Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Rooze your own adventure. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And we are the Groot Groot. And we are defenders of the puzzleverse.

We are Kevin, Kevin, and Susie. Susie. We are three mental patients.

We're okay. We're okay.

We're okay. We're okay. And let's all look at each other. Let's all look at each other and let's do our affirmations for each other. I'm good enough.

You're doing yours for you?

We're doing these for each other, our affirmations for each other. Okay. Adal, you're a pile of dog shit.

Okay, good. Erin, I constantly want to smell your hair.

Oh, I don't love it, but I definitely don't hate it.

And you're a pile of dog shit.

JPC, people don't hate you as much as you think they do. They definitely hate you, but not as much as you think they do.

Alright Erin, you ready for this? The other day I thought I saw you, but it was a shovel full of loose bees.

Loose for what? Just scattered assorted bees.

Yeah, that makes sense. You're the type of personality that instead of saying permission to come on board, you would say permission to come, I'm bored. Yes, yes, yes. When going onto a ship.

When going onto a ship, yes.

Adal? You're... Hold on, I got one. No, no, no.

Just look at Adal.

You can come up with a million of these, just look at him in his eyes.

His little beady shark eyes.

Adal looks like he's about to talk to you about something. I got you! I got him good!

I feel beat up.

What do you two do for self-care?

Watch TV.

That takes spaghetti on a long walk. The winter time sucks because all the self-care stuff that I like to do involves being outside. And Chicago has six months of winter and so it's just like that part is kind of a bummer. I will say that I'm looking for a new place and one of the criteria for the new place is like a big bathtub. I want one of those like Whirlpool baths because I love Whirlpool. I love taking baths, but my bathtub, my current apartment just kind of sucks.

I'm a bath gal myself.

Do you do a bath bomb? Some Epsom salts? Some chili powder?

I need to buy some Epsom. Yeah, do some chili powder. I hate it because it stings my penis. I'd buy 100 bath bombs every day if I could. I love it. I'll frickin' love it. What about you, Adal?

I like to read for some self-care and then travel like anytime I can get get away to another state or country I like to do that.

What are your Myers-Briggs? Do you know if you're an introvert or an extrovert?

I'm an incel?

I'm a proud boy.

I've taken it a few times and it's like I can't remember what it was.

I'm an introvert, I'm an INFP, if people are interested. I'm definitely an introvert, definitely need to be alone.

Yeah, I can't remember what my Myers-Briggs is at all.

I feel like I am one of those people that gains energy from being alone, like I recharge by being alone, but I don't mind being around people, but I don't need to be like the center of attention.

Yeah. For a Patreon episode, you two should take the Myers breaks on the Patreon.

I feel like I've taken it for work, like at least two places that I've worked. But yeah, I just don't remember when. I've taken so many of these because there's like, there's a thousand different types of these, like a questioner, whatever that one is, I've taken that one.

We'll do an episode where we do Myers-Briggs. We'll find out what our Patronus is. We'll find out which Gilmore Gill character we are. Yeah, Sorting Hat. JBC, you had an impression on the Sorting Hat the other day and it went a little something like this. Let's see.

Let's see. Okay, Erin Keif. You know, everything in my body wants me to scream Hufflepuff. Oh, but you have, you do have brown hair, so I guess that's kind of Ravenclaw. Let's see, what's in your pocket? So taffy, lots of taffy.

Right back in the... I thought this was becoming like a Mastercard commercial. I was like, what's in your wallet?

Right back in the Hufflepuff territory. Let me, let me ask you this. Do you have a heart that is good and can you do the right thing even when the odds are against you?

Not often.

Just kidding. Huffled Puffs! No! This was a Hufflepuff. Wait, wait, wait. A second opinion here. Let me dig into this brain. Also, these sorting pants. I do not endorse these sorting pants or the method. On here is the Jupiter, of course. But you are courageous. Better be my wife. Okay, that's why we don't let the pants do the sword.

I'm a frickin' Slytherin. I'm an INFP Slytherin, you jerks.

I'm a Ravenpuff. I'm a Slytherin for sure.

I'm a Slytherin, maybe a tiny bit of Hufflepuff thrown in there, but I'm definitely a Slytherin. You're definitely a Slytherin.

Oh, I'm definitely a Slytherin.

You're, you have a little Slytherin in your butt.

My big problem with those movies is Malfoy didn't go far enough.

Oh, he did just fine. He lived, didn't he?

Yeah, the boy who lived.

Honestly, best characters? Dursleys.

I don't think so. They had it right. My Harry Potter character based on my Myers-Briggs type is Luna. Lovegood. I could see that. Use that information.

I could see that. I took the Pottermore thing and I'm definitely a Slytherin, but did you guys do the one with your Patronus? Yeah. Mine's a horse being fucked by a bear. Oh, wait. Mine's a bear.

Not a bear being fucked by a horse.

No, no. The horse is given just enough. Well then I disagree.

I've always seen you as a bear being fucked by a horse. Mine's a greyhound being fucked by JPC. A bus. Yeah, the bus.

And by fucked I mean... Yeah, you're gonna take me from Portland, Maine to New York City in a long time.

Cash, grass, or ass.

Everybody gets arrived. Who's our old man, Petronas? Oh, that's me. I'm old man Petronas for this episode.

Old Slytherin, JPC.

Just a classic Slytherin. People who didn't know me would be like Slytherin. Just from looking at me.

It's because you look like a young handsome Alan Rickman.

It's because, and I do get a little bit of a Rickman resemblance, but I think also it's because of my parcel tongue. Which is when you go down on a snake. Erin, do you want to see how to go?

Yeah, show me. Oh, he's doing it! It looks like he's smoking a bomb.

While jerking it off. And of course, when you do that, then you say, thank you, Snake.

Thank you, Snake. I am so glad I did that silently because I could have made some pretty sloppy noises. Yeah, I'm glad you restrained yourself, too. Yeah, I have a picture of restraint. And the picture's like, restrain those guys. Oh boy. Are you guys ready for some warm up riddles? Love it. Let's do it. Wow. Okay. Erin's in love with this. Why don't you marry it?

I tried. It said no.

Okay. I think part of me thinks that we've done this one before. Okay. So we may have. Great. We'll get to this point. We'll accept it and move on. What runs around the whole yard without moving? Fence. Fence. Correct. The answer is a fence.

A dog who's on a skateboard.

What was that? Pucci, the Simpsons character? We did that for the Halloween episode, but it was like what runs around a cemetery without moving?

Five apples are in a basket. How do you divide them among five people so that each person gets an apple, but one apple remains in the basket?

Five people... No! No!

There's five apples. There's five apples and five people. You have to divide them so that each person gets an apple, but one apple remains in the basket. I know the answer.

One person keeps the basket.

Yeah. Yeah. It's Green Day basket case. It's actually, it's actually Dookie.

Oh, snakes and apples. Now we're back. It's full circle. Adam and Eve?

Yes. You say Adam and Eve? I'm sorry, it's not Adam and Eve, it's Adam and Steve in my Bible.

I'm sorry. I messed up.

I do a Bible but Gay.

Bible but Gay.

Yeah, my whole Bible but Gay. What's at Lifeguard's favorite game?

See how close they can get to drowning before you pull them back over to the living side.

It's called edging. It's called edging. Lifeguard's favorite game is edging. Play God.

Work with other lifeguards. Get as tan as you can. Be ready to go back to your sophomore year of college.

Tan as well. Okay, I have to see a scene. Adal and Erin, you are both lifeguards. The beach is chaos, but you only have eyes for each other.

Sup Tiffany.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.

The sun.

So cool. Your sunburn's getting worse. It's been pretty sweet tan.

Yeah, it started to peel, but since the tattoo I got is new, I think it looks kind of cool. It's kind of faded. Yeah, you're very appealing. I got that Blink 182 tattoo. What? I got that Blink 182 tattoo.

What's it say?

Blink 182.

Oh, not even a lyric?

I've never heard the songs, I just like the name.

Oh, very cool.

And I feel like I'm a very blinky person.

Oh yeah, you totally are.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, those beautiful eyelashes.

Yeah, I like to strut my stuff, eyes-wise.

Can I tell you something? That whistle looks so good. You were wearing that whistle, that whistle is not wearing you.

Shut up. Are you joking?

Did you hear my appealing joke from earlier? I'm a pretty funny dude, right?

Sorry, can you just swim to shore? Thank you. Did you say I think there's a shark? Wouldn't that be crazy?

You're supposed to punch it in the nose. Yeah, but I would even go one step further.

That's crazy. You tear up your arm. Robert, you're being insane.

I'm being insane?

You have like four abs. That's insane. Isn't that crazy?

How did you get that? Yeah, I'm trying to work on five and six, but they're kind of hiding. Yeah, my older brother has an eight pack, so it's pretty rough at home for me, but I'm trying my best. Hey, excuse me.

I never do this. I'm a shark from the ocean.

Oh, did I hear you on Magic Tavern?

I don't know what that is. Sounds fucking stupid. Anyway, I've been there. I'm eating kids. I'm having a great old time, but I can't help but see, but I can't help but noticing. Fine. You two are crazy about each other. What? Shut up. You're freaking nuts for each other.

Shut up.

And it doesn't take a shark to see that you guys want to chime down on each other. How much longer do you have out of water? Oh, well.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

That nice man was right. Was that a man, right?

I think so.

God, I can only look at you.

The first thing I said was I have a shark.

Sorry, you made your point.

Well, I put on my hat, pick up my cape. Can I ask you something?

Will I marry you?

Do you want to be my wife?

See!

Alright, so do you have an answer to that Riddle? What Riddle? It's one person holds the basket. What's a lifeguard's favorite game? Dunk. Dunking.

Dunking.

Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk.

Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk.

Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk. Dunk.

I bet it's something to do with water. It's not. I bet it's something to do with no running.

Sorry.

Sorry. Your kid drowned. What is a doctor's favorite board game? Sorry. Your husband's dog.

Operation. Operation, yeah. That's someone fucking up an opera.

I couldn't remove the butterfly from your husband's stomach. It was one of those Silence of the Lambs butterflies that was poisonous. It was water in the knee. Operation. No, Lifeguard's favorite game? Lifeguard's favorite game.

Give us a hint. Billiards. Pool. What a hint. Wait, I thought you said board game. No, just a favorite game. You heard what you wanted to hear. You fool. You fucking fool. Three lives have I. Gentle enough to soothe the skin. Light enough to caress the sky. Hard enough to crack rocks. What am I?

Water.

Yes. It's water diamonds. Cool. Diamonds are a girl's best water.

That sounds like a perfume commercial. What is water but also diamonds?

If you're a girl drink diamonds. Water is for diamonds.

Your pee and your sweat smells so good. Like diamonds. Water and diamonds.

I'm diamonds, I am water. Alright, one more, ready? This is your last Hormone.

Wait, what was the answer? Water.

Because of its three forms, I have three lives. A pretty thing am I, fluttering in the pale blue sky. Well, wow. And Erin, you look a lot like Julia Roberts. Had a really bad day. A very pretty thing am I, fluttering in the pale blue sky. Delicate, fragile on the wing. Indeed, I am a pretty thing. Mark here.

Erin Brockovich, more like Erin Keif looks bad.

More like Erin Keif, that witch.

Do I have a popsicle?

What?

I need to pick me up.

I need to pick me up. Okay, yes, the answer is a popsicle. No, it's a butterfly correct Adal. You won the big prize. And Adal, do you... And Erin, tell him what he's won.

You get to stay on this show another seven minutes.

What do we got for our main rids? Oh, you guys ready for your main course? You hungry little children?

Are you ready to eat?

We are going back to a book that we've all hated before. Oh no. No, no, no. It's not our friend... The Bible? The Bible. Although I did pick pull out the Bible because I'm going to swear you both in as... That's the first time pull out and Bible has been used in the same sentence. Pull out. I've got to get... pull out and cum on my Bible. We've all been in the hotel. Alright. The title of this riddle is, What Drained the Battery? By the way, this is not one of Nathan Levi's stories with holes. Walter forgot to allow for the slowness of traffic in the rain and was late for work. He hurriedly drove into the parking lot, parked, turned off the windshield wipers, jumped out of his car, slammed the door, and ran for the main entrance. That evening he could not get the car started. The battery was dead. He got a jump start from a coworker, drove home, and used his battery recharger to put a good charge on the battery. But despite careful testing, he never found out why the battery went dead. Can you? Windshield wipers left on?

Yeah.

Your guess is windshield wipers left on because... Did that kill a battery? No, they stopped. Walter forgot to allow for the slowness of traffic in the rain and was late for work. He hurriedly drove into the parking lot, parked, turned off the windshield wipers, you idiot, jumped out of his car, slammed the door shut, and ran for the main entrance.

When he slammed the door shut, something broke and water got in.

It was his penis. He slammed... Yikes! This one does have clues, if you'd like some clues.

You have to read the clues as if you're a character from the movie Clue.

Okay, I'm gonna read the clues like I'm a peon from Worldcraft. When Walter returned to the car, was anything switched on or the hood open?

You're just being Ringo.

No. Had anyone been in the parking lot since Walter parked his car and ran inside? Yes. Somebody had been in the car? Had anyone been in the parking lot since Walter parked his car and ran inside? Yes. Did Walter like his car? No.

Well, because somebody was inside. Yeah.

Someone took it for a ride.

Oh, the car was Ferris Bueller, day off, right around.

The car was Ferris Bueller, day off, run around.

I cannot believe I'm the only one who gets full stops, dead stops.

I'm dead. I must be full stop. I'll be full stop. So Adal HARD stop. Can you believe Aaron just went on that whole thing about hard stops, dead stops, and full stops?

Hey Adal. Full stop on JPC. Can you believe he exists?

Hey JPC. I think Aaron's dead. Oh God. Stop poking your body. Oh she's alive. Put that stick down.

Adal, I have some great news for you. You are correct. Headlights? Walter in a rush forgot to turn off the headlights. No one else entered the parking lot until lunchtime when managers customarily went out to eat. Oh, so this is the time when managers go out to eat? Customarily. One of them turned off Walter's headlights, although by then the battery didn't have enough power to start the engine.

And that inspired that man was Jacob Dillon. Would you? If you were out in the parking lot I would never turn off somebody else's. I would never try and open somebody's car to turn off that.

That's insane. Even if it was at work, even if I knew whose car it was, I would maybe go back and be like, hey, by the way, what's this manager's eat off campus thing? If you're a good manager, you should eat with the people. You should eat with the people that you manage.

Okay, let's see a scene. Erin, you're a manager. JPC, you're a regular employee. Okay. And you happen to share the same table because the manager's trying to eat with the people.

Friday afternoon and I just, just, just, just, just got takeout. Is this seat taken?

Uh, no Denise. This isn't taken, but, uh, you sure you want to sit with us?

Yeah. Oh man. I got my lunch here. I got my best buds here with me too. What are we chatting about?

Uh, Oh, my, um, my cousin is dead.

This guy, it's jokes all the time. We call you jokes, right everybody?

We call him Marcus. But your- Does someone call me jokes? Uh, yeah, I mean no Denise, no one- Is this because- Call me Denise, cause I'm Denise's boss. Okay, Denise. And I'm called Jokes. Hold on, hold on, Marcus. Denise, we all noticed that you stopped wearing your wedding ring to work a couple days ago.

Oh, wouldn't it be nice if my husband had left me? It would be nice. Did you just say the letter D and then 3? You could have just said 3 kids. He's really shoe-torn in his D. I mean, D nice I was willing to let go because it was funny. Listen, D3, what is this the mighty does? Wow, that's pretty good.

Jokes, have you ever thought about doing stand-up?

Thought about that. Did. Failed.

Does anyone want my yogurt? It's not my favorite flavor.

What flavor is it?

Uh, but just kidding. It's just plain vanilla. It would be real de-nice of you if you had my yogurt.

Marcus's cousin actually died eating a butt.

Okay, okay.

Well, I'm sorry. That's some poor taste. And so is eating a butt.

It would be pretty de-nice if I got an email about this so I could be more sensitive.

See? I'm going to de-go.

I'm going to de-go.

De-nice enough.

It's not deliveries. It's de-go. It's de-nice. It's de-nice. De-nice-a-living.

All right, you ready for this one? This one's called Safe Smash Up. A car slowly started to move forward, then it picked up speed.

Very cool.

Wow! This brings us to Erin's burn corner, where Erin burns the riddle. Alright, a car slowly started to move forward, then it picked up speed. Faster and faster it went until it crashed through a guardrail and went over a cliff. It fell over 100 feet and was very badly damaged. No one was killed or injured. In fact, no one was even afraid of being killed or injured. Why not?

It was one of those tow truck cars that fell off of that and then went down a hill and then that's how it happened. There's no one in the car, there's no one else on the street.

Tow truck cars.

Yeah, tow truck cars. Cars that move cars. Cars that move cars.

Erin suggests it's cars that move cars. Erin, I want to see a quick scene. You're going to be watching Adal and I interacting on screen. This is a new pilot called Cars Who Move Cars. It's about two toe tricks with brothers. But you are providing all of the sound effects for this and you're also providing the theme song. Cool?

Hey Derek, can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah Derek. Let me put down this guitar.

Sure, what's up?

I feel like the business is going pretty good, but there's room for improvement.

Vroom vroom vroom.

Well my brother, it looks like we're just two cars moving cars.

Hey, you want to help me move this Porsche?

Alright Adal, you're gonna be the network and you're gonna be giving Erin some notes about the theme song for Cars Moving Cars.

Hey, Erin Keif, right? Do you mind having a seat?

Yeah, thank you for making this really me.

I'm sorry?

Nothing.

Okay, that's the kind of odd behavior I want to talk about, is we asked you to be the sort of fully artist for Cars Moving Cars, our hit show, and we found that people aren't liking the musical choices that you've put in.

Well here's the thing, you know in TV shows where two characters just have so much sexual tension like a Sam and Diane, or... Did you say Sam and Diane? Is that a dish?

I brought you salmon here for the big meeting. My strong boys and one girl.

Thank you Diane. You're welcome.

And Jim and Pam and other examples.

Excuse me, I brought you this can of Pam for the big meeting.

Thank you Jim. Nick and Jess.

What would this be? More sitcoms should play out of James. What's your favorite TV couple of all time?

Oh, this is a tough one.

I really like Sam, but you were right. Cheers is really hard to watch.

It's a moment in time when things were different. Gotta be Tom Servo and Crow.

They're married, right?

I like... I'm trying to think.

I like Mad Men and the Woman too.

Dharma Chameleon.

Yeah, I'm having trouble thinking of who my favorite TV couple is.

Oh, come on, GPC. You know you're a Rossin racial.

You know, it's got to be Knight Rider and Kit.

Oh, I like the big people from Pushing Daisies.

You've never seen it?

I love that show.

Never seen it, never will. Erin, can I blow your freaking mind right now? Sure. You had the right answer to the riddle. The car was parked on a hill. There's it. No one, yeah, no one was scared because no one was in it and the driver knew that the car was parked and it, you know, emergency brakes slid down the hill and slid off the freaking cliff. You were correct.

I feel like how good I got at riddles.

And with that, we're going to have JBC put down his auto trader, which he's been reading out of, and we're going to take a quick, just like a car does.

By the way, I would never use auto trader. I'm a Cars.com man for life.

I wanted those brothers to kiss.

Oh, the pet boys brothers? I'm going to send you guys a link to pet boys porn. It is upsetting. Is it the pet boys porn you said? It's the pet boys.

Is those three heads?

Time for a break.

We'll be right back after these blemishes.

Hey, you two remember Will Smith?

Oh yeah, the actor Will Smith.

The rapper? Yeah, the actor and the rapper, slash rapper. Remember how he was on that TV show, it was something Prince of Bel-Air, but I can't remember... Hitch. Hitch Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah, he was in Hitch.

Was it Hitch Prince of... Yeah. What was the word that... What was that?

Oh, the Hello Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah, hello, no, there's one other word, hello.

Hello Fresh.

That's what it was.

Hello Fresh.

It was Hello Fresh Principal Air. Oh, that's so funny. Today's episode is brought to you by Hello Fresh.

Oh, Hello Fresh. You mean the... Oh, Hello Fresh. Oh, Hello Fresh. You mean the simple step-by-step meal delivery service?

No, I mean the John Mulaney Nick Kroll Broadway show.

Oh, Hello Fresh. We can't talk about competitors. Well, you know, I love HelloFresh. You know, we've used HelloFresh for a long time now, the three of us. It's so simple. They send you all the ingredients that you need. It's in this like little, you know, bag with maybe even a cooler pack in there if it needs to be chilled. And then you have like these individual bags. Everything's pre-portioned.

And fresh ingredients.

Very fresh ingredients.

Yeah, I will say when they send us a box and I get the sort of meat focused box. It's sort of meat. It is meat. To be clear, it's meat. I get the meat focus box, and when it arrives, it's like Christmas for me, where I'm like, I don't have to go walk in your groceries, I don't have to spend $40 to eat out somewhere. So to me, it's like Christmas fucking day.

Adal's being a dick because I did give him a box of meat for Christmas last year.

Well, it was sort of meat. It was sort of meat. What I gave was sort of meat. What hella British gives is 100% meat. But it's, it's, it, it betters my week. It puts me in a better mood. And I remember the most recent box I had, there was a salmon dish that I made that was great. It was a super fresh cut of salmon. And like JPC said, everything, or maybe Erin said, it doesn't matter. Thanks for watching!

And all the meals come together in 30 minutes or less, which is amazing. Not the way I cook. And then the cleanup time is not that bad either because they call for less than two pots and pans, which if you have roommates, they love that.

Oh yeah.

You're not in the kitchen too long and you're not going to be cleaning for too long.

And also I tend to do this thing where I fall into this rut where I keep the same things over and over and over again. And HelloFresh is cool because it's like three Thanks for watching! So if you want to get $80 off your first month of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com slash riddle80, that's R-I-D-D-L-E-8-0, and enter the promo code Riddle80.

And when you get there, you have three plans to choose from, classic, veggie, and family, which are great for little kids who are picky eaters, and they're just like, I'm a kid, what am I going to eat? I'm not only the food that I like, but they love it.

Yeah, so remember you can't pick your kids, but you can pick what they eat. That's hellorush.com slash Riddle A.D.

And now back to Hey Riddle Riddle. Here's Adal and Erin and GPC.

And start your engines because we're back to more cars.com slash puzzles.

Vroom vroom. Vroom vroom. This episode is brought to you by Cars. If you're in them, good luck. Good point. You guys ready for this? Speaking of cars, this one's called Contagious Car Sickness. With a question mark. So I guess it's Contagious Car Sickness?

Contagious Car Sickness?

Sounds like Scooby Doo.

Ro-Reggy? I'm getting Rar-Shick. B-Rar-F. Rar-F. Rar-F. I just rarfed in my rans.

This is my favorite Muppet, Rar-F. Kevin and Susie were driving home along a highway. Susie? I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. This is what happens when you only have two names. Kevin and Susie were driving along a highway. Suzette, a small child strapped into the back seat, said, I feel sick. It's probably car sickness, replied Susie. We'll be stopping soon, said Kevin. Then you can get out for some fresh air. Less than 10 minutes later, Kevin shut off the engine and they all got out of the car. But within half an hour, Susie complained, Susette has motion sickness and I do too. Susie did not normally get car sick. What was happening? She had spinal meningitis.

It was something they ate. They went past a skunk. It was something in the heater. It was something with some junk. Last rhyme made no sense, but I needed to find a rhyme. I'm sorry for wasting all your time.

Wow, Erin. That was great. And you read that off a piece of paper?

I did. I wrote it six hours ago.

What's hard about reading these riddles when you're changing the names from whatever they are in this book to Kevin and Susie is the book requires you to keep thinking about that. You cannot take a break when you're reading or you'll read the wrong name. Anyone have any more guesses?

So once they stopped, she was still sick. Did they drive to like a Six Flags or something?

Yeah, they drove two or six flags. They drove on to a roller coaster in a car. Yeah, that's it. There are clues. I can do clues. Oh, they were in a bumper car. They were in a bumper car. The doctor was the brother. Was there something wrong with the car? No. No, there wasn't. Good guess, Adal. When Jan felt sick... Oh, fuck me. Who's Jan? Yeah. When Susie felt sick, were they all breathing fresh air? Yes.

My skunk thing is stupid.

So the mom and the daughter were both sick?

Yes. Were they then outside the car?

Yes. I think Erin's right. I think they have food poisoning.

So when Susie felt sick, were they all breathing fresh air? Yes. Were they then outside the car?

Altitude sickness. Altitude. Altitude sickness.

Oh, the dad's a mountain and the other two are humans.

The dad's a mountain. Yeah, Kevin's the mountain.

The daddy was the mountain.

Kevin and Susie were driving along the highway. Suzette, their small child, strapped in the back seat said, I feel sick. It's probably car sickness, replied Susie. We'll be stopping soon, said Kevin. Then you can get out for some fresh air. Less than 10 minutes later, Kevin shut off the engine and they all got out of the car. But within half an hour, Susie complained. Susette has motion sickness and I do too. Susie did not normally get car sick. What was happening? But they were all out of the car where she complained about getting car sick. She's pregnant.

I give up.

The baby, Adal, are you ready for this? No. You are not the father.

Erin. Oh, it's me. I'm the father.

You are not the father.

Oh, you are the father.

JPC. You are not the father. But we took a random sampling of Erin, Adal, and JPC's DNA and I'm proud to admit That is nothing.

Doing that gets you nothing.

We wasted a lab text time and we ruined a beaker.

Our three DNA put together is so awful that it burned through glass.

Our three DNA combined together is actual iguana DNA. We make it iguana. I believe it.

The three of us together, it really does have an evil, evil aura to it.

I think if we all, if the three of us just We cleared out all these mics and just fucked right here and now. We could make an iguana.

I would immediately fall asleep. I'd be so bored. I'd be so bored.

Yeah, I'd be pretty bored too. Because I like my sex like I like my outreach. Go on.

Missionary. I will say during sex you're always trying to convert me. You're always building these structures. It's gotta be something they ate, or it's gotta be ate. Were they both in the back seat or something? Was it like the positioning in the car?

No, it doesn't have anything to do with the positioning in the car. I will say that Suzette was actually motion sick from being in the car, but that's not the same thing that was happening to Susie.

And we're sure that that's not a mountain.

I'm not sure of that, and I never will be, because I refuse to look it up.

Isn't Suzette a character from Les Mis? Suzette Suzette.

How do you do my name Suzette? These are my people in my past. No much to look at, nothing but nothing I can call up to scratch. Master of the house, Eminem Suzette. I dream the dream of mountain dead.

What's what?

Let me finish. If you're poor, if you're free, follow me. It's Gavrosh. Gavrosh. That's my favorite moment in musical theater history. Is that intro?

That my name's Gavrosh.

A little boy in a hat popping out of nowhere and going, I know you do my name's Gavrosh. Hello.

I just like, I just like, before you say another word, Javert. Because I played Javert and whenever, I didn't, I can't say it at all. Which is why Russell Kirk did it.

You look like a Javert.

But before, as Marius would sing, no, not Marius. Can we call you Javert and Keith? Javert and Keith would say before you say another word Javert, I would always say hump. Real soft under my breath.

Always gotta laugh.

So the bar was pretty low. And these same people, they laugh at anything? It was only for me.

I did this bit in one of the Patreon episodes where I sing stars in a Boston accent. That's my favorite thing. It makes my friend Mackie laugh so hard. Do you have air song?

Yeah. I don't remember. That's like the suicide song, right?

Yeah, when you go stars in their multitude, scares to be counted, fill in the darkness with order and love.

I don't remember you doing that. You must have been doing it in your head while we were talking.

God be my witness. It's my favorite bit to do.

Okay. Kevin had, as he had planned, stopped the car in a ferry boat, Susie became seasick.

Oh, key dokey.

So Suzette had regular motion sickness, and Susie technically had motion sickness, but it was the sickness of the sea, or as I like to call it, eating at Arby's. The sickness of the sea. Alright, you ready for one? That was a pretty good riddle. Well Adal, thank you. Thank you.

And my seven minutes are up.

Goodbye Adal, goodbye. He's leaving in a blimp. Oh shit.

Let's make this work. How do we marry these two? How do we marry these two ideas?

That's painted like a bow.

That's fucking golden. Yes.

This one's called the late train.

Susie got onto a train after traveling about 1,000 miles she got off. 1000 miles, the train probably needed some water. After traveling about 1000 miles, she got off. She arrived at her destination 45 minutes late. There had been no delays and the train had picked her up on time. Why was it late?

Because of time difference.

Yeah, so time differences would make 45 minutes in there.

Train was pregnant. Yeah, 45 minutes late. It went around a mountain. Oh, train went around a mountain on accident, yeah.

Snow! Snow! That's a good guess. Do you want to hear some hints? Sure. Does the lateness have anything to do with the trains having crossed from one time zone to another? Erin, this is your question. What do you think the answer is? No. No, it's no, of course. At the time Amanda stepped onto the train, did its crew expect it to become late before she got off of it? Yes. The crew did expect for it to be late. Could this incident, for this reason, happen only at a particular time of year? Yes.

Okay, so I know what this is. It could be snow. What is it called? A Yeti. Murder on the Orient Express situation where a bunch of people go on a train, they all are connected to the same person and they all stab that person once. Also, late at night recently, I watched a video of how that Yeti doesn't work in the Disney World ride anymore. What?

Why?

It hasn't for a really long time. So it's that ride in Animal Kingdom and it used to, the Yeti used to be like one of the biggest animatronics of all time and it would reach down and like scoop, do you know what I'm talking about Adal? It would like reach down and like scoop and look like it's gonna grab you. But the Yeti's working fine, but Disney World's super embarrassed about this. But because of the movement, it was messing with the structure. And in order to fix it, they'd have to completely tear down the mountain. It would be way too expensive. So instead they added a strobe light in there. So it looks like the Yeti's moving, but really this huge animatronic that they spent so long building doesn't move at all. It's still really scary when you go through.

How do they add a strobe light to make it look like it's moving?

It does. It looks like it's moving because you're moving. And then with the strobe light, it looks like, and with the sound, I don't know.

And with the drugs you took when you went to Disneyland.

Yeah, and then when you're on acid.

Yeah, I'm always tripping off my fucking balls when I'm in Disney World with kids.

It's also only like three seconds long, so it's enough to, I think, mess with your brain.

Hey JPC, we can all see your penis.

Well, it's out. Yeah, thank you for that very brief scene of me showing my penis at Disney World.

But they said they're gonna fix it eventually, but it's like a weird expensive mistake that Disney made.

Yeah, and Disney's hard up for the money, right? They're not making much, that cash flow not going well for old Walter Disney.

Fuck those people. That was boring for everyone to hear. I sometimes can't sleep.

You guys are gonna hate the answer to this riddle. Okay. During the night, I'm sorry, I think that you already got it because they said the time change wasn't, would not account for it. But again, I think that this is a pretty stupid answer. But it's during the night, which was the last Saturday in March, the time was advanced from standard time to daylight savings time. The engineer gained 15 minutes during the night, but the train was still late when Amanda got off of it.

Adal, what do you think?

I think that's a pretty good riddle. You do? Daylight Savings Time is the answer?

Daylight Savings Time is the end.

But the train wouldn't be late because if something was going on during Daylight Savings Time, that would be accounted in the trip. You would be like, no, Daylight Savings Time doesn't surprise anyone. And the fact that they were like, and also they drove a little faster.

Start real quick, start real quick. JVC, you're in continue this rant. You're on the phone. Erin, you're the person who wrote this riddle. And it's two in the morning.

No, no, no, but also why 45 minutes? Is it just throw in the part about how they gained time like they were trying to go faster?

Okay, please answer my question. You've kidnapped my son and where is he?

First of all, I've already told you, your son has 10 hours of air left and if you would solve my riddle, you could get to him on time. Okay. But my riddle involves you explaining yourself.

Alright, listen man, I have a quota of riddles I have to write Um, and sometimes they have to be bad and sometimes their daylight savings is the answer.

Well, sometimes your Jeremy has to pay. Okay, Jeremy.

Jeremy doesn't even like riddles. Please, please save me.

I wouldn't use your oxygen for that, Jeremy. Ten hours later I'll be dead. Oh boy. Your kid fucking sucks.

I know that, but he's my kid. Please, please. All riddles, hey, hey, hey.

Hold on.

All riddles are bad.

Okay, I agree. I will make you a deal.

Fine.

If you swear here and now to never again write another riddle, I will let your child go free.

Alright, but here's the thing. There's a podcast called Hey Riddle Riddle. They're running out of riddles. People will stop listening. They freak out if they don't do enough riddles. We gotta write more riddles even if they're bad.

Why don't they just pivot? Why don't they just keep the bones of the show?

Because their name is Hey Riddle Riddle. It's twice. The thing that they don't do is twice in their name.

I listen to comedy bang bang and that show's hardly ever funny. I'm saying the name does not make the podcast. If these people were good at what they do, they would keep this flow.

I will promise you this. Your son is dead unless you stop doing riddle scenes.

The audio you just heard was the closing moments of Hey Riddle Riddle. Erin Keif, JPC, and Adal Rifai would like to thank you for listening. We want to thank you for your patronage. We want to thank you for sending emails, but the show will cease to exist. From now on, when you download this podcast, it will be the time of day told in a sexy voice. As follows. It's noon! Oh, baby, it's noon!

Stop! Welcome to noon! Oh, look at that! Noon 01. Ooh, one minute into noon!

I don't know what's worse, the voice, or calling Joel one noon at one.

I want an alarm to go off my phone every day that goes, Welcome to noon! It's like, oh, I'm halfway through my day!

That's also the sexiest voice I can muster.

KJ is dying.

And the best line from Independence Day. Welcome to noon.

Welcome to noon.

Alright, I want to do one more.

It's PM. We're in PM now.

It was AM before, now in PM. This one's called Office. I'm sorry, the category here. There's a new category. Office Oddities. This one is called Stubborn Kevin.

Sounds a little bit like two dudes I know.

One person sounds like two dudes, you know? Okay, that doesn't make any fucking sense. I remember one time my dad was talking to me about my little brother whose name happens to be Kevin, and he was like, Kevin, Kevin, he is the most stubborn person I've ever met. And I was like, Dad, have you met you? Have you met us? We're all the same! This is my favorite NBC drama. Have you met us?

Have you met us?

Stubborn Kevin. Kevin went to buy a package of standard-sized paper. We have a special today, a sales clerk told Kevin. It's a better grade of paper and it's cheaper, too. Kevin investigated and found that the paper on sale was the same size and color, but of a heavier weight than the paper he had in his hand. It would be less likely to jam in the printers or copiers than the paper he had chosen, and it was much less expensive. Why therefore did Kevin decline the paper on sale and retain his original choice? Man, you have everything you need.

Well the client stands out because now I think it's the Kevin decline.

Do Kevin decline?

Denice.

I want those hints because I'm always interested. Oh! Erin's interested in the hints. I'm a curious woman.

Alright, this is stubborn Kevin. Does Kevin choose paper that was multiple part tractor feed or otherwise special or unusual? Hold up, hold up. I don't know. What is tractor feed paper? That's just paper you feed the pigs. No, the answer is no. So none of that shit matters because no.

Feed the paper to the pigs, and the pigs to the people, and the people say, this bank tastes like paper!

Was the sales clerk completely honest and accurate? Yes. Was the paper intended for an exotic use that was not reasonably expected by its manufacturer, such as paper mache or analysis under a microscope? No. What a bunch of weird clues. Yeah, my guess here, because I don't know the answer to this and I'm looking it up now, is that the paper had already had writing on it or something? It was like already used paper?

Yeah, newspaper.

Or is like blank on one side and had something else on the back? I don't know. Erin?

I'm thinking.

Paper airplanes.

Invisible ink.

Paper.

Is it invisible ink?

Is it invisible ink? It was not invisible ink, that's a good guess.

When you pee on paper and it shows up?

If you pee on paper and then you rub it on a jellyfish, it neutralizes the sting. At the town, the times can be noontown.

When do you think the show stopped being good?

Oh, as soon as I opened my fuck boy mouth.

We did an Instagram live earlier and someone asked the question, were Erin and JPC your first choice of co-hosts, I assume, to Adal. Adal, what's the answer to that question?

The answer is yes.

I think I've talked about this before, but you've also talked about how you don't have a lot of friends.

I don't have any friends because you two repeatedly leave immediately after the recording. GPC and I had talked for a while, 10 months or so, about doing a show together. We sat in a room for 10 months and we were like, let's hash this out. And then we used up all the air and then we decided to bring you in. So it was purposely, it was going to be the two of us and then we were like, Erin's undeniably great. We should adjust what the idea for the show is to make room for Erin.

Well, welcome to noon.

Wow, welcome to noon. Damn. Welcome to noon. Are you ready for this, guys? The answer to this? Any other guesses? It matters what he was using the paper for. So everything about the paper is true. It's heavier, it's cheaper, better quality, doesn't jam the printer.

Is this a Papa John's pizza?

It's a Papa John's pizza. Better quality? Better quality? I said the n-word. Papa John's. That guy fucking sucks. That guy was the guy who took away all of his employees' health care because he was like, Obama care takes away your health care. And it's like, no, you run a pizza business. Oh, but he's gone now. He's laying in his grave. Papa John's from Lateri. I think we just need the answer. Okay, here's the answer. Kevin was going to use the paper in air mail letters to correspondence overseas. To save postage, he wanted a paper as light as possible, even if it was expensive and occasionally jammed as printer. A quick cost benefit analysis would tell him that the time that he uses to unjam the printer and the Less expensive cost of the paper that he's buying. He's going to net him a profit, but Kevin's a fucking idiot, so what are you going to do?

Call him and say, are you okay?

Yeah, that's true. That's what you do with idiots. You call them and you ask them. Are you okay?

And how many phone calls do you get a day? I'm too tired to do that. Adal, you're nice.

You're too tired and you still find a way to tear me down. Why do you tear him down?

It should be a positive thing that it takes so much work to tear you down. It's not easy.

It's not easy, but god damn, we make it look good.

Adal, say something mean to me so the world feels balanced again.

I'm glad I invited you on the show.

Oh my gosh, oh no, my heart, it hurts, it hurts.

Oh no, I think you have heart disease.

This changed my life. He also asked me to do world news, oh my god.

You ate all that salt.

I didn't eat all the salt. He write about me eating all the salt.

Speaking of salts, let's go play in the salt box, but change a few letters around.

Would you like to change those letters around and make it the sandbox, the segment that we do on the show? Yeah, that's why we do that.

Hey Erin and JPC, grab your shovel, grab your buckets, because we're going to the beach. Are you serious? Are you serious?

Wait, what's? You motherfucker.

Sandbox.

No, no, no.

You said beach vacation. That's what you said.

Hi Sandy.

Hi Sandy. Hi it's me. This is not about you.

This is me popping out of the sand.

I bought a new boogie board.

We love to be in the sandbox.

We are very mad at Adal right now because of what he promised us.

Just to describe Erin right now, she's holding a boogie board. She has one dollop of suntan lotion on her nose.

I have an old timey bathing suit on and a look of disappointment on my face.

I brought Capri Sun for everyone.

Oh, we're back on job.

Oh, good. Okay. Erin, to you, what is an old-timey baby suit?

You know exactly what I mean.

Old-timey few hands like 1991.

Blue and white stripes. Down to my knees.

Blue and white stripes down to your knees as you're being leaned back by a sailor who's kissing you in Times Square.

I know who I am.

Welcome, Sandy. We got a sandbox segment. We're so happy to have you. I'm happy to be here. It's great to be back. There's a little noise you made you went, like you were exhausted. Like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Well, rewind 30 seconds and then he'll know why.

You dragged me out of my house. That's right. Literally. Because we're going to the beach. You did that with my family and you dragged me out and you're like, it's time for the sandbox. I don't know why I said we're going to the beach when a sandbox is in a playground. No one knows why you said that. It's a portable beach that you bring to the suburbs. A sandbox at the beach is just driftwood. You could have named this segment after going to the beach. There is sand there as well. But your name's not beach-wise. What? It's called The Sandbox because its name is Sandy.

Let's start the best segment I've ever been on. The name of the segment could have been Grease 2. I like that one. There's no Sandy in Grease 2.

Hold on.

That's only in Grease 1.

Sandy, thank you so much for coming by. What a great segment.

This has been. We always love when you come by and give us these brain teasers.

I'm ready.

I got more stuff for you. So I'm going to switch it up a little bit from the last few times and we're going to do music instead of movies. You up for some music, Riddies? We just talked about Grease 2, so of course we're up for music. Name two songs from Grease 2. Reproduction and Bowl Tonight. Go fuck yourself. I see that movie a dozen times. That's three songs. Well you solved my first one. Joe Piscopo's best work. Okay so here's the way this this puzzle works. I'm gonna give you a band and a song from a different band and you're gonna tell me how they go together. So for example if I said ACDC and Jailhouse Rock, Elvis Presley, you would say Highway to Elvis Presley.

The Beatles and Crazy in Love.

What are some popular Beatles songs? I want to hold your hand and Beyonce if you like it. Okay. Okay. So Beyonce has to be the second part of it. So what song would, uh, let it Beyonce? Let it Beyonce. Wait, works. Was that not the answer? No, it's the answer. There might be others. Oh, okay. Okay. Gotcha. It's the one I came up with. The Beatles had about what, you know, good hits. Yeah. How many times did they sing about bees? Did they ever sing about bees?

Rain. Octopuses, which are bees for the water.

Here's another one. Hotline Bling, is that still relevant? I mean, what's relevant? They're all songs. And Billy Ray Cyrus. Ooh.

I got it.

I don't know if it's... Don't drink my heart.

My Drakey Drakey Heart.

It's very close to that.

Don't break my heart, my achy, dreaky heart? What is it?

No?

Don't break my heart, my achy, dreaky heart. It's dreaky, dreaky heart.

My dreaky, dreaky heart.

Hold on. We didn't get a that works or that would work on any of those. Specifically that one is dreaky, dreaky. Oh, that was called my, that was called my Drakey Breaky.

Okay. Okay. There are rules, JPC. What is the song called? I don't know what the song is. It's called Achy Breaky Heart. It's just called Achy Breaky Heart. Gotcha. You put Drake at the beginning. What if Billy Ocean and Call Me Maybe? That's not the right Billy Ocean song? How many fucking Billy Ocean songs can there be?

That was my mom's ringtone while I was in high school, was Carrie being queen by Billy Ocean. Could you give us a hint?

I mean, I don't think we know any other Billy Ocean songs.

How could there possibly be other Billy Ocean songs?

Are all his songs Caribbean is known for its pristine water. Is it all his songs about ocean water?

Did you sing Get Out of Your Dreams and Into My Car?

Into my Carly Rae Jepsen. Yay!

And into my car with or without you and the spin doctors.

Spin Doctor is a big part of the show as per our Justin Mackerel episode.

Yeah, we talked about that. I didn't know the name of that song because it shouldn't be called Two Princes.

It should be called... Just go ahead now. How about this one? I don't know if you're gonna know the... You'll know the song for sure. We know two songs from Grease 2. We know it. The collective three of us know two songs from Grease 2. Friends in Low Places is the song and the band is the Archie's. Garth Brooks & Dunn. I thought it was Dolly Parton. The Archie's had a very famous hit.

Jughead. Wait did the Archie's sing the Friends theme song? No, that's the... No, that's the remembrance.

That's the remembrance. That was just a bunch of claps. But I had to show my kids friends last night for the first time. Oh, you had to? Were they into Phoebe? I feel like kids love Phoebe. Would you like to know why? Yes. I went to a sitcom party this weekend where we got a script for a sitcom Christmas episode and we reenacted it. And the one that I was in with my wife and my son and my daughter was Friends. The Christmas episode, I don't know if you remember, with the holiday armadillo. Yeah. Yeah. We all know. I'm just upset.

Is that the one that they watched?

So then we came home and the next day they were like, let's watch a sitcom. I was like, who asked to watch a sitcom? Oh, you want to watch the episode that we recreated. So we would watch the... We want to see Ross try and put on leather pants. Right. And get stuck. All kids want that.

What did they think?

They loved it, and now they're going to watch all nine seasons of it, or however many they want. Ten. They're ten seasons of friends.

To say nine would be ignorant. No, because once Paul Rudd comes into the mix, it's garbage. The tenth season, they all made a million dollars per episode. Would you like me to go take twelve million dollars away from Matt LeBlanc? Like it just never happened? It's all going up his nose.

Is that a thing you can do?

I would love to take $24 million away from Matt LeBlanc.

He's been begging for an excuse to do that.

It happened when that baseball eat movie came out. Matt, do not make me come to where you are and take $24 million from you, my man. LeBlanc check is what they call it because he has all that money.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Well, guess which character I played. Ross. You're a total Ross. You played Phoebe. No, no, no. Ross was what I thought I should play too and then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna challenge myself. I went for Chandler. You went for Chandler? Yeah. Well, and it worked because my wife played

Every Ross in this world thinks he's a Chandler.

No, I'm the funny likable one that does the quips.

Your ass is a paleontologist. I know the answer now. I've got the theme song to Friends and Locals. That song must have a name. Yeah, it's called Two Princes. The Rembrandt's. So, Garth Brooks is the answer. Correct. But I don't know what the Archie's sing. So it ends in the syllable GAR. Terry GAR. The song about Terry Gar. It ends in the syllable GAR? It's more like, it's more like GUR. The Archie's saying, oh my god. Yeah, we need a better hand. Stop whistling a song and tell us when that's yours. Wait, wait, wait. You don't accept the hint. I'm ready. I'm ready. Whistle it again. Sugar, sugar. Ooh, candy, candy. So sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar.

Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Sugar Drink on me. Get him off me.

There you go, Ady. You just blew Drake from ever coming on our show.

We'll never get Drake now.

Alright, I'm ready. I'm Too Sexy with UB40. Right said Fred. Right said Fredwine. Yeah. Right said Fred Fredwine. Fredredwine. Fredredwine is the name. Fred Fredwine, okay. Yeah, but dad would do. Yeah, but dad would do. Before he cheats and the Beach Boys.

I got one for that.

Erin just sneezed so it's God bless you only knows where I'd be without you.

Thanks for coming by. There's no place to go from here but down. Here's one more. God bless you only knows where I'd be without a chew.

Sandy's laughing at that.

Let it be known. Sandy likes it. No, I'm just questioning my life choice. You should be questioning my life choice. Billy Joel and Haya. Hey Outcast. Outcast. Piano cast. Billy Joel. Heart attack, attack, attack, attack, attack. Andre 3000. Mama O'Leary. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast.

Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast. Moving Outcast.

Can I do a quick segment? Garth Brooks was actually my first concert I ever went to What was everyone's first concert? Okay, so I've had this question before. First concert or first like cool concert? Like first concert ever. So Garth Brooks, my mom and dad took me. It was the Ohio State Fair and I was probably six or something. And all I remember is the Thunder Rolls because like there was a lot of mood lighting and like a deep rumble bass. So that was the first concert that I was taken to that I saw. My first cool concert where I like paid my own money was Puff Daddy and the Family with Busta Rhymes opening. Nice.

That had to be a bad show.

No, it was little Kim and it was Mace.

The whole crew was there.

I didn't know Mace was there.

It was very bad. The first concert I ever went to was Ray Charles. I was like four or five. I was young and I played with a penny on the floor the whole time. So if I had said the first cool concert, what would be your answer?

Because Ray Charles is cool as hell.

It's cool, but I didn't get to see that concert. I was playing with a penny on the floor. I was bored and I was a little kid. The first concert that I was excited about and went to by choice, no, was my dad when I was in seventh or eighth grade took me to Aerosmith with Tool opening up. What a concert! Thanks for watching.

I'm trying to, I think, this is embarrassing. I think just the chieftains, I think my family went often, the Irish band.

Oh yes, yes, yes. Ah, the Proclaimers?

Yeah, we went to that I think a lot when it was like elementary school age. But then my first cool one, I'm trying to think of like, it was my taste in music and I decided to go. Maybe like 13, like Regina, Specter, or Guster, or Andrew Bird or something.

I became friends with the drummer for Guster.

Shut up.

Brian Rosenworchul.

Can you? That sounds like four fake names.

Brian Rosenworchul.

Sandy, what about you? First concert?

Gillman Stern. Actually it's been mentioned on this list. You want to guess? ACDC. Carly Rae Jepsen. Carly Rae Jepsen. It was Carly Rae Jepsen two years ago. My first two concerts were stadium concerts of Billy Joel with my parents. That was really cool. And I think I saw him another time on my own. Yes, and the... Well, you just yes-handed yourself. What an improviser. I got as far as I got. Free tickets to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden like four years ago. We were like third row and I was like this will be fine like Billy Joel's fine and it ended up being one of the best concerts I've ever been to because every song I was like oh yeah I forgot he sings everything right like I was like I'll know two songs and I was like I know 45 of these songs right and I also sat very close to Kevin James he was in a row really the story has been nothing but bragging it was very cool

I think that wouldn't be that cool. I think that would be a terrible smell.

Well now you just knocked Kevin James off the guest list. Smells like success. Success smells terrible. Said it smelled like Paul Farts. Anyone? Am I right? Is he right, Paul Blart? He was in it. He was? Oh my God.

He was the titular... Enough.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop. I caught a drumstick from his drummer, the Billy Joel... The third Billy Joel concert.

I thought you meant you caught the ice cream drumstick from Kevin James. He was probably not letting that go. I caught HPV from... I'm ready.

Here's the last one. Okay.

I believe I can fly Peter, Paul, and Mary.

What's the name of the band who does that song? Which song? Puff the Night with Dragon? R. Kelly is the other one. R. Kelly. Yes, thank you. Bless you. Bless you. Kelly. Kelly. Oh, bless you, Erin. Well, you know all the syllables.

God bless you, he only knows where I'd be without you, Carrot. R. Kelly, both of the syllables are in the thing.

It's just the last syllable of Kelly.

Lee.

R. Kelly's version is great.

That opinion doesn't age well.

Trapped on a jet plane?

There's a YouTube video of John Denver and Cass Elliott from the Mamas and the Papas singing, leaving on a jet plane and it will soothe you, I promise.

She choked to death on a chicken bone.

Okay, thank you for nothing and thanks for nothing and thank you for nothing.

And didn't John Denver crash on a jet plane?

I've had just about enough of this ass.

Sorry, I keep bragging. Didn't John Denver die on a plane? Smugs, mugs, mugs.

Yeah, maybe don't watch that video.

Well, the seagulls are calling you back to the ocean. Sandy, thanks so much for stopping by. Because I'm a bird.

Sandy, before birds take you back to the sea, is there anything new that you've been up to, anything that you would like to plug?

Um, actually, the last time I was on IT's secret project that I was going to be able to talk about the next, uh, appearance. And now I can talk about it, except it's, it's almost over. It all happened in the month between. So this will come out in 2022. By the time you hear this, maybe there'll be another one. I teamed up with Field Notes, which is a local company that make little notebooks. And we made an ARG, which is an alternate reality game. So we've been running this online puzzle hunt for the last month that's about to wrap up. It's very cool. I'm sure you can go back and it's still all going to be online forever and you can solve all the puzzles yourself if you want. Where can people see you do a friends table read? My friend's living room. Great. Or Matt LeBlanc's apartment. Great, and that's called a sick communal. It is now.

When you say your friend's living room, you mean your living room is a shrine to the show of friends.

Right, right, right. Yeah. And then I'm on Twitter at PZLR where I post puzzles daily.

Morning, it makes you mostly angry if you are dumb like me. I tried a couple of these things and I was like, no fucking way. I do think that, and this is no fault of yours, but there are some people that comment on them that are pretty smug.

Okay, smug people commenting on the puzzler Twitter. We get it. You're smart and cool.

You're jealous. You're jealous.

Oh, I would do it. If I knew it, I would be so fucking smug out there.

Well, how do they express their smugness? Just by knowing.

By knowing the answer. So, there are people that will post, because you do sequence puzzles, and they'll post a clue to the sequence, and then someone will comment on it, and they'll be like, you're getting closer, and then they'll say another word of the sequence, and it's like, hey buddy, I don't need your help doing this puzzle. Hold on, I'm going to grab some of these people's names and dox. Let me dox the fuck out of them right now. No, but I do love it. I follow you and they're very, very difficult for stoopids like me.

Well, I think the problem is that you see one and it's maybe like a really hard one and then you think, well, these are going to be impossible. And then you go to the next one and you think, well, I clearly can't possibly solve this one. But really, it's just... They're not always that hard.

Once you crack it, it's so satisfying. And I have cracked a couple. And do you do them like the New York Times crossword where they get easier throughout the week?

Yes. I'm sorry, they get harder throughout the week. Right, right. I definitely make Mondays intentionally easy. Mondays almost always follow the pattern of here's a list of words the same word can go before it or after it. Like this Monday I did words that could go before the word life. And then that was the pattern. You just had to figure out another word. Am I so cold? You got it Adal. Nice. Good job. Serial comma. And I wouldn't say they get progressively harder throughout the week, but they definitely are easier on Mondays. Awesome. We'll check it out. The Mystery League. And that was at PLZR. Nope. Nope. Oh, hold on.

That's Pleaser. PLZR is mine. That is my Twitter for widowers.

Oh, they need the police. Sandy, thank you so much for stopping by.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you, Sandy. Thank you, Salty. Thank you, Salty Sandy. And we'll see you in the new shore. Thank you, Salt.

Alright, JBC. You know what would be pretty sweet if you hit us with a listener submitted?

Okay, this listener submitted riddle comes from Paul Dewey and they say hello my name is Paul Dewey. Well, I already said that Paul. And tell Paul Kewey and Paul Louis, fuck you. Really? That's what we're gonna do? I know Paul Dewey. And I know Paul Huey.

I know Paul Lewy. Oh God, I'm so sorry.

DuckTales, woo! A man and his wife are going out for a date. They've been planning this for months, and the husband has gotten his entire outfit specified just for him. Let's go get dessert first, Kevin says. How about some pie? Sounds amazing, Susie says. Race to the car like we used to. He doesn't answer. Oh, I hate that part.

I hate this double.

He doesn't answer, but instead begins running. After a few steps, his shoe breaks and he falls to the ground in pain. Shoe is chocolate. Forget pie. I want to sink my teeth into some cobbler. Why does he suddenly want cobbler?

Because his shoe broke. He wants a cobbler to fix his shoe. Cobblers make shoes. Dan Day-Lewis studied shoe making cobbler.

Because he sees blood and reminds him of cobbler.

Is the man not used to running? No, he still runs on a regular basis. Were the man's shoes recently worked on? Yes. Shoes were wood and cobbler. Yeah, Adal is correct. The man's shoes were repaired by a cobbler. I do have to do a full stop on you, Adal. Do you think cobblers only repair wooden shoes? And do you think wooden shoes are still a thing?

Yeah.

Okay. Everybody in Dutchland wear wood shoes. Yeah, this man's Dutch.

Okay, so there's a lot wrong with this sentence. So we don't know where to begin.

Skis are wood shoes.

Adal, if I categorized you as an adult...

If I categorized you as an adult idiot, would that be correct? No, because I have the mentality of a 12 year old. The man's shoes were just repaired by his cobbler and has become angered by them breaking. Now that he's fallen because of a broken shoe, he wants to go commit assault on this cobbler. Also there's a good chance that Kevin's a cannibal.

This guy got angry at his shoes for breaking? What are his shoes? Jimmy Fallon? Oh boy. Oh my god. What are his shoes? Erin and a World News Show?

I'm breaking world news shows.

I only break it world news. You always do.

You always break it. You two idiots all the time.

We're a big part of those shows. I would just like to say thank you to Paul Dewey. He says love the podcast. Thanks so much Paul.

Thank you Paul. Thank you Paul. Sorry JBC. I cut you off.

No, it's just Paul Dewey. He gives a fuck about this guy. I haven't seen an idea. I would like to see... Let's all pitch our three scene ideas.

I would like to see a scene between the two of you. At JPC you're an old-timey cobbler and Adal you're going in to just really rip him apart.

Okay, my idea for the scene is that the two of you are a couple that used to race to the car

Okay, my idea for the scene is, Erin, you pitch a scene where I'm a very old cobbler and Adal is coming in to rip me a new one. And this is a story that never ends. This is a story that never ends. It's got a revenge on the whole cobbler. Okay, Erin.

So old timey cobbler and I'm going to chew them up.

Listen here. You there. Let me hold on now. Let me get my glasses on and look at you.

Yes, I was in here last week and bought a pair of wooden shoes and they broke while I was racing my wife to the car.

Oh, Your Majesty. I didn't recognize you. The King of Dutchland. Yes, and by car I mean horses. A carriage drawn by horses. Yes, it's where it's the past. It's a very distant past. Now give me three reasons why I shouldn't have you beheaded. I said three reasons you made me five. Oh no! I'm so happy that you did my scene. Alright, Adal, we'll do your scene. Alright, ready? Okay. What? What? What?

What do you want? Hey, can I tell you something? What?

You're like a dream come true.

You're like, I was gonna say... Two.

You're like... Just wanna be with you. Three. I thought maybe we would race to the car like we used to.

Babe. Babe. You make the car a fun franchise? Alright, let's see JPC scene.

Alright, JPC, I want to see a scene with you and Adal and JPC, I want you to be an old timey cobbler and Adal, I want you to go in and really tear him apart.

Okay, I hate this podcast. You can email this podcast at hrrpodcast at gmail.com.

What about Twitter and Instagram?

We don't have them yet. Oh my god, wait. Erin, Jesus Christ. Sorry. You can find us at HeyRiddleRiddle on Instagram and Twitter. We also will never be on Snapchat because we don't understand it. No, too many teens. Too many teens. You can also subscribe to our Patreon. Five dollars a month gets you breakfast in bed.

Also, we are often at World News Tonight at the I.O. Theatre in Chicago. It is eight and ten on Saturdays. It is really fun. If you are a fan and you are there, be sure to say hi. Someone sent me a message on Instagram saying they wanted to come up to us last night and have us sign their ticket, but they got too nervous. Don't be nervous. We will do whatever you want, but we'll talk to you and we'll be nice.

Yeah, and we'll sign your ticket.

We had a man from Toronto who came last night. Two brothers came. One I don't think listened to the podcast, but they were both nice.

I'm just someone's brother. Please.

You don't think I'm a fan?

I'm not a fan, I'm just a man's brother.

One of my favorite things is before our world news show there was somebody I met who was a it was two people who were a fan of magic tavern and there was a third person with them and the two people were like oh we love magic tavern so like thank you for saying hi I'm like yeah of course and then the third person made a point to come up to me and they went sorry I don't know who you are I don't know who you are.

I'm like, I was just stopping to say hi to these people. I don't give a shit. And if you're looking for someone else who doesn't give a shit, you can follow me on Twitter at jpsofly or on Instagram at sharkbarkman. Erin, where can people follow you?

Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. It's private, but you can just don't follow me. I just don't want all my exes to see my new photos. It's not about you guys, it's about my exes. Lots of exes. And then Erin Keif 10... Can you describe some of your new photos? My new photos, just pictures of my niece, and that's basically it.

Your niece? Your photos.

Oh, my new photos. Oh, my niece.

And Erin, just so I'm clear about your exes, all your exes live in... Jupiter!

You are created by Adal Rifai, starring Aaron Keif, and John Patrick Molynek, H.E. Snyder V.E. editing, and M.R.E. parents in the music. Local created by Emily Cardamas and M.O.E.

That was a head gum podcast.