Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

A riddle for you. What podcast features Adal Rifai, JPC, and Erin Keif?

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Erin, we rehearsed this.

Oh, sorry.

It's Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

This is the third take we've done. We had a three hour tech. I catered barbecue. I'm broke.

Hey, by the way, don't cater barbecue before a three-hour take. Everyone was in such gastrointestinal discomfort.

But the lighting is just right.

Oh yeah.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle.

I'm JPC.

I'm Erin Keif.

And I'm Old Man Puzzies.

Hi everybody.

But taking on the role of Old Man Puzzies today will be Erin. Oh yeah, Erin, you're Old Man Puzzies today.

I'm Old Man Puzzies today. This is my impression of Old Man Puzzies. Look how old I am. Oh, my name's Adal and I'm very very old. It hurts to be me.

I'm so old. Adal, weren't you saying that you injured yourself breathing in deeply?

Yeah, I had a sharp inhale because I was surprised by a pigeon and then I was in the hospital for seven months.

Erin and you and I will be young forever and we're the same age. We're both just frickin kids. Yeah, baby.

And I'm old man puzzled. Anyways, I'm only in puzzles today, so I'm going to be in charge of the riddles and the puzzies.

I had my phone locked.

And your phone locked, and it has some of my rizzies and puddles. Are we ready?

So these are some warm-up puzzles.

I'm going to give you a few warm-up puzzies and riddies. Okay. And let's see how you're doing. Some of them are really easy, so let's do this.

Gotcha.

Flat as a leaf, round as a ring, has two eyes, can't see a thing. What is it? Can you wait till I finish?

It is Adal's butt. I immediately regretted doing the joke insert because I was not listening.

Also, I don't sound like I should be taken seriously when I rhyme.

For sure.

I lose all pride.

Which is why your rap career is flailing.

Flat as a leaf, round as a ring, has two eyes but can't see a thing. What is it?

Raccoon. Flat as a leaf, round as a ring, has two eyes, can't see a thing. Acorn. Two needles. Flat as a leaf. Hurricane.

Flat as a ring. Round as a ring. Round as a ring. Has two eyes. Has two eyes.

What has... I mean, it's gotta be two needles. Dude, I got it.

What is it? Quarter.

It's a penny.

Nope. That actually probably, that works.

With like a president's face on it?

That absolutely works, but that's not the answer here.

Stamp. No. The round stamps. Those new round stamps. Yeah, round stamps. That all those kids are craving.

Your hint is the eyes aren't what you and I would consider eyes on a person. Oh. So it's not like a picture, like a coin or something.

The eyes have it. So it's a word with two rings.

What's a thing that has eyes?

Hurricanes.

Or holes.

What's a thing that has holes?

Flat as a leaf, round as a ray, has two eyes but can't see a thing.

I like that you have to maintain this, where you ask every riddle as if you're a troll bridge.

Troll bridge? I'm the bridge? I'm the bridge?

Listen, we've all run across a bridge troll. What I did... But that's not the same thing as a troll bridge. What I did was I misspoke to her. Pay the troll.

You gotta pay that troll. I think I'm right with a quarter and so that's the answer I want to give.

That's acceptable because it works.

A coaster.

No.

What is the answer?

A button.

Fuck buttons don't have two eyes.

Flat is a leaf, round is a ring. Has two eyes but can't see a thing. I'll take your first born child.

If anybody was teaching me to sew and said put the needle through the eyes of the buttons, I'd be pissed. Is that what they call them, eyes?

Yeah, but sometimes they have more than two. Yeah. Sometimes they have four. Yeah, they have four sometimes. Okay, I give that riddle a F. Yeah.

That's great.

Oh, good. I hated it, A+.

What hired killer never goes to jail?

Obama.

Yet, dude.

Sorry, but let's lock him up. But really, though, the drone program did expand rapidly under Obama.

What hired killer never goes to jail?

All right. What hired killer never goes to jail? What hired? Executioner. Colon cancer. Colon cancer. Oh yeah, an executioner. For sure. State-sponsored killing.

You're... I guess that works. I guess, yes.

We keep coming up with fucking better answers than these riddles.

You do, but this one, you're on the right path. An electric chair.

No. It's a person.

It's a potion.

The hangman. Police officer.

No. Oh my god.

Yeah, but let's, but fucking fuck that, right? They should all be fucking locked up in jail. Wait, are you forcing me to get political on this podcast?

Yeah, yeah.

What hired killer

Never goes to choose. Oh, I know it. Remember several episodes ago when the guy could choose between three rooms? One room was a raging fire. One room was a hired assassin with bullets in his gun. And one was the lions who haven't been fed in a year. It's the hired assassin in that room because his room is never chosen. Yeah, and the lions are dead. Well, here's what I think. It says the lions haven't eaten in the year. They could be intubated. They could be intubated lions. They could be getting their food. Oh, intravenously. Intravenously. And so they haven't eaten.

Of course.

But they're healthy as hell. Yeah, that's true.

Someone's been haunted by this riddle.

Honestly, if I could.

It has been haunting me.

I would take all of my food through a tube and I would calf my urethra. Calf it up. So I never had to pee. I save all my poops for God. Yeah.

But you wouldn't be able to taste things.

Hell, Cath, no fury.

What do you mean? I mean, you're taking it through a tube.

Not through my mouth. Can you taste through your dick? Honest question. Not human race, JPC.

No, but I think my dick has good taste.

Oh, no. Oh, gross. What's the answer? An exterminator.

Okay, yeah, so I don't consider that murder. What he does is assertive. Was that riddle sponsored by Arachnophobia?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, all these have sponsorships.

Great movie, yeah. You are trying to maintain that you're young, correct? Oh, all us kids, we've seen Arachnophobia, right? Hey, put down your squeeze-its for a second, fellow 14-year-olds. We all like Dunkaroos, right? Everybody throw your Skip-Its back in this pile.

When I say fruit, you say roll up. Fruit. Roll up.

Fruit. Roll up.

When I say lunch, you say a bull. Lunch. Lunch.

Oh boy, we're young. Ribbon rider dancing, riding on the wall. Ribbon rider up and let it fall. You ever have one of those?

No, I was born in 1991. Gotcha.

And also my family was rich as hell.

Oh, I was very poor.

So I had two.

Never resting, never still, moving silently from hill to hill. It does not walk, run, or trot. All is cool where it is not. What is it?

Quick reps from Con Air.

Never resting, never still, moving silently from hill to hill. It does not walk, run, or trot. All is cool where it is not. What is it?

All is cool where it is not.

But I said it while I simultaneously put down my Ray-Bans. Are those Ray-Bans? Oakley's. Damn. I didn't know you golf.

I got one more for you because you got that one too fast.

Okay, yeah, we did do that one.

I'm not closed, but I cover your body. The more I'm used, the thinner I grow. What am I?

Condom.

Definitely a condom.

If you've never met JPZ, he is covered in condoms.

I kind of have to be because I'm so allergic. If the air touches my skin, baby I'm dead.

Your dick just doesn't like the taste of condoms. I don't like the taste.

Sorry, my dick doesn't like the taste. I love the sensation.

I hate the thing. Oh boy. What is it? I'm not closed but I cover your body. The more I'm used, the thinner I grow. What am I?

Shame. Oh my god.

Skin. Skin cells? Skin? No. Hair? No. I'm not closed but I cover your body. The more I'm used, the thinner I grow. Oil. The thinner I grow. The more I'm used, the thinner I grow. Not clothes, but I cover your body. The air. There's gotta be air. When I suck in the air, it makes it thinner. Erin, Erin, is it air?

Is it the air?

No. And it's not skin? No. Is it the Kevin Bacon movie, The Air Up There?

Yes.

Wow, great. We got there in three. Is it poop?

Now, I'm being serious, because... I like how you said that in the same breath. Now, is it poop? Now, I'm being serious.

Poop particles are in the air.

No. Okay. No. I don't like that I just had to say that word, poop.

I hate that word. Does it have to do with particles?

No.

Is it dried blood?

No. What? No.

Is it, oh, is it blood?

No.

Wait, hold up. Wet blood. It's a wet blood. Are we not all covered in dried blood? No. I've covered in wet blood.

I'm not close, but I cover your body. The more I'm used to the thinner I grow. What am I? Patience. No.

Oh, we gotta get a hint or an answer here. Can you give us one hint?

I will give you an answer. Okay. Wait. A bar of soap.

So that's the hint, is it barf soap?

No, it is a barf soap. I cover your body.

I don't think it covers my body.

Well, if you're doing it right, you dirty animal.

What, even the taint in my toes?

Oh, God. Yeah, so those were our warm-up riddles.

How do you think we did? Well, so I think we did good on one of them, and then the rest we did on the bad.

How do you think I did?

Oh, you did great. Thank you. You did so well. Well, I appreciate that. Nice creepy cadence.

Good.

Yeah. Do you want some feedback? Some honest feedback?

Yeah, some fearless feedback.

Do you want some honest feedback? You want an honest feedback?

I would love that.

Change? Nothing. You did it perfectly.

Oh my God. Kind friend. Are we ready?

Yeah.

Okay, here are the hard Puzzles and riddles. Are we ready for some puzzles and riddles?

Yes. And just once an episode, we should say that these are riddles.

Riddles and puzzles. Okay. Okay. So maybe if you have a pen with you.

Play along at home.

Play along at home and write the following things down.

Wait, do I need a pen?

Yeah. I'm telling you, I just think this maybe is one where you're going to want a pen. I actually don't know the answer.

Gotcha.

But I do think it's one that you're going to want a pen.

People who aren't familiar with this show, I usually keep both of my hands submerged in separate cups of gravy, and I'm licking my fingers throughout. So this is pointed. So yeah, for telling me to get a pen out, okay, I guess I will.

Are we ready?

No. No, for sure I'm not ready. I did waste a few minutes doing my good gravy joke. And I do have to borrow some paper from a friend.

Okie dokie. Are we ready? Again, I don't know the answer, so this doesn't require you to write something down. I'm sorry, but it seems like you might. A woman is writing in capital letters. She has difficulty writing the letters A, E, F, G, H, and L, but no difficulty with C, K, M, N, V, and W. Why?

Is Y the question Y or the letter Y?

It's the question Y. Okay. I'm going to read this one more time.

So that's not the solution to the riddle. No.

Got it. A woman is writing in capital letters. She has difficulty writing the letters A, E, F, G, H, and L, but no difficulty with C, K, M, N, V, and W. Why?

Okay, that's a really good guess. Adal, that's a really good guess. Here's what I will say. That's so fucking stupid.

Calligraphy is kind of a hobby of mine. Sure. As we all know. And so these letters have very different markers. The markers on the A E F G H L or the Calypso letters are very different from C K M N V W or the Treliphonon letters. In terms of... Okay, and I think I made my point. So W and M, those are just upside down versions of each other.

Yep.

And

And a K is just a V on an L. And an F and an E are similar.

Yes, an F and an E are similar.

I will say when you talked about lowercase calligraphy, recursive writing, A, E, F, G, H, L all have like a bubble. Like if you write their lowercase form, there's some sort of like loop or bubble.

But she's writing in capital letters though.

She's writing in capital letters the way I write them. I didn't write that in that word. So maybe this is some sort of, okay, what is she doing again?

She's just writing down capital letters as you do when you're newly single and you're trying to empower yourself.

A newly single woman is writing down capital letters.

Susan, can I come over today? No, I'm going to be writing capital letters from 6 to 10.

I have to go home and wash my hair and write capital letters.

I don't like her voice.

What? I'm from the old times.

I'm from the 60s. Dear Springfield,

I have thoughts. So one of the hints is more examples of letters.

So maybe... Oh, great. Oh, this is my type of hint.

Okay, here we go. She has difficulty writing the letters P, R, T, and Z, but no difficulty with O, Q, S, U, X, and Y. Can I just say P, R, T, Z spells pretties.

So maybe she doesn't have a lot of self-confidence.

Well, she's newly single. Difficulty with P, R, T, and Z, but no difficulty with O, Q, S, U, X, and Y. Oh boy.

Are there words that start with each of these letters?

Is it what letters are missing maybe is something? Should I read the other hints? Yes. She is writing in an unusual place.

Okay.

And the other hint. Oh, no, actually, I don't want to give this in.

Oh, it's we think it's well. Yeah, I think it's well. Is she writing in Braille? No.

Is she writing? Is she like carving these things into like a tree?

She's writing in an unusual place.

Does that mean the main the main riddle one more time?

A woman is writing in capital letters. She has no difficulty writing the letters A, E, F, G, H, and L, but no difficulty writing C, K, M, N, V, and W, Y. W, H, Y. She's drunk.

I think it has something to do with state capitals because there's not a state capital with the letter A in it.

Oh, wow.

What does oh wow mean? What? Did you find something?

No.

Erin just got a phone call.

I just got a phone call and it's really good news. She said oh wow. Oh wow.

I got the part for my car.

That's going to be in a movie.

I needed a muffler. That's going to be in a movie. My car not made.

Oh my God, your car's got that movie?

Yeah, my car just got cast as Ariel in the live action movie. Herbie semi-loaded.

Dude, where's my car? This is the follow up. Oh, here dude.

Oh my God. The shape of the letters matter. There's one thing all the letters she's bad at have in common.

The shape of the letters matter. Ed Sheeran, shape of you. Straight lines.

Yeah, sort of.

Yes. She can't do straight lines because she has blurred lines. The woman in question... I know you want it.

Okay, are we ready for an answer or do we want a couple more minutes?

Here's the thing. We should get an answer because I don't know what the fuck the answer is.

I think this is a dumb answer.

I'm ready to call Mercy on this.

Okay, are we ready? Yeah. This is going to be a little unsatisfying, so just brace yourself.

Okay, well, I've heard that before.

And also, the logistics of this are still confusing to me and I can't quite picture it.

I've said it before when I've had having sex with someone.

Oh, of course. Your dick has taste. She is writing along the top of a closed book on the top of the pages. Any letter with a horizontal line in it is difficult since the pen tends to slip down between the pages.

I'm sorry, what?

So the book is open like this. Yes. And she's writing it across. And anytime she does a horizontal line, it dips between the pages. So she has difficulty doing it.

That's not a riddle. Like an A, an E, an F, a G, an H. Oh, that's a hyper-specific mental disorder.

Go jump in a goddamn lake. She is writing in the middle of a book.

OK. So that's, but Adal's not wrong. That's not a riddle.

No.

So I think that what happened was our time just got wasted.

A man has a pin code for his debit card.

What is it? I guess what they're asking is what all those letters have in common, and all of them have horizontal lines. But we didn't pick up on that, so I'm just saying they still got us.

The way that I write my G, my capital G, I don't use a horizontal line.

But traditionally a capital G has that little line at the top.

Does R have a horizontal R? P and R?

Do P and R have horizontal lines?

Don't shoot the old man puzzles.

I'm not asking, I'm yelling. Do P and R have... To be clear, I'm not asking, I'm yelling. Oh, God. There's our podcast. If I ever do a podcast, it's going to be called I'm Not Asking, I'm Yelling.

It's all just rhetorical questions being screened by you?

Oh, yeah, exactly.

I'm sorry to everyone at home who got a pen and wrote that down.

If you're at work, no apology.

Yeah, you're welcome for distracting you.

If you're in the car, look out!

A bird!

If we ever do a live show,

Bring the pen and the paper that you just wasted.

Yeah.

And Erin will eat it. Eat the paper.

I'll eat it.

Erin will eat the paper. I'll eat it right in front of you.

And the pen.

And then you can check the inside of my mouth to make sure I actually swallowed it.

And she'll eat the pen. Bring the pen.

And I'll eat the pen.

Bring the paper. She'll eat the paper and she'll drink the pen. But it has to be gel. And it has to be a gel.

It's so funny because you set it up as if I was going to sign that paper. But no, I'll eat it right in front of you. Make sure to put poison on it right before.

If you ever come to a live show, bring poison and we'll eat it. That's our one promise. Here's our next riddle.

A man left his house to get a drink, but died because his watch stopped. Why?

A man left his house to get a drink, but died. Why did he leave his house to get a drink? He didn't have a burrito. A man leaves his house

Because he wants a drink. No, we didn't say that. He didn't say of water. Oh, what did it say? A drink. I thought it said of water.

No. A man left his house to get a drink but died because his watch stopped. Why? I got to tell you one of the hints right off the bat because it doesn't seem like it's going to be helpful and it's just very funny. The man was unusual.

He's a werewolf. So this man is a don't get a drink time guy.

Here's what it is. The man, he's unusual because if his watch ever stops, he dies.

Yeah, that's an unusual thing. That's the answer. It's that, what is that Justin Timberlake movie where like when you run out of time, you have like a wrist thing with time on it and when you run out, you die.

Where you go back to like fix shit?

No, I didn't see the movie. Time Cop. What if this guy lives in like a submarine or he's like an astronaut or something and the time is related to how much air he has left? But why would he go and get a drink? Is he dumb?

Does it say if he's dumb?

Well, he says he's going to get a drink. Oh, it's Tom Jones. Some other things that you call the drink is like you call the sea the drink. Like, I'm gonna go take a bath in the drink.

Get to drink. That was Alan Alda impression.

Oh, do it. Do it again?

No, you just did it.

Oh, I did an Alan Alda? Yeah. I don't know if I can... You'd get to drink. You'd get to drink. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I hear that.

You say some people call the sea the drink. Is that from all the maritime experience you have? Yes.

The maritime? Maritime. Hold on.

Maritime.

You... Wait. What am I saying? Hold on.

I want to introduce... Full stop. Full stop. Full stop with your host, Adal Rifai.

Adal, what do you think Maritime is? You have some friends over. You put up some of those patio lights from Target.

It's Maritime law.

Having a Maritime.

Maritime law means if you start your drink, you gotta finish it.

Or you're watching Lord of the Rings. You really dig it. You invite the actor who played Mary. You have a Maritime. What was his name?

Mary.

Sean Boyd. The guy from Lost. Sean Boyd. Charlie from Lost.

Charlie from Lost.

No, he was Pippin.

Charlie from Lost.

There you go. Yeah. You locked into it.

I'm doing Alan Alda now. Charlie from Lost.

Nice. Can Alan Alda say Charlie from Lost again? I like it a lot.

My favorite TV show? Not Nash. It's Lost. Can you say Not Penny's Boat? Not Penny's boat.

Can you say 4, 8, 15, 16, 29, 42?

This is the first time I've ever done an Alan Alda impression. And it'll be the last.

It was an accident.

It's not bad. It's like 50% but it's not bad.

It's good.

Can someone pour me a German beer? His famous line. This is my new tongue twister. His famous line. Boy, okay.

A man left his house to get a drink, but died because his watch stopped. Why? I'm going to read the answer.

He needed... Here's what I think before you read the answer.

I'm going to read it to myself.

I think he... Is he, like, diabetic or something? Like, he maybe has to take... Much like loss, where the release button has to be pushed every, what, X amount of minutes.

Maybe he has to take medication every amount of... Yeah, so my thought was... The same thought as, like, astronaut, like, with air. Like, there's that... That watch stop is clocking something else, but just time.

Yeah, yeah. But it said the man's unusual, not his circumstances. Like, well, I guess it could be paired up.

It was an alarm on his watch to take his birth control, and then he got pregnant and he died.

Yeah, because he didn't have enough nutrients and the baby ate his nutrients from inside.

OK, this is an unsatisfying answer. Your medication answer is more satisfying.

OK. Oh, OK.

Do you want more hints or should we?

Yeah, let's hear some more hints. I like to really stretch things out before I get unsatisfied.

The man thought it was much later than it actually was. It was dark when he went outside. The man was unusual.

He's a vampire. He's a werewolf. He's a vampire. And he died because the sun came up. That's the answer to this riddle?

The man is Count Dracula who leaves his house for a nightly drink of blood. However, his watch has stopped. And what he thinks is night is actually a solar eclipse. He was caught in the sunlight and he died.

Wow, so the most famous vampire, Count Dracula, is killed.

I like also that they downplay it with, a man left his house. No, no, no, no, my friend. Count Dracula left his fucking castle. Yeah. And he's not a man. A vampire, I would say, would not be a man. Can we see a scene where JPC is Count Dracula and he's moved into the suburbs? For sure. He's got like a picket fence. And Erin, you're a neighbor who's talking to him. And it's nighttime, right? In this scene?

It's nighttime.

Well, it's nighttime, but it's also merry time.

You know, when I bought the trampoline for the kids, I thought, they're going to use this, they're going to use this, and they promised.

But they never did.

But they never did. It's just like the dog, you know, they beg for it, they beg for it, and then they don't want to take care of it.

You know, it's a wonderful trampoline.

I like it very much.

Oh man, thank you. Hey.

Hey, sorry, I was just walking by. I live in a neighborhood. Are you MASH actor Alan Alda?

Believe me, friend, I get that all the time. No, I am not. Alan Alda, the M.A.S.H. actor. He is a very talented actor, but I am not him. And in no way was there a Witness Protection Program-esque situation that landed me in this quiet, sleepy little town. My name's Kevin. What's your name? Your name's Kevin? Yeah. Oh, my name? My name is Alan Arkin. Oh, wasn't he an actor? Was he? Also, have you seen my dog? Okay, so, yes, I did see your dog. Your dog, your delicious little dog. Oh, thank you.

Was running into... Wait, you don't mean delicious like, like your dick has taste delicious. Thank you, friend. That is not what I mean.

Phew. You said count Dracula as played by Alan Alda, right? Guys, now that I know I can kind of do an Alan Alda accent, it's going everywhere. Game over. I liked that last riddle, but I kind of missed writing down letters. Oh, my God.

Can we just write down all the letters of the words in that past riddle?

Yeah.

Hmm.

Well, I don't know how to say this, but Papa Horny for Pussies. Does that make sense?

I think you knew exactly how to say it.

Does that make sense? Papa Horny for Pussies? Did I convey what I wanted to convey there? P-H-F-P. Papa Horny for Pussies. Papa Horny for Pussies. Yeah, that Dracula one, man.

The man was unusual. I mean, they didn't lie. It was all right there.

Oh, OK. Yeah.

Clear as day. Very nice.

Very nice.

I'm going to write my vampire fiction. And is it going to be called Clearer's Day?

Yeah, Clearer's Day. And is it going to be about a vampire leaving Scientology? Mm-hmm. Hell yeah.

Going Clearer's Day.

Going Clearer's Day.

I love it. Why was a fictitious name added to an airplane's passenger list?

Why was a fictitious name added to an airplane's passenger list?

So this is an old scam. It's an oldie but a goodie. You add a fake person's name to a passenger list. That way you can overcharge for the seating price to upgrade people into first class.

That's a good answer.

Well it's also, it's because you're developing a hit show for ABC called Loss. So John Locke was not his real name. Oh yeah. He took some turmoil and strife.

And the wheelchair thing is a, I mean he eventually can walk.

I remember when he had the orange in his mouth. Ugh. 2005 was such a good year.

I think I stopped watching that show like into season 4 maybe. I don't know how long it went. 5 seasons? 6? I didn't see the last half year and a half.

The answer is too long.

I cared about Desmond. End of list.

Why would you put a fictitious name? Okay, so in some cultures, you save a seat at the table for Elijah. Back to Lord of the Rings. Would you save a seat for Elijah? Is the answer Jesus?

No.

Interesting. Was it historically said or just fictitious?

Fictitious. Why was a fictitious name added to an airplane's passenger list?

I know, because the flight attendant was a prankster. Yeah. And wrote like... Who gets to add the names? Wrote like the name Dixon Balls or something.

Hilarious. A hilarious flight attendant.

A real scamp.

Would you like some hints? Yes. The fictitious person did not exist and did not fly. The police knew about the situation.

Well, that's what fictitious means, right?

Yes.

So you're just looking at... I'm doubling down on that. You're reading a dictionary, Erin.

Yeah. Oh, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy. Wait, the police? The police knew about the situation.

Other passengers had been... Stewart Copeland, Sting. We have a situation.

Other passengers had been victims of a crime. Wait, other... Wait, all the passengers had been victims of a... Other passengers that were aboard the flight had been victims of a crime.

So the police know about the situation and other passengers have been victims of the crime. I was thinking like a Die Hard situation where the, if you remember Alan Alda's character from Die Hard, Hans Gruber, asks the police to free a bunch of like freedom fighter people. And so maybe it's like a terrorist situation where they're like, you must free my brother. And they're like, your brother has died on this plane crash. Now that I'm saying it, it doesn't make any sense.

These are all pretty good answers.

Thank you, Erin. You're welcome. When, Adal, when you're Old Man Puzzies, we never get this much support.

Hey, I think you guys are doing really great, and I appreciate all your hard work.

Wow! That's what it sounds like to be wanted. God, I've been waiting to hear that. Waiting to hear that.

All I can hear is Alan Alda and your voice now.

All I can hear is Alan Alda and your voice.

I love him in that movie, Manhattan Murder Mystery.

Make your own kind of music. What is it?

Manhattan Murder Mystery?

That's your favorite, you told me that's your favorite, one of your favorite movies.

It is.

I don't think I've ever seen it.

It's so good. It's, I mean, it's Woody Allen, so we can't like it anymore. We can't watch it. But it's Woody Allen and Diane Keaton and they're a middle-aged couple and they solve a murder together. No, don't, fuck. Fuck you, fuck, fuck.

Fuck you, Woody Allen.

Would we like...

Is there any more hints? I saw Midnight in Paris was on TV the other day and I was like, I remember watching this movie before I knew anything about Woody Allen and I will not watch it again.

Yeah. It's a good movie.

But I like Owen Wilson. He's got a fucked up nose.

I like Marion Cotillard. She's great in that movie, yeah.

Fictitious name. Seymour Butts is an example of a fictitious name.

Oh, this is interesting. Okay.

Oh, these clues?

No.

Can I get a hint?

I already gave you the hint.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, you did.

Please know about it. Other passengers have been victims of a crime. Are we ready for an answer? Do we need more time?

Other passengers have been victims of a crime. Do we think it's like a hijacking thing?

No.

No, not the police know about it. So the police know about it. And again, it's seeing in Stewart Copeland.

I will. Can I tell you the first four words of the answer? Yes. In this true case.

Oh, in this true case. Did everyone on the plane die? No. So but they had been victims of a crime. Okay, interesting. So wait, what if? What if these are they hostages? No. Damn it. I was thinking that they're like, the bank robbers are like, gas up a plane and we're taking the hostages with us. And the police put a fictitious name on it and that name? Scruff McGruff, the crime dog. So now these frickin' terrorists jerk off bank robbers on a frickin' plane with Scruff McGruff the crime dog?

In this true case, many vacationers who flew with a certain airline had their homes burglarized while they were away. The police added a false name but a real address to the list and caught the burglar red-handed.

When he broke in, it turned out that his sister worked for the airline and passed the list of passenger addresses to her nefarious brother. That's awesome. That's an awesome-ass movie.

That was also an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that I watched very recently.

Oh, interesting.

That exact plot? It's a very similar plot. Like they go to like an art gallery and give a fake address and then someone goes and robs the fake address and that's how they catch the guy. Yeah.

Whoa.

Yeah. There are no new ideas. Everything's just recycled.

What about this? Lampshade, your face, Golden Gate Bridge, shrimps.

Erin, open the envelope that I gave you at the beginning of the show.

Don't panic and start listing things.

Oh yeah.

That wasn't a prediction. It was advice.

And I should have had you open that at the beginning of the show. This is on me. I forgot to give that to you.

You know when Carson would do his Amazing Carmack and he'd list three things. He'd be like, popcorn, a tree in the woods, and Liza Minnelli. Let me just open this here. Don't panic and list this.

He'd open the envelope and he'd say, let's see, comedy list. And every night he would just say comedy list.

That's really funny.

R.I.P. Carson. Yeah, Carson Daly, too soon.

That's so funny. You wanted me to list the things again that I just said. I realize that now.

I don't know that I wanted that. I think I got what I wanted.

Oh, I'm having fun.

Cool. So that one was a true story, huh?

Yeah, isn't that fascinating?

Yeah.

I love that I haven't heard or read or thought about the word nefarious in a very long time.

It's a wonderful word. But the brother's a dirtbag. OK, I want to see a scene real quick. And that scene is going to be, Erin, you are going to be the flight attendant. And Adal, you're going to be the nefarious brother. And this is the meetup where you are giving him the list.

Hey Donnie, I got you another list.

Oh good, I'm looking for more addresses to scope out and then burgle.

Hey, where's my cut of the money?

Well, you'll get it when I burgle.

But where's my kite? You keep coming in here demanding lists, wagging your finger at your only sister, and I haven't seen one gem or jewel this whole time.

Listen, Cynthia, I found you in a cocktail bar two years ago and you were high as a kite with your nose bleeding out both nostrils.

But yeah, now I'm a flight attendant. I'm all fancy, but I don't have diamonds in my ear.

Excuse me. I'm character actor Alan Alta. And I don't mean to interrupt. But you did. But I did.

Was it an accident when you interrupted?

For sure it was not. I did mean to interrupt, but I didn't mean it to be rude.

Shouldn't it be Alan ISkin? As if, you know, you're related to who you're related to.

I'm Alan Alda.

Well then which one's Alan Orkin?

I don't know. I do know the name, but I don't know the person.

Oh wait, Alan Alda, you- Are you a vampire? Your family owns Trader Joe's as well. I love Alda's.

Cheap food. Oh my god. That's my cousin, Alan Aldi. Oh wait, no, please just put my fingers in your pants Why would anyone keep a wallet in their fly? Oh boy.

That voice heard my face. It heard to do that voice.

Oh to do that voice. I thought you meant to hear Adal's.

Oh that makes sense. Let's leave today with a quizzy. So we're gonna end this episode with a quizzy. Please send us your riddles or puzzies that you may have.

Yes if you want to email us any rizzies or puddies

Putty's the bad guys from Power Rangers.

Or the actor from Community, Danny Putty. You can email us at hrrpodcast at gmail.com or if you want to tweet at us we got one of those too at Hey Riddle Riddle.

So the quiz we're going to go out on, this is the number 8 is the key to the answer here. And we're going to have 8 answers. And this is going to be the 8 vegetables in V8.

The 8 vegetables you can't say on TV.

Celery. Tomato. Wait, let's try to say them together.

Are we doing the 8 vegetables you can't say on TV? That's the new question. Celery. Tomato.

Brussels sprouts.

Broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, spinach, and okra.

I love that JBC started to say kala and didn't know where it was going. Like totally backed off. These are the eight vegetables you can't see in heaven. We're talking tomatoes, we're talking carrots, we're talking celery, we're talking beets, we're talking parsley, we're talking lettuce, watercress, and spinach.

Watercress. We said it together.

Watercress sucks. That's not a good vegetable. It's just, yeah, it's just water. It's like 90% water.

Watercress is what I would call a deodorant for surfers.

For surfers? Not a toothpaste?

Put on water, I guess. I picked the wrong toiletry. I'm such an idiot. Oh no.

And Erin, what's a good name for a cartoon dog?

Jupiter.

Thank you.

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle. Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. KJ Snyder did the editing. That was a HeadGum podcast.