Which Riddle Riddle?

Bark bark bark, JPC. Me hungry.

Adal, we've talked about this, my man. If you do that, I will feed you, but it will be dog food.

That's fine.

Okay, I mean, I think I know what's going on. You want the dog food because you know that I use Ollie dog food.

Ruff ruff.

Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients for dogs. Now, I gotta say, Adal, you can eat it. I don't think you're gonna like it as a human. This is specifically for dogs.

It just looks and sounds so good. Also, with Ollie, you don't just get food through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture of your dog, not of your Adal, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, coat, all because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be.

I wonder what happens if I upload a picture of Adal. Let me just try it now. They said, oh, they said, this dog is very sick. Take this dog. Take this dog. It says to a people hospital. I switched to Ollie, I tried it out, my dog Spaghetti absolutely went nuts for Ollie. She is a dog, one of these types of dogs, I don't know if you've heard of, have you heard of these types of dogs? She's the type of dog who you can like put the food in her bowl and then she'll just like see it in there all day and only eat it when she's hungry. Now, when it's time for dinner, at about four o'clock every day, she comes up and starts snapping at me like, hey man, get the Ollie out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, dude, you gotta be getting faster at this. She absolutely loves it and it's the first food that I've ever given her that she actually seems to be interested in. So get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to Ollie.com slash Riddle, tell them all about your dog, and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-I-E dot com slash Riddle. And enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Can't confirm the promo code works because I used it. I used my own promo code for my own podcast. That's how much I like the product.

Oh, shoot. I just remembered I buried some bones in the backyard. And by bones, I mean Erin. Let me go dig her up.

Oh boy. Ollie, feed the obsession.

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle!

If there was a riddle, yo, I'll solve it! Check out the beat cuz it's Hey Riddle Riddle!

What was the hand routine then?

You had a whole hand routine worked out. I made both my hands form little finger people and they dance they were dancing. This is JPC and I'm Erin Keif.

And we have a special guest in the studio today.

Who is it? Well, Erin, I'll tell you, don't interrupt. What's under that cloak? What's under the cloak? Erin is wrapped in, what is this, a scarf or a shawl?

It is a scarf. It is very big. It is my blanket that I wear as a scarf.

Yeah, I love these scarves nowadays that are also blankets.

Yeah, I need it.

I also like that you're wearing scarves instead of, typically every winter, Erin just wraps saran wrap around her head.

We do have a special guest in the studio. We've rudely been talking and not introducing her.

Staged by a scarf.

Becca, do not talk until you're introduced.

People are going to be way too confused.

People are going to be so upset with what you did.

Hello and welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. My name is Becca Barish and I'm so glad to be here.

Becca, you do world news at IO with Adal, Erin, and I. Are there any other things about you that you would like us to say?

Are you defined by world news tonight? Spaghetti is tossing a bone around the studio.

Spaghetti wasn't quite content with just chewing on it silently, so she had to throw it in the air. Good girl.

Yeah, what's your deal? What is my deal? Yeah, what's your deal?

Yeah, what's your fucking deal?

The ultimate riddle.

You sat down here, you sat on your chair backwards like you own the place, turned your cap around, you've been arm wrestling us for hours.

Yeah, I'm just excited to be here!

Well, we are excited to have you. We have a very special episode.

You realize that was a chance for promotion, right? Did you have something you wanted to promote?

Yeah, I just thought it would maybe more so, like, come toward the end once I've won people over versus coming right from the beginning. That's a good idea. Let's see how this goes, and then depending on how it goes, I'll decide.

Direct people to other products, yeah. What it is that you're gonna promote. That's a smart move, yeah. Tell them about the Jewish episode. I told Becca that we had a very special episode prepared, and she asked me if it was a Jewish-specific episode. This is a Mailbag episode, so it's listener-submitted riddles. We haven't had a lot of Jewish riddles submitted to the show, so that is on our listeners.

If you do want to... We should clarify, Becca is not Jewish. Becca's not Jewish at all. But she knows all the slang words. Becca, are there any Jewish riddles?

There's a lot of mean Jewish jokes that are kind of riddly, but if you actually think about Judaism, let's get into this, it is a riddle. I mean, the whole point of Judaism is to ask questions and kind of explore that to figure out different aspects of what Judaism means to you, so. Just to be clear, when you said mean Jewish jokes, did you mean mean to Jewish people or mean... No, it might be like, where do you hide your money from your Jewish mother?

I don't know if this is true, but a Jewish friend of mine told me recently that there's no vowels in the Torah.

That can't be right.

So vowels are probably different than how you view vowels because if you're looking at- How would Vanna White- would Vanna White have a part in the Torah? Jewish vowels are more like what you would see the visual of almost looking like braille. It's like dots and lines and stuff like that. So the dots and the lines tell you what sort of sounds to make with the letters. So almost like when you- have you ever seen those things where it just shows the consonants with no vowels but you can still figure out the word? Yeah. I think it's kind of like that.

I've never seen that thing. Everyone said yes immediately, like it's a normal thing, and I've never even heard of that.

There's a part of Only Connect where that's what you have to do. They take out all the vowels of a phrase.

For full context, Only Connect is a dating app.

I haven't gotten to that yet, but I'm never giving up.

It's the thing where you can't, there's no writer left to swipe, you can only connect.

You have to marry the first person who pops up.

The minute somebody pops up, you're dating.

It's nice to meet you.

We're in love, I guess.

It's for the most desperate people.

Are we allowed to go into a scene immediately?

If you have to ask, then you can't afford to buy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you can if you want to.

Yeah, okay. I wasn't even thinking of doing this, but I think jumping right into Erin going on her first date. Is it called Only Connect?

Yeah, well, it's a fake dating app, but let's do this.

Sure, it's hair going on a date, and JPC, can you play the computer that is the person that she was matched with?

Yes.

Great, thank you.

Hello, it is wonderful to see you.

Oh, you're nervous too.

Oh, I am very nervous, plus someone spilled some water on me.

Uh-oh.

It's the waiter here.

I've done a lot of internet dating, have you?

No, this is a first for me.

Really? I don't know. I've been on every app. I've gotten a lot of dates.

Did someone say every app? I'm your waiter. Jesus, you just spilled cheesesticks all over me. Did you want every app? I'm sorry about the water. I'm sorry about the cheesesticks, sir. This is my tenth day on the job, and I'm still a little bit nervous. Did you want all the apps, man?

That's several weeks, though. Like, ten days on the job.

Ten days is several weeks? You're dumb as shit. Sir, can I get you anything else? Um, no, but I am loving the energy that you're putting on.

Oh, no.

Is he being sarcastic? I can't tell. No, he's into you.

What did you say your name was?

My name is Tortor.

Back to the apps.

All right, I'm all done with you. What a good name. No, this is not a special episode for any of those stupid things that you said. This is a special episode because we have had listeners over the course of the time we've been doing this podcast.

We've had listeners over the course of the time we're doing this podcast?

Well, yes, listener. It's one guy, but he's great. But they have sent us some D&D-esque riddles, some Dungeons & Dragons themed riddles.

Now, some of these are... Why did you use D&D if you're just gonna later say what D&D stands for? Because Erin's here. Now, some of... Oh!

Some of these are riddles that I think are like more in the realm of D&D and some of these are just like riddles that their D&D groups have come up with in the course of their Dungeons & Dragons games. But Becca, I know that you have played Dungeons & Dragons. Yes. Adal and I play in a game of Dungeons & Dragons together. We've been playing for like... We've never won before this recording. We've been playing for like three years in that group.

And I just brought, you missed at the session today, I brought all my swag from Wizards of the Coast. Oh yeah.

And this episode is actually sponsored by... Well it's sponsored by their biggest competitor, Midwest Wizards.

Every single person in my Dungeons & Dragons campaign moved. Did they all move to LA? They were all planning on moving to LA and then one got hired by SNL so he's like, I'll just move to New York since...

Do they all play without you?

They are starting this one actually in LA apparently where it's you're all teenagers and your power is based on your self-esteem and that's based on what other people think about you and I was like should I move to LA?

What is that? In the Loop? Not In the Loop, that's a movie. What's the... Tales from the Loop?

Could be. And Erin, what's your D&D experience?

Um, I've never played it, but a lot of people I love play it. My boyfriend plays it.

Here's what I think. If you played D&D, I feel like your character would be an angel who rides on a whale with legs. Uh-oh, it's getting weirder. No, this is one of the most powerful classes. Her name would be Karen Eve.

Okay, that's very similar to my name.

You wouldn't have any weapons, but you'd say all your thoughts all the time. You'd have a disarming smile.

Oh, that's nice.

What's your character when you play? The good news is that you get to choose your character and you don't have to have people tell you.

Yeah, Adal just verbatim told you the character he plays from the game.

My character's name was Fleet Woodmack.

That's really good. Yeah, so that's a joke about, uh, what? Abba. Great.

In Sean's bathroom, he has this huge painting that someone in his D&D group, have you seen it? Made of all of their characters together, and it's pretty epic. It's the only art that he has in his bathroom.

In our D&D group, we got, what's it called, 3D printed? We have 3D printed figurines of all of our characters. Because our DM is rich. Well, TJ got his in brass, right? His is brass, the rest of ours are just plastic carbonite. Frozen carbonite.

You just one-upped the painting thing. Well, what's the coolest thing you could possibly do with your characters? Make them actually come to life? Make them kiss.

Make them kiss all the time. Our D&D group is just a bunch of guys in their 30s making their character skins.

Here's JPC. JPC plays a wizard named Vodon, and most of the time that we're fighting enemies, he turns them into dogs, fucks them, and then buries them.

I do. Polymorph lasts for an hour, so my go-to move is to turn polymorph someone into a small dog, and then start digging a hole, throw the dog in the hole, bury the hole, I'm sorry, put the dog to sleep, throw the sleeping dog in the hole, Fill up the hole.

So every battle, you just hear JPC say, ah, I should have made a dog, I forgot to put a bear down. Let's get into some riddles.

Okay, cool. So these are some listener submitted D&D riddles. This first one is from, I just want to make sure I can say their last name. This person is from Johnny Collins from Madison, Wisconsin.

That's a tough one. Yeah, Johnny Collins.

Hey folks, like the podcast so far? Well, fuck you. He came up with this riddle for his Dungeons & Dragons group. It's totally derived from common knowledge of the real world science and mythology, so while it may help, you don't need to be a D&D expert to answer this riddle. Okay, ready? Flowing through the mountain's heart, half of Aegis' rimeless word, a shiny consolation prize, a bane to creatures sometimes furred. Flowing through the mountain's heart, half of Aegis, and Aegis is capitalized, rimeless word, a shiny consolation prize, a bane to creatures sometimes furred. So what's, in the periodic table, what's A-G? Hey Riddle Riddle Shine salt like a diamond. I don't know the answer to this riddle, but there are hints to this riddle. Okay, so there's no answer? I didn't look at the answer. So some people get really clever when they send us these answers and they write them and then they change the font to white so you have to like scroll over them in the email just to see them.

Clever. What's a word that doesn't rhyme with anything? Purple.

Silver.

Purple Urple Stupid.

Purple Urple Stupid. A bane to creatures sometimes furred. What is a creature that is sometimes furred?

Humans.

Oh, there's a sphinx. Is that what they're called? Sphinx cats? So this is a maybe a bane to cats, which is dogs? What's a bane to cats? What's a bane to cats?

What's a bane to cats? Laser pointers?

Dogs.

Certain plants?

You live in the litter box, I was born in it. Are you guys ready for some hints?

Yeah.

Okay. The answer is not multi-part, i.e. all the lines are referring to the same person, place, thing, or idea.

Okay.

Why is Ages capitalized? That's a hint. And Ages does have a capital A. So why is Ages capitalized? Why is he asking us? He said it's the talking riddle.

Can you say just the Ages line again?

Yes, I absolutely can. Half of Ages, Rhymeless Word.

What's that? The aggro crag?

So the aggro crag is from the show Guts. Do you have it? Guts! Did you ever watch that?

No.

And they would have three teams from kids from different countries and it was almost like an Olympic sort of thing and then at the end they had to climb this thing called the aggro crag.

Yeah, it's almost like the Olympics. If the Olympics had a $400 budget.

And if it was having Mike O'Malley, who later was in the show Glee, and Moe, his support.

It's actually pretty good. There's a woman named Moe who I feel like most people I would watch that show with had a crush on.

They would be like, Erin, it's time to spill your guts! And I'd be like, my name's Erin, I'm from Israel, I like to skateboard. I sound cool.

Wow, is there a different version of Erin from Israel that likes to skateboard? All right, I want to see a scene. Erin, I want to see a scene. You, Becca, and Adal, you are all a team on guts. Wait, there was three person teams, right?

No!

Oh, was it not? You're thinking of Legends of the Hidden Temple.

I am thinking of Legends of the Hidden Temple. I watched a recent episode of Legends of the Hidden Temple where they were like, what do you like to do? And the kid was like, well, I hooked my computer up to my phone line and I play games over it. And they're like, that's great! Before anyone knew what internet was.

That boy was all gore. You're all from three different countries. You're all from three different countries. You're competing on guts. We're going to throw it to you and you guys are going to do your little intro lines, okay?

Do we have our countries?

You will all be from different countries, but I'm not going to assign you your countries. So what are we doing? We're introing ourselves? Yeah, on guts. Anything else?

Okay, Adal, spill your guts. My name is Gordon. I'm from Oslo, Norway. I like to eat Chex Mix, and sometimes I lose my balance.

My name's Tiffany. I'm from Canada. I like to use my Skip-It at the same time as my Bop-It, and my record is 602, but you don't know which one.

My name's JPC. I'm from America. I eat my own shit. I'm stupid. And I'll never amount to anything.

Okay I Know there's been a lot of discussions on this podcast about like riddles and whether they're fair or not.

Yes earlier. You said you've listened to half a episode But

In the end, they would go through the temple and then the temple guards would come out at basically random points. So it basically was like the show deciding whether or not they wanted the children to win. And I think that's true.

And it was a grown man. It was a grown man who grabbed a child who was dressed, I would say, culturally inappropriately.

I haven't been able to focus on anything since you told me that little boy discovered the internet. I'll send you that clip.

All right, the last clue here is the creatures in question are only furry once every few weeks to be more specific. Once every few weeks.

A flower.

Chia pets are furry. So it's not multi-part. Each line is the same. Aegis is capitalized for a reason, and they're furry every three weeks. Sheep would be weird. That would make sense. Flowing through the mountain's heart, half of Aegis' rhymeless word, a shiny consolation prize, a bane to creatures sometimes furred. So what does sheep hate? Shears? What do sheep hate?

I don't know. I think we gotta give up. Ag.

I don't know, I think we gotta give up.

I love to be the one to give up.

I'm proud of that. If you look at the answer, can you give us another clue based on the answer?

Oh yeah, so Adal is right with AG being representative of... Can we go around the table and just kind of get a quick, let's see a scene where you all apologize to me.

I am JPC, I eat my own shit.

Damn JPC, you're a little licorice.

First of all. Flew too close to the sun.

So, AG is what? What does it correspond to?

Alright, so, underground, flowing, and heart are meant to evoke the imagery of a vein. AG is the chemical symbol for silver, hence half of ages. Strictly speaking, silver does not have a direct rhyme, only slant rhymes like pilfer or wilbur. We said that earlier. Becca said, what is the word that doesn't have a... So, I mean, we were... Erin, I think, said silver as well, correct?

Silver fox. I said diamonds and salt.

What is silver except salt diamonds? Second place is awarded a silver medal, i.e. a consolation prize, and in Germanic folklore and in D&D, silver weapons are particularly effective against werewolves, creatures who are only furry during their full moon transformation. Yes, we all forgot about werewolves. Thank you, Johnny Collins.

Speaking of Germanic folklore, isn't Witcher 3 your favorite fucking game?

Yeah, but that's not Germanic. I put on the Witcher 3 when I'm gonna have sex. I just let the opening credit screen roll. Do you mind if I set a mood?

Where is it set if not Germany?

It's Icelandic. Polish? Yeah, Polish. It's Polish. And Polish is not Germany. They actually fought a war about that, Adal.

Yeah, about that.

That war was called The Witcher 3.

There was actually many wars in The Witcher 3. The nation of Novigrad was very aggressive. But Geralt of Rivia had something to say about that. Okay, let's see a scene where I play Geralt of Rivia.

Let's do another riddle.

Okay, one more riddle, one more. We will do another... And then we're done. This is the last one. 1, 2, Hey Riddle Riddle. 1, 2, Hey Riddle Riddle. This comes from Derek Wright. Derek Wright writes, Oh boy. I occasionally throw riddles into my D&D games, so I browse through a lot of short, simple riddles. But this was the first one that stumped me. My players never got the answer. See if you can. Riddle. My tines are long. Tines? Tines?

What's a tine?

My tines are long.

Wait, no. Are you saying an M or an N? My tines.

My tines. My tines. T-I-N-E-S.

T-I-N-E-S.

Tines. Tine?

My tines are long, my tines are short, my tines in ear, my first report.

My tines and ear, E-R-E, which is a preposition and conjunction which means before in relation to time. Derek said that in the email.

Derek, I gotta say, this isn't fun. I think it's pronounced air.

Could be. My tines are long, my tines are short, my tines and air, my first report. Siri, what are tines? What's the thing that forecasts? Hey Riddle Riddle Riddle A tooth?

Four teeth? Three teeth?

If you have a tooth on your fork, you're putting the fork in too hard. You need to take the fork out, because you're forking your teeth.

You got a fork in your teeth.

My tines are long, my tines are short. My tines end ere, so they end before my first report. Okay, nice. This is a segment that I usually reserve for Erin on the show, but this is a dead stop. What is a dinglehopper?

Isn't that what it's called? In Little Mermaid? He doesn't know what a fork is called? He calls it a dinglehopper? The seagull's like, I know what this is!

That was a bad impression. Everybody shut up, nobody look at me.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you're gonna be the seagull from Little Mermaid. Becca, you'll be the Little Mermaid. JPC, you'll be Eric? Prince Eric? Is that his name? He doesn't talk, right? And you might hear your favorite little crab pop into the scene. Well, we hope we don't.

Ariel! Ariel!

I'll be your wingman. Get it? Ariel, do you get it?

Yes, I get it. Do you?

Yes.

Ariel.

Ariel! Okay, who is this guy? He looks like a haircut. Hi handsome!

Hey, it's me, Mr. Krabs, from the SpongeBob!

I feel like if I could hear it for just a second, I could have done a great impression of the seagull. I want to just give an award to Prince Eric in that scene.

He yawned. It's Ariel that can't talk or Prince Eric that can't talk?

Ariel, for the second half of the movie, cannot speak.

But she has legs.

Yes, she has legs. What do you call them? Grapes.

I would love if Ariel had like every ten words she just didn't know what she was talking about.

But then it gets worse and it's like in the middle of the sentence and then the beginning of the sentence and then you realize that she's just a woman singing a song from a book.

I aluminum fold. I'm trying to say I love you I don't know.

My tines are long, my tines are short, my tines and air, my first report. This is pure gibberish.

A fork in the road. A rake.

No, I looked at the answer, so it's not a... This would be something that you couldn't touch. It's not something that you could like touch or hold on to.

A woman without permission?

Thank you. And yes, and that's me clapping.

No, it's me clapping!

Don't take credit for something a woman does! Lesson number two.

It's a thing you can't hold or touch?

It's a thing that you can't hold or touch. Religion. My parents' pride. Yeah. And one more from you, Erin?

What? That's me clapping.

If you did touch it, it would probably kill you. Although some have survived.

Fire!

Lightning.

Yes! It's fire. Congratulations, Erin. It's not fire. It's not. Of course it's lightning.

I hate when I get the answer but still don't know why.

So my tines are long, my tines are short. I assume the lightning bolts have long Riddle Mindset Question I go into every riddle thinking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then I play some Witcher 3 and try to fuck the riddle. I don't know. I, I, that's a tough question. I don't think I'm gonna, I don't think I'm good at riddles. So I am surprised if ever I get the answer to a riddle.

So it sounds like it's, I hope I get it or like it would be cool if I did.

But I mean, I'll throw some behind-the-scenes magic through this podcast. I've never once tried to answer one of these riddles correctly. Cool, we're gonna cut that out.

We're gonna put it in Patreon as its own standalone episode because we do not share behind-the-scenes on our regular feed, JPC.

Oh, you're grabbing me by the throat!

Every time I'm listening to a riddle, I think, I don't think this listener exists, but my anxiety makes them exist in my head. I picture a smug dude in his car who's listening to this by accident. I've seen him. And he goes, oh this lady's not smart, and he just feels smug about a lady not being smart.

If you're that guy, email us. Is that guy Mitch?

Yeah, that guy's my frickin' brother-in-law.

That girl won't know what the word tyne means.

She's so dumb. A few episodes ago, there was the polar bear one. Do you remember that? No. On our show? Yes. No. Yeah. You got it right. It was a polar bear. It was like, what color was the bear? Oh, that's right, yeah. But you said, and I forgot, so here comes the roasting, but you said Antarctica or wherever you said, and then our Twitter feed blew up with people being like, actually, bears don't live in the Antarctic, or whatever it was. It just was very funny. The sub-Arctic. Sub-Arctic.

The Amtartic. The Amtrak. You know, who cares where fucking bears live? We're the greatest at riddles. Becca, we also forgot to ask you, we usually ask every guest that comes on the show, how do you feel about riddles in general?

Well, I'm a very competitive person, and I've literally talked about it in therapy, and one of the things I- About riddles, specifically? Or about coming on this show? No, just about being a very competitive person, because I've ruined a couple game nights, and one of the things I realized was like, I go into a game night Riddle Riddle.

I find being a competitive person it's easier to engage in a thing that I'm not good at because then I don't have an expectation that I'm going to be good at it. But if it's like a competitive thing that I'm vaguely good at or like I should be good at, like bowling, like I should be good at bowling for all intents and purposes. Because it's bowling. It's fucking bowling, it's not rocket science.

See, I get irritated with bowling because I usually hit in a good spot, but my bowling ball is so light because I can't carry a heavier bowling ball, so then I feel like, again, everything's stacked against me.

For listeners, Becca Barish is 3'2", she is made of twigs, she has a volleyball taped to her top.

As a head?

Yeah. She sticks with the volleyball.

So instead of heads of volleyball, you went with volleyball taped to her top.

I literally pictured my head with just a volleyball taped to my boobs.

I thought that too, I was like, these are my boobs, they're one volleyball's worth of boobs.

Eyes up here please, not on the volleyball.

Please don't spike my tits. Please, Becca, we love having you on the show, but please don't spike my tits. That sounds like what someone would say, like, don't pull my leg.

That should be the new, what is it, is it some military branch that has like this snake that says don't tread on me or something? Yeah, that's a no fear t-shirt. Yeah, it's a big dog t-shirt. If you can't slither with the big stick, stay off the porch. Stay out of the desert. There should be one that's just a volleyball that says don't spike my tits. It's almost like don't like don't yuck my yum or don't rip. Erin is so over this.

Oh, I'm just listening.

The merch for this show is getting out of hand. This episode, this riddle, is submitted by Brandon Jones. Brandon also has sunglasses in their profile pic. Given that, I wanted to give you a D&D-themed one that we got cursed a few times because of. Well, it's two prepositions in a row. What are you, all of a sudden language police? Adal, you could have just said volleyball head. I wish I was language police because then you'd be in language fucking prison. A thief is casing a wizard's tower to steal all of the treasures within. Becca's taking notes, this is hilarious. What is casing? Casing is like... Like a joint? Like a recon? Have you seen Home Alone?

Lost in New York?

No.

Or the third one where they hit heads when they're jumping over the fence.

Let me use a better example. Have you seen Mamma Mia?

The second one? Here we go again.

Have you seen Mormamia? The third one? The Mormon one? The Book of Mormamia. Mormamia.

No, yeah, casing is like where you go and scope something out before you do a crime. A thief is casing a wizard's tower to steal all of the treasures within. He sees that the only entrance is through a door guarded by a massive golem. He watches as an apprentice approaches the door. Oh man.

A massive golem?

Yes. Trademark? Golem or Golem? So, I do this thing where I... Fail to read emails before you start reading them? No, I just don't read these riddles before... Saying them? Saying them because I don't want to spoil the riddle for myself, but we've done this one before.

So... We'll make up new content.

Oh, just make up a riddle? Yeah. Okay, cool.

What's the answer to this one?

This is the one we did with the spies not too long ago where they say the secret password. So I'll make up a riddle instead.

This riddle comes from Brandon Jones. So this is for nothing?

Well, no, I'm gonna use the beginning of it.

For listeners, Becca drew the human anatomy chart.

A thief is casing a wizard's tower to steal all of the treasures within. He sees that the only entrance through the door is guarded by a massive golem. And here's the part that I'll make up. Okay, so, so this thief... Okay, so he gets a phone call, and he picks up the phone, and it's his doctor. And his doctor says... His mom or his doctor? It's his doctor. Ask me one or the other. Nope, it's his doctor.

The woman has died.

Nope, the doctor says, I've got some bad news. We just got the test results back. And the thief says, give it to me straight, doc. And the doctor says, You've got six leaks to whiv. So, he hangs up the phone.

JPC's slowly backing out of the room as he's grabbing his coat.

He hangs up the phone and he turns to his friend.

He has a gun to spaghetti's head.

The bear. And the bear says, barely knew her. And anyway, Brandon, thank you for submitting that.

Well, it only took three episodes for us to fall apart.

Thank you for submitting that riddle. This next riddle comes from Patrick Heron. Just encountered this while playing D&D with my brother, also a listener.

Hello.

Do you think that he is playing D&D with his brother and then also another listener? Or are you saying that his brother is the listener?

And also does he play D&D alone with his brother? I don't know.

I've played D&D with my brother before. There's usually other people there.

Okay.

And I've never just played with my brother. Anyway, we'll never know. I'm reading the rest of this email. He does not clarify. I'll assume it's him, his brother, and another listener.

No, no, no. This is the riddle. I think he is a listener. I think his brother listened.

Do you think Patrick listens?

I think everyone listens.

Wow, that's vain. Comes with sunshine, leaves with night, hides in darkness, does not bite. Always joined to its caster, never strays from its master.

I was gonna say shadow, I wanted to get it right. I wanted to get it. Cut out Adal getting it. I wanted to get it.

I stopped listening.

It comes with sunshine. Donny Osmond? The answer is a shadow. I want to see a scene. Adal, you are playing a man, and Erin, you are playing that man's shadow. You can never get a moment's rest from your shadow, Adal. Hey buddy.

Hey! What? What's going on?

How are you doing today?

Oh my god, so good.

Yeah, you look real long.

What are we doing? What are we doing today? I like your shirt.

Sweetie, who are you talking to?

This is awkward. This is my shadow.

Hey!

I was talking to you.

Oh.

Okay, okay. Everybody calm down. I knew this was going to happen eventually. You're a shadow to someone? Yep.

Are you seeing someone?

I'm... Okay, okay.

I came in here with the intent to argue with you because I can never get a moment alone, as per the voice in my head, but now this has turned into... I didn't know we were monogamous. Sweetie, who are you talking to? You're dating two other people? I'm dating... I was talking to you.

Sweetie, who are you talking to? God? Uh, are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

So everybody calm down.

Yes, it was Shadow, and Patrick says, thanks, love the show. Doesn't say if his brother loves the show, so what the fuck is with that? Either way, thanks for the riddle, Patrick. Thank you! And I think that that's probably a good time for us to take... A break? A break! Right? A little break?

So we'll be back in six months.

Yeah, we're gonna take a hiatus. I think that's a good time to take a little hiatus. We'll be back in about six months. More like a bi-atus. What does that mean?

Well, hiatus. Take the first two. Insert commercial here.

We will be right back after a break from these breaks.

Whoa, who's that new hunk? He's dressed so well. Whoa, look at him. He is dressed so well.

You guys, you're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I thought that was like Vince Quince or something. Yeah, that's us.

We look amazing.

I thought that was like Quince Diesel or something. We look like that?

Yes, it's because you are wearing your new quince high-quality wardrobe staples. Look at you, Adalyn, your 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater. Oh, and JPC, you look incredible in this button-down, if I do say so myself.

Wow, our styles are truly timeless, versatile, and designed to become dependable pieces that we will reach for day after day.

Also, everything at Quince is priced 50-80% less than similar brands, and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. And Erin, you're doing the splits!

Look at me go. And it's not just clothing. Quince brings the same approach to everything they make, from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essentials and thoughtfully designed furniture. They make well-designed pieces for everyday living. I'm about to move, and my Quince cart is filled with stuff that's going to make my home stylish without breaking the bank.

Did someone say Vince Quince?

Whoa! Yeah, like five minutes ago.

Yeah, like a long time ago.

Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash riddle. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash riddle. Vince Quince out! Bye Vince Quince! Did somebody say Quince Diesel? No. Come on, man.

You guys, I'm rebranding. You know how my whole thing is how tired I am all the time?

Mm-hmm, yes.

And that I am constantly trying to find solutions and most of them have me like crash after a couple hours.

Sure, yeah.

That's all over now. I have ultra pouches. Does a cartwheel, puts my hands up. Whoa, whoa.

She said does a cartwheel. Erin, I am so happy for you. I mean, I am kind of sad that this means that we won't get any more, like, classic energy-less Erin antics, which were some of my favorite of your antics. But it's cool that you found something that works for you.

Yes, they're instant focus in a pouch.

I also heard that ultra pouches are ideal for athletes, runners, and health-conscious people because they are 100% nicotine-free?

Yes! Just pop one pouch in 5 minutes before your run, workout, or work day and you'll feel it sharpen your mind and lift your energy by the time you start.

And it's trusted by top athletes, entrepreneurs, and engineers around the world.

Does another cartwheel, Lynx.

Wow, she said she did another cartwheel. And I'm also hearing that 90% of users saw significant improvements in their overall focus levels, calm, steady flow state focus, enhanced memory, smooth energy, mood balance, all with zero nicotine and zero caffeine. Wow, zero caffeine too?

Yeah, and guess what? Doesn't taste bad. There's all sorts of flavors. Cool Mint, Wintergreen, Tropical Watermelon, and Blue Raz. Third cartwheel into a backflip. Winks again.

Okay, Erin, you said that you did all those things. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code RIDDLE to save 15% off at TakeUltra.com. That's TakeUltra.com for 15% off with code RIDDLE. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them, Hey Riddle Riddle sent ya!

You guys, I legitimately had terrible sleep last night. I'm staying in an Airbnb while the AC gets fixed in my place. And guess what? I missed my bed. I missed my Helix mattress. I have a Midnight Luxe. And guess what? I couldn't bring it to the Airbnb with me. I wish I had appreciated it more. I wish I had told it. I wish I had told my mattress.

Did someone say miss my mattress? It's me, the Helix Sleep mascot, Sympathy Steve!

Oh, hey, Sympathy Steve. Did you win Miss My Mattress, the competition?

Isn't he mattress? I did!

Sympathy Steve!

And while I can't, and while I can't give you a Helix mattress because, you know, that'd be insane if I was just a guy who gave out Helix mattresses, I can say, it sucks what you're going through.

Yeah, it does suck. Helix is the best. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. You get a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. So what's the risk? And they also have the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges.

Whoa, Sympathy Steve, you have a tattoo on your leg. It says, Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired.

And I won't tell you what that's covering up. It was worse. But what I will tell you to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day best of web sale that's running now until September 13th. It's 27% off sitewide, and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for the Labor Day Best of web sale. HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. I can't empathize with you, but I can sympathize with you.

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, it's always been me. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good, all good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcast here on HeadGum. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kickass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet, or like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

I like that it's all in one place. I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, to like different stores or something. It's just all on my website.

Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like a- do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures, or to like another type of website to upload the- Yeah, no, it's all in one place. The video, or the audio, or like- Thanks for watching!

www.friendsmeetingfriends.com That's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code headgum to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. And we're Riddles again!

Did we come up with a... And we're Riddles again. Did we come up with a D&D themed name for Old Man Puzzles for this episode? Oh, we did not. Ooh. Old Dragon Dungeons.

Puzzle Master.

The Puzzle Master.

The Page Master.

The Page Master. The Key Master. Goes over. Ghostbusters, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, let's just do Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, right? I like Ancient Dragon Puzzles. Ancient Dragon Puzzles. Yeah. Okay, so retroactively... ADP, always safe, always secure. I will be Ancient Dragon Puzzles.

I want you to be responsible for either giving us a painting or a figurine of each of us, a brass figurine of each of us when this is over.

I heard one time JPC's dungeon master took him to a fancy dinner but JPC doesn't eat any meat and basically he just ate like a potato.

Is that true? Look at us, is that true?

I heard that one time JPC's friend was eating Taco Bell and there was a roach in the taco and it laid eggs in his mouth and then they hatched.

I heard that one time JPC was eating at Wendy's and he got a finger in his chili.

Is that what you call your butt?

Yes, that story that you heard about by Dungeon Master taking me to dinner and me eating a potato is true. None of the details about it are correct, but the premise of the story is true.

Rush had his law partners bought like a $500 dinner for three people. They couldn't go, so Rush took JPC and I for free. And it's, again, like a $500 ticket for this dinner. It's like a 12-course tasting menu. And JPC's like, I don't eat meat or drink. I don't drink. So it had free wine pairings, and then also it was like very... You say free. Well, for us it was. And it was also very meat-centric. So it's funny to see the waiter like balk at like, oh, no booze and no meat. So they basically were just like, here's a roasted yam.

Yum.

I mean honestly the food was really good.

Does that mean, so if you don't drink, if I did come back for my 420 episode of Hi Riddle Riddle, will you not drink?

Are we doing that?

We're gonna get stoned, and we're gonna do, on 420, we're gonna do Hi Riddle Riddle.

Oh my god, I never ever get high, and I absolutely will for that.

I'm gonna wear one of those industrial gas masks, and it's gonna make my voice sound like Bane, so I will just read the riddles to you, and then also freak you out with my fucking industrial gas mask.

I'm so into that. Will you please come back for High Riddle?

Yeah, I'll be back.

Not you! I do the show on a weekly basis.

Alright, you guys ready for this? This is a riddle from... It's like the worst prelude to a jock jam.

Y'all ready for this? It's a riddle.

boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop Thanks for the chill podcast. This is from Ezra Blanchard. I don't know if these are any good or anything, but here are a trio of tiny riddles I came up with for my D&D campaign. If you need a clue, the answers to all three are liquids.

One man drinks, another grieves, Bane of Kings and Boon of Thieves.

Read it again. No.

Play with the Bane of Kings. One man drinks, another grieves. Bane of King and Boon of Thieves. One man drinks, another grieves.

So what would kill a king? And what's a Boon?

A Boon is Daniel Boon. He wore a coonskin cap and he had a little musket and he was a frontiersman.

Daniel, Daniel Boon, king of the Bane.

So poison kills a king.

Poison in the ear. One man drinks, another grieves, bane of king and boon of thieves. Yes, the answer is poison.

Seriously? Poison. Poison. Oh my god.

I got it. No one's really making a big deal out of it. Adal and Becca, you are the king and the queen. Erin, you are a jester who has come to court. You have nefarious means, nefarious ends, but you are here in front of the king and queen to entertain.

What ho, bring in the new jester.

Okay, we gotta stop, we gotta stop.

We gotta stop.

What a ho!

Hail and well met. You must be the new jester we've been hearing about.

Please do something to bring our marriage back together. Y'all like magic?

Do y'all like magic? I mean, I from tither to hither sometimes enjoy some prestidigitation.

Okay, well this is my guy who does music. He's gonna underscore my magic. Your assistant? Yeah, it's my assistant. He does music.

Yo, my name is DJ Squalls. Like DJ Qualls? Yeah. My favorite actor. Yeah, I misspoke. My name is DJ Qualls. I was in Thanks for watching!

Ooh, two times, two times. Take a sip.

Now your turn, your turn.

Take a sip. Walk it back. I'm dying. Take a sip, now you sip.

Oh no, she's dying. My queen! Take a sip.

No, I'm good. I'm not thirsty. I'll take a sip.

Alright, take this knife.

Oh no, his career is dying. Oh no.

Fancy.

Whatever happened to DJ Qualls?

Whatever started with DJ Qualls?

I think he got trapped in the mirror. Now the riddle begins.

Next one. Ashley movie where their grandma's trapped in the mirror? You thought that was my reference?

Which one is that?

Oh, Grandma Mirror Trap?

What is it?

What's it called?

They have a movie where their grandma's trapped in the mirror?

Yeah, it's very scary. What the hell? I know the mystery ones.

As adults they made this? It's like Hansel and Gretel.

Did you watch the mystery ones? The who stole the great hope diamond? What killed the dinosaurs? You know that one?

I was a little bit before then, I think. I was watching like Brother for Sale.

Did you ever see Winning London? That's their best movie.

Do you guys ever see Billboard Dad? I don't remember what Billboard Dad was about, but I do remember that I went to the Mall of America when I was in fourth grade.

There was a big poster for Billboard Dad. I have no memory of the grandma thing. That's terrifying though.

Okay, you guys ready for this, the second of three? See dark ichor of joy and sorrow Rejoice tonight, forget tomorrow Save tonight Alcohol Wine This is Eagle Eye Cherry Beer Is that it? Yeah I can never, I always get them and Eve six confused Look, look, look, liquid riddles See dark ichor of joy and sorrow Rejoice tonight, forget tomorrow Beer Amber Wine Erin got it again, it's wine Woo!

I'm getting some positive attention, I'm getting positive attention.

Looks like her wheelhouse is liquids. Sort of.

Vital to seas but poison to trees. Shed a tear and I'll be here.

Salt water.

Wow, you all gourd it. It was silver. It's either salt water or diamond water. It's taffy. Come on! It's the answer to saltwater taffy. Thank you, Ezra. Thank you for those.

You know what, Ezra? That was a welcome, fun little thing we did.

Wow, you're welcome for being fun.

I just want Ezra to own what he did.

That was better than Ezra predicted up top.

Oh boy. Count Only Blue Cars. My name is Count Only Blue Cars!

I have a story about a friend named Ezra. Oh yeah? Yeah, I used to hang out with him.

Is this a Jewish story?

They're Jewish. One day his older brother Alex went to punch him in the face and he ducked and then he punched me in the eye and I got a black eye.

Wait, you were standing behind him? So this is a report, it's not a story.

How old were you? So if anyone knows anyone that I could report this to.

And also this is about Alex and about what he did to you.

Yeah, well it's kind of, was it Alex's fault or was it Ezra's fault?

Alex's should have taken that punch for you. That punch was meant for him.

If Alex was punching, it's his fault. I wanted a black eye. What?

Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. We'll continue.

None of this matters. Okay, this email comes from Kevin Griffin, which is two first names. Hey crew, been loving the podcast since day one and just subscribe to the Patreon. That's how you begin an email. You can use that info as a pre-hint since you'll know that all of the answers are Okay, now I can read that part. And then there are some hints to these as well, but they are all in white letters. Man, I love it when people do the hints in an invisible ink. Cool. Riddle number one. When you gaze upon myself, you'll see me and no one else. I can't be tasted, touched, or smelled, but fire kills me for a spell. And ever if I don't seem near, just close your eyes. Hey Riddle Riddle I'm so fucking tired I was I was saying that mostly because the answer is darkness. Oh, I'm sorry fire kills me for a spell yeah Erin do you want the hint too? Focus on it's something you can see when you close your eyes and fire kills it Yeah, well Eric got it, but I wanted to know if did the hint help in retrospect?

No.

In hindsight?

Because I already got it. Okay.

What has mountains, lakes, and hills, beaches, trees... My body!

Nice.

My body, nice!

Oh yeah, those body lakes. What has mountains, lakes, and hills, beaches, trees, and cities built, and could be shredded with a knife, but does not hold a shred of life?

A globe.

Map. Atlas. Matt-apolis.

Topographic map.

Topographic map.

A map.

The answer is a map.

I think, would a globe still work?

Let's see. Globes don't have lakes, so no. Globes have everything but lakes.

I want to see a scene with Becca and JPC. You two will be Lewis and Clark. You're exploring the Louisiana Purchase, making maps about all your discoveries along the way.

Another beautiful day on the trail, eh, Lewis?

Have we run out of things to talk- I'm sorry, you go ahead.

I saw a beaver the other day!

No, I- No, it's fine. I like it that way. It does make me-

I feel like it's like a prepubescent... What do you think we'll go down in history as? You and I?

Yeah.

Well, what do I hope or what do I think will actually happen?

I don't know either. Whatever takes more time so it feels like we've been talking for a long time.

I hope that people will think that we are brave explorers who charted uncharted territory and brought a richness of spirit back to the American lands. I really, really, REALLY hope that we're not thought of as those, uh, two people who went out in the wilderness, fucked a bear, had the bear fall in love with us, then the bear- FIRES ARE BURNING! Oh boy. Hey Jeff! Morning! Wakey wakey eggs and bakey, I made breakfast!

You don't have to write any of this down. We don't have to tell anyone about this.

Eventually we'll shoot the bear. When we get to Oregon, we'll kill the bear, throw the bear into the ocean. Hey, can I defecate in those woods? Will anyone know about it, Jeff? That's why I'm asking. Oh boy, we never should have... We never should have brought Jack. Best friends! Uh-oh! I made us all necklaces. Whoa! These smell awful. Is this your feces? They're made out of bones. Man, think about people in the future talking about Lewis and Clark and Bear.

New adventures.

Ready for number three? I'll break your mind and body, make you fight- Chris Angel. Fuck!

I saw a Chris Angel show once and for his final act he just put up a huge curtain and then when they opened the curtain again someone was levitating and I was like that's trash. I could put a curtain up too. I was pissed as hell.

Did you yell that's trash?

Hey Ashley, that's trash.

Yeah, but I've also never seen you put a curtain up, so can you do it?

Jeff! I made us all necklaces. I went to the Luxor once and was gambling and walking around the floor, and then somebody excitedly approached me and they say, I work for the Luxor. Are you enjoying your stay? And I'm like, yeah. It's a big pyramid. Fun. And they're like, I have something special for you. Here's free tickets tonight to go see Carrot Top. And I laughed at them. And then they're like, no, I'm serious. And I'm like, oh, I don't want these. But they were like, so crestfallen, where they're like, surely I thought I'd make this person's day. But I'm like, I don't want your, I don't want this garbage. What year was this? This was 2009 or 2009. You wouldn't see Carrot Top in 2009?

He was the biggest name in TOPS. It's whenever he had a residency at Luxor, which is a while ago.

I think The Dragon was the biggest name in TOPS.

Becca, this is not a Jewish podcast.

Still working on it.

I'm sure for the... I'll break your mind and body, make you fight or make you fly. And if you try to rush me, I will kill you where you lie. Yet people spend their fortunes just to meet me for a night. I'm known and loved across the world. Speak my name and you'll be right.

Relief from anxiety? K.J. just nodded their head.

K.J. 's got it.

K.J., do you know? K.J. K.J.

just keeps covering their face in that composition notebook. With a giant... Inscrutable. I'll break your mind and body, make you fight or make you fly, and if you try to rush me, I will kill you where you lie. Yet people spend their fortunes just to meet me for a night. I'm known and loved across the world. Speak my name and you'll be right.

Have you ever seen that clip of the So You Think You Can Dance Jr. with Paula Abdul? The what? The reality show So You Think You Can Dance, but it's like kids. Oh yeah. A little girl dances and she does so well and she's so excited and they say that she moved on so she runs up and gives Paula Abdul a hug and then throws up all over the place.

Oh yes!

But she ended up getting into like the top ten.

Did she? Yeah. I've never re-watched anything more because Paul Abdul is like, absolutely not.

That's awesome.

Also, throwing up from joy is gotta be one of the funnier things you can do.

Also, Paul Abdul is probably getting paid so much money to judge that children's dance competition that it's like, fuck you, you got thrown up on.

I cleaned poop out of my dog's butthole today for free. It wasn't coming fast enough.

Daddy wants it now!

I was just curious if anyone here has any bodily functions they can't control when they feel a certain emotion like when you feel like excitement has anyone ever like been like oh I feel nauseous or when I feel like fear I was gonna say when I get really horny

I don't know if this is I have never said this out loud before sometimes when I get way too cold I pee I pee my pants a little just to warm yourself up no I think my but I don't know I don't know I think it's just like I think your body's trying to warm yourself how cold pretty cold right now like if I'm waiting on a platform sometimes I'll pee a little

Don't tell anybody!

You said that directly into a microphone!

If you have to pee and then you go outside you're gonna get colder faster because you're using your energy. Colder, faster, harder. So maybe your body's like I need to prioritize keeping you warm so I'm gonna not prioritize holding in your pee pee.

I've never said this out loud before. If I study too hard, I shit my pants. Shut up. When I'm really jealous, my nose bleeds.

That would be incredible. I'm so happy for you!

When I'm fake insincerity, my nose starts bleeding. Fake sincerity, which is called insincerity. Okay. None of you have gotten this riddle correct yet. I will say this one's tricky. I'll break your mind and body. The hint is that this is a liquid. No, that was not part of this. That was the other ones were all liquids. This one is just a liquid.

Okay, but it is a liquid.

I'll break your mind and body, make you fight or make you fly, and if you try to rush me, I will kill you where you lie. Yet people spend their fortunes just to meet me for a night. I'm known and loved across the world. Speak my name and you'll be right.

Is that a drug?

Yeah, it's alcohol. Erin is like six for six today. Blurp! What was that, Erin? That was an outburst. Yes, the answer is alcohol.

There's an incredible so you think you can dance dance about addiction.

Oh, I see, is it To Gravity by Sara Bareilles? Yes, with Al Capone.

Did you know he got into dance?

Al Capone-o sounds like something Adal would say, Becca, so just let that sit in. Burn! You suck! Wait a second. This is the last one, ready?

Okay.

Here we rest, my siblings and me, shackled side by side. The largest of us first, each one smaller in size behind. Touch us and we'll dance and sing, then quiet over time, and you'll earn all praise as our demanding mastermind. What name for us can you find?

So it's about kids in a line from tallest to shortest and if you touch them they sing.

Oh, it's the Von Trapps.

The Von Trapps in jail.

They're all shackled.

It's Yvonne Trapp!

Can you believe I never played that little girl?

Here we rest, my siblings and me, shackled side by side, the largest of us first, each one smaller in size behind. Touch us and we'll dance and sing, then quiet over time, and you'll earn all praise as our demanding mastermind. The answer is not an instrument per se, but it's something on the instrument.

Keys. Piano keys.

No. Something on an instrument. Fingers. Shackled side-by-side, the largest of us first, each one smaller. Strings. Strings, yes. It is instruments' strings. Chimes? Chimes hang by strings.

Hey Riddle Riddle

And they're shackled together. And they're all shackled together. Okay, they all work. Thank you, KG. This was from KG, Kevin Griffin. I guess he goes by KG, and also he's an ASL tutor. Age, sex, location? 15? Mail. The beach, baby.

You're hired. You're just tutoring people on how to use ASL? Yeah, ASL.

That's what an ASL tutor is, right? When I first saw ASL, like, because it's American Sign Language, I thought it meant like ASL because I grew up in chat rooms, baby. Erin, did you ever use chat rooms? Great.

Sometimes when I was younger, when we had AOL, I'd go into chat rooms and pretend to be someone older and glamorous. Did anyone ever play Sissy Fight? No.

No.

It was like a game that you could play online, and it was like teasing other kids and doing stuff to try to win, but it was basically a place for people to chat and talk dirty to each other under the guise of a game for children.

We're gonna see a quick scene. Erin and Becca, you are both on separate computers. You're playing Kitty Fight? Sissy Fight. You're playing Sissy Fight together on separate computers and you're like reading out loud what the things that you're typing in.

So what do you think about butts?

I'm on here to actually play the game very seriously, and I don't want to talk about anything inappropriate because this is honestly some- But.

But. What's your name? Butts? Your name's Butts? My name is Claire. Claire Butts?

No, just Claire. I don't want to say my last name. My parents told me not to.

Oh, so you're young.

So you're young.

Me too. Cool. So that's okay. Butts. Great.

Hey, any bears in here?

Is your name Tom Colicchio?

Uh, no. Is Tom Colicchio a bear? Mm-hmm. Oh.

Butts. What do you think about butts?

Uh, butts are cool. Depending on the age.

What?

Older butts are appropriate. Younger butts are not.

You might want to leave then.

I'm a cop. I'm a fair cop.

Someone should give you a show.

All right, bear cop, in my office now. What did I do? Your mission was to bust the kitty talk. You don't even know what my- Hold on, let me- I got a folder right here. Sissy talk. I made us necklaces. I'm sorry? Wow.

I made us necklaces. These are great. These are for both of us? Also, I did what you asked and I punched Sissy Spacek.

No! Bearcott! You said sissy fight. That's it, you're off the force. Give me your bear and your gun. What? Uh oh.

Bear, gun on my desk.

Bear, gun in my office. Becca, do you have anything upcoming that you would like to promote?

I'm trying to think about if I earned it. Monday nights at 8 p.m. at the Iowa Theatre, Lil Tooties. It's a fun show.

Oh, that's my favorite Herald team. Becca's on my favorite Herald team.

How much are tickets to that show?

How much what? How much are tickets to that show? Tickets. How much are tickets to that show?

Becca doesn't know. You have no idea?

Guess. I know. Becca underscore Barish. How much are tickets to that show?

I know, but I want you to guess. 12. 14. You're worth it. I have no idea. Seriously, they're the best heroes.

You ever see those L'Oreal commercials where they're like, because we're worth it too, but then the kids are saying it not like on time with the way that's supposed to sound? I have a lot to send you after this. Prioritize the kids discovering the internet. Can I ask one other unrelated question? Did you ever watch We Sing videos?

Oh my god, I was obsessed with We Sing.

Did you watch the magical musical man?

Yeah, it was my favorite one. We named our cat Cadenza because of the name of the cat in the house. Cadenza?

Cadenza.

It's a musical term.

Yeah. I was just curious because that is a lot about riddles for kids. Yep. Yeah. Oh my god. There's this doorknocker who does riddles and then there's this aunt who just like is horrendous at trying to solve riddles.

What the fuck is this? It's a kids, it's like a kids series of videos and they have like a bunch of songs in them.

Yeah, kids pop. There's like, we sing in Sillyville, we're about a woman who loses her colors, so you learn about the different colors. There's Big Rock Candy Mountain, and then there's another one that, there's King Cole's Party, but one of my favorite ones is Magical Musical Mansion. Grandpa's Toys. But in this one, there's all these people who play, do like instruments and do songs and stuff like that, and suddenly they all get stolen from in the middle of the night, and you don't know who did it.

The clarinet, the clarinet. I feel like I'm getting punked right now, Adal.

Yeah, this feels like a trap.

I'm obsessed with those videos. You know the Red family from We Sing Sillyville? That is what Nightmares are made of.

So check out Becca Barish at WeSingSillyville.com.

JPC, do you remember that show, um, Who's Got the Answer Now? Oh yeah, with Weasel Cop. Yeah, with Weasel Cop, and then there was that upside-down kangaroo where the pouch was like more of a face mask.

Yeah, his name is Thermometer.

Erin, where can people find you?

Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and I'll promo my shows there and Erin Keif 2 on Twitter but I don't really tweet. Sometimes I retweet Becca.

Thank you. Yeah.

You're welcome. It's my pleasure.

I was just talking to both Adal and Erin about how I think my tweets are underrated.

I gotta follow you. I gotta follow you!

Yeah, follow me in those places. Oh, also follow us at HeyRiddleRiddle on Instagram and Twitter, and then email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.com if you want to send us some riddles, or more D&D riddles. We could do this again.

Yeah, we'll do this again tomorrow. Yeah, we'll send them in because I know all you nerds are out there rolling your d20s and your d6s.

Also, I've never done D&D because no one's ever asked me. I've never been invited.

So if you play D&D, direct message Erin, invite her to your games.

She wants to go. Adal, what do you plug in? You can check me out in my apartment furiously writing the new movie Mormamia. Also check out our website HeyRiddleRiddle.com.

Yeah, it's easy to remember because it's the name of our show and then you just put .com on it. Oh, Becca, why don't you say more shit?

Becca. It's really important. Yeah, what's up? I was gonna ask if we could include an audio clip of the door knocker from Magical Musical Night. Yes, we can. Just to prove that it's true. Yeah, we absolutely can. How do you do, my friend? How do you do?

We do not have the rights to this.

GPC, anything you want to plug?

Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter at JPsofly or on Instagram at sharkbarkman. Our Patreon is launched and live so you can find our Patreon at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Five dollars a month you can join the clue crew and then you get a bonus episode every Friday until we all die, which is great and thank you so much to all of the people that have already signed up and we hope that you enjoy the episodes that are already live on the site.

Thank you to Becca for being here with us today. Thank you who took my voice!

And Becca, I hope that one day you'll come back and join us, but until then it's time for you to go back to your home planet of Jupiter! Bye-bye!

That was a Hate Gum podcast.