she lives in a van.

Like many women, she gets paid in dresses.

When you said I'm over here in a dress, I thought you were saying I'm overhearing a dress. Like a dress is having a conversation.

Erin, the lead actress in 27 Dresses, do you know when she got paid?

27 dresses?

One dress?

Oh no! See, I bet if a man played that part, he'd make 27 dresses.

Yeah, who was the romantic co-star in 27 dresses?

James Marsden, and I know that, and I'm embarrassed.

Yeah, I think Marsden made like 40 dresses in that movie.

Holy crap. Wow.

Yeah.

Well, he was super dreamy. Don't mind if I do.

Don't mind if I do. Is that a romantic comedy? Erin.

I just looked at TJ as if he was going to write it.

TJ, you've been looking for that.

I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. This is going to be the two Bostonians. That's, I guess, not correct. What do you call somebody from... Masshole. Hole Joker? What would you call from Massachusetts in general? Massel. Massel? No, that's derogatory.

Wow, Adal, wow! Did he hear what he said?

I mostly just hear New Englander.

Okay, so you're two New Englanders. And so you're, please, as much or as little accent as you want to give. And the two of you are trying to spitball. You went to a pitch session at HBO for, what was it?

Don't mind if I do.

Don't mind if I do. So you went in for something else. HBO hated it, but they said we are trying to play with this property. Don't mind if I do. The property, of course, just being the name. So the two of you have five minutes to come up with a pitch for HBO.

All right. If Affleck and Damon can do this shit.

We got it.

We got this.

All right. A zoo.

A zoo?

What?

A zoo? Fuck you, dude. Is it animals?

I didn't say zoo.

Fuck off. What did you say?

You said zoo.

Oh, we're turning on each other. This is... All right.

Hot air balloon.

Hot.

Frickin' hot air balloon. Crescendo. Movie crescendos in a hot air balloon.

Okay. All right. Movie crescendos in a hot air balloon.

Yeah, like the fucking climax.

You know what's hot right now? Homosexuality. Donnie, don't do this.

It is hard.

Donnie, if you're gay, then you're gay. You just need to tell me. I'm not even talking about me.

I'm just saying it's hot right now. It's bankable. It's box office bank.

You're so in the closet right now. It's hurting me. Come on! Don't tell me that it's a fad. Don't tell me that it's cool. I love you. You're like my brother. If you're gay, then you're gay.

Okay, I'm sorry, we're going to stop you right there. So, so far the pitch is two homosexual balloons.

Yeah.

Yeah, we would have preferred you left the room, but since we heard it, we love it.

We walked back in here accidentally while we were brainstorming.

We slipped.

We were brainstorming. We got to walk and walk while we brainstorm.

Do you know what the H in HBO stands for?

Hello?

Why don't we leave it at that? Do you guys have an answer to this, Riddle? Four, never five, sometimes nine. What has four letters? Never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters.

Can you give us the smallest, just a touch of saffron of a hint?

No, but I will give you a big hint. Are they letters of the alphabet? The clue is this. This is not a question. This riddle is a statement. Sometimes. Some and sometimes. Hmm? Wait. No.

Wait, give us the hint that they gave us.

What's this in? It just says your ass. It just says it was sent, signed, sealed, delivered to your ass. This is from Ali. Ali? Ali, thank you so much.

I'll let you know. You are now my sworn enemy.

You fucking roasted Adal.

Until the day I die, I will track you down. There is not a town in the world you can hide from me from.

Holyoke. It's beautiful. Our town has tons of alleys.

Yeah, don't hide in New York. This one's from Bob from Boston. Isn't that fun? Bob. Bob says, I love this freaking podcast. I've hoped for a Riddle-themed podcast forever, but figured that if it ever did happen, it would inevitably be made by lame people, the target audience for Riddles. Classic roast, classic Boston roast.

But this starts with I was polishing my silverware.

But this podcast is freaking hilarious and terrific, so thanks. He is one of my riddles. Agnes is on trial for murdering her sister's husband. The judge is convinced that Agnes is guilty and should be punished for her crime, but he decides that it would be unfair to send her to prison. Why? She's about to die. She's about to die. The judge is about to kill her. He's like, can't send you to prison. She's a horse. Yes, Erin. Thank you. Explain. No.

Okay. Let's see.

That did happen though.

Yeah, dead stop. In like the 1600s, there was like a pig who killed somebody and they put it on trial, found it guilty, and then were like... So, Agnes is on trial for murdering her sister's husband.

So, she's on trial for killing another horse? Oh, back then you could marry a horse or pig. Okay. Erin, we're going to see a quick scene. Let's see. TJ, you're going to play the judge. Adal, you are going to play the defense attorney. You are defending Erin. Erin is a talking horse on trial for killing a man that she catfished into marrying her. And I'll just be the bailiff.

Counselor, I'll briefly entertain your motion and then we'll continue onwards.

Your Honor, my client is a whore. Are you making fun of me? No, no. Your Honor, if this man is making fun of you, the bailiff will surely take care of him.

Your Honor, my client I accidentally hurt someone. Now, is my client sorry? No. My client is very sorry. But hey, it's for horses. And by hey, I mean habeas corpus. Excuse me? Habeas corpus. I was helping you. Give me back my index cards. You dropped it on the floor. Habeas corpus is for horses. Say that ten times first. I don't have to.

Now Judge, you can't make me do stuff. I'll make you do stuff. Turn about this fair play, Judge. You make him say all this, you should have to say something he say.

I'll do it like three times. Tavis Corpus is for horses. Tavis Corpus is for horses. Tavis Corpus is for horses.

God, I love you, Judge. Judge rained it in. But Your Honor, this horse is a breeding horse. So this horse lives a life of novelty and of sexual behavior.

Ma'am.

Judge, please.

May you are entitled, if you care to, to represent yourself, if you would want to.

I would just like to get a new lawyer, one who doesn't.

A new lawyer?

One who isn't pun-based.

This one does feel a little bit lousy with puns.

Your Honor, the horse is also the male. It holds no official title, but it's the male.

You know, Adal, this whole case stinks of full play.

Do you have, does anyone have any more? Or can we continue?

If you want to represent yourself, you'll be in shit land.

I'm still listening. I'm sure you have more of your sleep.

Would the court stenographer just read back? All the non-pun stuff that has been said during the last few minutes.

It's mostly just those and ends.

The female stenographer needs to gallop. I hate you! Oh boy.

Uh, no. Agnes is not a horse. That's a really good guess, Erin. Can you read it one more time? Um, yes. Agnes is on trial for murdering her sister's husband. The judge is convinced that Agnes is guilty and should be punished for her crime. But he decides that it would be unfair to send her to prison. Why?

Because the sister's husband was a bad person.

Yeah, sister's husband, bad guy beat sister.

Um, I have some clues for you.

Is the prison part what would be unfair? It would not be unfair to punish Agnes in some other way.

Correct, but it would be unfair to send Agnes to prison.

Is it because everybody hated the guy who died?

No, that doesn't have anything to do with it. And Agnes did commit the crime.

Because he worked at the prison.

Yeah, so you can't go to her's work.

He didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings.

What a big loophole. If you kill a prison guard, you can't go to that prison.

Because it's too driving a big crime.

It is the perfect crime. Oh, I know.

Oh, Adal knows. Happy day.

And it harkens back to a joke I made previously. It does. Which is, her and her sister are conjoined twins. Yes! It does! You've been ba ba ba ba.

You've been joking at the beginning of the episode. I was like, I think that this is a great one to end on. Because yes, Agnes and her sister are conjoined twins. It would be unfair to send her to prison because then her sister would also be going to prison.

And GPC, can you say the correct answer again, but say twins correctly?

Yes, it would be unfair because Agnes and her sister are and twins and conjoined twins

He used to love songs!

She used to love songs!

What is the story behind this? Why is she killing him? And why didn't the sister? The sister should go to jail too because couldn't she have stopped her?

She's there when he's getting murdered. This will be our final scene before we wrap up the episode. I want to see a final scene. Let's have JPC and Erin are going to be conjoined twins. Teed you're going to be the spouse of one of these twins. We'll find out who. And this is moments leading up to the murders.

And you know what Vivian, if I want to take a couple of my hot air box and make a couple of sports bets, then I'll be god damned if I can't drop 50 on the Pacers. Oh god.

Oh you know what? You know what you could do with that money? I don't know, feed our kids, buy me something every once in a while.

You know what I did with some of my sweet ass winnings? Bought your sister a little repair kit for her Walkman.

Oh God. Oh yeah.

She just keeps playing the same part of the song over and over.

It's like she doesn't know the rest of the song.

I swear to God she sings it better than Dido. Oh no.

No one sings it better than Dido. How dare you go after Dido like that. How could you?

You know what?

You know what?

I'm out of here. No! You can't go nowhere! I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now. I'm leaving right now.

I'm leaving right now.

Jesus Christ, you got anything other than Band-Aids and playing cards?

Seasonal candy?

Yeah, all they have is Band-Aids, playing cards, and seasonal candy. Thanks again, Bob from Boston, for sending in that riddle to us. And that brings us to the end of today's episode. TJ, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you for being around you guys.

My pleasure.

Thank you. Do you have anything in particular that you would like to plug?

Oh no. Oh hey if this does come out in April we might be doing a show called Trios at I.O. where it's a trio of scenic improvisers and a trio of musical improvisers. Julie Nichols usually on piano, Brother John on bass, and we'll have a horn player more than likely on either trumpet or saxophone. And we're just trying to mess around with the ways that we could have a conversation back and forth between a trio of scenic improvisers and a trio of musical improvisers. Yeah, I like it. It's really good. And even if the improvisation, the scenic improvisation is terrible, then the music is really fun. And it's as enjoyable to watch musicians improvise and come together and find their own rhythm as it is to watch that happen with scenic improvisers.

Do you know any of the improvisers?

Oh yes, I'm sorry. It's Billy Bungeroth, Emma Pope, and myself.

And it's called Trios? Yep. And so people can probably go to the IO Chicago's website if you're interested and look at like the dates that that is possibly absent.

It'll run through once a week through April and then the first two weeks of May.

And if I may say, a lot of our listeners are curious about improv in terms of getting into it. And I read your, you wrote a book on improv. Dave and I did, yeah. Improvising at the Speed of Life.

Improvization at the Speed of Life, the TJ and Dave book, I believe.

Check that out if you're interested in doing improv. That's an incredible book to start with. Or if you're interested in reading books. Either one of those things. Flipping through the pages. It's only about 180 lids. Where can people find that scene of you and Kevin Dorff? In their fever nightmares.

In the depths of YouTube.

I do want to mention that we do have a we have our second ever live show coming up. We'll be coming to LA. I guess it's a Hollywood, California proper. We'll be coming to the Hollywood improv. This is going to be Sunday May 12th, which I believe is Mother's Day. It is Mother's Day. So grab your mommy's... No? It's mother's night. Oh yeah, come celebrate mother's night. Because it's mother's night! Congrats you guys, that's great. But we'll be there May 12th in LA at 7.30pm at the Hollywood Improv, so buy your tickets now. You can grab those on Ticket Web and we hope to see you there, so please check that out. We also have new merch in our merch store. You can go to Tea Public to check that out. Some new items by Ray Glass and Emily Cardamas. So check that out. Please leave us some reviews or ratings on iTunes. Check out our Patreon. And I also, I don't think we ever mentioned it, but somebody got a Hey Riddle Riddle tattoo. Oh yeah. And we definitely want to encourage that.

Yeah, it's not like the logo. It's like a canoe dog tattoo.

So if you, which was incredible, so if you get a Hey Riddle Riddle tattoo, one, we're so sorry. We'll be so weirded out by that. Please email it to us so we can give you a shout out. Erin, anything to plug?

Just follow me on Instagram at erinkeif10 and I'll plug my shows there.

And you can follow me at Twitter, jpsofly, or Instagram, at sharkbarkman. I will be posting pictures of my dog Spaghetti until one or both of us are dead.

And Erin, that horse you played earlier in court, of course that horse's name was... Jupiter. Bye forever.

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. That was a hate gun podcast.