Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Welcome everyone, it's Hey Gobble Gobble, our Thanksgiving episode.

Squibble, squibble, squawk, squibble, squibble, squibble, squawk.

Hey Gobble Gobble. Erin, would you pass the mashed potatoes?

Uh, sure. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

Erin, would you pass the mashed potatoes?

Oh, sure. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

Erin, goddammit. If you gobble one more bite of those mashed potatoes... Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

First the baked beans, and now the mashed potatoes.

Larry, this is your daughter.

And I want you to marry her. So please, hit it off while I go into the kitchen and watch through the peephole.

Oh, if this is your first episode, this is your last episode. You're listening to Hey Gobble Gobble. I'm JPC.

I'm Adal Rifai.

And I'm Erin Keif. I don't have any Thanksgiving characters. I should have brought in some Thanksgiving characters.

Oh, yeah. JPCorn on the... JPCorn. JTurkey. JTurkey. JTK. JTurkey. I'm Adal Rifraid Beans. Yeah, it's the classic classic Mexican addition to Thanksgiving.

Erin cranberry sauce. Oh Does it work? No, there's gotta be Keif.

I mean stuffing.

Keifer is a thing.

Stuff Keif-ing. Stuff Keif-ing.

That rolls off the tongue.

Keif, Keif, Keif. Keifer.

Keifer Southerland. I don't know.

Fur, fur. Keifer. So many people are gonna send in like, you idiots, this is right here. Oh, there you go. Instead of Tofurkey. Turkey fur.

No, Erin, turkey fur.

If you're just tuning in, we are wildly drunk.

Oh God, we are wild drunks and we're all on the mic.

So this is our Thanksgiving episode. Let's start first and foremost with what we're thankful for. Erin, do you want to start?

I am thankful for this table and these chairs, and pencils and pens that I see, and the tea that I'm drinking.

What's crazy to anyone listening, we're not sitting at a table, there's no pencils, there's no chairs here, there's certainly no tea. What is this?

And that's what I'm thankful for. JPC?

So lately I am really, really thankful for the people in my life that I interact with on a daily basis. My close friends, my girlfriend, my family. I have grown a deeper appreciation for that. But I'm also a month into being a dog dad and I'm super thankful for spaghetti. I love my little pup.

Who is currently curled up next to our table asleep. Well, we're not at a table.

No, we're not at a table. We're not sitting next to the lawn.

What are you doing, Adal? What are you doing? You mentioned your girlfriend and your family. What about your girlfriend's family?

My girlfriend's family, they're cool.

Have you met them? What's that? You've met them? I've met them, yeah. They're from Miami?

They're from Miami. Yeah, I'll say it. I love my girlfriend's family.

Do they party in the city where the heat is on? All night on the beach till the break of dawn.

Did you impress them right away? What did you do to win them over? Did you turn on the funny?

The guy who knows all of the words to Will Smith's Miami? Yeah, I think I impressed them right away. I did my joke handshake where I say, like, oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. And I put up my hand and they say, too slow! And then I slick back my hair.

Ooh, they know you're cool. No, really, did you make a good first impression?

I historically love meeting people's, like, parents. Like, in high school, I would always love, like, meeting my friends' parents. But yeah, I feel like I made a pretty good impression. Even when I was younger, I loved meeting people's parents because when you're a child, you really don't have much chance to interact with adults outside of your teachers.

Spaghetti has something to say about that.

Spaghetti's like, I disagree! No, you don't have much chance to interact with people outside of teachers or whatever and family, so interacting with other people's parents and seeing what their family dynamic was was always so interesting to me. Plus, it's like schmoozing for children, which is the title of my self-help series. Chicken schmooze for the child soul. Chicken schmooze for the children's troll. No, but I just always loved Like talking to another, talking to like a grown-up like, like you were like a peer of theirs because you're not their child. So to me, that's, that's always like such a, that was always such a fun experience.

Trying to get into a grown-up party and walk around like you're not in your pajamas. And you belong there. Oh, yeah.

Tossing back some old fashions.

I feel like this is... The Japanese market's just closed, so... Anyone need another drink? Anyone else?

Red wine?

Yeah.

Great, Peter.

Todd, you're here? Okay. There must be a horse lonely tonight. Todd fucks horses, everyone!

Ting ting ting ting ting! This is, I just started watching two nights ago, I just started watching The Nanny for the first time.

The Nanny Cam in Europe.

And boy oh boy, does she get up to some shenanigans. I started watching the sitcom The Nanny, because growing up I never wanted to watch it, because I always assumed it was just like, meh, like that Jim Brewer goat boy sound the whole time, which is her laugh. So I assumed I didn't want to watch it, and I started watching it, and it's phenomenal.

What is it on?

uh... it just like... will you download it? Is this a play scene? Why are we recording in the back of an FBI truck? But the kids in the show are so clearly written by like forty two-year-old men where like there's a ten-year-old son and he wins class president and immediately he's like tear down those walls and he's like I'm not a crook and he goes into like he's like tip a canoe and he makes all these references and you're like This 10-year-old boy would be like farting and like playing Gameboy.

Yeah.

But these writers made him the most like pop culture savvy man alive. And then the daughter, the youngest daughter, is like this sort of like psychoanalytical therapy-driven child where it's like, goodnight little girl, whatever her name is. The parents are like, goodnight. And she's like, sometimes I wonder if there is a God. And she's like, four.

Yeah, I mean, children written by adults is one of the best parts about old TV. I feel like it doesn't happen much anymore. I feel like they, maybe writers rooms have just gotten younger, you know, over the course of... Lots of kids in writers rooms now.

Kids writing for kids.

Now it's all little boys.

Little boys and girls making it real. Also, here's my impression if you've never seen The Nanny. Here's my impression of every episode. Here's every episode summed up. Here's Frank Jettrick goes, where is everyone? And then the butler goes, they're at a soiree. And then she'll be like, oh, that sounds nice. How soiree-y is it?

Oh, God. Is that a real line from the show?

That's not a real line from the show.

Oh, Adal.

That's not a real line from the show, but that's the gist, that's the type of humor, and in all honesty, I love it.

So this is what happened. Adal woke up in the middle of the night, thought of that joke, grabbed a paper and pen, and scribbled it down.

And started watching The Nanny to be like, I gotta establish a nanny so I can make this joke.

I gotta justify this joke. Here's my question about The Nanny. When did you, did someone recommend it to you?

It seems like such a weird... Yeah, someone was talking about how good it was, and I go, really? Because I always assumed it was like, kind of like on and gone like I thought it wasn't it wasn't very popular and they're like no it's like on for six or seven seasons or something and she was nominated for Emmys so I started watching it and I was like this is legit great.

Legit, it's the exact same thing with According to Jim, Jim Belushi show. You should watch that next.

Why do you keep winking?

Just watch, just don't worry about it.

Why do you keep nudging Erin?

Don't worry, she owes me some grape nuts.

I owe you some grape nuts and we're making a deal.

For those of you who don't know, Erin keeps making bets and all she will bet is grape nuts.

We're

Adal brought four oscillating fans into the theater.

He's never cool. He's always so hot. I'm sweating, I can't stop sweating. He sweats like a pig. I sweat like I have stigmata, but with sweat.

Oh my god.

So sweat, what you just described is sweat. No, no, like stigmata, but with water.

I'm gonna drink my tea.

Stigwata.

Stigwata.

Adel has Stigwata. Hey, I got Stigwata here. It's Stigwata, it's not my hands, it's just my harmonic.

Hello Stigwata. But I'm thankful for the fans. I'm thankful for HeadGum, our network. I'm thankful for KJ. This sucks. The best editor and producer there is out there.

KJ, by the way, did tell us that they want to go by letters now. The word letters.

If you see KJ on the streets, and we'll post a photo of KJ. KJ on the streets. We'll post a photo of them. If you see KJ on the streets, you have to come up to them and you have to call them Letters. Or zippers.

But what's funny is- I call KJ zippers. No one has ever called me letters. JPC? JPC, yeah.

Does anybody come up to you and think they're really clever and go, you done with JPC? Yeah, you know me.

I did introduce- I was meeting someone, my roommate Tim was there, and they were like- Pass the gravy, please. Oh, here you go. There's the gravy. And do you want the bowl for the gravy, or just the stuff I dribbled out of my bowl? Just what you put in my hand. Great. My roommate Tim introduced me, or he said, oh, this is someone. And I was like, oh, I'm JP. And he goes, you fucking forget a letter? And I was like, I don't know. It just slipped out. I guess I just, yes, I did forget a letter.

How big of a win for initial-based humans is JB Pritzer's win?

Honestly, for initial-based people, it is a huge win. For non-billionaires, he could go fuck himself.

JPC, I remember when you were sort of just in my periphery in Chicago. Like, I only knew you through watching you in shows.

Oh, I thought you meant when you could turn and see me and that I was gone. Like a horror movie? Yeah, like when I hit follows you.

Yeah, when Yui follows me.

That was like the first two years of me knowing you. I was like, it follows a Yui.

Oh, I thought it was IT follows. Who's that shadow on the side? And then a train would go by and then you would disappear. I'd see you on one side and then you'd all be gone.

And then I was gone. And then Adal, when I first met you, I final destination to you, right? That's right. Yeah, that's right. I killed board.

I was supposed to be on a plane and then you... Six of your friends, yeah. You made the plane crash. We made the plane crash.

Yeah, wood go through the glass.

But I think I called you every combination of three letters that there was in the alphabet.

Do you remember any of them?

I was like, A, B, C. Who's that guy? He's the one on that team where they always play old-timey mayors.

Yeah, that's true.

And then I finally learned that it was JPC.

Speaking of old-timey mayors, for Hey Gobble Gobble, JPC will be playing the role of old man... Do we want to say old man drumsticks? Do we want to say old man giblets?

Well, we didn't talk about this. I think now is as good a time as any to have this conversation.

Old Ham Riddles? Yeah, we should call me Old Ham Riddles. Because glazed ham is a thing, right?

Why can't I think of Thanksgiving food? Do you guys have Thanksgiving ham? No.

I don't, but... Oh, because of your... We have cold turkey.

And then one year, my youngest cousin... You have cold turkey? Every year.

I think your mom quit an addiction. She quit an addiction! Hey kids, for this holiday, we're having... I'm quitting... Cold turkey. Yeah, cocaine cold turkey.

on Why is the turkey cold? And all the cousins looked around and were like, we don't know.

Finally somebody said it. Wait, is Daniel the son of the person whose turkey is cold?

No.

He's just like a different cousin.

Yeah, he's just a different cousin.

And then Daniel's the cousin that you put in the lion's den?

Come on, man. Oh my god.

What's going on?

Just having some fun.

It was a big moment.

I've been having ice cold, not ice cold, but very cold turkey.

Did you not figure it out? Was there no follow-up? Did Daniel go missing? What's the resolution?

Yeah, in my family we're not allowed to talk about how we eat cold turkey or how we're a little bit English. Because we're supposed to say we're all Irish. All right, you are Old Man Puzzles?

I'm Old Ham Drumsticks is the consensus.

That's fine. No, no, no, hold on. Cold Ham Drumsticks. So, for this episode of Hey Gobble Gobble, I will be playing the part of Cold Ham Drumsticks. If this is your first episode,

I'm so sorry, you're wildly confused. Yeah, so I'm Cold Hand Drumsticks. This is what the podcast is about. The podcast is about riddles, and so in the tradition of, you know, however many episodes of this that we've done, 15 or so, 17 to 19, we will be... Which is our target demographic. Yes, exactly.

15 or 17 to 19. 15 or so, 17 to 19. We do not appeal to 16 year olds.

If you're trying to get your license, get the hell out of here.

There's a weird age in there where you just hate all things that's 16.

Yeah, well, we kind of hit a sophomore slump where we don't do any 16 year olds. So if you're 16 and you're listening to the podcast, stop, fuck you. We're not for you.

Honestly, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, yeah, dab on your grave.

You're not going to pass that driver's equipment. Hey, buy me a lottery ticket. I can't.

But what Cold Ham Drumsix will do is I will give you some Thanksgiving-themed warm-ups. Keep in mind, these are Thanksgiving-themed. You just said it, so it's fresh in mind. When you do think of the answers to this, just as a starting point, think Thanksgiving.

Can we call this warm-up round Talking Turkey? Erin gave a deep sigh and walked away from the table, and she has gotten into her car and is gone.

You looked over at me just as I was trying to inconspicuously burp. You looked directly at me, and I was trying to do a quiet little burp.

While you burp, let me just say, just to clear the air, I brought up both politics- Burp. That was Erin. That was a cute burp. I brought up both politics with JB Pritzker and religion at a Thanksgiving table, and we didn't have any fights. Oh yeah, wow. So we're like family.

Do you have rules that you don't talk about politics with your family?

Oh, we don't eat at the same table, we eat in separate rooms.

We all eat in our separate jettas. We all have Volkswagen jettas and we all eat mashed potatoes in our jettas. If you didn't know, Adal's rich.

Oh, you got a jetta? Rich as hell.

Yeah, I don't really talk politics with my family, but... Make that Jetta buy a Jetta.

It's what we say in my family. I have it tattooed on my back. Here we go, take it away. 20 minutes in, let's get to our first riddle.

Okay, go ahead. This is our first riddle. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?

When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Is that true?

Because it's Halloween, and then he makes it Christmas, and they skip Thanksgiving.

Yeah, I mean, so that's so stupid. If I solved it, I solved it. If I won, you must tell me I won.

It's the year before. No.

No, hold on. I'm Cold Ham Drumstick, so I'll be the one to tell you when you've got the riddle correct. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? Every year.

No.

What's that?

I have a guess.

Alright, hold on. Is your guess that Christmas and Thanksgiving are two people's names and Christmas makes Thanksgiving come when they are having sex? That's your guess, isn't it?

Now it is.

It's when Thanksgiving writes the alphabet with their tongue on Christmas.

Yes, that's true.

Isn't it funny that we fell in love and both of our names are holiday names? That's how they sound.

Wasn't there a James Bond girl whose name was Christmas?

It was Halle Berry, right? No, it was someone else. The Noxzema girl, right?

The Noxzema girl? Denise Richards? Oh yes, it was Denise Richards.

Or that was Rebecca Gayhart.

God, I have no idea. Anyway, her name was Christmas Thanksgiving.

Is it something like of the lettering? Is it like, because C comes before T in the alphabet?

Yes, it is something along those lines, and that is exactly correct. Yes, it's the dictionary.

Before we move on, I do need to see a scene between JPC and Erin, with Erin using that voice you just used, where Erin, your name is Thanksgiving, JPC, you are Christmas, and you're spending a lovely afternoon together. You are in a relationship.

What would you like to eat? Like, where do you want to go eat? Where should we eat tonight?

I mean, can't we just make that... Can't we cross that bridge when we come to it?

No, I mean, I feel like I don't want to have an argument later about where we're gonna eat, if we're gonna eat in, read out.

I mean, it's 2 p.m. I don't feel like we have to have dinner plans at 2 p.m.

Well, here's the thing. If we decide to wait till when I'm hungry, I'm gonna get mad at you and then we're gonna fight.

Well, here's the thing. If you know you're gonna get mad and you know we're gonna fight, why don't we just not do that when the time comes?

Well, I can't help it when you're acting like an ass when I say, do you want Olive Garden? And you say,

Well, here's the thing. I don't know how to tell you that human beings are not meant to eat that much goddamn salt, okay? I can't eat an Olive Garden.

Oh, because you have a sensitive tummy. I have to suffer through life. Boring food. Oh, let's eat more food.

Oh, don't you put this on me. Do not put this on me.

Oh, joke's on you. I was trying to propose tonight.

You were gonna propose to me, Adam? Olive Garden? What the fuck, Christmas?

Yeah, because we were gonna be- I'm Thanksgiving, you're Christmas!

No, I'm saying, what the fuck, Christmas? How could you fall for this piece of shit who was gonna propose to you in an olive garden?

I was gonna put a ring in a breadstick, and then we were gonna be family.

We cut to a different- a sliding doors timeline where that proposal does take place in an olive garden. Okay. More, uh, more breadsticks?

Oh, please!

It's a joke because they're never-ending so I will bring them.

That's funny. You're charming. Turn it down a little. I'm trying to impress Christmas here.

You don't have to impress me, Thanksgiving. I'm already impressed. The Olive Garden has affordable prices and two-for-one take-one home entrees.

You should work for us.

Combined with infinite salad and breadsticks, it's the deal that keeps on d-d-d-d-d-d-giving!

Uh, of course you probably know our slogan. Do you know it?

When you're here, you'll marry me! I'll take that as a yes!

For listeners who aren't on the front lawn that we're recording on, Frank Oz came in and just nailed that two-person scene.

I did tell you before we started recording, set me up for the character voice that I love doing. Set me up for my best character voice.

I thought it was delightful.

Oh yeah, thank you.

Thanks! Now I'm stuck forever.

I think it would be fun to be a Muppet because then I could have no butt. It's just a big hole. Wouldn't that be fun if all my insides were gone and my butt was a big hole?

But then you don't know when you're pooping, it just falls out. That's a downfall, right?

No, the upside is that you wouldn't know when you're pooping.

But that's a downfall. It's like you don't feel it, it just falls out. So you're walking along and you're like... You think feeling it is the best part of pooping? No, but I'm saying it's necessary to maintain social relationships.

Oh yeah, I'm a Muppet. My big problem is going to be maintaining social relationships.

If I'm getting audited by the IRS and we're sitting there and poop falls out, that's highly... Did you deduct that?

My favorite thing about JPC, and I love a lot and hate a lot about JPC... This is Thanksgiving, this is the right time to do this. My favorite thing about JPC is if you give me a hundred guesses for what he's about today, I'll never guess it. You'll never get it. Pass the green bean casserole. Wait, who's your favorite Muppet?

My favorite, thank you so much, my favorite Muppet I think it used, like as a kid it was Gonzo because he was so weird and you're like what a what a weird little alien bug and then as I got older I really liked Beaker. Like when Breaking Bad came out? Yeah because all that chemistry.

I was never into the Muppets. I don't think I ever really watched any Muppets.

What did you like instead of the Muppets?

I'm I don't know if I liked- I don't know if I was in- But I'm saying they're Muppets.

If you say you don't like Muppets, you're being redundant if you say you don't like Sesame Street.

So I don't know, but I also have a terrible memory and I don't remember anything about any part of my life. Like, I get like, yeah, I just- What's my name? Oh man, I know that it's Kerbin. JPC. I wanna say it's Kerbin.

Oh buddy, you have memento.

I do, I totally have memento, I really do. There are moments in my life where I'm like, if I don't write it down on my calendar, I just completely fucking forget every part.

This episode's gonna be famous for us doing one riddle.

Well no, but also it's true because on this show specifically, since I have such a shitty memory, I'm always so concerned I'm gonna start doing like... So the man takes the knife and you're like, yes, this is the one you've already done.

You've already done that, which I believe happened already.

Yeah, it's definitely happened before.

So in our Christmas episode, when you fling open the shutters and yell down, excuse me, what day is today? You really are genuinely asking. That is what you... I'm referencing a Muppet Christmas Carol.

Oh, I didn't see it, I don't know.

Oh, you're referencing Muppets.

I love that movie.

If you haven't seen a Muppet Christmas Carol, you haven't seen a Christmas Carol.

Sorry I wasn't listening to the Muppets, I was too busy getting laid. Oh yeah? Well no, I mean, not until like my late 20s and even then it was kind of bitty. I'm ready for another one. You ready for another one? Yeah. Why did they let the turkey join the Thanksgiving band?

Because it had drumsticks. It brought its own drumsticks.

Because he brought his own drumsticks.

This one's gonna be almost impossible to get.

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?

Oh, I know this.

This time I'll let Erin.

June showers.

I'll look smug and I'll wink and I'll give Erin a chance.

June showers.

Do some bad guesses so Erin feels better. July showers.

Baby showers. Doesn't June showers sound like a real estate agent? Hi, I'm June showers. This is a toothbrush. Hi, I'm June showers.

That's a Jack and Jill bathroom.

I don't know.

Here's what we need. If you're listening and you have some free time, we need you to make a Century 21 sign. If you're listening to this show, you have free time. If you're listening to this show, you have time. So make us a Century 21 sign with real estate agent June Showers.

It's just my face. It just put a ton of makeup on me.

It's Erin's face with a ton of makeup and she's on fire.

Century 21 sells the most residential real estate.

Oh, okay.

Nobody cares. I just saw a sign that said that the other day. That's pretty cool. If it's on a sign, it's gotta be true.

What do May showers bring?

Alright, no, not May showers. I wasn't listening. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Oh, pilgrims!

Yes, they bring pilgrims. Oh, well that's actually more accurate. Let's see what this joke website says. No, apparently this joke for kids is not smallpox. Well, they're treating them like babies. What kind of key do you use on Thanksgiving? What kind of key do you use on Thanksgiving? Now, remember, Thanksgiving is a holiday.

I know what it is.

Yes, I do too.

Piano key, because one of your drunk-ass cousins is going to start to show off by playing Heart and Soul.

Oh yeah, yeah. They show off by playing Heart and Soul on the piano. I guess we have very different cousins. How is it possible that you and I have different cousins? We share everything else. Here's my riddle. How do Adal and I have different cousins?

I don't know.

But share everything else. My cousins from another... muzzin. You're my cousin from another muzzin.

I've got a dozen cousins from another muzzin.

Every year at Thanksgiving, since I think the late 70s, my family does a rock skipping competition. So you were born in the late 70s? No, my whole like, I was born in the 90s. But it's been happening a long time and I've never won. All my male cousins win.

Do you

No, it takes like a minute. I don't walk into the sea. It's not an immediate drop-off.

It's like a Virginia Woolf situation? You skip rocks by putting them into your pocket and then walking into the sea. That gets in the furthest.

My mom won in the late 80s and then my section of the family hadn't. And I think it's because it was just cold and everyone wanted to leave. And then we didn't win again until my brother-in-law won. Mitch, horrible garbage Mitch won two years ago.

It steams my clams to know that Mitch won the rock skipping contest.

That brings us to one of our favorite segments, Mitch Sesh. Ooh, I like Mitch Sesh.

Can I tell you the most disappointing thing?

Dishin' and dissin' Mitch. That's so hard to say.

So since the last time I recorded, my niece was born, which is very exciting.

Is this Mitch's daughter?

Mitch's daughter was born. Oh, Mitch is a father? Yeah, and she's so cute, and I can't stand how cute she is, but she looks exactly like him. It's like my family's genetics had no part of it.

He's like 6'11", right? Yeah, he's 7'18".

Is he the tall one? Yeah, he's 6'7".

Genetically, babies usually look more like the father. That's like a response from human beings so that the father connects with the baby so they won't abandon the family.

So what did you do earlier today? Read up about real estate and babies? You trying to impress us? I went to a real estate baby convention. Let's just share this nice meal. I want to tell you an apartment, please. Baby real estate agent is a key character.

I've never have I done a character that hasn't been baby something. Like baby horny dog, baby horny dog ghost. I can't wait till the Christmas episode when I break up. Baby horny dog ghost. Did you guys finish this riddle? Why didn't the turkey finish its... No, that's a different one.

Oh, we have to answer your last one.

Oh yeah, what kind of key does it use on Thanksgiving? It's a turkey. Yes. Why didn't the turkey finish its dessert?

Oh, I got it.

It was too pie-ered.

Oh, that's even better. That's even better. Speaking of, can you pass the pie, Adal?

Yeah, of course. Here you go. Oh, I tripped. God damn it.

And now it's in my face. Put it right on your dick. Oh, what Adal said.

Well, certainly those two concepts can't exist together. So let's call it what it is.

It was Erin's face.

It was not my dick.

Brother.

Brother from another cousin. Peanut butter cups were invented. You got pie on my dick, you got pie on my face.

This is why I feel bad that this episode is going the way it's going. Everyone right now is at an airport on their way to see their family listening to this and they are... We're on warm-up riddles and we're 30 minutes in.

Somebody might be stuck home alone. No, it's me. Okay, ready? Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? It's the final warm-up riddle. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The butt side. I mean, she's not wrong. I've gotten worse at this.

The butt side? You are getting worse at this, correct? Which is my favorite Gary Larson cartoon. Oh yeah. The butt side?

What's an example of a butt side?

It's a kid trying to push onto a butt, but it says pull.

Oh god.

I get it.

Why would a butt be pull? No!

What was the question? I literally forget what it is.

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The side that's not plucked? Is it as simple as that?

You can go pluck yourself. Yep, you walked right into that. Butt pluck myself? Butt pluck yourself. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

It's not the side that's not unplugged? Nope. Give us a hint.

Oh boy. Did you forget the answer? No, I'm trying to give you a hint that doesn't give it away. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? It's not the left side, and it's not the right side.

Backside. Frontside.

Nope. Top. Neither of those sides. Not top. Bottom. Pillow side. Pillow side. Bedside. The bedside. It's gotta be the bedside. The bedside makes sense, but nobody sleeps on turkey feathers unless you're fucking poor.

That brings us to our first ad of the episode. Turkey beds.

Turkey beds!

I don't know.

You guys ready? You guys give up? I give up. You lose.

You have to give up. To give up means that you cared in the first place?

Okay, yes, that's a really interesting distinction. Yeah the outside The inside of the turkey has no feathers unless that turkey a cannibal

You don't know that they're eating other turkeys. A lot of things have feathers.

What's it called when you eat your own feathers? What's that? It's like not... There's no term for that. Everyone's looking at me like there is a term for that.

Do you know that 1 out of 10 turkeys will suffer from ingrown feathers?

What, did he go to a turkey convention all day?

Hey, hey guys, it's me!

Yeah, how does it feel, Adal? Does it feel really bad to have your life's work, baby real estate, thrown back in your face?

Hey Erin, you're a pretty unique person, would you agree?

Yeah, I'm pretty and unique.

You're unique.

Okay.

Or are you nitty? Yeah. What do you sleep on?

Sometimes it's just like a bunch of newspapers stacked on top of each other of like when I've been in the news. And sometimes it's JPC.

That's a pretty thin file of newspapers. Local girl falls downstairs. What? I said local girl falls downstairs. Does it on purpose. Goes to jail. Well Erin, because of your unique pretty makeup, I don't know how to phrase this, you should be sleeping on the Helix mattress that JPC and I got you.

Yeah, yeah, I mean we know that sometimes people have been like, don't sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, but they mean don't side sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't hot sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, because we know that everybody sleeps different. Well the Helix Sleep Mattress is designed for people who sleep in a variety of different ways.

And you can take a quiz And it's not the type of quiz that you can fail, so don't worry about that. I worry about that. But it's just a quiz to get to know what kind of sleeper you are.

You took the Helix Sleep quiz, Erin, and you got a don't sleep, right?

The first F ever.

You can find that quiz at helixsleep.com slash riddle. It only takes two minutes, and it's going to match your specific makeup to a mattress that's right for you.

Yeah, that's why they call it Helix Sleep, because it relies on double helix, so you just enter your DNA into the quiz, and then it tells you what kind of mattress is your soulmate, basically.

And it tells you what kind of mattresses your ancestors slept on. I mean, you'll see that in your dreams.

Yeah, that'll be something thatthey don't promise that, but that is something that comes in most people's dreams.

And they have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it for 100 nights, risk-free.

They have a 10-year warranty?

Warren G. Yeah, 10-year Warren G. And 100 nights risk-free.

There is a little loophole here because they say 100 nights, but you also get the 100 days as well. Oh, do you? So you can sleep in the mattress 24 hours a day for 100 days.

And for me specifically, for Adal Rifai, those are Arabian days and Arabian nights. That's true. All 100.

And that's not something any of the rest of us feel comfortable saying.

And if you sleep next to a partner, half the mattress can be for you, and the other half of the mattress could be for your partner.

Or, you know, you could do three quarters. Just with sprawl. With arms and legs. But right now, Helix is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. That's $125 off. To get your $125 off at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order. Don't sleep on this deal. That's not theirs. That's mine.

I guess the way I sleep is I clutch a pillow and I kiss it.

Yeah, I do the same thing but the pillow's in between my legs.

How I sleep is, you know when you get someone in that like chokehold, like with your leg?

Oh, like Xena did for James Bond in that movie?

Yeah, that's what my blankets do to me.

That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. Of course on the pillow I write, not a pillow. So when I kiss it, it makes sense.

Naturally, you're pretty unique.

Helixsleep.com. Slash Riddle! I'm gonna go upstairs for a little bit.

Oh God. See, what did I say? No fighting on Thanksgiving. We all came together.

He's upstairs.

I've been cooking all day. I'm sorry.

Erin, I'm sorry.

I've been cooking all day.

If you've been cooking all day, why is the turkey cold? Shut up!

I want to go stay at my dad's.

I want to go to dad's. Come downstairs and watch the parade. Watch the parade.

Is now a good time to say MAGA? Oh boy.

Oh god.

Oh god.

What? Someone had to say it. Nightmare.

Order in the turkey court. I'm cold ham drumsticks. I decide what happens. The warm-up round is over. Now it is time for a little something that I like to call just some more riddles because that's the show. The show is riddles.

Before we continue, let's say tell our listeners where to eat in the airports they're in right now. Where should they go get a snack? In the airports right now? They're hungry right now, they're in the airport.

If you're at an airport, or if you are driving on the road, and you're gonna pull over to get some food, here's your best options. Sure. I will say, to pull over, Long John Silver's is a classic.

You love Long John Silver's.

You gotta get the chicken planks, hush puppies, and you gotta get extra little crispies, the little batter drippings, the little cracklings, and a side order of hush puppies, that's what you gotta do.

So you already said hushpuppies, so you want to get the meal of the hushpuppies and a side order of hushpuppies?

Yeah, unless you're an idiot. If you're at an airport, what you want to do is you want to get out of the airport, run a car, and drive to Long John Silver's. When you get to Long John Silver's, what you're going to do is get some hushpuppies, chicken planks, side order of hushpuppies, extra drippings.

If you are at O'Hare, I'm sorry, Oh yeah, if you're at O'Hare, you should go to the Chili's. The Chili's too.

Oh yeah, Chili's too.

If you're at Midway, and it is around Thanksgiving time, look around for me and then eat my butt.

And if you're at any other airport, go up to a bar and just order three to four Bloody Marys and a bunch of fish to get ready to see your family.

When you order a range of drinks, what does a bartender do with that information? I'll have three to five drinks.

I do want to warn you listeners, if you do order specifically Three Bloody Marys, she does appear. Yes.

Yeah, that's true.

So be forewarned. Also, if you are in the airport, I think it's O'Hare, Frontera Grill is spectacular.

In O'Hare? The only choice in O'Hare is Chili's 2. If you're going to not the Chili's 2, you're making a mistake.

That's what I'm saying. Frontier is the best.

One time at O'Hare, because I was really feeling like I deserved it, got a margarita at Chili's too, and then went and got a massage. At the airport? Yeah, at the airport. How was it? I got an airport massage. Okay. And that's drunk.

Was it sanctioned by the airport?

A drunk okay is a sober, absolutely terrible.

I was margarita drunk and I got a massage and it was just fine.

It's massage somewhere. It's massage o'clock somewhere.

This is a riddle podcast. Erin is technically technically correct about that. So here is your first riddle. I am slim and tall, many find me desirable and appealing.

They touch me and I give a false, good feeling.

Once I shine in splendor, but only once and then no more. For many, I am to die for. Adrian Brody. What am I? It's Adrian Brody, yeah. It's the pianist, it's the Punisher, not Punisher, Predator.

You remember when Adrian Brody played the Predator and the pianist?

He was on the pianist role, wasn't he? No, he was the pianist. What I meant to say is Punisher.

Adrian Brody as the Punisher is the funniest. To imagine that skull outfit draping off of him, like he's a hanger.

He is thin.

He's very thin. Wired thin. That's why I said hang on.

That riddle had so much information in my brain shutting down.

That's the key. That's what that riddle was trying to do. Read it one more time. I am slim and tall. Many find me desirable and appealing. They touch me and I give a false good feeling. Once I shine in splendor, but only once and then no more. For many, I am to die for. What am I?

Wishbone.

These are not Thanksgiving. Oh, they're not? No, no, no. And it's the dog Wishbone.

Wishbone, come on, Wishbone. What did he do?

He helped me read or some shit?

Who cares?

He's the reason why I know the plot of The Count of Monte Cristo.

And go ahead, and go ahead.

Hold on, hold on.

I need to see a scene.

I need to see a scene. Well, I was going to say, before we see the scene, I have to, I would be remiss if I did not mention, Wishbone, if you are listening, Please, if you want to come on the show, you have an open invitation. You are a very good boy. Erin loves you and would love to have you as a guest. So if you are listening, if your master or owner is listening, please... Wishbone is long dead.

So Wishbone, if you are in heaven, well, good chance if you are in hell, you are probably listening to this show on repeat.

Let's be honest, a dog that time travels, he's going to hell.

Wishbone time travels? Didn't he? I thought he taught me how to read. He traveled into books. Wishbone, I love your take on Tom Sawyer.

So that's witchcraft. He's in hell. He traveled into books?

No, he just would play a major character in books.

But he was a dog.

What's the story, Wishbone? I didn't have cable.

He would be like Robin Hood and he would like talk. He'd be like, huh, ruff ruff ruff ruff.

Okay, Erin, we're gonna see a quick scene where Adal and I are your dogs and you are a very lonely person who makes her two dogs do plays for her. And so this is whatever play you choose.

And we're not canoe dogs, we're regular dogs.

Okay, great.

Yes.

Okay puppies, what'll it be today, huh? Have you been rehearsing anything while I've been at work?

We didn't read Waiting for Godot.

What?

It's boring. It's so boring. We tried to read, but it's boring.

But did you understand that Godot is a metaphor for God?

Yeah, it's the, you know, existentialism and demeaning. It's pretty transparent, honestly.

It's pretentious.

No one did anything at work today for my birthday.

Where do you work again? The butt store?

Yes, I work at the butt store. I'm the manager at the butt store. I worked my way up. It was an entry-level position and I worked my way up to manager.

At the butt store they have an entry-level position? That seems wildly inappropriate to list.

They say entry-level position.

For all these years that Rover's been giving you shit for working at the butt store, I thought he was just being a smart aleck. You work at the butt store? Tuxedo, I tried to tell you.

Put on this hat. Put on these little hats. I want to see Waiting for Godot. I gave you the book. You said you'd rehearse.

Curtain up! Is he coming? I don't know. Are you coming? Not before Christmas. I ask you to make one book not dirty. Let us do a porn. We're dogs. We're dogs. Anything we do is going to be doggy style. Of bison men. Dirty. We're dogs. We're horny as hell. Let us do a porn. Would you rather we be the ghost of dogs? Ghost of horny dogs?

Tale of Two Cities. You've made it a porn. You have made everything... A Tale of Them Titties.

A tale between them titties. A puppy tale. A puppy tale. Between them titties. With dogs. Story wishbones. Did you say butt-store story?

Oh my god. What would a butt-store be? Let's not go there. Does anyone have an answer for this riddle?

I think it would sell the meats.

A candle. Something that's shining that people care about.

It only does it once and then never again.

So candle would be good in terms of like... But only once and then no more.

A touch lamp. Or one of those dryers in a bathroom. A firework.

They touch me and I give false good feeling.

Oh, an ecstasy. A tube of ecstasy.

An Erin. A tube of ecstasy. An Erin. It's an Erin. Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm fuckin' in the air. Yeah. I'm Erin and unfortunately I'm tall and slim. I really am. I'm pretty skinny. For many I am to die for. Hiya. Hiya. Hiya.

Also, can we just say we've gotten so many tweets and emails about how much people love when we sing.

Oh no, really?

Oh yeah, people really enjoy us singing. But the reason why is because our voices, actually Erin, your voice is heavenly. I'm sure that most of the- And that it's died. And a little pitchy, a little high?

Oh yeah, I get it, yeah. Yeah, I get it. Do you guys really want the answer?

We want a hint, we want a hint because we're spinning our wheels. I am slim and tall. You're just re-reading it. I'm going to have to go through to try to find an appropriate hint.

Can we ask some yes or no questions?

Yes, absolutely.

Would you find this item in a household?

Not necessarily.

In a rich household?

No.

Does this come from the earth or is it man-made?

You were closest with candle and Letters has it. Letters knows the answer. Really? It's the first time this has ever happened that KJ and I made eye contact.

KJ gave me the... It's the first time you've made eye contact with our editor?

Well, I said from day one, I refuse to meet your eyes because I will not

Unless they're my girlfriend's parents, I refuse to meet them.

I will not give submission. I will not be submissive to anyone.

Zippers knows it?

Zippers knows it.

We made eye contact.

So candles close. Is firecracker close? Or firework? Candles closer, but yeah. Firecrackers in the same ballpark.

Alright, I'm gonna look at KJ and see if I can figure out... And try and read it in their eyes.

So if you're listening to this podcast, look at the KJ in your life and see if your KJ, that could be your dad, it could be An old man's grave. Maybe a table. It could be a bunch of splinters. It could be 200 ants.

Okay, is it all a fire?

Yes, fire is a component of this.

You'd light this. We're closest to matching candle, but you said it's not found in every home. Would it be found in every home that has a Jetta?

God, what a bad question. What a bad question. No, it's not a fireplace. It's long and slender.

Oh, Slenderman. He brings joy once and then he kills you.

Yeah.

That's going to be one of those things where people are mad that we don't know it. What's that? People are going to be mad that we don't know it. I'm certainly mad.

People are screaming right now. People are listening to this at the Thanksgiving table. They have earpods in, or whatever those are called. What do you have those? What are they called? Earpods. Earpods. I'm hipping you. They have earpods in, and they're hooding up. Because they're trying to hide from their family they're listening to this podcast, but you've done well.

There are dogs in hell screaming that they know the answer to this.

Wishbone is in heaven, reading is important.

Okay, so like a matchstick, like a matchstick.

That's so far my favorite moment of any episode that we've done. Wishdog is in heaven.

Wishdog!

What did I say? You said wishdog. Here's the most important thing that's ever been said on Hey Riddle Riddle. Wishbone is in heaven, reading is important. Wishdog.

I want someone to put that on like a library book bag.

Wishbone is in heaven, reading is important. It's like the new book-it. For every book you read, Wishbone gets another year in heaven.

And a personal pan pizza. You keep it in a pack? A wolf. Or a carton. Cigarettes. Yay! It's a cigarette. And KJ did make the universal symbol for cigarette, which is smoking a cigarette. And you all missed it because you don't stop and pay attention. That's the way my dad smoked them.

I can't believe I'm here. I'm basically Grace Kelly. I'm so classy and I'm here somehow. I'm somehow here.

You're so classy. Erin, I watched you fart into a burp. What a good podcast if Debbie Reynolds did a podcast and it was called Deb on Air.

I love Debbie Riddle. We could see that. But she passed away, right?

Yeah.

Well, she's in hell with wishbone.

New Riddle! She's in heaven! New Riddle! She wasn't singing in the rain, she's in heaven!

No, I've called ham drumsticks, she's in hell with wishbone. She is in heaven. New Riddle.

We should say very quickly, and I'm so sorry to keep interrupting, we should say that there is some sort of, like previously mentioned, some sort of soiree going on in this building. So there may be some orchestral music floating into our microphones.

If you do hear some sort of soft jazz in the background, it is my dad's retirement party across the hall. I told him I was in Copenhagen. And your dad works at the butt store? Yeah, my dad just retired from the punk store. 50 years, they gave him a golden, oh, not a watch, not a watch, butt. Alright, butt is what I was looking for.

Alright, new riddle.

Of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two, the small boy gets it for nothing. The young man has to lie for it. The old man has to buy it. The baby's right, the lover's privilege, the hypocrite's mask. To the young girl, faith. To the married woman, hope. To the old maid, charity. What am I?

Diamonds.

Condoms. Diamonds are condoms.

Diamonds are for condoms.

This is nonsense words. No one talks like this. And for the people, grace. And for the other people, the ups and the downs. And the ladies and the gentlemen and the young boys there too, and so is the old man.

Well, so that's not what I said, but that is a good guess.

It was very Seuss-y and it was like, and then the woozles moved to whatzits and the boobles bought the bobsits.

The woozles and the bobsits and the whatzits. In front of every flower there's a penny.

Do you guys want to make fun of the riddle or answer the riddle? Make fun of it. And the mother was the buppa and the...

JBC, my first question for you, is it a noun or is it like one of those intangible things? It's not an intangible.

No.

It's not an intangible. Yes. So it's a thing.

Can you find it in a house? What's that? Would you find it in every household?

No, I don't think so. It's not intangible. It's not like the concept of poverty.

Laughter.

No, no, it's not, it's not like, so, of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two. Love.

Love.

Sex. The small boy gets it for nothing.

Hustler.

The young man has to lie for it. The old man has to buy it. The baby's right. The lover's privilege. The hypocrite's mask. Wait, the baby's right? It's, it's the right of a baby. Not like a right-wing baby.

Although... Is it getting tucked in at night?

Here's what I want to see. Baby real estate agent who's right-wing? Yeah.

Baby Trump this fall on NBC. To the young girl, faith. To the married woman, hope. To the old man, charity. What am I? Strippers.

Those are all stripper names.

Those are all stripper names. I don't know. This is super hard. This is very wordy. KJ knows it. KJ knows it. This is very wordy and very confusing, but I will say, well, I'm not going to give too much away yet. I want to let you struggle for a little while longer.

KJ, can you pantomime Baby bottle of milk.

Um, I don't want any corn that you've creamed.

Let me stir the creamed with the corn on the cob, here you go.

Oh boy, okay, so it's a mixture, thank you so much.

Erin, do you want more green bean casserole?

No. No?

You've eaten none of the things I've made.

Yeah. Erin, can I introduce you to some taco meat?

Oh, it's a little hard.

That's a little hard, it's been sitting out for a minute.

And it's also a critical hit.

Alright, let's see.

My dish was a critical hit.

That's a very funny thing to say at a D&D themed Thanksgiving. A kiss. I think so. Erin, Keif. You've got it correct. I did? You've got it absolutely correct. It's a kiss.

No way.

Yeah, but my hint was about to say like the first line gives it away. Of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two.

I'm guys. I'm guys? I know. JPC, I told you day one. I said if Erin ever gets a kiss on this show, I'm walking away.

So I'll be upstairs. That's... I got it. I'm glad I got it.

And the only kiss that I'll ever accept on this show is if I'm on a date with one of your siblings and I pay for 25% of that date.

Last night I watched maybe two hours of YouTube clips of that show Kissing for Sight. Have you ever heard of it?

Kissing for Sight?

What on earth? Okay, so it's a show that my boyfriend is obsessed with because it's so cringy. And there's one clip that he loves of this guy being like, I'm gonna just walk in and kiss her. And he goes up to her and is like, can I kiss you? And she's like, yeah. And then he just goes in and then just gives her a hug and like the most awkward kiss on the cheek and like a little pat. But we watched Two hours of that, and then we watched the first episode of Married at First Sight. We went down a rabbit hole.

Did you say Kissing for Sight?

Kiss at First Sight? Something like that?

Oh, I thought she said Kissing for Sight. I thought you said Kissing for Sight, and I was like, this sounds like the devil's deal of like, I'll give you back your... It's like a Little Mermaid type situation.

That does sound like a riddle. It is. I recommend it. It's painful. And then also watch the TV show Married at First Sight.

It's brutal. Here's what we'll, maybe this is what we'll end with, unless Cold Ham Drumstick had something else.

I have one that will take us home.

It's on Netflix, six episodes, and it stars Robb Stark from Game of Thrones.

It's six episodes? Oh yes, my sister just told me to watch it yesterday.

It's real dark.

It's a Whitney, it's like the Whitney Houston movie, right?

Oh, I'm sorry, yeah, it's not BBC, it's Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston.

No, but isn't it like a, is it not based on that at all?

It's not based on that, no. I mean, it's a similar premise in terms of like it's a high-powered person with a bodyguard, but any bodyguard is going to be with a high-powered person.

That's not true. You can buy a bodyguard. How much? Honestly, you could buy one for like $200.

I'll be your bodyguard. I'll let you die, but I'll be your bodyguard.

If you be my bodyguard.

I've had bodyguards before. I've rented bodyguards. When? What's that? When? I go to parties all the time and I take bodyguards with me. That's my thing. No, seriously, I do that. So people can't go up to you? That's your fun thing? Yeah. So people can't go up to me or they'll get their fucking head beat off by a bodyguard.

What do you recommend, JPC?

Come up to me at a party, see what happens.

When you're home for Thanksgiving, come up to JPC at a party.

Can I tell you something that I absolutely don't recommend? It's something that I've been watching on Netflix as well. It is Designated Survivor with Erin Kiefer Sutherland. It is garbage.

It is the biggest... Is that the one where something blows up and he has to be president?

He has to be president, and it's the biggest pile of trash. It's like the West Wing, if the West Wing was written by, like, illiterate children. It is so bad. And a friend of mine told me to start watching it, and now whenever I watch it, I just text him about all of the awful things that happen on the show. He's like, it gets worse! Keep watching! It's really, really bad. It got canceled after two seasons, and then I think Netflix picked up the rights to it, and they're making a third season, which is insane. I love it. So don't watch that.

My real recommendation is Gravity Falls. Have you watched it? Oh, that's amazing. I had never watched it.

I watched it earlier this year and I watched all three seasons in like two weeks. It's brilliant.

Our friend Waleed is the one who recommended it to me.

It's so good. I love how we all spoke with so much passion about television shows that we're watching. Way, way more than we talked about our family, our friends, or our fans in our network at the very beginning of this podcast. I have one last riddle to take us home. Are you ready? As a whole, I am both safe and secure. Behead me, and I become a place of meeting. Behead me again, and I am the partner of ready. Restore me, and I am become the domain of beasts. What am I? Cookie jar. Cookie jar. Okay, this has been Hey Gobble Gobble!

Restore me. How do you restore? There's at least two heads that come out.

Behead me, and I become a place of meeting. Behead me again, and I am the partner of ready.

It's gotta be a word.

Restore me and I become the domain of beasts.

It's gotta be a word that has the- that has head in it. So like head quarters?

Uh, so you're correct that it's a word but it doesn't have head in it.

It doesn't?

Could you read it again now that I know that?

Yes. As a whole, I am both safe and secure. Behead me and I become a place of meeting. Behead me again and I am the partner of ready. Restore me and I become the domain of beasts. What am I?

Domain of Beasts is a zoo, we know that. Yes, we've got a zoo. So if it's Behead Me, it's like cutting off the first couple of letters.

Or the first word, or first letter.

What comes with safe? So it's like I'm the partner to safe, or ready, the partner to ready, right? Is that what it was?

Partner of ready, I'm the partner of ready.

What's the partner of ready? Uber? Like I'm ready to go. Partner of ready.

I'm ready to go? Call an Uber? Is that where you were going? That's good stuff.

I don't know. While we're trying to think about this, I want to see one final scene. Erin, I'd like you to play baby real estate agent June Showers.

June Showers, yes.

Baby real estate agent June Showers. JPC, I'd like you to play someone who's trying to get a new home. Great. And June Showers is baby real estate agent and showing you around.

And I think some of the feedback we've had for the show is people love it when we play dogs and babies, so let's keep this going.

Okay, crawl this way, please.

Okay, do you mind if I walk? Do I have to crawl? Crawl this way, please.

Sorry, I'm a little late. My two o'clock went long.

That's okay. Was your two o'clock a nap? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're a baby and you're selling me this house.

So you are a single guy, right?

Are you looking to expand your life? I'm unmarried.

Yeah, are you looking to expand your life? Are you looking to meet someone?

To an extent, that's why I'm looking for a three-bedroom, yes.

Okay, hold on. I just discovered my feet.

Okay, okay.

What are these?

Well, those are your feet.

Wow!

I feel I'm getting such mixed messages from you because I really want to trust your real estate, I mean your web presence.

Wait, your hands, I just see your hands, where'd you go? I don't have object permanence, where'd you go?

Okay, I'm sorry, I was just waving my hands behind this counter.

It's me, I'm still here.

I don't know why I chose to do that.

Okay.

Look, June, may I call you June?

Okay, or Ms. Showers.

Okay, Ms. Showers it is. I really want this place and I think that this is going to be the perfect place for me to start a family, start a life. I also acknowledge that you're an infant baby. I also acknowledge that you're one of the best real estate agents, realtors, in the country.

Yeah, I've taken, I personally, before I sell any house, I go in, I take a bath in the sink. Okay.

And this has a good sink for that?

A great sink for baby baths. Hold on, the keys are jingling! That's so funny!

I just realized that for babies, every space is a crawl space. I don't know the answer to this riddle. Can you give us a hint?

Yes, I can give you a hint. So I'm gonna change a word. Instead of restore me, I become the domain of beasts. I'll say restore me, I become the domain of horses.

Stable. Yes, it's stable. Is it just able, ready and able?

Oh boy. Behead me and I become a place of meeting? Table. Table. Behead me again, I become the partner of ready.

Oh, there is a table here. Interesting. Way to try to gaslight me and the listeners by saying there was no table in the room at the beginning of the episode.

She found the table. Oh, she found the table. Wow. I thought we had hidden it so well.

Can't believe he said wishbone was in hell.

Erin, will you pass me more whiskey?

Now we're talking Thanksgiving.

Now we're talking turkey.

And I hope that you guys have had fun on Talking Turkeys today. Hey Gobble Gobble. We can't wait to do this again next year. And by this I mean the podcast. We're taking a one-year break from the podcast.

Obviously it's needed.

It's much much needed. Get our bearings. Adal, would you like to plug anything?

Yes, so you can follow me at AdalRifai on Twitter. You can also check out Hello from the Magic Tavern and Siblings Peculiar, two podcasts I do. Please check out our social media presence with Hey Riddle Riddle. We are on Twitter at HRR Podcast. We are on, is that right?

HRR Podcast? Nope, on Twitter is at Hey Riddle Riddle.

Email, yeah. You can, this is, can you just say, take it, or toss it to me?

Oh, you want to do your whole plugs again? That's a big waste of time. Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, you can check out the podcast Hello from the Magic Tavern, as well as Siblings Peculiar. You can follow me at AdalRifai on Twitter. You can also check out Hey Riddle Riddle, social media presence, with Twitter at HeyRiddleRiddle. You can email us at hrrpodcasts at gmail.com. We have an Instagram page, we have a Facebook page, we have a live show coming up. December 3rd, Monday, December 3rd at 8 p.m.

So that'll be this week.

That's this week. No.

No. No. I fucking hate that. You're right.

No, Erin's right. That's this week. So it's this Monday, December 3rd. It's a Monday, 8 p.m. at I.O. Chicago. That's in Chicago, I.O. Theater. It's at 1501 North Kingsbury. By now, the link for tickets should be up. So please come. Please dress up as your favorite Hey Riddle Riddle host or character. Bring some paper for Erin to eat. And a pen, right? You'll drink the pen.

Oh boy.

Bring a truck for JPC to sleep in the back of. Bring your dogs if they're good boys.

Yes. No, don't bring dogs. Well, honestly, it's IOS. You can bring as many dogs as you want. And we have a Tee Public store too, right Adal?

A what?

A Tee Public store?

We have a Tee Public store, so go to Tee Public, search Hey Riddle Riddle, buy some sweet, sweet merch. Hopefully we have some more merch up by now, but who knows? But at least get some t-shirts or stickers or something.

Yeah. It's obvious that we're not recording this on actual Thanksgiving, so we're most likely all in jail. It's May 14th right now. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

Sure. My sketch show is this Saturday and the following Saturday, December 2nd? 3rd? It's a Saturday. Look it up.

Hopefully it's not December 3rd.

December 1st. Okay, it's December 1st.

My sketch show Emerald County Bank and Trust will be these next two Saturdays at 730.

If you want to message me on Twitter, not on Instagram because people were messaging me on Instagram a lot asking me, a lot of guys were messaging me asking me about my UTIs.

So I stopped opening them. Well hold on now, we don't know if that was anything nefarious.

Message me on Twitter and I'll give you a discount code. Also, if you come to the show, please say hi to me after. Don't just leave. Also, I want to say hi to my cousins because I can't go home for Thanksgiving this year. A lot of them listen. I think my cousin Tom and his wife Georgia listen. I want to say hi and I miss them and I love them. I love you all so much.

Aww. Fuck you, Mitch.

Fuck you, Mitch. I'm glad we don't see you. And baby Mitch now. I'm gonna call her baby Mitch, but she's fine.

And you can follow me at jpsofly. If you want to see pictures of spaghetti, you can follow me on Instagram at sharkbarkman. Please do not message me about your UTI. If you do have a UTI, I hope that clears up for you. I also want to give a shout out to some of the people that have hashtagged Widdleware on Twitter and Instagram, maybe?

Yeah, so these are people who bought Hey Riddle Riddle merch. They posted a picture of themselves wearing it, possibly, or with cats on top of it, or just it unpackaged, and use the hashtag RiddleWare, which you can do as well.

So thank you to at Dr. Bostrom. Thank you, Susie. At Quinton Pogratz. Thank you, Kevin. At Cenut Butter. Cenut underscore Butter. That's fun. Thank you, Kevin. At Jason underscore Gavril. Thank you so much, Susie. At Sliver Jam. Thank you, Susie, I believe. At Mess Girl. Thank you, Kevin. At of Hauntings. Thank you again, Kevin. And at I hope this is Janime. It's J-A-N-I-M-A-E.

Like instead of anime, Janime?

Janime!

I think that's great.

Thank you so much, Kevin. And I took complete guesses at everyone's gender, and Kevin and Susie are genderless terms.

Also, all the young hip kids always say at before a Twitter handle, right?

Okay, yeah, I'm sorry. It's hashtag. I want people to find them. I want people to find them and destroy them. So yeah, those are everyone's Twitter handles. Those are people that bought our merch. If you want our merch for free, hunt them down. No, no, no, no, no. I'm being told we don't want to hunt them down. We want them to live. But yeah, please tweet at us, hashtag Riddleware. And we'll probably shout out more people on future episodes.

Yeah. Hashtag Whittle Wednesdays. Erin?

What? Erin, recently we had a bunch of people ask on Twitter, hey, I think I've missed something. Why do you ask a question of Erin at the end of every episode? And why is her answer always the same? And Erin, I believe you had an answer for those people. That answer was? Jupiter! Good night, everyone.

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan, KJ Snyder's indie editing, and R.E.Parent in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily DeForest. That was a HeadGum podcast.