Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPZ.

And I'm Erin Keif.

Ooh, Erin. Hold on. What is new about you? There's something different. What is going on?

I don't know. I think this is the only episode I've been properly caffeinated for.

That's not it. There's something else. Did you get surgery? Where is your arms?

Oh, that's it. Yeah, I thought I'd just split something up a little bit. I had someone take off my arms. Oh. And now I don't have arms.

Yeah. And where are they? Where is arms?

Good question. It's anyone's guess. If you want to buy my arms signed by Adal and JPC because I can't sign it anymore.

So we will sell both of Erin's arms. I will sign one arm, Adal will sign the other arm.

Uh, spoiler alert, neither of them are strong.

Who wants these weak ass arms?

Ask me how many times I've worked out my arms this year.

How many times have you worked out your arms this year?

Once. Okay, and what was the exercise? But just so you know, this episode is coming out in 2019.

Oh, so zero. I've worked out zero times this year.

What was the one exercise you did?

Um, my boyfriend has a gym in his building and one day he's like, do you want to work out with me? And I was like, I do, but you should know that your attitude will change whether or not I work out with you ever again. Like this is a make or break it. And he's like, well, it's arm day. And I went down and it was fine, but I'll never do it again.

Yeah. And so, um, to reiterate, what were, what was the exercise you did?

Like arms.

Okay.

Like you pulled weights and you go like this.

You know when you, for all you weightlifters out there, you got your four basic exercises. You got arms, you got legs, you got tum tums.

Tum tums.

You have head, heart. Clear eyes.

Clear eyes, can't lose. Uh, giving gifts. Two a days. Um, acts of service.

I'm sorry, these are love leggings. My love leg was just arms.

He had to keep going down in like the weights that I could do like he would just like hand me something and I'd start doing it and then he would just like sigh very patiently and then just go get like small.

What does a patient sigh sound like?

That sounds impatient. Sounds like he thinks you're a fucking chore.

I think so. And he wouldn't be wrong. He wouldn't be wrong. Anyways, what's new with you? JPC works out all the time. JPC does push-ups.

JPC does push-ups, but JPC does not work out all the time. I think that one of the things that I want to do in 2019 is like better take care of myself because I go through like what I do is I'm like addicted to this Fitbit and my goal is 15,000 steps a day and since I have like a dog it's pretty easy to get that because I have to take her for walks all the time but like that just means like the only physical activity I'm doing is lots of walks with my dog. That counts.

You take a lot of vitamins, I know that about you.

I do take a lot of vitamins. And boy, does it make my pee something special.

List off those vitamins, pal. What are we doing? What are we taking?

We've got vitamin C. We have vegan fish oil, which is like omega-3 fatty acids.

How... hold up. How fish oil vegan?

So it's not vegan. It's like Omega-3 fatty acids. I think it's from like nuts of some sort.

Why do they call it fish oil still?

Because fish oil is like what Omega-3. Like that's how you take... Can't you just call it Omega-3? I could but doesn't everybody know fish oil?

What else?

I take a vegan multivitamin. I take magnesium. I take zinc. I take B12. I take B12.

I take B12.

Okay, it's good. It's good stuff. Helps you in the morning, yeah. I take, oh my god, B9 I think.

You're just playing bingo now.

Yeah, I'm playing bingo with my health. I take, I know that every day I take seven pills. Wow. Yeah, I started doing that last in 2018 and I didn't, I got sick way less because I'm like a sickly person. I'm always sick.

You're like a little Victorian boy. Yeah. Always looking out the window.

Yeah. When will papa come home from the war?

There's always blood in your kerchief.

We moved to the dry climate for my consumptive health problem. Yes, that's that is my that is my life and taking my vitamins even if it's just like a psychosomatic thing it really does help.

And if you were British what would you be taking? Vitamins. So speaking of JPC speaking of your pee being something special you are OMP for this episode Old Man Puzzies. Yes.

Pretty good transitions. Thank you so much Thank you so much for watching.

Snug on my hater's nest. Snug on my hater's nest. And my nest, I mean like the thermostat is your apartment connected to your Google home. Shout out to Google home guys. I got a Google home. I love it. All right. Ideally, I'm Old Man Puzzles so I can decide what we talk about. If you could pick an ideal sponsor for this show. They are listening. They will sponsor the show. They'll give us a fantastic money. What do you pick?

My elementary school I went to growing up. I want them to use some of the money that they would have ordinarily bought for books to sponsor them on the show.

What was, can you have a shout out to your elementary school?

Uh, Foster School. Foster Elementary School in Hingham, Massachusetts.

Can you do a short, like a 15 second ad read for them? Just so they get a taste of what they're going to be paying for.

Foster Elementary School. The playground used to give you splinters, but not anymore. Does Miss Direk still teach there? Cause she was amazing. Back, back to you. I'm not good at that.

Uh, for me it would be Patagonia. Oh yeah. Not the clothing store, but the country.

To me it would be Soylent. You can see I'm drinking Soylent right now.

You have two bottles in front of you.

But not the product Soylent which is the drinkable meal replacement food Soylent Green the movie. I would love them to sponsor the podcast. Get some more eyes on a movie that was made like 50 years ago that only people know as a reference point and no one's actually seen.

What's that blue flavor?

Oh, this blue flavor? This is a large dog's cum.

Why don't you take a sip of us?

Take a sip and give us that slogan.

Why do I bother?

Take a sip and give us that Soylent slogan to try and win him over.

You just called it dog's cum.

That's a big dog's cum.

Oh my god, right out the window.

If you can't hang with the big dog's cum, stay on the porch cum.

The thing about Soylent is they have lots of different flavors and it all just tastes like a big dog's cum.

No, it tastes good.

It does taste good. So I got some, they sent me some strawberry by mistake because I order like in bulk and they accidentally sent me a box of strawberry. So I made people at my office taste it. And people have seen me drink this for like seven months and people taste it and they're That's not bad. I was like, yeah, it's not bad. It's just it's just it's fine. It's great.

I like it Do you guys want to hear my slogan for Patagonia of the country? Yes Patagonia we have penguins

Is there a question mark? I love a question mark and a slogan.

Wind of a thousand lakes? Because they're surprised.

We decided this and we still aren't confident?

We're free or what? Okay, cool. Let's break into some warm-up Riddies and Fuzzies.

I like that Old Man Snuggles is doing warm-up riddles.

Ooh, swarming up.

Yeah, cause you're warming us up. Snuggle, snuggle. I'm doing some snore maps and middles. I'm a snug bug.

I'm one of the snug little bugs.

Erin's a little bit of a snug bug.

I'm sort of a snug little bug.

So I'm older than a snug bug.

For listeners who can't see, Erin is miming wrapping her hands around herself, but since she has no arms... I have no arms.

She's just wiggly. I'm a snug worm now. Snug worm.

Nom nom nom nom. Hashtag snug worm. If you're in for the winter, hashtag snug worm. Riddle does still let us know.

Maybe and maybe if you are bored maybe just draw some fan art of all of us as snug bugs, armless snug bugs.

I would be a little ladybug with a blanket with a cup of tea.

Call your insect. Erin's a ladybug. I am a grasshopper. JPC.

That's so similar to a grasshopper.

You're more of a brown recluse.

You're like a spider. You're like the spider from James and the Giant. Okay.

Yeah. I would also say that I don't want anyone to do fan art with me without my arms because that's literally the only thing that people talk about.

How many pictures of us, how many listeners do you think are going to tweet at me saying it's not brown recluse, it's brown recluse. Well now I guess I'm going to guess 1500.

How many people do you think are going to tweet at us and say you took a hundred thousand years to read a riddle because they get mad and mad at

Yeah, that's true. We love our fans, but they don't love us. They don't. They live to correct us. I think maybe 30% of our fans like us. They're wrong. The 30% that like us are wrong. But hey, speaking of fans that like us, we get a lot of riddle submissions and a lot of them sometimes people submit riddles that we've already done or versions of riddles that are like very close to things that we've already done so we really can't use them. But sometimes people give us very specific riddles and this is a special warm-up riddle edition where Ashley Miller I hope you don't mind me reading your name Ashley you never mentioned in your email that you would like me to so I just did tweeted in some warm-up riddles these are all winter themed warm-up riddles so I thought I'd change it up a little bit and give these warm-up riddles at the top of the show Ashley thank you so much and I'm glad that She said, it's my quest to have you read one of my riddles on the podcast. So your quest is complete. Enjoy your retirement. You are no longer a riddle adventurer.

Ashley Miller, set your goals higher. You achieve this easily.

Very easy. Easy to get me to read. Okay, ready for this? Yes. Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?

Christmas Cheese's favorite singer is Dean Martin. Okay, I will need an explanation for that answer.

Dead Stop. Ooh, Dead Stop.

Why Dean Martin? Here's the explanation. Dean Martin, first name Dean, of course there is Dean's milk. Now milk comes in several types. You have 2% skim. Skim rhymes with trim. What do you do to a tree? You grow it. Dean Martin. Chris Pine.

Chris Pine? Yeah.

Den stop. Star Trek singer. He doesn't sing but maybe he sings sometimes and pine trees are Christmas trees.

So I will say I know the answer to this Riddle and you are closest with Chris Pine in that tradition so if you can think of any other like maybe tree based something like that.

Christmas Christmas.

Birchback Rack. Burch Baccarat is also very good. Burch Baccarat sings Christmas songs sometimes.

Ornament Jones.

And that's a play on who's name?

Oh, I have it.

I got it. I got it. I have the answer.

I know it. Ready? Yeah. Toby Reith. Country music star Toby Reith.

Okay, a wreath is not a tree.

A wreath of Franklin.

A wreath of Franklin is better. Also, but wreaths aren't trees. This is tree related. Well wreaths are a type of tree.

Star, star.

I'm sorry, dead stop again.

Wreaths grow in the wild. If you go to certain forests in the Pacific Northwest wreaths grow naturally.

The only place that wreaths grow naturally isn't a coral wreath, which is a Christmas themed scuba school that I want to start.

Ah, here's all my money. Take all my money!

Please get the coral wreath. It's in Florida for the holidays. The snowbodies come down and they go to Coral Reef.

Erin is pushing her money across the table with her face. Take it!

Please! Please! There's too many pennies. Who carries around this many pennies?

Lee.

Adam, can we get a hint? Yes, I gave you your hint. It's tree related.

It wasn't Ornament Jones.

No, it's a famous singer and there is a tree pun in the name. Famous singer, tree pun, and the name. Yes, you're so close. Leaf Erikson. Yes, Leaf Erikson.

That's the famous singer. Needle. That's a type of tree.

So it's not like, it's not like pine. Oh, I guess, yeah, no, it's not birch. Birch baccarat.

Evergreen.

Birch baccarat was the closest one. Birch baccarat I think works as an answer to this.

So, let's go through some trees and you give us wide eyes or small eyes. If we're close, you give us wide eyes.

For the listeners, you're gonna love this.

Well, I'll just say wide eyes, small eyes.

Pine. Small eyes. Leaves. Small eyes. Trunk. Sap. It's a type of tree.

Palm.

Thanks for watching.

I want the tree and then I'll guess.

Should I give you a hint with the singer? Yes. Give us the tree and we'll guess the singer. Okay, the tree is Spruce. Well this will release in 2019, but late in December I saw on Broadway.

Oh yeah?

How was it?

It was amazing.

We'll see.

We'll see.

I think some of, I think Birch Baccarat is also a very good, very clever response to that.

I want to see a Broadway show. It's been a hot second since I've seen a Broadway show.

Usually I go two or three times a year and just go see like three or four Broadway shows.

That's so smart. Well, thanks for the invite.

Well, if you ever want to go. Well, it's too late.

I'm busy that day.

We are going to see a scene right now. Adal, you have tickets to see Bruce Springsteen on Broadway. I will break in. Sorry, I have tickets to see who? Bruce Springsteen. You will have tickets. Bruce. No. Hold on, let me finish. Wait, these tickets say Bruce Springsteen. I've been fucked. You have tickets to see Bruce Springsteen on Broadway shortly before the show. I break in to let you know that Bruce is sick and there is a replacement. Erin, you will be playing the replacement, correct?

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to begin.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Just to let everyone know, Bruce Springsteen is a little sick, and there will be an understudy for this evening. What? The whole show is one man. Please welcome, Spruce Springsteen. I think it's carted out a tree. Hello.

Don't what are you doing?

Everyone everyone am I crazy They just on a dolly they just brought out a tree the tree said hello, and then launched into a song That's not even a springsteen song shut the fuck up.

You're ruining spider-man turn off the dark How do you turn off the dark? I'm trying to find out there is a castle

That might be my favorite improv scene I've ever done. I just got to scream and yell no. The one that you yelled no for. What's that from? Is that Les Mis?

Yeah, that's the worst song from Les Mis and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

I did a parody of that in a sketch one time which was there is it was like for a Halloween candy parody and it was there is some candy in a bag. That's all I remember. How'd that show do? It was one of those really bad shows. Can we check it out online? Is it on Vimeo? Oh I'm sure it was for the people in the room. By the people in the room I mean the performers doing the show. Okay, where does a snowman keep his money?

So, these aren't riddles as much as they are winter puns for a holiday that's already passed.

Winter is not a holiday.

Yes it is. The way I do it, it is.

His purse, his wallet, his bank account.

Oh, he keeps them, he keeps, wait.

He has frozen assets.

Yes.

Yes. You're joking.

I mean, I'm joking, but that's good. Where does the snowman keep his money? Yeah, so he doesn't. He has frozen assets. In a snowbank. The correct answer is in a snowbank. The better answer is his assets have been frozen.

I guess I'm sort of a funny person. I guess I'm sort of one of those funny people.

So Pixar, if you're listening and you need someone to punch up a script, or be a voice, get Erin Keif.

That's my goal in life.

What if Erin took over all of Joss Whedon's work?

People would be so mad.

Whatever's on his 2019 calendar, they're like, give it to Erin.

Okay, here's what we need. JPC, you and I are Pixar execs. Okay. Erin, we've brought you in to record a new character for a new Pixar movie, and we just want to have you get in the studio and lay down some lines.

Sure.

Alright thanks for coming in.

Thank you so much for coming in.

Of course we're very excited to have you for the role. So the role for this, her name is Cynthia and she's a cowgirl. So this is a Wild West themed Pixar movie.

So it's not like Jessie the cowgirl from Toy Story. The second cowgirl in the Pixar universe.

No, it's not at all. We're very original, everything we do is original. Yeah, I'm John Lasseter. And I'm the other guy. Brad Bird. So as I was saying, the role is of a fish. Her name is Diana, and she is a fish.

Oh, it's sort of like a Finding Nemo. Fuck.

We've done everything.

We've done everything.

What's something we haven't done? Oh, you're a star in the night sky. Have we done that? No, we haven't done that. So this movie is all about, we've already written it, and it's amazing. So it's all about astronomy. You are the North Star. No, you're a star in the Little Dipper. And you want to get to be in the Big Dipper, but you're young, and so you've got to go through growing pains. So just read the lines I'm handing to you now, scrawled on a napkin, and here we go.

And I own a winery. I'm John Lasseter, and I do own a winery.

You're a toy, Buzz Lightyear! You're a toy!

Thank you so much.

What is- I can't even think of one line from a big sign.

Well no, that was really good.

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me!

We loved your energy. I'm of course wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I'm John Lasseter.

Escape!

And of course I'm dressed like the fashion designer from The Incredibles. Edna Mohler.

And I'm John Lasseter. I do know that John Lasseter is an executive at Pixar and I do know that he wears Hawaiian shirts and his family has a winery.

Um, I, well maybe we can save this cause this is going to be really good. Well, I was going to say, if you had got to voice one animal or an animate object or something, um, in a Pixar movie, what would you want? Would you want to be like a person or an animal?

I would want to be something inanimate. Like if I was in Toy Story if I could be like the Speak and Spell or like some sort of like shitty robot. That to me is fun.

I guess if I had a choice I would be in the whatever the leading role is that pays the most money. Oh, okay. For me. That's like for my choice. Erin, what about you?

Like a chinchilla like a nervous like a stressed out animal.

Yeah oh they love here's what they love to do in Pixar they love to have stressed out animals and they also love to play with the juxtaposition of like like they'll have in I don't know if this is a real character but in Finding Nemo they'll have like a great white shark but it'll be like

Oh, I don't want to bite anyone. I'm just a shark.

I'm so snagglepuss as a shark. But they love to have like the juxtaposition of like you should be this menacing thing, but you're so tame.

Speaking of tame, nothing's more tame than the tame-ass taste of ginger. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

Because someone had eaten him.

Thanks for watching. No, that's incorrect, Erin. Why did Gingerbread Man go to the doctor?

To figure this out, I want to see a scene between the two of you.

That won't help, but sure.

Also, I know the answer. Okay, good.

Yearly checkup. GPC, you're Gingerbread Man. Okay. Adal, you're his wife. And you're going to the doctor and you just like feel like you're about to get some bad news.

Wait, I'm sorry. The wife is going to the doctor?

You're going to the doctor.

I'm going to the doctor.

Sweetie, I'm so worried about you. And you're a human woman, and this is real.

Oh, I wanted to talk about the gingerbread man in Trek.

Oh, you can do that, but she's a human woman.

And I am a gingerbread man. And you're a gingerbread man. Gotcha. Sweetie, I'm so worried about you as a human woman. It's very concerning to have a gingerbread husband.

Okay, well you knew what I was when you married me, okay?

Yeah, I know and I love you, but it's just when I put my finger to your pulse, it's as fast as fast can be.

Look, I'm concerned. I don't know what's going on. Let's just

And if I'm being honest, your icing's been a little thin when we have sex.

Okay, so there's nothing wrong with my icing. As gingerbread men age, the motility of the icing is important and I still...

Let me turn off the radio of this disgusted woman.

Um, Mr. Digibrin? Yes. Sorry, um, we have, um, we got your test results back. Oh my God. It's sort of a good news, bad news type situation.

Oh, can we have the good news first? Sure, um, your fertility is fine. Wait, wait, wait, can you say the good news as if it's bad news?

That'll help us.

Sure. Yeah, that'll help us immensely.

Your fertility is fine. The two of you should, um, should be able to have kids.

Oh, okay. What's the bad news?

You're super delicious and we're gonna have to eat you.

Well, if you're gonna have to eat me, the least I could do is make a little more frosting. You want to see the scene?

What is the answer to this riddle guys? Uh, why did Gingerbread Man go to the doctor? Because, is it something to do with like baking? It's something to do with his composition. He was feeling... He was feeling a little... a little crispy. He was feeling a little... a little baked.

Have you ever had a gingerbread cookie before? His blood pressure had dropped.

Something snapped. His vertebrae snapped.

Yes, his vertebrae snapped.

This is... His vertebrae ginger snapped.

So, you know, when you eat it sometimes... It's crumble. He had a crumble... Crummy. He was feeling crummy. He was feeling crummy. He was a doctor. All right, last one. How do you scare... Oh, this one sucks. Sorry. Sorry, Ashley. How do you scare a snowman? Cut off his snowballs.

Take him outside. Let him be outside where he's melting.

Put a magnifying glass. Yeah, I mean- Give him a hug!

That's essentially correct.

Who's the scariest snowman? Uh, Frightsicles.

Yeah, it's Frightsicles. Uh, the answer is you get a hairdryer.

That's terrifying.

Yeah, that's terrifying. But also, like, what are you, bringing a hairdryer outside? Unless you're bringing an extension cord, that ain't gonna do nothing.

And with all that snow melting, you're gonna electrocute yourself. Joke's on you, you're dead.

All right, Ashley, so joke's on you, you dead. Thank you so much for sending in those warm-up riddles. Is everyone ready to get to some riddles? Some what?

Some riddles. I'm ready for some riddles. I like riddles.

Yeah, so let's get to some of our warm-up riddles, but before that, let's take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Just like a gingerbread brand, just like a gingerbread brand, take a break. Take it all. That's all in. Keep all of that in.

No. Let's take a break.

Hey, Erin. You're a pretty unique person, would you agree?

Yeah, I'm pretty and unique.

Um, yeah, you're punique.

Okay.

Or you're nitty. Yeah. Um, what do you sleep on?

Um, sometimes it's just like a bunch of newspapers stacked on top of each other of like when I've been in the news. And sometimes it's JPC.

That's a pretty thin amount of newspapers. Local girl falls down stairs.

What?

I said local girl falls down stairs. Does it on purpose. Goes to jail. Well Erin, because of your unique pretty makeup, I don't know how to phrase this, you should be sleeping on the Helix mattress that JPC and I got you.

Yeah, I mean we know that sometimes people have been like don't sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, but they mean don't side sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't hot sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, because we know that everybody sleeps different. Well the Helix Sleep mattress is designed for people who sleep in a variety of different ways.

And you can take a quiz. And it's not the type of quiz that you can fail, so don't worry about that. I worry about that. But it's just a quiz to get to know what kind of sleeper you are.

You took the Helix Sleep quiz, Erin, and you got a don't sleep, right?

The first F ever.

You can find that quiz at helixsleep.com slash riddle. It only takes two minutes, and it's going to match your specific makeup to a mattress that's right for you.

Yeah that's why they call it helix sleep because it relies on double helix so you just enter your DNA into the quiz and then it tells you what kind of mattress is your soulmate basically.

And it tells you what kind of mattresses your ancestors slept on. I mean you'll see that in your dreams.

Yeah that'll be something that they don't promise that but that is something that comes in most people's dreams.

And they have a 10-year warranty and you get to try it for a hundred nights risk-free.

They have a 10-year warranty?

There is a little loophole here because they say a hundred nights but you also get the hundred days as well so you can sleep in the mattress 24 hours a day for a hundred days.

And for me specifically for Adal Rifai those are Arabian days and Arabian nights. That's true. All a hundred.

And that's not something any of the rest of us feel comfortable saying.

And if you sleep next to a partner, half the mattress can be for you and the other half of the mattress can be for your partner.

Or, you know, you could do three quarters. Just with sprawl. With arms and legs. But right now, Helix is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. That's $125 off. To get your $125 off, at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order. Don't sleep on this deal. That's not theirs. That's mine.

I guess the way I sleep is like as I clutch a pillow and I kiss it.

Yeah, I do the same thing, but the pillows in between my legs.

How I sleep is, you know, when you get someone in that like choke hold, um, like with your, with your leg.

Oh, like Xena did for James Bond in that movie.

That's what my blankets do to me.

That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. Of course on the pillow I write, not a pillow. So when I kiss it, it makes sense.

Naturally. You're pretty unique.

Helixsleep.com slash riddle. And we're back with Erin the animated chinchilla.

I take a bath in dirt!

That's fun. That's fun. I hope Pixar listens. Cool, so we are going to take a little return trip to Nathan Levi's Stories with Holes. You may remember these as being some of the worst bullshit in the fucking history of riddles. These are riddle books that were published in the early 80s, I believe. They're very bad, and we are determined to work our way through these disastrous riddle books.

We need to say, early 80s, hurry down the chimney tonight. Alright.

I don't know that you had to say that. So, if you remember how we do these riddles, you can ask yes or no questions to get more information, or if you're Adal, you can immediately say what you think the answer is and it's nowhere near the answer, or if you're Erin, you can do that in one shot, you can get it right exactly right the first time. And that was, Erin didn't poop out a penny. Erin was eating those pennies from the table. Erin, put the pennies down and focus on eating the scorpions.

Wow, she popped out eight more and they're all wheat pennies. What are the odds of that?

Am I on a podcast?

Sylvester, let me take this again, okay. Kevin had just received a promotion in his company. To celebrate, Kevin and his wife invited his boss, his boss's wife, and a party of 70 in for dinner. A fire broke out during the party and no one escaped from the room. In the morning, firemen found the bodies of only five people in the rooms. How did this happen?

Here's what I love. I love that somebody got a promotion and they're like, me, my wife, my boss, their wife, and 70 people. You're just gonna have a bit of a soiree.

It could be the company, maybe.

So they found five bodies in the ruins?

Five bodies.

Five people. Five people in the ruins?

The bodies of five people in the ruins.

Can you read it one more time?

Kevin had just received a promotion in his company. To celebrate, Kevin and his wife invited his boss, his boss's wife, and a party of 70 in for dinner. A fire broke out during the party, and no one escaped from the room. In the morning, firemen found the bodies of only five people in the ruins. I realized what I hate about this book. They don't capitalize letters after periods. Is that what you hate about it? Well, just reading it is infuriating because it's all lowercase. That sucks.

Also the content.

Oh yeah.

So they want us to know how do firemen do their job? Yeah the question is how do firemen do their job. So there's 74 people in the room, fire breaks out, they only find five bodies. So we're missing 69 bodies. Hahaha 69. No wait.

No.

No that's the answer. Hahaha 69.

Me. My wife. My wife? My boss's wife. My boss's wife.

And a party of 70. And a party of 70. The party of 70 was the Donner party. They ate each other. That's why they only found five bodies is because five people ate 69 people ate 69, 69. Why was seven afraid of eight? Eight, 69.

Eight, 69, seven, so dirty. Maybe he is his own boss now. And his boss's wife is just his wife.

That's pretty good. Maybe he's his own boss now. How does that explain only five people though?

Also, just to backtrack slightly, if somebody can send some fanart of the number 7 and the number 8 69-ing. Oh.

And if that gets lost in the mail, or doesn't quite make the send button. Then email it.

Yeah, I think email it to erin.tripleinparakeets. You're email address is erin.trouble-in-parakeifs, right?

Very true. It was very expensive. I've got two tickets to parakeifs. So, first of all, this sounds like a really fun party.

Well, no, people die.

Oh, that's what I meant. Okay. So also, uh, how did the fire start? Was it candles? Was it a hair straightener?

I will say that that's not important and you have not, you have yet to ask me a yes or no question.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, here we go. Was that, was the fire started by trying to scare a snowman with a hairdryer?

Uh, yes.

Was the fire started by one of the people in the party?

Um, it does not matter.

I know the answer.

Were the 70 guests, uh, people?

Uh, were the 70?

They were snowmen. They melted. That's why it was only for buddies. Let my bodies hit the floor.

Let my bodies hit the floor. This is no longer a winter themed riddle. So divorce yourself from that possibility. Erin, can you ask me that question again?

We're the 70 guests people.

I do need you to ask me a different, a more specific version of that question. I can't really answer that question.

We're the 70 guests humans.

They were cardboard cutouts. The party was was Macaulay Culkin with cardboard cutouts on strings trying to make the web animal.

Everyone who attended the party was a human. Yes.

So that's 74. But answer my question. You have to answer yes or no to my question. Were the 70 guests people?

So I can't answer yes or no to that question. So that's part of it. You have to ask a different question because you're assuming too much information in that question.

Did anyone spontaneously combust? No. Was the person who got the promotion the same as the boss? No.

Were they not actually at the party?

Were they like... No. Everyone listed was at the party.

Was the boss and the guy who got promoted married to the same person? No.

They were in the one, like the four or five people were in one room and the other people were in a different room.

No, they were all in the same room. Were the 70 guests actually a Russian nesting doll? No. Am I close? No.

The 70 guests were firefighters. No. 70 guests were not people.

Wait, couldn't they just have burned up into ash and you don't find their bodies? You would have found their remains

But yeah, I mean technically yes.

But they don't even say bodies.

They do say bodies. Fire has been found in the bodies of only five people in the ruins. Gotcha. How did this happen?

The guests aren't people.

I will read the one part that I think is the this is my hint for you. This is the part that has the answer in it.

Okay.

To celebrate so that or I'm sorry to celebrate Kevin and his wife invited his boss his boss's wife and a party of 70 and for dinner.

A party of 70 what?

It was one person and they legally changed their name to Party of Seventy because they were a big Party of Five fan but they love to do things to the 14th degree.

Yeah, no, but that's the closest you've been.

Oh, it's a 70 year old man.

Yes. Party of Seventy. It is a Party of Seventy. It's a septuagenarian. Answer, there were never more than five people there. The man, his wife, his boss, his boss's wife, and the Party of Seventy, an elderly relative. The trick was that it was a relative.

It's all relative.

Everything's relative.

That's what I say when someone calls me brother. Let's rank this riddle. I would give this riddle an F for fire.

Well, so yeah, that's great. Now that is the end. That was the last riddle in Nathan Levi's Stories with Holes Volume 1. I also have Nathan Levi's Stories with Holes Volume 2.

Why are you like this?

The thing about these is he did 20 volumes of these.

Oh my god.

Well, now that we're pot committed, we need the other 18.

We only have three. This business went out of business sometime in the 80s.

I tried to do some online- Did they go out of business or were they like sued by human race? Human.

I tried to do some research on who this person is or what this thing was.

Is it like a Lemony Snicket situation?

It seems like this person spent years of their life compiling these stupid things and I don't, I mean if anyone can point me in the direction of Nathan Levi from Highstown, New Jersey.

Sounds like we're about to go on an adventure.

NL Associates Inc. is no longer an incorporated company in New Jersey so I don't know how to find this person. We would love to have him on the show.

Here's what I want to see before we get into this terrible next chapter of garbage. I want to see a scene where Erin you are hosting some sort of event and GPC you are a caterer and I want there to just be mass confusion in the way you talk in terms of if you say I'm having a party of 70 and you mean one person okay gotcha you're fucking up everything so I just want there to be some some some terrible game of telephone going on.

What is this?

Oh, those are the Ordorves that you Ordored.

What?

Those are the Ordorves that you Ordored?

Okay, I'm having a party of 70 over, so I'm gonna need 18 birthday cakes, but a turkey dinner for one. And what are these?

This is eight teen birthday cakes. Birthday cakes for teens.

Yeah, I don't even know what any of these references are in the cake. Like, what's this one?

Oh, that's Dab on My Haters Graves Fortnite.

Okay, well that doesn't sound like a thing teens actually say. That sounds like what a deranged 29 almost 30-year-old man thinks teens say.

Technically 30 now, but yes. This one says, uh, Flossy with my posse.

Okay, so have you met a teen recently?

These are 18 cakes. These were cakes... Fourteens? No, cakes prepared by teens.

Okay, well what's this one?

Uh, that one just says, Do I make you horny, baby?

Alright, well then what's this one?

That one is a picture of Mr. T and it says, I'm teed off.

All right, what's this one then?

That is a picture of Calvin peeing on a adult.

All right, next one.

So this is number five. That one just says, what a boy, bourbon bowl.

This one?

That one says skateboard class.

And this one?

Middle school sucks.

And this one?

Ah, that one says, down with teachers. And there's a crude picture of a teacher going down on a dog.

Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, I'm so sorry to bother you. We just got an order for five more cakes. Can you tell me what to put on them?

Oh yes, five more-man cakes. This is going to say Church of Latter-day Skates. Great. This one is good.

Are these Mormon Teeth now?

Mormon Teeth Cakes. That one is going to say Salt Lick My Ball City. Great. That one is going to say Mitt Rom Nito. Adal Rifai. Let's get into book two, baby. Don't you ever fucking pimp me into lists. You know, I'm improv trained. I've got 15 years of this business.

I went to the Mormon church so much growing up. Oh yeah? My best friend, uh, Julie is Mormon. And in order for us to have sleepovers, I had to go to the Mormon church all the time.

And request, request that God allow you the ability to sleep.

Yes. It was very interesting.

In college, me and my buddy Mike used to call the Mormons on each other because if you call the Mormons and give them your address, they'll show up with one of their weirdo Bibles. They'll show up at the Book of Mormon and they'll deliver it to you by hand. And so we always used to do that. We would be like, yeah, come meet me at this time and set up a call. Then they'd show up and be like, want to talk about Mormonism? We'd be like, no. It was a fun prank.

Yeah, they're not human.

Mike, you know, Mike certainly wasn't. Ah, no, I think all religion is equally bad. Let's go to another riddle. This one is titled, The Hissing Sound. The hissing sound led to an investigation. The investigation led to the discovery of drowned parties. The investigator helped prevent future drowning and even greater loss. What happened?

I got it.

Okay. And Adal, this is great because you got it immediately so you're going to be correct on this and this is one of your classic getting it right on the first tries. Let's hear it right now.

So I'll say the answer. You'll confirm that that answer was indeed correct and we'll move on with our lives.

We'll both dab and we'll both celebrate.

So what happened was this is the Chamber of Secrets. It got flooded with water. There's a basilic speaking parcel tongue.

This book is from the early 80s?

This book is from the early 80s. So it predicted Harry Potter.

I think actually this edition was published in 1990. Okay, well it's partial tongue clearly.

Did I tell you that I think I created Dumbledore before Harry Potter came out?

No, dead stop. Dead, dead parents stop. The dead stop. My parents are dead stop. The boy who dead stop. Who is Dumbledore? Erin, Paul, you just claimed this is going to make Reddit front page. This is herstory. Erin Keif just claimed she created Dumbledore.

Dumbledore, I didn't, not his name, I got everything right except his name. So my pretend friend growing up was a wizard named Wizzy. Hold on.

Okay, I've heard all I need to hear.

No, but he had an identical personality to Dumbledore. And then when my mom started reading me Harry Potter, I like, had like, I flipped out because I was like, they took it. They took, I was like, he taught me magic. I went to his school that was behind, I had to walk around a tree in my neighbor's backyard three times to go see him.

Let me ask you this, was he gay?

Yes. Wow! Definitely gay. Then that's Dumbledore. Yeah, you just go outside, you walk around clockwise around the tree three times and he would join me and then he would be like, this is how you do magic. And they taught me how to control the weather.

Erin, I don't know how to dead stop a dead stop. This is the deepest, this is like Inception. Inception Dead Stop! A deader stop.

Here's the thing, there weren't a lot of kids in my neighborhood my age.

So you invented a wizard who was instinctively way older than you?

Yes, and my sisters were cooler and didn't want to play with me.

This is like biting into a piece of pie and there's a full pie inside of it like this this is the gift that keeps on giving. This is like biting into a piece of pie.

Can someone drop me and Wizzy just like a little girl with fangs walking around a tree with a wizard?

But he's like a janky Dumbledore so describe describe Wizzy without before you knew what Dumbledore was or is describe Wizzy like you said he had the same like mirror traits old man

Um like mischievous jovial twinkle in his eye Was in charge of a magic school and came and was like you're not ready to go to magic school So I'm gonna teach you how to like control the weather and do magic things.

Can I ask you something? Yeah. Have you ever seen sword in the stone? No, I at that point I hadn't because Dumbledore is basically Merlin

Yeah, I think I maybe invented Merlin after Merlin already existed. Anyways, but he just was dumb. He's very Dumbledore-ish.

So Wizzy taught you to control the weather.

In other things.

Can you still do that?

And make sure the Patriots won it every time I watched them.

How did, how? You have a very important quest, Erin. You must make sure the Patriots always win football.

Tom Brady will pass for 500 yards.

Until I was 18, I never saw the Patriots lose. Like every time I sat down to watch the Patriots, they won.

Well even when they win they lose.

Do you guys think that Tom Brady is one of Bill Belichick's horcruxes?

Yeah, he is definitely a problem. Tom Brady is like not a good guy, but one time when I was in third grade I went to the Patriots parade in Boston and he made eye contact with me.

Brady did or Belichick?

Brady did and I swear to God I hit puberty like right at that moment. I became a woman. I was like oh my god he's the most handsome. Anyways.

So how did you control the weather? What was the magic?

Well, this is going to sound stupid. No.

So far everything you've said... No. I created Dumbledore, a wizard named Wizzy.

He walked me around the tree three times. I was a lonely kid. This is going to sound so smart.

No, I thought I could control local weather based on my feelings.

Tom Brady looked at me and I hit puberty. Now this is going to sound stupid. You thought you could control local weather.

Yeah I did not like globally but I thought like Erin you need to keep your emotions in check because when it rains it's because you're not.

The weather's been all over the freaking place today.

Hi I'm Scott Wally an eight-year-old girl made it rain again today.

Did Wizzy have a Boston accent?

No, he was Dumbledore.

Was he British? He was British. Wow. Was he like the Michael Gambon Dumbledore? The first one. What was that guy's name? Richard Harris?

Yeah. I regret telling you this.

Okay so we have to see a scene with Erin as young Erin. JPC, you're gonna be Tom Brady. Okay. And I'm gonna be Wizzy.

Also I had Harry Potter glasses. What does that mean? Like the shape of Harry Potter's glasses.

Well that's just round glasses. Okay.

What was the scene I wasn't listening to?

You're gonna be you. As a young girl. I'm gonna be Wizzy and JPC is gonna be Tom Brady. Yeah.

Okay I can't wait for this to be a reoccurring segment. Okay. And three, I've walked around the tree three times. Hey!

Erin, it's me, Wizzy.

Where's your British accent?

What do you mean? I have a British accent inherently. Try one of my fizzy whizbees.

Okay. These are called Wizzy's Fizzy Whizbees. Oh my god, hello. Hi.

Oh, I've tied up Tom Brady.

You brought me Tom Brady? Yes.

Because I know you'll find him handsome and you can control the weather by getting wet.

Oh, I'm a kid! That's a freaking kid!

Never mind, never mind. I take it all back. Let me magic this away. Now, Erin, I want to teach you something special.

Yes.

Now, if you pull off the tape and kiss Tom Brady, you're going to be able to apparate.

Okay, Tom Brady, hi! Do I have permission to kiss you handsome but problematic man who definitely cheated that one time and has really problematic political views?

Oh wait, I took the tape off, that's just how he talks. Oh dude, Donald Trump is good president. Yes, he's dumb as shit. I eat poop.

Never mind.

Erin, what magic would you like to learn? I have more to say.

Can you have it so I can make some friends in my neighborhood and I don't have to ride my bike alone all over the neighborhood and talk to myself all the time?

Oh, sweetie.

No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

No, you're not. Oh, I'm fine.

Erin, you are fine. It's me, Peyton Manning.

I get into fights with my sister just so she'll talk to me.

There's no one fucking listening to me, I'm Peyton Manning.

Oh, Peyton Manning, no one cares.

Hey, it's me, Eli Manning.

Oh, people care less.

I'm the plucky young bro.

I think it's me. I think there's a third Manning. Yeah, I think he's an architect. I'm an architect.

Hi, I'm Drew Brees.

It's me, Rex Manning from the movie Empire Records.

The Empire Records. I love that movie. Not on Rex Manning Day. Erin, Erin.

No, no scene yet. It is me called the horse. The evil wizard called the horse.

What the fuck?

You created me.

Did I?

I am them who shall not be named. But my name is Cold Horse.

Oh, I see. I see what happened here. Well... Wizzy, get him! Or no, I'm gonna make the weather rain on you.

Yes, Erin, use the weather to make it rain on Cold Horse.

Rain, rain, rain. Sadness, sadness in my body. Little kid sadness. A very specific kind of sadness. Little kid melancholy. Go!

You're just pushing $1 bills. All right. So do you have the answer?

Yeah, that was a way too personal of a thing that I just I'm sure if we all have fucked up stupid stuff from our childhoods, we'll share it eventually. It was really cool. The hissing sound is

The hissing sound led to an investigation. The investigation led to the discovery of drowned parties. The investigator helped prevent future drowning and even greater loss. Was nothing about the things that you said?

I'm gonna ask some yes or no questions. Was the hissing sound of flat tire? No. Was the hissing sound of gas leak?

Uh, no.

Was the hissing sound of snake? No. Was the hissing sound... a hysterectomy?

No. Hisssterectomy. That's parcel tongue for history. You don't speak parcel tongue.

Does the hissing sound come from a person? No. Like boo, hiss.

No. It's not a cartoon person. So it led to an investigation of underwater, of drowned parties? Are parties people again? No. Is drowned parties, is drowned their last name? No. And they're not people. Is it Drowning Pool?

Yes, it's the band Drowning Pool.

Oh, so it's not people who are drowning.

No. Drowned parties is not people. Drowned parties is not people.

Are they plants? No. And the hose is the hissing sound and it's on and all the plants are being drowned?

No. No. No to both of you. What else hisses? You were closest with hose, Erin.

Fire hydrant.

Um, no.

Hose. No.

Sink. No.

Shower.

No, but think of where else water is.

Ocean.

Water on earth.

Water in house.

Water in body. Water in house. Water everywhere. What takes the water to the heater in the house? Pipes. Pipies. Burst pipe.

Yes, the hissing sound was a burst pipe. Drowned rats. Cracked pipe.

Drowned mice.

No. Drowned gerbils. Smaller. Cockroaches. Mini mice. Hey Riddle.

No, it actually says in this book that cockroaches don't love. They're actually hashtag no love. They just down to fuck. They just fuck around. Cockroaches are fuckboys. Thank you, next. Thank you, next, cockroaches.

Oh, teens. Okay, is that, we got it right? That's the whole thing?

Uh, so you got a part of it, right? It was the hissing sound was a drown, was a pipe. The drowned parties were bugs. But the investigator helped prevent future drowning and even greater loss. Because the bugs were pregnant and the babies died? It was an exterminator. No.

The guy who does the pipes.

Yes, plumber. And the further, the even greater loss that he prevented, they prevented?

Water loss.

Yes, he prevented more water from being lost. He saved the life of all the cockroaches. The hissing sound was a widening leak in a basement pipe. The drowned parties were bugs covered by the leaking water. The discovery of the leak saved the basement from being damaged by the flood. Aren't y'all proud of yourselves for getting the riddle right? Yes. Not this one. Alright, if you can help us find Nathan Levy, we all have some, he's got a lot to answer for. Books 3 through 20, yeah.

Actually, can I say something?

Yes, Erin, please.

I think I really like bad riddles. Like those to me are somehow more satisfying. I know they fill you listeners with a rage, but the thing about good riddles is they, when you do too many of them in a row, your brain is like used to listening to certain things. This one is like a pull apart the words riddle. This one is like a diversion riddle. So I feel like bad riddles often don't do a correct format. And those are the ones that are actually surprising to me.

We should also mention, and I feel like we've said this before, but we plan on doing this podcast for a long time. And there are thousands of years. There are 12 good riddles in the world. And they're all in The Hobbit. Egg, that's one of them. Yeah, time, egg, history. Bubble, cloud. We have to sometimes do bad riddles.

No, we have to always do bad riddles. The other thing about bad riddles is that even the freaking playing field, because even you people out there that are so good at riddles can't get the bad riddles because they're impossible.

And I think also, here's my other theory about riddles, I think that they're only good if you hear like one a year.

Oh yeah.

Because your brain cannot be like ready for a riddle.

That's right, Erin. Riddles are bad. Tom Riddle is bad. But Tom Brady's good.

I eat my two keys.

All right.

This riddle is called, What Suzy Observes. Suzy observes the body. Why does the title... just say the first sentence, because the last couple you've been like, this one's called the hissing sound.

I love that Nathan wrote titles for these.

What Suzy observes... Nathan, if you are out there and still alive, you have an open invitation to come on the show. We will berate you. We will interrogate you.

I want to know about what your life is and what led you to this fate. We will make you cry. Susie observes the body. Her report is filed, but not with the police. Body crisis. Explain. Body of Christ. Eucharist.

It's not a body of a person. Yes. It is a body of a person. No. Okay. It's an animal. No. It's animal control.

One more time. Marce- Suzy observes the body. Her report is filed, but not with the police.

Body of water.

No. Body... Body rock.

Body moving. Beastie Boys.

Yes, it's Beastie Boys. No. Body... So it's not an animal. No.

Bug.

No. It's a body. What else is a body? No. Oh, car. No.

Is it a mode of transportation?

No. Is it the actor Boddy Hartley? What's that guy's name?

Is it the singer Ornament Jones?

Are you thinking of the football player Tom Boddy? That's who it is. What else is it? Boddy of Work? Shakespeare? No. It's something that you would observe.

You would observe?

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh Erin you just opened up the worst possible. I have friends that have done that. I have friends that did that like in college and shortly after college. I think that you can like go to like an art annex and sign up for something.

I did that but I did it with only I did puppetry of the penis where I just stand behind the curtain put my penis out there and then I make like little I tied in a knot tied in a bow sling it over my shoulder like a continental soldier.

I did some nude modeling in college. It was nude modeling and it was supposed to be for an art class and they were supposed to draw a naked man holding a big bowl of fruit. But I love apples. I could not keep my hands off of the fruit. Oh I thought you were going to say you got hard.

And if you're 13 listening to this, I'm sorry.

But I also think that that's an objective goal.

And I'm sorry too! You don't have a British accent, it's throwing me through a loop.

Wait, I don't have a British accent? I guess I don't.

Susie's job is to observe this body.

Body of... Proof.

Wednesdays TNT.

Is it a plant?

No.

Is it a kind of art?

No. Body. Sade.

Okay, you guys want a hint? Yeah. She needs a certain instrument to observe this body. She would not be able to observe this body without this piece of equipment.

Binoculars, telescope, body, Milky Way.

Yes, telescope, yes, yes.

Body of stars.

Yeah, a heavenly body. So Marcy is an astronomer who discovers a new heavenly body. Suzy is an astronomer who discovers a new heavenly body through her telescope.

Speaking of heavenly bodies, we're going to be right back after our sponsor, Victoria's Secret.

Oh no we're not, we're staying here.

I would love, Victoria's Secret has its problems but I'd love to be sponsored by them because I haven't bought a new bra in like three years.

Let's do a quick ad for Victoria's Secret.

Yeah, do a 15 second spot.

Erin take it away. Hi, if you're like me, your bras are starting to disintegrate.

Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm a new father to a teen daughter. It's like a big daddy situation, but older.

Oh, you should get her a cake at Teen Cakes.

I already got her a cake at Teen Cakes.

I'll fuck off then.

Well, don't fuck off, but everybody knows Teen Cakes is the best cakes for teens. Ma'am, I was looking for my teen daughter, and I was hoping that you might be able to guide me into a great experience.

Certainly. Well, first of all, I can help you find a bra that doesn't fit because that's sort of my thing. The other thing is you're going to buy a really ugly peach color forever and ever. And that's how you buy a bra and then she'll keep it till her early 30s. Yes.

Erin, thanks for coming into the doctor's office. As your doctor, I do want to let you know that the physical turned out okay, but I am deeply concerned about when you strip down for your physical, your bra is basically disintegrated.

Yeah, but I'm stubborn and I'm very, very poor.

Okay well your skin has started to grow over the brow.

That makes sense, that makes sense.

That will seep into your heart and kill you.

Yeah, well we all have to die somehow, huh?

You shouldn't say that to a doctor. Here's $20. Use that as you see fit.

I'm gonna buy a bunch of snacks. Bye!

Hey Erin, thank you for coming into the Walgreens on Clark Street and purchasing all these snacks. While you were in the aisle looking at the snacks, Notice that you're very sick and it seems you have some sort of bra slash cancer thing. Yeah. I really just can't charge you for the snacks. Here's $20.

Oh, well, yeah.

Erin, thanks for coming over to my house again. My name is Josh Radley and I'm so excited you responded to my DM about coming over to post nude.

I'm a huge Hey Riddle Riddle fan and I just think it's so cool that you offered that up to your fans for you to come over and post nude. What a cool host you are.

Door slaves down, cops storm in. Everybody freeze! You're under arrest, Erin Keif.

Well that makes sense, but here's my bra and you have to just promise me one thing. You won't throw up when you see it.

See, Victoria's Secrets. Oh yeah, that's the full ad for Victoria's Secret.

Honestly, if you're a lady, please send me some bras. Let's do another riddle.

Speaking of another riddle, He Could Not See is the title of this one. When his eyes were uncovered, he still could not see. I will give you a hint, this one is ultimately very unsatisfying, and it's the last one we'll do out of this book for a while.

He could not ocean, and even when his eyes weren't covered, he could not ocean.

Uh, no.

It's uh, it's midnight. No. It's like night time out.

Ornament Jones.

Yes. It's Ornament Jones. So it's not Ornament Jones, but the answer is it is a very specific figure.

Oh, it's William Tell.

When his eyes were uncovered, he still could not see. This is so fucked.

He could not see. This is when his eyes weren't covered. Is the person blind?

Are they dead?

No. And no. When his eyes were uncovered, he still could not see. Is it like a historical figure? No. What do you mean specific person? I didn't say person.

It's an animal. It's a potato. It's a fucking potato. Is it really? Yeah. It's a potato. But the way that this answer is phrased, it just says, Mr. Potato's eyes are not for seeing. Wait, what's this guy's name again? This guy's name is Nathan Potato. No, what's your name? Nathan Levi or Nathan Levy?

Nathan Levi. Fans of Hey Riddle Riddle, scour the internet. Scour your local telephone books.

If you live in the highest town of New Jersey and you've lived there for 30 years tweet at us.

We need to find, we will not air any more episodes until we find Nathan Levi. We need to hold this man accountable for his war crimes. This is like Goebbels and Gering part 2. I like him.

If you're listening, Erin will come over to your house and post it. I want Nathan Potato and Maria CVS to have a happy and long life together.

I'm sure this person's long dead. We have a listener submitted riddle to end the episode. This is from Tom Amber. Tom writes, hi old man, puzzles, and co. This riddle is the most stupidly hard riddle I have ever heard of. It's not fun because it's stupid, but I thought it might be interesting to hear your thoughts. Alright, so here's the riddle. Our thoughts are that it's stupid. Yeah, well we may agree with you, Tom. Also, Tom Amber, if you rearrange the letters of Tom Amber, it spells cold horse. Well, is it cold horse? Is that your... Cold horse? I can't remember. It doesn't actually matter. Fuck this podcast. Riddle, you see a letter that originated from senselessness, and that's capitalized for some reason. I'm not sure. You see a letter that originated from senselessness. What does it read?

That could be... what? There's two clues.

Do you want the clues immediately? Yes. Clue one. The letter is not one that is posted. Clue two. There are hidden instructions to follow. What the fuck?

Could you read it again?

This isn't even a riddle. You see a letter that originated from senselessness. What does it read? Is it the letter Y?

Like why the fuck it's so senseless to send in this fucking riddle? I don't know. People who listen to the podcast. Find Tom Amber.

No, leave him alone. He's great. He's smarter than us. He's fine. We hate educated people on the show. We hate when people are smarter than us.

He also said, hope you like it even if it's stupid. Love the podcast. Keep doing what you're doing.

Oh wait, I like Tom.

Yeah, we love Tom. I don't know that we'll ever get this. Do you want to hear the explanation? This is impossible to get.

What if Tom swallowed a mosquito? There'd be a mosquito trapped in amber.

Well, no, it'd be digested.

Well, just give me this.

Are you guys ready for the answer? Do you want to guess, Erin?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Can you give us a better hint?

So, let me read the explanation.

Is it a letter of the alphabet?

It's a letter of the alphabet.

A. No. B. C. D. It's not Y? S. You stopped after D. So, if you're senseless, are we taking away taste, smell, hearing? C? Is it the letter C? No.

I already said no to C. Is it a potato? No.

G. Okay, hold on. H. Hold on. I. Wait, but is it J?

I'm gonna give you the answer. I still don't understand this.

K. L. M. N. O. P. Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y. and Z. No, it's one of those.

You see a letter that originated from senselessness. What does it read? The letter is not one that is posted. There are hidden instructions to follow.

So, when it says letters, not when it's posted, it's saying it's not like a correspondence.

It's not like a correspondence, it's a letter. You see a letter, okay, here it is. The answer is E. And here's the explanation. If you read since-less-ness like instructions, i.e. since-less-ness, and take the letters of ness away from the letters of since, you are left with E. Ah, so since-less-ness.

Oh, I see.

So the letters N-E-S-S, well, or I guess the letters N-E-S are taken out of, N-E-S-S are taken out of the word since and you're left with an E. I gotta say this.

Tom. I have to say this.

What? You have to say this. I enjoy this. Yeah, it's pretty good.

Tom did it, and we were mean to him, but Tom, we appreciate you.

Tom, we will not post another podcast, we will not do any more episodes until we get to meet up in person and I get to buy you a drink.

Tom, you should come on the show. Tom, come on the show. Walk in and start recording with us.

Tom, I will say from the look on Adal gave, if he does buy you a drink, drink it very fast, because I imagine the poison is in the ice, my dear boy.

And you should pee it out.

Pee it out. Pee that poison out. This is a very frustrating riddle, so I'm gonna give it an F for frustrating, but I think it's very good.

I'm gonna give it an E. I'm gonna give it an A for Adal approved.

I think that's fantastic. Thank you so much, Tom, for the riddle. If you have a riddle that you want us to read on the show, please send it in to HRRPodcast.gmail.com and if you have just like something that you want to say, if you want to say hello, if you want to just talk to us, also write in to HRRPodcast.gmail.com and we'll maybe give you a little response on that.

You can always send us emails at h, you can always send us emails at hrrpodcastatgmail.com. You can follow us on Twitter, on Instagram. We have merch up at t public. Please check out our Patreon which is launched or launching soon. We would love to have you check that out. We're going to have all kinds of bonus content every week. We're going to have episodes that are very similar to this but a little bit different. With game show type stuff, road trip type games, special one-offs, all kinds of fun stuff. So please check that out. Just little nuggets of Americana.

Just the American experience.

And we are changing our podcast name from Hey Riddle Riddle to little nuggets of Americana.

And check us out. You can see the three of us perform weekly at I.O. Chicago in the show World News Tonight. So please come see the show and please please please if you do stick around afterwards and say hi and we'd love to meet you and buy you a drink and make you drink Buy a drink, make you drink the ice, take a photo, and kill you.

Take a photo of the drink, kill the drink. JPC, anything to plug? You can just follow me on Twitter at jpsofly or follow me on Instagram at sharkparkman.

Follow me on Instagram at erinkeif10 to look at pictures of my niece.

Erin, Erin, I have to tell you.

What?

One of the planets is in retrograde.

Uh oh.

Do you know which one?

Is it Jupiter?

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. A.G. Snyder did the editing and Ari Parrot did the music. Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emily Neforce.

That was a HeadGum podcast.