Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle, I'm Adal Rifai.

I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin.

And we're here to answer your Riddies and Puzzies that you might submit.

Ooh, we didn't agree to that.

We all agreed right before the show. I said, should we call them Riddles and Puzzles? And we all agreed Riddies and Puzzies is the new way to say Riddles and Puzzles.

I said Ridleeds and Puddles. In this scenario, you pitched Riddles and Puzzles, and then we all agreed to Riddies and Puzzies. So it's not even your idea. You're putting that idea on us.

I like Riddies and Puddles.

Rizzies, the main antagonist from Grease, and Puddles.

And I said Ribbles and Bubblies.

We're here to eat Ribbles and Banoonies.

Joining us this week is Rafi.

Rafis, Ribbies, and Prubbles. So we're going to list off some riddles, some puzzles, some lateral thinking questions, and we're going to try and solve them. We ask you at home or on the train or wherever you are listening to this, we ask you to try and play along at home and solve these. We're not going to give the answer immediately. We're going to try and figure them out, try and talk through them. So you can play along as well at home.

And by play along, we do mean play along out loud while you're listening to the podcast.

Yeah, let us try to interact with us Please give me a call Please start talking to someone on the train and apropos of nothing just start to talk with them If I have 10 app, please Let's do our warm-up lightning round. So these are going to be shorter riddies and puzzies, maybe a little bit easier or a little bit more on the nose versus needing to kind of suss out what's missing or thinking outside the box. Are you ready for this?

Every time you tell us that they're going to be easy ones, it just puts Like a lot of pressure.

Gotcha. Well, all I know is that I gave these to some three-year-olds and they got them within a few seconds and then they ate them.

I'm trying to work on my confidence. So if you can set the expectations low so I can blow you out of the water.

We're all trying to work on your confidence, Erin.

Thank you.

I'm trying to get my confidence way down. So what you're doing is great.

Here we go. We'll just do a couple of these. I know the answers to these. You do not. Here we go. First one. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on earth?

Still Mount Everest, because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

The answer is Mount Everest dot nothing matters.

Yeah, because that's God.

Question number two. These are warm-ups. Remember, the stakes are low. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year? In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?

Every year. Am I not supposed to answer these quickly?

Yeah, that's fine to answer that quickly, right? It is every year. Christmas and New Year's

They fall in the same year every year.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's not New Year's Eve. It's New Year's Day.

It's New Year's.

Yeah, I felt like those were... Because Christmas and New Year's Eve never fall in the same year.

Or the same day. I felt like we're doing better at the warm-up riddles than what we did last time.

Last time... Well, hold your tongue because here comes number three. If you are running in a race and pass the second place person, what place are you in?

Wow, I said if you are running in a race and pass the second place person and JPC said he was in third.

That's a real, the doctor was a mom situation. Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah. Here's the reason I love- I don't run co-ed races. Here's the reason I love Puzzies and Riddies.

You run one or the other. It's all women or all men.

Bless you. If you're having a barbecue, if you're having a gathering, if you're at a high school reunion, I feel like Puzzies and Riddies are such a great way to suss out who's racist, who's sexist. Yes.

Who's a nerd. Who's enjoying these and is a nerd.

Who likes a putty and a Rizzy. Yeah, these are really great traps to spring on people.

Because if you pose a Riddy and someone says, oh, that was definitely a man, then that person obviously thinks all people are men.

Yeah, if you want to catch people in pronoun puzzles, this is definitely the way to do it.

Let's do one more of these.

One more warm-up.

Cool. A man is able to contact his long-lost brother. This worked out for you, JPC. A man is able to contact- Why?

Because my brother got lost at sea? Oh, I guess we're just talking about that in the open now. He was lost at sea for a year.

That was on his no-no list of things we shouldn't bring up.

I told you, one thing I don't want to mention is my brother lost at sea.

Do you think you should be saying we're talking about that out in the open? When you lost your brother at sea?

Oh boy. He's back. No, he's home. He speaks shark.

I thought you were going to say he's back, now he's home. He's dead.

But we found the body.

But he's home. A man is able to contact his long lost brother who he has never met. They agree to meet. When the brother arrives, he is able to instantly pick him out from the crowd. How is that possible?

They're twins. Twins, twin brothers.

That's the correct answer. Twins.

And twins, which we should have answered it that way. Yeah.

Here's one more. I think we'll all like this one. A man was stabbed in the heart. No one tried to save him, but he didn't die. How dat possible?

Did it say how dat possible?

No, I took my own spin on it.

A man was stabbed in the heart. No one tried to save him, but he didn't die. Did he get one of those Pulp Fiction adrenaline shots straight to the heart?

No.

Well.

Was it a shot to the heart?

A man, I had one rule, no Bon Jovi, a man was stabbed in the heart. And no one tried to save him, but he didn't die. How is that possible? We're not moving on until you two.

A man was stabbed in the heart. No one tried to save him, but he didn't die.

Talk yourself through it. What do we know?

He didn't die.

What other reasons would you have for stabbing someone in the heart?

Oh, he has a heart-shaped tattoo. Someone stabs him in the tattoo, it's like in his arm or whatever.

No one tried to save him because it's a bar fight.

Because that's what someone would say. If not, I got stabbed in the arm. No, someone stabbed me in my tattoo.

It's a puddle. Doctor, I was stabbed in the heart. That's your arm. But it's a heart.

Tattoo.

But aren't I clever, Doctor?

Celebrate me.

A man is, wait, what is it?

A man is stabbed in the heart. No one tries to save him. But he, wait, hold on. But he doesn't die.

Is it like a romantically, like he's emotionally stabbed in the heart? Like.

How would that work?

Yeah, you know, he just like suffers a heartbreak. People are like, oh, you stabbed me in the heart.

I think that requires a little bit of role-playing. JPC wants you to play Kevin. That'll be the person getting stabbed. Erin wants you to play Susie. She'll be the person stabbing Kevin emotionally. And why don't you play someone from Boston?

Okay, but I'm not from Boston, I'm just visiting.

Okay. God, thank you so much for coming here to meet me.

Yeah, you sounded so upset in your email.

This is the part where Suzy says what kind of make and model of car she has.

I just thanks for coming into my Honda Accord.

Yeah, well you mentioned to meet you in your car in your email.

Well Kevin, I hate to be this guy.

What guy?

I hate to be this person, but I don't love you anymore. I'm leaving you for another man. What? And I just want you to know this is personal. This is about you. You are unlovable. Someone try to save me. And I've been smoking your pot. What? I've been smoking your pot and I've been sleeping around and I found another man.

That wasn't pot, that was oregano. I've been selling that to you dumb Boston. Stab! Stab! Stab! Oh, she stabbed me in my tattoo!

No one tries to save this man because he's an asshole.

Oregano?

But he's a coward so he doesn't die. He dies a thousand deaths.

Ah, yes. What's the answer to this stupid puzzy?

The answer is he's already dead.

I was just about to say that but I was taking a sip of my water.

Erin, last episode and this episode, two for two, you've exclaimed, I was about to say that, but I didn't. We got to open up those gates.

You know what? I felt that Erin was about to say that. Thank you. I was nowhere close to that.

Well, right before you were about to answer, I went, oh, OK.

He dead.

He's dead.

Remember this is all based on the honor system so if I say an answer and you go mmm I was gonna say that I'll give it to you.

Okay.

I was not going to say that.

One for me!

And again Erin I just need to point out like we put it out in the first episode these are warm-ups and warm-ups historically for no sport count towards a point total.

Alright, we have finished the lightning round, we've warmed up our brains, let's get into the meat and potatoes of this podcast. Here we go, this is our first one, and this one is going to be a little bit of a court case. So I'm going to read the case, I'm going to let you know what the mystery is or what we need to solve is, and I'm going to give you a few clues that we have. As we get into this portion of the show, these are ones that I do not have the answers to, so I will be trying to figure this out as well.

I love how Erin closes her eyes even before you start reading the prompt. She's got her eyes closed while you're talking about like the rules of the prompt.

I feel like every time I if I watch Erin for more than like 30 seconds, it looks like she's in like an Enya video. Like she's blissing out so like she can hear music that nobody else can hear.

I mean she got the warm-up so well, but the deep level of concentration that she's living in... It's so embarrassing!

She's also, since five minutes ago, she's aged 20 years.

I often forget that people can see me. And when I was a kid, I thought that if I closed my eyes, other people couldn't see me. And so there's lots of photographs of me with my eyes shut.

Up until what age did you believe that?

24.

This is so mentally taxing. You have to close your eyes and age yourself. Here we go. Here's the case. Steve hangs out in the bad part of town and he loves to drink beer. He is often seen gesturing violently with both hands as he talks in a loud voice, even though no one else is nearby. Sometimes he repeats himself three or four times. Although police officers routinely lock up people who drink as much as Steve does and walk around talking to no one, they always leave Steve alone. This is a lot to unpack. The mystery. What is Steve doing while he gestures with his hands? The clues. Before we get into clues, what do we think so far? He crazy?

Well, you know, no.

And the police are like, we don't want to deal with this. So he's an ex-cop. They feel bad for him. He was, he has like, um.

Maybe he's a performer.

Post Traumatic Stress. Yeah. He's, maybe he's rehearsing lines. He's a Mormon?

A performer.

Oh, a performer.

Yeah. Like he's doing standup and he's,

But why does that explain why he loves to drink beer?

So he loves to drink beer. This is sad. I mean, yes, it's a depressive.

Well that's, when you say performer, we assume, we can extrapolate sad. Those are synonymous.

I mean, but who doesn't love to drink beer?

Those are cinnamons. Who doesn't love to drink beer?

Yeah, exactly. Like, everyone loves to drink beer. I mean, I've been sober for five years, but I love to drink beer.

What's the question? What's the mystery?

What is Steve doing while he gestures with his hands? So we know he drunk, we know he's gesturing violently with both hands, so he's like Italian.

He's using both hands to talk about spicy shrimp sauces.

He's gesticulating violently with both hands as he talks in a loud voice, even though no one else is nearby. Sometimes he repeats himself three or four times. Although police officers routinely lock up people who drink as much as Steve does and walk around talking to no one, they always leave Steve alone.

So what kind of profession would you have that would allow you to be drunk?

Bartender.

Okay, yeah, bartenders are allowed to drink, but he walks around and he talks to no one.

Maybe no one is the name of his horse?

So the answer to most riddles is that one of the key words in a riddle is the name of a horse. That's for sure true.

Every riddle we've done so far... Kevin has five apples. I take away one apple. How many apples does Kevin have? Four, and they're horses.

Because all riddles take place in the late 19th century.

Here's some of the clues. Police officers don't give Steve a second glance. They think he's perfectly normal. Well, we assume that from what we heard earlier.

Another clue, Steve is usually well-dressed. Aren't we all? Usually well-dressed? Usually. Steve is not homeless. That's the best clue. I feel like from here on out every clue should be whether or not they're homeless. Steve likes to use modern technology. Headset. He's wearing one of those like Bluetooth, right?

He's wearing a headset. Maybe he's talking on the phone.

Or like a Bluetooth like one of those those earpieces. Yeah. Steve is having a conversation with someone even though it looks like he's alone. So he's on Bluetooth.

Or he's on stage. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

But why is he drunk? He loves to drink beer.

The other thing I thought was he was like some sort of like Alex Jones radio personality, you know, who's just like getting drunk and ranting into a microphone. But doesn't the thing also say that he's on the street when he does this? Yeah, they said... Or did they say that they lock up people on the street who do this?

I guess it doesn't say he's on the street, but it says police officers pass him, right?

Yeah, I thought like, why else would a police officer be walking past him?

It's got to be a Bluetooth headset.

Yeah, but didn't they just say that in the clues? They're like, it's a headset.

These aren't clues, but here's what we can assume. Everyone's scared of Steve. He's drunk.

We can assume this?

He's slurring his speech so he keeps repeating himself.

Are we sure he's drunk?

He loves to drink. We know that. He loves to drink beer. Well, that's true.

He might not be drunk at all.

Steve hangs out in the bad part of town. He loves to eat steak.

What if he's one of the airport things where you get people to land planes? Can you talk into a headset for that?

So he's a drunk air traffic controller.

I mean that makes as much sense as anything.

But they say that he walks around. Like they say that in there as well. So that's true. Like air traffic controller people like walk around.

Yeah, it says he walks around talking to no one.

Like radio hosts don't walk around.

Mmm. I think we go to the answer. We gotta go to this answer.

Here's the here's the stumped up.

Here's the a Steve is wearing a wireless headset. He's talking on his mobile phone. That is the full fucking answer I'm so disappointed. The full fucking answer is Steve is wearing a wireless headset. He's talking on his mobile phone.

What?

All of that all that superfluous information But what is he yelling that he has to repeat himself three or four times? Okay. Here's my new theory. Episode 1. Remember that guy who would call Susie and she would act angry like it was a solicitor? This is the same situation.

This is hardly a riddle. Does this count as a riddle?

That made me sad.

Yeah, that answer surprised me. What's a bad surprise? It made my heart hurt. I felt like I had been that guy who got stabbed.

Night terror. That's what you're thinking of, the word night terror. So here's everything left on the table. After we got the answer, here's what's still left to be used in this contraption. He loves to drink beer. He gestures violently with both hands. He talks in a loud voice. He repeats things three or four times. The police leave him alone. All of that, Steve is not homeless, all that was left on the table with this answer.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it was the whole thing was that a ton of this information is just a misdirect.

That's like buying a table at Ikea and you put everything together and you realize it's just a tabletop and legs and screws are laying on the side and you're like, that's my tabie.

Do you have an example for someone who's not a millionaire who might understand?

You buy a table from JCPenney.

Thank you. JCPenney, a store for the people.

I feel like that question was entirely misdirects with no information and the clue about the technology thing was just basically the answer.

Here's what I'm going to say about riddles in general. I'm not a big fan of the misdirect school of riddle. I like the, you know, use the whole buffalo type of riddle. I want to get into a riddle where everything has some sort of importance because I'm like, I'm getting, you know, he loves to drink beer. It's like, what kind of, I'm trying to think of like what his job is, but it's just a dickhead on a phone.

Hey JPC, I think that's how you view the world, huh? You want everything to have meaning?

That's true.

I'm learning a lot about you. Learning a lot about you. I wish there was a song like, getting to know you.

There is a song like, getting to know you. There's a real song that we could have sang that we apparently both know. Learning a lot about you.

Learning all sorts of things about you.

But like every podcast does, we have to be like, don't use more than 10 seconds.

Oh yeah, that's true.

That's, by law, if you're doing a podcast, you have to make that joke.

Yeah, because getting to know you, that song is certainly not in the public domain.

But we can sing Happy Birthday. To our heart's content.

Here's Puzzy number T. Do you want to take that again for people who don't speak idiot?

He's Riddy number Doe. It's a short one just because I'm mad at that last one. We're going to do a short one. Can salt be recycled? How?

I'm sorry.

Can salt be recycled? How? I feel like this is someone posing a question being like, I'm a scientist. This isn't a riddle.

Is this a Yahoo answer? Like what is this? Can salt be recycled? How? How? So we just have to know how salt can be recycled. The answer is obviously yes, because how wouldn't be part of it if it was no. Can salt be recycled? No.

You played yourself Riddle. You gave us everything. By saying how, you gave us the full answer. You fool.

You fucked up Riddle. That Riddle should say, salt can be recycled, how?

A man was stabbed in the heart. No one tried to save him, but he didn't die. He was already dead. How? You played yourself, Riddle.

I feel like how is a question you never have to ask in a riddle because that's inherent to the riddle. Okay. Does anyone know how salt can be recycled?

Well, JPC just started this, like, guess we have to solve this, as if that wasn't the whole concept for this show. But what a chore this is.

This again? I feel like every time I come on this podcast, I have to solve something.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle, not What Information Do You Have About Salt? This is trivia at this point.

Here are some things I know about salt. It's in a lot of water. It's an Angelina Jolie movie. Yes. Everything goes back to nature. Everything is recycled. Everything in the world is recycled.

She's one third of salt and pepper.

Yep.

My answer for this, I'm locked in, and I think it's drink your own piss. What's funny is people have this taboo, you would never drink someone else's piss But you would drink your own piss all day.

Don't you die if you drink your piss too much, but you don't die if you drink someone else's? It's something like that. I'm circling something.

Don't you die if you drink your own piss.

How? Someone out there knows what I'm talking about.

I love that Mother Nature was just like, oh, we'll let humans drink piss, but if you drink your own... So they get to know each other and socialize. Sailor's Delight.

Like a mom who's like, who are your friends?

Sweetie, wear a jacket. Don't drink your own piss. Mom, I'm just going to be out for the night. I'm just saying, if it comes to it, don't drink your own piss. You know, that's how your grandpa died.

How do you recycle salt?

Well, here's what I think. I think you can't consume it. I think the thought is, oh, once you eat salt, you got to shit it out. But I think in this context, we're not eating salt. So you can like age steak in a salt cave, right? You can use salt as a presentation.

I'm listening to the words you're saying, but I don't know how they answer this riddle.

You know when you get married and you take your bride or groom across the threshold and you sprinkle salt on the bed? Maybe you just reuse that later. I think you're thinking of rose petals. Wait, what did I say?

You know when you get married and you put your bride or your groom in a big pot and you sprinkle some salt. What's the answer?

And you can hear them scream.

Okay, let's get some clues here.

Oh good, clues.

Are we talking about ordinary table salt, sodium chloride? Yes. Is the salt eaten? Yes. So there goes my bed theory. Is the same salt eaten twice? Yes.

So my piss drinking theory is looking pretty good.

How are we feeling?

I still, yeah. If you eat the salt, you can sweat it out? Yeah. And then eat it off the back of your lover?

You know that Paul Simon song? 50 ways to eat salt off the back of your lover?

Just eat it off the back, Jack.

But yeah, right that's you when you sweat that's you're sweating salts exactly and then you lick your salt. Yeah. Yeah, that's my answer sweat it out lick your salt.

Erin?

I'm with him.

That's what your t-shirt says. We get it, you support Bernie Sanders.

And it's cheerful but also it's like a little manic. I'm with him.

Bread recipes customarily call for small amounts of salt. By vigorously kneading bread dough and working up a sweat, one can add previously eaten salt to the dough, so it will be eaten again. That's assuming a lot. So sweating was the right answer.

Yeah. Okay.

But it's assuming that while someone is kneading dough, say someone at your local Little Caesars is making a pizza.

Yeah, they make that dough in-house.

As they sweat, their sweat seeps into the dough.

It's an old Italian man working all day.

He's gesturing, he's gesticulating wildly saying the same thing three or four times.

You know there's there is a thing with like making bread where it's like the whatever the bacteria the cultures that you have on your hands like when you make bread affects the way the bread tastes like when you make like the bread yeast or whatever. I don't know why I said that or know that. No, that's true.

It's true. See I never wash my hands and that's why my bread is so specific.

No, there are people that collect like specific bread strains of like people's hands bread because they all like all those sourdoughs like taste different or whatever.

I know what you mean. I've heard that.

Yeah.

We were right about it being sweat. I'm proud of us.

Let's do a little role-playing. Okay. You two are working in a bakery. Okay. And you're making bread, but in a circumstance that requires a lot of sweat. Cool.

So we're listening to that, oh god, what's that? Girl, I'm gonna make you sweat. Does anyone know that song?

I don't.

Don't worry about it.

Learning about you.

No more than 10 seconds, guys.

Okay, okay. Susie, can we turn down the fucking radiator? I'm burning alive in here.

Oh, it's so hot in here. Wait, achoo!

Jesus Christ, you just sneezed all over that bread. I sneezed on the bread.

We see blood splatter across the bread.

Oh my God, Susie, that's blood.

I'm okay, I'm just sick all the time.

No, Susie, that's bad. I think you might be really sick. We cut to the hospital. Excuse me, doctor.

It's something Kevin says, I do the stage directions. We cut to the hospital.

Excuse me, Dr. Kevin?

Why would you assume my name is Kevin? Because I'm a doctor. I'm a mom.

Oh, I'm sorry, Susie. My wife Susie. I think she's really sick.

I'm not your wife. I'm a mom.

But I'm already dead.

We see a bag of Coke fall out of Susie's pocket.

Oh. Doctor, you dropped your Coke.

I was trying to see if you wanted to buy.

Well, my wife is dead, so I guess I could use a little upper.

If she's already dead, do you mind if I stab her in the heart?

Not at all. I'm a weirdo. Would you like some bread? Same. Give it a sweat. Okay, so that riddle I give a D. My highest rating of the day.

I, again, still don't like riddles. One day I may change my mind. Today is not that day.

I'd give that a C. I would have given that an F, but after the headset one, I feel like that's set the bar in terms of like, that's our base.

That was better than the headset one. And I did solve that one. So I feel good.

So that was number two. Let's move on to number three. We feeling good?

Yeah.

Here we go, number three. One day earlier, little Oscar had mailed an order form for a wanted toy. Now he was constantly pestering his mother to let him check the mail. Suddenly, looking out the window at the apartment complex mailboxes, he shouted, the mail is in, the mail is in. Neither he nor his mother had seen a mail carrier, mail truck, or any activity near the mailboxes. But Oscar was right, it was in. How had he known? Oscar's psychic.

Yeah, he's psychic.

He moves stuff with his mind.

Neither he nor his mother had seen a mail carrier, mail truck, or any activity near their mailboxes.

Here's my favorite part of this. Oscar had mailed an order form for a wanted toy.

Wanted? This toy is so bad that you'll never see it.

Have you seen this toy? Did you say boy?

No, toy.

This toy killed my father. In Vietnam.

This is a murdering toy. Okay, so... It said seen. He hasn't seen the truck. Or heard. No, it didn't say heard.

I think I know the answer and it's not fun.

Is it that he felt the vibration of it?

Because he's deaf.

Oh, man.

So wait, I think that also the mail comes at the same time every day. So he could have just been like, oh, it's four, the mail's here. And then it was.

That's better than the answer I had. Oh, really? My answer, my thought is that he sees the flag up. Like, you know, mailboxes have the little, right?

Yeah, but they're in an apartment complex. Didn't it say that?

No, that's your assumption. You assume somebody named Oscar lives in an apartment complex?

If a person named Oscar has a house and I'm living in an apartment in real life, I'm gonna be pissed.

They shop at JCPenney for sure.

If a person named Oscar has it better than me, I'm losing my shit.

Yeah, I think it's like the flag on the mailbox. I think also the fact that mail comes at the same time almost every day is a good one. Maybe the dogs in the neighborhood bark?

It could be dog related.

Or horse related.

Yeah, maybe the dogs in the neighborhood are horses and they bark.

You know, dogs as horses.

Maybe a town crier is ringing a big bell in the middle of town and saying, males here, males here, death count in Vietnam!

Now how would that sound if the Tom Cryer was John Cryer? Mail's here! Do we want some sweet, sweet clues?

Yeah, give us the clues to this riddle.

Okay. Had Oscar put the order form in the outgoing mail slot next to the mailboxes the previous day after that day's mail had been delivered? Yes. Did the mailboxes have big pods nearby so that a mail carrier could put a parcel in one of them and the key to that pod is the resident's mailbox? Yes.

What? You got it. You solved it. Let me read that again.

Did the mailboxes have big pods nearby so that a mail carrier could put a parcel in one of them and the key to that pod in that residence mailbox? Yes. I still don't know what's being said here.

So sometimes for like apartment complexes, like the mail delivery system is if the thing is too large to fit in the box, They'll put it in like the big receptacle thing and put the key to the receptacle in the mailbox.

But pods is what I call podcasts because I'm in the biz.

Oh, for sure, yeah.

That's why I'm wearing these cans, speaking into this Mikey.

And since I'm a youth, pods to me means Tide Pods, what we eat for fun and sex.

And I'm a little baby, I'm so young I've never even heard the word.

Pods are also those portable storage units that you can buy and live in.

We know JPC is a youth because he's wearing an Overwatch hat.

Yes. I'm like a teen. I'm cool like a teen. I do a smoking.

Last question. Clue here. Did Oscar pay particular attention to the pods? Yes.

Okay, so it just was the toy was too big to fit in the mailbox.

Yeah, I feel like he's gonna see a key or something.

It was a big old toy.

He sees right through the pods. Oh boy.

I feel like these riddles today are really a disappointment.

This is just proof that we don't know the answers to these riddles ahead of time.

And that riddles are bad.

If I had known these answers, I would not have put these in the show. Here's the answer. Oscar knew the procedure for receiving a package by mail. You take the key from your mailbox, unlock the pod, and take the package from the pod. The key stays in the pod door. Only a mail carrier can remove a key from a pod door. When Oscar saw a pod without a key and remembered that the pod had a key on the previous day, he knew that the mail carrier had delivered the day's mail.

I'd like to introduce a new segment, which is Better Answer, where we pretend that we are a co-writer in this and we create a better answer.

Okay, cool. So Adal, can you read the riddle from the beginning one more time?

Hey guys, you know I was writing that puzzle? One day earlier, little Oscar had mailed an order form for a wanted toy. Is that, is wanted toy, is that what people say?

Oh yeah, normal human beings say wanted toy.

You guys are the best roommates.

That's the easiest way to get across that this is a toy that needs to be desired.

Did you say that gave you no pods?

Yeah, it gave me no pods.

Or did you say paws?

I meant to say paws, but I guess I said pods.

I think I know where to go with this riddle. But let me keep reading. Now he was constantly pestering his mother to let him check the mail. Suddenly looking out the window at the apartment complex. Oh, apartment complex. Yeah. Someone later on when listening to this is going to be right when they suggest.

So someone listened?

Okay.

Very cool.

He shouted, the mail is in, the mail is in. Neither he nor his mother had seen a mail carrier. Mail truck or any activity near the mailboxes. But do I say mail wrong? Weird? No, you say it normal. I eat my mails and deliver meal.

Yeah, yeah. Wanted toy.

or any activity near the mailboxes. But Oscar was right. It was in. How had he known?

So this isn't my puzzle, Adal. You're writing it, obviously, and it's very good. But the direction that I would go with this is the male-male homonym. So he says, the male is in. The male is in.

Meaning a penis has entered him?

Well, yeah. Yes, and.

Can I tell you, this riddle was for, it was commissioned by Better Homes and Gardens, but I think they'll let some of that slip in.

Yeah, I mean, do with the riddle what you want, but that is my recommendation.

And this isn't my puzzle, but I would have it be something fun like he heard dogs barking. That'll be a more satisfying answer and will inspire less rage when someone finds out what it is.

Hmm, if he had said horses I would have been on board.

Bummer.

The one thing you don't want to do with this puzzle is assume that people have an intricate understanding of the way mail is delivered in apartment complexes. Because that would be fucking insane. Some people have never lived in an apartment complex where an archaic rule for mail delivery is still in place, and others, even if they have lived in some apartment complex like that, would not assume that that's the answer to a puzzle.

Puzzle number four. Great.

I'm ready.

An Italian judge. Oh no. Why are they specific about his ethnicity?

Wait, is he a judge in Italy? I don't know.

They really took me off guard here. An Italian judge released a guilty man and convicted an innocent man, and as a result, the confectionery industry has greatly benefited. Why?

Okay, so he's an Italian judge. They wouldn't say Italian judge if that wasn't important.

And this is honest to God in the phrasing. This is not something I added for S's and G's. This is an actual, an Italian judge released a guilty man and convicted an innocent man. And as a result, the confectionery industry has greatly benefited.

Why? So you didn't just slip that in?

I didn't just slip that in.

Because before we started recording this podcast, you did tell me that you were going to be slipping on a lot of ethnicities.

Well, to be honest, the first puzzle, the guy was not gesticulating wildly and violently. I just thought that's something an Italian would do.

Okay, so this is an Italian judge in the confectionery industry.

So, confectionery is gonna be like cookies, candies, yeah. Are candies confection?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so maybe this, what's the most famous Italian confection? Cannoli. So a guy, one of the guys took the gun, one of the guys took the cannoli, the guy who took the gun goes to jail, the guy who took the cannoli... Joado Bobby Cannavale Okay, so a guilty man goes free and an innocent man goes to prison Correct. And as a result, the confectionery industry has greatly benefited.

Why? Gelato. Gelato. So this is all about that movie Double Jeopardy. So you can't go to jail twice for committing the same crime. So if you murder your wife and you go to jail for it, if you murder your wife again, you can't go back to jail. I just saw the movie Devil Jeopardy.

And I was in and out of sleep. Oh boy. So I think this has something to do... Well this one takes the cake.

Now that's a joke, but is it maybe also the answer?

My favorite thing about when someone tells a joke is that when they say the joke in the same breath without any pause, they say, now that's a joke.

So guilty man was released. So somebody maybe robbed a bakery. Okay. But he was let go. Because he was let go, and because the case was reported about in the local Italian newspapers, everyone's like, yum, yum, yum, I'm hungry for cannoli. I was reading about this robber stealing cannoli, now I'm hungry for cannoli.

Oh, so yeah, you know, it's news and people are like, you know what I haven't had in a while is that cannoli shop. Yeah, that makes sense. That's not the answer. And if it is, I'll hang myself.

Well, the stakes are pretty high.

Let's get some clues here. Yeah, please clues. The Italian judge tried a rebel but released a robber. What does that mean? The Italian was not in Italy when he made the judgment. The judge, the rebel, and the robber never ate any chocolate.

It's a rebel and a robber.

A great TV show.

A judge, James Dean, and the Hamburglar walk into a court.

This riddle is awful.

Can we make a band called Rebel and Robber? Everybody shut up, this is not important. Rebel Robber, you in?

Oh, I'm in. What do you play? This whole podcast is just about generating IP for other things. We're all just trying to do more shows.

I don't like the idea, but I'd sell it to Netflix.

Well, so the other thing that they, I brought this up earlier, this Italian judge is not in Italy. So it's like, I feel like we need to know like a famous Italian judge to be able to do that. Like, is it talking about a specific person?

Who are the judges we know? Judge Ito. Judge Dredd. Mike Judge. Judge Judy.

My uncle was a judge.

What was his last name?

Smoot.

It could be Italian.

Erin, don't make up names.

Famous Italian judge not in Italy, Mario Batali was a judge on Iron Chef.

So... Oh, maybe it's not a...

It's not a courtroom.

It's not a courtroom.

It's a judge of a cooking show. And a man was guilty of making delicious food. Robber, though. An Italian judge released a guilty man and convicted an innocent man. And as a result, the confectionery industry has greatly benefited.

Cake boss. It's cake boss. I think it's what I said earlier, which is that it's cake boss.

Cake judge.

Here's the clues again. The Italian judge tried a rebel but released a robber. The Italian was not in Italy when he made the judgment. The judge, the rebel, and the robber never ate any chocolate.

It's a vanilla-based challenge.

Honestly, I think I have the answer.

What is it?

It's like a... Nope, I don't have the answer. This is stupid.

Okay.

My thought was that it was a Jesus of Nazareth thing where they released the... Here we go.

I just saw the answer and I think you're right from the one word I saw, which is ponchus. The Italian was Pontius Pilate, who released Barabbas and condemned Jesus Christ to die by crucifixion at Easter time. Every year, Easter is marked by the sale of millions of chocolate Easter eggs worldwide.

Yep, I got it. I got that one.

I don't know, but... And I just watched the live Jesus Christ Superstar, so this one's on me.

Yeah, and the crowd was, you know, chanting, give us Barabbas, give us Barabbas. And he was like, really, Barabbas? He's a... He's a bad guy.

Now, again, I'm reading from the Bible, so that makes sense. I should have picked up on that.

Dude, I nailed that one at the end.

Who is being from the Bible? I was raised Muslim. Brag.

I would have loved to be raised Muslim.

I was raised Catholic and should have gotten this.

By Great Uncle Smoot. So what I mean to say is I'm ignorant to who Barabbas is. Is Barabbas the character from Mortal Kombat with the long metal spikes?

Long metal spikes. Yes. So there's a Jesus versus Barabbas style in Mortal Kombat.

I don't want to see that finish him because that's going to be... It's less cool than you think.

So the story is Pontius Pilate went to Luke Cage. Pontius Pilate said that he would free one person, he would like pardon one person when Jesus was, you know, going up for trial. And the crowd, I can't remember why the crowd wanted to free Barabbas, it's because like the Pharisees had turned everyone against Jesus or something like that. And then he freed Barabbas instead, who was like a robber.

So Barabbas, spelled B-A-R-A-B-B-A-S, was a robber. So Rabbas, was that like a play on words? Is the Bible full of wordplay like that?

Oh yeah, the Bible's full of... Mostly puns. The Bible is actually, funnily enough, full of Easter eggs. Whimsical puns. That's why we call those Easter eggs, is because... It started in the Bible?

Yeah. What are some other puns in the Bible?

So Easter eggs.

God... Isn't there a part where it says Jesus walked on water but walked is W-O-K?

He heated up a wok? He was making Chinese food. He steamed them in a wok.

Water into wine, where you get water and then you just whine about it.

Yeah, it was water into wine. And this wine is so dry! Yeah, that's all from the Bible.

They put Jesus on the cross and said, nailed it.

No.

Was that one?

I just felt my mother wake up suddenly right now. She's like, I'm sad.

She's been in a coma for eight years.

She's like, why am I sad?

I'm sad because my maiden name is Smoot.

It is. That is her maiden name.

Wow, Erin, you should go by Smoot.

I'm so jealous. Well, my cousins who are my age, their last name was Smoot, and I had to have the last name Keif, and I was so jealous of them.

How many times per year would your uncle put on a suit and start a riot? Say it. Say it.

I want you to say it, you son of a... Oh God, I won't.

I'll say it's smooth suit riots.

How do we rank that?

That puzzle? It was clever. The confectionery thing is like a big misnomer. Italian judge, you know. It's like, there was a lot of misdirects in there that actually did make sense at the end, but again, it kind of requires a specific knowledge of Jesus and Barabbas, which you just didn't have, Adal.

And also, I grew up Catholic, and I still, that didn't come to my brain. So I don't think it's really on the forefront of anybody's.

I'm gonna give that one the highest ranking I've ever given a puzzle. I'm gonna give it a D+.

Can I ask something that, again, I was raised Muslim, don't mean to brag, don't mean to be braggadocious, Pontius Pilate is Italian?

I mean, he's Roman, so.

Okay. So where was this trial taking place? Was this in, like, Jerusalem?

No.

Yes?

Oh God, I don't know anything about the Bible.

Because the Bible, like, I mean, Jesus was king of the Jews. Yes.

So Pontius Pilate was a Roman, like, consulate or whatever. He was like, he wasn't like a locally elected official. He was appointed from whatever the central Roman power was and sent to be like, I preside over this area. So that's why he was like judging Jesus.

Because he was a threat. So they like tried to get him on things that weren't

Yeah, and Pontius Pilate didn't even want to do this. I think he tried to send him to King Herod, and then Herod gets a song.

And that's where we get the casinos.

Learning about you! Into wine!

Were you raised Catholic?

I went to Catholic school for 12 years, but I never have been a Catholic. But we did My brother's senior year do Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah, and so I'm very familiar with this puzzle.

Did the kid who played Pontius Pilate give an accent?

No, Jesus Christ doesn't have Pontius Pilate in it, right?

No, it does. Does it? It does.

Because he says walk across my swimming pool.

No, that's King Herod. That's Herod's song.

But Pontius Pilate's in there. He's like the... Does he have a song? Yeah, he has a few songs. What is his song? He's the one who's like... He's like screaming all the time. That's a whole show. He has songs.

Simon Zelitz? Why would you want to know? Why are you in love with fighting?

I just like when Mary Magdalene sleeps.

There's one... I just made up a riddle. I just made up a riddle. I just made up a riddle. There's one Italian man dead in a cabin.

He's an Italian pilot.

No, the doctor's his mother.

It's a Pontius pilot.

He's a horse.

Let's go to our, this is a listener submitted riddle. You can always submit riddles or puzzies to us. Not always.

In puddles. Eventually you'll die, like we all will.

You can send those to hrrpodcasts at gmail.com. You can also follow us on Twitter at Hey Riddle Riddle, spelled like it sounds.

And if you have workplace disputes, you can send those to hrpodcasts at gmail.com. I'll be answering all of your workplace queries and, you know, it's sickies, dating in the workplace, navigating all of that.

And if you want to text my uncle to make fun of his name, his number is 781.

That was his varsity number.

And you can piece from this episode, there's enough clues scattered about like breadcrumbs in the forest, you know, forest ground. Just Easter eggs. There's Easter eggs.

He was captain of the Yale football team.

Of the what football team?

The Yale, ever heard of it? You fucking loser. God, you're garbage.

I haven't because I was raised Muslim. This is from David F. David sent us a riddle that I've never heard before. I know the answer to this one, so it's just for you two. But I've never heard this one before, but it gets pretty dark. Here we go. A captain and three of his crewmates are the only survivors of a shipwreck. They are adrift on their lifeboat for many days until one of the crew dies of exposure. The other two crew use their cutlasses to poke holes through him so his corpse will sink and not attract sharks. Soon the rest are starving. One morning when the captain wakes up, one more crew member has died and sunk. The remaining one is cooking over a very small fire. Captain, an albatross landed for long enough to be killed. We have food! The meat, they agree, is the best they have ever tasted. And luckily, soon after, they are rescued. Many years later, the captain hears of a restaurant serving albatross. That's not a thing that happens. He goes there and orders... Is it Florida? He goes there and orders it, but after taking one mouthful, he leaves, goes home, and kills himself. Why?

Because he realizes that he ate a person.

The thing is, I've heard this one before. Really? Yeah, this is one that I've heard before, but I don't remember it being so easy to solve.

Who sent this?

This is from David F. I feel like there's like maybe like an extra line in there that makes it very obvious that he ate a person.

So it says probably the part where they poked holes in the dead guy and he sunk to the ocean floor.

I don't know, like, just the, well, the whole situation where the captain wakes up and he's like, Captain, bad news, somebody died, you'll never find his body because we did the whole thing that we've been doing. You know, the whole thing. Also, also, news story. Period. Period. End of that story. End of that story, news story.

Do you want a coffee? News story.

News story. An albatross landed, killed it, plucked all the feathers, and I'm cooking it.

Well that's great news, but where's Albert Batras?

No, that was the old story. So anyway, eat this thing.

But where's the crew member Albert Batras?

But here's my question, even if you had to eat a person to survive, and they're dead, let's say the person dies, you're in a plane crash situation and the person dies, would you like Hey Riddle Riddle

But if you ate your friend who survived who was already dead, you wouldn't... Talking from someone who wouldn't recover from that, I get it. That brings us to a little segment called role-playing. Let's have Erin, you're the captain of a ship, and JPC, you're going to be someone who murdered a crewmate and is now cooking that crew member, and you're trying to convince the captain that it's something else.

Okay, gotcha.

and uh sun up i'll assume sun because this is at sea yeah sun up on the sun

Good morning.

Oh, not bad. I miss my best friend though. Where is he? Where's my best friend?

Thank you. Was?

How horny was he?

Thank you for the setup, Captain. He said, I'll make love to that shark's mouth. Well, that shark tore at him piece for piece. So we did the thing that we do, which is to cut a little hole into it. Hey, do you like bacon?

I do. Is this related to the story you were just telling just now?

Oh, hush up, Captain. You've drank seawater and you're crazy.

We see blood smear across the deck.

Ah, that's nasty shark. Any hoodle.

Let me get this straight. Kevin, my best friend, got so horny he decided to have sex with a shark's mouth.

For sure.

And now there's blood. His blood?

Why didn't I just kill you?

Expertly executed.

Would you guys eat a person?

No. Okay.

You would never eat a person?

I'd eat you and I'd feel nothing.

That's what I wanted. Is it that this person is dead or is it like they carve off like... You pick the scenario.

Okay. So this person, you're on a plane crash. A person dies. It's just, it's just a dead person now. Do you eat a person to survive?

If you have to.

No, no. Cause like most meat, if someone else prepares it for me, maybe, but I'm doing it. No. I get sick just cutting meat.

I'm a vegetarian and I think I probably would.

If it came down to survival. I feel like everyone would.

If it's been like three hours since I haven't had any food, yes.

I'd eat a person. I'm confident that in any emergency scenario, I would be the first to die. So eat me. That's fine. I'm gone first. I slip. I fall. I make the mistake. I go into the spooky house first.

What if we're on a road trip, I order a Jack in the Box, I take a bite, not great. I turn and look at you.

Well, I have the diet of a sick bird, so I probably won't taste very good.

A vulture.

I'll never forget the first time my dad took me to Jack in the Box. Great story. He was like, have you ever been to Jack in the Box? I was like, no. We went to Jack in the Box. He ordered Jack in the Box. You used to have those tacos, like two for 99 cent tacos. He ordered the taco, he took one bite, drove home, killed himself.

This has been Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Adal Rifai. You can check out, I have other podcasts, Hello from the Magic Tavern, Siblings Peculiar, you can also catch all three of us, myself, JPC, and occasionally Erin in the show, World News Tonight at IO Theatre. JPC, anything to plug?

Yeah, if you're in Chicago, you can check out Devil's Daughter at the IO Theatre at Tuesday nights, 10.30. You can also follow One Shot RPG on Twitch. I have a show every Thursday night at 7. It's a live stream where we play the board game Gluten Haven. And then I also do the campaign podcast on the OneShot Network as well. Check that out if you're a nerd.

I am not a nerd. And so if you're young and cool like me, check out Wet Bus at the Iowa Theater every Friday at 1030. It's very fun. The show is called Oh Hell Yeah.

Erin, since you're not a nerd, you should also every week tell us what the good party is for this weekend.

Oh, the cool party, and this is what's happening. If you walk around downtown and you hear some music that's just like... This has been Hey Riddle Riddle created by Adal Rifai starring Erin Keif

That was a HeadGum Podcast.