Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

And we are answering riddles, lateral thinking problems, quizzes, quizzical queries. Queries. We don't do quizzes.

No, these are more like how comes and why don'ts.

Welcome back to how comes and why don'ts.

Who are you?

And old-timey questionnaires.

Where were you on the night of yesterday night?

Riddles are things that old women ask from porches to darkness, right? Who goes there?

Yeah, as they have bags full of sheep's wool, right?

I live alone and I'm holding a candle!

Why? Why come? And how? But where? How many? How can I afford all these candles? I don't work.

And I live alone. That's expensive.

What killed me? Riddles. You know, riddles.

You know, Rids and Puzzies. Are we cool with that now?

Riddles and Puzzies? I think the main thing that we've accomplished so far in this podcast is that Erin is slowly like influencing me to hate riddles as well.

That's why I'm here.

Last episode there's some real doozies where we had like a three-page essay of a puzzy and then the answer was a Bluetooth headset.

Who knows what this week will have in store?

Has in store, we don't know. Well, we'll know for the first portion because this is going to be the warm-up rounds. These are the riddles I know answers to, you two do not.

This is a lightning round, correct?

Lightning round, we're going to try and get these done quick just to kind of warm up our brains, think outside the box.

And these points count, and this is a competition.

This is a competition. Very first one. What costs nothing but is very hard to find and can be easily lost? What costs nothing but is very hard to find and can be easily lost?

Love! I was going to say love as well, but Can love be easily lost?

When you're Erin Keif, yes.

A little insight into Erin's dating life.

I'm not okay. Costs nothing.

But is very hard to find and can be easily lost. I think love is close enough. The answer is true friendship.

I care way less about friends.

That's insane. That's true.

No. But maybe.

But I was thinking about the easily lost part of that. It's like, I don't know. Like if it's a true friendship, can it be easily lost?

Number two, what is easy to spot but hard to find?

Easy to spot but hard to find. The dog's name is Spot and the horse's name is Find.

And the horse is easy to the dog.

It's easy to spot but hard to find. The symptoms of cancer.

That's what it is. Again, these aren't so much riddles as medical issues that a local hospital asked us to deal with. What is easy to spot but hard to find? I'll give you about five more seconds.

Can we have a hint?

No.

Oh, damn it. Okay, hold on. Easy to spot.

I'll give you a hint. Showbiz, baby!

Oh, Waldo.

A star.

Talent. So a star is correct. I would have also taken Waldo. That's just my personal feeling. I would have taken Waldo. Let's see here. A mansion is on fire. There are three rooms. A room full of money, a room full of expensive paintings, and a room full of gold and precious jewels. That'd be nice.

That's the correct answer. Also, a mansion with three rooms? Not a mansion. That's a two-bedroom apartment.

Where do you sleep? I don't have a bedroom. I have my jewel room, my painting room, and my money room.

And all my candles. I live alone.

How do you afford those candles?

Okay, sorry.

A mansion is on fire. There are three rooms. A room full of money, a room full of expensive paintings, and a room full of gold and precious jewels. Which room did the policeman put out first?

Paintings. It can't be that simple, is it?

The room with the person in it.

These are warm-ups, so they can be that simple.

So policemen don't fight fires. Fire killers do. And fires are called building killers. Fire killer, building killer.

Fire killer, building killer. Here we go. Was that three? We'll do one more. Was I correct? You were correct. None. They are policemen.

Or policewomen. So all of them. The whole mansion's up in flames.

How many birthdays does the average woman have?

One every year. One.

How many birthdays does the average woman have?

Uh, I would say 69. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Erin is closest. This is the dumbest fucking answer. The answer is one birthday. The rest are just birthday celebrations or parties. What?

I wish it was my birthday.

You know what? So everyone has one true birthday, the rest are just celebrations or parties. You know who wrote that Riddle?

What a bleak take on... It's a person who is like, Hey Meredith, happy birthday! You only have one birthday. Today's just my birthday celebration or party. It's like, cool, I'll never say a word to you again.

This will be the last party of yours. I'll be attending.

We're done here. Cool, I actually just work with you and I hate you. Does that make sense?

Did I solve the riddle?

Some guy just sitting home alone, nobody came.

How many birthdays does the average woman have and how many cats? I would say one and a lot.

You here for my candles? Or my cats? We feel warmed up? Great, let's get into the main portion of the show. Now we're getting into Pussies and Riddies where I don't know the answer so I'll be playing along.

And the very first one here... Should we be calling you a quiz master of some sort?

I would like some moniker, I feel like... Douche master!

Wow, you shouldn't have said some moniker. We were very prepared to call you a quiz master.

That's not ideal.

Jerk who's a thousand years older than me and way less cool. I'll call you that.

Old Man Puzzles!

There's a way to shorten that. I like Old Man Puzzles.

Old Man Puzzles! It's Old Man Puzzles. This is not a vote, this is what I choose.

You down with O.M.P.? Old Man Puzzles. I hate Old Man Puzzles. Tell us your secrets.

Enough of your witchcraft, Old Man Puzzles.

I'm related to Boo Radley. By marriage.

He's my husband. Alright, here's the first one. It's going to be a shorter one, just based on the disappointment of last episode with the Bluetooth. We're going to go with a shorter one, but at least there won't be any superfluous information. Here we go. Puzzle number one. A man lies dead next to a feather that caused his death. What happened?

That's hilarious.

A man lies dead next to a feather that caused his death. What happened?

Did the feather cause his death? Or did whatever was attached to the... like the feather was attached to cause his death?

That's my main... I think the feather... A man lies dead next to a feather that caused his death. Because otherwise that could be like a... Allergic to feathers, that's the answer. Otherwise it could be like a Dumbo situation, like Dumbo killed him, realized he could fly the whole time and leaves the feather behind, to like...

Is that what happened in Dumbo? It's been so long. I've never seen it.

He's given a magical feather that he thinks can make him fly, and then he realizes he didn't need the feather the whole time. It's a real Thor situation. You know how Thor, his hammer's broken by Cate Blanchett, and he's like, the lightning was in me the whole time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful.

It's so beautiful, especially with Chris Hemsworth doing it.

I think the feather's a quill, and I think someone wrote something really mean.

And they died from embarrassment? Yeah. Drew like a dick on their face?

Mm-hmm.

A man lies dead next to a feather that caused his death. What happened? Owl.

So, the guy was getting tickled, right? Oh yeah, he was getting tickled.

He came so hard.

Well, hold on. No.

How tickled was he?

But when he was getting tickled, the tickling worked up to his nose. Yeah, he's in a fuck party. And when he sneezed, his head went back and bashed against a wall, killing him immediately.

He was in a sexy pillow fight. Things got rough. He slipped on the feather. He slipped on the feather is not bad.

He slipped on the feather?

Do you think, wait does it say... You know the expression... Sometimes I hope that no one's listening to me. You know the expression? Which is the opposite of what other people feel, but I hope sometimes no one can hear a word I say.

Adal, can you check the text one more time? Was this man existing in a cartoon?

He slipped on a feather. A man lies dead next to a feather that caused his death. What happened?

Are there clues or anything for this?

There are clues. Do we want them already?

Yes, please. I mean, I think I pretty much have it right with the sneezing and the bashing his head thing.

I think that's a pretty good guess. I also like the quill that it's attached to like it's pointed. I also like my idea of Owl Attack that was glazed over pretty quickly.

No, but Owl Attack is a name of a show.

Oh, here we go. This is going to give us some meat on the bone. Okay. Here's some clues. The man was physically fit and healthy. So he wasn't, it wasn't,

So he's ready for sexual activity, like technically.

So he was definitely engorged. The feather had touched him. He was a circus performer.

He was a circus performer?

Here's what I think. I think this man tightrope walked. I think there's a bird, there's a falcon that lands on his arm. I think during his tightrope act, the bird shed a feather, it tickled his nose, he sneezed and fell off the tightrope.

Yeah.

That makes sense. What other, what, I mean, what other, so yeah, it's, he's like, he fell, the fall killed him, but the feather caused the fall.

Yeah, he got distracted by a feather.

Yeah.

This is sad. Did he admit to that he has a family or like he just was about to tell his best friend he was in love with her?

Before, when he was a dead person in a room, I wasn't sad. But now that he's a dead person in a room who had a job, I am actually sad. I am sad for the economy, because now we miss vital workforce.

He just picked such a whimsical field.

I feel like if you get into the circus, there's a 5 in 6 chance you die.

There's a 5 in 6? Like 5 out of 6 people in the circus die?

As circuses portrayed on TV.

Okay, so 100% of all people die, and that's gonna be a big part of life, and it's something that I brought up, I think, on every episode. Adal doesn't know.

That's not true. Can it be true? Here's a... Do you want the answer? Yes.

Yes, please.

The man was a circus sword swallower. In the middle of his act, someone tickled him with the feather, and he gagged. Who is... So, he was... I care less. He was murdered. I mean, that sounds like revenge.

He was murdered!

Alright, we gotta roleplay this. JPC, you're gonna be a sword swallower for obvious reasons. Erin, you're gonna be a mischievous kid with a feather for obvious reasons.

I'm gonna call an audible here, Adal. I'm gonna make you the sword swallower. You can be the mischievous kid, and I'm gonna be a guy in the audience who is watching this happen.

Alright everyone, for my next trick, I will put this sword in my mouth and... Oh, this kid's tickling me while I'm intro-ing my act.

Come here, Kevin.

It's a bit of a... Is your child named Kevin? Yes. I am also Kevin.

Well, my name's Kevin as well. I would like to see the trick! Kevin, Kevin, come, sit, sit. I would like to see the trick! And you will, Kevin. Boy, kids, huh? You have kids?

I have two.

The trick please! Oh shit! I just have Kevin here.

You might have seen them earlier. They're in the show.

Oh yes?

They're a lion and a tiger.

Oh boy, so you're one of them.

And pets can be kids. Do you don't think pets can be kids?

The trick! The trick!

Kevin, come here. Yes, I'll get to the trick. Kevin, come here. Yes, Papa.

Let me drink some orange juice to help lubricate my throat.

This man thinks pets can be kids.

Am I a pet?

No, Kevin, you're a boy. And boys have agency. And now I want you to do the unthinkable. I want you to take this man's life, Kevin.

Okay, Papa.

Here, here's Papa's secret feather. The one that we use to get rid of Mama. I want you to use it in the same way on this man when he swallows the sword.

Here we go, just put this down my throat.

Teeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee

And scene. The perfect crime.

Was that 40 minutes? That felt like that was 40 minutes.

We're sorry.

I'm sure it must feel that way.

Erin, sorry. I am not sorry.

I give that riddle a D. D. I did not like it. No.

But I don't like riddles, so here we are again.

Also, I'm pretty sure that the swords that people swallow aren't sharp. I think that they're dulled.

Dulled, yeah.

At worst, you'd like cut yourself up a little bit.

Let's move on to puzzle number two.

Okay, let's do it.

Puzzle number two. This is going to be another sort of court case, court mystery, so we'll get the case, the mystery, and the clues. The case. A woman whose husband has just left her lets out an anguished cry and leaps off a tall cliff. God.

Jesus Christ!

This is a real dark episode. A woman whose husband has just left her lets out an anguished cry and leaps off a tall quiff overlooking the ocean. The woman survives the fall without even getting wet. The mystery, where did the woman land and how did the woman survive?

First of all, I get it. When a man doesn't love you anymore, definitely jump off a cliff. Your worth is based in him.

There are so many of these riddles where, like, suicide is the person's solution. But it's like, that's literally the last resort.

Well, then it's not a good riddle, is it? For a good riddle, someone has to die.

Okay, so her husband left her.

Or is already dead.

She lets out an anguished cry. That's important.

The cliff she jumps off of is Cliff Clavin from Cheers. So it's only a five-foot fall.

Five-four.

It's a five-four fall. A woman whose husband has just left her lets out an anguished cry and leaps off a tall cliff overlooking the ocean. The woman survives the fall without even getting wet. Where did the woman land and how did the woman survive? We have a few clues which I'll go into now.

Do we need the clues yet?

Uh, Dewey?

Yeah, go ahead.

What a great exchange that was.

I don't, I don't have, I'm not inspired.

I have like a couple thoughts, uh, you know, of like... Here's my, my only thought is that it's like a stuntwoman, like this is a movie scene, and that there's some sort of like, um, what do you call that, like a ballooned, um, pad? Like a bouncy house. Like a bouncy house. You know how stunt, stunt performers use bouncy houses. Or she's got a harness, she has a harness on. Or she has a harness. So to me, I think it's like, uh, Climax in a movie.

Oh, I think the husband is leaving her while she is base jumping. So he's like, I want a divorce. And she's like, we've already bought the base jumping package. And then she jumps off the cliff.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Okay. Any thoughts? Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think that she's, yeah, I think she's rec... This is like recreational.

Yeah. I think the parachute is a very good call. Here's the clues. The woman landed on a surface hard enough to kill her. The woman was not prepared to die, but was prepared to jump. The woman did not have a parachute. Oh, wow, wow, wow. The woman did not land in the ocean. Well, that's a given since she didn't get wet. The woman glided to the ground. The woman was a feather.

The woman glided to the ground?

Yeah, but she didn't have a parachute.

She could have had one of those, like, squirrel suits.

Yeah. The woman was a squirrel.

Bungee jumping.

No, that's not gliding. Oh, hang glider.

Yeah.

Yeah. Hang glider is different from a parachute. Oh, you know what?

Her husband left her.

She lets out an anguished cry. I think it's like a, you know, just like a... Yeah.

Because he jumped first. She goes, no, don't go.

Oh my God, that's it. That's it. Her husband left her, but she noticed they're hang gliding and he...

This isn't part of the question, but why did the husband leave her?

I think it was accidental death. I think the ambulance got it spot on. Like he fell, or like accidentally fell, and then she hang glided down.

Or jumped first, something like that. Or maybe he left her because she wasn't on her game and forgot to tell him that she left him.

Maybe her husband fell. He had lost a lot of weight, so he had like skin flaps. She jumped down to save him, landed on his back, and his skin flaps glided them down. That seems like the most straightforward answer.

No, yeah, I think you're right.

Yeah, we got there. I mean, we know that's right, but let's read it just for shits and giggles. The woman had a hang glider and landed on the beach.

What's with the anguish cry? I need more.

I feel like that book is the one that has all the extraneous... I love what Erin said, though. If we're rewriting the way that this puzzle is, it's that the husband fell off the hang glider and she had the anguish cry.

Or just got scared for him. It was like, no!

But here's the thing about that. Like, they give us clues, but it could have been parachute, it could have been hang glider. It could have been either one of those. They would both fit. But they were like, it wasn't a parachute.

Did you almost barf mid-sentence?

Yeah, a bit mid-sentence.

That's how mad he is about this riddle.

But they were like, it wasn't a parachute. But it's like, why not? Like, let it have been a parachute. It's the same answer. A parachute or a hang glide. It doesn't matter. And then they were like, the other clue is she glided to the ground. It's like, do they think that we don't know what a hang glider is?

Glide really gives too much away. Let's maybe roleplay this. So JPC, I'd like you to be the husband who jumps to his death.

So we are assuming I'm jumping to my death.

This seems like a better story. Erin, you'll be the distraught wife who falls soon after. And we open up on a cliff. Fuckin' Tuesdays.

Oh, my sweet husband. Susie, don't even right now, okay?

I'm so stressed out. Be careful by this cliff, honey.

What do you mean, be careful by this cliff?

I mean, be careful by this world.

You're always telling... I want a divorce!

After Anna's husband died, what is going on in the puzzle world?

Oh, these are all taking place in the puzzle verse. Wait, what?

In the puzzle verse, everyone is dying. Women are letting out English cries. After Anna's husband died, she replaced him with her wardrobe. Why?

Oh, because she killed him and the blood was all over her clothes.

That's pretty good.

That should be a psychopath test, and I did not pass. I'm a crazy lady. After her husband died,

She replaced some of her wardrobe. Why? I think it is bloodstains, right?

The only thing that she owned was his and her, like, magic outfits.

I'm with stupid. It's all shirts with arrows pointing. This is the love of my life.

Mr. Mrs. Yeah, her shirt just says stupid with an arrow pointing up to her, because his said I'm with, but when it's just her wearing it, it looks really bad.

They didn't mention they're so fun. What a fun couple.

A fun couple and the husband dies. She had bought a lot of her wardrobe was like Green Bay Packers gear to like appease him and then he died and she's like Or the answer is she can do whatever the fuck she wants because he's dead and it's time to move on Anna.

Just like just you're starting a new life or she had to okay no

I love that this is like, like the town has noticed, like, hey, did we, um, I mean it's terrible that Frank died, but did we all notice that Sarah picked up some new clothes?

She bought new clothes. Her, like, coat, like, looks super expensive and new.

I mean, how much was the funeral that she has all this money to spend on a new... I don't want to be this person, but isn't it fucked up how we all buy clothes all the time, but as soon as she buys clothes, because her husband has recently died, it's like... What the fuck is her crazy problem?

What the fuck is going on?

She killed him. She killed him.

She killed him. She killed him. She killed him. More wine? Does everyone want more wine?

Oh my god, we're being bad.

We're being bad.

She killed him.

And we all have to pick up our kids in our SUVs.

I don't have kids, I just have to pick up this candle.

JPC knows a lot about women.

Look, I know. I've seen the movie What Woman What with Mel Gibson over one time. Twice. No, not twice. 1.5. I stopped watching because I got too excited.

Here's some clues. She disposed of the clothes that she would not wear now that she lived alone. This has nothing to do with the color of the items. What she replaced were mainly dresses and blouses. She did not do this for financial gain, but for convenience. Her husband was a fish. She doesn't have to go to the ocean anymore. Yeah, she got rid of her bikinis.

So it is blouses and dresses. It doesn't seem like it's murder, because why would all of her blouses and dresses have been... And she's replacing them, it seems like, with equal garment.

I have no excuse to wear this dress. I know. I'll murder my husband. Put on a new dress, stab. Put on a new dress, second stab. Put on a new dress, third stab.

The only dresses she had were wedding dresses.

Oh my husband? He swallows swords at the local circus. We ready for sweet sweet A?

Yeah give us that A.

Anna suffered from arthritis. I did not see this coming.

Oh, arthritis. Yeah, this is a sleeper. What in the world? Oh boy.

Anna suffered from arthritis, and her husband used to help her with anything that needed fastening at the back. She now had to replace her clothes with ones that had front fastening only. Erin, where were you on this?

That's so sad.

You committed an innocent woman to jail

Oh my god.

Because she had arthritis.

So sad. I hate that.

Anna had no arms. Now, raise your hand if you thought she was a murderer. Everyone? Well, guess what? She didn't have any arms in her husband.

I'm a monster. I want to go back in time. I want to be back in time.

No, that's manipulative. That puzzle is intentionally manipulative.

Also, I wanted to cry when you told me the answer to that. That's way too sad.

So she had to buy front-fastening clothes only.

I want to introduce a new segment to the show, and it's called JPC's Regular Riddle. There's a knock at a woman's door and she answers the door and she says, before she answers the door she says, who's there?

Is this a knock knock joke?

Hold on. A voice in the distance says, it's me your son. She opens the door, but her son is nowhere to be seen. How?

I need everyone to know how smug JPC looks right now.

How? How is this possible?

The woman had arthritis. No?

No arthritis?

The person was a planet.

No, the sun was a star.

Sun's not a horse either.

Can you repeat it one more time?

There's a knock at the door. A woman says, who's there? Someone at the other side of the door says, it's me, your son. She opens the door. But there's no sun to be seen. on this night you can write for that book and he's a ghost and she's a ghost and don't you feel like a big piece of shit now that you told the whole world about her business because she's blind and her son is dead of hunger fuck that book

Should we go back to that well for some more water? Yeah, let's do it.

One more.

This poisoned well.

So that was three. Here's puzzle number four. This will be our last puzzle.

This is puzzle number four. This will be our last puzzle.

Thank you.

This is puddle number four. This is going to be our last puzzle.

Please, Old Man Puzzles has the right to read Old Man Puzzles.

So you get through it.

This one's called The Wedding Presents. A man bought a beautiful and appropriate wedding gift for a friend's wedding. The gift was wrapped and sent. When the gift was opened at the wedding, the man was highly embarrassed. Why? A man bought a beautiful and appropriate wedding gift for a friend's wedding. The gift was wrapped and sent. When the gift was opened at the wedding, the man was highly embarrassed. Why? When it says, the man, does that mean the groom or the guy who sent it?

The guy who gave the gift was highly embarrassed.

So it was beautiful and appropriate. So it was a... I have a horrible thing.

Well, it's this book, so you're probably... No, so at the time that he bought the present, it was like something for like a baby because the married couple was getting married because she was pregnant, but then she lost the baby in some way. And so when they opened the gift at the wedding, it was like a baby-related present. And she had had a miscarriage.

That's the one! Nail on the head. He's right, right?

I also love the idea of like, if your friend is getting married, and you know that the couple is pregnant, that at their wedding you would get them... because the family would probably not know that, right? What do you mean? Or that might be like an outdated thought process. Yeah, this is old timey.

People nowadays only get married when they accidentally get a stranger pregnant.

Not because of love.

No.

What? I can't wait for that to happen to me.

Love is when you accidentally get a stranger pregnant and you just try to do your best. Oh my god. Oh my god. It'll all be all of us one day.

That gives me a whole new reason to watch Love Actually. To think of all those characters accidentally pregnant. Do we want some clues?

Yeah, let's get some clues.

Okay, here's some clues. He was embarrassed with shame when his gift was opened. What other types of embarrassment are there?

Sexual embarrassment.

That's what I wanted to hear.

He sent, like, his wedding gift.

Oh, he re-gifted. That's a good one. And maybe he forgot who gave it to him.

It was appropriate, though, so it's not like an inappropriate gift.

No, so it's like a glassware that they gave him.

We've all been there. We've all re-gifted all the places you'll go. You've given me that book. Shit.

And I gave you that book.

And I gave you that book.

Let's call the whole thing off.

And I wrote it. His gift wasn't offensive to the bride and groom in any religious, political, or moral way. He had bought an expensive gift, but then made a mistake and tried to save money. So he bought it, made a mistake, and tried to save money. So he broke it maybe, and then glued it back together, but he realized that the groom was a glue sniffer?

He bought an expensive gift?

What does that say? He had bought an expensive gift, but then made a mistake and tried to save money.

Okay, yeah, he re-gifted. So he had bought an expensive gift, he broke it, and then went, oh, I have this wedding gift from someone, or I have something already in my house.

Yeah, so it's a re-gift situation still? Yeah, it's a re-gift.

I think it's a re-gift, yeah. Do we want to hear that sweet, sweet A?

Yeah, let's hear that re-gift. One word, re-gift.

Here we go. The man selected a beautiful crystal vase at a gift shop, but he knocked it over and broke it. Holy crap. He had to pay for it, so he instructed the shop to wrap it and send it anyway. He assumed that people would think that it had been broken and trimmed it. This guy is a shithead.

Yeah, yeah, this sounds like me.

Unfortunately for him, the shop assistant carefully wrapped every broken piece before sending the package. Good on the shop assistant for being like, alright shithead, I'm gonna wrap each individual piece of the broken vase to let the couple know you effed up.

Yeah, but also like a vase is such an awful gift to give someone at their wedding.

Let's roll play. Erin, you're buying a gift and you accidentally break it. I want JBC to be the shop owner.

The shop owner or the shop assistant? What did I say? You said shop assistant wrap the gift, so I'd love to be the shop owner and I'll make you the shop assistant.

Great.

Wow, I think I found something that I really would love to give my friends who fell in love. It's this glass. Whoa, whoopsie daisies! Crash. Break.

It's an apple. Excuse me, I'm the shop owner.

And I'm the shop assistant.

This is my assistant. This is Kevin. He'll be training today. He's shadowing me and kind of learning.

Oh, I thought you were going to say I was a Shetland pony. I was going to stop you right there. But you said shadowing.

Oh, Kevin. Anyway, it looks, sir, ma'am? Sir. Sir. I didn't know you were a doctor. Looks like you broke this very expensive crystal vase.

Yeah, but before I did that, I put $60 down on the counter. So here's what I think should happen. And let me just say, I'm a terrible man. Can you send this broken gift to my friends? I don't love love and I want them to be sad.

Okay, well, this does cost $400.

Let's call the whole thing off.

Okay, stop. Come back. Do not walk out of here. I do have a gun and I will shoot you.

Yes, I'm glad we're all on the same page. Bingo bango, wrap up the gift, send it to this address.

Did Kevin show your gun as well? I assume you being a gentleman, a man, and a doctor, you also carry a weapon.

Yes, a bow and arrow.

Ah, the anti-cowards weapon. How brave of you. Here's what we'll do. You'll pay the full 400, but we will ship this gift in such a way so that it seems it was broken in transit. When they try to return it to the store, we will explain to them that you broke the gift and tried to send it in the manner in which we are now agreeing upon.

Well, if it gets that far, if all goes as planned, the bride will be in love with me by the end of the wedding. See you, gentlemen, later!

Wait! Please, Sarah, what's your plan?

Oh, I put on a suit and I dance and I use this face. And then I make a very handsome face.

Can I suggest another way around this problem? Sure, Kevin. You pay the full $400 for the vase. You wrap it up yourself, put it in a package. When you go to hand it to the couple, you pretend to slip on a feather and fall. No one can be mad at someone who just fell.

So I'll pay you the $60 and you'll send this. And this will no longer be my problem.

Am I even here?

And that was two hours. And we're not sorry.

Kevin, the shop assistant, was a ghost who had died of hunger ten years ago.

And the purchaser was blind.

I just wanted to make you so mad that you wrapped each individual piece.

How does someone who does that think that that won't be found out? Like, the minute they wrap that up for him, they're gonna call back and say, hey, this broken transit.

Does he think that that person is going to try to return this broken-ass vase?

No, I think he just thinks that like, oh, they can't blame me. I've sent them a beautiful thing and it broke on the way.

Also, a crystal vase doesn't shatter into like four pieces. That shatters into like a million pieces, right? They wrapped each individual one of those pieces?

It was a slow day. They work in a glassware store.

Yeah, it's true. It's only like big purchases. They sell one $800 vase like once a week.

It's like a mattress store.

For sure.

Alright, we're going to go to a listener who submitted a riddle. Of course, you can always submit puzzies or riddies to us at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. That's hrrpodcast at gmail.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at HeyRiddleRiddle. So please take full advantage of social media.

And again, you can send an email to hrpodcast at gmail.com if your boss is harassing you.

And if you want to send me a compliment, send it to Adal, but make sure it's clear that it's for me.

This is submitted from Paul Peterson. Paul Peterson is a friend of mine, game developer. You guys ever play Smash Up?

Oh, I've played Smash Up.

Yeah, he created Smash Up. He also created a game called Guillotine, which is one of my favorite card games. And a few other games.

Okay, so I like the guy. I like his previous body of work. Now let's see if he could lose me with one bad rub.

Paul's riddle is, what's a pirate's favorite letter? R. It's not R.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from a loved one that says, I can't wait for you to get back from sea. You're a sailor. I don't know about your crimes.

That's it. And by loved one, it's a pregnant woman.

I think I know it. What is it? Is it X for X marks the spot?

It is not X. It's not R. It's not X. Pittsburgh pirates.

Is it P?

All right, I mean, and don't look too much into this. Is it A? Is it B?

Is it C? It is C. It is C. A pirate's favorite letter? R? No. A pirate's true love is the C. Ah.

So we're allowed to do jokes.

I think we established that early on. Also, I like that one because I think R is the go-to.

Yeah, you want to say R?

You want to say R, but it's the C. Yeah, but it's the C. I think it's a letter that he got from a loved one.

I think it's X for X marks the spot. We're all right.

That's the fun thing about Riddles is everyone has a better answer.

That's what that movie's about, right? The kids are all right?

That's the kids are alt-right.

The kids are alt-right? It's about pirates. It's Mark Ruffalo raising kids who are alt-right.

Yes, I think that the big wrap up here is Erin is correct. Well, let me tell you about a puzzle. Oh God, I should not have used the word puzzle to set up my rhyme. Muzzle! Oh, guzzle. Yes, I'll guzzle my puzzle.

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle. Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. That was a HeadGum Podcast.