Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast.

Hey Erin, didn't you have some super exciting news to tell me?

Oh my god, are you obsessed with me? Are you obsessed with me?

Get in the car.

We do have some exciting news. Would you like to share it? Let's share it one word at a time.

Okay. We have a Patreon that is currently launched.

Are you guys recording without me? Damn it, Adal! He went to the bathroom and we decided to do this. Shut up! He's obsessed with us.

He's obsessed with us. Should I go back to my corner?

It's currently launched and you can find us at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle.

That's the name of our podcast with a slash.

And how much does it cost a month?

You can give any amount that you want, but we recommend giving $5, because that's the only one that unlocks content.

Great!

Wait, are we getting paid?

No, don't worry about it, go back to your corner. So yeah, $5 a month, you can join the Clue Crew, you get access to all of our bonus episodes, they drop every Friday.

Yeah, do they come out on Friday, and are they freaking great?

Yeah, they're freaking great, they're freaking full freaking length.

I would say these are seriously some of my favorite episodes we've recorded.

Yeah, they're the only good ones. Adal, do you have anything to fucking add? Um, at one point I thought it'd be funny if we called our Patreon the Clue Fox Fam.

I wish you had peed longer. I wish you had had more pee.

I wish you had peed all of the water out of your entire body and you turned into a mummy.

This is why we tried to record this without you here.

You fucked us!

I don't care that we hurt your feelings. I don't care.

Alright, KG, take us out. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Oh, then we're going to finish. It was the captain of an airplane. He stabbed him with the nicest way.

And the horse came riding.

Hey, Riddle Red. This is Puzzy's Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum.

We are getting sued. We're getting sued. There's no way we don't go to jail. Sweet mouth like this, I cannot go to jail.

Sweet nose like that, it's not coming out. Cannot go to jail.

So it's sweet nose, sweet mouth, and sweet eyes, aka Adal Rifai.

Sweet Valley High's own Adal Buh-Bye.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Erin Keif.

I'm John Patrick Coan. My name is the Adal Rifai.

And we've made it.

And we've made it. And we're here and we've made it. Welcome to the top. Looks pretty good from on top of old Kilimanjaro.

So high up. Can't believe we hiked all the way to the intro of this episode.

Took a while. JPC, did you spit in my drink?

Yes. Just for the listeners at home, I got back from a Starbucks run.

Nice.

I thought it worked pretty well. Where I got everybody coffee, but a little surprise, I spit in everyone's coffee.

You should have spit in one person's coffee and then let fear do the rest.

Okay, and I didn't do that. I did spit in everyone's coffee, but everyone has a special type of spit. So yes, Erin, you have my spit. Adal, you have my butt spit, aka a little bit of my shit. And KJ, you have the spit of my heart, a.k.a.

blood. Oh, gosh. Ew!

Guys, all kinds.

I gotta run to the bathroom.

I gotta get a butt spit real quick. I did all four types of spit in everyone's drink. Mine is the spit of the spleen bile.

Doesn't that sound like what Shakespeare would call blood? The spit of my heart poured on the ground.

Yes, of course. No, I didn't spend anyone's drinks. I wanted you all to enjoy your drinks free of worry, of contaminants. I even had all of the baristas wash themselves full-body before they began to process. They have an emergency shower, one of those chemistry lab emergency showers to wash off acids and stuff, and I made them Do a couple of rounds in there.

In case one of those Jurassic Park dinosaurs frilled their necks and spit all over the place.

I threw a bath bomb in there. I had enough fun with it. They had a good time. And JPC, you are Old Man Spittles? I'm Old Man Spittles for this episode, so I have all the spittles and riddles, and I will puzzle you with them throughout the episode.

I can't wait. And let's get this!

And by that, dear listeners, what we mean is that we have rented a party bus. We are recording this from on a bus, and we are literally getting the show on the road, although we are stopped at a traffic light.

And it looks like the traffic light is out and the road is closed. So we will get this Party Bus movie just as soon as we figure out what is going on. It looks like there was some sort of being told it was a murder in the road of geese. Okay, so these riddles, these warm-up riddles, some people when they submit riddles to us and waste our fucking time with the bullshit that they know. Some people when they submit riddles they'll submit just warm up riddles, like pretty easy ones to solve. So I've taken a few of the warm up riddle submissions and we're going to do them today. I will give people some shout outs for if they sent in a riddle. This one is from Lori. Lori, you didn't say whether or not I should read your last name, so I will not. I will say that this was sent from an Xperia by Sony smartphone. So that should narrow down who Lori is. Yeah, it's an Xperia by Sony smartphone. If you rip a hole in me, there will be fewer holes than when you started. What am I? Skin, human skin. Thank you, next.

Cheese.

Thank you next. By the way, I will be saying thank you next if you don't get the riddle correct. I'm so fucking grateful for my ex. Okay. If you rip a hole in me, there will be fewer holes than when you started.

If you rip a hole in me, there will be fewer ways. Wow. That's deep. Am I right?

Uh, yeah. I mean, no. Uh, thank you, next. But that is actually, that's a really good answer. If you rip a hole in me... Rip a hole makes me sound like I'm farting too hard. I just ripped a hole.

Larry the cable guy, get her dirt. I got a butt spit and then I gotta rip a hole. I gotta go rip a hole.

Is it an object?

Yes. Rip Torn? Is it Rip Taylor?

Yes, if you rip a hole in Rip Torn, you have less Rip Torns.

You ever think about what Rip Torn's tombstone's gonna say? Uh oh.

Hmm.

I think it might go a little something like this.

He died a man in black.

Um, okay.

If you rip a hole in me, Rip is such a violent word. If you rip a hole in me, you have fewer holes than when you started. Yeah, there will be fewer holes than when you started. Pants! So whatever this has already has holes in it.

Pants! So if you rip a hole, if you rip a hole in the middle, it's one hole.

Am I?

Honestly, am I? I can't really hear myself. I think I have an ear infection.

You mean an ear TI?

Yeah, I have an ear A couple years ago, the sweetest little girl, I love her a lot, she stabbed a paintbrush in my ear and popped my eardrum in my right ear and now I get a lot of weird questions.

She was an accident.

She was like a three-year-old girl and she liked to pretend to put makeup on me and so she would just grab a paintbrush that didn't have anything on it. and she went like close your eyes because she like I thought she wanted to put and she tried to stab your brain and then she just like lined it up and then poked. It sounds like it was premeditated.

If she says close your eyes and then stuff.

She went close your eyes bitch.

No, you're not, you dumb piece.

She's the best little kid in the world and then she got, I scared her so bad because I screamed obviously and I was bleeding and I was like, ahhh!

And she got seven to ten?

And she started screaming and sobbing.

Yeah, seven to ten minutes in time out.

And then she just like pep my head and was like, you're okay! She was so scared. But anyways, now I get ear infections. What was the riddle and what was I saying?

It was, tell the most terrible thing about your life, was the riddle. I guess Erin got it. That sounds terrible.

And then her and her mom made me a little card that was like, lend me your ear because I want to say I'm sorry.

Too soon.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. Too soon to be cute with it. If my kid skewered a teacher's eardrum with a paintbrush, I'd be worried about a lawsuit and I would not be cutesy.

My dad hit a guy with a car when we were growing up and the guy lost his leg in my dad's cinema card that said, Learn to let go.

Real piece of work. It's pants.

No. That's technically right. I want to see a quick scene where Erin is who she is, her own beautiful self. You got stabbed in the eardrum and JPC, you're a parent whose kid did that. You've come into the school not to apologize because you seem very flippant about it, but you just talked to Erin.

Gotcha.

Oh, uh, so... Was that the beginning of Push It?

Push It? That really wasn't... I'm new to town and this school is for my kid. Okay. So you're, um, you're Air Ben or whatever? What? You're Air Ben? Are you? My kid? You're my kid Matilda's teacher?

Uh, uh, are you trying to say Erin?

I don't know your name. Okay. I just saw it in an email.

Yeah, sorry. Can you talk a little quieter? Yeah, I'm a Tilda's teacher.

How can I help you? How much does a teacher earn a year?

Earn?

I'm sorry? I'm only saying the word spelled. Because we can make this go away.

Well, in this state, this town, I make about like $40,000 a year.

$40,000 a year? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, you just say a number and we can kind of, we can make this whole thing go away.

Okay, four? A number for what?

Look, my kid did something to you, okay?

And now you probably want- She stabbed me in the ear with a knife.

Oh, all right. All right.

Where she got that knife and where she learned how to do that, I guess we'll never know, Perrin.

Well, we picked it up on our- She picked up the knife from our lake house. It's a- We have a small little cottage on, like eerie. And that's where she got the knife.

All right, well, must be nice.

What? I didn't say anything. Look, what do you want to make this go away?

I want you to switch places with me for one week.

Thunderstorm, Thunderstorm Lightning, Freaky Friday. Okay, deal. Same. I like that you sound like you were calling her an Airbender. Are you Airbend Keif? Airbend Keif.

Urban Keif. Are you Keith Urban? Keith Urban, Urban Keif. No, rip a hole in me, there will be fewer holes than where you started.

Oh, it's pants.

It needs to be something with a lot of holes. Because there will be fewer holes if you rip a hole. A Swiss cheese? No.

A window.

What has a lot of holes? Screen. This thing is basically all holes. Pumice.

No. Screen. It's not a food. Do you think pumice is... A screen? Yeah. Mesh tank top. Do you think pumice is food?

Pumice.

Do you think pumice is purple hummus?

Screen is not the answer here, but it is very close because a screen is like mesh.

Screen two. What else is screen like? Screen like Mish. Mish synced up.

I think I will accept a screen here, but what's like a screen that you would apply to the sea? Annette.

Annette.

Annette. The answer is Annette.

You are a woman named Annette. You're gonna rip a hole and a woman named Annette.

If you rip a hole and a woman named Annette and then say, then you're a little demon child. But yes, the answer is Annette. Thank you so much, Lori. You can find Lori on her Sony smartphone by Xperia. That's X-P-E-R-I-A. I've never heard of that before. When you send emails from your phone, does it have that thing at the bottom that's like typed on my phone? That is included? Mine isn't for some reason. I think I turned it off. But I've heard that you should put it on there so people know that you're taking emails even when you're on your phone.

What are some hot fucking great content you're spitting?

What are some more tech tips?

This brings us to our first ever JPC's tech tips.

Adal, you're shouting.

Fucking genius bar. Okay, would you like my tech tips?

Why don't you attend the Genius Bar? Here's my first tech tip for you. If you are wearing headphones on the train, people will assume that you're listening to music, but you can turn those headphones off, keep them in your ears, and listen to people's conversations. A lot of times they talk about their personal finances or where they put their treasure. This has been JPC Tech Tips. This has been my Tech Tips Quarter. Join us next week for even more tech tips. We'll never record one of those again. Okay, are you guys ready for another warm-up, Riddle?

I am, thank you for having me.

Or would you rather do another tag tag?

Warm-up.

Okay, so the title of this email is Dumb and Silly Riddles, in parentheses, probably good for warm-ups. This is from Robert. Robert, I don't know, Robert, if you want me to include your last name, so I will not. Robert writes, these are two very silly and dumb worm of riddles. I've included some hints for each one, and Robert loves the show. Which, who knows why? Riddle number one. What animal has the biggest breasts? It's a net. It's a net. What animal has the biggest breasts?

Erin. Erin, why?

For listeners, Erin just grabbed her bazoomas.

KJ's like, please get me out of here. It's gotta be chicken.

Turkey. I have hant. I have hant. Turkey's got big breasts. Cows got udders. Probably turkeys. Ostrich. Riddle hint number one. This is the first hint. There's two, I think. The answer involves some dumb wordplay. What animal has the biggest breasts?

Ostrich. A teddy mouse?

I said ostrich ten minutes ago. Did you not hear me from your fucking pop-deer drug?

I can't hear.

What a convenient pop-deer drug. It involves wordplay. So when we think of, okay, okay, I know what's going on. You do know what's going on? Double-breasted. It's gonna be something, Erin grew up. It's gonna be something involving huge boobs. It's gonna be... I do like where you're going with double-breasted. It's not the right answer. But isn't there like a double-breasted booby? Yes. Is it something, is it play on like Dolly Parton?

No, no. The animal, the animal's name is the wordplay. I was going to say like Colly Parton. And a man wrote this? Well, no. Excellent. No, this is from Robert, but we don't know if that's a man. So what was the last clue you gave? You said it is... The answer involves dumb wordplay. I do have one more hint. A C-cup bra is bigger than a B-cup bra.

Is it ocean?

Is it sea cup bra? No, it's not ocean.

Like S-E-A?

No, no, no, no, no. No, it's all spelled out. Like sea cup is bigger than bee cup. And that's the logic that will get you to the answer. D cup. Keep going. E cup. Keep going. F cup. You gotta keep going all the way. Z cup. What's up? Z cup. Peacock.

Z bra.

Z bra.

Kill me!

No!

No!

So, Erin liked that one. By the way, his answer says AZ bra. AZ in the parentheses AZ bra. Get it? Cricket sounds. So, you didn't get cricket sounds unless crickets make the no, no, no sound. Which would be a great sound if crickets made.

If they're just as common as they are now. No, no, no. Damn it! Damn it!

Damn it, Steve! Where are the keys to the Honda, Steve? I wish crickets were like parrots, so like parrot, they just took people's complaints and then magnified those baggage crickets out.

Isn't it nice to be out in the country, honey? No, no, no.

I like just getting away, just getting away from the city. Did you fuck her? Did you fuck her?

Call your whore, Steve! You're laughing. I'm laughing now.

Okay, are you guys ready for his Roberts? We don't know his.

Honestly, thank you next.

Thank you next. All the best jokes end with get it. Alright, Riddle II, what three-letter word turns boys into men and girls into women? Motown Philly. Is that right? No, it's not. No town, Philly. No town, Philly. Three letter word? Yeah. Uh, no. Three letter word turns boys into men and girls into women.

Hers.

Boys into men, girls into women. He.

He. He. Add a letter, hers.

You said hers and he, which is a two letter word and a four letter word. Four letters is pubes.

Uh... Eleven.

No, thank you, next. What three letter word turns boys to men? Yes, three letter word turns boys into men and girls into women. Is there a cover, is there a boys to men cover group called girls to women? Not yet. Can there be? Don't look at me. I'll produce it. What three letter word turns boys to men? I have hints too.

Alright, I'll take a hint.

Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Age. Okay, this can't possibly be this person's name. Hold on, let me see if they signed it. Is it Blomba? Wow. It's from four people, but they're... Okay, I'll read their name at the end. Is it the Four Horsemen? No, they're... Is it us? I will say this. So the title of this email is stupidly simple.

Wait, Erin, how many people do you think host this show?

I see four people in this room right now.

Wow! Letters got a hosting job. Nice job, Letters.

Taking away Letters!

Stupidly simple warm-up Riddle. The person's Gmail name is Alice in Wonderland. So Alice in Wonderland? That can't be a real person's name, right?

No, it's a joke.

It's a pun. I get baked, but I don't get high. I wear a jacket, but I'm not a guy. I get smashed, but I do not drink. I am white or orange, but never pink.

What am I? Guy Fury.

No, and it's Fieri. Guy Fieri.

Fieri.

Guy Fieri.

Fieri.

Fieri. Fieri. Fieri. Fieri. Fieri. Fieri.

Fieri.

Fieri.

Fieri.

Fieri.

Alright, read it again.

Think about it, kids. Don't do drugs. Give some kisses. You give some hugs. Gonna talk to mom. Gonna talk to dad. Gonna be real happy. Ain't gonna get sad.

Just want to bring up one more thing. If you're a kid, you should do drugs. Drugs are cool and doing them's fine. Do drugs if you're a kid all the time.

This is a riddle.

This is, this is a riddle. Do you guys know the answer to this riddle?

No.

Erin, do you want to even fucking try?

No! Do you want to show up for work today? Thank you, Nick. So what is... Uh, Riddle, one more time. I get baked for a don't get high. I get baked for a don't get high. I wear a jacket. So far, it's like a cake. I wear a jacket. You're on the right track. I wear a jacket, but I'm not a guy. Cake. That's a band cake.

Hot dog. I get smashed, but I do not drink. I am white or orange, but never pink. I think the... I get baked and I get smashed are probably the most important clues of this one. I get baked but I get smashed.

Potatoes.

The answer is potato. My favorite food. White or orange, but never pink. Sweet potatoes, regular potatoes. And they said, P.S. my name is Allison, me and my husband Rob love your podcast, and we have two cats, but neither one is a really kitty.

Is Rob Robert from the last round?

Yes, they're married. Does he say how they met? Is his name Rob Wonderland? Yes, his name is Rob Wonderland.

My name is Mabadi. Last name is a wonderland.

It's Bob. He has a nice body. It's a wonderland. They sent a couple photos of their cats because they're very cute. They were both strays and now they're both lazy chalks. Their two cats are named Elixir Black and Meme White. I will show you these pictures later. And they sign that love Alison, Rob, Elixir, and Meme. These are really cute cats.

How do you think Alison and Rob met?

Oh, it's that convention. Rob was tracking down Allison's previous husband's killer. So here are their cats. Classic love story. They're white and black. They're a little salt and pepper shaker. They're hugging. They're little love bugs. They're little cute guys. Thank you so much for sending us your riddles and thank you even more for sending us pictures of your cats. We are from the planet Malbec and we eat pictures of cats. Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf.

Now put arms on it. Now where it would have legs, more arms. More arms. Imagine a centipede, except those little legs are human arms. And it's called, uh, it's called Kinko Bra.

Now I'm just imagining a snake, like, putting up its hands, like, putting them up.

Yeah, and the arms are jacked. Well, like, the top two arms are jacked, and then the bottom two are, like, atrophied.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I'm so fucking grateful for my arms. Thank you next!

Now I listen and laugh.

Keep going.

Alright, the title of this riddle, I love riddles with titles, is burning down the building. An old apartment building caught fire.

I liked it whenever your old band puzzles, you get like a real radio voice going on. Yeah, thank you so much. Next. An old apartment... Usually you just like, usually you sit back and dick around and then whenever you're old man puzzles you're like, uh, uh, listen to this. So there was a man and, uh, uh, he was walking down.

I'm serious. All of a sudden my personality has changed and I'm down to business.

At the top of the hour we're gonna have, uh, uh, news and traffic. Uh, we- Fuck.

And then when you're not old man puzzles you're like,

Eddie Klinker and James Dugan and I play that Gloomhaven game on Twitch. Adal, you played it with us once. But in the rules- Haven't been asked back. I've never been invited. You would hate it. In the rules for like the mission that you read, sometimes there are special rules like at the very bottom of the rule book and I always like get to it and I get so surprised and go, special rules! And they make fun of me relentlessly for the way I say special rules. But you know what? It's good to have presentation. Is that show or...? Okay, you fucking talk about Cunt the Badger on every episode. Don't throw it in my face when I plug another one of my projects.

I don't have other projects, Adal Riddle. I'm a monogamous. I'm monogamous. I'm monogamous.

I don't have other projects, I'm monogamous.

I'm monogamous.

Erin has a wine glass right now that she poured a full bottle of wine into and only half of the glass is full.

What is that glass? Erin also just texted me, thank you sexts.

Monogamous. I'll never do other art. This is my only art.

Burning down the building. This hardly qualifies as art. This is crap. What we do is trash. An old apartment building caught fire. Most apartments were damaged badly, and many people were left homeless. An investigator arrived from the fire department. They were left what? Homeless. An investigator arrived from the fire department. A shady man pulled him aside into a dark corner of the building and handed him $500 bills. It would be better for both of us, said the Shady Man, if something went wrong with the investigation. Lose the papers or whatever.

The man is Eminem.

The investigator looked at the money and protested. But the landlord would want to file an insurance claim and needs our report. He won't mind, the Shady Man replied. Be nice to other victims and don't ask questions. The investigator pocketed the money and conveniently forgot the case. Why did the landlord not get upset?

Because the landlord was the one who started the fire.

Landlords are fire. Landlord burned alive. I don't know the answer to this riddle, so I'll have to look it up. But there is clues to this riddle, just so everyone is in the know here. All right, I think the landlord was the guy. You think the landlord was the shady man? Yes. Okay, that's a very good answer. But why wouldn't the landlord want the insurance money?

Because he made more money somehow by it, or whatever.

Yes, the answer is he made more money somehow or whatever. So Erin got it right, actually, in a sense. Erin's the smartest one here.

I would like to see a scene. Okay. Erin is so over this. Okay, I'm ready. I would like GPC to be a shady landlord. Okay. And Erin, you are a tenant looking to, or someone looking to be a tenant in this building that the landlord owns. And you have a lot of energy.

Hello?

Hello, Ayo.

Are you my three o'clock? Did I see the building?

Oh god, sorry. You just, you came out of nowhere. Are you, is your shirt the same pattern as the wallpaper?

Yes. I have many copies of this shirt. I bought them after I bought the, I got a deal. Shirts and wallpaper all in the same day. My name is Gary. Ah, I'm the building manager, the landlord. You're looking at Apartment 2C, is that correct?

Yeah, sorry, I'm trying to find an apartment and a pinch. I just broke up with my partner and we shared a place and they're keeping a place, so now I need to find out.

Wow, I didn't know about an apartment and a pinch, but I have an apartment in this building. Just a little landlord humor.

What just came out of your mouth?

Sorry, I've been eating cigarettes all day. Now use it. You wanted to see apartment 2C? I'd love to see you in that apartment. Yeah, if you catch my drift.

Okay.

Get it? My pants are made of driftwood.

Yeah, where are your shoes made out of?

These are human skulls.

What?

Yeah, you know, graveyards. The best shoes is what they say. Come on up to the apartment, here you go. Click, click, click. Ah, here we go, the main room. Ignore all the crabs. I'm doing a thing with crabs in here right now. They'll be all cleared out by the time you're ready to scuttle in.

What is that smell?

Sorry, put my fingers in your mouth.

Honestly, that's my favorite character you've ever played. You sounded like the giant gnat from the Star Wars movie. What? The giant gnat from the Star Wars movie? There's like that giant flying elephant gnat who owns Anakin. Oh, Grotto? No. Siboba?

No. Siboba was the racer. Excuse me?

What is this? How many Polish people does it take to change a subulba? Oh no. Any. That's like grotto or blotto. I don't know. That's who you sounded like. Okay. Good. It's meant to be a... Does anyone have any answers to you, Riddle?

Um, I don't know.

Do you guys want hints? I would love hints. You've given zero answers, so it's probably time for hints. I'd love hints. Wait, are we still in the landlord world? Yes. I thought we got it. What did you say? Erin said that the shady guy was the landlord.

Yes, but why did he not want the investigation?

Read us the hints. We'll figure it out.

You forgot what money was.

Adal and I are smart.

Did anyone bribe the landlord? No. Did the fire destroy evidence of a crime? No. Did a tenant set the fire, perhaps, out of anger? No.

Alright, we're further over.

The landlord was the human torch. Johnny Storm. Scene. Period. So what do we have to... We have to figure out why the landlord did it?

Yeah, because the landlord said that they didn't want an investigation. It would be better for both of us at the Shady Man. A dragon started the fire.

The guy was indebted to the dragon. He didn't want to make a man.

No. This answer to this question is, I mean, this landlord's a real piece of shit. A real slumlord. Millionaire. Do you guys want to know the answer? Yes, please. So the Shady Man, Erin is correct, the Shady Man was the landlord. Cool. Which I think was pretty obvious from the riddle, but why? Why did he set the fire?

So he could build a much more beautiful, rich person building there.

Yes, it's very close. The land was viable, but the building was nasty.

So the landlord set fire to his own building. It was occupied by tenants who paid a low rent that was restricted by law. If they moved out, then he would have vacant apartments that could be offered at much higher rent than before. Incurring fire damage was a sensible investment for it to remove the low rent tenants and permit elegant remodeling into luxury apartments that could fetch a very high rent. Apartment was the name of his Phoenix. This brings us to our first ever segment, JPC's If This Was My Landlord. As we all know in this segment, if this was my landlord, fans write in with scenarios, and I think Adal, you have one of these fan scenarios that they wrote in. This is a scenario of a real life, something that a landlord did, and we will read it, and then I will give my response to what I would do in their shoes.

Okay, this is from PJ in Carlsville, North Carolina, and he says that he had a landlord who, whenever he would leave his apartment, the landlord would come into his apartment, go through the fridge, eat some of his food, and not lock the door when he left.

If this was my landlord, here's what I would do. I would make homemade ravioli, but instead of meat or cheese inside, I would fill them with my poop. I would put my poop ravioli in my fridge. I would label it special ravioli. Do not eat. I would cover it in a sweet, tangy, spicy marinara sauce. Landlord would come into my apartment, eat all of my poop, and then I would bust out of my closet and say, guess what? Shitlord, you just ate my poop. This has been If This Was My Landlord, a recurring segment on this show. It appears just after JPC's tech quarter. Tech tips. Tech tips.

I'm never going to have a segment.

Oh, Erin, you'll have a segment. No, never. What about Sleepy Girl Fall Asleep Under a Tree?

They only think I'm good at maybe.

This brings us to our first ever, Erin says, this guy's got me scared to death.

First ever?

First ever.

People were furious at me.

Oh, one guy loved it.

One guy.

Probably. Okay, caught in the act. A woman walked into a police station.

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Don't really start the rhythm.

Okay.

Yeah, what's the joke? I want to report a pickpocket, she announced, a man staggered in behind her, his hand in her coat pocket. Arrest that man, she continued, pointing at him. What is the fucking end of this, Riddle? He was arrested? He was arrested? Where do we go from here? He was arrested, tried, and convicted of picking pockets. Why did he enter the police station in a posture that obviously suggested his crime?

He would steal an already chewed gum out of her pocket. It got stuck in her pocket.

She put a bear trap in her pocket.

I mean, yeah, my guess is that she has some sort of like, but even if it's a mousetrap, why wouldn't he just pull his hand out?

Because it's attached, it's sewn in, it's a mousetrap.

Because the man jumped into the tub, which released the ball, which dropped the basket. You're thinking of a room tube tube machine. I'm thinking of a room tube, yes.

Ah, a room tube. A room tube machine.

Okay, I have to see a scene. Erin, you have just created a room tube machine.

I'm so mad at me.

No, you've just created a room tube machine. Adal, you are paying attention. This is your client who made her to create a Rube Goldberg machine in your apartment to help you propose to your girlfriend. This is a Rube Tube machine is what she has created. She's gonna be walking you through the Rube Tube machine.

Alright, come on in, watch your step, watch your step.

Oh, um, this is not exactly what I thought. So, again, I had mentioned that maybe I light a candle. There's a string above the candle, it slowly starts to burn, it snaps, and then from the release of that string, there's going to be a chicken that lays an egg, the egg's going to fall, crack open. It's going to cook. The smell of that wafts over to a cat. The cat starts to run. The running of the cat triggers a light bulb. When the light bulb turns on, it would illuminate a ring that I'm holding next to the ball.

Okay, yeah. I think I misunderstood. I just connected all your pipes to your other pipes.

Can you walk me through? What is? You connected all my pipes?

Yeah, I just connected everything that looks like a tube in your apartment. Now it's all one big thing.

There's a potato stuck in this pipe.

Mm-hmm.

Don't pull that out. Saboba? Ah, it's me, Andy.

But if you go through all the tubes, you get to this little guy.

Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. I asked for a Rube Goldberg machine. A Rube Tube machine. You built me a Rube Tube machine. And you're a pod racer.

Ahh.

Metagloria, it's Andy.

But he's holding the ring. She's gonna say yes.

I'll hold the ring.

Hey, if it's meant to be, the proposal doesn't matter. You can propose if she's really the love of your life. But this guy's walking on his arms? What? What? Don't worry about this guy.

I'm a snake with arms.

You kind of are staying with her, but you have like catfish tendrils. Yeah. I need... Can you? Okay. Oh, she's coming. She's coming. Okay. You two do me a favor? Yeah. I need you two to propose to her. Make it romantic, maybe like poetry or something. Yeah, it's a rube-tube-tube-boogie. Yeah, it's a rube-tube-tube-boogie. I'm gonna go get the ring. Okay, here she comes. Hello? You're in the wrong place.

Just kidding. Come in. Scene?

I thought that was Batman.

I'm Batman. I'm Batman.

I'm Batman. I'm Batman. Why do we fall, Siboba?

Again, I don't think that's Siboba. That's Waluigi? Yeah, that's Waluigi.

Oh, we learned from letters themselves, we learned from KJ, wa in Japanese means evil. Oh! So that's why it's Wario Waluigi. Interesting. Because the prefix wa means evil. Really wish we could have learned that on Mike. Which is why water.

I tell, never learn on Mike.

Which is why waffles. Yeah, are evil fools. Evil bread. Evil awful. Mommy, cook me some evil bread.

Oh boy. Do you guys want some questions answered about this?

Can we make like a Kit Kat bar and take a break? Can we not do it in the middle of a riddle? Are we in the middle of a riddle? Yes! What's our riddle? Pickpocket thing? That's more of a short story.

Okay, was he really a pickpocket? Yes. Did he want to be arrested? No. Did he act rationally? Yes. Your guess is mousetrap in the pocket?

Yeah, he would get hurt if he pulled his hand out of the pocket.

I think it's like super glue attached to maybe like child pornography or something or it's like if he takes his hand out he's ruined.

Oh my god. You know that old trick? Yeah, that old trick.

You know in Home Alone, you put the iron on the door, he put broken ornaments under the window, and then he put super glue on top of your own pornography? Yeah. So that when they grabbed it, they're like, we have to stay in the house, because otherwise...

What are we here remembering that wrong? If I go outside, I'm fucked. Okay, I don't know.

So the sticky bandits. Anyway, so you guys are correct with mousetrap, kind of. In this true story, a neighborhood pickpocket was caught by a woman, the wife of an 18th century inventor, Peter Cooper, who sewed fish hooks into her coat pocket. When he caught his hand on the hooks, she told him, I am going to the police station and you are coming with me. He cooperated to prevent serious injury to his hand.

So it's kind of like that.

This guy, well hold on, this guy I would just like to say is an inventor and what he invented was the worst coat of the world!

When I'd go to school and bring my lunch, I would always have like a fruit roll up and somebody kept stealing the fruit roll up for my lunch and eating it and this happened for like months and then eventually my mom got fed up so she took a fruit roll up, soaked it in hot sauce and like the hottest hot sauce, put it back on the film, rolled it back up, put it back in the package and somebody stole it and then after that day they never stole my fruit roll up again. I was in like third grade or something

What if what happened is that person, your mom followed you all day, that person bit into it, was like, ow! And that's how she knew, and then she'd just like cut their throat.

Oh, my mom kills. Sleep now. My mom kills. Erin, you want to see a scene?

Based on the movie hook? Yeah, I want to see a scene. And I want, um, uh, JPC, you're this evil, not evil, but just genius.

Mustachioed.

Mustachioed genius who keeps inventing these things. And you're his wife, and you're like... The egg man. There's... Like, a lot of the, like, you're trying to be gentle, but like, these are mostly destructive and not helpful.

Okay.

Knock, knock, knock. I brought some chili. Oh, oh, thank you. I'm so hungry. I've just been in here squirreling away, working on my inventions. Uh, dear, would you care to test my newest invention? Um, I really don't. No, it's, it's perfectly safe. It won't do anything to you, a woman. It's a telephone that when you pick up the telephone, it cuts off your penis.

I don't see the

Hi, I just wanted to call every number I could think of and ask you to not call me because if I pick up this phone my penis gets jumped off.

Wait a second, did Thomas Edison beat me to my penis phone?

Yes, he started selling these last week! Aww, Edison!

Yes! Are you using your own phone? Yes!

I messed up.

I wonder how many numbers there are. Well, it's just me, Edison, and Alex in a grand battle.

Four, three, two, one.

Watson, come in here. I need you. See? All right. Well, we are going to take a quick little break and cut our penises off. We will see you after these presages. Presages?

Hey, Erin. You're a pretty unique person, would you agree?

Yeah, I'm pretty and unique.

Yeah, you're unique.

Okay.

Or you nitty. Yeah. What do you sleep on?

Um, sometimes it's just like a bunch of newspapers stacked on top of each other of like when I've been in the news. Um, and sometimes it's JPC.

That's a pretty thin amount of newspapers. Pretty thin pile of newspapers. Local girl falls downstairs. What? I said local girl falls downstairs. Does it on purpose, goes to jail. Well, Erin, because of your unique, uh, pretty makeup, I don't know how to phrase this, you should be sleeping on the Helix mattress that JPC and I got you.

Yeah. I mean, we know that sometimes people have been like, don't sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, but they mean don't side sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't hot sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, because we know that everybody sleeps different. Well, the Helix Sleep Mattress is designed for people who sleep in a variety of different ways.

And you can take a quiz. And it's not the type of quiz that you can fail, so don't worry about that. I worry about that. But it's just a quiz to get to know what kind of sleeper you are.

You took the Helix Sleep quiz, Erin, and you got a don't sleep, right?

The first F ever.

You can find that quiz at helixsleep.com slash Riddle. It only takes two minutes, and it's going to match your specific makeup to a mattress that's right for you.

Yeah, that's why they call it Helix Sleep, because it relies on double helix, so you just enter your DNA into the quiz, and then it tells you what kind of mattress is your soulmate, basically.

And it tells you what kind of mattresses your ancestors slept on. I mean, you'll see that in your dreams.

Yeah, that'll be something that, they don't promise that, but that is something that comes in most people's dreams.

And they have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it for a hundred nights risk-free.

They have a 10-year warranty?

There is a little loophole here because they say 100 nights, but you also get the 100 days as well. So you can sleep at the mattress 24 hours a day for 100 days.

And for me specifically, for Adal Rifai, those are Arabian days and Arabian nights.

That's not something any of the rest of us feel comfortable saying.

And if you sleep next to a partner, half the mattress can be for you, and the other half of the mattress can be for your partner.

Or, you know, you can do three quarters. Just with sprawl. With arms and legs. But right now, Helix is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. That's $125 off. To get your $125 off at helixsleep.com slash Riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash Riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order. Don't sleep on this deal. That's not theirs, that's mine.

I guess the way I sleep is I clutch a pillow and I kiss it?

Yeah. I do the same thing, but the pillow's in between my legs.

How I sleep is, you know when you get someone in that choke hold with your leg?

Oh, like Zena did for James Bond in that movie? I squeeze?

Yeah, that's what my blankets do to me.

That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. Of course, on the pillow I write, not a pillow. So when I kiss, does that make sense?

Naturally. You're pretty unique.

Helixsleep.com slash Riddle.

Thank you! Next, I'm so fucking grateful for this show and for you too. Thank you for being here with me. Aww. Yeah. Aww. Aww. Are you two, my friends, ready for some more?

And I almost got Snake. And for that I'm so fit, Snakeful.

For a couple more riddles?

No.

No? No. Aw, are the kiddies sweepy?

Yeah, well, carry me in from the car and put me on my bed. Carried me from the car. I'm too tired to watch my own bed.

Give me out of the trunk.

Give me out of the- can I have a trunk? Can I have a bed?

Mom, can I have a trunk?

I can't breathe. Mom, I'm in the trunk. I can't breathe.

All you kids do is complain.

Whiny kidnapped kids. This riddle is called Arrested Anyway. Rocky Redneck carried a gun. Rocky Redneck carried a gun to shoot off the legs of his Bible. Rocky Redneck carried a gun. He had a state-issued firearm permit that allowed him to do so, and he was careful to obey the law. One day, he went to visit his relatives across the country in another state. Rocky had a firearm permit from that state, too, and he could legally carry his gun there. He found out from the airlines that he could take his gun with him. Is this just Indiana propaganda? Yeah, this is from Indiana. If it was declared to the airline staff and it was in checked baggage, over the law-abiding citizen, Rocky packed the gun in a suitcase, told the airline clerk about it, and had the suitcase checked. So why was Rocky arrested for weapons possession? He had another weapon on him. He had a bow and arrow and a knife on it. It's a kind of situation where his fists are deadly weapons. Why couldn't you put down the bunny? Cameron Poe, I've sentenced you to 20 years to life. As a US Marshal. Alright.

Was I right? He was carrying other weapons?

I don't think he was carrying other weapons. I don't think that's correct.

Oh, his coat had fish hooks in it. Yes, fish hooks are a weapon.

Hmm.

So he checked the gun, but he was still arrested for weapons because when you're in the air, you're not in a state. Right? So a state permit wouldn't... Maritime law. No, no, no. Maritime law. When you're in the air, you're in the water. Maritime law. So it's state to state. When you're here, you're family.

When you're in the air, you're family. When you're in the air, I'm doing the Alfredo. State to state, if you're flying over a state, but if you get above a certain height into the air, you are in Alaska, technically. So he did travel through Alaska briefly in between his state to state travel.

I don't know this.

This is, I will say that this is unsatisfying. I will say that it's kind of stupid and that... So it's like sex with you. Yeah, it's like sex with me. It's unsatisfying, kind of stupid, and at the end there will be... Chocolate! Chocolate! Oh man, I wish that I got some chocolate when I got sex. That was a good treat.

If you have sex with me... Is sex not the treat? Is sex the chore and the treat is something after the sex?

Sex is the trick a dog does. Sex is the steak, chocolate's the sizzle.

Do we get a hint? Yes, we can get three hints.

I would love some.

Was Rocky wanted for a previous crime?

No.

Yes. I'll give you the questions, you give me the answers. These are new riddles, right? Did Rocky have to change planes? Yes. When Rocky checked his suitcase, did he expect it to be delivered directly to his final destination? No. So he had a layover.

And in that state he didn't have a permit. Yeah.

Yeah? That's it?

Those questions. So this is more to scare people traveling.

Can I read you the way that this answers his phrase? I think it's very funny. Rocky took one airplane to an intermediate stop, got out, and got into a second airplane to his final destination. If he had told the airline that he was doing so, then his fare would have been higher. He was trying to save money by noting that the fares for the separate parts of the trip were less than the equivalent fare for the whole trip. I want to dead stop this answer. Does that make any sense to you guys?

How dare you? Let it be alone. I want to have fun and answer Riddles. I don't want to fucking figure out flights.

Yeah, this is like ThanksExpedia.com, but please sponsor the show. No, please sponsor us. Therefore, he could not check the suitcase directly to the final destination, but had to retrieve it and recheck it at the intermediate stop. Rocky did not have a firearm permit for the state in which he made the intermediate stop, but was carrying the gun. He was arrested for that reason.

I heard you say final destination. Does that mean that the gun went off and killed him because he was supposed to die?

Yes, he was supposed to die in this riddle. The gun would often kill him because he was supposed to die.

In this riddle. Interesting.

Okay, I want to see a scene where Adal, you are on a flight. There's a layover. You're in Seattle for 45 minutes. You do have a handgun. It's the same situation as Rocky. You have a legal... You can carry it, but you can't carry it in Washington state. And there's a gun sniffing dog. Erin, you are going to be the handler for the gun sniffing dog, and you are sniffing Adal's suitcase. Hello.

Cute dog there. What is that? Is that a Rottweiler? Yeah, pretty cute, huh?

Sorry, we're gonna needle you to open your bag. We have the needle here in Seattle.

I'm sorry?

You know that needle? The building?

Everywhere has needles.

No, I mean like the building? Never mind. So what's in your... Oh, the space needle.

Yeah.

What's in your bag?

You're gonna needle me to... So you took the word needle, you took the word need, added... I was trying to connect to you.

This is my best friend, Dog. This is my best friend, Dog. Dog, what do you smell, bud?

No, I'm not seeing him again. Oh, I guess I've been put in my Pike's place.

Oh, you're making more references.

Like I've been put in my place but Pike's place. I got it.

Sorry, my dog is accusing me of seeing my boyfriend again.

Or my ex-boyfriend.

Okay, dog. How could you smell his cologne on me?

Oh, wait, sorry, your dog has some peanut butter in his mouth. Let me get it out so we can understand him. You're seeing him again.

Okay, fine.

You're seeing him again.

Well, no, how do you know? Maybe I just, I've started using his cologne, maybe.

Look, if you want to go back, you can go back. But I'm not going to pick up the pieces when you come crawling back heartbroken because Steve cheated.

He's changed. He's changed.

Sir, can we tell you a story? Yeah, of course. Okay. His name is Steve. He is a shift manager at a Harley-Davidson retail store. Is this a gun? He called the police. A burglar broke into a house, intending to steal from it. While still in the house, he called the police. Why? And the answer is he chickened out.

It was his house. He was like, someone's burgling my house.

I know, I know the answer. Do you want some questions? I want some hints, please. Okay, here's some hints. Did he call a co-conspirator on the police force? No.

No, he called Sting and Stuart Copeland. Yeah, he called the police. He broke into a house. He saw an album by the police. He was such a fan, he remembered that he had their phone number. He called them.

Yeah, how about, wait, there's police.

And they're just hanging out together.

It's also 911.

Before breaking in... How many people called him? Hi, this is the police. Wait, what? Hi, this is Sting. I'm trying to call the police. Yeah, this is Sting. Do you want me to use Stuart Copeland?

Please come quickly.

Well, I don't know. Is Roxanne there? Let me check. Roxanne! Before breaking in, had he intended to call the police? No. Was he arrested? Yes.

Are you going to send a cop car? You don't have to turn on the red light.

So we do only know one police car. Message in a bottle. Oh, that would have been good.

No, he's not. Can I take a message in a bottle?

He's not home.

It's true. Copeland's not here right now, but if you leave a message in a bottle, I'll have it back to you in three to four years.

Oh, fuck. I'm dizzy from laughing so hard.

That sucks. Truly sucks for you to be dizzy from laughing so hard. I want to venture a guess into why the burglar called the police.

He got hurt. He got hurt.

That is very close. Yes, yes, yes.

A dog attacked him.

No, not a dog.

He had a heart attack from the stress.

Actually, I guess it doesn't. You'll never guess this, so you got it. I don't know. You got hurt. Once inside the house, he fell, breaking his leg. Pulling the telephone down from a table, he called an emergency police number for help, and though arrested, received treatment for his leg.

Nice.

A broken leg is not, unless he's like really broken and like bleeding out.

Just leave. Just crawl out. I want to see a scene. Are those freaking arms broken? Are we a freaking arm broke? I want to see a scene. JPC, you're going to be a burglar. Okay. Erin, you're going to be a 911 dispatcher. Sure. Who's a big fan of the police. JPC, you go into a house to burglar it, but as you go inside, you break your heart, and you're going to call the police. Okay.

911, what is your emergency? Kevin.

Stacy, don't hang up.

Kevin.

Stacy, don't hang up. I'm in a house. Okay. I broke into a house.

Is this an emergency?

Oh, P.S., the house you broke into is the International House of Pancakes.

Is this an emergency?

I'm gonna eat myself to death.

Kevin, are you at IHOP?

You have to come here to arrest me. Kevin. Stacy, you have to come here to arrest me.

Kevin, you know I'm seeing someone, right?

I don't care. Who is he? Tell me. No, don't tell me. Is he taller than me?

Yes.

Fuck! How much taller?

Like a lot, like significantly. Not just like taller, but like more built.

Baby, come back to bed. We're having such good tantric sex.

It's been 28 hours. That's my roommate's boyfriend. She's talking to her. My boyfriend's actually very cool.

You know what my favorite vows are? Eeeyo! Why can't I hear him so clearly? Is he talking into a phone?

Yeah. Every breath I take.

It's right into the phone.

What?

He just picked up his phone in his room?

Yeah. Well, tell him to hang up. You know what? I'm happy that he's here. Like, what do we have left to say to each other, Kevin?

I love you, and I'm in love with you.

You're not. You're neither of those things.

I can change. I can be better. No, you can't. Just eat your pancakes.

I'm gonna lose the weight. No, eat your pancakes. Go cheat on me some more.

First of all, I didn't cheat on you, okay? I cheated with you.

Okay, you saw, I will go over it again. You saw a woman. She sort of looked like me.

Yes.

You asked her out at a date. Yes. You took her to dinner.

I was all in love with you all over again.

But that wasn't me. It was someone who, and I saw her picture only sort of. It's just that we both had bangs. In the red light! We just had bangs.

Kevin, I've had enough. She holds bangs so well. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm gonna get Roxanne on the phone and she's gonna really chew you out.

No, you don't have to turn in the red light. Please, hear me out. What? Okay, come to the IHOP.

No.

Bring money. I don't have any money. When I said I broke it, it's open 24-7.

You know how many calls I've gotten that I've ignored? How many 911 calls I've gotten and ignored since we started this conversation?

That must be love.

No!

Okay, take one of those other calls.

Okay, hold on. 911, what is your emergency? Oh my god, Kevin!

Kevin!

911, what is your emergency? Hello, I'm a very old woman. Kevin, 911, what is your emergency?

Oh, I'm a dog at the Seattle airport, and uh... Kevin! It's me. Hey Erin and JPC. Hey Adal and Erin. There's a Star Wars character called Blank Blank Tarkin.

Darth Vader. The Sandbox.

What? Grand Moff Tarkin Sandbox Tarkin. Huh? Grand Moff Tarkin Sandbox Tarkin? That's 45 degrees my friend because it's a slant rhyme. Oh boy. Hey, Sandy!

This is a slant, this is a slant friendship. I find your last rhyme disturbing. Sandy, thanks for coming back.

Sandy, welcome to the show. Welcome to your sandbox. I've been here the whole time. Yes. We love this little castle you've built. Can we come inside? Smash. Oh no, the water! Even twice as big as it. Good to be here. How are you? Doing well. Should we get into some sweet, sweet sandbox? Puzzles? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, we should. We will. I'm ready.

Are you ready? I'm so ready.

We're waiting on you.

I'm very ready.

I feel like everyone's being very coy right now. Or passive aggressive.

Are you ready? I'm ready.

Are you ready?

Are you ready? So what I brought for you today is one of the puzzles that originally came from the ones that I post on Twitter. I'm going to give you a phrase that is blank of the blank, okay? Lord of the Rings. Father of the Bride. Sure. Examples, both of them. Great. The first word is going to be... Okay, so I'm giving you a clue for a phrase that is blank of the blank. Like, man of the world. Okay? Okay. Instead of saying man, I'm going to say something that is a man, and instead of saying world, I'm going to say something that rhymes with world. So for example, for Man of the World, I would say Carl of the Curled, because Carl is a man's name, and Curled rhymes with world. So sort of like Sandbox Tarfin.

Is the second one always going to rhyme?

The second one will always rhyme, and the first one will always be a member of the category of the first one. So for example, now if I said Florida of the Fart, state of the art, and for an added flavor, both of these words are going to start with the same letter. So like Carl of the Curled, Florida of the Fart. All right, love it. Ginsburg of the Geese. Alan of the Lees. Justice of the Peace. Because Ginsburg's a justice and Geese rhymes with peace. Jog of the Jill. Hmmm. Run of the Hill. Run of the Mill. Tom of the Twinks. Okay, Sandy, that was great to have you on, but we're going to move on. Tom of the Twinks. I realize what this clue said halfway through it, but anyway, here we are. You're Tom of the Twinks, the Georgia Twinks? So Tom is a cat. No, we're looking for a last name, a fictional Tom. Tom Sawyer. Tom of the Twinks. Sawyer of the... Rink. It's Tom Boy, Tomcat. His last name starts with R. It's a fictional.

Wizard.

Riddle's right. Oh. Tom Riddle. Riddle of the... Sphinx. Riddle of the Sphinx. Tom of the Twinx. Only word I could rhyme with Sphinx was Twinx, I guess. Here we go. Now here's some more that were submitted by others. Bisc of the Bay.

Soup of the day. Soup of the day. Hell yeah.

That sounds good. I'll have that. Dumb and dumber.

I've replaced the word bitch in my lexicon with bisque because I think it sounds funnier anyway.

Bisque please. I'd rather you caught me a bitch than a bisque.

Hot bisque.

That brings us to our first episode of bisque court.

Call me lobster bisque.

Bangs of the bog. Hair of the Log. Hair of the Log.

Hair of the Log. Well, a little hair of the log never hurt me.

Well, I got bit by a log. Lover of the Band. Jerry Lewis movie of what? Jerry Lewis. Did you say blubber? Oh, blubber. Blubber? What'd you say? Blubber. I said blubber. Oh, whale. What was the second part? Blubber of the band. Blubber of the band. Chicken of the land. Fat. Fat of the land. Um, Louie of the load. Um, ostracized comedian of the abode.

Yeah. Is it ostracized comedian of the abode? Louie, a king of the hill.

King of the... Chodes. King of the Chodes. Well rhymes with load. King of the road. Nice. Watermelon of the womb. Wait, what? Fruit of the loom.

What's a watermelon? What the fuck is he talking about?

I can't handle... Watermelon? Here we go.

Dradle of the dower. JEW OF THE HOUR!

These are great.

I wish I wouldn't have yelled JEW OF THE HOUR. I'm disappointed too. I'm disappointed too. A toy. Toy. Top. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour.

Top of the hour.

Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Top of

Yes, because it's always raining.

It's because it's a painting and she doesn't change. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? I'm sorry to break it to you.

She's not human. Is that why the Smacks Frog is always smart? The two pieces of art that you know, the Morton's Girl and the Smacks Frog. Those are the two that are married in my dreams.

You know about how that whole factory collapsed a few years ago? Like, the whole wall of that factory? The Smacks factory? The Morton factory down the street. Do you know about this? This is true. The wall of the factory... Eroded from salt? Yeah, and disintegrated, and bajillion gallons of salt poured out of the factory onto all the cars in the parking lot. Well, at least now the cars slip on ice. Okay. Yeah, that's the silver lining there. Did they throw some of the factory over their shoulder? I like that one. Libra of the Limes. There you go. And this one's for Erin. Well, we'll all answer. Did you hear me? Jupiter of the Japes. These are clues for phrases that are homophones. So like if I said breakfast series, you'd say cereal cereal. Mmm. Two words sound the same. Got it. Which we have to take a pause. Anytime cereal is mentioned, we have to all bow to the king of podcasts. Of course, there were no podcasts before cereal. There are none after. We're all living in a shadow.

I'm getting about to kick the cereal because I like kicks.

Honestly, I'm still working my way through season two. I really want to know what they did to Bo Burnham. I'm still so, so concerned with him.

He's a young comedian. He's very popular and I hope he makes it out of Iraq. Asia McClain, if you are listening, you are welcome on the show anytime.

I'm ready for this.

Can I tell a quick story about listening to Serial Season 3? You can. They're into Season 3, yeah. Did I tell the story? No, no. I was listening to, I got into Lift and I had my, during, well Season 3 was happening, so I was listening to it on my headphones. And the driver said, do you mind? He's got music playing, it's like, is this too loud? And I go, actually I don't mind, I'm listening to a podcast with my headphones. He goes, oh okay. And he turns off the music because now he's going to listen to what he wants to listen to, which is Serial Season 1. So now I've got Sarah Keaning in my headphones talking about Cleveland. And then every time she pauses, I hear her in the background talking about Adal.

And then she got into your lifeline. And then started doing Season 2 from memory.

That's crazy. What kind of asshole hadn't listened to Serial Season 1 already? Is he re-listening?

I don't know. Maybe.

Did he give a little giggle when the person said male camp? Is it too late to give this guy two stars? Alright, let's do this. Alright, here we go. Okay, so. We know the premise. Serial, serial. Here we go. Got it. The entire pit.

Whole, whole. Nice.

Ding, ding, ding. I should get a bell. I should bring a bell.

Oh my god.

Why don't I have a bell? Why don't you have a bell? There's a little trumpet over there. Is there one that could be ding, ding? A homophone game? Well, it's too late now. Okay. Wow. Only Spirit. Uh... Ghost Ghost. One. Only Spirit. Only Spirit. Air line, air line. Air, air. No, that doesn't make any sense, but that is one. Caporial, corporeal. Only Spirit.

Another word for spirit is only soul soul.

How you doing soul soul? You're doing soul soul?

Scribble.

Scribble correctly. Right, right. Treasured buck. Deer deer. Just cost.

Fair fair. Fifi!

Fifi. Fifi. I was wrong. It's Fifi. Rabbit fur. Hair hair. Hair hair. Current present. Donald Trump. Whoa, I just spoiled that one. Wow. The answer is present, present. The clue is supposed to be current, gift. Oh, they say current, present.

Current, present.

Sometimes I'll do that on my Twitter puppies. You really? Sometimes I'll put the answer up and people are like, I can't get it. And then I'll look and be like, one of the items is actually the answer. Encounter, flesh. Skin skin. Fuck you, fuck you. Rin skin skin. Fuck you, fuck you. Encounter flesh. So next time you're in a fuck you, fuck you. Call it this instead. Encounter flesh. What is it called when you encounter someone? Meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet, meet. Carcass continues. Meat. Meat. Meat. Repeat. The Adventures of Meat. Repeat. Carcass Continues.

Corpse Corpse. Death.

Continues. Oh boy. Carcass Continues. Yeah, continuous is not the best word for this. Anyway, what's the best word? The best word would be... Give us the best word. Stays. Remains. Remains. Remains. Remains. Remains. Sugary Set. Sugary hotel room. There you go. Cultivated loaf. Or like cultivated a loaf. Cultivated as in like... Oh, cultivated a loaf.

Take a shit.

You call your shit a loaf?

Yeah.

Bread bread bread bread bread. The Little Mermaid font. Aerial, aerial, aerial. And finally, last one, a beach puzzler.

Sandbox!

Sandy Sandy. Sandy Sandy. Oh wow.

Thank you so much for coming by. You're welcome.

Do you have anything to... Sandy snuck himself in there too. I know. That was my, that was my, that was my Erin Keif for Sutherland of the episode.

Still the best moment on this show.

I thought about bringing in a puzzle set that where all the answers are Erin or Keith. You can still do that. I'll forget. Okay. I'll forget. Anything to plug, Sandy? Same old, same old, MysteryLeague.com where I... Thank you for saying same old, same old. Continuing in the vein of repeating. Right. I was spelling same old differently both those times. One of them was that Hobbit. Same old game, jeez. They're the same wise and they're the same old. MysteryLeague.com where you can learn about all the games... And that's where the robot's talking from the movies?

Mysteryleap.com

With the people that I play that game with? I think so. Then I think I've done my job.

We're not really friends, but they're part of my corporate team.

Yeah, we formed a company together. I don't know why. It's doing terribly. Because we keep trying to solve stuff. And then I'm on Twitter, PCLR. Excellent. Thank you so much, Annie. Thanks for having me on. And Bon Voyage. Well, I was going to say bye-bye, but I couldn't think of a clever way to present that.

We have one more listener submitted riddle for this episode. This is from Ashley Miller. I think that's how you would say that. Riddle for the podcast. You will probably be annoyed by it. You wake up in a room with no windows or doors. In the room is a table and a mirror. How do you get out?

I saw a saw, and I saw it at the table in half, and then half there's the window, and I got it, and I'm great at riddles, and everything's coming up, Erin.

Erin, you did get it. That's correct. Kind of. You mumbled your way through a correct, mostly correct answer. You look in the mirror, you see what you saw. You take the saw, cut the table in half, you put the table halves together to make a hole, then you put the hole in the wall, and you climb out.

Oh, logic.

Yeah, they said you'd probably be annoyed. Erin got it immediately. Immediately she got that riddle.

Well, I got a tiny bit of the first part of it. It did not get the second part.

Does it say anything about Kool-Aid Man? Oh yeah, it says, love the Kool-Aid Man. So Ashley Miller was a pseudonym for the Kool-Aid Man. Oh yeah. Ashley, thank you so much for sending that riddle in. You can send us riddle submissions to hrrpodcast at gmail.com.

And if Sting played the Kool-Aid Man, I think it might go a little something like that.

Oh yeah!

Before we do our plugs, I do want to mention some hashtag Whittleware on Instagram or Twitter. If you ever buy any of our merch, please send us a picture of you wearing that merch with the hashtag Whittleware with W's, like Waluigi. And we'll give you a shout out. So here on Instagram we have Mia Malavazia, ComedyNerd101, Kgrace Higley, XO So Much Better, DanTendo64, who sent us a picture of him dabbing, Julia BFD, Emily Rose MZ, Kevin Gregory. And then on Twitter we have Kylie Kern, Chris Atkinson, at AntiqueAnger, Joe Harding, Ianette Cohen, Caden Pruitt, at CriticalNet, delta underscore Jacob, half vigilante, That can't be right. Daniel Spencer, Claire Lewis, and Carrie Grace. Thank you all so, so much for buying some Sweet Sweet Whittleware. And everyone please, and if we haven't read your hashtag Whittleware, send us an email at heyriddleriddleatgmail.com with the subject line. No, no, no. It's HRRpodcast at gmail.com. HRRpodcast at gmail.com. Send us an email with the subject line. What the fuck? And we'll give you a shout out. You can follow me, speaking of social media, you can follow me at Adal Rifai. You can see me in World News Tonight. You can check out my other podcast, Siblings, Peculare, and Hello from the Magic Tavern. JPC, anything to blow?

Yeah, you can just follow me on Twitter at jpsofly, Instagram at sharkbarkman, and then come to one of my dog fights. I fight the dogs.

My name is Erin Keif and remember me? My name is Erin Keif 10 on Instagram. All of a sudden hit my wall. Follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and I will talk about what shows them in there and then if you can message me, if you have the courage, then I will give you free tickets.

You cowards?

You cowards!

And Erin, I know another place full of cowards and it's a planet pretty far out there in outer space.

JPC planet. Boom! Gotcha, Jupiter! Gah! Bye-bye!

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. JG Snyder did the editing and already parented the music.

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