Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hashtag Riddle Wednesday is close at hand, as improvisers and workforce cats will terrify y'all's podcast apps. And whosoever shall dare try to lampoon Erin's close-at-eyes must sit through Adal's puns and barbs as JPC steals their magic cards. The foulest noises in the air, the groans of 40,000 listeners, as the solution to each riddle asked ends up being such fucking trash. Although the puzzies posed seem fine, the answers will be shitty, for no mere mortal shall resist the evil of these readies. I'm very tired. Play the theme.

Welcome to Bleh Riddle Riddle. This is Adal Rifai, and I'm Count Puzzula. Do we like that?

Count Puzzula. Yeah, that's an approving.

And my phrase, of course, is I want to suck your butt.

Oh, gosh, right at the beginning of the podcast.

Well, that's Count Puzzula's... I don't make it up. I'm just channeling Count Puzzula.

Okay, Erin, do you have a spooky name for what you are for this week?

I didn't think of one.

I thought you were going next. I have one for JPC, if you need one. Yeah, please. David S. Puzzies.

Annie Riddies. You read that off notes.

Yeah.

Yeah, fine. This is JPC, a.k.a. David S. Puzzies, Annie Riddies.

And Erin and I are a part of it. Someone doesn't watch SNL Weekly? Is that what you think the show is called? SNL Weekly?

And I'm Erin Keif and you have one for me that you want to say.

I'm

I work with kids and over the summer I dyed my hair darker.

Oh thank God you said your hair cuz what a cliffhanger.

Over the summer I dyed!

And they ran up to me when school started, they were like, Erin! And then they all made a horrible face and they were like, oh. And one girl was like, you look like a witch!

Damn. So that must have been hard for you.

No, it made sense. I look a lot more like a witch.

Well that brings us to our first, and this is a Halloween episode of course, or Puzzyween. Puzzyween?

That doesn't... So this is Puzzyween, everybody knows this is Puzzyween. The podcast is Hey Riddle Riddle.

Well Erin and I was going to say that brings us to our first segment which is going to be called Witch Court, where you as a spooky sleepy witch get to take these kids to court. So let's go ahead and pop right into that.

We've taken a day off from bitch court so this can happen. We allow witch court every October 31st.

Okay, and you are the witch on trial?

Yes.

Okay, then I'll make the statements. Don't just make big statements.

No, I thought I'd just walk in and start talking. Is that how court works?

Don't look at me, I'm a bailiff.

And I'm the woman who types so fast.

Oh, the stenographer.

No.

Oh, we still got it.

We're not warmed up. I have a question for both of you. Yeah. What is the best Halloween costume you've ever had?

Hmm. Sexy or unsexy. Well, Adal, you were wearing it, so I don't think sex is gonna be a problem!

A-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom into my life! Because one year I won a Jackie O. Lantern, which was like Jackie O., but a carved pumpkin.

Did you really?

And she had brain innards all over her dress. Interesting, yeah. That's a fun costume. No, I didn't. I never did that.

But it really does go along with the way that you're young.

All those kids know Jackie O, right? She used to be Jackie Kennedy. I, one year, dressed up as a mom, and then I had a wrapped swath of, what do you call that, swaddling. And then I had this goblin puppet that my right hand was in. So I basically wrapped my right hand in swaddling, had a goblin puppet, and then had a fake arm on my right that was attached underneath it. So it looked like I had both arms in use, but I was controlling this puppet. So I'd hold my baby and then I'd be like, do you want to see my baby? And people would say yeah, thinking it was just like a dummy. And then I would turn it and make it move and people would flip out. How old were you? Big hit. I was probably, this is probably 10 or 11.

Oh, okay.

Years ago? I'm sorry? Years ago? When I was 47.

My mom used to, like, sew our Halloween costumes.

Cool story. We're talking about costumes.

Great, and she made us Ninja Turtle costumes one year. Can we guess which one you were? I made Power Rangers costumes too.

I feel like you're a Raphael. Interesting. You would have gone for Michelangelo, but you're a total Raphael.

I'm not a Michelangelo. No, you're a Raphael. I'm probably, because Raphael is like sarcastic. Donatello's smart, that's my older brother. My little brother's a Michelangelo, and I'm definitely a Raphael. But everybody looks up to me like I'm a Leonardo.

I was a lamp for Halloween once.

From the Brave Little Toaster?

Oh no, I wish. That movie is scary, by the way. Has anyone revisited Brave Little Toaster? And that brings us to our first dead star!

You're claiming the movie Brave Little Toaster is scary. Oh, I'm sorry, have you not seen it? I haven't revisited it, why is it scary?

Okay, and I'm remembering bits and pieces because I'm still traumatized.

Oh good, so this is an incomplete memory?

So, um, uh, the radiator, terrifying. There's a vacuum that I think is scary. They fall into quicksand together. And then the blank, it's like, help!

Well, what is it supposed to yell?

I don't know. It's scary. I'm telling you. People get me out there.

I don't know what I expected, but I honestly expected for you to describe something that was scary. But what you described was like, I remember three characters from the movie and a scene.

I love just the radiator. Scary. I don't think she's talking about the movie. I think it's just life in general.

But I was a lamp and it would turn. My dad put a flashlight. It was like a headband on a lampshade and my dad put a flashlight in it. I would just be like, Oop, I have an idea!

And you were 23, 22.

Yeah, I didn't get kissed for a long time.

Didn't they base a Drew Barrymore movie on you? Mm-hmm. Ever after?

I couldn't think, uh, Charlie's Angels.

No, wait, what's the one in Boston? Fever Pitch.

Oh, Fever Pitch. Which we reenacted on this very show.

Erin, before we get into the warm-up riddles, I have to, because the three of us took a road trip the other day to do a spooky escape room, which we'll do something with eventually. But you were telling me, while we were in the car, you told me a story about the first time you watched The Ring. Oh, yeah. Which I think we need to let listeners know about. Wait, how did I miss this? Because it was before we picked you up.

Gotcha.

That was before you got in the car.

So... Now people are going to know the car ordered. I fucked up. Stupid JPC.

I was in the fourth grade, I think, when the ring came out and I was under explicit instructions to not see it. Like I was forbidden. But I went over to my friend Julie's house and her sister was babysitting us. So we fully watched it. Older sister or younger sister? Older sister. And we watched the ring and it was, it's everything I hate about everything. And it was terrifying to me.

And you were what, 10 years old?

10. And it's my friend Julie, so when we were growing up we used to just sleep over each other's houses for like a full weekend. And I think her and I stayed up for 48 hours fully. Like we could not sleep. We watched 10 hours of Winnie the Pooh after the travel. After the ring? Just to like calm ourselves down.

Cleanse your palate.

Cleanse our palate. And then I got picked up by my mom and I went home and I started taking a shower. And I fell asleep standing up in the shower with shampoo still in my hair. Wow. My mom was like, she's been in there for like an hour and a half, and she came in and she saw me sleeping standing up, and she's like, you watched The Ring!

You watched The Ring!

I told you not to, and I was like, I'm gonna be scared for a year!

Mothers, if you see your daughters sleeping standing up, know that they watched The Ring.

And I still feel like I'm messed up from that movie. That and The Exorcist messed me up.

Yeah, those movies aren't for 10 year olds. Didn't you say anytime you smell a certain shampoo?

Yeah, when I smelled Dove shampoo, I think of the ring, because that was the shampoo I used in the shower. Oh, brother.

Just some more insight into Erin Keif's scary, sleepy witch brain.

And also, Erin, thank you for blowing Dove as a sponsor, because they'll never sponsor the podcast now, and Unilever is one of the biggest companies in the world, so.

That's true. And real women. Isn't that their slogan?

What's that? Unilever?

No.

Unilever. We make products of real women.

Let's go ahead and get into the... I'll call these thriddles. Is that fun?

I don't know. Is anything fun?

Not anymore. Thriddles. Wait, what is that a play on? Like riddles, but they're thrilling. Thriddles.

Hmm. Okay.

Can't wait for Halloween to be over. Let's do this.

What else? I have also here in my notes to mention R.I.P. Riddies is Puzzies.

Oh, Riddies is Puzzies. I was going to say like R.I. Puzzies. Wow.

This is the same thing you're just not fully saying.

Welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle, the podcast where we all shit on each other's ideas.

Here we go. So the first warm up we're going to do is actually from a horror movie. This is from A Nightmare on Elm Street. Erin's eyes are closed. Wait, so this is a riddle that took place in a horror movie? No, this is just something you have to answer or suss out. So, in A Nightmare on Elm Street, that involves which villain? The Christmas guy. That's right, Freddy Krueger, the Christmas guy. So he terrorizes kids in their sleep, in their dreams, and there's a little childhood nursery rhyme that the kids sing about Freddy Krueger. It does rhyme, it is a nursery rhyme, so it does rhyme.

But does it rhyme?

It rhymes. So each line is going to have an AA rhyme within the line. So for example, I'm going to give you the first one. The first one is, one, two, Freddy's coming for you. Cool? Cool. So it's two numbers, and then the last word of the line will rhyme with the second number. Make sense?

One, two, Freddy's coming for you. It makes sense.

Three, four.

Here we go. Three, four.

You're a bore.

Three, four. Your mother's a whore. I've never seen these movies so I'm assuming, is that what he sounds like?

One, two, ready, it's coming for you, three, four, lock your door.

That's what it is.

Lock your door.

It's better lock your door, but Erin, no. Five, six. I'm gonna suck your dicks. Five, six. Yeah, because the kids in the movie have many dicks. Like one kid has two dicks.

No, no, okay, well, I haven't seen the movie.

A kid he will pick.

Five, six.

Six, what does six rhyme with? Six.

Think religion.

Crucifix.

Yep. 5'6 grab a crucifix. Grab a crucifix. Does that help against him? And next part is 7'8... Let's go on a date! Yeah, because eventually he tries to scare him and then it doesn't work so he's like let's... It's a romantic comedy. You've earned my love.

7'8... My period's late.

You're gonna hate!

7'8... No, it's my period's late. My period's late?

Is it? Okay. I'm gonna put you on a plate! Bait.

Remember, this is the kids singing and not Freddy Krueger.

What?

I've been playing this game wrong the whole time.

Is the rhyme hate?

Uh, no. Okay, wait, wait. So it's one, two. Freddy's coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab a crucifix. Seven, eight.

It might be too late.

Very close.

Before it's too late.

Before it's too late? Very close. It's already too late? If he kills them in their dreams, they don't want to what? Go to heaven. Yep.

Oh, stay awake.

Stay awake. But you have the... Awake, awake too late. Stay up. Too late.

Stay up too late.

Gonna stay up late. Gonna stay up late. Yeah.

I didn't get it.

Homestretch. 9-10. Along the same lines as what we were just talking about. 9-10.

sweet dreams little children mm-hmm 910 this is from a kid's perspective kids call themselves little children JPC so effortlessly slips into the villainous role

9, 10, when I suck your dicks! 9, 10, never sleep again. That's what it is. Nice. Does that make you want to watch the movie?

This is crazy because I just watched the movie like a day ago. I've never seen it. I've really never seen like any scary movies. I've seen The Ring, but I watched it at an appropriate age, like sixth grade or whatever.

That's what Erin was in. Yeah.

I hate horror, scary movies. I hate horror movies so much.

Here's some more warm-up. These are, I gotta be honest, it is very hard to find quality scary puzzles. A lot of them are just jokes.

If you're listening out there and you can make quality scary puzzles, you're a millionaire.

Then hit us up next year for the 2019 Riddleween.

We'll be long dead.

Puzzleween? What did we say? Puzzleween! Here we go. Here's another warm-up one. You're in a room and there's a ghost in the room, but you're the only one in the room. How is this possible?

You're a ghost.

That's what it is? You're in a room and there's a ghost in the room. This sounds like a third grader who wrote a book report. You're in a room, but there's a ghost in the room, but you're the only one in the room. How is this possible?

You're the ghost? And not only does it sound like that, that's most likely what it is.

On the website that I found this on, it says, is this worth sharing? And it has 1,020 downvotes. 1,020 downvotes!

That's so funny! I hope it's like a dad who posted that for his kid and had to go back to his kid and be like, actually, Timmy, the internet hates you. I have a question.

You have to be homeschooled.

What are the movies where people are ghosts and they don't know they're ghosts?

What are the movies?

Yeah, there's like, I feel like there's a few movies where you're a ghost and then the people are like, oh, I was a ghost the whole time.

The Sixth Sense. Sixth Sense Thunderature. There's that one.

But he knows he's a ghost, doesn't he? Yeah, he does.

What?

No, he doesn't know he's a ghost? That's the whole thing of the movie.

I don't think so. She doesn't know he's dead! I don't think so.

No, Bruce Willis doesn't know he's dead. But there's also the others, which I think is like Nicole Kidman during like Civil War or something. Yeah, Mark Wahlberg.

She's in her house and she's like, someone's haunting my house!

She's in her house and someone's haunting her and then it turns out she's, her and her family are ghosts.

Because she smothered her kids.

And the people that are haunting her are actually the new tenants and they're haunting them.

Did she have a British accent in that movie?

Um, I think so. Because I think it's set in Britain.

Is that movie any good? Because what you just described sounds bad.

I thought it was pretty good. Okay, so it is good. It's been a while since I saw it, so I remember liking it.

It's no Moulin Rouge.

Let's get down to business. Oh wait, what did you say? What? What movie did you just say? That's so mean.

Oh! Moulin Rouge.

Let's make Moulin Rouge. Moulin Rouge. Let's get down to business. I have consumption. Because you can, can, can.

Is the old lady in Titanic a ghost at the end of Titanic? She's a ghost and she's telling... Because she died on the thing. She froze to death, right? She's the diamond.

Oh, brother.

Where art thou? He's a ghost in that as well.

Oh, brother, where art thou? Yeah. Oh, Brave Little Toaster. Brave Little Ghoster.

The Blankets of Ghosts. Other people will agree with me that it is scary.

We'll see. We'll leave it up to Twitter.

We'll leave it up to Twitter, but you can't do votes on Twitter anymore.

That's right, because Trump took it away. Here we go. The man who makes it doesn't need it. The man who buys it doesn't want it. The man who gets it doesn't know it. What is it? Poop. That works for most of them. I've never seen Erin look so disappointed.

Get used to it. Can you say that again?

Sure, the man who makes it doesn't need it. The man who buys it doesn't want it. The man who gets it doesn't know it. What is it?

Killed. Yeah. I'm trying to think of spooky answers because you wouldn't say it unless it was a spooky answer.

HPV!

Oh, a gravestone.

Very, very close. A coffin. Yes, that's it. Damn it.

That's it. That's nice. That's nice.

And Erin is right too, just for JPC and for our listeners, keep in mind this is a Halloween episode so it's Riddies and Puzzies and Weegees and Zombies and every answer will be scary.

Weegees and Zombies!

What is dead, cold, hard, and surrounds a cemetery? I feel it.

Erin's butt. Dead, cold, hard, and surrounds a cemetery.

I mean, I want to say fence. What?

How is this a riddle?

Who is old, has a white beard, performs magic, but is forgotten on Halloween? Santa! Santa Claus.

I cannot believe how easily I'm getting these. But are these riddles?

No, these are riddles.

Yeah, these are kids, like, jokes for kids to tell other kids.

But they're horrifying, which is fitting for the theme. Apropos, this is my favorite one. Apropos, Edgar Allan Poe. That's fantastic actually. I can't get mad at that. Because it's great content and that's what we're looking for.

That's the first time that's happened on the show where Adal's going, okay.

You've earned my respect. I want to get mad but I can't because it's too good. Let's get down to business.

This guy's got me scared to death. That's the best part of Mulan, isn't it? I don't remember that part. It's from I'll Make a Man Out of You. Oh, from Mulan, yeah. This guy's got me scared to death.

It sounds like Lin-Manuel Miranda's like popping into Mulan.

That's three times you've said that. If you say it in the mirror two more times, that character will appear. My favorite part is that Harvey Fierstein is playing a Hun.

Oh yeah.

Right? Yeah, that ages well.

This guy's got me scared to death!

Four times. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest lady of them all? This is my favorite one so far. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest lady of them all?

It's not me, because I'm hot as hell.

For sure. 100%. Hashtag hot as hell. Hashtag keeping it real.

Hashtag Boston 8. Hashtag Chicago 9. Hashtag LA 2. Hashtag... Hashtag 8 is enough.

LA 2! Erin literally just fell out of her chair. How did that happen? Wouldn't happen to an LA3, I'll tell you that.

I'm definitely an LA2. Oh, that's fantastic.

I just fell out of my chair. Oh, also last episode Erin said, I think you said hashtag AdalTude? AdalTude. And I didn't pick up on that and Twitter was upset that nobody picked up on that, but that's pretty great. So Erin has KeifNotReal, I have AdalTude, JP has PapaHornyForPuzzies. Or what else do you have?

JPSoHorny, it's just JPSoHorny to be simple. And I'm proud of that, and I do have a mom that listens to this show, and we all do to a certain extent.

We're just going to move on from this one. So it's mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest lady of them all?

The answer is... Oh, hold on, hold on. I feel like... You're not going to get it. Well, no. Not only am I not going to get it, I feel like there's no right answer to this, because any answer that I say is like me calling a woman ugly, correct?

But you did that to me just before the podcast started. A woman, Erin! A woman!

You just called Erin an LA2, and then you're concerned about insulting these hypothetical riddle people.

Wait, I really want to slow down for a second. Did you call me a Boston 8, a Chicago 9, but an LA2? That math doesn't work out.

I feel like the East Coast and the West Coast is harder. In the Midwest, it's all easy.

What's great about me and my looks is that I'm a 1 wherever I go.

I'm a straight one, a gay dead.

We're going to move on from this. So it's mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the ugliest lady of them all?

And the answer is... Hold on, I just want to acknowledge, when I said that I was a gay dead, KJ died.

We finally got him to laugh.

Most of the community will agree with me that I'm a gay dad.

Sorry, what's the answer? No, we're never gonna hear it. I tried to say it three times and I got interrupted each time. No, we're moving on. I'm Count Puzzula. What I say goes, I vant to suck your butt.

You can punish us, but don't punish our listeners. They didn't do anything wrong.

Our listeners really want to know who the ugliest woman is. Here's what I'll say. I'll give the answer for the Halloween episode in 2019. That's a promise. I'm willing to wait for it. Here we go. We're moving on to our full riddles.

Shouldn't there be like, there's no ceremonious thing that happens in between our warm-up riddles and our regular riddles. Should we start something?

Yeah, let's do something. Let's go ahead and just say that Riddikitty died.

Oh god! Each time?

Each time Riddikitty dies and we have to resuscitate Riddikitty by getting right answers.

This is so dark!

Or else Canoe Dog will take Riddikitty across the river of sticks. The river of sticks? Paddling across the river of sticks.

We've fully sunk into this Halloween theme.

So what do we want to do in between warm-ups and the full-blown?

I didn't have an idea when I said it, which is usually how my brain works. I just talk and I wait for something good to happen or bad to happen. I don't know. I'll think about it.

Should we give each other compliments? Okay, why don't you start? Oh, I didn't have any. I just want compliments.

Well, maybe because we're so mean to each other at all times, we should say something nice.

Okay, yeah.

Someone should say a positive nice thing.

But since it's a Halloween episode, it should be inverted. So something nasty.

Yeah, so normally we're all very mean to each other, and so we're going to start saying something nice to each other. But since it's Halloween, let's all say one nasty thing.

I think I have it. I think I got what it is. And I'm expecting full support as soon as I finish my sentence.

Just so you know, I'll give it to you, but that's a really stupid thing to expect.

Each of us has to tell the other how we think they're gonna die.

Oh, okay. We should all say it at the same time.

Yeah, that's good podcasting. That's good podcasting. I love this. So we're gonna think about how we think that the other person is gonna die. Yeah. Okay.

So I'm going to say, I'll start first. Okay. So I'm going to say, Erin, a fight in Boston. Okay. Yeah. Like at a pool party. JPC, I'm going to say in Indiana.

That's not a bad guess.

I'm just going to, yeah. Cause of death, Indiana. Indiana.

Yeah. Indiana is a big cause of death. So there we go. I feel like going into Indiana, I have secondhand diabetes just from like existing in that place.

Well, let's insult an entire state. I know how JPC's gonna die. JPC's gonna be at a zoo, and he's gonna be so annoyed that an animal's being boring. He's gonna be like, wake up lion, wake up! And then the lion's gonna kill him.

Okay, now we have to see that. So JPC, you're JPC. Yes. Erin, you're gonna be the lion. I'll be the local zookeeper.

Okay.

And here we are in a zoo in Indianapolis. Welcome to the Indianapolis Zoo! Is this the best lion you have? It's the only animal we have, sir. Is this the only animal you have? JPC, you know me. Oh my god. It's me, Uncle Greg.

I do have an Uncle Greg. You really? Yeah.

Duh, because it's me.

Oh, Uncle Greg. What are you doing at the zoo?

Well, I started working here. Remember when you stole those Magic the Gathering cards? Yeah. I went to bat for you and got fired from my job as an astrophysicist. And now I'm working at the zoo.

Uncle Greg is a scientist. Are you joking? Yeah, this is funny.

Of course you're not, because it's me. Yeah. So that's what I do now. Sorry, let me put this gremlin away. I got that wet and put it out in the sunlight. Two things I shouldn't have done. So, since I'm your uncle and this... I'm sorry, did you say you got a gremlin wet? Yeah.

You got a mogwai wet turned into a gremlin.

We've done this one before.

I know, I know Uncle Greg!

Listen, since I work here, I'll let you into the cage, okay? So why don't you... Here, let me open the door. Why don't you... Let me kill this gremlin. Why don't you go into the cage with the lion?

Roar, roar, lion sound, lion sound, lion sound.

This gremlin's being a real big shit. Let me kill it.

And here's your lion. Alright. Meow! Hey lion, do something interesting. Do something interesting.

I'm a gremlin! I don't want to do this. It's a living.

That's the new way we end any scene is, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.

Adal, what was the answer to that?

Honestly, I'll say next year. I'm not saying it.

That's so mean to the listeners.

I tried two or three times and I kept getting interrupted so we're moving on.

We had to acknowledge KJ.

Because that's my personality is I get upset and I'm passive-aggressive.

This is how I think that you die. I think someone gives you a compliment that you misunderstand as an insult. You get into a fight with them and then that person kills you in an act of self-defense.

100% that's gonna happen. I'm way too sensitive. I'm a little Faberg egg of a person.

And Erin, I think you die of old age on a very luxurious bed, surrounded by a very loving family, and all of your ex-husbands, they get back together, and they do a doo-wop band, and they all sing on your deathbed.

They're all much younger than you.

These are the living ex-husbands.

It's a living ex-husband. What if we made the movie Mulan Mia?

It's a lot of singing.

KJ, can we mash it up real quick? KJ's in the studio. They're gonna mash it up real quick. Just, yeah. Do your audio work.

KJ, just real quick, put together Mulan and Mia.

They're brilliant, so they'll figure it out.

If you're a listener, I will Google the answer to that puzzle and just tweet at me and I'll give you the right answer.

Here we go, Count Pazula is getting into the full riddle. I want to suck your butt.

Here we go. This is the first you've gotten into this, Count Pazula.

We're an hour into the show and we're getting into our first riddle. So this is from a website, and I don't want to scare you, but I do because it's Halloween. This is from a website called Solve or Die. So... Ooh! The stakes are high! Oh, what if a Dracula was smoking a stake like it was like weed? That'd be funny.

Well, it would only be funny if they said something. What would they say in that situation?

Dab on your grave?

Dab on my grave! Not the stakes are high.

Well, the stakes are high is how I got to that image.

Yeah, I know. I was setting you up to say it again with the image.

I want to be cool and hip and young. Jackie O. Here we go. One day, and this is like from a first-person point of view, I should describe this. This is from a first-person point of view, and there's like two or three of these. What you're going to want to do is figure out what's so creepy about this story. So it's not so much a question as it is a story, and then you have to figure out what's creepy about it.

What's creepy about it? And the voice is gone?

The voice is gone. Great. One day when I was six years old, my little sister wouldn't stop crying. It annoyed me so much that I killed her and threw her body down the well. It keeps going. The next day when I peered down into the well, her body had disappeared. When I was 12, I got into an argument with my best friend over something stupid. He made me so angry that I killed him and threw his body down the well. The next day, when I checked the well, his body disappeared. When I was 18 years old, my significant other got pregnant. I didn't want to be a father, so I killed her and threw her body down the well. The next day I looked in the well and her body had disappeared. When I was 24, I worked in an office and my boss was very mean to me. I couldn't take it anymore, so I killed him and threw his body down the well. The next day when I checked the well, the body had disappeared. When I was 30, my mom got sick and was bedridden. I didn't want to take care of her, so I killed her and threw her body down the well. The next day when I looked into the well, her body was still there. I checked the well every day after that, but her body never disappeared.

I have a guess.

Wait, so we're trying to think about what's creepy?

Yeah, I mean obviously the whole story is creepy, but you have to figure out like what I guess there was something to solve in terms of like why did the mother's body not disappear?

Yeah.

So you're just trying to suss that out.

I have one. I have a guess.

Okay.

I think maybe He burned or like All the other bodies were ashes and then this is the one body.

He like killed in a different way I think it has to do with how he oh, it's it's a it's a the way that the murder happened well in the in the story He throws the body down the well and then every day the next day he peers down into into the well and the body's gone so he's not He's not doing anything to get rid of them Because he throws the bite on the well. So I see what you're saying, but it's not ashes that he dumps. It's full bodies. It's like they're full untainted cadavers.

So there's five bodies that go down the well over the course of this sister, friend, lover, boss, mom.

Only the mom didn't disappear.

And they actually died.

They all actually died.

They all actually died.

Although here's some of the comments on this one are just outstanding. One of them is, how can you kill your mother?

Oh, and the other ones make a lot of sense.

Yeah, you're like, I could never kill my mom. I've killed my boss before. So I'm, this is, I'm puzzled.

Does who they are to him matter? No. Okay.

Well, I guess the final one matters obviously because it's there's something different and that goes along with who she was to him. Oh, so she was sick. Mm-hmm. But you're right in terms of like who they were to him to some degree it does matter.

And does it matter how they got killed?

No.

Okay.

Hmm. So what's different about the mother? She was sick. She was sick.

He didn't want to take care of her so he killed her.

Yeah. Is it something about the well? The well is different.

It's a magical well, that's the answer.

Is it a magical well? I was thinking it was like, it was a, like, did the well just get full of bodies?

That is, in the comments, that's somebody's guess is, oh, so the water was only four bodies deep and the fifth body landed on top.

The water was only four bodies deep.

You know how you measure water with, uh, by number of bodies? When you sit down at the bar, you're like, give me two fingers of whiskey.

Yeah, so give me four bodies of well water. Oh boy. Is there a hint? Can we get a hint? I have no idea. I'm absolutely stumbling over this.

Somebody, one of his victims, loved him very much.

His mom?

His boss didn't love him? My boss loves me. I'm fun at work. Hmm.

The woman he was supposed to marry didn't love him. That makes sense because he's a murderer. Yeah, how do you know?

I said somebody loved him very much. It was his mom. His mom loved him very much. If you love someone, what would you do for them? Let them go. Let them go.

Oh, did he put her in like a put her in a box or something?

It's more to do with what the mom did for him. She gave birth to him. She gave birth to him. That's it.

Oh, okay, I don't get it.

This is a bad post. I don't get it. The mom would remove the bodies from the well and dispose of them because she loved her son so much. Okay. He never caught on to that and then when he killed her and threw her body down, she's not there to remove it, so she dead. So she dead.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, it makes sense because she rewarded kind of his behavior of like killing people throughout his life.

Isn't that a fun, spooky story? Yeah, it's very spooky. Let's go into another one here. This is another from the same site, so it's going to be equally bad. This is a way shorter story. This one's titled, Burglar. That's the name of it. A few minutes ago, I was taking a shower and I heard a scream from the living room. I got out of the bath and ran out there naked. When I got there, I saw a burglar standing over the dead bodies of my mom, my dad, and my little brother. When the burglar saw me, he jumped out the window and ran off. I'm so scared I don't know what to do. What's wrong with that story?

What's wrong with this story?

You would never touch your cell phone while you're wet.

Could you read it again?

A few minutes ago I was taking a shower and I heard a scream from the living room. I got out of the bath and ran out there naked. Naked's all pointless. When I got there I saw a burglar standing over the dead bodies of my mom, my dad, and my little brother. When the burglar saw me he jumped out the window and ran off. I'm so scared I don't know what to do.

You said shower and then bath.

Yeah, some people shower in a bathtub. That's not anything.

That's not it. I was for sure that that was it. Why would you think that has anything to do with it? I was taking a shower. I got out of the bath. Your story don't check out, asshole.

Your stories is garbage.

So it doesn't matter that this person is naked?

No.

Okay, but talk to me about what they're working with.

Although I often sit down while I'm taking a shower. Because it's hard to be a person. But you fall asleep standing up?

Yeah, it's hard to be a person and I like to... You're saying that holding a Diet Coke so I could just see you taking a shower bath with a Diet Coke?

Yeah, sometimes I just sit.

Why though?

I was told recently that that's gross.

Yeah, well, um, I don't know. I mean, it's... Why do you do that? While we're trying to solve this, why don't we... We're not trying to solve this.

We're actually talking about why Erin sits down in the shower.

Um, cause I'm tired.

Okay.

Uh, it feels nice. Sure. It's a very relaxing thing. Also, it's helpful to, you guys just saw me fall out of a chair for no reason a moment ago. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So if I'm shaving my legs or something, it's easier.

I've almost slipped several times in the tub and thought, or like in the shower, like getting out. And I thought, oh, if I died like this, someone would have to just like come and find me naked and, you know, put me in a coffin, I guess. I would hate for my roommate to come home and have to shove my naked body in a coffin, but that's what would happen.

To get in the spooky sort of spirit, why don't we, um, backtrack slightly, uh, JPC, why don't we have you play that boy who murdered and threw people down the well? Oh, thank God. And, uh, Erin, you be the mom who's, uh, on her sickbed.

Okay.

Cover your mouth. What the f- What the fuck?

But my hands are gone.

What do you mean your hands are gone? Mom, they're just in your afghan.

No, they're gone.

Mom, they're in your afghan.

If I can't see it, it's not there.

Okay, here, let me help you.

I'm an atheist. I don't believe in anything I can't see.

You're an atheist. Okay, here, let me get your hands. Here you go, Mom. See, there's your hands.

These hands can talk, but they can't.

Okay mom, I know you want to do one of your puppet shows, so you might as well just do it.

I am the left hand, and I'm the right. And the left hand says, son you have no idea what I've done for you. And the right hand says I've done it too.

Okay, Mom, look. Is there anything I can get you?

My hands are gone again. They're gone.

I put them in my pockets, Mom. Because I wanted you to feel this. See, that's my cell phone and that's $20. So call and get yourself a pizza or something because you're freaking sick.

Son, I'm probably gonna die soon. What? And I just have to ask you something. Okay. Why?

What do you mean why?

Did you hit your head really hard when you were a kid? Why have you done? I don't know what you're talking about mom. Why have you? Why?

Why have I done all the murders?

Yeah. And with our water source too. We drink from that water.

I know. It's like a convenient world.

My hands, where are my hands?

They're right here mom. It's actually, it's actually kind of a funny story. Or it's a sad song. So you pick. Do you want to hear the sad song version of why I killed four people? Well when I was but a boy, I only had one dream.

The camera zooms into this boy's face and as the camera pulls out he's on top of a Parisian rooftop. A windmill in the background.

I wanted to make people feel, but the only way was to make people scream.

Smash cut to Toulouse-Lautrec. He's drinking absinthe. Smash cut to the interior of the Moulin Rouge.

This guy's got me scared to death!

Do we have any guesses on The Burglar? A hint is that it's called The Burglar. So remember when the guy got out of the bath, he saw the burglar standing over the dead bodies of his mom, his dad, and his little brother.

Yeah, I guess is it just because it's a misnomer and this should be called The Murderer because the primary thing that happened here was a murder?

Yeah, but it's not called The Murderer, so... Is he a twin?

Nope. Oh, he's called a burglar. Oh, okay, so the guy killed his family, he was taking a shower because he had blood all over him, and the burglar came in to rob the house, saw these bodies, and then saw the murderer.

That's it. So it's not called the murderer, it's called the burglar, which means the burglar was standing, it says the burglar was standing over the bodies, saw the guy, and ran out the window screaming. Meaning he's like, I came to rob this home, this guy killed his fucking family, I'm out of here. Isn't that wild?

That's such weird timing. That's crazy timing.

Honey, you wouldn't believe the timing. Just the weird... Oh God.

So I'm robbing this... Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to see a scene. Adal, you are going to play the burglar. Perfect. You have just gotten home to your loving wife, Susie, which Erin, you'll play Susie. What's my name? Your name's Kevin. You almost fell out of his chair again. Very fun. And you're going to be telling your wife Susie about the weird coincidence that you just discovered.

Oh, sweetie. I'm so glad you're home, Robble Robble. I had the worst day.

Oh yeah?

Robble, yeah.

What happened?

I was, um, securing us some money, wink, robble robble wink, and, um, I ran into this fucking sociopath. He had killed his family.

No.

Yeah, all these dead bodies.

Well, not that you asked, but my day, I went to go kill someone to get us some money, wink wink. And guess what?

Susie, no need to wink when you say you're going to kill someone.

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

Oh, is it a wink or a blink?

Blink, wink. I went in and they had already been killed. So I guess we've both had a day.

Wait, did we hit up the same house? Let's say the house address on the count of three.

1, 2, 3, 4, 17, East Elm.

Oh, so no.

Same street though.

Oh, same street. But you were at 1, 2, 3, 4, I was at 4, 17, so we're about 30 minutes apart.

Yeah, but mine is a number that makes more sense and is easier to say in unison, so who's the assholier?

Can I ask you why 1, 2, 3, 4 makes more sense?

Because that's an easier number to say in unison if we're just someone's trying to say a number randomly.

But we're trying to say the right address. We're not trying to sync up. You have to stop watching Moulin Rouge.

I can't help it.

You know what my favorite part is? What? Eddie Murphy's that little dragon.

Mmm.

Oh yeah.

Mooshu?

What's his name? Mooshu. Nah, I want Chinese food.

Oh god.

That's a type of pork.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not being racist.

I know. It's a type of pork. I know. I don't want a divorce.

Me too.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Rubble rubble.

This guy's got me scared to death.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I promise I'll only do that in this episode. In the rest of the episodes, I'll do my other favorite lines from Disney movies.

For example... No, save him! Save him! No, save him! I got so nervous! Wait, Eddie Murphy plays a dragon in Mulan? And he plays a donkey in a Shrek? Yeah. And he plays the Golden Child in the movie The Golden Child?

That's right! No, he doesn't play the Golden Child. No, he plays Bo Finker. Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with more Riddies, Puzzies, Ouijies, and Zombies!

You're listening to Hey Riddle Riddle with Adal Rifai, John Patrick Coan, and Erin Keif.

Hey Erin, you're a pretty unique person, would you agree?

Yeah, I'm pretty and unique.

You're unique.

Okay.

Or are you nitty? Yeah. What do you sleep on?

Sometimes it's just like a bunch of newspapers stacked on top of each other of like when I've been in the news. And sometimes it's JPC. That's a pretty thin amount of newspapers.

Local girl falls downstairs. What? I said local girl falls downstairs. Does it on purpose. Goes to jail. Well Erin, because of your unique pretty makeup, I don't know how to phrase this, you should be sleeping on the Helix mattress that JPC and I got you.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we know that sometimes people have been like, don't sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, but they mean don't side sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, don't hot sleep on an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, because we know that everybody sleeps different. Well, the Helix Sleep Mattress is designed for people who sleep in a variety of different ways.

And you can take a quiz, and it's not the type of quiz that you can fail, so don't worry about that. I worry about that. But it's just a quiz to get to know what kind of sleeper you are.

You took the Helix Sleep quiz, Erin, and you got a don't sleep, right?

The first F ever.

You can find that quiz at helixsleep.com slash riddle. It only takes two minutes and it's going to match your specific makeup to a mattress that's right for you.

Yeah, that's why they call it Helix Sleep because it relies on double helix. So you just enter your DNA into the quiz and then it tells you what kind of mattress is your soulmate, basically.

And it tells you what kind of mattresses your ancestors slept on. I mean, you'll see that in your dreams.

Yeah, that'll be something that... They don't promise that, but that is something that comes in most people's dreams.

And they have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it for 100 nights risk-free.

They have a 10-year warranty?

Warren G. Yeah, 10-year Warren G. And 100 nights risk-free.

There is a little loophole here because they say 100 nights, but you also get the 100 days as well.

Oh, do you?

So you can sleep in the mattress 24 hours a day for 100 days.

And for me specifically, for Adal Rifai, those are Arabian days and Arabian nights. That's true. All 100.

And that's not something any of the rest of us feel comfortable saying.

And if you sleep next to a partner, half the mattress can be for you and the other half of the mattress could be for your partner.

Or, you know, you could do three-quarters. Just with sprawl. With arms and legs. But right now Helix is offering up to $125 off all mattress orders. That's $125 off. To get your $125 off at helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for up to $125 off your mattress order. Don't sleep on this deal. That's not theirs. That's mine.

I guess the way I sleep is I clutch a pillow and I kiss it.

Yeah, I do the same thing but the pillow's in between my legs.

How I sleep is, you know when you get someone in that choke hold with your leg?

Oh, like Xena did for James Bond in that movie?

Yeah, that's what my blankets do to me.

That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. Of course on the pillow I write, not a pillow. So when I kiss it, it makes sense.

Naturally, you're pretty unique.

HelixSleep.com Slash Riddle!

And now back to Hey Riddle Riddle. Here's Adal and Erin and GPC.

Bweh! Welcome back to Bleh Riddle Riddle. I'm Puzzula.

And I'm like David S. Pumpkins or some shit. David S. Puzzies. Yeah, I guess I'm David S. Puzzies.

And I'm something with dabbing?

You were, no, because you hated that. And you gave yourself Scary Sleepy Witch. Yeah.

Scary Sleepy Witch. Spooky.

I said Scare and Keif and you said Spooky Sleepy Witch.

Scare and Keif makes the most sense, I suppose.

I wanted to have a fun Halloween name, but there's no good one for John Patrick Coan. Like, it's just like John Patrick Moanen.

Moanen. Moanen. Like Moana? What's your favorite line from Moana?

I'm a little chicken! That's my favorite line. You ain't never had a friend like me. I like, and no one leaves. That's not a funny one though.

Is that part of a song?

Yeah. It's the opening song about living on the island and no one leaves. I saw Moana in the theaters three times.

So good.

So good.

My favorite part of the movie is when she flips her hair and her hair goes in front of her face.

That's a pretty fun story. That's your favorite part of the movie?

Yeah, I think so. It made me laugh out loud in the theater filled with kids.

How many times do you cry?

Oh, a bunch.

I cry twice.

Yeah, there's like, I feel like two crying, which is the water parts. Yeah.

And the grandma.

Oh, the grandma. No, I can't do it.

Welcome back to Podana, your podcast for all Moana related things.

That's fun.

What can I say except you're pussies? That's gotta be 14, 15 times.

I'm sorry.

At this point you have to hit 100.

A hundred bad guys with swords. That's the best line I've heard.

Mine is, uh, but I think he's rather tasty.

That's by far the best part.

Yeah. Cause those old ladies are horny as hell for that young, young boy and his monkey. Do they wanna fuck him or eat him? What's going on there?

Is that what she sounds like? Wanna fuck a kid? Wanna eat a kid?

Uh oh, that's not a good soundbite. Yeah, I gotta say, there used to be a part where they eventually, in the movie, cut to Aladdin's song, but there is a version where they stay on the women, and it says what JPC just said, but then they put that in the vault.

It's terribly upsetting those women.

I'm going to do one more. What do we think? One more and then I have something special planned. Okay, well how would we know? What do you think? This one is called... I won't say what it's called. Here we go. I was walking home last night when I felt the urge to poop. I had to use a creepy old public bathroom. It was down at the end of a street full of abandoned houses. Very spooky. I went into the bathroom, opened the door to the first stall, and peeked inside. There was graffiti on the walls. On the right it said, this bathroom is haunted. And on the left it said, this writing will change. Creepy, huh? I went into the stall, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. While I was pooping, I started thinking about this strange graffiti. Maybe I'm superstitious, but I just had to take another look. On my right it said, this bathroom is haunted, and on my left it said, this writing will change.

Hmm.

So if the writing doesn't change, that means the bathroom isn't haunted, right?

Solve. Solve for poop. So was he not wearing underwear? He pulled down his pants and began to poop? Or is he pulling down his pants, sitting on the toilet and shitting in his underwear?

I think the last 40 minutes have proven that you are a pervert.

No, I just know my riddles. I'm taking you to pervert court.

I don't know. I don't want to make you read it again because it was long. Can I maybe read it off your phone while we talk about it?

No.

Because there's like a part in it there I missed.

Here's what you need to know. When he's looking into the stall, on his left it says, this stall is haunted, and on his right it says, the writing on this wall will change. He gets a little spooked, he pushes through, he sits down, starts to do his biz.

Pooping.

Then he looks again, because he's curious, and on his left it says, this stall is haunted, and on the right it says, the writing on this wall will change.

Is it just a perspective of him turning around when he's pooping? Oh my god, he's doing an upper decker. This makes sense. Bless you.

JPC!

I'm trying to suck up to Erin's family. Bless you, Mrs. Keif. So he is doing what I do when I shit in a public bathroom, which I would never shit face. I always face the tank. I straddle my legs around and face the tank.

Which is also good advice for when you're pitching a new idea on a show. Face the tank? Yeah, always gotta face the tank.

Or if you're in Tiananmen Square.

Oh.

I wanted to say too soon, but too late.

Something about a mirror. Being upside down. Wait, no, am I crazy?

JPC, you got it. Yeah, the left and the right, and then he turns around and it's the right and the left.

So when he's facing this doll, one's on the left, one's on the right. When he goes inside and sits down, it should be swapped, but it's the same, meaning that it did change.

What an awful way to be haunted. That's like, what ghost is like, you know what my whole thing is? I do this thing on the walls where I change the words. Just go to heaven. If that's what you're doing on this earth still, just go to heaven.

All right, let's see a scene. JPC, you're going to be St. Peter, who I believe guards the gates to heaven. Yeah, well that's what I believe too. And Erin, you're going to be a ghost who has been haunting public toilets for a long time and has eventually kind of figured it out, and now you're trying to get into heaven. And we start in heaven.

Whoo! It is good to see you. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Can I stop you right there? Yep.

I see people here all day every day. That's my whole life.

Absolutely.

I've never seen an entrance like that. Who the hell are you? I'm St. Peter.

Oh my gosh, hi, hello. It's so good to meet you. I've heard so much about you. I have a reputation. Yeah, you're actually sort of the first celebrity I've ever met before. No way. Yeah, you're very normal though. It's good to meet you.

Okay, thank you.

Tell me, I know people probably ask you this all the time. Please. Who is just the most famous or surprising person you've turned away?

Hitler. Yeah, it's Hitler. He comes about every day with a new little disguise on. He got pretty close one time, he was delivering bread. But I was like, wait a second, people don't deliver bread. And I pulled off the mask and I was like, get out of here, Hitler.

Good, that's great.

Yeah, keep him out. That's my number one job is keeping Hitler out of heaven. I'm sorry, your name? Oh, no, it begins with an O. Let me just go to my O section.

St. Peter, St. Peter. It's me, St. Gabriel.

Oh, yes, St. Gabriel.

Do you not know who that is? No. She goes by O, but her first name is Jackie.

Oh, I'm sorry, this is Jackie O? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah, and we're making it so one of our prized first ladies has been stuck in bathrooms for many years. Just a woman who had a really traumatic experience and handled it with a lot of grace and tried her best.

And she married a shipping baron later, huh?

Yeah, so we're gonna have it so she's been stuck in bathrooms.

For sure.

She was really smart and lovely in her own regard.

Jackie, I'm sorry. St. Peter, St. Peter, I'm so sorry. I'm mistaken. That's Hitler in a costume.

Really? Excuse me, Jackie, because I have a sneaking suspicion, Gabriel, that you told me that you were going down to Earth to do some business. Let me just wrestle... Hitler.

You caught me. You go to hell. That guy's got me scared to death.

Get me out of here. Thank you for watching. They also show some of his report cards. Kennedy's? From the White House? Yeah and he like didn't do well in some places.

Oh I can imagine that's true. Well his family had ties to the mafia so he can just skate on by. Yeah also he's a fucking Catholic which don't even... The only Catholic president. We're going to move on to a section I call Brains Teasers.

That's the first good thing that we've done.

Quick, one more time, just speaking for the listeners. Adal, do you want to tell us the answer to that riddle so we don't get a bunch of people really mad at us?

No, we'll hold off until next time. If you dress up as Sexy Old Man Puzzles, or Old Man Puzzles, or Sexy Riddikitty, or Sexy Canoe Dog, or Sexy Kid Riddles, I will tweet out the answer.

Can they just do it?

Oh, you're right. No, you're totally right. You're absolutely right. I was making a joke and then I realized the implications of what I'm saying. So yeah, just regular. Remove the sexy. Just make it regular.

And I would like to say, Erin said, that we promise our listeners one thing. The only thing that I've ever promised our listeners is that I will go on a date with one of your siblings and I will pay for 25% of the date.

And then I'm gonna break their freaking heart.

It must be within a week of their birthday. I could do one week on either end. And I don't care about the gender of the sibling. I do have a height requirement.

Ladies and fellas, ladies and fellas, listen up because you know the whole time he's going to do Isle and Alda. That's a promise. That's a Hey Riddle Riddle guarantee. So let's move on to this section. Like I said, it's called Brains Teasers. Nobody's having fun with it. What am I supposed to have fun with a segment name? So each one is going to be like three seconds tops. So really, first thing that comes to mind, I'll allow a quick answer from each of you. Sometimes there won't be time. Sometimes you might get it and we'll move on immediately, but this should be very quick.

You're going to say the movie and we're going to say the character's name?

I'm going to say the character you tell me what movie they're from. Gotcha. Here we go. Pinhead.

I don't know.

Bowling for soup.

Sewing. Scary sewing.

Hellraiser. Norman Bates. Psycho. Ghostface. Wu-Tang, the documentary. It's from Scream. Jack Torrance. Jack Reacher. That is the lead villain from Jack Reacher. And also The Shining. Hannibal Lecter.

Hannibal.

Silence of the Lambs. Both correct. I got it. Chucky.

Chucky. Rugrats.

The two scariest things as a kid. Brave Little Toaster and Rugrats. Rugrats scared the fuck out of me.

Chucky is Bride of Chucky.

Child's Play. Leatherface. Field of Dreams. Oh boy. Leatherface, Erin?

Mulan, Mulan Rouge.

Wait, wait, wait. Leatherface is... Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Fuck!

Here we go. Jason Voorhees. Friday the 13th. Lark Voorhees.

Friday the 13th?

Nope. Friday the 14th. Lark Voorhees. Friday in Space.

Friday.

Next Friday with Ice Cube. She played Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell. Damn it. Freddy Krueger.

Nightmare on Elm Street.

Freddy got fingered. Nightmare on Elm Street is correct, Erin. Go ahead and both of you recite back to me that nursery rhyme.

1, 2, 3, 4, your mom's a whore. 5, 6, pick up sticks. 7, 8, don't wake up too late. 9, 10, never sleep again. Here we go, Michael Myers.

So I'm married to the expert mirror? Nope, it's Shrek. Other Michael Myers. Halloween. Pennywise.

It. Jigsaw.

Starscream. Ellen Ripley. Ripley's Believe It or Not. Samara. Lion King. Buffalo Bill. Seth Phillips, Patrick Bateman, American Psychohistory X, Sidney Prescott. Some of these aren't villains. Sidney Prescott. Damien Thorne. Sounds like a porn name. Ash. Pokemon.

Captain Spaulding.

Boats. The Xenomorph.

I don't know. Xenowarrior Princess. No! Alien!

Mm-hmm. Annie Wilkes.

Annie Wilkes. I don't know. Binfold 5. The Thing.

That thing you do. What was it? That thing you do. Remember that thing you do when they're like, you, doing that thing, and then all of a sudden that thing pops out of his chest with the head?

Wait, Adam Sandler.

No, that's Cousin It. The thing should be the easiest one to get. The thing. That's what I said.

Did you?

I'm so sorry. I missed it. Lubbin. Lubbin or Lublin. It's pronounced two different ways. McLubbin. Superbad. The Leprechaun. Hal 9000.

Oh, 2001 A Space Odyssey.

Yep. Now we're going to move on. Pretty good job.

Now we're going to move on to... No way that that was a good job.

We're going to move on to, these are lines, famous lines for movies. You have to tell me what movie this line is from.

Okay.

Are you saying Lion? Famous lines, so like Mufasa would be from Scar.

Oh wait, I truly wasn't listening.

I'm gonna keep going, you gotta figure it out.

These are famous lines.

Why are you mad at me? Tell me what it is. Erin, you weren't listening and you're mad at me?

Just tell me what it is.

I'm gonna say a line from a movie. You have to tell me what movie it's from. So example, if I said I see dead people. Sixth Sense. Sixth Sense and Sensibility. What was the joke you made? It was pretty good.

Sixth Sense and Sensibility, that's pretty good.

Sixth Sense on the Retro, which is great.

Kill me under the milky twilight. Lead me under the moonlit night.

Dead the whole time. No, it has to be... Here we go. Wendy, darling, light of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. Gonna bash them the right... I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in.

Oh, Wendy, that's Peter Pan.

Her name is Wendy Darling.

It's from Hook.

That's from Hook?

No, it's from The Shining. But her name is Wendy Darling. Yes. My sickness. Okay, what's my sickness, mom? Know what these pills are? These pills are gazebos. They're bullshit.

That's definitely from a Puddle of Mud song.

No, that's Papa Roach. That's from It. That's from It? I met this six-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face and the blackest eyes, the devil's eyes.

The Exorcist?

Halloween. I'm your number one fan. I'm your number one fan. I'm your number one fan. Hey Riddle Riddle live show. Swim fan.

Uh, close. Swim fan?

No, fan swim. From Misery.

Oh, Misery. Oh, Misery's good.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yep.

Oh yeah. That's from Friday the 13th. Here we go. In the morning, I'm making waffles. It's Mushu from Mulan. Groovy.

Austin Powers.

Groovy. I don't know. Evil Dead 2. Do I make you horny, baby? I like gold. You should both get this. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.

Friday the 13th. No, Nightmare on Elm Street.

There you go. Seven days. Seven.

The Ring! Dove shampoo, dove shampoo, help me.

What's your favorite scary movie? That's from Scream. That's from Scream. What's your favorite scary movie? Scream. Scream. A boy's best friend is his mother. Psycho. Not my gumdrop buttons! Shrek. Handyland? That's Shrek. That's Shrek again? Get away from her, you bitch. Shrek. It's from Aliens.

Oh yeah!

Your mother sucks cock in hell.

That's Con Air.

That's what JPC said earlier. That's Con Air. That's from Exorcist. Oh, that's right. Yeah, because of the little girl with filthy mouth. I hate that movie. Come and play with us, Danny, forever and ever and ever.

Oh, Grease.

The Shining. Smile, you son of a bitch.

I don't know. Is that another one from Alien?

Smile, you son of a bitch. No, but it's a very similar delivery. Here's another one from the same movie. That's some hat, Harry. When Harry Met Sally. Yep. When Harry Met Hattie. When Harry Met Spooky. What is this movie? It's from Jaws.

Jaws is good.

Yeah, it's about boat. Let's just do ten more. We're gonna do two more here. Okay. I'm sorry, we're gonna do three more. Great. Goddamn foreign TV. I told you we should have bought a Zenith.

Oh, Vegas vacation.

That's what it is, gremlins.

Damn it.

If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

My dad?

Hellraiser. Yeah, I was right. Wolfman's got nards! Teen Wolf. Monster Squad. What's Monster Squad? It's a movie about kids who collect a squad of monsters and then fight. Pokemon? Mm-hmm. Good. What do we- everyone's looking at me with furrowed brows.

Those work hard.

Yeah.

I don't- also I've never seen like any scary movies.

I feel like that is a cool format though, and I would love to do that with movies I wish I knew better, I wish I knew more.

Well, maybe we'll do it sometime with... Regular movies? Better movies. Romantic comedies, please. Romantic comedies. I also had a section that we didn't get to and we're not going to. Okay. But it was the taglines for movie posters. So when the movie was in theaters, this was what was on the poster.

Do you want to do a couple of them?

Yeah, let's do a couple.

As a couple?

You two will be a couple and you have to answer them together at the same time. So almost like 1, 2, 3, 4 Elm Street. Here we go. And some of these you should be able to just kind of suss out even if you haven't seen it. They're all spooky movies. The monster demands a mate.

Bride of Frankenstein. Yes.

Sorry. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. Jaws 2. Yeah, Erin got it. In space, no one can hear you scream. Space Jam? No. It's Space Jam. Someone please photoshop a movie poster of Space Jam that says In Space. No, it should say In Space No One Can Hear You Jam.

Also, that would have been a great tagline for a space jam.

Is it Alien, Ellen? It's Alien. Did you just call me Ellen? I thought you called me Ellen. I was gonna start dancing.

It's Alien, right? Yeah.

So that was In Space No One Can Hear You Scream. The next one is In Space No One Can Eat Ice Cream. This movie was directly making fun of Alien. Good Burger, too. Killer Clowns from Outer Space. What? Here's one of my favorites, and the words I'm going to say are spelled differently. They're homonyms, but they're spelled not the way you normally would say them. Okay. This tagline is, exercise your rights. Exercise. But exercise and rights are spelled the spooky way. Exercise your rights.

Exorcism.

My sister loved this movie.

Exorcism something.

Think of my sister. Think of Saidiya. Saidiya. What movie would Saidiya like? What spooky movie would Saidiya like? When she was a teenager. Oh, when you're at camp you do arts and craft.

The witch is spooky and sleepy.

Here's a good one. This one's semi-spooky. Okay. This is not really a horror movie, but it's semi-spooky. Tagline is, his story will touch you even though he can't.

Oh, ghosty. Casper. Is it Casper? Edward Scissorhands. Oh yeah, he also can't touch you because he's a ghost.

The greatest fairy tale never told. The Greatest Fairytale Never Told. That's from Shrek.

Oh my god, we keep falling for it.

And the last one. You Can't Get Rid of the Babadook.

Babadook.

From Babadook. Baba don't duke, I'm keeping this baby.

Doing that thing you do.

Baba that thing you do.

I like how you said, Baba don't duke, I'm keeping this baby, which is like, those aren't the lyrics at all.

Isn't it? Papa don't preach.

Oh no, it's I'm in trouble. Yeah, they just give away the ghost.

I have to pee and it's an emergency. I'm sorry. I've been trying to hold it.

Well, we're doing the outro.

It's like that bad.

Well that wraps up our Halloween episode. We hope you had fun. No, we hope you had murder! What's the opposite of fun? Murder! We hope you got spooked. I can't urge you enough, please tune in next year for our 2019 Puzzleween episode because you are going to get the answer to a very terrible question.

I tried to bail you out so many times.

We're on Twitter at HeyRiddleRiddle. We're on Instagram. We're on Facebook. You can email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. People have been sending us so many riddies and puzzies. Please continue to do so. But also, if you don't have a riddy or puzzy and you just want to say hi to us, if you want to tell us if you're enjoying the show, please do. Because I feel like we get people who say that, but it's mostly along with puzzles and riddles. Please just reach out to us and let us know that you're listening, if you're enjoying it, or any comments you have, any notes for JPC, whatever you might have.

Never wait too long before you tell someone that you love them, because I did that once. And I went to, I knocked at her door, and I said, hey, I wanted to tell your daughter that I love her. And she said, you're under arrest. Well, no, and the woman said, my daughter's been dead for a hundred years. Yeah. Yeah. She's a ghost. She's a ghost. She didn't know though. She didn't know.

Didn't know I picked up a graveyard. But the moral of the story is, always tell ghosts you love them. You can also buy merch. We have merch now. You can buy that at www.tpublic.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. We have some Kevin and Susie and Riddies and Puzzies shirts. Please snatch those up. We're going to be selling some more stuff soon. And we've also been talking recently about possibly doing some live shows, so if you want to bring us out to your city, here's our demands. We gotta have working chairs.

You have to have a friend named Dave and I have to be able to sleep in his truck!

And you have to bring a dog to the show that has to be a good boy.

It has to be a really cute dog, or a picture of your dog.

Or a picture of your dog.

Don't forget the paper from episode 6, 7? Oh, yeah. That, uh, I'm gonna eat the paper and drink your pen.

Paper for Erin to eat, a pen for her to drink.

Oh, you gotta cash that check. Yeah, I'm going to. JPC, you just got a new dog, right?

I did, yeah. How's Spaghetti? She is a delight. She's an absolute delight. I can't wait to go home and have a big bowl of spaghetti, if you know what I mean. Does she talk yet? She's a dog.

So yes.

She's a dog, not a witch, though she never will. But no, she does know sit and down.

I am Count Puzzula. I have been played by Adal Rifai. You can check out my podcast Hello from the Magic Tavern, Siblings Peculiar, which is a podcast I do with my sister, Sadia, who loves the craft. Big Farrukha Balkh fan. Is that her name? Could be. From Return to Oz. And yeah, come check out World News Tonight at IOW Chicago and have a wonderful Halloween!

I'm a spooky sleepy witch and my name is Erin Keif and I am in a sketch show that I wrote that I'm really proud of called Emerald County Bank and Trust that's going to be at Second City in November starting November 17th and it's at 730 but follow me on my Instagram Erin Keif 10 and I'll all informations about all informations oh no All information about my shows and stuff will be on there.

Can I say when you got a little flustered you were looking right at JPC and it seemed like your brain was saying something like your brain was saying that you were upset about JPC or like you were frightened or what was your brain saying? This guy...

A hundred bad guys with swords!

Bump set, deflate the ball.

This guy's gonna scare the death!

And I'm David S. Rittes, or Spooky Puzzle Man, Papa Horny for... we're all part of it, if you... Whatever, fuck that guy. If you want to check out anything that I do, just follow me on Twitter at gpsofly. All my stuff, all my plug-in stuff is in my bio.

What about your glades?

Oh yeah, plug it in, plug it in.

As we leave you, Erin, I'm really sad to say that Riddikitty is dead. We didn't resuscitate Riddikitty. Where do you think Riddikitty's soul went?

Back into its body. Riddy Kitty's alive again! Riddy Kitty!

Riding on the wall.

I picture Riddy Kitty as like a Mary Tyler Moore type. Like a working gal who's throwing her hat up into the air.

She throws a mouse up into the air.

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna solve it after all. She throws her mouse up into the air!

She eats the mouse! And puts it back on her. She puts a mouse in her! She wears the mouse as a hat!

Okay, so everyone who drew Riddikitty drew her wrong. She's got a mouse for a hat.

Let me try this again. Erin, in space no one can hear you jam, except for one planet. Jupiter! There it is.

This has been Bleh Riddle Riddle, evoked by Adal Terrifai. Starring Scarron Keif, And John Patrick Coan, he's scary enough. Casey Spiders did the editing. And Cardi Gareth on the theremin. Logo created by Emily Cardedras and Emma Stein-Mortis. 1, 2, 3, 4, Bleh Riddle Riddle!

That was a HeadGum podcast.