Which Riddle Riddle?

Bark bark bark, JPC. Me hungry.

Adal, we've talked about this, my man. If you do that, I will feed you, but it will be dog food.

That's fine.

Okay, I mean, I think I know what's going on. You want the dog food because you know that I use Ollie dog food.

Ruff ruff.

Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients for dogs. Now, I gotta say, Adal, you can eat it. I don't think you're gonna like it as a human. This is specifically for dogs.

It just looks and sounds so good. Also, with Ollie, you don't just get food through their app. You can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture of your dog, not of your Adal, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, coat, all because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be.

I wonder what happens if I upload a picture of Adal. Let me just try it now. They said, oh, they said, this dog is very sick. Take this dog. Take this dog. It says to a people hospital. I switched to Ollie, I tried it out, my dog Spaghetti absolutely went nuts for Ollie. She is a dog, one of these types of dogs, I don't know if you've heard of, have you heard of these types of dogs? She's the type of dog who you can like put the food in her bowl and then she'll just like see it in there all day and only eat it when she's hungry. Now, when it's time for dinner, at about four o'clock every day, she comes up and starts snapping at me like, hey man, get the Ollie out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, dude, you gotta be getting faster at this. She absolutely loves it and it's the first food that I've ever given her that she actually seems to be interested in. So get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to Ollie.com slash Riddle, tell them all about your dog, and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-I-E dot com slash Riddle. And enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Can't confirm the promo code works because I used it. I used my own promo code for my own podcast. That's how much I like the product.

Oh, shoot. I just remembered I buried some bones in the backyard. And by bones, I mean Erin. Let me go dig her up.

Oh boy. Ollie, feed the obsession.

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

No shit, all Sherlock. It's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Bob, we had a baby yutza boy. We had a baby yutza boy, oh boy. JPC, what's another name for a scrotum? I really hate when you do this. Nailbag!

It's time for another Mailbag episode, but we have a very special guest in the studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Brooke Breit. Hello!

She's at the bottom of a ravine. We threw down a rope, we hope she'll climb up it.

Hello!

Now she's put a pie on her face and trying to win back her kids.

You may know Brooke from Magic Tavern where she plays Flower, am I correct in this? I don't know why I'm giving her Magic Tavern credits.

No, it's fine, and I hope it's not disconcerting that this is my real voice.

Yeah. It's always fun when they find out what you sound like.

Or look like. Yeah, that's true. Most people are disappointed.

I've had so many people come up to me, Magic Tavern fans, who are like, Flowers like, and they'll describe you and it's like the exact opposite, like it's just, it's very funny to hear them describe you. I love it. So you do, you do flower, F-L-O-U-R, on Magic Tavern. Give us a little taste of that. What's on my flowerisms?

Oh, like things that Flower would say?

Yeah, just like opens the door and what do you say?

Opens the door and is like, what's up motherfuckers?

And then you also do, you do a show with us called World News Tonight.

I do.

Give us a little taste of what that is.

I'm walking on as a character.

That's a pretty good impression of Brooke doing World News Tonight.

Usually an old lady.

Brooke also does do an old lady character that sounds a lot like Bill Cosby, which is not cool anymore. But at the time.

And the thing is, is I'm not intending to do a Bill Cosby voice. It just is.

Well, yeah, but Bill Cosby has always sounded like an old lady. We'll use a voice modulator on that.

Brooke, anything else you want to plug? Because this has been so much fun.

Thank you. I'm hugging everybody.

Erin, you were late this episode.

I actually left. I ran some errands.

So for the mailbag episodes what we do is of course we read the emails you sent.

And yeah, that's all about me.

It's all about Brooke. Because you can write your own riddles or send in riddles that you enjoy. And we have, oh god, so many.

And yeah, we have a ton of people send us emails. Sometimes people send us emails months ago for riddles that we've already done on the show. But please keep sending us riddles. You can always send us riddles to hrrpodcast at gmail.com.

Also, some people have sent us some personal notes about what we could do differently. Please send those to do not send those emails at gmail.com.

Although, GBC, when we, like a couple hours ago before we started talking about podcast stuff, what did you say some of the emails said about, what did you notice a reoccurring theme?

Do you want me to throw more gas on this fire? I will say that in episode 2, 3, or 4, Erin had talked about a UTI and a disconcerting amount of people emailed us mentioning her UTI. And I will say, I went through it. It's kind of like an equal mix men and women, which seems weird. There was one couple that was like, me and my boyfriend have to know about the UTI. And I was like, you don't.

It's just people seeking more information. It's not helpful.

A lot of people don't have health care, so they'll email us a podcast to see what they should do.

What you're doing is irresponsible.

I think that a lot of people felt like the UTI thread was left dangling at the end.

They often are. Can I ask a dumb question because I'm sure the answer is yes. Yes. Did anybody email in about that same episode where I made that UTI joke where I said somebody approached a rapper that was 2 Chainz and said UTI? Did anybody email?

Let me see. No one did. Wait a second. This is an email from the rapper T.I. and he says, my music's pretty good. That's not T.I.

That's what I say every time I meet a calculator. UTI? UTI?

You graphing? But if you do have if you do have riddles that you want to submit please keep submitting them to the show we will I'm sure we'll do this podcast for a thousand years so we'll get to all of these eventually but also people have been sending in you know very nice things about the show or like positive messages or little stories about like times that they've been listening please send those in and if you want to send those as separate emails than the riddle ones we really appreciate it because then we can like answer them and respond to them but if it has a riddle in it we can't I also think it's cool that a lot of people have come up with very creative ways for giving us the answers to the riddle in the email. Like some people attach the answers as a PDF, so you have to like open that separately.

Some people mail us a codex and we have to solve that. Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code.

One guy kidnapped my daughter for a couple days.

But of course you got a particular set of skills that make people like you a nightmare for those people.

Yeah, I have a pretty serious set of skills to make me a nightmare.

Number one, lack of social awareness.

Loud voice, closed quarters, annoying on podcasts, over-talking. Balmy hands.

So for this episode JPC will be old male puzzles.

Yes, I'll be able to build puzzles. I have selected some of the listener submitted riddles for this week, and I'll be walking them through it. So that Brooke will, I know some of these and I don't know some of these. So I'll ask them, I'll tell you which ones I don't know ahead of time, then we'll try to suss them out. There's not really warm up riddles for this because some people like submitted more warm up riddles, but I just selected kind of like an equal mix. I feel warm. Great, I feel warm as well, and I hope our audience feels warm, too.

Before we start, really quick, I know I keep delaying it, but Brooke, do you have any thoughts about riddles, or puzzles, or mind games that you stand on? Oh yeah, that's a great call.

I love them. It doesn't mean that I'm good at them, but I do love them. And I used to, on car trips, when I was in a touring company with Second City, we had a box of a game, an old board game called Crack the Code. And we would play Crack the Code all the time. This is pre-smartphone. What is Crack the Code?

You were on tour in 1984?

Yes. I am two million years old.

Do you remember, were those, was Crack the Code like... Crack the Case. Crack the Case. Was that like the, because I think I've heard of this or seen this, where it's like old court cases that actually happened where you have to solve what the outcome was?

Maybe, but mostly they were really convoluted weird riddles that were infuriating.

I'm

Okay cool so yeah so these are some lists are submitted this one is from Eric Berlin and the title of the email is the jester and the princess cool mm-hmm this is a little bit of a story riddle so I'm gonna read for a minute do the voices I'll do your voices when your mom comes back. She's in the army and she's protecting our freedoms. Happy ending.

Do all the riddles have backstories? Yes. Great.

The jester and princess fell in love and the king was not happy about it. The king decided to give the jester a test. A tester, if you will. If the jester, that's not Eric's joke, that's mine. Eric, don't get credit for that. If the jester passed, the king would give the couple his blessing. The Jester was led down a hallway in the castle to a bare room with a lamp in the middle of the floor. The lamp contained a single light bulb, which was off. The Jester was allowed to look at the room for a few moments, and then he was led out again. The door to the room was closed, and an angry-looking guard was stationed in front of it. There was, of course, no way to see the lamp through the closed door. The king then led the jester down the hall to a panel with three simple light switches, all in the off position. One of these switches turns on the lamp in that room. The other two switches do nothing. If you can tell me which switch turns on the lamp, I will give my blessing to you and my daughter. You can play with the switches for as long as you wish. You can also go back into the room with the lamp.

That's what I tell my nieces over the holiday. Got a Nintendo Switch, you play with that Switch as long as you want.

Yeah, that's very fun of you.

Couldn't sit on that gold, sorry.

I hope it ruins the riddle. I will give my blessing to you and my daughter. You can play with the switches for as long as you wish. You can also go back into the room with a lamp. But once you do, you can no longer touch the switches. And if you try, that angry guard will kill you. If you can tell me with the absolute assurance which of these three switches controls the lamp in that room, I will let you marry my daughter. The jester was a clever fellow, so he's not an adult JPC, Erin, or Brooke type, and was able to do this. For sure, but I included me second. The jester was a clever fellow and able to do this. Can you?

Here's my number one qualm.

And I don't know the answer to this one, I'll say.

Here's my number one qualm with this riddle. Okay. We have a king, a princess, and a jester. Yes. When we talk about jesters, we're talking like 1,200 to 1,700? Pounds?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Pretty big guys, right? Pretty big guy, yeah, big guy.

That's why they're funny, right? Yeah, funny guy, big guy, Farley, Belushi. Why would a king, a princess, and a jester have electricity in their castle? Oh is that part of the riddle is like this is like a medieval times or something?

This is well Eric does go on to clarify that this is taking place in a medieval time.

Perfect then yeah one drumstick one Pepsi.

Alright, so what happens when you turn on a light?

So there's three switches and one of them turns the light on, I assume.

Yeah, but what are some consequences or other things that happen when you turn on a light? People's pupils change, sometimes it makes a noise, sometimes they're static.

A guard goes, the light's on!

That's what it is, the guard's his dad and he's gonna help him out and scream it's on. The guard is the mother.

Yeah, I don't know what happens when you turn on a light yeah, I guess I guess that the it seems like the room is like sealed Very much, so How long have it has it been since they've eaten bear just ate each other oh, it's a lighthouse They might be gents A single light bulb, which was off. The jester was allowed to look at the room for a few moments, then was let out again. The door to the room was closed. Yeah. So wait, he can play with the switches. Can he go back into the room? One time, but after he does, he can't touch the switches anymore. I got it. But he still, all he has to do is say, this is the right switch.

I got it. Oh, wait.

He turns all the switches on.

Oh, if he has to point to the right switch after, can he go back and forth into the room?

Which of those three switches controls the lamp in that room? I think I got it. So if you turn on two of the switches and leave one off and then go in the room and the light is off, you know which switch it is. But if you turn on two and go in the room and the light is on, then it's one of those two switches, right?

My thought was he can only go back into the room once or many times.

Oh, I know.

Oh, well, that's what, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's the heat of the lamp. You leave the switch on for like five minutes, turn it off, go back in and feel for heat.

So, but that's only one. And then he can't do anymore. Like he can't move the switches after he goes in.

So he turns one light switch on and that's it.

There are clues, there are some hints. Let's hear some. Do we want to hear some of these clues? I like the idea of heat on the light.

I want to hear clues if you'll do them in a Tim Curry voice. And Tim Curry, he sounds like soup. He sounds like soup, yes.

Well, maybe he does one at a time. So if he goes, I'm going to turn this switch on, and then I'm going to wait a little bit, and then the next switch, and then wait a little bit, and then the third, and then go quickly. So if it's really hot, it's the third switch. If it's sort of hot, it's the middle switch. And if it's kind of cold, it's the first one.

That's how I decided which of JPC's brothers to date. I only have two brothers.

Was I in the running? I didn't make it! No! You weren't hot enough. Boy oh boy. Yeah, I'm not the hottest of my brothers. I say that sarcastically, but I'm not.

There's something with him being able to examine the room. So he can examine the room as long as he wants. Are there wires that he can follow?

It's a bear room, so there's only bear wires, aka veins. Clues! Did the jester simply guess and get lucky? Yes. What? It's no. But that would be the best clue. It's like, is it a guess? Yes. Did the jester poison or otherwise subdue the guards that he could get into the room more than once? No. The jester played by the rules set out by the king. Could the jester see the light from the lamp through the cracks in the door or something like that? No. So none of those were avenues that we were exploring.

So I would say that those clues are not helpful to us.

So the other thing is that all the three are in the off position right now. So if you turn the one to the right on, and then turn the one in the middle off,

Now one of them is in the on position and two are off. If you turn one on for five minutes, then turn it off, then turn on three, if the bulb is off but hot it was one, if the bulb is on it's three, if it's not hot or on it's two. I think that's correct, right?

Right? Yeah, I think something like that. But I also think that there's an order, if you turn one on and the other two are off, then

Oh shit, I got it.

Oh do you? He's an X-Man. This guy must be an X-Man.

Yeah, which X-Man would he be that would solve it?

That can't be our answer to everyone. Every time, Adal.

Nightcrawler's powers allow him to transport himself from inside a room to outside a room. There is the smell of sulfur, so the guards will know.

I am the bulb finder.

This originally, this made me think of, you know that thing, that logic problem with like the wolf and the chicken and going across the lake? Like, it feels like that kind of riddle.

Oh yeah, where it's like you have to eat a chicken to cross the road.

There's a farmer with a chicken, a wolf, and a bag of grain. Marry, fuck, kill. Grain. Fuck the grain. Fuck the grain.

Fuck the grain away. Marry the chicken. Marry the grain. Marry the grain.

Whip the chicken. You grain whipped. I want to see a scene.

I don't need to tell you that you're wrong, but you are wrong.

I want to see a scene where JPC is playing Professor X. Good, your X-Men thing? Brooke made a great aside that the mutant would be called the Bulb Changer.

The Bulb Finder.

So we're gonna have Professor X and the Bulb Finder. And Erin, you're also gonna play a mutant with whatever terrible power. And it's the two of you clearly, like, F-list mutants.

Haven't I fucking played Professor X on this show before?

That's why we're going back to that well, because you did it so good. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So clearly they're not gonna get in, but they have to plead their case and speak to their abilities. We take you to the McMansion. What's it called? Provincial Xavier School for the Gifted. Yes, that's what it is.

Well, we only have one spot left at the school.

Yeah, you're gonna need me. Hey listen, listen. You got bulbs you need found? You looking to replace the bulb in the lamp situation or you planted tulips for the spring? I'm your goddamn guide.

We don't have any gardening, and all of our bulbs are the 40-year, uh, like, no filament, you know, they're permanent bulbs, so... Here in the house, we wouldn't necessarily need to make use, but you also don't have to work while you're here, that's... Okay. So I can come in? Well, now we only have one spot, and... H-hello!

Yes, hello! Hi, do you need me?

Okay, I'm also a knob finder. I've got a straight-up grade A knob.

Alright, you get bonus points for that. That's a sick burn.

Thanks. My power is I can't control my voice. And my voice does all sorts of fun things. That's my power!

This is your... power?

I mean, can I just come inside?

Uh, sorry to interrupt Professor X, but Mama said... Mama said, uh... Oh good, you did remember this.

I need to find my playing cards. Uh, yes. Perhaps you've met one of our biggest star pupils here at the Professor Xavier School for the Gifted. This is Billy- Bobby Boucher, the water boy from the- No, we haven't met yet. Well, I'm sorry, but you two can't get into the school because Bobby Boucher just took the last slot. His mama's very sick of making me the gator.

Well, I'm just gonna go home. We cut to the voice-changing mutant facing off against Magneto. I've enclosed your body in pure metal. I can squeeze you like a vice, destroying every organ inside you. What do you have to say?

Yeah, but before you do that, I'm gonna drive you crazy with my changing voice and you're gonna let me go because my voice changes so much. Stop, please.

What is the answer to this riddle? I think I'm ready.

Okay, so do we have like a final guess? We think it's... I like my answer.

I think it's heat-based.

Okay, we think it's heat-based.

I'm still stuck on the fact of examining the room. There's something in the room!

Okay, okay, you ready? Here it is. The jester turned on the first switch, waited a little while, and then turned it off again. Then he turned on the second switch and asked to be let into the room. If the lightbulb was on, the second switch was the answer. If the lightbulb was hot, the first switch was the answer. If neither, the third switch was the answer.

That's what I said, but I said one, three, two.

Yeah. I think that we all overcomplicated it by doing all three bulbs, but it was what Erin said too, which is like, it's about heat. It's about the heat.

Well, and one of them possibly being on.

Yeah, exactly.

But that essentially you're not clicking all three.

You don't need the third one. Yeah, you just need the first two. And Eric says, all the best. I don't know what that is. It kind of seems shitty to say. All the best. So you think that we're not the best?

Before we move on, I want to see a scene between the three of you. And it's that dinner after the jester has passed the test. It's a little bit awkward. He's with the king and the princess. You can play whatever parts.

Hmm, Jester, I must congratulate you. I put you through a bit of a... tester. That is a very good joke, Malish.

I hope you two are enjoying yourselves. You've picked my husband based on a lightbulb test. Gotta be honest, I was hoping there were some other qualities we were looking for.

Sweetie, sweetie, I picked him through a lightbulb test because you're so bright.

He's a jester. He's a fucking joke.

But in three years he could be a manager. Who knows? He could help manage the castle.

I'm actually not interested in managing the castle. I just want to futz about on my lute and fiddle around on my... Is that a euphemism?

He wants to futz and fiddle. I think you heard him right.

I want to futz and fiddle and dance and jiggle. I just want to jest and occasionally I'll have a warm bed and a hot meal with the lovely future queen.

I want you to promise me something. Promise you'll love my daughter and jest her. You want me to ingest her? No, I was making a joke. About what?

Funny King. Could you two get a room? Maybe the one with the light bulb in it. And then go fuck it.

Now there's an idea. Or if you turn me on for five minutes and then feel for heat.

Excuse me, I'm the angry guard. And I have something I'd like to say to you.

To me?

Not you, you dummy. To the king? Yes, to the king. I want more responsibility. You have me guarding a stupid room that has just a lightbulb in it. I'm good. I'm good at my job.

I've loved you from the day that I met you, God.

I'm just basically like a bag of grain and you can form who would want to marry me. I love you so much, and I never thought you would pass the stupid lightbulb test, but he did.

It looks like they're starting to court.

I'm gonna kill the gang.

Rebellion!

Awesome, thank you Eric for sending that Rizzy into Puddle Town. What are you, fucking Guy Fieri now? Yeah, why not? We didn't send the Riddys into Puddy Town. I'm Guy Fieri on this episode. That's what we call Old Mail Puzzles from now on.

We have to promise our future selves we will do an episode called Puzzies, Riddys, and Dimes.

I'd solve that riddle on the top of a Tuesday boat!

The answer to that riddle? Donkey sauce!

It's off the chain. No, the answer is off the chain. You see, he undid the latch. Guy for putties.

Okay, Guy Riddles. Cool, this one is Hey Theory. This one is from Gus Rachel's, which is two first names, and it is called Aliens and Hats. Gus says that they're a big fan, they have a real stumper that I originally heard from my high school physics teacher way back when. I couldn't figure it out on my own.

Sounds like he came to class unprepared.

A couple people I've ever given it to have been able to crack it. Oh wow, so we're up against a... So close your eyes and focus up. Erin, I think that's directed at you.

Definitely not me because I have to read it. Sorry to interject so quick. Did you all have in high school, because my teachers, everyone's... My teachers! My teachers would come to class unprepared and like we'd watch like Glory or something.

Yeah.

Is that like a common... Oh yeah, Movie Day? Yeah, or anything like that like...

No, I had a really good high school. They put me to work.

In my world history class, there was a copy of the movie Troy, which was like a two and a half hour movie. And every time we got a sub, we're like, we're supposed to watch Troy today. It's at the desk. Is that the Brad Pitt movie? Yeah, it's bad. And they'd be like, you're supposed to watch Troy? It's like a 46 minute class. That's a two and a half hour movie. We're like, yeah, we're just starting it. And we watched the first half hour of Troy like so many times. Did you oversee the end of it? I mean I have seen the end of it, but no we were just like it's not a good movie either But we watched a bunch of Troy.

Did you all yell you got Troy?

Like yeah, like I know he left you a lesson plan, but like he said we're supposed to watch Troy. We had a movie It's a Troy. Okay, so this is from Gus. All right. You and 99 strangers are kidnapped by aliens. Their plan with you is as follows. They're going to bury you up to your necks in sand in a... Burious? Sorry, is it written in Canadian? Alright, I don't know what that's about. Weird interjection. They're going to bury you, plebs, up to your necks in sand in a single file line and place a skin-tight white or black hat on everybody's head. There are not necessarily 50 white and 50 black hats, the ratio of the two is random. The person in the back of the line, person number 100, can see all 99 hats in front of them, but not the hat on their own head. The person in front of them, person 99, can see all the 98 hats in front of them, and so on until you get to person 1, who can't see anything. They say jack shit, but I would never use that language. Starting from the back, person 100, the aliens will ask each person what color they think the hat on their own head is. If they are right, They can go free. If they are wrong, they're shot and killed. The aliens give everyone 10 minutes to strategize before they're buried and the questioning begins. The question is, what strategy can you and the strangers devise to guarantee as many people's safety as possible, and how many people will this strategy save? I know it.

Why are these aliens so angry? Single file line.

This is their pleasure. This is how they reproduce.

Wait, so they have to be buried?

in a single file line in sand in sand so you basically can't see the person number 100 can see everyone's hats in front of them and so on but like person number 50 can't see anything behind also strategy is pick your own hat here's here's some additional notes some additional notes the only words you are allowed to say when it's your turn are welcome to earth That's the only words you're allowed to say is welcome to Earth.

I just punched my mic. I'm sorry.

The only answer you're allowed to when you get amped. The only words you're allowed to say when it's your turn are white or black, nothing more. You cannot change your inflection or volume to communicate additional info. For the purpose of this riddle, the only things that can be communicated during the questioning are the word white and the word black in and of themselves.

Oh, so the last person sacrifices themself. I think so. And then just says the color of hat that's in front of them.

I think each person helps out the person in front of them. The guy in the back just takes one for the team.

No, because then what? You have to say yours.

Hmm? So yeah, so if you say... Oh, because then they know it's the opposite. So if I'm behind you and you have a white hat, I'm going to start off the chain of giving you the correct answer, and then I have a 50-50 chance of living. So if you have a white hat, I would say white, and if mine's black, I get shot and killed. But then you know yours is white? Oh shit, but then you can't say the person in front of you, because you have to say yours. Oh no. Well that theory's shot.

No, no, no, it's fine, because Oh wait, so because you could talk you have 10 minutes to talk to everybody.

Because if you say the person in front of you, the person behind you might have said a different color, so then you go against that.

So what order are they being asked?

The back of the line first, the person that can see the most people. Come to the back of the line. Can they change the volume of what you say? No, no, no, only white and black. That's all you can say. You can only communicate white or black.

Can you say change the volume in what you say?

No, you cannot. You cannot communicate in any other way except the words white or black.

For like a fun rap song thing, can we say it's black and yellow, black and yellow?

Yeah, but it has to be a fun rap song.

Which is already a song.

R.I.P. So if the person in front of me has a white hat on and I say white, and I don't die, but then the person in front of them has a black hat on, they have to say white so that they don't get shot, right? Yeah, you can't just do that. You can't just communicate up the line like that.

Unless every other person does that. If every other person tells, then it's like a 50% survival rate if every other person tells the person in front of them.

But I think also if you just randomly guess, it's a 50% survival rate.

Yeah, but it's 100% for the person that you're telling.

That is true. That is true. It's like half of you, you can save half of them, but every, the odd, the even person would die.

I think you take a guess and you live or die and you roll the dice and we all move forward and let's move on from this riddle.

or if you or if you you said you can't change your inflection yeah okay that was gonna be mine make hats is that you look at the aliens and you're like you can't change your inflection no

If it's me, I would ruin this for everyone because they would come to me and I would start to say, white, I would say, my wife! My wife! Bam! Yeah, so I guess we can save half of the people with that strategy.

That strategy saves half.

Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah, they say, you're basically trying to save as many people as possible. The goal here is not to save yourself, it is to save as many people as possible.

So with the strategy of that, you're at least saving 50% and possibly more if you are also correctly guessing yours. So if you're communicating the person in front of you, every other person does that, then at least 50% maybe more if you're accidentally guessing.

What if you take a look and the majority color is what you say. So if it's like 60 black and 40 white or 39 white, you say black. What if it's 50-50 though? And then as it changes, then you skew your word. Does that make sense? Okay yeah.

I'm

Oh, then you'd call Bulb Changer, Bulb Finder.

What strategy can you and the strangers devise to guarantee as many people safety as possible and how many people with a strategy save? So it sounds like the best we can do is like either half with that method or potentially you could save maybe 60%.

Well, it said it's not 50-50, right?

It's not necessarily 50-50, but it could be. With that method, it could be 50-50.

That's, I feel like that's the best strategy. Yeah. Given the circumstances.

I think that what's happening here is cruel. But are we ready? There's no clues or anything. So we want to just go right straight to the answer. Yeah. This is tough. This is a stumper.

I think the person in the very back, I think there's two options. And I think the person in the very back assesses the situation with his intel or her intel. Is it just. It is her. So you did fuck up. It's a lady in the back. Um, so she assesses the situation with her intel. He assesses the situation. I'm so sorry. They assess the situation. And then by saying black, I think that kicks off one chain of events. And by saying, so I think they have two, you know what I'm saying? Contingency plans. Oh, okay. And black or white. Cause the person in the back is fucked.

Yeah, they're 50-50 for sure.

All day. So I think their choice of words sets off one of the plans based on what they can see in front of them. Okay.

All right, I'm ready.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm sticking with mine. I'm gonna read it to you. I did not read this one ahead of time. The most common strategy people come up with is person 100 to say the color of the hat in front of them, thereby saving person 99 but risking their own life. It then resets at person 98 and so on, so they can guarantee the safety of 50 people. But there is a better strategy, but they didn't list it. No, I'm kidding. They did that.

I was gonna be so mad.

Just like Pro Jam, can't find a better one. Can't find a better one. Okay. Before you are buried, you assign the word black to mean odd and the word white to mean even. This code will only apply to what person 100 says. After you're buried and when it's time for person 100 to kick off the questioning, they will count all the white hats in front of them. If it's an odd number, they say black. If it's an even number, they say white. So, let's say person 100 sees 45 white hats and says black, which is odd. Then it's person 99's turn. If they also count 45 white hats, an odd number, they know their hat must be black. But if they only count 44, an even number, they know their hat has to be white.

This is some beautiful mind shit.

It really is. Every time someone after person 100 declares that their hat has white, everyone in front of them knows whether to check for an odd or even number ahead of them. This strategy, when executed properly, no pun intended, that's dark, will guarantee the safety of 99 people. Do the aliens execute them properly?

I thought it was properly and I was like, I don't understand. I get it.

yeah it's Carrot Top in the back so that's very interesting. Properly.

Who decides if you're at the back of the line?

Adam Sandler says come to the back of the line.

I made that joke earlier and you stared daggers at me.

Yeah I loved it. What does my face betray? What does my face say to you right now? Yeah that's very clever and I hope that your high school physics teacher is rotting in hell.

Oh I don't hope that.

Oh, no, no. Yes, we all agree that I hope that and no one else does.

Physics is not my favorite.

No one shares my hopes. Okay, I want to see a scene where you three are all buried up to your neck. Sorry, you're all buried up to your nooks and cerned and there's aliens. You joke, but the proper pronunciation is cerned. I want to see a CERN where you three are buried up to your nursing turned and The aliens are putting on funny hats on your head and you have to do something for them.

We don't know what Okay.

Well, this day didn't turn out as I planned.

Oh yeah, I mean, that's the understatement of the frickin' century.

Sorry, Dale. Dale, you look... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't see myself.

What do you mean I look... Dale, you... Okay. Um, no, you look great. No, no, no.

Dale, you look... Tish, don't lie to me. Do I look great or do I not? You always do this, Tish.

Dale, you look great. You look great and it's pissing me off how good you look in that gun.

Quiet over there, quiet. Gun? Oh my god, he's got gum. Hey, can I ask you guys a question? Be honest. You're pissing in the sand, right? I've been pissing the entire time I've been in the sand. Okay, I'm just trying to share a thing about myself. Are you pissing?

Yes, I've been pissing in the sand. And I can feel all of your piss on my feet.

Yeah, actually I can't even tell if I'm pissing in the sand because maybe it's just your piss in the sand.

Quiet over here! Whoever pisses in the sand will get gum!

We all did. We all want gum. He brought over a trident.

I don't think these aliens surprised us. I don't think they're necessarily smart. I think they're actually, they don't seem to understand the technology that they possess and they're mystified by gum and trident.

Quiet over here. Orbits is what your planet does around the sun.

And we're concerned of their hat fetish. Yeah.

Again, you look great.

Totally normal. I don't know why you don't wear more hats. Like in general, why don't you wear more hats?

I didn't grow a mullet to hide it under a hat.

Mullets don't hide under hats. They peek through.

Well, the back peeks through, but I want people to know specifically that I'm business in the front.

I understand. You could wear a visor. Least interesting part of the mullet.

But it's the most critical part of it being a mullet. I said quiet! You get a bullet in the mullet! Oh, he just gave you a piece of spearmint. Orbits. Yes, from my gum. That's a gun. Hmm? Okay, on the count of three, let's all start peeing at the same time.

And speaking of fists, let's take a quick pee break. We'll be right back with more putties and riddies. Bulbs. And bulbs. JPC, did you hear about Erin?

Oh, you know what? I feel like I got a text and I like skimmed it.

Yeah.

Well, you can read it right now. It's kind of a mix-up. Hey guys, Erin here. I went to get my hair dyed. Oh, interesting. She spelled it D-I-E-D. And they killed my hair, and so now I'm at my hair's funeral. We'll be here all day. Yikes. Seems like a lie, right? That's gotta be a lie.

You know, your schedule fills up pretty fast with hair funerals, etc. That's true. It kind of gets to be nonstop. That's where Tempo keeps you on track with real meals. You can heat up in two minutes, so you don't have to default to snacks or takeout or, you know, go into a fine dining reception for your hair's funeral.

I think the folks at Tempo couldn't be any more pleased with the segue that we delivered for this ad. Much like how Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals right to your door, it's making it easy to eat well and save time on my busiest days, like days where I have got back-to-back hair funerals to go to, you know?

Back hair funerals?

Back-to-back hair funerals. That's when two back hairs get tangled up together and you have to go to one funeral and it's obviously closed. Sure.

Well, something not about back hair, into me talking about some of my favorite delicious tempo meals, like the Picante Mexican Chicken and Rice with Corn and Guacamole, yum yum yum, also their Hawaiian Pineapple BBQ Meatballs with Coconut Rice, and another one of my favorites, and even fun to say, Asiago Alfredo Chicken with Butternut Squash and Broccoli Orzo.

Have you talked to fiber rich in a while? I do, yeah, and it's not been going well for hippies if I report now.

Oh, that's a bummer. For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. That's Tempomeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

And if you see Erin out in the wild, wish her condolences on the death of her hair.

Whoa, who's that new hunk? He's dressed so well. Whoa, look at him.

He is dressed so well.

You guys, you're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I thought that was like Vince Quince or something. Yeah, that's us. We look amazing. I thought that was like Quince Diesel or something.

We look like that?

Yes, it's because you are wearing your new Quince high-quality wardrobe staples. Look at you, Adalyn, your 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater. And JPC, you look incredible in this button-down, if I do say so myself.

Wow, our styles are truly timeless, versatile, and designed to become dependable pieces that we will reach for day after day.

Also, everything at Quince is priced 50-80% less than similar brands, and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. And Erin, you're doing the splits!

Look at me go. And it's not just clothing. Quince brings the same approach to everything they make, from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essentials and thoughtfully designed furniture. They make well-designed pieces for everyday living. I'm about to move and my Quince cart is filled with stuff that's going to make my home stylish without breaking the bank.

Did someone say Vince Quince?

Whoa! Yeah, like five minutes ago.

Yeah, like a long time ago.

Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash riddle. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash riddle. Vince Quince out! Bye Vince Quince! Did somebody say Quince Diesel? No. Come on, man.

You guys, I'm rebranding. You know how my whole thing is how tired I am all the time? Yes. And that I am constantly trying to find solutions and most of them have me like crash after a couple hours.

Sure. Yeah.

That's all over now. I have ultra pouches. Does a cartwheel, puts my hands up. Whoa, whoa.

She said does a cartwheel. Erin, I am so happy for you. I mean, I am kind of sad that this means that we won't get any more, like, classic energy-less Erin antics, which were some of my favorite of your antics. But it's cool that you found something that works for you.

Yes, they're instant focus in a pouch.

I also heard that ultra pouches are ideal for athletes, runners, and health-conscious people because they are 100% nicotine-free?

Yes! Just pop one pouch in 5 minutes before your run, workout, or work day, and you'll feel it sharpen your mind and lift your energy by the time you start.

And it's trusted by top athletes, entrepreneurs, and engineers around the world.

Does another cartwheel, Lynx.

Wow, she said she did another cartwheel. And I'm also hearing that 90% of users saw significant improvements in their overall focus levels, calm, steady flow state focus, enhanced memory, smooth energy, mood balance, all with zero nicotine and zero caffeine. Wow, zero caffeine too?

Yeah, and guess what? It doesn't taste bad. There's all sorts of flavors. Cool Mint, Wintergreen, Tropical Watermelon, and Blue Raz. Third cartwheel into a backflip. Winks again.

Okay, Erin, you said that you did all those things. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code RIDDLE to save 15% off at TakeUltra.com. That's TakeUltra.com for 15% off with code RIDDLE. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them, Hey Riddle Riddle sent ya!

You don't know what you've got until it's gone. You guys.

Yeah?

I legitimately had terrible sleep last night. I'm staying in an Airbnb while the AC gets fixed in my place. And guess what? I miss my bed. I miss my Helix mattress. I have a Midnight Luxe. And guess what? I couldn't bring it to the Airbnb with me. I wish I had appreciated it more. I wish I had told it. I wish I had told my mattress.

Did someone say miss my mattress? It's me, the Helix Sleep mascot, Sympathy Steve!

Oh, hey, Sympathy Steve. Did you win Miss My Mattress, the competition?

Isn't he mattress? I did! Sympathy Steve! And while I can't, and while I can't give you a Helix mattress because, you know, that'd be insane if I was just a guy who gave out Helix mattresses, I can say, it sucks what you're going through.

Yeah, it does suck. Helix is the best. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. You get a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. So what's the risk? And they also have the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges.

Whoa, Sympathy Steve, you have a tattoo on your leg. It says, Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. And I won't tell you what that's covering up.

It was worse. But what I will tell you to do is go to HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for the Labor Day Best of Web Sale that's running now until September 13th It's 27% off site-wide and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's HelixSleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day Best of web sale. HelixSleep.com slash riddle. I can't empathize with you, but I can sympathize with you. Did someone say empathy? It's me, Empathy Ed. Hey man.

They're brothers.

No, we're not. Hey Steve. We're simply not.

Hi, I'm Nicole Beyer, host of Why Won't You Date Me here on HeadGum. On my show, I talk a lot about love and dating, but one important thing that doesn't get talked about enough is our sexual health. That's why I'm so excited to partner with Care for the Culture, sponsored by Gilead Sciences. Care for the Culture is an amazing movement focused on helping normalize conversations around HIV prevention in Black communities. And we're doing this without shame, fear, or judgment, because knowing your HIV prevention options, getting tested, and having honest conversations with your partners shouldn't feel awkward. It should feel empowering. Care for the Culture is all about keeping it real, Taking care of yourself and your people and making sexual health a normal part of everyday conversation. Whether you're actively dating in these streets, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, having information and support matters. You can go on their site and find tips on breaking the ice and getting the conversation started. We are building a whole new generation of daters with no shame and no stigma. So go get informed. Learn more about HIV prevention, testing, and how to start the conversation at carefortheculture.com and speak with your healthcare provider.

And we're back with old mail puzzles.

Mail M-A-I-L for it's a mailbag episode. Ooh and what's up next in the mailbag? Here's a little riddle and the subject line is riddle exclamation point from Ty.

Can you convey that without having to say that? I'm sorry? Can you convey the exclamation point without having to say it? I just apologize.

This is from Ty A-y-e-l-l-o-r-i-b-b-o-n-z-u-n-i-g-a. Ty's riddle is this.

If a guy has a bee in his hand, what's in his eye?

Is this Guy Fieri? It's Guy Fieri. In his eye is... DONKEY SAUCE! And I've read the riddle because it's on the same line.

He's got a bee in his hand. What's in his eye? What's in his eye?

I get it. I was at a wedding over the summer.

I didn't know the bride or groom.

Was it Celia and Heidi Klum? Yep. Were you there with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn?

Yeah, I was crashing that wedding, but I didn't know anyone really because it was my boyfriend's like old roommate.

Wedding?

Wedding. I was going to break it up. But I just wasn't trying to call any attention to myself. And I trapped a bee between, like I like clasped my hands together to like look proper during the ceremony. In the middle of their ceremony, trapped a bee in my hand and it stung me so hard and I made a noise. Like, very loudly. And I called attention to myself. So I guess I did get attention that day.

To be fair, you were stung by a bee.

Yeah, it hurt so bad.

But Erin, at that time, what was in your eye?

Tears. Because her boyfriend was getting married.

Honestly though, this would have been a dope line to say when you got stung by that bee. at this wedding.

After the previous two riddles being as Ivy League as they were and hard, this is a softball.

This is a softball.

It's beauty.

Yeah, that's correct.

Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

And I just mentioned Erin getting stung. Well, I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee holder. And everyone at the wedding would be like, Marry your boyfriend! And then the bee flies in her mouth and she throws up.

I did have a bee caught under my bangs. Not that long, like a couple weeks ago. Bee bangs! Bee bangs! Somebody had to tell me, oh baby when she moves, she moves. She go crazy. I was like, there's a bee under my, and I didn't know what to do about it. And eventually I just went, ah! And just slapped it out of my bangs. So it didn't sting you? No, it just hung out under there. It's kind of cold outside.

Can we make an album cover for Ricky Martin's B-Bangs? Yeah, with Brooke on it, yeah.

And then put it on a mug and sell it at our store. Sure, why not? Okay, this next riddle is from Kari Karrison. Okay. Are you saying Johnny Carson? She's got like accents. Oh, okay. Or they have accents over the A's. So I think it's Kari Carson. I like it. Two plus two, Kari the one. Kari the one. Her name is Saund. Saund the grains of our grace. That's what I said. Great. Kevin is a lazy scamp, as he himself knows all too well. He can't get a job because he's always half an hour late to his job interviews. In an effort to change his tardy ways, he goes to his mother Susie for advice, knowing that she is a very resourceful person. This is the advice his mother gives to him. Kevin, my slow-witted man-child, here's what you do. Every time you have to be somewhere at a certain time, act as you would act if you had to be there a half Half an hour earlier than that time. The next day Kevin has a job interview at 2 p.m. He follows his mother's advice and yet he doesn't arrive for his interview. What happened?

It's daylight savings time.

It's daylight savings time? I have no idea. I don't know the answer to this. So the advice is literally every time you have to be somewhere at a certain time, act as you would act if you had to be there half an hour earlier. He went to an acting class.

He's just acting like he had to be there a half hour.

Act as you would act.

The job interview, it has to do with the job he went to go interview for.

You think so? There's some clues on this one. I know it. Oh, Adal knows it. Ben Affleck shows up in Matt Damon's stead and pretends to be him.

Affleck! And says, I'm Kevin. Yep.

Um, there are some clues, I can give you some clues.

Well, I also, I'll throw out there too, so he's gonna act as if he would need to be there a half hour earlier, which means that he would show up exactly on time.

Act as you would act if you had to be there a half hour earlier.

I'm Kevin, I gotta be there at 1.30. I'm always a half hour late, so I think I'll be there too. Kevin, you're really acting up.

He's always a half hour late to his job interviews. He's always, that's true, so he's always a half hour late, and this job is at 2 and he doesn't show up. So he acted like he should be there at 1.30, was a half hour late, eh. No.

Yeah.

I don't know. Different time zone? Could be a different time zone, it could be daylight savings time, it could be like, you know, fallback or something like that. Wolves.

He kept taking the advice and he was there like 10 hours early.

I think, yeah. I'm with Brooke, it could be wolves. Could be wolves. I think if every time he has to be there and he acts like it's 30 minutes earlier, then that's like a self-cycle and he keeps acting like it's 30 minutes over, over, and over again, and then he's just there like 10 hours early.

Can we see a quick scene?

Yeah.

I want Erin to be Little Red Riding Hood. I want Brooke to be the Big Bad Wolf, in disguise, of course. So Erin, you're making your way through the forest trying to get to a job interview, and the Big Bad Wolf in disguise holds you up.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Cool, real quick, I want Brooke to play the Little Red Riding Hood. Erin, I want you to be the wolf.

Oh, no!

This is a real shame, because I was about to bust out Bill Cosby. Oh, yeah! Are we switching roles? Are we switching? Yes. You really want us to? Yeah, absolutely. Damn. I take your acting challenge as my acting challenge. I take your acting challenge as my acting challenge.

They're floating.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la. I'm Little Red Riding Hood. I'd argue that that's where Saddle's at. Anyways. Oh, and I'm a wolf. Oh yeah, nobody asked you, man. Oh, I mean, I'm a person. What? Oh no. Cause you look like a person, but you just said you're a wolf. I think that I'm a... I think that I'm a... What are you doing in these woods? Oh, um, going to a job interview!

We cut to the wolf hanging out with her wolf friends, and all of the wolf friends have eaten children that day, but you have yet to eat a child because you keep blowing it.

Uh, so what's up everybody?

I mean, I mean it honestly, like it sounds like you're shooting yourself in the foot as soon as it begins.

You have to say, I'm a wolf? You gotta hide that shit.

Yeah, I mean the whole, like say I'm a person. Actually don't say that, that sounds wolfy as shit. I don't say anything at all, I just go up to him and just start eating him. Cookie Monster.

Cookie Monster, that's ruthless.

Hey, hey, now we all invited Cookie Monster here, because Cookie Monster's a player. Me love, me love biscotti, me love... Kid. Kid. Cookie Monster eats more kids than any of us, okay? That's my secret. That's why Cookie Monster's here. That's my guilty pleasure.

Alright, well, I know that we're just talking about eating kids, but also, like, how do you talk to someone you're interested in? Like, what's your strategy there?

Um, ask them about them. People love to talk about themselves.

I'd rather hear from Cookie.

That's my brother Dookie. My name's Dookie Monster.

I eat that ass. And I guess I am the only wolf here. I'm a wolf too. I'm a wolf! Are you? Cause wolves eat kids, and you ain't eating shit. Dookie Monster eats wolves.

I'm sorry?

I'm from Canada.

We pronounce it Dookie Monster.

Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa Dwa

I'm Little Red Riding Hood.

Cool, I want to start real quick. I want to give JPC Little Red Riding Hood. Brooke, you're going to say the roll.

Okay, ready?

La la la la la. I'm Dookie Monster.

Oh, why'd you come on in here, Dookie Monster? Whatcha doing?

I'm just on my way to a job interview at a poop factory.

Oh, that's super interesting. Again, Adal, this is your fault.

Okay, I want to see Erin as Little Red Riding Hood and Brooke as the Big Bad Wolf in disguise, of course. And this will be the only time we do this, of course, because this is our current dimension and timeline.

La la la la la la la. I'm a wolf!

And scene. Okay, so we are going to move on to more listeners submitted... Why? Riddles and puzzies, no. Here's some clues. Here's some clues for this one, okay? Oh yeah, we didn't solve this. Yeah, we didn't solve this at all. Wait, what's the riddle? Light bulbs? Kevin does indeed follow the advice perfectly, but perhaps a little too literally. This is Kevin James? Yes. Paul Blart, Mark Hall. Clue number two. We really choked on that one. Call Blart, call Blart. Paul Blart, Blart Blart. The name of the original title of that movie was just Plop Plop Plop Plop. Plop Plop Fizz Fizz. It was fat shit ball fuck. Alright, let's see.

Clue 2. If you're not listening to Till Death Do Us Blart, check out that podcast.

Is there a real podcast called that? Yes. Wow. Kevin doesn't arrive too late or early for his interview. In fact, he never arrives at all. Clue 3. Technically, the only time you could decide to arrive at by following this advice would be the very beginning of time.

So

Yeah, the beginning of time is kind of the... Kevin's mother told him that whenever he was to arrive, he should act as he would act if he had to arrive half an hour earlier. So since he has to arrive at 2 p.m., he will act as if he would act if he had to arrive at 1.30 p.m. And how would he act if he had to arrive at 1.30 p.m.? Well, he would in that scenario follow his mother's advice and act as if he would have to arrive at 1 and blah blah blah. Kevin is stuck in an infinite loop. His mother's advice makes him constantly act as he would act half an hour earlier. Kevin has no way to decide on an arrival time, going endlessly backwards. Unless you maybe count the beginning of time as a stopping point, so his mother wasn't so resourceful after all. Chunts up with that. Oh, she snuck it in. Did you say that or did they say that? She said that. And she, oh, and she also says, hope you like the riddle and have fun from a big fan from Iceland.

What?

So that's why those accents were in her name, probably. Kari Snarkarson. And she also says good luck pronouncing that.

So I fucked it up. I do like to, if you will all indulge me, I do like whenever there's a fan of Magic Tavern, I do like to give a little taste of Chunt. So let me just slip into that. Um, this is Chunt here.

We don't want to hear Dookie Monster again. Dookie.

Dookie rhymes with cookie.

Dookie rhymes with cookie. Rekki Monster. Rekki Monster. Dookie Monster. Cookie Monster.

Bookie Monster.

Oh, Bookie Monster. Thank you.

I guess this is a Barry Burry situation of cookie or kooky. Kooky.

Kooky, kooky. This one is titled, A Riddle from Ecuador.

Is this person sending it from Ecuador or is the Riddle from Ecuador? That's gonna affect how I approach this. Her name is Maria Jose Peron-Reed. What a fucking international show this episode has become.

Wow it's almost as if JPC picked these.

They're awesome.

Because of international flair, it's like my whole brand.

It's almost as if I have international appeal. Hi everyone, I'm Erin Keif.

What are you, a banana? Oh my god.

Oh, I want to take off my skin.

Like a banana! That's what a banana would do, Erin!

And I'm Guy Fieri. Welcome to International Flavor Town.

Erin just took her headphones off and steam came out of her ears.

And now she's laying down in a bowl with three scoops of ice cream.

I can't do this.

Cherries Jubilee. Okay, so there are two riddles here. The first riddle is one that we have already done. So we did an Ecuador riddle, huh? It was the one about the man who goes up his building and presses the lower button on the floor because he has to... Raining. Raining, yeah. So retroactively we're international. Yes, we're retroactively international. And the second riddle is, there's two riddles here. Also red? Yeah, it's the one about the guy who has the hiccups and the bartender scares him. Ecuador fucked us. Also, this riddle was sent months ago. So we probably, but when they actually sent it, we hadn't done these riddles. Thank you, Maria. We apologize that we're too good at our jobs.

One is in Ecuador, not in Ecuador. Oh boy. One is in Ecuador. Welp, I'll see y'all in half an hour. You just belittled an entire country.

When an Ecuador closes, another Ecuador opens.

God opens an equine by cutting open a horse. God opens a horse. Okay, so moving right along. This is from Ella Riley. And so the subject lines on these are always so funny. The subject line is, Hi, how are you all today? I've got a few of my own original riddles for you guys. It'd make my dad if you could try one on the show. Originals? It's either it'd make my day or she left out like happy. It'd make my dad happy if she could try one on the show. Does it give her dad's name? Yeah, it's Kevin. Cool, so you guys ready for some of Ella's original riddles?

Let's do this, Ella.

My head's in the heavens, yet I'm grounded as can be. What am I? Stuck in purgatory. What's that? A mountain? Stuck in purgatory? Stuck in Purgatory, Brooke.

Good blowjob.

Brooke! Brooke! Brooke! Bob! Bob!

Bob! You always have to ground your blowjobs. Grab a piece of hard metal on the ground so you don't get shocked. And show up 30 minutes early.

Always be with a gentleman under 6 inches so you're not shocked.

A tree.

My head is in the heavens, yet I'm grounded as can be. What am I? Tree is a good guess. Mountain is a good guess. I think those both work. Ella was going for something a little more specific.

Oh, okay.

More like a city location. That gives it away. Oh, Cloud City. Cloud City. Adal was right. It's Cloud City.

For a while growing up, I thought that you could... No, it's Skyscraper. If you like lived or worked in a really tall building, you could like take your cup of coffee or hot chocolate and put it out the window and scoop up some cloud. And it was just like, it tasted like a... Do you know why?

Do you know what gave you that thought? Somebody told me. We got to see this scene. That can't be true because you didn't know me as a child.

How old were you, Erin?

Oh, probably till I was like nine.

So this is nine-year-old Erin, and I want you to be at school with with Brooke and JPC, and they're feeding you a load of hooey.

Hey, I did your homework last night. Hi!

Don't do that anymore. We want to do it. It's not a challenge if you do it.

Thanks for nothing, Erin.

Stop doing that.

I just love doing it so.

So what are we up to today? Are there like any playdates, or first call, or what's going on? I think there's some things that you might be misinformed about that we could tell you. Tell me.

Yeah, we want to kind of clear some because you keep doing our homework, which is not something that we want. Yeah. So, um, you know how trees have roots? Sure. And they are they go under the ground. Humans have roots too. What? But you have to find them because they've been taken from you. Your parents usually hide your roots somewhere in your yard.

My mom and my dad hid my roots.

Yeah, so you'll have to go home and dig up and try to find your roots.

But how am I alive without my roots? Don't ask dumb questions. Don't ask dumb questions.

Follow up questions. Oh, you know what? That's, you know what? Your roots are probably in a cemetery. Probably. So what you have to do is go to a cemetery and dig around until you find your roots.

Wait, have you found your roots?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Long time ago.

Then why aren't you, why can't you move around?

We're keeping them safe. We're keeping them safe. We cut to a therapist's office. So that's when it all started, Erin?

Yes, I dug up a lot of bodies. I dug up a lot of bodies. I dug up a lot of bodies.

You said that three times. Do you know what happens when you say I've dug up a lot of bodies three times in this particular office?

I get a session for free?

That's right. A free session appears. So do you want to cash that in now or do you want to do the coupon?

I'll keep one. RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE

Sorry, there's a body of water that runs through my office. Do you want to take care of this creek? What do you what? This babbling Brooke should be cleared this out of here. Brooke, I need you to wait your turn.

After every session you yell,

I may be a protector, but I'm designed to strike fear. What am I? I may be a protector? I may be a protector, but I'm- A scarecrow! A scarecrow! Erin got it!

Probably because she's from frickin' Boston.

I gotta see another scene, I'm so sorry.

Erin, you're gonna be a 1930s Hollywood scarecrow, talking just like you did. And the rest of us will play casting directors. Next in, please.

Hello! Oh, Hollywood, what a beautiful place. You knew it was your first day here? Yeah, it's my first day in Hollywood. I think they might be apart from me. I heard you're casting the Wizard of Oz.

Well, we are, but you're leaking straw all over the goddamn floor.

Yeah, did you just eat? Because you're stuffed. Can we get you a highball? Maybe a pack of cigarettes? Maybe a little highball? Maybe a pack of cigarettes?

I feel like you're shaming my body. No. You're making fun of the way I look.

Well now, that's a compliment of this era. We're all allowed to do that.

Yeah, we answer to Howard Hughes and he shames your body behind closed doors.

I think I could be any part in Wizard of Oz. You just gotta give me a chance.

Okay, read these lines. We're gonna give them to you right now. Here you go. And you were there? And you were there, too. Okay, you're disgusting to look at.

You're absolutely gross. Can you read for the dog? Read the lines right there for the dog.

Woof woof! Woof woof!

Hoof woof. Well, the lines were woof woof, so you fucked it.

Well, how about I'll read for the witch, then? Alright.

Which witch?

Which witch? The Wicked Witch of the West, of course.

Okay, and here's the lines.

And your little dog, too! Shouldn't have aimed so high.

I hate what you did. Why don't you try reading a dead? Why don't you try reading the lines like you're dead? You're like a drunk at a urinal. You aimed too high.

What part would you like me to read for? For the shoes. For the shoes that curl up. The curled up shoes.

Just Dead Witch. There you go. Here's the lines. Too much!

Too big! Pump the brakes. Give me another part to read for.

I swear I'll get it.

I want you to read for the tornado. You are happy, read for the tornado.

Now hold on, stop everything. That is the worst shit I've ever seen. I hate it. You're fired.

You didn't even hire me. One more part. Wait, you're hired. Okay, I'm hired as what? The lion? The tin man?

No, no, no. We've written in one character who only has one scene. It's the wicked Mitch of the East. Now this is someone- You're born to play it. You're gonna play a shithead brother-in-law who don't know nothing.

Yeah, the wicked Mitch of the East gets killed by the monkeys. They eat his flesh.

Alright, how about this? I'm Mitch. I'm so tall. I am so kind and lovely.

Wow-wow-wee-wow.

Wow-wee-wee-wee-wow-wow.

My wife!

Can I please read for Dorothy again?

One more time.

Now first you started out as a Peanuts teacher. Actually, will you read for the Peanuts teacher?

Bye Guv, she's hired! Guv?

Let's see. I'm as strong as metal, yet free as a bird. Aluminum. It's aluminum.

Aluminum bird.

It's aluminum bird. Oh, Leonard Skynard. I'm strong as metal, yet free as a bird.

Nelly Furtado. I'm like a bird I ran into a window. What is made out of metal but is also like a bird?

Hey Brooke, you got it over them screaming Nelly Furtado at each other. We had a great bit.

I think I literally said metal bird metal bird airplane.

We had a great bit which is the song lyrics for the popular song I'm Like a Bird turned out to be I'm like a bird I ran into a window. We'll let history decide if that was a great bit.

We were here for all of that.

But thank you for explaining it to me. Ancient knowledge few can know, in the night is where I roam. Vermin I snatch in my holy flight, none will beat me with my sight. Hawk. Owl. Brooke really knows her birds, and you said hawk and eagle.

To be fair, I said hawk and stamped down my foot when I was incorrect, right onto Brooke's foot.

and that's what and she said ow ow black and she said sorry if they're too easy nothing's ever easy enough for us we're very stupid and that she loves the podcast and she called us stupid I called us stupid she loves the podcast and she's looking forward to more episodes that is Ella

And as always, did she mention who her favorite was?

She said Owl. Owl. Owl. Cool. There is one more thing that I want to do for the show this week and that is, it's not a riddle, but this is something that I, so we, I will say that we get a lot of emails. I've recently gone through and like scanned through a lot of them and sometimes people have sent us like things, sent us, Is this the first HR segment we're actually having? Yes, this is for HR podcasts. No, this is a correction slash a bit of additional context that I thought that everyone would enjoy, except Brooke. Brooke will hate this.

No, I love a good well actually email.

This is a very nice well actually email. It's not like, either way, the title of this email is Master Sheep Are Real, in parentheses, not clickbait. So the you putting not clickbait on it didn't actually work because we didn't click on What's a mansplainer's favorite Christmas movie? This isn't a riddle, but I just want you to know that Master Sheep are in fact real. I'm from Iceland and within our breed of sheep we have a specific subset of... I thought they said they're from Scotland? Iceland. We're from a specific subset of sheep called Þórstofgi. or Leadership Sheep or Master Sheep. They tend to be weathers and they have a few very specific traits. They lead other sheep. They're tall and lean. They're very intelligent and excellent sense of weather and navigation. Erin, like you. They've historically been an incredibly important part of Icelandic sheep herding because there are many examples of Þórstúfi saving their flocks from bad weather by navigating their way back to safety. Þórstúfi, I'm pronouncing that wrong, refusing to leave the sheep shed when a storm was coming, even situations when they saved the lives of humans as well as their flock. Because of their leanness, they've never been considered good to eat, but they've been considered very valuable and important to have at least one of them so you can have someone to lead your flock and save it from danger. There's less of a use for them now with technological advances. Damn you, Obama. But they've been an important part of Icelandic farming for centuries, and they aren't any other countries known to have sheep who know similar traits. Sorry this is long and it's not a riddle. I just thought it was an interesting fact. I love that we mentioned master sheep casually and someone was like, those are real. Master sheep are real.

I want our listeners this week to either make the cover or the first page of a graphic novel about a master sheep being a leader and saving the day.

Should be Halo-based.

Master Sheeping. Well my favorite part about Master Sheep is Gordon Ramsey.

Oh Brooke! Oh Brooke! Thank you for having me! Adal, open your wallet and give Brooke $100 for that joke. Fine. Why are you opening my wallet? Why is your wallet in his pocket? Yikes! Where are my hands? Brooke, thank you so much for joining us on the episode today. Do you have anything that you would like to plug?

Hi, just come see World News Tonight at Iowa Theatre on Saturday nights at 8 o'clock and 1030. And then other than that, buy the new Jackbox Party Pack 5. I also am a writer for Jackbox Games. So please buy that Party Pack because I wrote a lot of that content and it's real fun.

What's your favorite of those Jackbox Games?

Oh, all of them. I genuinely can't because they all bring a little something different to the table that's really fun.

I just played Drawful for the first time. What's

What's something that you would have for dinner and feel bad afterwards? And someone's like, too many sweets. What are we doing?

Like people try and genuinely answer it like it's some sort of like... I played Quiplash a couple weekends ago with my girlfriend and my friend and his wife. And literally... Was it at her wedding? It was at her wedding. Literally every other answer that everyone submitted had something to do with JPC's clown ass. And those always won and then when I started playing along and putting in JPC's clown ass, mine never got voted.

For my plug, I want to put it out there. For your girlfriend Mariah, open invite to come on the show and burn your clown ass. There's a tweet about this where she said she's gonna burn in clown ass open invite.

She would absolutely burn my clown ass.

I've also never seen you and her in a room together, and I know you have a wig that looks a lot like her hair. So I just wanted to double check.

Well I told you we can't be in the same room together until we're Christian married.

Right.

And every time I see Mariah, she's always dabbing on the graves of my haters. Wait guys, here's Mariah. I think I see her right now.

Well hello!

Please go to TeePublic, search Hey Riddle Riddle, please check out some of our merch. We have some new merch going on, so please check that out, buy it for the holidays. And you can also follow me at AdalRifai, you can follow the podcast on Twitter at HeyRiddleRiddle, on Instagram, on Facebook, and of course email us and you might be featured in the next mailbag. You can email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.com and like I said you could also if you have fun Master Sheep facts email those in as well we've got people listening from all over the world and if we say some stupid bullshit that you have more information on we I personally love to hear stuff pie in the sky dreams like I don't know if this will happen next year I don't know if this will happen in 10 years I don't know if this will ever happen if JPC, Erin, and myself could get sweaters knitted from the wool of Master Sheep I will do anything to own that and have that story as I traverse the world.

I will also do anything for that except pay for it. In any way.

Oh god, did I make it sound like I was gonna pay for it? I just gave my last hundred dollars to Brooke.

Ching ching! Also, when you said pie in the sky, it made me think of nine-year-old Erin scooping up clouds for her pie.

Can I have more clouds in my hot cocoa? Oh, Erin!

Get a job! What makes me think of nine-year-old Erin is my Twitter presence, so if you're interested in the ramblings of a child, follow me at JPsofly. If you want to see pictures of my dog Spaghetti, you can follow me on Instagram at sharkbarkman. I will only ever post Spaghetti pictures until I die. Erin, what are you plugging?

Follow my Instagram Erin Keif 10.

I thought it was Smooth Operator.

Smooth Operator! That's not my last name. It's my cousin's last name.

I only use my cousin's last name.

And I'll post about shows and such there.

Well they're there.

They're there.

Erin, several planets have an atmosphere. Some have clouds, or what you would call cool whip. What's the biggest planet with clouds made of cool whip?

Jupiter!

Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emily Navoris. Hey Riddle Riddle.

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.

That was a Hate Gum podcast.