Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey, it's Hey Riddle Riddle, the only podcast for keevins and skeezies out there in the wide little world. And this is the best intro we've ever done, and Adal can suck on a big glass of my butt. So Adal, I have a question for you. This is JPC, the host of Hey Riddle Riddle. How do you like those apples, and could you take one every day to keep the doctor away?

That's a wonderful Boston-set movie.

And I'm Erin Keif.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Here's what I want our listeners to do. Based on Good Will Hunting, I want every listener to tweet at Apple and say, how do you like Dems, Apple? Just because the election is coming up, the midterm election is coming up. And we need to know, Apple hasn't taken a stance.

Have they not?

I don't know, they probably are liberals. It's very important for every listener to tweet, how do you like Dems, Apple? And then hashtag keeping it real.

We're telling you to be a nuisance on the internet.

Yeah, do we? Can our listeners do that for us? Can they be nuisances on the internet?

I'm Adal Rifai. Welcome to another episode of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Cause the cat's in the riddle with the... Erin, are you Old Man Puzzles?

Oh no, she lost her voice.

She's so sleepy. Don't wake old man puzzles.

I'm old man puzzles and everyone's excited. I'm excited. Okay.

Should we do some... Erin, real quick, that gave me an idea. Should we do some ASMR for our listeners as well for the people that need help like falling asleep?

I think we did that one other episode. We did one puzzle with ASMR in mind.

I think we should just do maybe some ASMR for people. And if you don't like ASMR, you don't have to listen to this part, but if you do, this is going to get you real relaxed.

If you don't like ASMR, fast forward 45 minutes and we'll be right back.

You can drink a glass of my butt. Is that what you said? But I said it in an ASMR voice.

If you take a comb and brush a cat's hair the wrong way, the cat will be very upset with you and will try to scratch your skin.

The only way a horse can die is if it wants to die.

And this is what people do on ASMR videos.

For those who can't see, Erin is rubbing her face.

That's just how my face sounds. That's not a diet coke can at all.

Erin just chewed a big piece of hardtack.

Are we ready for some warm-up riddles?

Yes, you can keep listening to the show now. The ASMR is done. We're doing warm-up riddles.

They can't hear us. They fast-forward 45 minutes. In 45 minutes, let's remind ourselves to tell people to backtrack 42 minutes.

In 45 minutes, if none of us are married, let's all eat a Diet Coke can. Let's all drink each other's butt.

Okay. Oh God. How many seconds are in a year?

One. How many seconds are in a year? Twelve. Wait. January 2nd. February 2nd. Fuck. Et cetera.

What jumps higher than a building?

Superman.

What jumps higher than a building?

420. 420 blaze. 420 blaze dab on your grave.

What jumps higher than a building?

The stock market.

On a good day.

These days. Yeah, these days. Trump in the White House. What jumps higher than a building? Super kangaroo. Oh!

We're all thinking it.

Dead stop. Dead stop.

Dead stop. Listen, there was an early issue of Superman where his powers were transferred to a kangaroo in Australia. The kangaroo wore a cape and also the shirt, but it left its belly and feet exposed. Now it could jump really high, it couldn't fly, it couldn't stop bullets, but just jumping them was its game.

Adal's eyes rolled up into his head when he said that too, like he was reciting some ancient spell.

And now the ancient gods are with us.

What jumps higher than a building? I feel like there's like, there's something very simple, easy, clever here that I am missing.

A person on the roof.

Yeah, me, right in front of you. Oh, it's a person on the roof of the building. Simple, easy, and clever.

How have you not noticed me? It's a person on top of a building, jumping on the roof. If you're on the roof jumping.

That's a better answer than this one.

What jumps higher than a building? Low building.

Everything. Buildings don't jump.

Jeepers. Dead stop. Did you just sing Zombie Nation because we didn't get the answer? If anything, we should be singing Darude's Sandstorm.

Yeah, Adal, and go ahead and sing a bit of Darude's... You're right, that was better.

One time I couldn't remember what the name of the... And so I typed it... And it, guess what?

It came up right away. Other people are just like me.

I once typed in, I couldn't remember, this is 1964, I once typed into a typewriter, which was our Google.

Do you know the mayor's name?

Do you know the way to? But I couldn't think of the Alice DJ song, Better Off Alone, or I couldn't think of her name, so I typed in Better Off Alone, and it came up with Alice DJ, and I was like, that's not it. Who else is going to be named Alice DJ?

I thought the story was gonna be like, I typed in Better Off Alone and there was like several self-help articles that were like, you would be.

Are we ready for another warm-up? What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? It's gotta be an orange parrot. What's orange? It's Chester Cheeto. It's Chester Cheeto.

Can't get enough of those Cheetos. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Donald frickin' Trump. And he sounds like a parrot. Tiny balls. Yeah, I don't like him. I don't like Donald Trump.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? And it's not an orange parrot? Uh-uh. You look so happy.

Squawk. Okay, so what do parrots do? What do parrots do?

What's orange? Parrots repeat things. Parrots want crackers from Polly. No, their name is Polly.

Wait, parrots repeat things and there was a show called Pete and Pete with two brothers that have red hair.

And there was already the strongest man in the world, Superman.

What's the word that sounds like a carrot?

Carrot! Carrot?

Carrot. I thought you said parrot. Oh god, it's a carrot. Well, the word carrot sounds like parrot.

Yuck.

Fuck me and my... Okay.

Another one? No, no, no. We have to hear some Zombie Nation.

The Chicago Blackhawks.

If you're listening and you are mad, we get it. And also, if you haven't heard Zombie Nation, or Darude Sandstorm, or Alice DJ's Better Off Alone, download those songs.

Oh yeah, give them a 19s download.

And by download I mean get on Spotify.

What is the center of gravity?

Sandra Bullock. She carried that movie. She did. She carried that movie.

And I think that old McConaughey did a good job, Clooney did a good job in the movie, but she carried.

What is the center of gravity? So it's going to be the letter A or A-V. A-V. A-V club.

Gravity.

It's V. V. Well, okay. What?

Yeah, I guess it's seven letters. G-R-A-V-I-T-Y. Fuck.

V-I-T-Y because I got it. Mask. Gravity.

What two things can you never eat for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner, baby.

I think we've done that one.

I've never heard that one in my life and I'm so horny for it.

What asks but never answers? Snakes.

What asks... What asps and never answers? Snakes. What asks and never answers? A doorbell.

What asks but never answers? My mom. My freaking mom.

My freaking mom.

What asks but never answers? Erin, serious question. Is it my freaking mom?

It's your freaking mom.

You coming down for dinner? Yeah. Yeah. Mom? Hello?

Mom?

What asks but never answers? Oh, telephone. No. A parrot. A carrot.

Carrot. Closest with parrot.

Bird. Echo.

Closest with parrot.

Parent. No. JPC's freaking mom.

Wait, what are like the questions?

What are the questions a bird asks? Polly would a cracker?

Like some of them ask, we start with W and one.

How? Who, what, where, why, when?

Yeah, but think of those.

Who, owl?

Yeah.

An owl.

An owl, you got it.

Oh, why though? Because they don't have an answer for it?

Well, sometimes why? What's your mom's name, JPC?

Oh no, that's incorrect. That was a terrible guess because my name is JPC, so to guess my mom's name is JPC is stupid.

What's your mom's name? JPC?

Alright, so we're going to get to the... Oh, but real quick, I'm serious.

What's your mom's name? Vicky. Vicky. Does she listen to the show?

I can't imagine she would. Why would she?

Does she go by VPC?

Yeah, that's not her middle name or her last name. So she goes, but she is on Twitter at JPSoMom because she made her Twitter so she could like read my Twitter. My Twitter is JPSoFly.

What I was gonna say is if she could email us at hrrpodcasts at gmail.com and send us some baby JPC, baby PC pictures.

I know she listens and I know she'll do that because she has those pictures.

Would that embarrass you?

No.

Can we put them up on our Instagram?

I looked cool as shit as a kid. A lot of people see me as a kid, and they're like, whoa, big dick energy on that kid.

And again, you know your mom listens? Yeah, well. And Erin, what's Mitch's name?

Mitch still, maybe. I don't know. Does he still listen? Yeah, he does.

Mitch is going to change his name, right?

To get in his fucking ass beat? Yeah. And he's married to Molly?

Kathleen. Kathleen. Can Kathleen send us an email with some pictures of Mitch, some baby pictures of him? I will put them side by side and you have to guess is this Mitch or JPC?

Oh Mitch or JPC is a really good game.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, we'll have to do that. So Kathleen, please send us some pictures of Mitch. Mom, if you're listening and you have pictures of Mitch, send them over as well.

Are we ready? Yes. Yeah, sorry. So these are not gonna be traditional riddles like we usually do. I'm gonna try something a little bit different. My favorite Game show, trivia show, whatever show. Whose line is it anyway? Whose line is it anyway? It's a British show called Only Connect and I'm sure a lot of our European-British listeners are gonna be familiar with this.

Well Britain's not associated with the EU.

Oh, okie dokie.

Brexit staged left even!

And you can also find all the episodes online. on YouTube. And I love it so much. Of this show? Yeah, it's very gentle and it's hilarious and there's no prize, they get a trophy.

What's the name of the show?

Only Connect.

Some might say a trophy's a prize.

Yeah, but it's on money. And I love money. But the purpose of it is to find the connection between things. So these questions are sort of in the vein, not exactly, of that. But I'm saying this now because if you are a fan of the show and you want to Send us some Only Connect style questions. Please email hrrpodcast at gmail.com and say in the title say Erin Only Connect and I will. We'll do a whole episode.

Yeah because here's what's happened. Here's what's happening. We the other day we Googled riddles and puzzles. Turns out there's only 462. And we want to keep going. We have to at least go until next Halloween when I reveal the answer to that puzzle. So please feel free to send us, like Erin said, any other type of, what would you call that, trivia?

Yeah, connection-based lateral thinking trivia.

And also I just want to say, because Erin mentioned that you could email her with the subject, Erin Only Connect, I am also looking for a husband for Erin. I've been tasked by God to find this man. So if you have a perfect connection for Erin, this is much later in life because she's spoken for women right now, but I know kind of how the future will unfold. I know a little bit, I'm not going to give anything away, but I know about untimely death.

Did he die? That actually makes sense. He's doing dumb stuff all the time.

But do send me Erin matches to the 7th line. Connect only Erin.

And I'll go in and delete them right away. Cause I don't need a man. I don't need a man or a woman to complete me. I'm fine on my own. I love being alone.

Erin was staring Chelsea Daggers.

So these questions, I'm going to give you four separate questions, and all of the answers to those questions have a connection.

Okay. Great. Okay.

So this is just going to take a tiny bit longer. I think it'll be really fun. And instead of explaining it, I'm going to start the first one, because I think you'll get it.

Oh, can we work together?

Yeah, you can work together.

Do we have to?

Yes.

Damn it.

Because I'm trying to get the two of you to get along before we go on this road trip to Disney World. No, if we're paying for Disney World, But I hate him.

He smells like it's poop.

By the end of this trip, there's going to be a montage of how you've gotten closer. Here we go.

He makes me keep drinking his butt. That's why it smells like poop.

A group of dolphins is known as a?

Aquarium. Right off the bat, first question is pod, which is what we are, baby.

OK, OK, OK. So write that down. OK. A young and eligible man might take his date back to his bachelor what? Which useful device did Alexander Graham Bell invent?

The condom. He invented the telephone.

Graham Bell invented the telephone. So we have pod, pad, phone.

The five senses are taste, sight, smell, hearing, and... Fuck. It is touch, right? Yeah, touch.

Touch. So, okay, those are the four questions.

Okay, this is easy.

Yeah, I gave you an easy one to start.

It's pod, pad, phone, and touch. These are all Apple iPhone features.

What would you add at the beginning of it?

I. I. There you go.

So you're getting it.

I didn't get it. I don't got it. I still don't understand what we're doing. You get it now.

All right, here we go. Yes. What is aerophobia a fear of?

Aeros. What'd you say? Aeros.

What is aerophobia? I thought you said Arabs. Whoa. Oh, geez. What is aerophobia a fear of?

I can't imagine. Oxygen? Yeah. No. Aero. Flying. Who knows?

All right, well, I'm actually not gonna give you the answers till the end. Great. The Antarctic is the South Pole and the blank is the North Pole.

Christmas. Self, village. Santa Claus? Uncle, the uncle. So Antarctic and Uncle Arctic. Which is my favorite, all the movies. What's the next one?

The army of the USSR was associated with which color?

Russia. Red.

Which team of superheroes battled the Silver Surfer?

Avengers. No. Fantastic Four. In one of the worst movies of all time.

Blank. Four.

Four. Fantastic. Alright, and so what's the... So the only one we got right was Red and Fantastic, right?

Well no, you got more, I just... I'm just... I don't want to get the answers.

So Red, Fantastic. What was the second question? Antarctic.

Yeah. Go ahead. The Antarctic is in the South Pole and the blank is in the North Pole.

Arctic? I'm They're all nicknames of Cuba Gooding Jr. in the movie Snow Dogs. Flying Arctic Red Fantastic.

Northern Lights. Sleigh. Rudolph.

Flying Arctic Red Fantastic.

Are those the words though? Flying Red Arctic Fantastic?

Oh, I get it. We put the letter I in front of them. I-flying, I-arctic, I-red, I-fantastic.

I-fantastic.

Although I love these questions. I'm a favorite. Can you give us a hint? The clue is a cunning animal.

Oh, a fox. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Red Fox, Arctic Fox, Flying Fox.

Aren't these cool? These are fun.

I love these.

So what these do is they make me feel stupid like I'm dumb.

And that's why I like them.

Papa's stupid for pussies. Oh, Papa's stupid for these pussies.

Here's the next one, are we ready?

Yes, I am ready.

We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat is a quote from which 70s blockbuster starring Roy Scheider?

Jaws.

If someone doesn't mince their words, they're said to shoot from the?

Hip. Mouth.

What is the measurement from the center to the outer edge of a circle called?

Diameter? Bono? Yeah, diameter. I think it's diameter. No, it's circumference. Wait, fuck.

What is the measurement from the center

Oh, it's Diane Keaton.

To the outer edge of a circle called.

Radius.

There it is. Motherfunker.

We're going to hear about that on Twitter.

Which Indiana Jones film was shot in 2008?

Crystal Skull.

The Kingdom of the Crystal Blank.

Skull. So we have Jaws, Hip, Radius, Skull. They're all bones. Bones.

David Boreanaz. David Boreanaz. It's anus. Is it really? It is. Oh no. Yeah, he gets really upset if you don't say anus.

Are we ready?

Yes. Not when pronouncing his name, but just...

Yeah, he gets really upset if you don't say anus. If you call it, if you say butt or butthole, he's like, no, it's actually an anus.

What's his Buffy character's name?

Angel. Angel. Angel. Angel. Angel. Anyway. Anus angel.

Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel.

Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel.

Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel.

Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel.

Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus angel. Anus

Who is Butch Cassidy's best friend, the Sundance... Doctor.

Sundance Doctor. Sundance Kid.

What collective name is given to the scantily clad playboy girls?

Bunnies.

Which word describes the back part of the lower leg?

Which Boy Scout group can you join if you are aged between 7 and 11? It's a wee blow. What's a wee blow?

I would like to see a scene. Okay.

Which way the wee blow?

Between the two of you. Yes sir. In your two baby animals who aren't traditionally friends. So you're different kinds of animals.

Okay. A Mary Tyler Moore and a mouse. Well we'll see.

I want someone to animate that.

Okay.

Like I don't want that just to be a dog.

It should be Riddikitty, not Mary Tyler Moore. Riddikitty is throwing a mouse in the air.

Riddikitty dressed as Mary Tyler Moore and then a... And a freeze-frame with a mouse hat in the air. Yeah, exactly.

There are two animals that are not... two young animals not traditionally friends.

Yeah, and you're just like it's so cute that the two of you are friends.

Okay, I'm gonna be a velociraptor. You're gonna be a regular baby. Here we go.

Wah, wah. Wah, wah. Keep it up. Keep wahing. Wah, I'm a baby. I'm a baby too, but a baby velociraptor. Do you know what velociraptor means? Do you? Fast raptor.

Wait, do you know that a velociraptor actually looked closer to a chicken than the creatures from Jurassic Park? You had feathers. Who told you that? Science.

Well, we'll see when I grow up.

Now what you are is actually bullshit. You're fiction my man and I'm a baby and I'm gonna grow up to be a person. I'm gonna drive a car and have sex.

I'm gonna have all these teeth and claws. I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna tear your belly open.

Cheep cheep, I'm a baby chicken and I'm here too! Slice! Slice!

Oh, you have... Was she drinking a Slurpee while she died? I'm drinking a Slice! I love Slice! Oh, you would love Slice. Raptors drink squirt. Raptors drink squirt and humans drink Slice. That's how we know the two apart.

That sounded like it was gonna be a rhyme.

Hey, you helped me slice up that chicken. Do you have a little knife? I'm a baby, of course I have a little knife. I forgot to tell you something about raptors.

I forgot to tell you something about babies. We always work in pairs. We always work in pairs.

My two best detectives, come in here. You two were supposed to solve this murder weeks ago.

We're sorry, Captain. We got in a fight. Wait. We just can't work together.

We're too baby-sweet to get along, JPC.

Oh, I thought we were solving the murder of the baby and the raptor.

No, that would make sense. It's a living.

Are we ready?

Yes.

Oh, hold on.

Claws rattle on my desk.

Are those their detective names?

That's going to be our new comic book is going to be Raptor and Baby.

Whatever happened to our old comic book?

What was her old comic book?

Angry Guy and his friend Angry Guy.

Oh, we forgot in between the warm-ups and these we forgot to kill Ready Kitty and then try and bring him back to life.

Yeah, we forgot to do that bullshit thing no one wanted to do.

All right.

Are we ready? Yeah.

The most supportive show in the biz.

Complete the name of the capital of Utah. Blank Lake City.

Pepper Lake City. There you go.

Complete this lyric from the 60s. Sweets for my sweet, blank for my honey.

Money for my homies. Comb? Sweets for my sweet, honey for my honey? Yeah, it's gotta be. Yeah, right? I'm not gonna tell you. Salt, honey.

I'm not gonna tell you. Already I'm getting so hungry. Which Beatles album has over 50 famous people on the cover?

This is Salt, pepper, mustard. Probably ketchup.

Ketchup for my sweet, ketchup for my honey.

I got it because it's a song from the 60s. It's kimchi. Kimchi for my honey.

Wait, it's not honey? No. Sweets for my sweet? And it's not honey for my honey?

It's another sweet thing. Sugar.

There you go. And so these are all foods that you can eat while asleep.

Salt, sugar, pepper, mustard. These are all things a lonely man would have in his fridge.

These are all things you can put on popcorn. What was it? Just foods?

Condiments.

Condiments. Okay, hold on. I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene where Adal, you, Erin, you just got a job at the new Cineplex, and Adal, you're her shift manager, and you're walking her through the condiment station at the Cineplex for the things that people can put on their nachos and popcorn and things like that.

Okay, so, uh, right over here, these are, um, this is the garlic, uh, topping. This is like for people who want, like, a garlic- Are you 18? Today.

Yeah, and you're my manager.

I'm your shift manager. So, like I was saying, downward shift is gonna- that's gonna be second gear.

You're the age of my grandson, and you're in charge of me?

Dab on your grade 420. What else would JPC say? Fortnite. How old are you? I'm 86. Oh, Jesus. 86.

Well, don't go knocking on my door.

I never would.

Because people aren't seeing movies in theaters anymore.

Don't you live under the stairs in that broom closet a la Harry Potter?

How dare you? What? People aren't seeing movies anymore, so you're obsolete. You're obsolete, and I'm old.

Sorry, we have a customer.

Excuse me, I'm trying to get some ketchup for my Pop-Tarts.

Help this youth.

Excuse me, can someone show me where the ketchup is? I just bought fucking hot Pop-Tarts.

Son, that is a nonsense thing to consume. What? Ketchup on Pop-Tarts is so offensive to everything I believe. Hey, you're- I'm from Chicago, so you don't put ketchup on Pop-Tarts.

Look, you're a movie theater, and you sell the Pop-Tarts, and you have the ketchup bar, so don't tell me when I can't have.

Help him out, his mouth is slowly melting.

I just got my braces off. I still have my rubber bands in. They're just around my teeth now. I bought blueberry Pop Tarts and I need to put the ketchup on. You have to help this man. I'm not a man, I'm a boy of a team.

Keep talking.

Ooh, keep talking. What are you, Ken Nicky? Heh, Greece is fun. I write YouTube, get in my office.

Oh God.

I could have listened to that all day.

Teens are stupid.

I hate them kids. Okay, ready? Yes, ma'am. Graffiti artists typically use which type of paint? Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee We've been alive for a hundred years. Which word best describes the smell of wine?

Poopy. Wait, which word best describes the smell of wine? Wine has so many different smells. Acrid?

I'm gonna keep going. A collection of grapes is called a?

Rath. A bunch. Gilbert.

A bunch?

Yeah. So what do we have? Spray, garland, bunch. And what's the second, what's the third one?

Which word best describes the smell of wine?

Spray, garland, bunch. Ocean spray, ocean garland, ocean bunch.

No, sorry, I keep shaking my head as if a listener can see me.

And this is the one that best describes the smell of wine? Sour. Acrid, acidic. Tannins.

No, it's not a specific wine, it's all wines. When you're tasting wine, and you're pretentious, and you're rich, and you say, I like this.

Oh, I detect a hint of pencils.

A Soussant.

No, this has a nice

Nose feel.

Breathy quality.

Yes, darling, this wine has a nice nose feel, don't you think?

Adal, let's, real quickly, let's get on our phones and watch sideways real quick. Let's watch the entirety of sideways. Oh, Paul Giamnani, isn't that good?

Oh, not too bad.

You got nominated for an Oscar for that. Thomas Hayden Church's butt, wish I wouldn't have seen that.

All right, so we'll maybe work backwards. Think about what the connection between the three words you have is.

Yes, sure. Thomas Hayden Church's butt. Spray garland and bunch.

What do those all have in common?

Brady Bunch, Brady Garland, Brady Spray. No. Sprady Bunch, Spray Skunk, Garland Skunk, Garland, Jeff Garland, Jeff Spray, Jeff Bunch, Jeff Bunch, Hunter Bunches of Oats, Garland Bunches of Oats, Spray Bunches of Oats.

I sprayed a bunch of Garlands on my Christmas tree. SGB, BGS, Spray, Garland, and Bunch. So these are all ways to decorate.

Yeah, and I'd say the one that you're missing is probably the hint that would make you get it.

That's the lynchpin.

This wine has a nice... Loft? No, it's a two syllable word. Air. This wine has a nice odor. I'm becoming like really attached to this very confident woman who knows wine.

This wine has a nice butt crack. Bottle feel. Bottle cork.

Well, I know a lot of things about the world.

Oh, designing women. You're being one of the women from, you're being Delta Burke.

This wine has a nice good ass.

This wine has a nice bouquet.

Yes.

Bouquet. So these are all things at a wedding. Yeah. Flower arrangements. Flowers. Flowers.

We did it. I'm so proud of you.

I am proud of you too. Well, let's take a quick break. We're going to hear from what surely is 1-800-Flowers as a sponsor or not. And we'll be right back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey Erin, you're a pretty unique person, would you agree?

Yeah, I'm pretty and unique.

You're unique.

Okay.

Or are you nitty? Yeah. What do you sleep on?

Sometimes it's just like a bunch of newspapers stacked on top of each other of like when I've been in the news. And sometimes it's JPC.

That's a pretty thin amount of newspapers. Local girl falls downstairs. What? I said local girl falls downstairs. Does it on purpose. Goes to jail. Well Erin, because of your unique pretty makeup, I don't know how to phrase this, you should be sleeping on the Helix mattress that JPC and I got you.

Yeah, yeah, I mean we know that sometimes people have been like don't sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, but they mean don't side sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't hot sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, because we know that everybody sleeps different. Well the Helix Sleep Mattress is designed for people who sleep in a variety of different ways.

And you can take a quiz And it's not the type of quiz that you can fail, so don't worry about that. I worry about that. But it's just a quiz to get to know what kind of sleeper you are.

You took the Helix Sleep quiz, Erin, and you got a don't sleep, right?

The first F ever.

You can find that quiz at helixsleep.com slash riddle. It only takes two minutes, and it's going to match your specific makeup to a mattress that's right for you.

Yeah, that's why they call it Helix Sleep, because it relies on double helix, so you just enter your DNA into the quiz, and then it tells you what kind of mattress is your soulmate, basically.

And it tells you what kind of mattresses your ancestors slept on. I mean, you'll see that in your dreams.

Yeah, that'll be something that, they don't promise that, but that is something that comes in most people's dreams.

And they have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it for 100 nights, risk-free.

They have a 10-year warranty?

Warren G. Yeah, 10-year Warren G. And 100 nights risk-free.

There is a little loophole here because they say 100 nights, but you also get the 100 days as well.

Oh, do you?

So you can sleep in the mattress 24 hours a day for 100 days.

And for me specifically, for Adal Rifai, those are Arabian days and Arabian nights. That's true. All 100.

And that's not something any of the rest of us feel comfortable saying.

And if you sleep next to a partner, half the mattress can be for you, and the other half of the mattress could be for your partner.

Or, you know, you could do three quarters. Just with sprawl. With arms and legs. But right now, Helix is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. That's $125 off. To get your $125 off at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order. Don't sleep on this deal. That's not theirs. That's mine.

I guess the way I sleep is I clutch a pillow and I kiss it.

Yeah, I do the same thing but the pillow's in between my legs.

How I sleep is, you know when you get someone in that like chokehold, like with your leg?

Oh like Xena did for James Bond in that movie?

Yeah, that's what my blankets do to me.

That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. Of course on the pillow I write, not a pillow. So when I kiss it, it makes sense.

Naturally, you're pretty unique.

HelixSleep.com. Slash Riddle!

And now back to Hey Riddle Riddle. Will Erin Keif please close her eyes?

And we're back. Let's toss it over to Old Man Puzzles.

Meow meow meow meow meow.

Toss it to the man to the puzzle and the man and the man with the puzzles got the player with the puzzles.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-

That joke killed with people that don't respect me.

Are we ready? Yes ma'am. The name of this prolific author of legal thrillers is blank Grisham.

Dog Grisham.

Hello I'm Dog Grisham.

Sam Grisham. John.

Which piper picked a peck of pickled peppers?

Peter Posey. Peter Parker. Peter Parker picked a pipe of great responsibility.

Name the heavy metal band from Birmingham, England. Blank. Priest.

Judas. Oh, these are all the Apostles. No.

The founder of Facebook is blank. Zuckerberg.

Asshole. It's Mark Zuckerberg.

John Peter, Judas, Mark. These are all... These are disciples of God. Disciples. What did I say?

Apostles.

What are the difference between apostles and disciples?

Well guess what the clue of this is? It's a very funny clue. What is it? Big fan of Jesus.

That's the clue.

Big fans of Jesus.

Judas was a big fan of Jesus.

Big fan.

I don't buy it.

And just like our fans, they're going to turn on us like Judas did.

For 30 pieces of silver. Honestly, I would turn on each one of you for 30 pieces of silver. Do you know how much silver goes for nowadays? Quite a bit, yeah. Yeah, it's a pretty penny. 57 bucks an ounce.

60 bucks, 70 bucks.

Okay, if you had to betray everyone here at this table, what would be the minimum amount? I want everyone to think of the money. So think of the average. So like for, you know, Adal's obviously lower than Erin, but think of the average for what you would betray the other people at this table for. We're all gonna say it on three, okay?

Ready?

Yeah. One, two, three.

I would do it if someone asked me actually.

I've been doing it this whole time.

I would love to rat on you as a narc to the cops.

Netflix.

Are we ready? Yes. At special occasions, sometimes drinks are raised when someone proposes a what?

Marriage. Plain bread. Toast.

Brave little toaster. What was O.J. Simpson's nickname?

Juice Freedom!

What is the name of... Hold on. What is the name for a person who murders multiple victims? O.J. Simpson. Blank. Killer. Superstar. Yeah, well yeah.

Yeah, right? Because as he did, he killed those people.

Blank. Killer.

That's gonna be... Cereal. Cereal?

If something is very flat, you might say, it's flat as a... Board. As far as JPC singing, wow, wow, wow, wow, that's how people talk in theater school. Okay.

So we have toast, juice, cereal, and pancakes, all gonna be breakfast foods. Y'all wanna hear a breakfast rap? JPC. Eggs, cheese, milk and grits, that's a breakfast for the tits.

Everyone just threw their phones into a lake.

I would love to see people all standing around a lake throwing their phones into it.

I want to see somebody living in like Billings, Montana who's like, I gotta drive two hours just to throw my- No, in Billings?

There's a lake there.

I don't know. I try to think of the most landlocked- Like I fucking know.

Oh, this one's fun.

I have a fun one. Should we save a fun one for a better podcast?

Oh, I should have said Minnesota. Somebody in Minnesota is like, I gotta drive two hours. No, I'll do a fun one. What were the previous ones?

Oh, ones to sabotage your life. I'm tired. Let's do this. Are you ready?

Yes, ma'am.

Which magical horse did Perseus ride?

Unicorn. Pegasus. Pegasus.

Which Disney film featured the song Pink Elephants on Parade?

Mulan. Mulan. Mulan Rouge.

Dumbo. Dumbo.

Dumbo. Mulan Mia. Dumbo. Pegasus Dembo.

I don't know how to pronounce this. Also known as Eros. This is the Roman god of desire and erotic love. Erotic love?

Eros.

Also known as Eros.

Also known as Eros.

That's Eros. The god of erotic love. And it's, are we sure?

I guess you could call him stupid.

Are we sure it's not JPC?

Gross. Yuck. Disgusting. No, JPC is nice. And anyone of your siblings who has a height requirement would be lucky to follow.

Lucky to have a date with me that I'll pay for 25% of.

Hashtag all the dates in the world.

Got Eros. Oh Cupid. Mm-hmm. Yes Yes, I fucking am so smart.

I don't actually don't know how to pronounce this last name, and I'm kind of embarrassed JM Barry's most famous creation Peter Pan. Mm-hmm.

Really? Yeah These are all things that fly They're fictional creatures that fly.

Mm-hmm.

You got it Well, I guess Peter Pan is not fictional and keep it to a real God.

Oh

Are we ready for another one? I'm having fun. I love these.

How do we feel about these? Oh outstanding.

Cool. I feel about these outstanding.

Here's what I'll say, but I'm fucking loving these but here's what I'll say. Okay. Let's wait to see how much people hate them on Twitter. Mm-hmm. And then we'll change it.

Are we going to be the type of people who change the way that we behave based on social cues from others? Absolutely. Yes, me, I would do that. I would change everything about myself.

If you're on Twitter, I'm at Adal Rifai. Please tell me if my shoes are okay.

To the man who stole my shoes, please tell me that they're okay. Just tweet me a picture. I want to know who it is.

I got one inch of lace in the mail and I'm so worried.

Oh my god, it's a tongue!

It's a tongue! Are we ready?

Yes.

In CB radio lingo, which word is used to describe someone's unique nickname?

10-4, grasshopper.

Good buddy. Call sign. What is that called? Handle. Handle.

A collection of shopping items on a piece of paper is called a grocery.

Paper. List.

Who invented denim jeans? Levi. Blank. Strauss.

The Canadians.

Which European city was divided by a wall from 1961 to 1989?

Berlin. Berlin? Adal, what are the words? We got Handel, Liszt, Strauss, Berlin.

Mustache types. These are all composers. Mustache types.

Irving Berlin. Levi Strauss. Grocery List.

Wait, what was it? Composers. Oh, nice. Grocery List, the famous composer.

Are we ready for another?

Yes.

Yes, please.

Who is the lead singer of the Supremes? Diana Blank. What is the term used for the self-service restaurant often found in hotels? Gas station Continental Room service Buffet Which female tennis star was stabbed on court by a

Stabby Graf.

Hold on. Stabby Graf! Which female tennis star was stabbed on court by a fanatical spectator in 1993? Reese Witherspoon. Blank Sellis, or Sells, I'm sorry.

Monica. Monica?

What is the name for a baby kangaroo?

Joey. Joey. Oh, these are all critters from Friends. We got Ross. We got Buffay. Phoebe Buffay. We got Monica, we got Joey. Phoebe Buffay. Phoebe Buffay. Excuse me, does this Holiday Inn offer a Phoebe Buffay? Fuck off. No, I just want to hear smelly cat. As I eat my flat as a pancakes, my Orange, my OJ Simpsons, I just want to hear smelly cat.

Flat as a pancake, stiff as a board, flat as a pancake, stiff as a board.

Maybe a couple more? Maybe. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. In the book, Charlotte's Web, what type of animal was Charlotte?

Peggy. Kangaroo. Spider. Hold on, I read the book. Spider?

Which massive nut comes from a palm tree called the Cocos? Cocaine.

Wait, hold on. Which massive nut?

And we're sure it's not JPC? For those who can't see, JPC is in the studio crouched ready to pounce. No, no, no. I'm kind of a kooky kid. I'd say cacao. Coconut.

What, beginning with H, do you call someone who lives on their own in a deliberately remote and inhospitable place?

Homie! That's gonna be a hermit.

What object associated with horses is also known for bringing luck?

Horseshoe. Mmm. Shoe, hermit, crab names. These are all crab names.

Crabs all day. Crab crab crab.

Crabs all day.

Crabs all night.

Dabbing crab. Gotta dabbing crab.

All you can eat.

420 crabs. Crab on your grave. Crab on your grave. Let me get that out of here. Get out of here crab.

Oh, there's a crab in my grave. That's what I get for being buried by the freaking ocean.

Yeah, we've lost it.

I really liked that.

It's 5 a.m. We've gone insane.

The sponge sugar you get at fairs is called blank candy.

Sugar candy!

Candy Warhol created the famous banana cover for which 70s band led by Lou Reed? Soup! What is the name of the much-fought-over Himalayan region between India and Pakistan?

What is the name for a piece of string used to tie a shoe? Lace and these are all my wife and if you have her please send me pictures. I haven't seen my shoes in so long Please let me know they're okay.

These are all sexy little things like a little negligee.

These are all types of material Cotton velvet cashmere lace these are all types of food that you can eat while asleep These are the four women in sex in the city cotton velvet cashmere lace. I'm a total lace.

Oh, I'm a cashmere

I'm a velvet because I'm like sarcastic.

Yeah, so tweet at us what you are in front of the show signs of the city. A cashmere, a velvet, a lace, or what is the other one? It's cotton.

It's just a bunch of fabrics on a couch in front of a fountain. On a couch, I'm sorry. It's just a bunch of... I can't talk. I'm gonna fall out of my chair again. It's just a bunch of fabrics on a couch in front of a fountain.

Sex and the Fabrics. Are we ready? Yes.

Who had to get home by midnight before her carriage turned into a pumpkin?

Oh, that was, her name was... I've had so many dates that I had to do that. Karen Osbourne? Mm-hmm.

Tragic. Who fell asleep for a hundred years and could only be woken by a kiss from a prince.

Oh, I think that was... I haven't seen Twilight, but that's Bella, right?

That's what I insist my boyfriend does, or I won't wake up. So if he's not around, I just won't get out of bed. If he's on a trip, I'm just in a bed for a week. It's awesome. Damn. Which Shakespeare love story featured two warring families, the Montagues and the Capulets?

Romeo and Juliet.

What device would you commonly use to open a hazelnut or a walnut?

Macbeth. Nutcracker.

These are all types of operas. These are all types. Plays? Of plays. Theater plays. Theater plays. Ballet. Ballets. There's a Romeo and Juliet ballet.

Yeah, and I'd like to see a scene between the two of you. And you are playing Romeo and Juliet in the ballet, but you're actually enemies in real life.

Can I be Raptio and Juliet? So I'm a raptor who's playing Romeo?

I'm going to say no.

That's fair. Thank you. Thank you.

Although I'm gonna do a walk-in as a raptor.

Perfect. So we're backstage, we don't get along?

You don't get along, but you're about to have to fall in love on stage.

Forsooth, what light through yonder window sucks?

Tis I, and you are the South. You're the fucking worst.

God, I hate you.

Anon, anon, anon. I wish I would have become a nun. Get thee to a nunnery.

Hand me my broadsword, ho.

Excuse, do you want the hoe or the broadsword? That's a line from this play.

We're gonna go on in five, but quick reminder, no dialogue in a ballet.

What's that? I'm sorry?

Just a quick reminder.

Wait, why did I learn some of these lines?

Yeah, well, just I feel like you guys really were missing the point. This is a ballet. You don't, you don't talk, but happy five.

Can I tell you something? I saw Black Swan, so don't ever fucking talk to me like I'm an idiot, okay? I saw Black Swan.

Look at that chicken. Look at that beautiful chicken.

Well, it's a beautiful chicken. It's very disappointed in itself.

All right, well, we won't we'll just say a few words. We'll make it more succinct like I will just say apothecary And what when I get stabbed I'll say ack like Kathy. Do I get stabbed? What happens to me?

Yeah, you say dagger I find thy sheath and then you stab yourself after you try to kick kill kiss the poison off my lips.

Find my sheets? Why would I need my sheets if I'm gonna stab myself? If anything I want to leave those clean so I don't bother my mama.

You should find your sheets because you should wrap yourself up in a me mommy you suck. Hey, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I'm freaking in love with you.

I love you so much.

I freaking love you so much. I love you so much.

I do want to let you know I did have a thing with Mercutio.

The music's starting.

Okay. Okay.

Anyway. Okay.

That's so rude.

I do want to say something.

I did have a thing with Tybalt as well.

With Tybalt? Yeah, Prince of Cats. Oh. I had a thing with Queen, Queen Mob.

Or she's just reference. For sure, yeah. That's also, that's, yeah, it's not really best play.

Go on to the stage? What could that even mean?

This guy's got me scared to death!

Remember that part in Romeo and Juliet?

Yeah, I have one more. How about that?

You know what Baz Luhrmann also directed?

Strictly Ballroom.

I played a Romeo in a production of Shakespeare in the Park when I was in college. I think I was 20 and the person that they cast to play Juliet was 14.

And JPC, go ahead and go ahead and give your college a hot plug.

I went to IUPUI in Indianapolis. Ooey Pooey, why not both baby? Indiana University, Purdue University, Indianapolis. I'm a graduate of college.

Are we ready for our last one? Yes. Okay. What is the collective name for a group of lions?

A bunch of lions. A tiger of lions.

Name the South American mammal famed for moving

Construction worker.

Slowly. Chicago construction. The Grapes of Blank. Wrath. Yes. Is a famous novel by John Domingo. I read that whole book when I was a junior in high school, and I think I was the only person in my class. They're like, oh, Erin, we didn't read this one. I'm legit. We read East of Eden.

I was supposed to read that one. I watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape Instead, and then they came down for the test and I woke up from the dream.

What is someone feeling if they have been gripped by the green-eyed monster?

Horny. For pussies. Oh, the green-eyed monster is the green M&M, so hungry. Yeah. Jealousy. So these are all four of the seven deadly... Skins.

I think I'm sloth. If I'm a seven deadly sin.

Yeah, if anything, I'm a total pride.

If I'm a seven deadly sin...

And you're kind of the dumb one, so you're like jealousy.

I think I'm wrath.

Actually, I think we picked good ones for all of us. Yeah. What do you think?

For the 7th of the Sins? You're definitely sloth.

I think I'm definitely sloth.

Sex and the Sin-ies.

Adal, we were all talking and Adal was trying to come up with Sex and the Sin-ies.

Sin and the Sin-ies. Sex and the Sin-ies.

Sin City.

Sin City. Is that taken?

Sin City is taken. Yes. I feel great. I feel alive.

I enjoy these. Let's do a nice little respite from our normal flow.

It's just good to get out of our routine. And honestly, we all need a vacation. I need a vacation from my frickin' vacation. Erin, do you want to hook us straight the frick up with a listener-submitted poos out?

I would love to.

Okay.

Poosers and roosers.

Poosers and roosers and poosers and roosers and poosers. Okay.

Oh boy, hold on, hold on.

No, people are throwing their phones. I was trying to support you. I just feel bad for our listeners.

They fished it out of the lake and then threw it right back in.

I'm starring this one that I just found because I love it so much. But let's do a different one.

Great radio, glad you said that.

I don't know, I just picked a random one on there. So if that's not good, then never mind.

Who's this from?

I don't know.

I don't think this person said, and I mean I have their email but I'm not giving out their email, am I right?

So let's just attribute it to Kevin A. Susie.

Kevin is in a room with two doors. One leads to heaven and one leads to hell. There are two guards in the room as well. One always tells the truth and the other always lies. He doesn't know which is which. Kevin can only ask one question to both guards. Which question can he ask to figure out which door to go in?

Kevin Conway. Kevin Conway, yeah. He asked them if he has ever seen the show Kevin Conway. So this is like an old classic riddle.

Yeah, it's from the 60s. Two doors in a room, one of them's Jim Morrison.

And I know the answer to this one the first time I ever encountered this riddle was actually in a D&D game my GM or DM Had like posed this riddle like within the game when we were like solving riddles, and I really enjoyed it, but I do know the answer What's your fucking problem? He would he would go up to one of the guys and say hey, man. What's your fucking problem?

You have to say is does the other guard lie

No, you say, would the other guard tell me?

Wait, before we do this. Yes. I want to see a scene and you're the two guards and this is like a downtime.

Do we get along?

I don't know.

One always lies, one always tells the truth.

What a beautiful day this has been.

And Monday is right?

Yes. Mondays are always a beautiful day. It's a fresh start to the new week. I have a 20 inch penis.

What to do with that?

The longest silence that has ever been on the show.

I'm sorry, what did you just say?

I said I have a 20-inch penis. Okay. And I always tell the truth. Yeah, yeah, I know. I always tell the truth. What is that chicken doing? Hold on, I know who you are. Hold on, that chicken's doing a Shakespearean soliloquy.

You know I'm married, right?

I'm sorry?

You know I'm married, right?

No, I did not know that.

Well, are you lying?

I always tell the truth. You're a handsome man.

This guy's got me scared to death. All right, JPC, I'm sorry to cut you off. What do you think the answer is?

So the answer is you go to any one of the guards and say, would he tell me that this is heaven?

Yeah, the way that he worded it is, what would the other guard say is the correct door? Pick the door that both guards don't point to.

Oh, did you, did you say that? Okay. I thought that they could only say yes or no.

Oh.

Some, some, some, in some versions of this riddle, that's the case as well. Um, where it's like, you know, you could only ask them one question and it has to be a yes or no answer. Uh, but yeah, that's.

Oh wait, you can ask them each a question?

No, it's one question. But you basically, if, if you say like, um, Riddle Nation

It doesn't say who you are.

So we're calling them Kevin B. Suzie.

Kevin A. Suzie. And their email is not a name. Let's just go ahead and read the email.

First three letters of the email.

Let's read the email.

D-A-R. D-A-R. Okay, let's dox this guy, internet.

So let's find him.

well they added another thing at the bottom which is here's one puddle for Erin which is what is 18 squared because I think I mentioned they don't like math what is 18 squared let's see that's how I felt the whole we're gonna have four mr. t's for mr. t's

Erin's close her eyes.

She's floating on the ceiling.

Her headphones are keeping her from floating away because we do record outdoors. It's 300 something, right?

I don't know. 200.

You're holding the answer. I don't, I don't, I haven't, I haven't. That's cool. Oh, what is 18 squared? I'm sorry. I don't know.

Scroll down. You got to see it. You have to see it to believe it. 324. So that's just a math problem.

At the end, they sign their name. Dar. Dar Dar Binks. No, they didn't sign anything. Dar Dar Thinks.

Well, thank you so much for sending in that riddle. And if anyone else sent in that riddle or a similar facsimile of that Rimmel. Rimmel. Jimmy Rimmel. Thank you as well.

Great.

And thank all of our fans. And the best way to thank our fans is for you to follow me on Twitter at JPSoFly. And if you're interested in any of the other things that I do, I do another podcast, the campaign podcast. I do some shows in Chicago. I do all kinds of stuff. You can find that all in my Twitter bio.

You can follow me at AdalRifai. Also check out my podcast, Hello from the Magic Tavern, also Siblings Peculiar. And please follow us, Hey Riddle Riddle, on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook. And we also have merch, so check out our merch store on Tee Public and get yourself some sweet, sweet Riddie swag. Erin?

And follow me, Erin Keif 10, on Instagram to find out about my shows. But I have a show opening really soon called Emerald County Bank and Trust. It's at the Second City in Chicago. And look on my Instagram for more information about that.

And Erin, that show, you were telling me it's at Second City, but it's not on the planet Earth, correct? What planet is that on?

Jupiter.

Boom.

Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif, That was a HeadGum podcast.